"Ugh, remind me next time to kill Asterius first," Zagreus grumbled as he made his way up from the Pool of Styx, blood sloughing off as he walked. The last run had started out well enough, but he'd made the mistake of going for that loudmouth Theseus after one taunt too many, and an enraged Minotaur's axe had swiftly sent him back to the depths of the House of Hades. The loss, not to mention however many days or nights' exhaustion, made his steps weary.
"Kill Asterius," chirped an eager voice from the other side of the hallway. "Not before you get me his autograph first, which you promised ages ago and still haven't done," Hypnos wheedled. "Or did you manage to get it before they killed you yet again? Please say you did!"
"If I had it I'd give it to you," the prince groused. "Sadly, the bull is in the business of killing those that stand before him, so negotiating on that front has proven difficult."
"Aww, man," the God of Sleep whined. "Maybe next time you can give Hermes' keepsake a try. I hear it makes you fast as lightning!"
Zagreus smirked in spite of himself. "Sure, I'll just have him sign a piece of paper in the middle of our battle to the death. Maybe if I'm lucky he won't chop it in two. It's not like he's trying to kill me, or anything. Oh wait, he is."
"Exactly," Hypnos said with a cheery grin, but trailed off as he noticed the prince looking dour. "Hey, are you okay, Zagreus? You seem agitated."
Eyelids heavy and growing heavier by the second, the prince shrugged. "For once in a millennia I'm tired," Zagreus finally bit out. "Might go to sleep soon."
Hypnos perked up immediately. "Oh, I know all about that! You need a fluffy pillow to rest your head or something? If I had Hermes' staff you'd be out like a light, but I could totally work some magic for you! Or I could read you a nice book, if we had any down here. Or maybe—"
"I'd appreciate if you left me alone for some shut-eye," Zagreus snapped; the weariness behind his eyes did his temper no favors, and even his patience had its limits. Without a further word the Prince of Hades withdrew to his room, leaving Hypnos in a state of shock.
"Wow, Zagreus got angry," he mumbled. "That's rare, and pretty unlike him. I hope he has a nice rest. Wonder what he's dreaming about…"
As he pondered the questions, Hypnos' eyes fell on the feather quill in his hands meant to conduct new shades into the House and record their manner of death. A mischievous glint slowly formed in his eyes as he recalled a trick Zagreus and Dionysus had once played on Orpheus to make him think the two gods were one and the same, and how the hymn he'd composed in reverence was far too widespread to be stopped now. Hypnos was no god of trickery; that realm belonged to Hermes. But neither were they, and that prank had been a resounding success.
Clearly the only restitution for such disrespect was to follow in their footsteps.
"Wellll," he drawled, "Zag can be as angry as he wants. But maybe a little prank will jog his memory and make him finally remember that autograph."
Hypnos turned to the ever-increasing line of shades waiting for him. "Don't go anywhere," he instructed with as much authority as he could muster. "I'll be right back!"
Quick as a wink (or forty winks), Hypnos floated lazily over to Zagreus's room, which as per usual lacked a door. The underworld prince tossed and turned in bed, and Hypnos felt kind enough to give him a more restful sleep. When the prince's breathing deepened and calmed, the God of Sleep quietly approached the bed, quill in hand.
And then he doodled on his face.
Zagreus's sleep had been restless at first, but he soon found himself lulled into a peaceful oblivion. If he dreamed at all, he couldn't recall when he woke, and upon getting up felt much more rested and ready to fight once more. Last time had ended on a sour note, but he'd make up for it with this run.
Zagreus hoped Hypnos wasn't too cross with him after that little blow-up, but vowed to apologize and make it up to him when he got back—maybe if he was lucky he'd get that autograph the Sleep God wanted so badly.
After picking his keepsake (Cerberus's Spiked Collar) and weapon (Malphon's Fists), Zagreus felt energized and raring to go after a few practice sessions with Skelly, perfecting the timing and usage of the legendary gauntlets. He gave a wave goodbye and slipped out of the house into the depths of Tartarus.
