Blinding Lights
Chapter IV: Trash
Disc: I don't own Naruto. Trash belongs to Suede and the great and sexy Brett Anderson.
Oh maybe, maybe it's the clothes we wear
The tasteless bracelets and the dye in our hair
Maybe it's our kookiness
Or maybe, maybe it's our nowhere towns
Our nothing places and our cellophane sounds
Maybe it's our looseness
But we're trash, you and me
We're the litter on the breeze
We're the lovers on the streets
Just trash, me and you
It's in everything we do
It's in everything we do
Kakashi followed Sakura into her apartment. He was surprised, amazed, almost in fear. Not even the Fourth War had put him in such an anxious state of mind. His shinobi senses were failing, and suddenly he felt stupid and ridiculous. All the courage and bravery from before had left his body, and now he felt like if all strength had decided to abandon him. He was a strong and courageous man, he was a man of war, blood and fear, and yet here he was feeling like a child. Not even in his first missions did he remember feeling this way. And it was all about Sakura, his little pinky haired Sakura. The problem was that she was little no more. She was a stunning young woman that he had no idea when he had fell over his fit for her. Not even in his wildest dreams, Kakashi would ever think that he was going to be drinking coffee in Sakura's house. But again, what did he believed in the first place? He wondered the streets a bit drunk looking for the girl, yes, he was going to tell her that he realized that he was absolutely in love with her somehow and that he only expected her to listen to him and comfort him for a while and nothing else. Kakashi couldn't really ask Sakura for more. For everything, he knew about her was that some time ago, she had ended her relationship with Sasuke, or was it otherwise? That she had dedicated herself to work and sheltered her heart from any romantic affair. How could he thought that he could stand a chance? And yet here he was: felling idiotic and more desperate than before at the Hokage Tower.
"Please Kakashi, take a seat, make yourself at home" So no title, no Hokage Sama, no Kakashi Sensei, nothing, just Kakashi. This was killing him. Sakura was unreadable. Kakashi took a seat on the table, analyzing the situation like in a mission. What were her motives to invite him in? Was he looking so desperate that she was worried? Was she going to ask him Something, because after all, he was the Hokage? "Oi, Kakashi Sensei! are you okay?" Sakura spoke again, and the damned 'sensei' appeared again. "Where is your mind travelling? I'm trying to catch your attention like for five minutes now." Sakura finished with a frown.
"Trust me Sakura, you have my attention," Kakashi said, almost whispering.
"Ok, so you do want the chocolate cake." She crossed her arms in front of her.
"Yes... What? No" Kakashi choked with his words and thoughts "You know I don't like sweets." He finished sheepishly.
"See? you weren't listening. I asked if you prefer coffee or Something else, Something stronger..." Kakashi lifted his eyebrow. "Coffe it is then" Sakura finished blushing turning her back to him going to the kitchen.
"Ah, Sakura Chan, you can bring the sake too if you want to." and suddenly the Hokage was starting to relax again. After all, they could talk about everything, like the weather, or the next Chunin exams, or the Hospital plans. No, no feelings involved.
Sakura was trembling. She was trying her best to not let show her agitation, but deep down, she felt that she was failing. Suddenly, Sakura had seating in the living room as it was the most normal thing in the village, the Hokage himself, the same Hokage that not long ago she discovered that she was in love with, in a way that she never thought. Oh, the things she would do to him if she has a chance. But first Sakura needed to talk. She needed to tell Kakashi that she discovered these new feelings, and there was no turning back. That actually she didn't know how to love, that was foreign territory for her. Yes, Sakura did have Sasuke once, but that was not love, that had been a toxic relationship in which she had given everything and received nothing in return. A relationship in which she had functioned more as a therapeutic companion than as mate, in which over time she only got hurt. Sakura needed Kakashi to know that she had no real experience of healthy love. She even thought that she didn't know what love really was. She only knew the glimpses of the relationship between Naruto and Hinata, or Ino and Sai, and she wasn't even sure if that was what she wanted for her. Sakura wanted to tell Kakashi all these things because even if he rejected her, at least she could ask him what to do. Sakura was ready to hear that she was a lost cause. She wasn't tender like Hinata, hot like Ino or strong like Temari, she was just a great doctor with a brilliant career in front of her to take care of others not expecting anything in return. And that was ok if it was the case, if Kakashi, the most intelligent man, in his own way, she knew told her so. The coffee was ready, she prepared the tray with two cups filled with the steaming brown liquid, two glasses and a bottle of sake, just as her sensei had suggested. Before returning to the living room, she observed from the kitchen door: Kakashi was sitting near the table with his legs crossed, slightly tilted to one side, with his arms crossed looking at nothing. What would he be thinking? She was sure that the echoes of Sasuke could still be heard in the apartment, and she hated herself for it. That was her house, yes, but nevertheless, some shadows made her feel like a foreigner and now another man was once again occupying one of the three chairs next to the table. She felt like she was betraying someone: Sasuke, Kakashi or herself she didn't know.
