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SHATTER ME

Chapter 14

Hermione had thought that her worst week of Hogwarts was the one that ended with her going to the hospital wing because her front teeth were hit with a curse, not to mention the incident in her second year with the cat hair. She realised tiredly, as she struggled to stay awake eating dinner that this week was her worst by far. It started terribly as soon as she awoke on the Monday, she felt overly tired and lingering fragments of her dreams distracted her to the point that Professor Snape had to practically shout to get her attention. He didn't give her a detention, yet the verbal bashing had almost everyone chortling.

By Wednesday she truly began to understand her need to keep using the crutches and why Professor Dumbledore had restricted her class schedule. Sirius, as her carer, and tutor had to nudge her awake through Ancient Runes and to her mortification, Transfiguration. Thankfully Professor McGonagall was understanding, to a point. Apparently she had talked in her sleep and she now had to deal with a host of new whispers around the school. When she finally got Harry to tell her what she had said she refused to leave the rooms provided to her for the rest of the day skipping her Potions class.

Then finally she had the first real opportunity to use the library only to find her favourite table in the back of the library being used by Draco Malfoy who appeared as tired and worn as she did. After slight confusion she found another table eventually, also as hidden but without a window to give natural light. She had fallen asleep again. Apparently her hiding place was so good even Sirius had trouble looking for her.

"Why don't you just go to bed Hermione?" Ginny asked watching as she yawned for the umpteenth time. Hermione looked down at the food she barely touched.

"I should but I have so much work to catch up on." She answered, another yawn threatening as she spoke. Harry snorted beside her.

"Hermione, you are not behind on anything except the practical classes. Even Snape, had grudgingly admitted how far ahead you were on the theory." Harry said.

"Professor Snape, Harry." Hermione corrected tiredly.

"Snape actually complimented Hermione's hard work?" Ginny asked in surprise.

"Oh, don't worry. He also followed through with his usual amounts of bullying and verbal harassment we are used to." Harry grinned, Standing up from the table.

"Come on Hermione, you should go to bed." He held her crutches for her and waited, her bag already on his shoulder. She knew she didn't need convincing and stood up slowly. Ginny took another bite before standing as well.

"I'll come too. At least to the library, I need to find a book for charms." She said as they headed slowly to the entry to the great hall. Just as they reached the portal someone, or rather two someone's, entered and collided with Hermione, sending her sprawling, hitting her head hard on the stone floor.

"Ron! You Idiot! Watch where you are going!" Ginny shouted at her brother.

"It's not Won Won's Fault!" Lavender retorted shrilly.

"Yes it is! You both wouldn't even see a hippogriff when it's right in front of you!" Ginny rounded on the blonde hanging from her brother's arm.

"Hermione! Are you ok?" Harry ignored the others as Hermione still lay prone on the ground. Other students had begun to gather round, hoping to see a fight. Harry helped her sit up a little.

"I feel like I was hit by a bludger," Hermione groaned lifting her hand to the back of her head. When she pulled her hand away it came away bloody. Ron's face paled, as he stared at Hermione.

"Bloody Hell!" Ron gasped. He made to move towards her but both Lavender and Ginny stopped him.

"I think you've done enough." Ginny growled, standing in front of him. Ron didn't move until Lavender yanked on his arm pulling him away and around the growing crowd into the great hall.

The crowd also brought over teachers instantly dispersing the students as their presence neared. Professor McGonagall cast a quick look on the scene.

"Mr Potter, Mr Thomas, both of you please help Miss Granger up to see Madam Pomfrey. Miss Weasley, please go with them and take her bag and crutches." She directed them. Dean handed his bag to Seamus and helped Harry pick her up between them and made their way as fast as they could to the Hospital Wing.

/\/\/*\/\/\

"You are going to have a nasty bump on the head Miss Granger." Madam Pomfrey healed the cut on the back of her head quickly. Hermione felt the magic and almost wondered if she hitting her head on the concrete was better than the sudden nausea. Harry, Ginny and Dean watched on with concern. Ginny shrugged off Deans hand reaching for the bucket just in time for Hermione to vomit.

"Quick thinking Ginny." Sirius's voice came from behind, as Hermione continued to retch into the bucket. Harry turned to see Sirius, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall standing at the entry.