Skelly waved back, stood in the empty room, and finally broke the silence with a hearty giggle.
"I coulda told him," the skeleton said, "but it's more fun this way."
The escape started as most others had; Zagreus found an Olympian Boon fairly quickly. This time it was Artemis, the goddess of the hunt, and he gratefully accepted her added strength, which powered up his fists and gave his uppercuts a chance to do critical damage to any unfortunate foes slow enough to take the punch.
He moved through Tartarus in an orderly fashion, by now having become familiar enough with the myriad of chambers to guess what would come next, barring the occasional surprise, of course. On one such occasion he was half-turned to go until Zagreus noticed a beckoning hole in the ground, from which tendrils of darkness poured.
"The Realm of Chaos," he noted, and thought about what to do next. Master Chaos was a fickle deity, he had learned, and the Boons they gave hindered as much as helped. Still, it was early enough in the escape that he felt confident he could weather what came, and if he was lucky, he could reap great rewards later on. Zagreus stepped into the portal, wincing as some life was drained from him, but was hopeful the price would be worth it.
Chaos regarded him, as they always did, with curious eyes. "Welcome, Son of Hades," they said, their voice seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere. "I have been awaiting your arrival since that incident with Hypnos, which I observed through the all-seeing artifact that bears my name. Respond."
"Oh, that," Zagreus said, putting a hand behind his head sheepishly. "Yeah, we got in a bit of a fight. Happens from time to time, family and all, but nothing a little apology can't repair."
"Indeed," the primordial being said, with something akin to amusement in their voice. "I wish you luck, then, Son of Hades. Now, gaze upon the Boons I have offered, and choose."
After some deliberation, Zagreus chose one that made him more vulnerable to tricks and traps in the labyrinthine passages, but once endured, made any collectibles he found worth more. Thus decided, the prince made his way back to the Underworld, and once he left Chaos gave a strange smile. "Perhaps," they mused, "the mortals' confusing me with Eris has some merit."
Zagreus made short work of the rest of Tartarus, though there had been a close call in one of his father's locked rooms when a Wretched Lout had gotten him cornered near a spike trap. It wasn't long before he came across a welcome sight—a centaur heart for added vitality out in the open, and beyond that an imposing door. The gates to Asphodel lay just beyond, and Zagreus steeled himself and stepped through.
He had thought it would be Meg, or maybe Alecto, but instead Tisiphone greeted him as he entered the large chamber. The Fury's sunken, hollowed eyes betrayed nothing.
"Murrrdererrr," she moaned, and Zagreus sighed.
"I told you I'm not a—" he began, but she cut him off, "Mrrrrr," she trilled, her pitch trailing off in what sounded like a question.
"Fine, you want me to prove it by killing you," Zagreus laughed and engaged her in a fighting stance. Tisiphone mirrored him, though even as they fought, Zagreus couldn't help but notice she seemed distracted by something. She seemed to be staring at him intently, her yellow pupils dilating, and Zagreus paid for his own lapse in concentration when her whip caught his side. "Agh!"
Zagreus renewed his focus on the fight, dodging and weaving in and out of her attacks before dashing close to get punches in. in due time Tisiphone was defeated, taken by the Pool of Styx herself, though not without a final "Murrrrderer," followed by what sounded like a hollow laugh.
Wiping off excess sweat and blood, Zagreus entered the remedial chamber between Underworld regions, healed up, and braced himself for the searing heat of Asphodel. His first time through had ended rather ignobly; unused to the magma beneath his feet and already gravely wounded, he had lingered on the searing pools too long, and had scarcely cried out in pain before finding himself back home, where Hypnos had seemed much amused at the manner of his demise.
Armed with the knowledge of being fire-resistant, not fireproof, Zagreus made his way through the volcanic realm, which had once been full of greenery before the River Phlegethon had overflowed. Skeleton warriors and gorgons hounded him at every turn, but the most troublesome by far were the witches, whose magic had been upgraded from a minor annoyance in Tartarus to potentially deadly levels, especially with the little solid ground offered him.
