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"Hey," Erin's voice was choked up as she spoke into her cell phone, "It's uh, Erin."
"I know," Jay replied, furrowing his brow as he detected the thickness of her voice, "Everything okay?" He sat up in bed and glanced at the time on his phone. It was just after six in the morning, and the Erin he used to know preferred to wait until at least seven to greet the day. She'd left pretty quickly after Piper fell asleep, citing the need to check in with the lab where she'd gone to get her DNA tested against Piper's.
"Yeah. No. I don't know," she managed, "I'm sorry if I woke you up."
"I'm up early," he replied, "What's going on?"
"Last night um, I got the DNA test results back." Erin's voice cracked, "She's my sister."
"That is so great, Er," Jay swallowed the lump in his throat, building from the sadness of Piper leaving but also from happiness because it meant that she'd have a family, "Really."
"I know but um," Erin sniffed, "She's my full biological sister. DNA said we have the same dad."
"Wow." Jay didn't know what to say. To his knowledge, Erin never really knew who her dad was. There was that whole drama with Jimmy that started the rift between them but he didn't want to think about that.
"It means that Bunny lied. Again."
Again, Jay didn't know what to say. "I know. But it means Piper is your sister, Er. That's good news."
"I think Bunny knows who our dad is," Erin whispered, her voice quivering again, "What if she tells him about Piper? What if he tries to take her? I-I don't even know who he is but I just have this really bad feeling and-"
"Hey, hey slow down," Jay interjected as calmly as possible. "It's going to be okay. Have you talk to your lawyer yet?"
"You're the first person I called." Erin swallowed, "I um, I should do that. Call the lawyer and um, probably tell Piper." She paused, "C-can you be there? When we tell her? It's just that she really trusts you and-"
"I'll be there," he promised, "Why don't you come over for breakfast? I'll start the coffee."
"Thank you," she exhaled. "I-I'll be there soon."
Jay stretched and let out a yawn as he watched the brown liquid drip into the coffee pot. He couldn't believe that Erin and Piper were full biological siblings. He could believe it, because of how similar they were, but what he had trouble wrapping his head around was how Bunny could lie to Erin and give birth to two daughters from the same man and yet still claim to not know her father. He glanced down at his phone when it buzzed. Erin was at his door but didn't want to knock and wake up Piper.
He stifled another yawn as he headed for the door, realizing how weird his current relationship with Erin was. They were talking almost all the time, but exclusively about Piper. In the three days Erin had been back in town, neither of them had purposely brought up their relationship, the real reason Erin left and Jay's downward spiral. It was the elephant in every room but both Jay and Erin knew it wasn't the right time.
Yet when Jay answered the door and met Erin's tearful gaze, it was all he could do to stop himself from immediately pulling her into his arms, kissing the top of her head and wiping her tears. There was so much that was unfinished between them, but all Jay could manage was a simple "Hey, Er."
"Hi," she whispered, "I-I'm sorry for coming by so early but I didn't have anyone to talk to and-" Erin paused. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be here, doing this to you. We're not together, I shouldn't be burdening you with my shit and-"
"Erin," Jay shook his head, "I'm always here if you want to talk. I'm here for Piper, and for you. I made coffee."
She gave a grateful smile and stepped into the apartment, quickly wiping her eyes. Jay immediately headed to the kitchen to pour his ex-girlfriend a cup of coffee, and prepared it just the way she liked it. "You always did make the best coffee," she murmured after a long sip, "And you remembered how I take it."
"Of course," Jay flashed a grin and leaned across the counter, resting his forearms on the granite, "You alright?"
Erin sniffed and nodded. "I um, spoke to my lawyer. She was up, thankfully but uh, I got the news last night, right after I left. I haven't slept because," she swallowed, "I just kept thinking about Bunny and her lies and that she must know who my father is."
"You haven't slept?" Jay furrowed his brow. He knew his former partner, and he knew that she required a certain amount of sleep just to function. "Do you want to lay down on the couch for a bit? Or you can take my bed or-"
"It's fine." She shook her head, "I couldn't sleep now, even if I tried. My lawyer says there's probably nothing to worry about but that um, the court might want to know who my father is. Who our father is. Just so um, he knows, I guess, that one of the children he fathered is caught in a custody battle between her mother and his other daughter."
