Too Close

Merlin's backup plan weighed heavily in his pocket. He'd had it for years, stashed away in his room with his book and the Sidhe staff. And when he'd heard that horrible, horrible name, he knew he finally had to take it out of its hiding place.

Gaius said that Arthur could only be saved at Avalon. That wasn't true. But Merlin refused to use his own method for saving Arthur because he knew what the consequence would be. Another would have to die. And if Merlin used it before even trying to get to Avalon and another died when they didn't need to, he'd never forgive himself.

Now, as he sat on the grass, Arthur dying in his arms with no horses to get where they needed to be, the little bottle felt like it held the weight of a castle.

"If I use this," he fished the bottle out and held it up to the dragon who had just landed before them, "Whose life will it take?"

"Merlin. I cannot-"

"Whose life?" Merlin yelled, "Tell me! I will not let him die."

"If there were any way for me to know, young warlock, I would tell you."

Merlin sighed and studied the water in his hand. Water taken from the Cup of Life all that time ago when Merlin had travelled there to save Gaius. The rain he'd produced had filled the cup to the rim. Merlin hadn't been able to resist. While Gaius was gathering some of his strength, Merlin had collected a sample, hidden it in his jacket and taken it home, hoping he'd never have to use it.

Then, he'd learned of the prophecy. Arthur was destined to die at Mordred's hand in a place called Camlann. Well, they were no longer in Camlann, and Merlin was not going to let Arthur die.

"Will it work?" Merlin looked back up to Kilgarrah, "If I give this to Arthur, will he live?"

"Water from the Cup of Life has the ability to heal any wound. No matter what the cause."

Merlin uncorked the bottle and touched it to Arthur's lips. His hand was shaking. Saving Arthur could condemn anyone. Gaius, Gwen, any of the knights, himself.

"Too many people have lost their lives already," Merlin muttered, "Can I really be responsible for another?"

"Arthur is your king, your leader and your saviour. The witch is dead, Merlin, the battle has been won. Now you have to decide whether you want Arthur to be the one to lead Camelot through the years ahead."

"I can't live without him," Merlin cried, running a hand down Arthur's cold, clammy cheek.

"Then save him."

Merlin bit his lip, sending out a silent apology to whoever was about to die because of his actions. Then, he tilted the bottle and allowed the water to dribble into Arthur's mouth. He watched closely for any sign of movement, so closely he didn't hear the words mumbled by the dragon behind him.

"Please, Arthur," Merlin's voice quivered, "Please. I need you. I love you. Arthur." He held onto Arthur's body tightly, rocking back and forward and sobbing. "Nothing's happening. Why is nothing happening?"

He could feel his heart breaking into thousands of little pieces slowly. His tears were mixing with the sweat which coated Arthur's forehead.

"Merlin," Arthur's weak voice croaked from beneath him, "Get off."

Merlin shot up and was delighted to find himself looking into Arthur's hazy but definitely open blue eyes. "Arthur!"

Arthur smiled weakly, "I'm alive."

Merlin nodded and wiped at the tears streaming down his face, "Yeah. You're going to be fine. You're alive. It worked! Kilgarrah, it- no!" He turned to look at the great dragon and found him lying down, eyelids closing over his bright orange eyes.

"Not you," Merlin carefully placed Arthur down and stepped numbly towards the dragon.

"My time was coming anyway, Merlin. To give my life for Arthur's is nothing but an honour, I assure you."

"You knew," Merlin said, "You knew this would happen."

"No. I chose for this to happen. If I hadn't the spell would have taken your life and that could never happen."

"I'm so sorry."

"It was my choice, Merlin. I will die with the knowledge that Albion is safe."

Merlin rested a hand on Kilgarrah's snout, just above his nose, "I'll never forget all you've done for me, my friend. I'll miss you."

"No, Merlin. You will remember me." Kilgarrah's eyes closed for the final time and his breath stopped.

Merlin felt his death deep inside him. It physically hurt his soul and his magic.

"Merlin," Arthur coughed.

Merlin took a few deep breaths and stumbled back to his king.

"He gave his life for mine," Arthur took Merlin's hands, "I'll forever be grateful."

Merlin only lowered his head and cried. Arthur struggled to sit up and he pressed his forehead to Merlin's, burying a hand in his hair.

"I nearly lost you."

"You'll never lose me," Arthur held Merlin tightly for a few seconds, kissing him gently once or twice. He'd never seen Merlin so upset. He was shaking and sobbing, completely overcome with emotion.

"I didn't want anyone else to die," Merlin said, "I didn't think you would want that either. You wouldn't want someone else to die for you. But- I- but-"

"It's alright," Arthur soothed, "Everything's alright now."

They stayed there in each other's arms for hours until the sound of shuffled footsteps approached them. They both looked a mess, holding onto each other desperately. Arthur was hurt and sick, his skin was pale and eyes sunken into his head and there was still blood oozing from his side. Merlin was overwhelmed with emotions. Guilt, relief, fear, joy.

It was Arthur who lifted his head up to see who had joined them. Sir Percival was leading two horses, one of which had Gwaine draped over it.

"Arthur," Percival breathed, taking in the sight before him. His king and the king's servant, huddled in each other's arms and crying beside a dead dragon. "What happened?"

"Not now," Arthur and Merlin got to their feet, supporting each other, and tumbled towards the knights.

"Gwaine," Merlin muttered, reaching an arm out for his friend.

"He's alive," Percival assured them, "Morgana tortured him for information on your whereabouts. I've been tracking her ever since."

"She's dead," Arthur said, "It's over."

Arthur and Merlin climbed onto the spare horse with some difficulty and they started making their way back to Camelot.

"I let Kilgarrah down," Merlin said quietly to Arthur, "He was my own kind and I let him die."

"He chose to die. For me."

"I should have protected him."

"He was dying anyway. It was either you lose him or both of us. Merlin, he died doing something he was proud of."

"I feel awful."

Arthur leaned forward and kissed Merlin on the cheek, "You saved me. I don't like that someone else had to die but his death meant something. Besides," he smiled, "I love you more than he did."

Merlin allowed himself the tiniest of chuckles.

"We're going to rule the greatest kingdom in the world, Merlin. You and I. You just watch. But do you know what's more important?"

"What?"

"When we get back to Camelot, Gaius will have your favourite meal ready for you."