"Mr Potter, I think you, Mr Thomas and Miss Weasley better go up to your Dormitory. Thank you for your assistance." Professor McGonagall held open the door for them not allowing any chance to protest. Ginny stalled, until Dean tried to take her hand again, she stormed off with the two boys following somewhat reluctantly in her wake. Harry glanced back as Madam Pomfrey took the bucket away and handed her a glass of water.

"You are staying here overnight Miss Granger." She said with finality. Hermione didn't argue as she took a small sip to rinse out the rancid taste from her mouth. The nurse took the glass away and Hermione lay her head back tentatively.

"I put a numbing cream on your head to help you rest." She said kindly and stepped away from the bed. Curtains were put up cutting off her view of the three that waited, not that it mattered as Hermione's eyes fluttered shut almost instantly.

"Should she be sleeping if she was hit in the head?" Sirius asked as Madam Pomfrey moved closer.

"I hope that you are not questioning my care for the girl Mr Black!" The School Nurse said coldly as she joined the group.

"He is simply concerned for her wellbeing Poppy." Professor Dumbledore cut in.

"Sirius would have been in the hall except I had asked him to see me regarding Miss Granger's adjustment back to Hogwarts." He answered the unspoken question that hung in the air by both Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall.

"As well as a few other growing concerns." Sirius added, and explained to Madam Pomfrey about her dreaming, lack of eating, lack of energy and strength that she used to have. The Nurse's face softened at the detail in which he gave her and summoned her file on the girl.

"Much of this is from St Mungo's." She began as she rifled through the file.

"The healer originally in charge sent it over to me with some astonishing findings. Some I didn't quite believe, some I am still unsure of." She pulled out a document and read through it quickly, handing it to Professor Dumbledore.

"I want to double check everything to be sure of course. Yet I think that perhaps this bump to her head may also help her actually begin to remember everything that happened." Madam Pomfrey explained.

"So Mr Weasley may have actually helped with her trauma by causing more trauma?" Professor McGonagall asked slightly baffled.

"It is too early to tell." Madam Pomfrey answered, "Yet as it has been documented her dreams are incredibly vivid, I do believe that she may connect it as actual memory not just when she sleeps." She turned to Sirius,
"Mr Black, you will need to keep a close watch on her. If and most likely when she starts to regain her memories, they will affect her just as strongly as her dream versions do."

Sirius nodded and looked over to the area that was now closed off from view of the sleeping girl. Professor Dumbledore handed the paper back to Madam Pomfrey.

"Poppy, if you can please recheck everything the healer was concerned about. Please let me know once you have." He said to the school nurse.

"Sirius, Minerva, I think we have extended our own visit long enough. Goodnight Poppy." Dumbledore moved to the door, opening it for them. Professor McGonagall bid them goodnight and hurried off to do her rounds. Sirius followed Professor Dumbledore out reluctantly.

"Chin up Sirius." Professor Dumbledore looked over his half-moon glasses at the troubled man.

"I believe that Miss Granger remembering her past is just the beginning." He said encouragingly before bidding Sirius goodnight, leaving him to walk a slow path to his rooms.

/\/\/*\/\/\

Hermione woke up the next morning, her head still tender and sore as the numbing cream had worn off. Madam Pomfrey put her through an enormous round of tests both magical and medical. She was extremely happy to see Ginny who was only allowed to stay as long as Hermione ate all her breakfast.

"So I am guessing she isn't going to let you out anytime soon?" Ginny asked as she settled on the end of the bed helping herself to a piece of toast.

"No." Hermione groaned; picking up the other slice of toast as Madam Pomfrey hurried past.

"I'm really starting to get annoyed that everyone is starting to think of me as some fragile porcelain doll." Hermione grumbled, taking a small bite.

"Well I know you are made of stronger stuff." Ginny smiled encouragingly at her.

"Thanks Ginny." Hermione smiled in return. They ate in silence, until there were only crumbs left on the plate.

"Where is Harry I thought he would have come down with you?" Hermione asked her friend.

"He, ah. Harry got held up by Dean and Ron." Ginny hedged. When she looked up at Hermione she sighed as the girl in the bed waited for her to explain.

"Dean and Ron got into a row about Ron's behaviour. Ron the idiot, dragged my name into the argument when Dean said that Ron has been horrible to you lately. Harry and Seamus had to break them apart. I left the common room after that because all three were starting to look at me to support one side of the argument." Ginny explained.

