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Erin let out a peaceful yawn as she laid in the grass outside Jay's cabin. Piper had adorably fallen asleep on her shoulder the night before, but all Erin could think about was how much Jay looked like a dad when he lifted the little girl off the couch and carried her sleeping form to bed. Watching Jay care for and love Piper filled her with a yearning she didn't know how to process. No part of her wanted to ever have to separate Piper and Jay, but she knew that there was a job and a life back in New York that she needed to return to.
Piper and Jay, the earlier risers of the trio, embarked on a hike just after breakfast. Erin was still waking up and couldn't help but smile as Jay rambled on about the view from the top of the hike. His excitement had been enough to convince Piper, but the two decided that Erin really did need to take it slow, and would be left at the cabin to take a mid-morning nap. While Piper had been skeptical about leaving her sister for any period of time, Jay promised that Erin would be safe, and she trusted him wholeheartedly.
Erin grinned as she caught sight of Jay and Piper returning from the hike. They'd been gone for several hours, and in that time Erin found time for two separate naps – one on the incredibly comfortable overstuffed couch right after they left, and another out in the Wisconsin sunshine. Her little sister was clutching Jay's back with her head on his shoulder, fast asleep in the early afternoon sun. The hike had clearly exhausted the little girl, but Jay had never looked so sexy. His muscles flinched with each step and his skin shone from exertion, but it was the boyish grin and sunglasses that made Erin suck in a breath. He looked like such a dad, but such a hot dad.
"How'd it go?" she chuckled as he approached her sun spot, propping herself up on her elbows, "She's absolutely passed out."
"Longer hike than I remembered," Jay replied breathlessly, "She was a champ all the way up. Thought I'd give her a lift down though, you know, make the workout a little more intense with the added forty-five pounds." His eyes sparkled, and Erin rolled hers in response.
"You're insane," she quipped, "Coulda sunbathed with me, but instead you decided a ten mile hike in the summer heat would be more fun. Honestly, Halstead, you are such a sucker for a good view."
Jay lifted his eyebrows suggestively. "Well, I think the view down here is better anyway."
Erin's tanned cheeks darkened slightly. "I made you guys some lunch," she said casually, "Figured you might be hungry after all the activity."
He nodded eagerly. "And the cabin's still standing? No open flame?"
"Ha, ha," she retorted, "I made cold sandwiches, so not exactly Ina Garten over here, but it's progress."
Jay flashed a grin and his stomach growled. "You wanna wake her up?"
"She looks so cute," Erin mused, rising to her feet slowly. She knew from experience that getting up too quickly with a concussion wasn't the best move, and after scaring Piper, Jay and Hank by not answering her phone the day before, Erin trying to be on her best concussion behavior. "Hey Noodle," she stroked Piper's sweaty cheek, "Did you enjoy the hike?"
Piper cracked her eyes open and gave a small nod. "Jay's got really long legs," she mumbled, her head still on the detective's shoulder, "He's fast."
Erin smiled and Jay chuckled. "How about some lunch?" she suggested, still threading her fingers through Piper's hair. There was something about her little sister that just made her always want to have contact with her. "I made sandwiches."
"Sounds amazing," Jay confirmed, "Pipes, you wanna wash your hands and we'll dig in?"
"Uh-huh," Piper yawned and slid off Jay's back after he crouched down, "Thanks for carryin' me down."
"Five miles up is a lot," Jay replied, exhaustion settling in his bones as well. It had been a long hike, and the view was gorgeous, but he was suddenly in need of a nap in the grass. "I say we eat a few bites of sandwich and then join Erin in some sunbathing."
"Sunscreen, kiddo," Jay said, holding out a spray canister to the little girl after lunch, "Don't want you getting burned, especially if we're just lying in the sun."
Piper wrinkled her brow. "But Erin's not wearing sunscreen."
Jay shot Erin a look. "Well, she's not setting a good example then," Jay teased as Erin put her hands on her hips.
"There was nobody here to spray me down," Erin protested weakly. She'd honestly completely forgotten to apply, and already felt the heat in her cheeks. Jay would never let her live it down, especially after the one time she got burned when they laid out in the park back when they were dating.