"I can feel you are staring, you know? Sakura" Kakashi spoke in his mocking tone uncrossing his arms without looking at her "You can make a hole in my head with those green eyes of yours."
"Sorry," Sakura started "I was checking if something was missing" such a lame excuse she thought.
"Is that so?" He was being annoying, and he knew it, but it was the only way he could get to relax and talk to her.
"Yes, it is." Suddenly she was again lost of words.
"My god, Sakura" Kakashi spoke again. "Even Hinata can make longer sentences, come here at once." Sakura shivered, that commanding tone was terrifying if not exciting. As expected, Sakura obeyed placing the tray on the table. She took a seat in front of the Hokage, who instantly sat up in his chair supporting both arms on the glass of the table. Now she had his full attention.
Silence fell on Kakashi and Sakura, they studied each other without saying anything. It seemed as if they were trying to read each other's thoughts, but neither was having any luck. Reading minds was not in the list of their talents. Both were lost in the presence of the other. Kakashi had to end this. He took one of the glasses, and after filling it with sake, he drank it in one gulp. Sakura smiled when she saw Kakashi's grin as he took a second glass. Now yes, now he had to speak.
"Sakura, I ..."
"Sensei ..." But Sakura spoke first.
"Sakura, I need you to ..."
"Kakashi, I know, I shouldn't call you by the honorifics, but please let me speak" Something in the girl's tone made Kakashi shut up, he was going to let her speak first. She seemed nervous, anguished, a little flushed too. Looking at her nervous hands as they clattered on the table. Kakashi extended a glass full of liquor to the girl and after inviting her to drink it, he waited for her to start talking. He wanted to take Sakura by her hands so that she could make them stop moving. To prevent her nails from hurting her skin anymore, but he was not going to touch her without her permission, he was not going to exceed the boundaries.
"Am I a lost cause?" Sakura asked without any filter, and Kakashi was lost. What was she talking about?
"I'm sorry, what?" Sakura took another glass of sake, and she was starting to feel warm "I think we are not having coffee any more" Kakashi concluded serving more sake for both of them. This was going to end terrible wrong or terrible good, he couldn't just tell yet.
"I asked you if I'm a lost cause" Sakura started again "I mean, you know about life right? not the shinobi life, just life, real civilian life." Sakura was playing tongue twister.
"I guess..." Kakashi told her. Did he? did he know about regular civilian life? "But you know I'm not an expert, you are well aware of how my life has been, Sakura" Sakura's heart shrunk "you should talk about this with your friends, not with me." Were tears on her eyes?
"I can't..." her voice was breaking "It has to be you. You have to let me finish and then, in any case, help me."
"Oh my god, you are not pregnant right?" Kakashi almost broke the glass "I'll not act like your father, you already have one."
"Kakashi, stop" Sakura raised her voice for the first time in the night. "Trust me, being pregnant not only would it be easier but a miracle" Kakashi breathed. "I think I'm in love." And Kakashi stopped breathing again, and it hurt like hell.
"That's why you need to talk with your friends. What about Ino?" he started, standing up ready to leave. He didn't need it to hear anything about the stupid lucky boy who Sakura had fallen in love with.