"After telling all of them that they were all the biggest bunch of idiots and they all needed to grow up." She added. Ginny sighed and looked at her watch.

"Merlin's beard! I have to go! I'm late to Quidditch practice!" Ginny jumped up and dashed out, nearly crashing into Sirius and Madam Pomfrey as she raced from the room. Madam Pomfrey scowled as they moved towards her bed, which softened seeing Hermione's empty plate. Sirius noted it too, yet suspected that the redheaded witch had more to do with it than Hermione.

The nurse checked her over again before reluctantly allowing Hermione to leave, provided that she rest for the remainder of the weekend. Hermione thrilled that she could go, wasted no time in changing into her clothes and following Sirius back to their rooms. As soon as she arrived she settled down with her schoolwork as Sirius took up his usual chair and the sketchpad, answering her questions as she worked through her subjects.

"I am glad you like the birthday gift Sirius." Hermione said after a long silence.

Sirius looked up and smirked. "It was one of the few vices from my childhood that I enjoyed fully. And I had a wonderful muse in which I focused my sketches on. Still do in fact."

Hermione set her quill down and raised a brow at him. "You still know your muse?"

Sirius's eyes crinkled as his smirk broadened, watching as Hermione's brow creased as she went into deep thought trying to figure it out. He chuckled softly. Until she remembered everything he knew that she was never going to guess whom his muse was and would always be.

A knock on the door interrupted both of them. Sirius stood and went to answer it. Sirius came back through leading a small group of girls looking slightly baffled. Hannah Abbott, Parvati and Padma Patil, and most surprising was Luna Lovegood.

"I might go and see how Harry is doing with his Quidditch practice" Sirius said quietly, picking up his sketchbook and disappeared from the room. Only Hermione was left with the girls, noted the looks of disappointment on three of the girl's faces. Luna the only one out of them who had her gaze fixed on Hermione.

"Hello Hermione." She broke the silence with her soft voice. The greeting seemed to have acted as a bell to the others who all sat themselves down and smiled greetings themselves. Hermione now trying hard not to smile at their poorly disguised looks of disappointment, gently cleared her throat.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Looking directly at Parvati, as she seemed to be the leader of this party. Hermione had to give Parvati credit as she smiled back at her.

"Well, Padma, Hannah and I were in the library, discussing the awful behaviour Ron has displayed and realised that you would be stuck in your rooms all by yourself." Parvati explained.

"So, we decided that we would come and see you Hermione. Catch you up on the gossip you missed and perhaps study together." Hannah added. Hermione now was trying extremely hard not to laugh at their ploy, so turned to Luna instead, had picked up one of her essays that had fallen to the floor and was reading it.

"What about you Luna?" She asked the blonde fifth year student. Luna looked up and smiled at Hermione.

"I came to see you. Ginny mentioned that you might want company." Luna said; placing the essay back onto the table and began digging in her pocket for something. She drew out an envelope and handed it to her.

"Also Ron asked to give this to you. He seems extremely upset at what happened yesterday." She said serenely. Hermione stared down at the envelope and looked at Ron's scruffy handwriting.

"Aren't you going to open it?" Padma asked. Hermione looked up and saw the other three girls watching her. She had a deep suspicion that they were really here for more gossip about Sirius than her. Hermione shook her head.

"No. He is a prat, and not worth my time. Especially when that blonde bimbo is hanging off him like her life depends upon it." Hermione scrunched up her nose.

Parvati stood up her face now angry. "That Bimbo is my friend!"

Hermione laughed derisively. "Parvati, since Lavender has been snogging Ron, you have been pushed aside by her as well. And ignored, and belittled by her. And you still call her friend?"

"That is rather rude of you to say." Hannah said standing up and putting an arm around Parvati.

"It is not rude when it is the truth. Why would anyone want a friend that insults them like Lavender does to Parvati." Hermione scoffed.

Padma stood up also, "Like Ron constantly insults you?" She turned to the other two girls.

"I think our efforts here are wasted. Professor Trelawney was right. Hermione's best friends seem to come only from the pages of books and scrolls." Padma lead the other two out leaving a baffled and stunned Hermione and Luna, who seemed to be staring at a point midway to the wall.