Jay nodded as Erin spoke. "I have no idea who it is," she continued, "My whole life, I thought he was in jail, then I thought it was Jimmy and now I have no idea. And I have this sinking feeling in my gut that's telling me Bunny's going to do something."
"You think she'd try to get him involved?" He widened his eyes as Erin nodded.
"Or use him to get to Piper. Or vouch for her or discredit me, I don't know. Nothing she does surprises me anymore." Erin took another sip of coffee, "I'm so tired of cleaning up after her."
Jay nodded again and looked up as he heard Piper's bedroom door opening. "Morning, Pipes," he stood up straighter, "Did we wake you?"
Piper shrugged and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I thought you were going to try to sleep in more."
He chuckled, "Couldn't manage it today. There's always tomorrow. Are you hungry for breakfast?"
The little girl shook her head and glanced curiously at her sister, who was once again in the apartment, "Did you sleep here?" she asked Erin.
"No," Erin and Jay responded in the same breath.
"I um, was up early and wanted to talk to Jay about a few things," Erin managed, "He makes the best cup of coffee in town."
Piper gave a small smile, "Jay said I can't have any 'cause it will stunt my growth."
"He's right," Erin replied and gave a grateful smile to Jay. When she was Piper's age, Bunny was already giving her coffee before school after hosting parties the night before to mask the smell of booze and to keep her awake.
"You can have some hot chocolate though, if you're interested," Jay offered, "I know it's summer but it's still delicious."
"I never had hot chocolate," Piper said slowly, "Like chocolate milk?"
"But better," Jay said, turning for the cupboard to fetch the ingredients. A child who had never had hot chocolate? "You wanna take a seat next to Erin and I'll whip some up real quick?"
Piper nodded and climbed into the chair beside her older sister. "Did you sleep well?" Erin asked, doing her best to make conversation with the child she was still trying to get to know.
"Uh-huh. The bed is really comfy." She gave a shy smile to Jay who nodded in agreement. "I was really tired last night. We didn't even get to watch the Cubs."
"I'm sure we can catch the highlights on SportsCenter." Jay set a mug of hot chocolate in front of the little girl. "Alrighty, kiddo, it's a bit warm but should be okay to drink."
Piper skeptically lifted the cup to her lips. After the first sip, her eyes widened. "It's like drinking desert."
Jay chuckled and Erin flashed a smile, "It is," he nodded, "Special treat."
She took another sip, "It's really good." Piper set the mug back down, and glanced over to Erin, whose gaze was still slightly watery. "Is everything okay?"
Erin looked to Jay anxiously, unsure of what to say. "It is," he said slowly, trying to decide how to approach the situation. He wanted Piper to know that she was safe, but he also wanted to keep his promise to tell her the truth. "You're still safe here with me, and with Erin." He swallowed and exchanged another glance with his former partner, which he took to be the go-ahead to tell the little girl about her father.
"So we knew that you and Erin share the same biological mother, which is um, Bunny," Jay started, "But late last night, Erin got the full DNA results back, which showed that you and Erin have the same biological father as well."
Piper looked up at Jay curiously, and then to Erin. "Who is it?" she whispered nervously, "Does he want to take me too?"
Erin shook her head, "No um, we actually don't know who he is." She swallowed, "Bunny never gave me a straight answer growing up. She um, said for a while that he made some bad choices and wasn't around-"
"In jail?" Piper interrupted, "Or on drugs? Those kind of bad choices?"
She managed a nod in response, not sure if either bad choice was true but with a sinking suspicion they both were, "That's what Bunny said, yeah but um, all these years she never told me who he really was. And then um, about a year or two ago, this guy came around and said Bunny had been sending him pictures of me, and he thought he was my dad. But then we found out that Bunny was just lying and that he wasn't related to me, at all." Erin avoided Jay's gaze, the fallout from the whole ordeal still feeling very raw, "I thought for a bit it could be true, but it wasn't."
"So you don't know who your dad is? Our dad?" Piper asked softly.
Erin shook her head again. "I don't. I um, wish I did. I wish I had a better answer for you."
"But there's good news here," Jay said, "You and Erin are full biological siblings, which should make it easier for the judge to make sure that you can be together."
Piper was quiet for a moment. "How come she never told you the truth? About your dad?" She swallowed, "If he's your dad, and my dad, she's gotta know who he is."
Tears filled Erin's eyes at her sister's quick grasp of the situation. "I don't know," she replied honestly, "She um, has never really been good at telling me the truth. But I promise I'll do my best to give you all the information I have."
