Beth's Perspective

It's really starting to seem like I'm gonna lose this match. My life bar is almost completely empty. And...Yep. I lose. The other me got me with a paper cut. I should've saw that coming. "Congratulations, Beth."

"Thank you, Beth."

"So, can you please tell me what your brother's name is?" Why didn't the episode say what it was? That was so dumb. I should ask her that too. Or, nothing at all, apparently. She's walking right past me and is clearly not in the mood to chat. She's just rushing out of the room so fast and has a look on her face that says she doesn't care about me at all.

"I've got no time for questions. I've got other Beths across the multiverse to defeat. Onward! To the X universe!" she shouts. I wish I could give her a recommendation for other Beths to challenge, but the only other one I can think of is the one from Total Drama Island, who was probably the first one she went up against. I'm curious what X universe Beth is like, but not curious enough that I'm gonna go with her. I'm worried that having too many versions of the same character in the same place at once causes the space-time continuum to get destroyed or whatever. I don't know how this works.

Sid's Perspective

I found Izzy on Uranus and brought her back to my house. She wanted me to let you know that she was on Uranus by choice. The Purple Heart Pain did not beat her butt to Uranus, whatever that means. We're now heading inside and one of the Beths zooms past us. "Izzy, is that our Beth or the real Beth?" I ask, hoping my little buddy got a good enough look to be able to tell the difference.

Izzy just shrugs. I guess telling apart two people who look the same is the one thing her psychic powers can't let her do. Who cares though?! I've got a baby brother to go hold! "Where's the-" I catch myself shouting and lower my voice to a whisper. "-baby?" I realized that I should probably keep my voice down. Little Melbourne's less than a day old, after all.

I sit down on the couch and my mom gets up from the chair she's sitting in and starts walking over to me. She's coming over to hand me the baby. I'm sure since our parents always treat us completely equally, they let Adelaide get a chance to hold him too. Izzy, can you please confirm that for me? She's able to give her answer to just me and you readers by using her telepathy. Let's see what she has to say.

"She never wanted to hold him in the first place because she doesn't get what the point is." Oh. I didn't see that coming. "Joke's on her though. She totally would've gotten it once he was in her hands. That's how this kinda thing always works." Oh, great. Now I'm wondering if that's true too. Izzy, I love you, but please don't distract me right now. This is a really important moment for me.

My mom carefully places Melbourne in my arms and- I...I...I...I...

"Is this sudden interest of yours in the body part or the ninth letter of the alphabet?" Izzy asks me. I'm sure her intention wasn't at all to make fun of me. My friends would never do something like that.

The whole room feels dead silent now. I'm surrounded by people I love and yet it feels like that doesn't matter at all. I may as well be in a public place with people I've never seen before. I wanted to start talking about how good it feels to finally have a brother, but that thing about friendship I made the mistake of saying has now put something else on my mind and it's not gonna go away. It never freaking will!

Ever since I moved here, I've tried my best to accept my life the way it is. The reason I started calling her The Purple Heart Pain was to try to get myself to realize what Ronnie Anne is, my enemy. Sometimes, it feels like I've made great progress and all my misery is gone. But more often than not, I start thinking about Ronnie Anne the moment there's nothing on my mind. And I'm still in love with her!

No matter how hard I try to grow up and move on, I just can't get over the fact that I can't have what I want. I want the friendship with Ronnie Anne I never actually had back. I want her to see that I am a likable person. I want the person that I thought she was to return! But, just like anything else, a person can't return if they were never here in the first place.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! WHY CAN'T I DROP THIS?! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO PUT AN END TO THIS MENTAL TORTURE?! There's a teeny tiny part of me that refuses to give up hope that maybe things will be different some day. The rest of me that wants to murder that part with a laser gun is not only much bigger, but it's in the right. AND YET, the wrong part is the most obnoxiously persistent spoiled brat to ever exist. I HATE THIS SO MUCH!

...Am I crying? It feels like I am, but I've gotten so used to it that it's hard to tell now. I'm not at all surprised no one's asking me what's wrong. They all already know exactly what it is. I'm probably annoying them now since I've complained about this stupid thing so many times. I suck. I should probably jump in the ocean and live there for the rest of my life so I don't have to bother anybody anymore.

