Trigger warning for mentions of child abuse
"You wanna set the table?" Jay asked casually, chopping up some of the vegetables for the tacos, "Erin should be here in a few minutes." Piper nodded eagerly and went about her usual dinner time task of setting the table. Part of the routine Jay had researched involved tasks they could own, and Piper had taken to putting the forks and knives out while Jay maneuvered hot pans or boiling water.
After his conversation with Hailey, all Jay wanted was an easy dinner with Piper and Erin. They'd gotten into a routine, and with Piper's growing trust of her sister, Jay was looking forward to watching the two of them interact. He knew that Hailey was coming from a good place – she cared about him, and she was his partner after all, but she didn't know the whole story. Heck, he didn't even know the whole story. Tonight, he was hoping to change that.
Jay knew that he and Erin needed to have a serious conversation. They needed to talk about what happened and how they were both going to get the closure they needed. After the first part of their chat yesterday, Jay was optimistic. It wasn't going to be easy, but he needed them to be on good terms for Piper.
A loud crash and a yelp yanked Jay out of his own thoughts. "Piper!" he shouted, dropping the knife and hurrying toward the kitchen table.
"Don't hit me, don't hit me," Piper begged, large tears streaming down her cheeks as she crouched beneath the kitchen table, shards of broken glass around her, "I'm sorry."
Jay immediately froze.
Piper thought he was going to hit her?
He swallowed, willing his heart to stop racing. The sound of breaking glass usually transported him to Afghanistan – the heat, the pain, the loss – but this time, Jay shook his head and closed his eyes to ground himself. "I'm not mad at all," he said slowly after taking a breath, squatting down on the floor in an attempt to meet Piper's gaze, "Are you hurt kiddo?"
"I won't do it again," she insisted, almost as if she didn't hear Jay's words, "Please don't hit me." The little girl was cowering underneath the kitchen table, her knees drawn to her chest in an attempt to make herself small as she avoided Jay's gaze.
His heart lurched.
"I would never hit you," Jay choked out, a lump growing in his throat as he regarded the petrified child in front of him. Piper was positively trembling, her face buried in her knees. He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry I shouted, I was just worried that you had gotten hurt." Jay attempted to smile while mentally kicking himself for raising his voice when he thought Piper had been hurt. "A broken glass is no big deal."
Piper didn't lift her gaze, and instead huddled closer into herself as Jay surveyed the damage. It looked like a glass had just slipped from her little hand, but he was so surprised by how petrified she was.
They'd been together for just over three weeks, and in that time Jay took it upon himself to do as much research as he could about children emerging from the foster care system. From his job, he knew just how bad it could be for some kids, and based on the bits and pieces of Piper's experience that she'd relayed, it wasn't good for her. He was still trying to get her to open up, but this reaction was new. She hadn't been so afraid of him before.
"You're safe here," Jay said after a few moments of silence, unable to sit quietly while Piper's harsh pants of distress filled his ears, "Nobody is going to hurt you, Pipes, I promise." He paused, unsure if giving Piper space was the right move, or if attempting to convey his trustworthiness would be a better option.
He decided on a hybrid of the two, and sat on his rear on the kitchen floor, doing his best to be mindful of any stray shards of glass. The cup had broken fairly cleanly, but he didn't want to be too cavalier. "Are you hurt?" he asked gently, suddenly worried that in the midst of Piper's trauma-addled mind, she was actually injured from the broken glass.
Jay let out a short exhale when Piper shook her head slightly, her tiny form still shuddering beneath the kitchen table. "Is it okay if I come a bit closer?" He didn't want to frighten her, but it was all he could do not to scoop Piper up and hold her closely in his arms.
When he caught a glimpse of a small nod, Jay scooted forward to sit beside Piper beneath the table. "I'm sorry if I scared you," he said honestly, resisting the urge to stroke the little girl's hair back from obstructing her face, "I'm just worried about you, kiddo."
"I'm sorry," Piper croaked, her voice muffled, "I-I didn't mean to."
"It's okay," Jay assured her, "I don't care about a glass, but I do care about you." He couldn't help it. Jay reached a hand out and placed it atop Piper's head, frowning slightly as she tensed up. Immediately, he retracted his hand, upset at himself for frightening the little girl. "I'm sorry," he said quickly, pulling his hand back, "It's just me."