"Please, Kakashi, sit down. I need to talk to you and only you." He obeyed, finally he couldn't say no to her pleading.
"Ok, spit it all. The old man here will give you his best advice." Kakashi sat down again, reluctantly.
"The thing is that I recently acknowledge this feeling, and it's weird to me. I've never felt like this before, and I don't know if it's even love or just admiration or infatuations." Sakura was an open book. Why with him? Why it had to be him?
"You know what love is Sakura, What about Sasuke?"
Kakashi's voice had dropped at least one tone, and it already felt scratchy from the alcohol "You dated him for years, it was your dream."
"It was a nightmare. I thought I loved him, and he loved me back, but you know him. Sasuke never settled down, he never left his ghosts to go, he was drowning in an abysm, and I was drowning with him." Sakura was resisting the tears, and Kakashi wanted to hang Sasuke from the highest part of the Hokage tower and leave him there. If he still had the Sharingan, he would subject him to being immersed in the mangekyou forever, even if it killed him.
"What's the difference now, Sakura?"
"I don't know" Sakura was having a hard time, he needed to stop talking and saying her name like that "I was hoping you can tell me what love is to you and maybe make me understand." Kakashi was shocked. Tell her what love is, and make her understand? not tell her, make her "Please sensei?"
"First, Sakura, if I'm doing this..." what was this? "We're doing this, you need to stop calling me sensei, or Hokage Sama, or Lord Sixth, or whatever. I need you to be my equal, two adults, alright?" Sakura nodded, this time for real, she wanted to be the adult she became too. "Second, are you sure about this? You know I read Icha Icha all the time." He was trying to discourage her. He didn't want to talk about love if he was not going to be the loved one.
"Even though Kakashi, even if you read that book all the time." Sakura was firm in her decision. Kakashi had no choice.
"Alright..." another glass "I don't know what is to love or to be loved. I only can guess" Sakura was stunned. He never had anybody in his life then? "I can tell you what I hope it would be."
"That will do." She said, full of hope.
"I guess love is the purest and genuine feeling of all. A person can love in so many ways and levels that you can only imagine. I love Konoha, I love my people, I love Naruto, and of course all of you" Wrong path Kakashi, wrong path.
"Even me?" Sakura's eyes were brighter than ever.
"Yes, Sakura, even you" He was uncomfortable, anxious "but there is another kind of love, and that's the one you are talking about. I would love to believe that love is the moment that person becomes the centre of your thoughts, it's when you smile even against yourself when she is not near. When you remember her fragrance in the room. Love can plague your dreams and can be terribly frightening" Still in his chair he was talking dreamingly, almost fantasizing and Sakura was slightly getting closer to him, like in a spell. "You know love strikes you like lightning and you can't make anything about it. You want to see her, stay close, touch her" Kakashi looked at her, He got lost in her eyes.
"And?" Sakura asked as a child asking for more tales to sleep. Kakashi was playing with his glass, knowing he was dangerously flirting with fire.
"Love is to worry if she is okay, it is knowing that she is a complete person by herself and that oneself is complete too, that there are not soulmates nor fairy tales with happy endings if they are not built. Love can be incredible, but it can also hurt. It is a constant challenge, it is the perfect combination of pleasure and suffering, life and death. Love can be passions and fires unleashed, but it must also be calm and peaceful. Love is trusting and being proud of her, happy for her even if it kills you from the inside. Love is not perfect Sakura, and that is why it is difficult to find the true one." Kakashi didn't dare to look at her.
"For a person who says to know nothing about love, it seems to me that you know a lot, Kakashi." Sakura was flustered. Her chicks were burning, and her head spinning. Kakashi seemed to be talking about a certain girl, all the time he said the word 'she', and that hurt, but it was ok, at least now she knew she loved him even if she didn't have a chance.
"Tell me Sakura" Kakashi spoke walking to the door, he was way too dizzy, not sure if it was from the sake or from everything he had unknowingly said, "do you feel anything like that?" Kakashi was already opening the door, head hanging down. He could still see Sakura out of the corner of his eye.
"I do."
