CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY FIVE
Mercilessly, the trip to the mill wasn't over yet. Just as Viktor was about to retreat to the car again, he heard it squeak twice and saw the lights blink, indicating the fob had been triggered and the doors were all locked. He just turned back at his uncle and glared desperately, only getting a laugh in response before the older man turned away and started walking into the building. The young Russian just stood defiantly by the car, opting to wait for the pair to come back rather than follow, but he wasn't even allowed to do that much, feeling his hand get yanked right out of his pocket by the wrist as Mikhail dragged him along.
Grudgingly, he started moving his feet on his own, and reluctantly tagged behind the duo. The bright light of the day soon faded to the darkness of the forge, and the peace of the outdoors was overtaken by the noise of factory machinery. It made his heart pound to see this entirely foreign place, especially when he nearly tripped over one of the railway lines.
"Mimi, I gotta get out of here." The young Russian pleaded, "I could get hurt."
"Just watch your step then. It's a factory floor, not an ice skating rink...you have to be careful." Mikhail answered back, walking around the rough and ragged terrain as though he were floating over it.
"Yuri's going to murder you on my behalf if I twist an ankle before we go." Viktor pointed out, "And then Yakov will find a way to bring you back, just so he can murder you, too."
The older Russian just laughed, "Probably! Don't worry so much, the stairs to the upper level are right over there. If you can make it that far, the rest is easy."
"What are we even doing right now? I came, I saw...I want to leave!"
Mikhail set one foot on the old iron grate step; Konstantin was already up the flight to the next platform. The thin figure turned on his heel and stared straight at the skater, "You know this place is shutting down, but it doesn't make you wonder at all what your father's going to do after?"
Viktor didn't like the question, so he refused to answer.
"Look," The elder said, reaching out to pat his nephew's shoulder, "You might not care what happens to your papa, but I do. If we're not done in 20 minutes, I'll give you the key fob and you can sit in the car."
"Can't you just give it to me now? What good am I here?"
Grey-green eyes examined the younger man, and he shook his head before turning to go up the other 3 steps to get onto the next platform, "It's good for you to be exposed to things you've turned a blind eye to all your life. Maybe being here will give you some perspective."
Viktor just gaped at him, but then reluctantly followed, feeling at least a little better once his feet were on level ground. He turned quietly as he got up the last step, looking around the small mill. His mind's eye couldn't help but spot the ghosts of what he would've been if he had never left...seeing himself in old skating outfits, at various ages, toiling away doing the same work that the others were. He looked particularly horrified when he spotted the specter of himself in his 'Evoke' outfit, only for the costume to vanish, to be replaced by the dirty coveralls and yellow hard-hat that the other workers were wearing. The specter lifted his head and seemed to stare straight at him with empty, dead eyes, and Viktor stumbled, turning away quickly to try and catch up with his uncle before the ghost could do anything else.
He was right on Mikhail's tail in a hurry, and grabbed his arm with both hands, "Mimi, I want to go. I want to go now."
"Calm down."
"No. Where are the keys?" Viktor asked, more panicked than before, reaching into the man's coat pockets one after another, pawing for the fob, "Give me the keys! Please!"
Mikhail tried his best to get out of his nephew's grasp, twisting away and keeping the fob firmly in the palm of his hand, "Why are you freaking out suddenly? Nothing happened."
"Just give me the keys!"
Neither had a chance to say much more, when one big arm grabbed the both of them and shoved them through a door, closing it behind them with a soft click. The dank heat of the mill was suddenly replaced by the sterile white halogen lights and pale walls of an air-conditioned office. Not that it was much of one, but it had a desk, an old computer, two office chairs, one of which looked like it no longer worked that well, and a trash bin. There were binders and clip boards, lining the shelves of two book-cases on the left side of the desk, and a big window with a foggy pane of glass in front of it, giving whoever sat at the desk a good view of the factory floor.
The quiet was enough to help break up some of the anxiety, but Viktor could still hear the faint sounds beyond the room, and his heart wouldn't slow down. He could see the massive, dark outline of his father past Mikhail's shoulder, but because they were both standing between him and the door, he just felt trapped.