He ducked and waved and fought his way through, and at the end of one particular corridor, Zagreus was given a choice to make. One boat led him to Eurydice's abode, where she would fill him with food and the gift of song, while the other led to Charon's chambers, where the ferryman of the dead had wares for sale. It was a tough decision, but since he had an excess of gold and enough strong Boons at hand, Zagreus decided to visit the oak nymph another time.
Charon wasn't much for talking ordinarily, so it surprised Zagreus when the ancient boatman took one look at him and gave a guttural "Hnnnnnrgh?"
"Something about my fate? You're going to have to be more clear with that, mate," Zagreus said lightly, and Charon responded with a "Gguuuuuhhh" that made the river vibrate with its intensity.
"Hm. Maybe try some charades," Zagreus suggested, and Charon, not willing to let go of his oar for even a moment, seemed to let the matter drop with a disappointed-sounding "Hnnnrgh."
"Rats," Zagreus said with a grin. "You saw through my clever plan to ferry myself to the surface! Fear not, friend; if all goes well I'll make it up top today. Or tonight. Whatever."
After taking his pick of wares—another centaur heart, plus a boon from Aphrodite—Zagreus moved on, and soon encountered the fearsome Lernaean Bone Hydra, now shorn of its skin thanks to Heracles, but no less deadly. Its bite was ferocious, as were its multitude of heads, and every time they fought it tended to do something different, which always kept the prince on his toes.
Not so on his toes that he couldn't nickname it, of course.
"And how was your magma bath today, Lernie," Zagreus said with a dashing grin normally reserved for Megaera or Thanatos, and in response the Hydra snarled. It lunged closer as if to devour him, and Zagreus braced himself to move out of the way, but while its mouth opened it didn't bite at him, or open further to swallow him whole. Instead its noisy jaw clacked up and down in no particular rhythm, and Zagreus wondered what it meant—some new, strange form of attack he'd not yet glimpsed? He continued to watch, still bracing himself to move, but nothing happened.
"I say, Lernie, are you feeling alright," the prince asked, and in response the beast seemed to compose itself, lashing out and up to headbutt him into the ground. Zagreus groaned as the attack hit home and the resulting shockwave sent him flying back. "Alright, I deserved that one," he muttered, quickly dashing free of the encroaching magma. With a Boon from Ares enhancing his basic punches and another from Dionysus to enhance his cast, the Hydra soon drowned in a flurry of Festive Fog and Doom-infused blows.
Its other heads soon rose to join the fight, and they seemed to have the strange lapse in attacking the first head had. Zagreus took advantage of the rare opportunity to pummel them into dust, and when the cycle repeated itself for a second and final time, the Lernaean Bone Hydra was soon returned to the magma from whence it came.
"Maybe old Lernie's gone soft or something," Zagreus mused as he picked a gleaming diamond from the ashes. "Would save me some trouble reaching Asterius and that other guy up ahead."
He had rarely been able to venture beyond the warriors' paradise that was Elysium, despite his best efforts. If Asterius didn't find and slay him in a private battle early on, he and that blasted Theseus would in front of a roaring crowd. Zagreus had even lost a few times to those terrifying soul-sucking butterflies, not to mention the chariots, witches, and souls of the dead looking to skewer, slice, and impale unwary challengers.
In short, it was a tough region, leagues beyond the foes he'd faced so far. But with the Olympians on his side Zagreus was confident he could make it through, if not unscathed, and maybe this time he'd show the so-called Champions he had what it took to defeat them without losing a precious Death Defiance.
As it happened, he lost a Death Defiance to a runaway Flame Wheel that catapulted him straight into a trap arrow for massive damage.
