[The name of my OC is Lydia Romanoff and is made up by me.]
I don't have much to say in my defense. You don't kiss people like that out of the blue, especially not someone who's remarkably younger than you. Especially not someone who's your personal guard. Especially not someone who's blessed or cursed with supernatural abilities. But for a moment I could feel no degree of separation or space between us. That is everything that I can say to those who's willing to listen.
Unlike me, Schrödinger was someone who kissed back instantly. His own action caught me off guard, which was rather ironic since my plan was to puzzle him. I suppose my plan simply backfired, but I couldn't care less.
As soon as we had pulled apart, I impatiently kissed him another time. Schrödinger stumbled back in order to maintain his posture. He might've been prepared earlier, but a second kiss did not exist on his own written horoscope. He must have been quite surprised by my sudden fondness of him, which explained his shrinking vigilance.
He didn't know that I would kiss him again.
And again.
My sane mind got dominated by desire for him in a heartbeat. Whether Schrödinger was the one backing towards the bed, or I was the one leading him on by guiding him further into the room, I'll never know. But when that happened and my blood started running, I had to question how far we would actually go. A part of me refused to do more, but I didn't want to stop either.
Schrödinger's calves bumped into the bedpost and our bodies collided. When I was ready to take the next step, he gently prevented my craving hands by grabbing my wrists, stopping me before anything more could happen.
His lips slowly left mine and I looked shyly at his face with a beating heart and burning blush.
He looked at me like he usually did, like this didn't have any effect on him whatsoever. He looked at me like this was completely normal, like this was nothing rare for us.
"You'll be deceived if you let your greed control you like this." he said with a chary voice, like he was afraid someone in the other room would hear him.
I opened my mouth to say something but it shut quickly. My words got pushed aside by his touch and stare. He was making me feel so many things.
Schrödinger's thumb hurried to my mouth, gently padding my bottom lip. The silk on his cream-colored glove felt as natural as human skin. With the same hand, he removed some hairs tangled in my eyelashes. His other hand still held onto one of my wrists, in case I would be a bolt from the blue again and surprise him with another kiss.
I don't think he likes the idea of being dominated by me since he prevented me from taking this further. Or perhaps, he just didn't want things to get out of hand. Who knew what he actually thought about these intimate moments. Maybe he just wanted to wait, or bury them down completely.
Is he even capable of handling physical love?
"What's going on in your mind?" he asked curiously. It was like he crept through my eyes and into my brain simply by removing the pity barrier of hair strands.
"You're making me feel things I shouldn't feel." I whispered to him when he held my wrists steady once again with both of his hands.
My eyes betrayed our eye-contact with that confession.
"Is that good or bad?" I asked quietly when he didn't say anything. I heard him chuckle.
"I don't know…" he answered, but I suppose he was thinking really hard on this, hearing the serious undertone in his voice.
He placed his forehead against mine and I had to look at him.
"It depends on what you feel. What do you feel?" he asked. His voice nearly vibrated around me and secreted heat underneath my nose.
Should I really tell him such a silly thing? No. That would be utterly weird. I can't tell him that, unless I want him to have a good laugh.
Schrödinger pulled away slightly to look at me more properly. He had gotten impatient.
He returned and pecked my lips, over and over again, until my attention was turned to him, and him only. I didn't return his kisses; it was like he was trying to suck out information from me with them. He closed his eyes the last time he kissed me and grasped both of my hands, toying with my fingers. When he pulled away, he was expecting an answer. He thought that his loving actions would make me open up to him, and he couldn't be more right.
"I might I love you."
The words rolled off my tongue without control. This time, I had rewritten my own horoscope, because I didn't even see this coming.
"I love you." I repeated, to assure him that he'd just heard right. The damage was already done, anyway.
Schrödinger didn't have many faces, but he always had his smirk with him, which always seemed to be there somehow. This time, his whole face made revolution and the only thing that remained was two round eyes.
"I love you." I said for the third time. It was strange seeing his mouth formed like a petite "o".
My hands squeezed his stiffened ones. I smiled in my own realization, even though a huge amount of uneasiness began forming within me.
Schrödinger blinked a few times before he started to build up his reply.
"Lydia, I…" he began.
After he'd melted what I had said, he shook his head and closed his eyes with a small grin in charming disbelief. It was hard to know what he would do next. He might say something similar to my confession, but he might also say something completely heart wrenching. That little smirk of his might as well be a mocking one, and who knows what his eyes will contain when he opens them.