Literally everyone on Earth would have a drastically improved life if I was sixty feet underground where I belong! No need to have an angel show me an alternate reality where I don't exist. I already know exactly how it's gonna go. Big crybaby Sid is the reason for all the problems in the world! Just take me away now and Nintendo fans can finally have M... "Other me, are you alright?!" Huh? Did someone just ask me something? "I've never seen anyone cry this much. It looks like your eyes are gonna fall out." Oh, yeah. I almost forgot the original me was here.

"She'll be fine," my mom says reassuringly, which is not at all earned because it's a monumental lie. "She's probably just crying tears of joy because she's so happy to have a brother now." Again, the complete opposite of the truth. Did she learn nothing from what happened to me? The truth should always be told right away. Letting someone believe a lie at first will likely lead to heartbreak. And when it doesn't, it's probably because it led to heart destruction instead.

"Those are no tears of joy!" original me shouts. She can tell one kind of crying from another? Wow. I'm impressed. "What's got ya' down, Sid?" I avoid eye contact with her for a moment while I ponder if I should tell her or not. "Come on! Don't be shy. We're the same person, aren't we?" It's debatable if we are, but I don't blame her for not knowing that.

......Do I not want to tell her why I'm sad because I think it'll upset her, or because I know it'll upset me? I think it's the second one, which means I'm being selfish, which means I now- Hey, wait. "How do you not know?" I ask my counterpart. "In the first chapter, you seemed to know all about it."

"I have no idea what you mean by 'chapter,' but whatever. Are you talking about the bad thing that happened at your birthday party?"

"Yes. Exactly."

"That's what made you cry? I mean, I don't want to judge, but a ruined birthday cake isn't worth being upset over after this long."

And now Adelaide is suddenly laughing her head off. "Is that the only thing that happened you heard about?" she asks while original me stares at the top of her head for some reason.

"Okay, seriously. What's the deal with that hat?" asks the original me. Okay, now I get why she was looking at it.

"Not now," answers Adelaide. Wait. Does that count as answering? "You've gotta hear the rest of the story!" And with that, I'm going outside. I can't hear about my stupid birthday one more time! I've handed Melbourne to my dad and now I'm heading for the front yard as fast as I can. That's not very fast, by the way. Being sad makes people move slower. That's just an undeniable fact.

Izzy's Perspective

I've gone with her. Now that we're outside, we've come across some hot buff guy with no shirt. He's got a super long sword and a big black wing on his back. That's right. Just one wing. What a loser. I wouldn't have thought anything of it if he had no wings because that's common. But only having one? That's just pathetic. It's coming across to me like he was supposed to have two wings, but wasn't cool enough for it, so they only let him have one.

His sword is really long. Way longer than a sword would ever need to be, in fact. I'll bet he's compensating for something. That something of course being the fact he doesn't have two wings.

I think I get what he's doing here though. If he grants Sid a wish and teaches her a valuable lesson, he'll earn his other wing. "Go ahead, best friend who doesn't need The Purple Heart Pain. Tell him what you wish for," I say while patting her on the back. This is gonna go such much better than the last time she made a wish!

And now Sid's just standing here. I think she's getting an idea! "Oh my Arceus! I just figured it out!" she shouts. I don't get what she's talking about and I am very intrigued. "When I blew out my birthday candles, I said 'I wish for nothing.'" That's true. She said it in her head like you're supposed to, but, once again, the fact I'm psychic is what's important here. Let's see where Sid's going with this. "The birthday magic took it the wrong way and granted it. Once I knew Ronnie Anne hates me, it made me feel like I have NOTHING!" Oh my god. Why?! Let it freaking go! She doesn't like you and she never will! What do you even like about her?! She's a horrible person!

But, fine! I'll hear her out. "What's your point, Sid?" I just realized how rude a choice of words that is. It would've come out nicer if I wasn't so frustrated. "Sorry about the way I said that."

"It's okay. And what I'm trying to say is that I just gotta undo that wish and everything will go back to the way it should be because Ronnie Anne will like me again!" She did not. She did not just say 'again!'

"Bud, there is no 'again.' She always hated you. You know that."