"Don't listen to them Hermione." Luna spoke as the door snapped shut. "You have plenty of friends. And I do not come from a book. At least I don't think I do. I might need to check with dad to be sure."

"Thanks Luna. Though I honestly think that I was not the reason they came to visit." Hermione shook her head to clear the stray ill thoughts of her classmates and their odd behaviour.

"Would you like to come for a walk with me Luna? I would love your company?" Hermione picked up her crutches and stood up. The blonde nodded and opened the door for her.

Hermione had a destination and slowly made her way down towards the great hall. Both girls could hear shouting as they reached the first landing to the entrance. Hermione recognised Ginny's shrill cries and saw her as she suddenly pushed past a small group that gathered and bolted away.

"Luna, can you go after her? I can't run." Luna nodded and dashed off following the direction that Ginny had gone. Hermione continued down the stairs and spotted the person that she wanted to see. Ron saw her and stopped walking as she approached. Stopping before him she balanced on her crutches and pulled out the envelope.

"Please stop writing me letters. I don't want to read them. Nor do I need to have you use my friends to give them to me!" Hermione said handing it back to her.

Ron looked down at the envelope, his face reddening. "It was to say sorry for what happened yesterday, Hermione." He said angrily.

"Then if you want to apologise Ronald, do it in person and be sincere!" Hermione now feeling her emotions boil over she began to walk off.

"Yeah! Right! Like you would give me the time of day!" Ron Shouted at her retreating form. Hermione stopped and turned seeing behind him Lavender and Parvati rushing down the stairs.

"I doubt that Ron. You don't even spend time with the friends you still have." She called back, and walked out onto the grounds. The air had become frigid but she couldn't bear to be surrounded by so many people. She felt less and less like she belonged with the school. And with her parents gone so was her main connection with the muggle world. Hermione found herself standing by the lake staring out across the scenery trying so hard to find where she did belong.

"For someone that says she follows the rules, you seem to disobey orders quite frequently." Sirius's voice came from behind her. The light was fading and frost was already settling on the grounds, leaving a soft mist to rise above the lake. She felt the weight of a cloak settle over her shoulders and Sirius stepping to stand beside her.

In her mind she felt something pull at her like they had been in the exact spot once before. The muggles called it Déjà vu. Yet the wizarding community, who knows time travel is real, were always suspicious of anything that may have happened. Hermione shook her head. It had to be Déjà vu. Though her mind kept asking what if it wasn't.

"I think I would pay a thousand galleons to know what you are thinking about right now." Sirius said softly, watching Hermione. She turned her head slightly to glance at him.

"I highly doubt my thoughts would be worth that much gold." She quipped. Sirius burst out laughing at the irony of it all. Dumbledore had shown the letter the head of the Department of Mysteries had sent him regarding her very thoughts. They were offering ten times as much in compensation for them to have a conversation with her. Both Dumbledore and Sirius surmised that the conversation would not be much of a conversation as an interrogation. And the funds to make it seem like they were on the right side to pay off any questions. Sirius's laughter died as Hermione continued to frown at him.

"Where did I go Sirius?" Hermione asked. Sirius was caught off-guard by her question. He turned back to the fading darkness, unable to keep looking at the pleading look on her face.

"I can't Hermione." His voice was strained. He could still feel her gaze on him.

"Can you at least tell me when I went?" The pleading was now in her voice. He also understood the distinction of the question. More than anything he wanted to gather her into his arms, knowing that she would never again slip away on a mere whisper on the wind.

"Sirius, please." Her voice barely a whisper on its own nearly shattered him. Nearly shattered his resolve. All he could do was shake his head, unable to trust his own tongue and what he would say. He heard her sigh beside him, withdrawing from him, physically and emotionally.

"Very well." She spoke to the night. "Good night Mr Black." She turned from the reflection of the rising moon and made her way back to the castle on her own. Sirius looked into the silvery darkness feeling the same pull of a night so similar, so long ago that left him just as bereft on the very same spot by the lake. The Fates it seemed were determined to weave sorrow and heartache into his life with a dexterity that left a bitter smile on Sirius's face.

A cloud not unlike the one in his past drifted across the face of the moon plunging the world to darkness. As the cloud passed and the silvery light once again swept across the shoreline of the lake a black dog sat howling a lonely song to the moon.