"I want to go home..." The young Russian finally managed to say, his vision starting to blur a little as tears started to form.
Mikhail saw it, and quickly stepped closer to put his arms around his nephew's frame, patting his back, "We'll be going soon, don't worry."
"I want Yuri..." Viktor's voice cracked a little as the tears fell down his face, and he buried his eyes against his uncle's shoulder, fingers clenching the back of his coat.
Konstantin watched quietly as his son tried to hold back, but failed miserably, crying openly as Mikhail tried to calm him down. All he could think of was the myriad times where Viktor had gone running to his uncle for comfort even as a young child.
"It's okay, Vivi, we'll be going soon."
The gruff old Russian just turned away, reaching for a handful of personal effects on the desk, and then reaching for the door again, [We're done here. We can go.]
Mikhail looked back, and nodded, pulling away a bit from his nephew before using his scarf to try and dry the man's face. New tears just formed as soon as the old ones were gone. The older silver man thought to wrap Viktor's head in his own scarf, but that just made him look like an old woman, so he pulled it back down again. Konstantin half-rolled his eyes and reached for the brimmed Fedora on his head, and squished it down onto Viktor's before turning to pull the door open again and stepped through.
Both younger figures stared in confusion and surprise, but dared not question it, simply following after him quickly and clicking off the lights as they went. Viktor pulled the brim down to shield his eyes, keeping his sights on a single rail line to follow it outside, lifting his head only as he started to notice snow falling around him. A brief look back at the mill, and Viktor pulled the car door open, hearing it beep and the locks clicking to release a moment before. He quickly climbed in from the passenger side, scrambling over the narrow space until he could turn around again behind the driver's seat, and only then pulled the Fedora off again. He held it quietly in his lap as the car started moving down the snowy road, reaching up with his free hand to rub his eyes again.
[Did you get what you needed?] He heard Mikhail asking, looking up a little to watch him.
[It wasn't much, but yeah.]
[What all did you have?]
[Nothing really important except this.] Konstantin explained.
Viktor could feel the car slowing down as Mikhail stopped it, taking the small rectangular object in hand. Everything seemed to get quiet after that, at least until Mikhail huffed a nervous laugh, [Yeah.] He rubbed his nose a little, but kept looking, [How long have you had this at work?]
[Almost since it was taken. I just never took it down.]
The skater in the back seat moved his eyes between the men as each one spoke, and soon, he couldn't help his curiosity. He skooched forward on his seat until he was creeping up on the back of Mikhail's and he could look over the shoulder. He was surprised to see that the object was a small picture frame, with a nearly-40-year-old photo nestled under a thin pane of glass. It was hard to see what the photo was because of glare from outside, but Mikhail soon turned around and handed it off to him. Viktor nervously took it in his hand and sat back again, seeing finally what had caused even his stoic uncle to take a moment.
[This is...]
[Their wedding photo.] Mikhail finished, making the car move forward again, heading back down the road they'd originally come down.
Viktor stared down on the picture a little while longer, recognizing his mother, but hardly recognizing his father. The man in the picture wasn't exactly smiling, but was as close to it as Viktor had ever seen...and Tatiyana herself looked excited. As near as Viktor could tell, the pair cared for each other.
[Take the whole thing out, Viktor.] Konstantin said, [It's folded. There's more.]
The skater was a bit surprised to be spoken to so directly...even so calmly...but he nodded and turned the frame around. The back-panel was held in place by four swiveling brackets, and then popped out easily enough, letting the photo come free. True to what the big Russian had said, the image had been folded...several times. By the time Viktor had unraveled the whole thing, the image had grown several times its original size. The newlyweds were in the center, the background a wall of flowers, but on either side of them, standing in the wings, were a number of other people. He looked at the faces of each one...it was strange to see them all so well-dressed, compared to how the townsfolk looked in the modern era...but eventually he had to stop, blinking and shaking his head as he spotted what he could've sworn was himself in the photo. Realizing quickly though, he held the photo up a bit to get better light, and realized that his doppelganger from 40 years ago looked pretty angry, and wasn't hiding it well.
[You look like you're about to stroke out in this photo, Mimi.]