"Blood and darkness," Zagreus swore, but he wasn't going down just yet. Aching from the effects of coming back to life, he pressed on. He hoped dearly to see Patroclus, who could replenish his lost chance, but to his consternation found the chambers depressingly bare of warriors that weren't out for his blood. Regardless, Zagreus pressed on, and with help from Charon found himself staring at the doors to the Elysium Colosseum.
After this, it would be a quick trip through the Temple of Styx, and then face-to-face with his father. He just had to get through those two first.
Zagreus strode into the Colosseum with confidence and was met by Theseus, former King of Athens, and Asterius the Minotaur. He had heard legends of their lofty exploits in life from Achilles, and while he was initially eager to battle them, Theseus' pompous attitude and stubborn refusal to see him as anything but a foul daemon grated on his nerves. At least Asterius was a pleasant sort when not trying to cleave him in two, and Theseus did treat him with the respect he refused Zagreus. Whatever their story was in death, he'd learn it another time; for now, it was time to fight and time to win.
Usually Theseus had the first say in their encounters, so Zagreus was surprised when Asterius spoke first, his deep voice a rumble throughout the arena.
"Short one," the bull-man began. "What is that strange marking upon your face?"
"Ha," Theseus crowed, posturing with his spear. "Clearly the fiend means to intimidate us with some ridiculous—"
"Wait, what are you two talking about," Zagreus interrupted, for once fully focused on what the arrogant king and his cohort had to say. "There's something on my face?"
Theseus' grin was irritatingly condescending, though there was a mild flicker of fear behind his eyes, as if he had, indeed, been briefly intimidated by whatever the prince had on him. "Isn't it obvious, foul daemon? You seek to scare friend Asterius and myself looking that way, not that it would work!"
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute," Zagreus said, suddenly feeling blood rush to his face to the point his pale skin almost looked human. "There's really something on my face? Do you have any reflective surfaces on you—your shield; that will do. Can I…"
He trailed off, and Theseus, sensing the sudden upper hand, relished the prince's newfound embarrassment before responding. "It seems you truly don't know. Fine. Asterius, hold him while he gazes upon his accursed reflection, not to mention the instrument of his imminent demise!"
The hulking Minotaur held Zagreus's arms to prevent him from attacking or running as Theseus approached, his shield polished finer than a mirror.
"Look you there, fiend!"
Zagreus looked.
It is said that the loudest sound in humanity's recorded experience was the eruption of a great volcano, said to be heard as far as 3000 miles away. However, such an account fails to take the afterlife into consideration, in which case the Prince of Hades' scream easily bested it, as it was heard all throughout the Underworld and even reached the Realm of Chaos.
And within the grim House of Hades, the God of Sleep smirked and stifled a yawn. "Guess he found out. Took long enough!"
Asterius had released the prince to cover his ears, while Theseus dropped his shield and spear to do the same, and when he came to himself Zagreus was surprisingly calm.
"Tell you what," he said, his voice low. "If I win this you two jump in the River Lethe and forget this happened. Agreed?"
"Agreed, monster," the king sneered. "But if Asterius and I win your humiliation shall be sung throughout all Elysium!"
Zagreus didn't have the heart or the will to tell him they'd be singing of it in Tartarus and Asphodel no matter who won, and with the challenge laid bare, he threw himself into the fight. Having learned from previous encounters with the two Champions, he knew that while Theseus was an irritant, Asterius was the main threat, and once the bull was defeated Theseus would go down much easier than he otherwise would.
Dodging a close swipe from the Minotaur's axe, Zagreus swept in close and used his fists and Boons to their fullest extent while Theseus took aim at him from afar with his spear.
"I can see the looks on their faces even now," the king taunted and loosed the spear, cutting into Zagreus's side once when he threw it and twice when he called it back. Zagreus gritted his teeth at the burst of pain and refocused his efforts on Theseus, and was swiftly met with the flat of Asterius's axe crashing into his skull and sending him reeling back.
"Not yet," the prince growled, loosing more Festive Fog to disorient the hulking beast-man before unleashing a flurry of blows. When Asterius recovered he darted away and repeated the process, and right before the axe would have struck again Asterius collapsed and dissolved into light, his spirit unable to retain its form until the next battle.