Piper lifted her head to meet Jay's gaze. His heart clenched at her tear streaked cheeks, but mostly due to the hurt and fear in her eyes. "You're safe," he repeated, "You're okay, Piper. I promise. And no matter what, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you."
She choked out a sob and scrambled forward into Jay's lap. He held her closely against his chest, rocking back and forth ever so slightly in an attempt to convey safety. "You're okay," Jay continued to repeat, "You're safe." He heaved a sigh of relief. She still trusted him.
Piper clung to Jay for what felt like hours, sobs continuing to rise inadvertently in her throat. Each whimper that came from her lips broke Jay's heart as he held her tighter, wishing that he could take away all the pain and trauma she'd endured.
"Oh, Pipes, you're bleeding a bit." Jay glanced down at the blood trickling down Piper's tiny palm. "Can we get you under a light so I can make sure there's no glass in there?"
Piper sniffed and managed a nod, but remained pressed into Jay's chest as he maneuvered himself out from under the kitchen table, doing his best to mindful of any glass. "Can I set you up here?" He asked, hoping to place Piper on the kitchen counter so he could get a good look at her cut. "I'll be right here."
She nodded and sniffed again, shivering slightly at the coolness of the counter top. "Watch your head on the light, okay?" Jay advised, fumbling at a kitchen counter drawer. He pulled out a pair of glasses and popped them on his nose. "Can I see your hand, kiddo?" He asked, extending his calloused palm for the little girl to place her hand in his. As Jay held the tiny fingers in his own, he was overwhelmed by how small her hand was. She was just a little girl, who had been through so much in her nine years, most of which he didn't know about.
Jay examined the cut on her hand and determined there was no glass. "Just a cut," he informed her, offering a smile, "We should wash it out with some antiseptic, just to be sure, and cover it with a band aid." He rummaged in the drawer again and pulled out his kitchen first aid kit.
He'd began the practice of keeping a first aid kit in the kitchen after he started dating Erin. He usually kept a big one under his bed for any real emergency, but after he and Erin started cooking together, he realized just how much of a klutz she could be in the kitchen. Her stories of marina sauce on the ceiling all made sense after she burned her wrist on a pot of boiling water and nicked her thumb dicing tomatoes. After that, Jay was sure to keep a small first aid kit within reach, just in case.
"This might sting a little," he warned as he dabbed a cotton ball with antiseptic, "But we gotta make sure your cut stays clean, okay?" Jay searched Piper's eyes for approval, relived when she gave a tentative nod.
She squeaked when he made contact. "Sorry, kiddo," he apologized, quickly removing the antiseptic and producing a band aid from the first aid kit. "Just going to make sure it's covered up, alright?"
Jay placed the band aid on Piper's small hand and pulled back to review his handiwork. "I used to always get cuts and scrapes growing up," Jay told her, turning over the little hand to make sure there were no other cuts, "And my mom, she always cleaned me up." He offered a small smile, "And she always kissed it better."
Piper looked confused at Jay's statement, and watched intently as the detective who'd taken her into his home, showed her love and kept her safe, leaned down and pressed a careful kiss on her band aid. She sucked in a short breath, tears once again filling her eyes. "Did I hurt you?" Jay asked immediately, relieved when Piper shook her head. Instead, she leaned forward to wrap her arms around Jay's neck and held tightly as he lifted her into his embrace again.
Erin had texted him that she was running late, and Jay was honestly glad she was. Piper had remained on his hip as he swept up the glass with one hand and quickly ran the vacuum to gather any shards. He was glad he was holding her – he didn't want her to get any glass on the bottoms of her feet – but he was also just glad to have the little girl close.
When a knock came at the door, Piper tensed up in Jay's arms. "That's Erin," he said, "Can I set you down to answer the door, kiddo?"
Piper nodded and exhaled shakily when Jay carefully set her down on the floor. "Thank you," she whispered.
Jay replied by giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "I'll be right back, okay?"