"Then that boy is a fucking lucky bastard." He had one foot out of the apartment, he was ready to leave, but suddenly two slim arms around his waist made the task impossible.
"The last time I checked, he was not a boy." Kakashi felt Sakura's voice vibrating on his back. He froze for a moment feeling the erratic breathing of the girl on his body, and finally, he turned to face her. Sakura still hadn't separated from him even an inch. He took her by her shoulders, to look her in her eyes.
"What do you mean, Sakura?" His voice was strange even to him. It was lower, deeper, menacing.
"Stop saying my name like that" Sakura pleaded, trying to get closer to his masked lips.
"Like what," He said, pulling her slightly away "Sa Ku Ra?"
"So sinful, so sweet, so tempting" she was melting, and he was stoically watching her "I realize I'm absolutely and madly in love with you, and I can't have you." Kakashi couldn't believe the situation, he didn't know if he was in hell or in heaven.
"You can't have me?" What was she talking about?
"No, I can't, I herd you well before. You were talking about this girl so lovingly and swetl..."
"Oh, god! And I always thought you were the clever one." He said before crushing his mouth against hers. Sakura whimper, she felt so good, even with the mask on. He pinned her against the door, and she put her hands between his hair, caressed his neck and the little hairs on the nape aroused sensations that had been asleep for years. He ran his fingers through her jaw, her neck, he drew the shape of her collarbone, he tried to remember every inch of Sakura as it was in that moment against that door; still, he wouldn't give one more step. Even if his body was screaming to have her, he had said that love was respect, and that was what Sakura was for him, Love.
Sakura was burning inside and outside. Her body was sending fire to all her being, and she never thought she was capable of feeling this way. One moment she was all sad and lost thinking that there was nothing else out there for her, and now she was being kissed against her door by no other tan Hatake Kakashi. It was insane, and he was so perfect, after all, what had been said and done, she was kissing her former sensei, and she wanted more. She took the first step, she extended her hands towards Kakashi's cheeks, he gently rubbed his face against her palms. She was asking permission, and he was consenting. Sakura slid the mask down, and her mouth drop.
"Why?" she managed to say.
"I don't want all Konoha trying to kiss me." He answered, smiling, taking the chance to kiss her again. The kiss was tender, even fragile, there was no rush, no time, Neither of them thinking in who they were.
Kissing was ok, but not enough, Kakashi could feel it in Sakura clinging closer to him as if that was possible. Suddenly his hands began to travel not only on Sakura's arms, but they also ran over her back and the need to feel her skin was stronger. Kakashi shoved his hands under Sakura's medic jacket. A pleasurable grunt escaped his throat when he felt the softness of the pink-haired girl's skin, and she could only repeat his name.
Kakashi: that was all her mind could think about, Kakashi kissing her, Kakashi caressing her back, Kakashi drawing the form of her little breast murmuring how perfect they were between kisses. Kakashi's body pinning her against the door, his hardness, in which Sakura's now dirty mind, was huge. It was hot, Sakura was hot, she could feel it on her body, and she could feel it between her legs like never before. Sakura being caressed like this by Kakashi made her thought that that was the closest thing to feeling adored as a goddess. No, the silver-haired man wasn't selfish, he hadn't pressured her to touch him yet, nor had he dragged her into the room to satisfy his desires like others did before. Kakashi was taking his time, and that was disarming Sakura.
"Kakashi, please."
"Pretty desperate, aren't you?" he asked.
"Yes." Sakura was trying to undress him, but he was too tall.
"Relax Sakura. We have plenty of time," he said, seductively biting her earlobe.
"How long?"
"As long as you want it".
"You mean like forever? Sakura asked.
"Is that what you want? Sakura nodded "Then, forever it is."
"Kakashi, take me to the room" Sakura pleaded, kissing his neck.
"I'll take you to the stars and back, Sa Ku Ra" Kakashi promised.
So! I finally made it! I finished this story full of song, and love, and doubts, and fears but a happy ending. As always thanks for reading! I'll be waiting for your comments so don't be shy, and let me know what you think. I may write more stories for them. Don't know yet if they are going to part from here or from something entirely new. We'll see.