"Mm-hm," Jay chuckled, "Turn around, both of you." He shook the can and let the sunscreen spray, ensure that both of his girls got proper protection from the sun. "Pipes, you want to play some soccer while Erin turns into a lobster?"
Piper nodded, "You gonna sit in the shade this time?" she asked knowingly to her sister, who managed to suppress the playful scowl that was forming on her lips. Erin hadn't realized it back when they were just partners, or even when they were dating, but Jay had literally always been such a dad.
"You bet," Erin toyed with the ends of Piper's braided pigtails that Jay had done earlier that morning before the hike to ensure the hair would stay off her neck, "Can't have Jay making fun of me for getting too much sun again."
"You'll get dehydrated," Jay shot back and tossed Erin a cold water from the fridge before passing one to Piper. "And you know you get cranky when you're dehydrated."
"I do not," Erin exclaimed as Piper glanced from Jay to Erin, amused with their interaction, "Tired, maybe, but not cranky."
"Mm-hm," he repeated, switching from ribbing Erin back to Piper, "Okay kiddo, you ready to kick the ball around?"
Piper nodded eagerly and followed Jay out of the cabin, but not before grabbing her sister's hand and leading her outside as well. Erin's heart felt like it could burst again. She loved how much more comfortable Piper was getting to her.
Erin sat in the shade while Jay taught Piper a bit about soccer, wide grin plastered on her face the whole time. He was patient and careful in how he taught, and demonstrated the moves to properly kick the ball, how to run and chase it, and even how to evade defenders. Piper was determined as she learned the skills, and heeded Jay's words of instruction.
"Okay, and if a bigger kid is trying to take the ball from you, you gotta juke around 'em, like this." Jay demonstrated. "Now you try."
Piper did as Jay instructed and hustled around him. "Amazing!" Jay cheered, "You're a natural, kiddo."
The little girl blushed, her cheeks pink from running around in the late afternoon sun. Jay was glad he remembered to get her wearing sunscreen, the memory of Erin getting burned from a day off in the park still etched in his memory. The sunburn hadn't been that bad, but his girl had been incredibly uncomfortable, and if he was being honest, incredibly irritable. After applying aloe on her pink shoulders, Jay swore up and down to himself that he'd always remember to keep a bottle in the car to protect his fair-skinned partner.
Erin was glad she was wearing her sunglasses as she watched Jay and Piper interact. He was so goofy and fatherly with her little sister that it brought tears to her eyes. When Piper juked left, Jay caught her and swung her around in his arms. An honest-to-goodness belly laugh emerged from Piper's lips, and a few tears slipped down Erin's cheeks. She'd heard the little girl giggle here and there, but her laugh. She knew it, because she shared it with her sister.
She was overcome with melancholy as Jay returned her sister to the grass and continued to teach her how to play. When they were dating and Erin couldn't sleep, some nights she'd lie awake and think about what it would be like to finally reach a place of normalcy. A life with Jay, maybe a few kids, a dog. A grill out back for when Hank would come over, and a yard for her partner and their own hellions to race around in.
Erin dreamed of those days and hoped for those days, until suddenly those days felt impossible. The dreams turned into just that – dreams, and she pushed the thoughts out of her mind. In New York, she was focused on work, not about the future and a family and the what if.
But now, watching Jay and Piper, Erin felt a twinge of hope and sadness and yearning all at once. Suddenly, she saw it all again.
But it wasn't real life, Erin had to remind herself. She still needed to get custody of her sister, and she had a career back in New York. Jay was in Chicago, and they had split for a reason, though it was becoming increasingly difficult for her to remember what that reason was.
"Goal!" Jay exclaimed as Piper kicked the ball between two upside down pots he'd procured from the kitchen.
"Yay!" Erin cheered from the sideline, shaking her head slightly to clear the daydreams, "Great job, Noodle!"
"Get some water, kiddo," Jay chuckled, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand, "You were workin' up a real sweat out there."
"Soccer is fun," Piper said breathlessly as she dropped beside Erin on the blanket in the shade, "But it's hard work."