Piper nodded slowly in understanding. "You and Jay both tell the truth, right?"
"That's right," Jay confirmed as Erin nodded, "As best we can."
The little girl exhaled and nodded again. "You don't have to go to the district today?" Piper furrowed her brow as she glanced to the time on the oven. She paused, "A-am I keeping you from your job?"
"Not at all," Jay said quickly, "It's Saturday, which means it's my regular day off."
"Do you get a lot of days off?" She looked at Jay curiously, "I don't want to be the reason you get in trouble."
Jay was about to respond by assuring the little girl that he was more than happy to spend his days off with her, but then he realized who he was talking with. Unfortunately, Piper wasn't a regular kid. She'd spent years experiencing trauma he'd only scratched the surface of in their conversations. She'd been lied to, kept in the dark both literally and figuratively, and somewhere along the line, was probably told it was her fault when someone needed to stay home with her and they missed work. He swallowed, "Did someone tell you that staying home with you gets them in trouble at work?"
His heart clenched as Piper nodded slowly. Erin was listening intently from her seat beside her sister, still nursing the cup of coffee Jay poured for her as if the empty cup would mean she needed to leave. "I'm not in trouble at all," he promised, "And you're not keeping me from anything. You are more important than work anyway."
Piper let out a soft sigh of relief. "I thought it was my fault," she whispered, "I would always get in trouble when they got in trouble for missin' work."
Jay shook his head, "Adults are supposed to take care of kids," he said, offering a kind smile. He caught Erin's gaze out of the corner of his eye.
"You don't need to work either?" Piper asked Erin softly, "You won't be in trouble?"
Erin shook her head, "I get the weekends off," she said, "And I just finished up an assignment, so after that I always get to take a few days too. But my next assignment just has me going into an office once or twice a week. I can do most of it from my computer."
"Well if you're not working, you wanna stay for breakfast?" Jay offered, "I was thinking maybe waffles."
Erin managed a smile, relieved that she wasn't leaving just yet. "That sounds great." She stifled a yawn. God, she was exhausted. The night before she'd been up tossing and turning, unable to sleep with the thought of Bunny and whoever her father could be racing through her mind. The anxiety of telling Piper had been lifted, since Jay thankfully took care of that, and now she was positively beat.
It didn't feel great leaving out the details of her New York life when talking to Piper. She'd barely mentioned her job, but the simple omission left a bad taste in her mouth. At some point she was going to need to tell the little girl about her work being stationed in New York, and she'd have to make sure her higher ups signed off on a transfer to an actual desk job. There was no way she could raise her sister while also working all hours and facilitating counter terrorism raids.
Piper let out a yawn as well, seemingly just as tired as her older sister. "You guys want to take a seat on the couch while I get the waffles going?" Jay offered, noticing just how tired the two sisters were, "The game recap might be on SportsCenter, Pipes."
"I thought you were gonna teach me to make the mix this time?" Piper looked slightly disappointed and Jay immediately backtracked.
"How could I forget?" He gave a goofy smile, "Alrighty, let's get this party started. You want to grab the mixing bowl from down below while I gather up the ingredients?"
Piper nodded and vacated her chair while Jay pulled the ingredients down from the cupboard. "More coffee?" he offered to Erin, pulling her out of a daze.
"Please," she extended her mug, which he filled.
"You wanna sit on the couch while we get these waffles up?" Jay gave a concerned smile, knowing just how exhausted his ex-partner was.
"I'll fall asleep," she replied dryly, "But I'll burn the waffles, so I might just stay here."
"Fair enough," Jay chuckled, turning back to his smaller sous chef, "Alrighty kiddo, I'm going to give you my secret waffle ingredient."
After several waffles, Jay suggested a board game. He could tell that Erin didn't want to return to an empty apartment with her thoughts, and with his day off, it was a great opportunity for her and Piper to get to know each other better. He thought about an excursion to the zoo or aquarium but given how nervous Piper could get in crowds and with strangers, Jay decided that staying in his apartment would be best for them to get to know each other. "We could do Monopoly," he suggested, "Or Clue or something?"
"What takes the least amount of brain power?" Erin quipped as she swallowed a yawn, "If we're going to be thinking, I'm going to need more coffee."
"I never played those," Piper said quietly, appearing slightly nervous in her chair at the table.