But when he finally opened his eyes, he didn't look at me. He gazed at the floor. His pretty grin had turned into a lazy smile that looked melancholic. I wasn't too certain, but I think I could recognize that expression; a look of guilt, and it didn't appear like a good sign.
"I have something to tell you too." he said.
My heart started to pound in my chest again. It wasn't over yet, but the negative vibes had suddenly got replaced by positive and I was more than ready to hear what he had to say. But what happens next is so unpredictable that it's almost unreal.
It's actually so hard to believe that it's humorous.
"Lydia, I might-"
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THIS IS NOT FALSE ALARM. THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE. ALL MILLENIUM SOLDIERS; TRANSFER TO THE MAYOR IMMEDIENTLY. I REPEAT; THIS IS NOT FALSE ALARM. ALL MILLENIUM SOLDIERS; TRANSFER TO THE MAYOR AT ONCE."
"ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!..."
Before Schrödinger could finish, he got cut off by an ear-piercing ringing sound that appeared from an unknown source in my room that began blinking in different shades of red, as in showing how urgent the situation was.
After listening to the message in both English and German, I wasn't sure of what to do myself, since the message was mended to the soldiers. I guess I'll just stay here until the storm calms down, but what about Schrödinger?
It seemed like the sudden command had more effect on me than on him, who looked rather calm. But despite that; it would be such a silly priority to even think about what he wanted to tell me at this very moment.
The ringing noise was so loud I had to cover my ears.
Schrödinger looked more worried about me than the loud noises and the furious red blinking lamp that made my room look like an underground disco.
For a few seconds, he couldn't care less about the order from the Mayor. A normal person would rush out and obey, but Schrödinger isn't normal. He had his priorities set on nothing other than myself, but I couldn't help but wonder if my earlier words had made him more traumatized than the pounding alarm. I couldn't think properly and my mind was blank and my ears hurt so badly that I wouldn't even care if he stayed here or not. I just wanted it to be nice and calm again. All this could wait till later.
Schrödinger's eyes bounced between my face and the exit, it was like he didn't know what to do. He started to look a bit panicked, but more in a childish way of course. He grabbed my shoulders and stared at me comically seriously. He looked down and licked his lips.
"ATTENTION! THIS IS NOT FALSE ALARM. THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE…"
The long crazy message got voiced once again, like we weren't even allowed to speak to each other.
Schrödinger still looked at me. He still held onto my shoulders as he gently pushed me away from him slightly, but he didn't move from his spot, and his hands remained on me. It was like he wasn't sure of what to do with himself. The ringing scared me and Schrödinger's behavior didn't really help much in this situation.
Anyone could tell that something serious was going on, but even so, Schrödinger remained somewhat calm.
When the long, obvious message finally died, he spoke again.
"Just!… Stay here!" he said as loudly as he could, but I almost couldn't hear him properly over the alarm noises. My brain must've been bouncing enough within my skull by now. Still, I nodded seriously. He released my shoulders, but then he cupped my face with his both hands. The silk of his gloves soothed me strangely during this dramatic commotion. It felt like his touch had closed off all the sound.
"I'll be back as soon as possible!" he informed.
I didn't like the way he spoke. It was like he was overtaking the role of a guard again. There was no need for that. I nodded again and frowned when his hands left me and exposed me to the noises, and he gave me one last look over his shoulder before he tore the door open and disappeared into the earsplitting noise outside in the halls.
The beeping sound was way louder outside, but it ended in sync with the slam of the door. I numbly walked over to the bed and nestled down underneath the covers with my hands still attached to my ears. My only company was the beeping sound and intense shade of red that were visible even underneath my eyelids.
Everything seemed so absurd.
It was like the noises and the lights wanted to warn me about something.
The red light blinked and faded in a steady rate.
Being in my room was like being inside a beating heart.
The ringing was very strong.
It portended misfortune and asked for help.
"Inmate? Inmate! Can you hear me? It's lunchtime. You better wake up now or I'll let you be starving."
I didn't recognize the voice, and after I'd woken up and clumsily dressed myself and entered the halls and had a proper look on him, I didn't recognize the man either.
"Can I ask something?" I said carefully, glancing up at him shyly.
His face was stone and he did not say yes, but he didn't say no either.
