CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY ONE
The sun was already low in the sky by the time the rental car pulled onto the last semi-paved road before it became frost, dirt, and stones. The forest had grown right up to the side of it, stopping only short of growing right in the middle to block what little traffic passed through. It was only a few miles before they'd be moving through the heart of the tiny little hamlet, and then...the 'rancid little cottage on a hill' that lay behind it.
Viktor was feeling the pit in his gut growing the closer the car got, crossing his arms tighter across himself as more of the landscape looked more consistently familiar.
"This'll be your, what...third time back here in the last year?" Mikhail said suddenly, breaking up the silence.
"...Yeah." The younger man answered quietly, "For a place I'd put so far out of my mind that I'd forgotten where it even was...I've been back a lot lately."
The silhouettes of old buildings started to creep in past the limbs of frozen, naked trees, looking like something of a haunted Halloween town than anything else. The only things that gave away occupancy were the smoke rising from chimneys, and the occasional window whose shutters weren't straight, letting light peek through the cracks. Not every building was being used.
"It looks even emptier this time than last." Viktor pointed out, "Now that I really look at it... For all that it still looks the same as I remember, part of me realizes that this place is just the withered husk of a town it once was." He turned toward his uncle, "How do you remember it?"
"It was an actual town, once." Mikhail answered, looking a bit grim as he thought on it, "Before everything fell apart, there were a lot of people here. Well, maybe not a lot, perhaps around a thousand, but still far more than there are now."
"...Everything fell apart? What do you mean?"
"Didn't you learn about the fall of the USSR...? It happened almost right after I left."
"I was 5 when you left. And sure I know about all that."
"So?" The older man side-eyed him a little, as though not understanding why the younger figure wasn't following. Realizing Viktor seemed entirely oblivious, Mikhail sighed, switching hands on the steering wheel before explaining, "Maybe you were too young to notice the changes as they were happening. Or maybe, being out here, you were so far removed from it all that you were sheltered from it. The rest of Russia wasn't so lucky though."
Viktor listened quietly.
"There used to be six small towns around here, all built up around the steel mill. I poked around, back before the funeral...only one of them is still standing, and it seems like most of the people who stayed to man the mill congregated together there. Everything else was-..."
"...Abandoned?" Viktor finished, curious as to his uncle's sudden short stop.
"I think we just crept up on your father."
"Eh?" Blue eyes looked forward, seeing the shadow of a huge figure farther down the road, barely singled out of the woods by the headlights, "...How can you tell it's him?" His heart was in his throat either way.
"He's the only one with a horse around here."
The annoyingly-modern hybrid car slowly rolled in closer, coming up on the heels of the massive, shaggy creature. It seemed to be getting irritated with the car though and whinnied a little before kicking its back legs a little and trotting further ahead. Mikhail stopped the car after that, and watched as the horse, which to Viktor looked more like a wooly mammoth without tusks, turned around side-face towards them.
Not one word need be spoken by the man-bear sitting in the old saddle, frost on his whiskered face, slate-blue eyes glaring down at the car, only for him to roll those eyes and turn the horse back around, [Why are you back so soon?] Konstantin veered the animal to the left, letting the vehicle pass, though it seemed to just coast next to him instead.
Mikhail lowered the window, his cheeks and nose getting red from the cold wind almost immediately, [I thought you'd be happy to know that I'm okay! You know, cuz I fell off the roof.]
[I remember.]
[You don't sound relieved at all!] The silver man pouted, keeping half an eye on the road.
Viktor, in the meanwhile, was having a coronary event where he sat, and tried to stay quiet and unnoticed.
[I knew you'd be fine.] Konstantin went on dimly, the horse's hooves clopping along in the packed snow and rock, [I'd be worried if you'd called to say you didn't recover...though I think I'd be more surprised that you'd call to tell me in the first place.]
[After all the calls you've been getting recently because of me and Viktor, I'd have thought you'd thrown the phone into the pond.] Mikhail said flatly, [I guess this means you haven't?]
[I think I've thrown enough things into the pond.] The bear answered, his tone still largely indifferent, though getting impatient, [Why are you back, Mikhail? Come to make me watch more skating videos or something?]
Viktor blinked as he heard it, but he held his tongue, thinking his reaction instead, ...Make him watch...skating videos? What's he talking about?
[No, not this time. I don't have anything new since last time I was here. Viktor isn't skating until the weekend.] The older silver Russian explained, [I'm actually here on other business.]
Konstantin side-eyed him a little, looking down from his high vantage, but then shrugged and looked forward again, [I don't play guessing games. Say what you mean or don't.]
Mikhail just huffed a laugh and reached out of the car window, patting the side of the shaggy horse's chest before pulling back into the vehicle properly again, [We'll meet you at the house. Don't take all night to get there, okay?] The window was already scrolling up before Konstantin had a chance to react.
Viktor was paralyzed in his seat though, turning his head with a slight tremble, "How is it that you can talk to him like that...? Are you a wizard?"