[I do?] Mikhail wondered, [Oh...yeah, I guess I would've. I'm surprised I was even allowed to be at the wedding, actually.]
[Tatiyana insisted.] Konstantin explained, [She wouldn't go through with it unless you were there.]
[Sounds like her.]
[Why? What happened?] Viktor asked, wondering if it had anything to do with all the other vague mentions of his uncle's storied history.
[A lot...it wouldn't make sense just to say why I had a grumpy face in that photo without knowing what lead up to it, too.] Mikhail said simply, [You sure you want to hear?]
[...I think so?] The skater said hesitantly, wondering what it meant.
[Alright...just promise me one thing.]
[What's that?]
A single grey-green iris looked back at the young Russian in the rearview mirror, [Whatever you learn when I tell this story, just remember...I'm not that same person. Everything that happened is ancient history and forgiven, if not forgotten, okay?]
[...Okay?]
Mikhail nodded, then glanced over at Konstantin briefly, [I guess I should ask you too if it's okay that I tell this tale.]
[It's fine.]
The driver nodded, and then drew in a breath, [Welp... I guess you could say it all started when Tat and I came into the world. I was called the 'older brother' only because I came out first. Growing up though, Tat and I were like one person. We did everything together. Heck, most of the time, we dressed up the same way, too, just to mess with people.]
Viktor listened closely, still holding the photo in his hands, and the hat on his lap. He quietly folded the photo and placed it gently back into the frame, packing it away so it would look just like it had before he'd touched it.
[Back in those days, these abandoned towns were full of people. The steel mill was the epicenter of everything. Most families here had one or two members working in it, and it was an even bigger project than it was when you were growing up.] Mikhail went on, [So there were schools here, and even a small medical clinic. Everything was as modern as it could be for the time, and life seemed pretty good. But Tat and I were hellbent on being crazy, even at other peoples' expense sometimes...folks said I was a bad influence on her, and I was...I truly was. If the world was ever really divided into yin and yang, good and evil...she was the light...and I was the dark. But despite the wide differences in our personality, no one could really tell us apart that easily. Short of stripping us naked to see which parts we had, you'd have to sit us in a room for an hour and wait until one of us started getting into mischief...and they'd know instantly it was me. Unfortunately for everyone who had anything to do with us, or who had plans for us, we were both rather late bloomers.]
[What do you mean?] Viktor wondered skeptically.
[It took till we were about 15 or 16 before either of us really started to look like a man or woman. Back then...families who got it into their head to arrange marriages usually didn't wait until either of the people involved were ready before they started making plans. My parents, and Kon's family, decided to merge the clans the old fashioned way. They originally meant for me to marry one of their clan's ladies, but it didn't work out, so everyone put their hopes on Kon and Tat.]
[Why didn't it work out?]
[I made sure it didn't. Even back then, I wasn't going to let anyone tell me what to do or how to live my life, so...I did everything short of actually hurting that poor girl, just to get the Nikiforovs to call it off with me. It eventually worked, but I wasn't satisfied. Tat was my twin, and my better half...I wasn't going to sit idly by and let our parents sell her off like a goat.]
[They never treated it like that.] Konstantin interjected, [The arrangement was only inspired because Tat and I were already close growing up.]
[Sure, but not as close as she and I were. To me, anything less than her getting on one knee with a ring was tantamount to selling her into slavery in my eyes.] Mikhail retorted, [The whole thing was unthinkable. But anyway...this story is for Viktor...you already know the details.]
[Yeah yeah.]
Slate eyes blinked at them, but the skater stayed quiet.
[Anyway.] Mikhail got back on his prior train of thought, [Arrangements were made from the time Tat and I were 13 or so...Kon was 17 I think at the time. But because of me, the whole shindig was postponed until Tat was 19. I couldn't convince her to try and break things off...she was too nice for that...so I made it my mission to do to them what I'd done to my own 'betrothed.' I made it a nightmare.]
Viktor could see where his father was starting to fidget a little, looking more and more uncomfortable as the story progressed.