"What was that trauma about earlier?" I asked, meaning the urgent message from last night. It took a while before he answered me.
"It was a temporary emergency, no more. That's everything you're allowed to know." he stated without looking at me.
I then asked him, "Where's Schrödinger?"
It felt weird asking about him. I just assumed that he knew who he was because they're both members of the Millennium, but this man might not even know about him, but it would make even more sense if he did for some reason. He looked at me strangely.
"He's mine... my escort." I informed nervously, not even sure if that fact was correct.
The man snorted.
"Escort? That boy is no escort..." he muttered and turned his head away.
"That boy is no escort." he repeated without another word on our way to the dining room.
When we arrived at there, I was happy leaving my stern temporary escort at the entrance and what made me even happier was the sight of Penelope and Ann sitting in the corner, the same corner I once sat in. Like a child, I hurried to get food on my plate and sneaked towards them, slaved and powered by peer pressure.
Even though we weren't allowed eating together, I was willing to take the risk this time. Millennium might have realized by now that the worst thing that could possibly happen when gathering us together is gossip. The girls reactions were different. Penelope looked surprised when she saw me.
"Oh good heavens!" she gasped with a grin on her face.
Ann was smirking calmly, like seeing me this morning was something she was confidently certain about.
"Where's your little catboytoy? We know all about that thing in the classroom. You have a lot to keep us up with, hun." she spoiled.
Catboytoy.
"Hush Ann! We have more important stuff to discuss. Did you hear the alarm? Evening class even got dismissed and we got sent back to our rooms. I thought we were going to crash or something." Penelope attacked me with words before I even had sat down.
I was thankful for her taking the spotlight off from Schrödinger.
"And the most important thing…" a smug look suddenly began taking form on Penelope's face and I saw that she was glancing at the entrance to the dining room.
I followed her gaze and a tall, familiar guard caught my eye almost instantly.
Jack.
When I saw him, my first instinct was to crawl underneath the table and hide, yet, I didn't find any meaning in it whatsoever. If he'd greeted me, I would greet him back, but that's it. I made a promise to Schrödinger and I will keep it.
After being traumatized by memories of blood and a knife and an awful artwork, I would do anything to not experience something like that again.
Jack was the reason for Schrödinger's grotesque actions, so I just had to make sure to keep my distance from him.
"Oh, sensing some triangle drama right here!"
I can' tell who said that. Ann, was it?
My mind was completely set on one person only, even though I definitely shouldn't pay him any attention. I just wanted to make sure that he was keeping away, that's why I was staring at Jack, but my heart looped in my chest when he spotted us and started to walk towards our table.
"He's coming this way!" Penelope whispered, like he was some kind of famous person.
"Is that Jack?" Ann asked with disbelief in her eyes.
I nodded, because I didn't want to be heard. I didn't want to exist with Jack as long as Schrödinger conquered the world.
"Inmates." he stated while standing over our table like a tree, staring at all of us.
At first, I just assumed that it was a silly role that he had to play, but his behavior was so out of character for Sir Daddy Moo so after second thoughts, I simply assumed that he was joking. I smiled lightly at him. That was my greeting to him, and now my conscience was clean. I didn't have to do more.
"Are you mocking me?" Jack asked and I was caught off guard when he suddenly grabbed my shoulder.
I heard both Ann and Penelope gasp at his sudden action towards me.
"What? Of course not!" I said, and a nervous laugh involuntary followed after.
Jack's face was stone cold; he didn't move an inch.
"Then why are you laughing at me, inmate?" he asked.
"Jack." I said more seriously.
What the hell is he doing?
"You're coming with me. I cannot tolerate this behavior. Inmates aren't allowed to eat together either." he said coldly, not only to me but to Ann and Penelope as well. He lifted me off my seat with a single movement and tugged me towards the exit. I could hear Penelope and Ann protest in the background.
"What are you doing!?" I heard Penelope shout and Ann joined in with a "You can't do that!"
I was struggling too. Of course he knew I didn't do anything wrong!
"Jack! What are you- Let go of me!" I said, and I could hear how scared I was. But he didn't listen to me.
He had pulled me all the way out into the halls already.
"Let me go, please!" I begged, almost beginning to cry. I just wanted to go back and eat with my friends. That's the closest I can come to a normal life here.