Erin swallowed a gasp when her former partner opened the door to his apartment. Jay looked sexy. The glasses on his nose made him look smarter, more suave, and overall more grown up. It was really working for him. "I didn't know you wore glasses," she managed after collecting herself for a split second.
"Got them a few months ago. Slightly farsighted," he shrugged, "I only wear 'em for reading or when using the sight."
She nodded and stepped into the apartment, willing her heart rate to decrease. Jay was always good looking and always looked good to her, but she hadn't him expected to look so good this evening. On the other hand, she knew that she was oozing exhaustion. Her head ached slightly from the day of looking at her computer screen and being on the phone with her superiors, all of whom were none too pleased with her request to transfer to a position with limited travel. "You alright?" Jay asked as she kicked off her shoes, a rule she started adhering to back when he moved in her place and was now a reflex.
"Hasn't been a good day," she sighed, raking a hand through her hair. "Just work stuff, you know."
"I get it," Jay nodded and lowered his voice. "Been a bit of a rough day here too."
Erin opened her mouth to reply but then caught sight of her sister. The little girl's red rimmed eyes and occasional sniffs were a tell-tale sign she'd been crying. That's what Jay meant by rough.
"Hi Noodle," she offered a smile, "You ready to make tacos?"
Piper replied with a soft nod, "I-I still get to help?"
"Of course," Jay cut in, "You wanna wash your hands in the bathroom since you can reach the sink better in there, and then we'll get started?"
She nodded again, and as soon as she was out of earshot, Jay turned to Erin. "Just spent almost an hour trying to get her to calm down," he said as quietly as he could, "She dropped a glass by mistake and absolutely lost it." Jay swallowed, "I um, think she thought I was going to hit her. Cut her hand a little, I had these on," he gestured to his glasses, "to see if there were any shards. She's fine now, just um, fragile."
Erin sucked in a breath and nodded as Jay spoke. "I didn't get details," he breathed, "But uh, judging by how scared she was and-"
"Someone used to hit her," Erin interrupted, her voice immediately choked up, "Or multiple someones."
He nodded solemnly. "We're okay now but, um, taking things slowly. She's been pretty quiet."
"Got it," Erin nodded and set the lettuce she'd been tasked with picking up on the counter. She flashed a grin to Piper as she emerged from the bathroom, "You ready to make Jay's favorite tacos?"
"Uh-huh," Piper managed the tiniest smile. Jay exhaled. She was going to be okay.
"I'm going to quickly jump in the shower before we eat, if that's alright with you guys," Jay said. After their first dinner over his famous stir fry, Jay decided that every time Erin came over, he'd try to give the sisters a moment or two alone together. He started with needing to use the restroom, but as Piper got more comfortable with Erin, he needed to get creative for time. He'd gotten up to claiming the need to switch the laundry, but tonight, he thought Piper and Erin could handle ten minutes with him in the next room.
Erin nodded and swallowed before glancing over at Piper in an attempt to rid her thoughts of images of Jay in the shower. "How about we get started on mixing up the seasoning for the meat, hm Noodle?" Erin suggested brightly, hoping to set her sister at ease.
Jay took a step toward the bathroom. "I'll just be in here, okay? Holler if you need me."
Piper exhaled after Jay closed the door. "You okay?" Erin asked, keeping her hand on the back of the kitchen chair as the little girl climbed up to help with the seasoning.
Piper nodded meekly. "I got scared," she said finally, letting out another breath. She was staring down at her bare toes, unable to meet Erin's gaze.
"What were you scared of?" Erin probed, leaning slightly closer to Piper to hear the child's words clearer.
"I dropped a glass," she whispered, "And normally, when things break because of me, bad things happen."
Erin nodded in understanding. Jay's suspicions had been correct. They'd both thought about it, and knew what the little girl had been through deep down, but hearing Piper admit to it was another thing entirely. She swallowed, "Jay would never hurt you. I would never hurt you, either. You're safe here, with us."
"I-I-I know," Piper replied, "I know I'm safe but for a few minutes I just remembered and I got scared. I-I didn't mean to be scared of Jay, I don't want him to be mad."
"He's not mad, not at all," Erin assured her, "He knows you've been through a lot, and you're allowed to feel scared sometimes." She paused, "I um, I get scared sometimes too."