"Asterius, no," Theseus cried, and Zagreus grinned. "You're next, king." He charged forward and was met by another spear throw, this time managing to get out of the way. Theseus's shield, however, blocked most of his frontal punches and even a quick jab at the face. Confounded from one angle, Zagreus dashed behind the king before he could turn, and this time his attacks hit home. Struck with the full force of an Artemis-boosted uppercut, Theseus reeled back, clutching his chest, before raising an arm to the heavens.
"Lord Zeus! I call upon your might!"
Lightning crackled around them both as the power of the gods flowed into his weapon, and Zagreus glanced around the arena for cover. He had learned the hard way that once the light show was over, his priority was getting as far away from Theseus as possible before moving back in.
In response to the king's call for aid, lightning bolts showered down upon the arena; Zagreus swerved and dodged as best he could before making a mental note to ask Zeus why the gods so readily aided his foe. At least he hadn't invoked Aphrodite; that had been quite the awkward fight. Theseus's spear was now empowered with the same lightning that rained on him, but Zagreus drew close once more and dodging his circular swipe before coating the surrounding area in Dionysus's Fog. Theseus listened hard for his opponent and was met with a series of punches and one final uppercut, sending him crashing to the ground.
"N-nooo," the king cried out as his spirit dissolved into mist. The crowd roared Zagreus's name, and he was cheered at the sight of a familiar red shade with a banner hung in his honor. "You keep this between us, good shade," he promised, and the soul nodded as Zagreus took the prized bottle of ambrosia and headed further aboveground.
He hadn't visited the Temple of Styx much, but from what he remembered it wasn't a pleasant place—full of giant rats, beam-firing crystals, and poisonous satyrs that guarded their treasures jealously. The first time he'd been poisoned Zagreus had thought, rightly, that he was slowly dying, and even with cures strewn about the small rooms the experience wasn't one he wanted to repeat.
But with Cerberus blocking the passage out and only his favorite snacks as a deterrent, Zagreus had no choice but to venture into the compact, foul-smelling tunnels in search of the dog's favorite treats. (There wasn't much he wouldn't do for that dog.)
The first tunnel he chose was a dead end, containing only some coins guarded by a tiny, surprisingly vicious vermin that proved size didn't matter when it came to power. Zagreus counted himself lucky that the rats and satyrs didn't seem to care what he looked like so long as he was stopped, as after the little incident with Theseus he wasn't in the mood to be laughed at.
The second tunnel proved more fruitful, however, and at the end of the tiny corridors he found a fountain spewing rust-colored water, a Pom of Power, and most importantly a Satyr Sack—Cerberus's favorite. Zagreus made an immediate batline for the fountain and scrubbed at his face, but to his dismay, the marking stayed on like it was permanent. Sighing in deep resignation, he pocketed the sack and ate the Pom before heading back. At least the fruit's strength would help.
"Hey, boy," Zagreus greeted the hound with a weary smile. "Got you something—please don't stare, I'm already embarrassed enough. Blood and darkness, I can't believe how oblivious I was."
Sensing the prince's distress, Cerberus ignored the hulking sack and instead lay down next to him, letting Zagreus nuzzle into his fur for as long as he needed before giving a friendly lick from each of his three heads. Cerberus was unable to remove the face doodle, but his simple affection warmed Zagreus's heart and gave him the courage to press on. When he felt ready, Zagreus stood up and again offered the sack, and Cerberus gave a happy three-headed bark and left to devour it.
Zagreus took a deep breath and headed through the closed doors and into fields of snow, where Hades, God of the Dead, waited. His back was turned, and for a moment Zagreus thought he could salvage the conversation before his father spoke.
"Boy," Hades rumbled, his words cutting like fallen stalactites. "What is that mark upon your—"
"It's a long story," Zagreus sighed. "Can we get to the part where I kill you?"