And now Sid's just looking at me like I'm an idiot. That sure is the look I should be given right now. I said that sarcastically. You might've been able to tell, but I wanted to be sure. I hate being restricted to just text! "Did you not hear what I figured out? The wish obviously altered the past, resulting in this alternate reality where she never saw me as a friend."

...Okay then. I guess there's no harm in her thinking that. After she wishes to undo her last wish, it won't matter anymore. Since what the wish did was make her be upset forever, she won't be upset anymore once this new wish is granted, so she won't care about The Purple Heart Pain liking her anymore.

...Unless this change to the past she's about to make results in The Purple Heart Pain never revealing her big secret. If that happens, who knows how big of a ripple effect that's gonna have? We might end up in the exact position we're in now. I guess we'll have to see. "Go for it, pal. Make that wish!" I just hope I'm right about this being a wish-granter person. As far as I know, everything I'm saying is completely pointless and makes zero sense.

"Do you really think he's here to grant me a wish?"

"I'm about 33 percent positive about it!"

"Works for me." With a huge excited smile on her face, Sid turns towards the sword guy and says "Sephiroth, I've made my decision!" Are you kidding me?! Sid knows who this sword guy is, but doesn't recognize Dr. Mario? Oh, wait. It was the other Sid who called him just 'the doctor.' Never mind. "I wish I hadn't wished for anything on my birthday this year!" Sid exclaims. This is really hype! I can't wait to see what happens!

"Anata no kodomo-tachi ga watashi ni nani o nozonde iru no ka wakarimasen. Watashi wa Mario hakase to tatakau tsumoridattanode, koko ni iru dakedesu." I have no idea what he just said. I wish I could tell what language it was. That wouldn't help me understand him, but I'm curious now.

Anyway, let's see if it worked. "Did he grant the wish, comrade?"

"I think he did!" That's good. "Let me test it." Sid's now closing her eyes and picturing herself watching TV with Ronnie Anne. In this fantasy of hers, The Purple Heart Pain is not furious to be sitting next to Sid. Instead, they're both enjoying each other's company. Honestly, I can't even think of a way to describe how unbelievable it is to see such a sight. "And, I...I am still so overblowingly madly in love with her that the fact I can't have her makes me feel like all affection I receive from anyone else is completely meaningless," she says, back to frowning.

GOSH FLIPPIN' DARN IT! I can't believe this didn't work. "Okay. We have the right idea, we just need to use a more reliable source when making the wish," I suggest. "Let's go find a wishing well!"

"Terrific idea! But won't all the water be frozen?"

"If it is, we'll find an inside one." This is a flawless plan and anyone who thinks it isn't is even dumber than The Purple Heart Pain! Just kidding. Being dumber than her is medically impossible. Also, no need to show you us using the wishing well. I'll just tell you what's gonna happen. We are going to find a wishing well, we're gonna throw a coin into it, and then Sid will finally be cured. It going any other way has less than a zero percent chance of happening.

Beth's Perspective

I'm back home now thanks to my mom driving me and there's some grown-up lady I don't know here. "Hello, Beth. My name's Lillie." she says. "The Contra characters didn't get in Smash, at least not yet, so Anthony's gotta give a guest character a cameo. That's not what he said he would do when his predictions were wrong, but what he did say he'd do was incredibly freaking stupid, so we're doing it this way now." I don't have a clue what she's talking about.

Now there's some familiar-looking car driving up really fast. It's now making some cool noise and- Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! It's Bumblebee from Transformers. I hate him! Bees are without a doubt the coolest creatures in the multiverse by far and yet this dumb robot takes their name just because he's the same color. That is so dumb! I wouldn't mind so much if he was cool, but he never says or does anything. And turning into a car doesn't make a difference because cars are boring. I wish the DC character he shares his name with was here instead. I wouldn't even care which version of her it was.

I won't say anything though. I don't wanna hurt his feelings. "So, how'd getting a baby brother go?" the lady whose name I've already forgotten asks me. There is a giant robot here and she'd rather talk about that. That only proves my point.

Better answer her question. "It didn't. Neither of my parents are pregnant." I really wish I did get one though. I don't care about any of the benefits of being an only child. I'm not convinced there even are any. I wanna know what having a sibling is like, whether it be an older one or a younger one.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. With that in mind, how'd you like to know what Aunt Izzy told me is gonna happen on the fourth of July?" Ooh! That reminds me. I've gotta go ask Izzy if she got Cody back to his home planet yet. The sooner we don't have to be around him anymore, the better! How lucky that this person happens to have an aunt named Izzy, otherwise I might've forgotten.