"You do?" Piper lifted her eyes to meet Erin's gaze, "Really?"
Erin gave a sad smile. "Yeah. Sometimes, I'll see things, or smell something or hear something that reminds me of some of the scary stuff I've been through. Sometimes it isn't even anything that anyone would think would be scary, but it is to me."
Piper was quiet for a moment. "I know Jay wasn't gonna hit me, but when I saw the blood I thought for a second it could happen again."
"What could happen again?" Erin pushed, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. She wanted to be a part of Piper's story, to learn about what she'd been through and help her heal, but at the same time, she wanted to be blissfully unaware of the pain her sister had endured.
"Getting hit," Piper shrugged. "I only bleeded a few times, but that's what scared me. When I saw the blood." She held up her tiny hand where Jay had placed a band aid and kiss, "Jay had to use the stingy stuff on it."
Erin could only nod. "I'm so sorry that happened to you," she choked out.
"I've bleeded before," Piper shrugged again and closed her hand, "No big deal. It doesn't even sting anymore."
"I-I mean about um, you being hurt," Erin managed, doing her best to keep the tears at bay, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
Piper just looked at her sister, as if she was searching her eyes. "You did too," she said, putting her hand on top of Erin's that was keeping the chair steady.
"W-what?" Erin stuttered, unclear how Piper knew some of the most private memories from her childhood, most of which hadn't even been disclosed to Jay or Hank.
"Kids who've been hit before just look different," Piper informed her gently. "When I would go to new places with other kids, you can just tell." She regarded Erin with soft eyes, "I could tell, when I first met you." She exhaled, "Same with Jay."
Erin sucked in a breath and managed a wordless nod before Piper wrapped her tiny arms around her neck and held tightly. She choked out a sob when her little sister pressed her face into her neck. "Everything okay?" Jay asked as he emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered. Piper pulled back and gave a nod, followed by a gentle smile.
"We're okay," Erin confirmed, sniffing and wiping her eyes. "Just talking." She cast a watery glance toward her former partner, "You want to start on the meat?"
Dinner was quiet, but for the first time, it was comfortably quiet. Jay and Erin exchanged a glance as Piper yawned again. It had been just over a day since Dr. Manning had diagnosed Piper with anemia, and even with the new supplements and increase of iron in her diet, the little girl was still exhausted. Jay had even sent a panicked text to the doctor, who assured him that Piper's iron levels would take two to three weeks to stabilize. "You ready for bed, kiddo?" Jay asked gently after Piper let out a third yawn in as many minutes.
He hadn't expected the little girl to nod in agreement, as she usually pushed to get to watch some of whatever game was on, but she was clearly bone tired. "I'm going to brush my teeth," she decided, carefully getting off her seat and shuffling to the bathroom.
"She's absolutely wiped," Erin remarked, offering a small smile to Jay.
He nodded. "Nat said it could be um, a few weeks til her iron levels get better." Jay exhaled, "You doing alright?"
Erin managed a nod in response. "Yeah. Uh, the guy who hired me left soon after I joined, so I'm dealing with this jerk based out of Chicago, actually. Tried to have some conversations with folks in New York but uh, tomorrow I've gotta go down to his office to hash everything out."
"Ah," Jay replied, "Sorry to hear that."
She shrugged dejectedly. "It's fine. Nothing I can't handle." She gave another small smile, "What story are you going to tell tonight?"
"Depends on what Piper requests," Jay replied, "I've got a lot of Erin stories in the old file cabinet," he tapped his forehead teasingly, earning a snort from his former partner.
"You better keep it G rated," Erin shot back as Jay wiggled his eyebrows. She paused, reveling in the ease between her and Jay. God, she missed it so much. The banter, the conversation, the comfort, Erin missed it all.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the shrill chime of Jay's cell phone. "One sec," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "Halstead."
Erin watched as Jay's brow furrowed. "Tomorrow?" he asked. He put a hand on his forehead, "Yeah, I know. I just wish we had more time but I get it. I'll talk to her and um, get her ready." He exhaled, "Thanks." Jay turned to Erin, who was looking at him worriedly. "That was um, Jenna O'Donnell," he informed her, "Bunny's visitation got scheduled for tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Erin let out a shaky breath, "That's so…soon."