"We can teach you," Jay offered a wide grin after taking a long sip of coffee. "I'm going to make another pot of coffee. You want to check out that cabinet over there to see if there's anything you're interested in?" He gestured to a cupboard beside the television where he kept an assortment of games. It wasn't like he was a huge board game guy, but he'd built his collection over the years, and a few came from his mom's house. She loved a quiet day indoors with her boys, and playing a game always made him nostalgic.
Erin and Piper settled on the couch with Monopoly on the coffee table while Jay prepared another mug of coffee for Erin and himself. After a few turns, both of them were fading. The comfort of Jay's new couch was luring Erin into a light slumber, and every few minutes she'd startle, realizing it was her turn to play.
Piper, who had woken up early from overhearing Jay and Erin's voices, wasn't faring much better. She was trying to remain engaged but also appeared to be fighting sleep even thought it was just after nine in the morning. "I guess I'll buy St. James Place," Jay decided, passing over the correct amount of paper dollar bills, "Erin?"
"Sorry," she shook her head, "Zoned out for a second there. Um, yeah I'll take your money."
Jay chuckled. Erin was supposed to be the banker, but her exhaustion was clearly making the task difficult. Piper jumped when Jay's phone chimed loudly. "Shoot," he mumbled, immediately recognizing the number and realizing that he was missing an appointment. "I've gotta take this and it might be a minute. You guys want to continue playing, or wait for me?"
Piper shrugged wordlessly and glanced over at her older sister, who shrugged as well. "We'll wait for you to get back to pick up the game," Erin confirmed and gave a small smile of encouragement.
"Don't take my money," Jay gave a playful smile and quickly hurried to his bedroom. "Hey, doc, sorry I missed our appointment. Things have been a bit crazy around here."
"Not to worry," Jay's therapist replied, "We can reschedule the session, or we can do it over the phone if that's easier for you."
"One second," Jay cleared his throat and poked his head out of his bedroom door to check on Erin and Piper. He'd been meeting with Dr. Jeremy Kim for the past ten or so months on a bi-weekly basis. It started after a particularly horrific flashback caused Jay to drive his fist through a window in Will's apartment. His brother, rightfully concerned, had carefully recommended Jay start talking to a professional.
Dr. Kim had served in the Gulf War, and had been the person who advised Jay begin attending veteran's support meetings. Talking to someone who had been through a similar situation and gotten passed it did wonders for Jay. The coping mechanisms and advice the therapist provided helped Jay out of one of the toughest times in his life, and for that he was forever grateful.
Erin had turned on SportsCenter at a low volume, but was leaning against the couch cushions with her eyes closed, clearly well on her way to a much-needed nap. Piper's eyes were half-mast as she watched the game recap, appearing relaxed beside her sister on the couch. They'd likely be fine for a few minutes, and Jay knew that it was important to keep himself mentally healthy to be able to support Piper (and Erin) in any way they needed.
"If it's alright with you, can we do this over the phone? I've got a few minutes," Jay suggested, taking a seat on the floor by his bed. He was keeping his voice low to avoid rousing Erin. After she admitted to having not slept the night before, he knew that his ex-partner was in desperate needed of a snooze.
"You want to fill me in on what's been going on?"
And so Jay went into the whole story – finding Piper, having her stay with him, realizing she was Bunny's daughter, Erin coming back to town, the custody battle, all of it. He couldn't help but smile as he talked about his relationship with the child he'd taken in. There was something about it that filled him to the brim.
"And now Erin's back in town," Jay told him, "It's been a bit weird, not going to lie, but it's different. I feel like I've changed a lot in the year she's been gone, and I'm spending all this time with her sister who nobody knew existed."
"Wow," the doctor mused, "That certainly qualifies as a crazy few weeks. How are you feeling about it all?"
"Honestly?" Jay thought for a moment, "I mean, pretty good. Having Piper around has been really great. She's an awesome kid, and it's kind of taken me away from work which has been a nice change of pace. And having Erin back…I don't know. We haven't really talked about anything that happened between us, since we're mostly focused on Piper. I guess, I'd like to talk about it, when she's ready. But she's going through a lot, with her mother and sister and now maybe even her father."
"You sound like you're in a good place right now," Dr. Kim said, "I know I tell you that every time we speak you sound better, but today is different, Jay."