"Hmph. I'd like to see you try," Hades sneered and turned to face him, before something of a smirk played behind his mustache. "I must admit I hadn't thought it would be quite that amusing. But seeing it here before me…"
"Oh, that is it," Zagreus snarled, and charged Hades just as the hulking god burned away his cape. In response Hades threw a skull-shaped projectile at him, which burrowed into his flesh and made his blood boil. Zagreus cursed as his veins erupted in heat, and further as his father charged and stabbed him with his spear, doing extra damage when paired with his internal injuries.
Zagreus dashed away and fired off Festive Fog, but Hades merely smirked. "Darkness," he called, activating his Helm of Invisibility and rendering the attack harmless. Zagreus watched the snow carefully for his father's footprints, and when they grew closer he charged behind and attacked with his fists. Hades flinched, but the battle was far from over. The combat continued, with Zagreus attacking when able and dodging, or attempting to, most of the time. Finally a blow seemed to draw blood, and Hades gathered himself before unleashing his power.
"Come now, wretches of the underworld," he called as empowered foes took to the field. "Destroy my kin, and not a word of this to anyone lest you face eternal torment!"
"You trying to be nice about my face, Father," Zagreus asked, and took a swiveling spear blow in response that ate up his last Death Defiance. "Okay, maybe you'd rather break my face. I can adapt."
Zagreus survived long enough to get past the second wave of enemies, and while he deftly avoided a Wringer's chains, managed to hit Hades with an Artemis-powered blow that shook the god's very being. Hades collapsed to his knees, his helmet gone and eyes wild.
"I…I did it," Zagreus panted.
"Not quite, boy."
And then Hades got up, his spear shining like a thousand suns, and before Zagreus could blink the air was on fire as three blasts of pure heat emanated from the spear, all aimed in his general direction. Zagreus was too slow to avoid being burnt completely, but barely managed to dash past his father and attack when he was vulnerable.
In response Hades called forth a myriad of green urns that lay strewn about the fallen snow. Their purpose was unknown, until Zagreus happened to break one and dozens of clawing hands erupted from the ground to hold him still.
Briefly helpless, he watched as Hades' spear glowed with heat.
"Let me go," the prince cried, but Hades was unmoved.
"See you back at the House, boy."
Maybe it's for the best, Zagreus thought as his vision was filled with light and searing heat. I don't know how I could have faced Mother like this anyway.
Then the Styx claimed him and he saw nothing but red.
By the time the prince returned, the God of Sleep's amusement had given way to fear of retribution. Hypnos was unusually silent as Zagreus picked himself up from the Pool of Styx, wiping at stray flecks of blood that clung to his skin, then raced to the mirror in the west hall. He peeked around the corner, watching the prince carefully and readying himself to flee if need be.
Zagreus caught his reflection and sighed in relief. The marking was gone with his death, and with it any source of further embarrassment—so he hoped, anyway. He turned to see Hypnos behind him, and at the God of Sleep's worried gaze the remaining pieces fell into place.
"So you were behind all that," Zagreus said, and Hypnos nodded nervously until the prince met him with a quiet grin.
"I'll tell you what, Hypnos—that was a pretty cruel prank. But I can't say I didn't deserve it for going off on you like that. And I think you provided much amusement to the underworld, even if it was at my expense."
"Does that mean you got the autograph," Hypnos asked, and Zagreus smacked his forehead.
"Honestly, with more, er, pressing matters at hand it slipped my mind. Don't worry, though—next time I get to Elysium I'll try to get Asterius alone, see if we can't arrange something. Won't make any promises for Theseus, though."
"Hooray," Hypnos said with a cheery smile. "All's forgiven! Just don't forget next time!"
"Sure thing," Zagreus said, making a note of it on his mental list. He had gotten far this run, and learned a lot. Maybe next time he'd get far enough to beat his father, and see Persephone, wherever in the aboveworld she might be.
But the most important thing he'd learned was that sometimes you just had to let sleeping gods lie.