"I know," Jay mused, glancing at the closed bathroom door where Piper was getting ready for bed, "She was apologetic for the last minute notice but said it's all kind of out of her hands." He reached across the table and put his hand on Erin's. "She's going to be okay, Er."
Erin nodded. "I know I just…I just know how hard it was growing up with Bunny." Unwanted tears filled her eyes, "I don't want that for Piper." She paused and looked to the bathroom, "You were right. About her and the-the abuse." Erin brought her other hand to cover her eyes, "I hope Bunny doesn't fuck this up."
Jay was quiet. In his experience, Bunny had the unique ability to literally fuck absolutely everything up in Erin's life, but he didn't want to say anything. Instead, he cleared his throat and stroked the top of Erin's hand. "We'll be there for her."
She nodded again and wiped her eyes after squeezing Jay's hand. "How about a story?" Jay offered as he heard the bathroom door open. He turned in his chair and offered a smile when Piper rubbed her eyes.
"Can Erin listen with me again?" Piper asked softly, glancing from Jay to Erin, "Please?"
"Absolutely," Jay beamed, getting up from his chair to head to Piper's bedroom. Erin followed suit, watching as Jay pulled back Piper's comforter to get her ready for bed. The little girl clambered onto the bed, and Jay tucked the blankets around her. His gentle fatherly mannerisms tugged at Erin's heart as she stood in the doorway.
"H-how come you look nervous?" Piper whispered as she looked up at Jay, her eyes swimming with curiosity and exhaustion. Jay raised his eyebrows in surprise – she was certainly intuitive.
He cleared his throat and crouched down beside the bed. "I'm not nervous kiddo," he reached hand out to stroke her forehead, "But um, do you remember what we talked about in the hospital yesterday? About you going to spend an hour with your biological mom?"
Piper nodded slowly. "I still gotta?"
Jay nodded in confirmation, "Yeah, um, Jenna, um, Ms. O'Donnell, she just gave me a call to say that she'll be by tomorrow to pick you up. It will only be for an hour, and she'll drop you off right back here." He ran his thumb over Piper's warm cheek, "I know it's soon and scary, but it's going to be okay."
The little girl was quiet as she regarded Jay, and moved her gaze to her sister, who was standing rigidly by the door. "I wish I could just stay here. With you." Piper took a deep breath, "But I gotta do it, don't I?"
Erin nodded and took a tentative step toward the bed. "You'll be able to ask her questions, and get to know her," she said, doing her best to convince herself that Piper would be fine for an hour with Bunny. Erin tried to force a smile, "It's going to be okay."
Piper swallowed. "I-I don't want to go to sleep anymore," she whispered, pushing the comforter off her lap. "Can I come sit with you on the couch?" The little girl looked desperately at Jay, eyes wet with unshed tears, "Please?"
"Okay," Jay acquiesced. He knew it was better for kids to fall asleep in their own bed, but after the rough day they'd had, he figured Piper falling asleep next to him on the couch was better than forcing her to sleep in her own bed. At that, Piper practically tumbled off the bed and into Jay's arms. She caught him by surprise but he held tightly, hoping to provide as much comfort as he could.
Piper continued to cling to Jay as he settled on the couch, Erin following behind him. She took her cues from Jay when it came to Piper – he really knew her best. Thankfully, the little girl relaxed slowly as the evening wore on. Erin started methodically running her fingers through Piper's soft hair as her sister remained pressed against her ex partner's chest, craving the security that had been denied to her for most of her life.
"I know we were going to talk tonight," Jay murmured, after Piper's breath evened out, "But maybe tomorrow you could come over after her visit? It might be good for her to see you."
Erin nodded in agreement, "Tomorrow. This is what she needs right now."
To say the day was difficult would be an understatement. For the first time in three weeks, Jay was needed out in the field, so Voight tasked Burgess with babysitting Piper at the district. Burgess was nice enough and did her best to interact with the little girl, but she remained stoically seated in the breakroom reading while the officer worked from her desk. Jay had never been so happy to see Piper after he returned to the district. After a half day of awkward conversations between him and Hailey, all Jay wanted was to go home to dinner with Piper. And Erin.