Slate eyes spied him through the rear windshield, and then narrowed slightly. The car was already getting ahead, but through the snow, it was still slow-going. With a light kick, the horse swung its head up and started to canter, then fully started running, kicking up snow in its wake as it carried on past the hybrid.
The silver Russians watched it go, looking like a creature of legend as it barreled by the car, pulling out ahead and gaining a bit of distance before finally coming to a stop and turning again, right in the middle of the road. The car was forced to stop, coming to rest some 20ft away. Konstantin looked straight in through the front wind-shield, eyeballing the skinny figure in the passenger seat as the horse trotted around anxiously under him.
"OhgodheknowsI'mhere." Viktor whined anxiously, gripping the handle on the door like it was his last night on earth, knuckles practically white from how hard he clenched down.
The gruff old man didn't say a word though, simply keeping those unblinking slate eyes on his son for a moment longer. They turned back to Mikhail for just a moment before finally turning away again, and the horse kicked off at full gallop down the road.
The car stayed still for a minute or so, before the older figure finally started moving forward again, "Did you think you'd escape notice or something?"
"It crossed my mind." Viktor answered nervously, gradually unclenching his fingers from where they'd locked down, "...I didn't expect that we'd run into him before we got there. Why's he on a horse?"
"Him and Tat only had one car between them. She crashed it, remember?"
"Well, yeah, but that was almost a year ago already." The younger man retorted, "And it's winter. Shouldn't he have replaced it at this point?"
"Tat was the only one between them who ever went far enough away from home to need it." Mikhail explained, passing through the middle of the dilapidated town, seeing the tell-tale hill not too much farther ahead, "Konstantin's an old school country bumpkin. He'd take the horse even if he had a car."
"...This place is so weird..."
The car eventually pulled into the same little hutch on the side of the road that Mikhail always seemed to park in when he came through, and both men stepped out soon after. Viktor's eyes moved from the empty peak of the hill, to the left where the path cut to the cemetery, then back to the right where the old wooden house still stood, and then further to the right, where he supposed he'd never noticed the mini-barn that was there until that very moment, barely visible through the trees.
...Was that always there? I can't remember...
He quietly watched as Konstantin closed the large door on the front of it, lowering the bar to prevent it getting open again in the middle of the night, and walked slowly towards the front of the house. Everyone was eerily quiet. He turned to look at his uncle over the front of the car, and watched the man nudge his head towards the house.
"Let's go. It'll be dark in an hour."
"...I'll...meet you after, then." Viktor said instead, moving off to find the path before he'd even heard the confirmation.
Mikhail just watched him go, stepping through the snow to carve his own path to the cemetery rather than taking the one that had already been made by previous footsteps. But, Viktor stopped almost as quickly as he'd arrived, standing still as a statue just in front of the 'entrance' area, staring into the morbid wonderland like he wasn't sure what to do after that. Not wanting to interrupt the man while he considered his next move, Mikhail stepped up the path and took the right-side of the fork, heading to where the Nikiforov patriarch was still standing outside.
The haggard older man just watched him come, [Guess this explains a lot, and yet doesn't.]
"Huh?" Mikhail answered in confusion, looking up at the massive figure before turning back to see Viktor still standing where he had been a moment before, [Oh, him? Yeah, he's the 'other business' I came for. We came all the way up here from Moscow.]
[Why?]
[Unresolved issues.] The skinny figure answered with a shrug, [When Viktor heard I'd fallen off the roof, he left a skating event early to come help me out. We ended up coming here, too.]
Konstantin just narrowed his eyes a little, giving a look of suspicion, [I thought you said he hadn't skated since you were here.]
[Viktor didn't skate. It wasn't his event. It was Yuri's.]
[...Yuri?]
Mikhail quirked a brow, though it was barely visible under his hat, [Your son-in-law. Yuri Nikiforov.]
The big man's eyes twitched to hear it.
.
[...Yuri...is a better man than you ever were... You're just...an animal...!]
.
[His name is Yuri Katsuki...and soon, it's going to be Yuri Nikiforov! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, HUH? He's going to be my husband and we're going to do all kinds of unspeakable things to each other!]
.
Konstantin drew in a long breath, grit his teeth, and exhaled without saying a word. He just turned back towards the front of the barn and unlatched it again.
Mikhail watched, and then followed after, looking in through the part in the big door. He spotted the man-bear easily enough, and then the horse he'd parked within a few minutes prior. The entire barn was built just for that one horse, like a shed that happened to have a stable inside. Konstantin grabbed a bristle-brush from a peg on the wall and stepped in next to the shaggy beast, setting the brush down on the half-wall of the stable before turning his attention to the straps of the saddle.
[Kon?]
The gruff man twitched a little, but turned his eyes, looking past his shoulder to see Mikhail there looking at him from just inside the barn door, [Pull it closed. Don't let all the warm air out.]
[Oh. Sorry.]