Erin grinned and tossed a water to Jay after ensuring Piper was drinking, which he gratefully guzzled. "You are getting it all over yourself," she teased, eyes trained on her former partner as he shed his sweaty t shirt and dosed himself with the cool water.
"So be it," Jay replied, immediately stretching himself out in the grass, "I am beat. You're a speed demon, Pipes."
"My legs feel like noodles," she said seriously and flashed a grin to her sister, "After all the hiking and the running."
"You are going to sleep like a rock tonight," Erin mused, touching the ends of Piper's pigtails again. They were absolutely adorable on her.
Jay took a dip in the frigid lake water but couldn't convince either of his girls to join him. While Piper took a shower, Erin helped Jay with dinner. The two moved around the small kitchen quietly and in sync. "She had so much fun today," Erin mused as she chopped up the peppers and carrots for the salad, "She's gonna be exhausted, but she was so happy. Like a real kid."
He smiled just thinking about the great day they had away from the drama back in Chicago. "I can't believe she hiked all the way up the mountain without complaining. Parts of it were really tough, but she powered through." His smile widened, "She was super excited to come back to see you though."
Erin's heart leapt and she dropped the vegetables in the salad bowl that Jay had laid out. "I missed you guys too. I mean, I took two naps so it wasn't a total waste."
Jay chuckled and then paused, realizing that Erin didn't make the trek because of the concussion. In all the fun he and Piper had been having, Erin's head had slipped his mind. "How are you feeling?" he asked gently, cocking his head to the side slightly to try to get a read, "Besides the sunburn."
She wrinkled her brow and tried to ignore the heat in her cheeks. She had gotten a good amount of sun but was definitely in denial. "I'm not sunburned," she retorted, "But my head is okay, really. The fresh air is good, I think. You don't need to worry about me."
He nodded, "I do worry, though. Never really stopped." Jay gave a sad smile, "I've never liked seeing you in pain."
Erin let out a breath when Jay gently cupped a hand on the side of her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "I um, I just can't thank you enough," she managed, bringing her hand atop his, "For being here. For taking in Piper, for looking out for me, for everything." Her breath hitched, "Watching you guys today, I just…I just always wanted that. Growing up with someone I could trust. And I mean I had Hank and Camille but I was older and you just get her." Erin gave a watery smile and met Jay's gaze, "We're lucky to have you."
Jay pulled Erin close in his arms and held tightly, ignoring every fiber of his being that was telling him to keep his distance and remain professional. "We've always been a good team," he murmured, "And I'll be on your team when it comes to helping Piper. I'd do anything, for either of you, Er."
She sniffed and nodded. "I like being your partner again. I um, I really missed it." She rested her head on his chest and the memory of her daydream flashed back. Maybe it wasn't impossible.
"I love it up here," Jay mused, flat on his back as they gazed up at the stars, unobstructed from any light pollution. After a quick dinner, he'd ushered them all outside to look up at the great beyond. It was one of his favorite parts about Wisconsin and getting away from the city.
Piper was settled in the middle of Erin and Jay, and while she'd been captivated by the stars, the amount of activity left her absolutely wiped. After a few minutes, the little girl's eyes had closed and her breath evened out, the safety and security of Jay and Erin allowing her to sleep peacefully.
"You always said you had a lot of good memories from this place," Erin replied, her head grazing Jay's arm as she rested against the blanket that Jay had spread for them. "I can see why. It's beautiful."
"We'd come up here for the summer, just me, my mom and Will," he said thoughtfully, "Was honestly some of the best parts of growin' up, because my dad would have to work still, and he'd be in Chicago doing whatever and because my mom had the summers off, it would just be us, away from him. It was good for us," he swallowed, "Time to get away. To heal. My dad couldn't take anythin' out on me when we were up here."