But Bunny had a visit scheduled, and that meant Jenna O'Donnell was picking up Piper for an hour long excursion away from Jay. He'd barely been separated from the little girl for more than a few minutes in the last three weeks, but was now required to spend hours apart. Piper was growing increasingly withdrawn as he drove them home, barely able to hold a conversation.
"I'm sorry again about today, kiddo," Jay said finally as he opened the door to the apartment. "I missed you a whole bunch."
Piper's gaze softened. "I missed you too." Her breath hitched. "I'm really nervous about seein' her. My biological mom."
Jay knelt down to meet her eye line. "I know. And you are being so brave, and I'm so proud of you. But you'll be home soon, and tomorrow I should be at the district, so we can work together at my desk, how about that?" After a day driving around with Hailey, Jay had gone into Voight's office and requested that for at least the next few weeks, the sergeant formally put him on desk duty.
Voight could clearly see how nervous Piper had gotten in Jay's absence and was surprisingly apologetic and understanding. Piper was still skeptical of the older man, despite his close relationship with Erin. Jay had filled him in on the progress Erin and Piper had made, and he could have sworn that his sergeant looked proud. After approving the desk duty request, Voight let him know that he'd invited Erin over for a barbeque on Saturday, and that he and Piper were invited as well.
"I don't want you to get in trouble," Piper whispered, leaning into Jay's embrace, "I'm sorry. For being nervous."
"You don't need to apologize," Jay promised, pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead, "I'm not in trouble. In fact, Sergeant Voight invited us to his house this weekend for a barbeque. With Erin. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
"You're gonna be there?" Piper asked, "And Erin?"
"Yep," Jay confirmed, continuing to hold her closely. He felt the skittish child jump when a knock came at the door. "That's Ms. O'Donnell."
Piper held fast to Jay's neck, so he stood with her in his arms to answer the door. "Hey, Jenna."
"Hi," the social worker greeted brightly, "She ready?"
He nodded and stroked Piper's hair back. "Ms. O'Donnell is here to take you to meet your mom," Jay said, doing his best to sound positive, "She's going to bring you back here in just over an hour, and then we'll have dinner. Super easy."
"I don't want to go," Piper whimpered, still holding fiercely to Jay's neck as he knelt down in the entry way to his apartment. "I don't want to meet her."
"I know," Jay soothed, "And I know how difficult this is, and scary, and overwhelming. But the judge thinks it's important for you to get to meet your mother, and get to know her a bit."
"She gave me up," she choked out, "How come she still gets another chance?"
He sighed, not really sure why Bunny deserved yet another chance. Erin had given the woman so many, and she just continued to let her down. "I don't know," he managed, "But I do know that I'll be waiting here for you, when you get back. And I was thinking we'd have pizza for dinner. No spinach."
"Is Erin gonna come over?"
Jay's heart leapt on behalf of Erin. He was so glad that Piper was warming up to her, but if he was being honest with himself, it did make him the smallest bit jealous. He quickly put the thought out of his head. This was good, and of course, Erin was always coming over for dinner. "If you'd like her to, I can ask," Jay offered, wanting to ensure Piper thought Erin coming over was her idea, even though they'd already planned on it. "I think she'd love to have pizza with us."
"Okay," Piper nodded, "I-I like it when she comes over. When you're here."
Jay smiled. Progress was progress. "I like it too." He turned to kiss the top of Piper's head. "You're being so brave, kiddo. And I'm so proud of you. I'll be right here waiting for you to come back, okay?"
Piper nodded against his neck, still holding tight. "I love you, Pipes," he murmured, gently running his hand up and down her back in an attempt to bring some semblance of comfort, "You're gonna do great."
"Love you too," she mumbled, gripping impossibly tighter, "No spinach on the pizza?"
"No spinach," he grinned. She released her hold and sniffed in an attempt to keep her tears back.
"Ready, Piper?" Jenna smiled brightly, giving a kind nod to Jay.
The little girl managed another nod. "Bye Jay."
"Bye kiddo," Jay cleared his throat, "I'll see you in a bit."
Up next: Bunny's visit (eek) and Jay&Erin finally talk it out. This one was hard but the next one is a doozy