"Just hang on for a little while-" he suddenly whispered in my ear. "I only want to talk to you."
He moved away slightly and winked at me.
He had made a scene in the dining room only to talk with me, making Ann and Penelope think badly of the person they thought was my soul mate, and making me look like some sort of prankster. He just could've asked me to speak with him like an ordinary person instead of forcing me away from lunch like I just had committed a crime.
I didn't like his way of communicating with me, so I protested. He took use of his membership in Millennium to have his way with me. I don't even think Schrödinger would do something like this to me. He wouldn't sink so low.
"No. If you want to tell me something you can say it now." I stopped in my tracks, disliking the idea of him acting so rude and tough in front of my friends who thought of him like a mother's dream. Jack gave me an odd look.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked, like I was the one who misbehaved.
"I'm a human being, Jack." I said to him, and his eyes widened at my statement.
"Just - Let me go. I'm sorry. I didn't sleep well last night..." I said.
I couldn't stay mad at him. His face looked like a frowning, ashamed mess, yet he didn't let go of my arm.
"Can you let go of me now? I'm not going to run away or anything." I said, feeling a bit uncomfortable with him touching me for so long.
"Did you hear the alarm too?" he asked, ignoring my wishes of being realized. He stepped closer.
"I did. Didn't everyone?" I asked, frowning at his grip on my arm. He shook his head slowly.
"I heard what happened in the evening class. You got sent back to your cell in the far off section with the other inmates. It was only a message sent out to the main guards, so how in the world could you hear it…" he muttered, more to himself.
I began sweating at the realization that Jack was a short distance from knowing that I lived in a soldier's cabin.
I don't know why I got nervous about him finding out, he's Jack, my friend, but starting today, I didn't trust him as much as I once did.
"Well… I should probably go back to the others." I said turning away from him, but he pulled me back.
"Lydia, Wait, I-"
"Let go Jack." I asked him, cutting him off.
"Why are you struggling all of the sudden!? It's like you think I will hurt you!" Jack raised his voice at me and he sounded angry, and I felt a bit bad for him. I didn't mean to make him feel this way, but his hands was still on me and I didn't like that.
"I'm sorry Jack. But can you please-"
"You don't have to say that again, Lydia. He must've understood by now."
A new, clean and youthful voice echoed through the halls, dancing around me and Jack and a ton of feelings washed over me as I heard the familiar voice. Our eyes landed on Schrödinger who was standing a few meters away from us, with his shoulders pushed back and head held high as he was gazing back at the two of us with maturity in his eyes.
"Excuse me, mein herr, but I think she told you to let her go more than once." Schrödinger said, now talking to none other than Jack.
"Can you let her go?" he asked very kindly, almost on the edge of sarcastically, with his hands hidden behind his back. The ears on his head tilted backwards, wanting to show us his innocence.
Jack chuckled. It wasn't a mocking chuckle. It was more of a friendly chuckle than anything else. He then released me.
"Just out of curiosity… Whatever would you do if I didn't?" Jack asked Schrödinger, who beamed at his question.
"I'll rip your arm off." he said casually, making both Jack and I raise our eyebrows at his wicked statement.
"What?" Jack asked with the last of the laughing energy he had left. I got a feeling that this was all little bit too much for him.
"I'll rip your arm off." Schrödinger replied, happy to get that said another time.
"Can you believe him?" Jack turned and looked at me.
Why did he look at me?
I looked at Schrödinger with burning cheeks, just now remembering that I've actually confessed my love to him. It felt so strange with another person around me and Schrödinger now, after the entire trauma in my room. Did Jack have any idea?
"I don't know." I mumbled as quietly as I could and looked down at the floor.
I wanted to be as neutral and impartial in this conversation as possible.
"Lydia."
Schrödinger said my name, and my head popped up like a dog hearing its owner calling. He smiled at me.
"Lydia, do mind it?" he asked in a voice that gave me goose bumps.
"Huh?" I asked dumbly. Schrödinger didn't mind my dumbness at all.
"Do you mind if I rip his arm off?" he asked clearly, and Jack laughed again, this time loud enough for all of us.
"If you want to make a wise decision Lydia, stay away from him." Jack said to me, eyes strictly on mine. I stood speechless, touched and untouched by his words. Schrödinger called my name again and I looked at him.
I looked at my master.
"Do you mind if I rip his arm off?" he said, this time much slower.