"Thanks, but no thanks," I say to- I wanna say 'Milli?' "And no need to feel sorry. I'm just glad the Beth who's currently the like main Beth has a brother, which means I might get one too. You never know when I might. Honestly, the fact I never got to go to the zoo like in the real episode bothers me more." I mean, come on! This whole thing ended up being about Sid and Izzy more than me and they work at the zoo! That means the chance to have me going to it as part of the plot was gift wrapped for Anthony. Why didn't he take it?! Unless he just really doesn't wanna unwrap his gifts before Christmas, he's a total hack! I'm not sure if I know what that means, but it sounds like an insult, so...Yeah.

"You wanna go for a ride in Bumblebee with me?" Milli asks me, changing the subject again. What a bizarro. "We're gonna go see if the Casagrandes are doing another Google Translate Q&A episode!"

Let's see. A person I don't know who's much older than me just asked me to get in a car with them. ...Yeah, I'm already in the house with the door locked. I'll bet she stole Bumblebee too! I better go call Disney, or whatever company owns Transformers.

Ronnie Anne's Perspective

Why is there a Transformer outside?! "I believe that Transformer's name is B-127," Bobby says, suddenly standing behind me. He apparently doesn't know what Bumblebee's name is and thinks I asked. Oh, and now Bumblebee's holding up a boombox and playing some crappy love song. What the hell is going on here?!

"I'll bet Sid set this up," blurts out Bobby. "You should go kiss her." And, no. I am not even going to accept it as fact that he said that. Kissing makes me vomit, and he knows that, so kissing Sid would probably kill me. "If you do, it would get you right off The Naughty List!" I don't fucking care because SANTA ISN'T REAL!

And now some person who I think I've seen before is standing in front of Bumblebee with a megaphone and shouting "If you kiss her, maybe she'll finally get over you!" What kind of sense does that make? That's the total opposite of what it would do. Am I the only damn person in this city with any brains anymore?!

But, fine! I'll hear the bitch out. "What do you mean by that, Lillie?" Oh, right. That's her name. It just suddenly came back to me at the perfect moment. Don't you love it when that happens?

"Maybe the reason Sid hasn't gotten over you yet is because she needs a goodbye kiss from you first," claims Lillie. That's so stupid that I'm gonna throw a brick at her now.

Izzy's Perspective

It took us a while, but we finally found a wishing well we can use. "Before we do this, there's something I've been wanting to ask you," I say. "Do you think Melbourne will have a twin?

Sid gives me a friendly laugh. "That's not how twins works, Izzy. They've gotta be in the mom's belly at the same time." But they were! It's just that nobody knows that but me! Ha! Being psychic is awesome. Don't worry though. I'll never go mad with power.

"Feel any better?" I ask Sid after she tosses a coin in.

"Not at all," she replies. So, you know, that's just friggin' great. What are we supposed to do now? Just keep waiting and waiting until Sid's eventually not sad anymore? That'll probably take a hundred million billion years!

Oh, look. The original Sid's here all of a sudden. "Your Adelaide told me everything," she says with a sad face. "She also called you a batch, I believe. Then your parents starting yelling at her about it. Does that word mean the same thing in this alternate universe that it does in the real world?"

"Don't worry about it," my Sid says. "I know what she was trying to say."

"Okay then," says the Sid I don't care about. "And before I go home, I just had to let you know that I feel super guilty now. I get to be friends with the nice Ronnie Anne while you're stuck with the mean one. The way you found out she hates you was the saddest story I've ever heard! You wanna switch universe with me for a while?"

I appreciate the thought, but there is no way Sid is gonna agree to that. Ha! Trust me. We once tried to do that. It ended up not working because Ronnie- "I LOVE THAT IDEA! THANK YOU SO MUCH! LET'S DO IT ASAP!" Sid screams. I give up.

THE END!

...I'm sorry.

...About this three-shot being rubbish.

I just want to let you all know that I don't hate Transformers or Bumblebee. I like both. That hatred towards them is all Beth's.