[Since I couldn't convince Tat to contest the betrothal, I took matters into my own hands. Up to that point, she and I had our hair long, and we still looked almost exactly alike. I used that to my advantage, and...well...sometimes I'd take her place in things, whether she agreed to it or not.]
The young Russian suddenly felt like he knew where this was going, [I have a bad feeling about this...]
[I was desperate.] Mikhail said, [I didn't want to lose my sister. If souls are a thing and twins shared one between them, it really felt like I was being torn in half. Whatever it was, I was willing to do absolutely anything to, as I considered it, save her.] He turned his head slightly to the man-bear next to him, [You generally hate this part of the story. You want me to tell it in English so you can't understand?]
[No, tell it in Russian. I want to make sure you don't leave anything out.] Konstantin grumbled, [I want Viktor to know exactly what kind of a little shit you were back then.]
[Fair enough...just as long as you don't get mad at me all over again for it.]
[I won't. Just get on with it.]
[Alright...]
Like before, Viktor turned his eyes back and forth as each man spoke, but then settled on his uncle as the story continued.
Mikhail drew in a breath, [Thinking back on it all now, I'm really embarrassed by how far I went in my efforts. If I could go back, knowing what I know now, I'd probably have kicked my younger self's ass for the Hell I put Kon and the others through. I had no real business doing the things I did. Tat was getting married, not beheaded, you know?]
[...Sure.] Viktor answered uncomfortably.
[I had no scruples or shame back then. When the three of us were together, I'd pick on Kon relentlessly. When I saw an opportunity for them to be alone, I'd try to switch places with her. Usually she'd get me to go away, but once in a while, I'd catch her unawares, and she wouldn't have the heart to stop me. On no less than six occasions, I had Kon convinced I was my sister right up until the moment he saw for sure that I wasn't.] The man let go of the steering wheel for a moment and held up three fingers on each, waggling them in the air for a moment before retaking the wheel again.
Viktor blinked at him, then scanned his eyes over at his father, who in turn just looked out the window and grumbled quietly like an massive angry crocodile. The skater looked back at his uncle again, as though in disbelief, [...You're not saying you practically had sex with my father.]
Mikhail burst out laughing at that, and had to fan himself to cool down again, [Oh no, we never got that far, but I had him going almost right to that point. Remember...I was willing to do anything back then, and part of my grand scheme was to make it so Kon could never be sure who he was trying to court. I wanted him to doubt. My sister and I were identical twins...until the bigger changes started, neither of us really looked that different, so I could get away with pretending to be her right up until Kon got me naked. I made him really paranoid. Usually, after he realized he'd been tricked, I'd torment him with taunts and gestures about how he must like men, because he'd get so far with me without realizing.]
Viktor just put his hand over his face and leaned back, not sure how to feel. It was a mixture of disbelief, horror, embarrassment, and disgust...but then he looked at his father and felt pity, too.
[He got his revenge at the end though. The last time it had gotten that far...he was so mad that he dragged me, all but naked, back into town by my hair.] The elder explained, his tone changing as the memory of it flashed in his mind. He paused a moment before shaking his head and going on, [Practically everyone in the area turned up and watched. Tat found out about it and tried to stop it, but she backed down when Kon got his knife out. I was a bit surprised...she thought Konstantin was going to slit my throat with it, but she said nothing. I'm still not sure why.]
[It was too serious for her.] Konstantin explained, [She never had a particularly strong constitution...and she always had a gentle soul. She shut down when she thought it was the end.]
[I guess.] Mikhail said with a subtle sigh, [Anyway... The town leader-guy even showed up, seeing all the commotion, and when Kon said what I'd done...saying I'd violated the laws of nature, that I was nothing but a trickster, was untrustworthy and all that... he agreed that my reign of terror had to end, and gave permission for Kon to punish me however he wanted. No one had ever really done anything about me to that point because they thought I was 'just being a kid.' The one time Kon tried to explain what I'd done to him, he was dismissed as a liar. So this time...he'd had enough. My sins had gone unpunished and disbelieved for too long, and he wanted me to know for sure that I had to stop. He threw me face-first into the mud; the whole town saw it, and the next thing I knew, Kon had a knee in my back and was hacking all my hair off with that knife.] One eye went back up to check on his nephew in the mirror, seeing that Viktor was stunned by the whole thing. He looked back down at the road ahead, [He apologized to Tat for being that way, but he warned her that she should never cut her hair to match mine, and that the time for stupidity was over. We were all on the cusp of adulthood and we should act like it. After my punishment was served, the group dispersed, and I was left there in the muck with all my hair scattered around me. It was really long at the time, too, so it was like a bunch of thin horse-tails had been thrown down on the ground.]