"I know, it's definitely different. And honestly I can't tell if it's having Erin back in my life or Piper, and I know hindsight is twenty-twenty or whatever, but I've been doing all this research about kids and coming from tough places and it just makes me think of all the things I could have done differently. With Erin, I mean." Jay took a breath and glanced to the closed bedroom doorway, knowing his ex-partner was on the other side. "I guess also last time she was in town, when we were together, I wasn't really takin' care of myself. I've learned that is really important."
"It is," the doctor confirmed, "You've worked hard at this, Jay. But it's tricky to look back on things from the past with knowledge that you have now."
"Well, the ending kind of sucked but I wouldn't change what I had with Erin. I-I loved every minute with her as my partner, and my girlfriend." He blew out a breath, "I just have to keep talking myself down from that part of my life though. Her being back, us having this new weird normal – I know I gotta separate it. And so much of me wants it just to fall back to the way things were, but I know that can't happen."
"Why can't it?" Dr. Kim probed, "What's holding you back?"
Jay rubbed his cheek, "Her life isn't in Chicago any more. She gave it up, gave us up. And as much as I want her to come back for good, I know that she's gotta do what's right for her."
"And what's right for her sister," Kim said, "You mentioned that Erin's looking to get custody of her sister, who has been staying with you."
"Yeah." He was quiet for a moment. Jay had thought about Erin leaving again. He knew it would be hard and that he'd miss her, but their relationship was different now. He was stronger and could stand on his own.
But Piper.
Piper moving to New York was something that Jay had put in the very back of his mind. Having the little girl in his life had turned things upside down in the best possible way, and part of him hoped she'd be with him forever. But reality was different. In the best case scenario, she'd be safe in New York with a sister who wanted to raise and love her. At worst, she'd remain in Chicago but with a parent who knowingly abandoned her. No part of Jay wanted Piper to be with Bunny.
"You alright?" Dr. Kim asked.
"Yeah, um, I was just thinking." Jay swallowed, "I guess I keep the thought of her leaving out of my head. I've really liked having a kid around, and Piper is just so…special. And when you were talking doc, the thought just crossed my mind about not wanting her to go to Erin because I want her to stay in Chicago and I just want to fucking kick myself because I know that's not what's right for her. I know she needs to be with her sister, I do. I just wish…I guess I just wish she could also be with me."
"That's being human," the doctor advised as Jay dragged a hand over his face, doing his best to keep the tears that had formed behind his eyes back, "You're allowed to feel all these things at the same time. You're allowed to grieve the loss of your partner, the loss of the child you've been raising, while also advocating for what's best for them. Choosing to do the latter is what's made you a good detective and friend. It's hard to not want to beat yourself up over your human thoughts, but the way you act on them is what matters."
Jay exhaled shakily and rubbed the tears from his eyes as the doctor continued, "So, are you going to continue to advocate for this child? Care for her regardless of her timeline with you, your relationship with Erin?"
"Of course," Jay replied immediately.
"Then you're doing the right thing, Jay. And the other thing you're doing right is talking about it. Getting the support you need. Leaning on your team to do the work while you're taking care of Piper."
Jay exhaled again, feeling like a weight had been lifted. "I can't believe it took me so long to go to therapy," he chuckled, "This helped doc, really."
"It's what I'm here for," the doctor replied. "Let me know if you need a referral for Piper, also. Kids in the foster system – it's tough. And from what you've told me today, which is of course always in confidence, but professionally speaking, you might see if the child could benefit from talking to someone. I know she has you, and Erin, but these things can be heavy."
"That's a great idea," Jay let out another breath, "I'm still trying to get her to open up to me, and to Erin, but I'll look into it. I really appreciate you taking this appointment over the phone too. With Piper in protective custody, I've gotta be close by, and I don't really want to leave her alone anywhere. Plus, I'm trying to get Piper and Erin to get to know each other a bit better, but it's hard if I'm always there since Piper can be pretty shy and Erin gets nervous."
"Happy to talk whenever you need it. Be well, Jay."
Jay hung up the phone, feeling better than he had in days. Honestly, it might have been the best he'd ever felt. Yes, Erin was back in town and Piper was in his life, but he was doing the work to take care of himself, something he'd never really done before. And while he knew the next few weeks would be full of highs and lows with court and Bunny and Erin and Piper and their father, Jay was just focused on the now, and two of his favorite people in the room next door.
Next up: more Dad Jay, some good news and something else..