"I don't know much about linguistics, but I know this. Don't base your thesis statement on something you're girlfriend said when you were making out" Daria said, holding back the urge to sound judgemental
"What about when I was eating her out?"
"Er, no"
"I'll email you though a reworked outline by tonight"
"How much do I owe you?"
"$20 should cover it. I can give you feedback on one further revision at no extra charge"
"Thanks" the girl walked away with a smile on her face.
The next girl had tears in her eyes. She handed Daria a sheet of paper.
"Its due tomorrow. And I haven't even started" she said between sobs.
"Okay" Daria began "You want my deluxe last minute term paper package. How much cash do you have on you?"
The girl handed Daria $50
"I want you to go straight to the library, and hand this note to the librarian" Daria began writing furiously "Then you start reading. Write down your email address, and I'll send further instructions this evening"
The girl did so "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you" she said excitedly, and tried to hug Daria.
"Touch me and our contract is null and void" Daria stated.
The girl stepped back.
"Don't just stand there, you've got a lot of reading to do." Daria stated calmly, and the girl walked off quickly.
"You're quite the entrepreneur" Jessica observed
"A girls gotta make money somehow" Daria relied, adding "Have you seen my Gothic lit textbook?" looking through her desk drawers"
"Not recently, why do you ask?"
"I'm sure I left it here somewhere" Daria replied, giving up for the moment "Just let me know if shows up"
"I will. Are you still meeting your friend today?"
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"I'm just curious is all"
"Then I'll be sure to inform you of any significant developments" Daria said, sounding very professional.
La-la-la-la-la
"I'm sorry Jane. We should have done this much sooner" Daria said, sitting in their new hangout, a local Pizza restaurant.
"Don't worry about it. These things happen" Jane replied
"Yeah, but I feel like its my fault and I feel guilty about it"
"What else?"
"What do you mean?"
"There's something else weighing on you. What is it?"
"What makes you think that?"
"Because I know you, Morgendorffer. Now, out with it"
Daria sighed. "A guy in my class asked me out"
"And…?
"And what?"
"How well do you know each other? How well do you click?"
"Well, we haven't know each other long, but we do seem to have a connection, but..." Daria trialled off
"But what..?"
"He has a dark side"
"In what sense?"
"Does the term black dog mean anything to you?"
"The Led Zeppelin song or…
oh" Jane said, realising what Daria meant
"Yeah"
"So, before I give you any advice, I'm going to ask for some"
"Alright"
"I got a voicemail from Allison"
"Alison?" Daria was momentarily confused
"As in Ashfield, got you drunk and came onto you Allison?"
"That's the one"
"What did the message say?"
"That she was sorry and wanted to talk about what happened"
"I say go for it"
Jane was stunned
"But be sure to set clear boundaries and make it clear what she did wrong"
"That's actually really good advice"
"I've got one or two in me" Daria smiled slightly
"And now its your turn"
"Okay, you want my advice. Here it is. You've spend your entire life saying no to things. For once in your life, say yes. Give this thing a go and see where it leads"
"Touche" Daria replied
la-la-la-la-la
Daria and Jason's date was at a fancy Mexican restaurant. Fancy enough to require signing in, but not so fancy that bookings were required. Daria arrived first, so she signed in for the two of them. She then sat down, asked for some water and bread sticks. She decided not to order anything until he arrived. And then there was nothing to do, but wait, and wait, and wait. As she waited, her thoughts turned to her date with Ted, the home schooled kid, if it could be termed a date. For a former recluse, he actually took to socialising pretty well. The downside of this was he ended up ditching her for a VR game with a group of their classmates. And then she waited for Ted. And waited, and waited, and waited. Daria hoped this situation would work out better. Jason had better have damn good reason for being late.
Eventually, her cell phone rang.
"Hello, is this Daria Morgendorffer?"
"Speaking"
"This is Joe Erickson. Jason is my brother"
"Do you know where he is or when he'll get here"
"I'm afraid he won't be joining you this evening. He's quite sick. He's just been admitted to Hospital"
There was a moment of awkward silence.
"Thanks for letting me know. Was there anything else?"
"No, but I'll be sure to inform you of any significant developments"
"Well, you have my number" Daria replied, and hung up.
La-la-la-la-la
Daria walked home with a mixture of disappointment and concern. When she got back, Jessica could tell something was up.
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to" she said.
Nevertheless, Daria explained to her what had happened.
"I'm sorry. That sounds like a tough situation" and put her hand on Daria's shoulder. The fact that Daria didn't immediately bat it away was an indication of how upset she was.
"I'll be alright" Daria said, although she didn't believe it, and then went to sleep.