Erin tilted her head to see Jay's eyes. He was staring straight up, but she could see the moisture behind his baby blues, and instinctively cuddled closer to Piper and her former partner. He moved his arm so it was around Erin's shoulders, keeping both of them close. She'd always wondered about Jay's upbringing, and why he was so closed off when it came to talking about his formative years. She was reluctant to share the nitty-gritty horrible details of hers, and didn't ever want to push him to share his. But after Piper had mentioned that she saw the same sadness in both of their eyes, Erin just knew. And it broke her heart that she wasn't there for him before.
"In therapy, Dr. Kim was havin' me remember some of the stuff from growing up. We talked about the good stuff, the memories of fishing and messing around in the lake and looking up at the stars. And I realized that all of that good stuff was because of my mom. She was just so…" he trailed off, eyes gazing upwards, "After she died uh, I came up here. Alone. And I just laid on my back on the grass and felt close to her." He turned his head and met Erin's watery gaze.
Every time Jay talked about his mom, it took her breath away. She didn't know what it was like to have a good mom, other than Camille. And while Camille had been incredible, there was always something missing from her time growing up. Bunny never kissed skinned knees or baked cookies. She never told Erin that she loved her, or that she was special or smart or worthy of love. But Jay's mom did.
"I um, came up here after you left," he managed, "When you didn't say good bye I um, I couldn't stay in Chicago for another second. So I just drove here to get away from the team, the city, everything. Being here makes real life seem far away. That's what it's always been for me. A place to escape my dad wailin' on me, escape the memories of my second tour, escape a city that felt empty." He swallowed, "And right now, with you, and with Piper, it doesn't feel like real life. 'Cause real life isn't as good as this."
Erin sniffed and reached an arm over Piper to rest it on Jay's chest. Hearing it from his lips broke her heart. Deep down, she always kind of knew – they were the same in that way, having both been through similar trauma, as Piper had identified – but hearing Jay speak the words felt like they reached a whole new level in their relationship. "Thank you um, for bringing me here. And for letting me in."
He nodded and grazed her cheek with the hand that was draped over her shoulder. "I wish I had earlier," he said honestly, "I wish I'd brought you up here. I um, I actually planned us a trip up here." He smiled sadly, "Right after Nadia, you were in hell and I didn't know what I could do. I uh, drove to your place and was gonna just tell you to get in the car but I ran into your mom."
"You never told me that," Erin whispered, her voice wavering, "I didn't know-"
"I didn't want you to know," Jay interrupted, "Because your mom um, she told me that I wasn't good for you. That I was pushin' you down the dark path by trying to help. And I believed her." He swallowed, "And I shouldn't have. I should have brushed her off and took you up here."
Erin was quiet. "You were the only one who ever kept me off the dark path," she murmured, "A-after Nadia I um, I just really didn't know how I was going to live with myself. And then with Justin and everything I-" Her breath hitched. "You kept me safe. I-If you hadn't been there after Justin was killed I-I might not have made it. And after I was just so…broken inside. I tried not to show it, 'cause I thought I was okay but um, I wasn't." Her voice broke, "And the worst part was, you, you weren't okay either. And I couldn't do anything, and I watched you hurting and it just killed me that I couldn't be what you needed."
She sniffed, "When I left, I didn't say good bye because I knew that if I did, I'd completely shatter, and I didn't think I would be strong enough to put myself back together." Erin took a shuddery inhale, "So I just left. And I've spent a year in New York with everything inside me is still rattling around, just as broken as when I left. I-I'm not completely shattered, but the only reason I'm not is because I hurt you instead."
Jay couldn't help but let the tears trickle down his face at Erin's story. She hadn't said good bye because she was protecting herself. She didn't want to go down a dark road again. "Erin," he whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb, "It's okay."
"It's not," she shook her head, "H-Hank told me how bad it was for you, after I left."
"It wasn't good," Jay said slowly, "But for the first time, you were thinking about protecting yourself, instead of someone else. And you needed to do that. I know that now." He started to run his fingers through her hair, "Your whole life, you've been trying to protect your mom. You've been giving so much of yourself to the city, the victims, to Hank, but you always let yourself come last. And you had to keep your head above water, and if that meant I had to go through the same last year again, I'd do it over and over again if it meant that you'd still be here."
Don't worry, there's more where that came from. Please let me know what you think!