Viktor couldn't find words. The car drove on in silence for a minute before Mikhail said anything again.
[The two years that followed that day...I was a mixture of rage and depression. I felt like Tat betrayed me, so I avoided her. I started working at the steel mill just to get my anger out on something that wasn't going to cry about it later.] He said, [So when their wedding finally came up, and I was asked to go...I was fit to be tied. I went, but I stayed on the periphery of everything. Our parents made sure I didn't spoil anything, by keeping me apart from Tat and Kon. That photo in your hands...was the closest I got to either of them that whole day.]
Blue eyes went back down to the picture. The new context made it look like a very different image.
[Almost six years went by like that. Tat lost her first pregnancy, and then she and Kon moved to St. Petersburg for a while, so they could finish school. The whole time, they kept trying to start their family. It wasn't until they finally moved back to this town that they succeeded, because almost a year later, they had you.]
Viktor glanced up when he heard it, but still had no words to say.
[She doted on you like crazy. You were probably six months old before Kon gave permission for me to see you up close, but when I did, it was like the world was new. The hateful, angry person I'd become after the hair-cutting thing...the person I'd been that deserved it...all that was gone. Kon had forgiven me long ago for the things I'd done, but it wasn't until you that I forgave him. You were like the center of my little world. It killed me when things went south and I had to leave. I moved to the Ukraine...and almost as soon as I did, the USSR collapsed, and literally everything went to shit.] Mikhail said, as though the memory of it was fresher than the 25-some-odd years it had really been, [I transferred out of school from Kiev and went to Edmonton in Canada instead. I always made sure Tat knew how to get hold of me, but she rarely did so, especially after the time she begged me to come back and take you.]
The skater drew in a breath, and turned to look out the window, seeing the tree-line getting closer again as they neared the forest that hid the tiny hamlet. His eyes went down to the road, flying past as the car drove through, [So...between your relentless teasing after my father had that accident while skating...and then making him paranoid about whether he was actually courting my mother or not... It's no wonder things turned out the way they did for me.]
[That about sums it up, yeah.] Mikhail agreed reluctantly, [So now you know why I suggested that you learn and grow from your mistakes while you still can, so you don't get old and stupid.]
Viktor nodded, the whole thing weighing rather heavily on him.
The pieces all fit together...it's basically Uncle Mimi's fault that my father became the man he is.
He quietly drew in another breath, and looked down to place the picture frame inside the Fedora, and gently handed it back to the man they belonged to, [I'm sorry you went through all that.]
Konstantin blinked those slate-blue Nikiforov eyes at him, curling a few fingers around the brim of the hat as Viktor let it go and sat back again. He himself turned back in his seat again as well, looking at the hat quietly before shaking his head, [It's all ancient history.]
[I once thought that the past no longer touched me.] The skater explained, [And it took more than 20 years for me to realize that my history would be with me no matter how far or fast I ran from it. It took someone else pointing it out to me, too...that the person I am today was created way back then, even if I didn't want to see it, or admit it. Maybe it's the same for you.]
Mikhail caught a glimpse of his nephew, and noticed how his expression had changed. All the anger seemed to be gone. It was strange to see.
[So...I won't ask you to accept my relationship with Yuri,] Viktor suddenly continued, [But I can assure you that I'm not doing it because I want to punish you the way Uncle Mimi did. I didn't ask Yuri to marry me out of malice for you. I didn't become a skater out of some misguided desire to rebel against you, either. These things are part of who I am, because I want them to be.]
The bear wouldn't respond, simply sitting quietly.
[Maybe one day...you'll be able to see past all the traumas of your own past, and accept me just for who I am, as I am, and not just as some reminder of the worst things that ever happened to you.]