The big wooden panel slid shut, and Mikhail reached for a rope that was hanging on the wall, looping it around to keep the thing from swinging back open again as soon as he let it go. It was awkwardly quiet again after that; the sound of the leather straps being unbuckled, then the saddle being pulled off and set on the half-wall next to the brush. The blanket came after, then the halter and bit around the animal's head. The soft scratch of the bristles rose up after that as Konstantin worked from the head down, brushing at the horse's neck methodically.
[Were you coming back from the mill just now?] Mikhail asked, trying to break the silence.
[Yeah.]
[How many people still man that place now anyway? It can't be many.]
[It won't be any, soon.] The older man said darkly, still brushing away, [It's closing down.]
Grey-green eyes widened a little, then looked down at the straw along the floor, [Oh. ...What are you going to do?]
[Start digging my own hole, I guess.] He answered, not missing a beat, [It was inevitable. We all knew it was coming...it was just a matter of when we'd see the papers.]
.
Viktor listened quietly to the sound of the winter wind through the trees. It wasn't much of a gust...more like a breeze. The sky was starting to turn grey-golden at the horizon, the sun sinking into the uppermost branches to the west.
Helsinki isn't too far from here. He thought to himself, looking towards the sun, then turning directly around, seeing the sky where it was turning to night already far to the east, ...And Yuri's a thousand miles that way... What was I thinking...? His eyes went down after that, looking at where his thin dress-shoes were starting to get cold around his feet, ...Apparently not a lot. Uncle Mimi's right, I'm too impulsive. ...I thought it would be fun to come back and fly with him to NHK, but now it's turned into this. A quick look at his phone, and the little NO SIGNAL message at the top, and he sighed heavily. Reluctantly, he finally stepped into the grave yard, snow crunching under every hesitant step.
There was only one angel statue in the entire area, and it was just a short few steps away from the middle of the plot. Viktor found it easily enough, standing behind the small stone bench that had been set at the foot of the grave, practically at Tatiyana's feet, deep within the ground. The wind blew through again, a bit harder than before, and Viktor pulled up his scarf a little bit to shield his ears and nose.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now. He thought grimly, brows wrinkled a little where he looked at the statue nervously, I had all this time to think about what I'd say or do once I got here...and now that I've arrived, my mind's completely blank.
[...I remember.] He blurted out suddenly.
Blue eyes went wide as he realized he'd said something at all, he the hand that held the scarf suddenly moved to cover his mouth, as though he hadn't intended to speak in the first place. He nervously glanced around the grave yard, worried someone or something might've heard him, feeling his heart pounding in his chest all over again. He glanced back towards the house, just in case someone was going to come out at any moment...but then calmed again when he realized no one had.
One big inhale, and Viktor lifted his eyes to the sky, then looked back at the statue straight ahead again, [...I... I remember. I remember all of it. I hadn't wanted to, and I'd gone out of my way to make sure I didn't...but it's...all coming back to me now.] He admitted openly, hoping some fragment of his mother could hear him, [I don't know what to do now.] His gloved hand went down to the bench in front of his knees, brushing the snow and frost away before stepping around it to take a seat, [...I feel like this would be such a long conversation if you were here. I have so many things to apologize for...I don't even know where to start...]
Even in spite of the cold, Viktor felt a shiver go down his spine, and it forced him to sit up straighter than before. The stone was frozen where he's set himself down on the marble bench, but even that wasn't as cold as the shudder he'd just experienced.
This must be what it's like...to face your fears head on...
Slate eyes rose to the bottom of the statue, reading the Cyrillic where it displayed Tatiyana's name, and barely visible under the frost and ice, the year of her birth...and her death.
I thought I knew what that was like before. I've known how it felt to fear for my life. To fear the unknown. But this is so different... After I left this place, and started that new life, it's like I reset my existence to Year Zero. I forced everything that happened before to the back of my mind. I pushed it so far down that I couldn't even be reminded of it. Every time I'd be forced to remember, I felt like I was being dragged right back into the thick of it again, and I'd have to start all over...resetting myself...back to Year Zero.
[If I approached every season like a new beginning...things would always be fresh... I'd never find myself walking a path I'd already gone down before, revisiting things I'd already done, seeing things again that I'd already known. In a way...I treated my skating like I treated my past... But in a way, maybe that's part of why I stopped being able to surprise people. I'd start doing the same thing I'd done before and not even realize it. I know why I'm here now.] Viktor said quietly, lifting his eyes to meet those of the statue's angelic face, [I haven't wanted to talk to Yuri about where I came from because it hurt too much to think about how I'd pushed you out of my life. All you ever wanted was for me to be happy. I didn't realize...or maybe I didn't want to think about...how much you'd risked to help me follow my dreams, and how hard it must've been for you to put me into Yakov's care and push me away. And what do I do...? You sacrificed everything for me...and I had the gall to resent you for wanting to stay in my life. I don't know if I'll ever be able to atone for that...but...maybe if I at least admit to myself all the things I did wrong...I can start to do things right instead.]