I had suspicions about this being a trick question, but it somehow didn't sound like a question at all…
"What the hell?" Jack reacted at my silence.
He looked between the both of us.
"Lydia he's not like us. Normal people don't ask things like that." he told me, but I already knew. Schrödinger wasn't normal.
"Lydia..." Jack's voiced chimed in warning.
He was getting nervous when I didn't say anything. I could sense him sweat. It was rather exciting actually, playing with his fate like this.
"No... I don't think I would." I answered Schrödinger, and Jack's eyes widened so much that all the whites in his eyes could be seen around the emeralds.
"You can't be serious Lydia!"
Jack was right. Schrödinger isn't normal, and he definitely isn't like us. It's just up to each individual to accept that about him.
I looked at Jack, who looked mortified and aggressive, ready to pull out his weapon any second now. When I looked at Schrödinger, he stood politely with his arms behind his back, with an apparent tranquility and a satisfied, content expression on his face.
"I wouldn't mind." I repeated so Schrödinger would understand how serious I was.
So much for being impartial.
"You heard the lady." Schrödinger said proudly.
"This is madness!" Jack bellowed. Then he laughed. "You don't understand, do you Lydia?" he said.
I looked at Jack in a mixture of irritation, confusion and of course curiosity. He smirked almost victoriously at the attention.
"Understand what?" I asked and he answered me instantly.
"What he is, this boy…" he said, gesturing towards Schrödinger like he was some sort of craftwork or machine.
"There's a truth to the saying that people aren't always as they seem. He – this little teenager you see, Lydia– isn't even a person. He's a mere experiment, good for absolutely nothing. He's on this earth without any reason. No emotions, no torments or feelings. You don't feel anything, do you?" he looked at Schrödinger. "You're a replica, a hypocrite, an illusion."
I stared at Schrödinger too, who stood there, listening to his words without even flinching.
"What are you?" Jack asked Schrödinger in a sickening sympathetic voice that made my blood boil.
How dare he speak this way to him?
Schrödinger looked unchanged.
"I'm everywhere and nowhere." he said.
It was a very sad thing to hear. It was like he didn't know any better than that. Jack chuckled at his answer.
"That's what he always say, doesn't he?" he asked me, and even though Jack was right, I refused to agree with him.
I looked at Schrödinger and his pink eyes were looking back at me. My eyes scanned him from his ears down to his boots, yet I couldn't find anything artificial with him. He looked very real to me.
"He's completely right though. If he thinks he's at a location at any moment, then he will be at that location. That's what he does. That's what he's alive for." Jack stepped beside me, not leaving Schrödinger alone with his unkind staring.
"You think he can do any harm? You think he can kill? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you, Miss Romanoff, but your guard isn't capable of such things. He cannot kill or injure something alive; since he doesn't even exist. He's created for a few purposes only; and killing isn't amongst any of them." he explained, and the more he talked, the more I listened even though I didn't want to hear it.
I felt sick to my stomach. I felt tricked and foolish. Everything suddenly made sense to me. His supernatural abilities, the instant healing of his hand, the inability to receive physical contact fully and return it; he doesn't understand. He doesn't know what love is. He...
"He doesn't love you Lydia." Jack said out loud, and I didn't know how I should handle those heartbreaking words.
I was upset with Jack for telling me this and I was upset with Schrödinger for not saying anything and I was upset at myself for not understanding this sooner. I've been so naïve. I had created feelings for a monster.
"You don't even know what you are yourself, do you?" Jack asked Schrödinger, only scrubbing more salt into the wound.
When I looked at Schrödinger, I saw something tragic.
He was looking down at the floor, and he was thinking about it. He was thinking about what he was and what he came from, and when he couldn't find any answers, he put his face into his hands and began rubbing his temples. It made me so angry that I wanted Jack to eat up his words, but it wasn't until Jack put his hand on my shoulder that I lost it.
"Schrödinger!" I shrieked, and his eyes darted towards me.
"He's touching me again." I said. "I don't like it."
Schrödinger examined the situation.
He was looking at Jack and his hand on my shoulder, and at me and my glossy eyes that suddenly were full of unshed tears.
Not a single tear left my eyes until the smirk was onto Schrödinger's features again, like the stars holds the moon quite still and like cats are drawn to sun rays. He looked at me and then Jack, and then he made me a promise.
"He never will again."