Chapter 14 - Kiss and Tell

Pina stepped off the train, tugging his hoodie close. His heavy boots clanked heavily on the metal platform as he looked which way to go.

He had called Legosi the previous night asking where Louis was staying. He got that information and much more. He knew he had to see how the deer was doing immediately.

The dall sheep brought a hand up to cover his eyes from the bright morning sun as he emerged from the underground station. He was lucky that the hospital was just down the block from it. He hurried his pace, despite being there fairly early. "Louis, what's going on..."

He pushed through the glass doors and brought his phone out. 9:45. Visiting hours wouldn't start yet, but maybe he could check in still.

The sheep walked up to the receptionist, fluffing his wool to fix what the wind did to it and putting on his prettiest eyes. "Hello."

"Hello, how can I help you?" The receptionist asked, with a smile.

"I know visiting hours don't start yet, but once they do, I want to visit my friend Louis. He's a red deer who was admitted here two days ago." Pina felt the eyes of some of the herbivores in the waiting room on him. Of course, he was used to all the admiration.

The woman nodded, sliding him a clipboard with a piece of paper on it. "Fill this out and hand it back to me, hon."

Pina did so, writing both classmate and friend in the relationship line.

"Alright, have a seat and we'll let you know when you can see him."

The sheep followed directions, catching more attention from the animals there. If this had been a normal situation he would have flaunted himself as he sat down, putting on a show for his audience. But instead he sat heavily, pulling out his phone to see if Bill had messaged him. He didn't tell him about his excursion today, since he didn't want the tiger skipping class. Unfortunately, there were no words from the tiger. He was terrible about texting, after all.

Pina tapped his prosthetic foot. He hated hospitals.

Some time passed, but just a little after ten, a doe nurse came out of the door that led deeper into the building. "Louis the red deer?"

Pina stood up and walked over, his limp almost completely gone, now. "Hi, that's my friend."

She smiled. "Please follow me." The deer waited for him to get closer and then walked through the door, beginning to walk through the bright halls. "You get twenty minutes. When you get in the room, the patient will be handcuffed. You can touch the patient, but if you yell at him, you will be removed from the room. We want to make sure this visit goes as safe and smooth as possible. Do you understand?"

"Of course, ma'am. Thank you." Pina swallowed. He suddenly felt very nervous.

"The whole visit will be recorded, so there's a security camera in there. Do you have any other questions?" They arrived at the door.

"No. Thank you."

She pushed it open, revealing a handcuffed and still bandaged Louis inside. He stayed looking at the ground.

"Hey." Pina waved casually as he slid into the uncomfortable plastic chair in front of him.

"Hey..." Louis spoke.

The other herbivore got right to brass tacks. "Talk to me. What's going on."

"...I belong here," Louis whispered. "I feel like I'm broken and can't be fixed."

Pina leaned back and crossed his arms. "Well, of course you're going to feel that way while you're recovering. You're not going to snap back to 100% right away. Or whatever you were functioning at before."

"Mmm..." The deer sighed. "I'm guessing Legosi told you."

"Yes. Why did you break up with him?"

"Because. I'm bad for him. He always needs to save me and I'm too much of a responsibility. Plus, he deserves to be with someone who isn't like...this." He sighed, looking down in defeat. "I love him, but compared to him I'm...nothing."

Pina brushed some wool out of his eyes. "I talked to Legosi over the phone yesterday. He sounded awful. I'm going to see him after this, but I don't know what I'm expecting to find. Do you really think putting him through all of this heartache is good for him?"

"Eventually, he'll get over it once he realizes how unhealthy I am for him. Then, he'll find someone else..."

"I doubt that, Louis." The sheep leaned forward, moving his chair a bit closer. "But let's not talk about him right now. What about you?"

"I'm...hurting. A lot. Well, I've always been sort of hurting. But right now, all of this has made me realize how much of a weight I am." The chains of his handcuffs rattled as he adjusted in his seat. "Saving me from kidnappers, from Horns, from myself. I can't keep asking that of anyone."

Pina reached out and took Louis' bound hands, looking him in the eye. "Why not?"

"Because it's too much of a burden! I don't just want to be a weight! I need help! Even if I try to push the thoughts away, they always come back! I don't understand!" He looked down. "I don't understand...I still don't understand why Legosi would want me. And now...I'm a murderer, just because I wanted to be free."

The other animal just sat there, soaking in the words. He blinked at the last ones. "Murderer? What do you mean?"

"The night that he and I escaped the Horns building, we had my butler, Shogi, help us escape. After that night, he ran away to avoid being caught, but in turn, couldn't pay to help treat his brother's sickness anymore. The illness got worse and he...died...It's my fault for using him so I could be happy..." He felt tears sting his eyes. "I had a complete mental breakdown. My mind kept telling me to just run away. I didn't even know how to deal with what I had done...I just...Use people!"

"But this Shogi agreed to help you, yeah? It was his decision."

Louis sighed. "I shouldn't have tried to escape in the first place. I thought I could leave and be happy..."

Pina squeezed his hands. "You weren't happy with Legosi?"

Louis sniffled. "I...I thought I was...I tried to be...I loved him more than anything, but...When you're so unhappy that you want to die, why would you want others to love you? It ruins their happiness."

"Louis, when others love you they want to help you. Shogi wanted to help you because he cares about you. You're not tricking animals into liking you, they genuinely do! I like you, Bill likes you. Legosi loves you! It's true that you need professional help, but cutting yourself off from your fiance isn't the answer."

"He's not my fiance anymore," Louis mumbled.

Pina's chest hurt just hearing those words. "Okay. But what I said still is true. And you're as much responsible for Shogi's brother's death as I am for my brother's death. And god, did I used to blame myself all the time. I still do sometimes, on bad days. And there'll always be bad days, but that doesn't mean you can just give up! You're just hurting yourself and your loved ones more by doing this." The sheep moved forward again, their knees now touching as he rubbed up and down the deer's arms. "You need help, but you don't need to abandon anyone to get it."

"I...don't want him looking at me," Louis mumbled. He opened his palms and looked down at them. "I feel tainted. Sick. I'm afraid..."

The sheep took that opportunity to slide his hands back and intertwine their fingers. "But you can get better. And I guarantee that Legosi loves you unconditionally. You didn't see him during all of those months you were away. I can only imagine the same thing is happening to him right now, only five times worse."

"But...I..." The deer sniffed. "I have to..."

"That's what your mind is saying, and by your admission, it's sick. Your thoughts right now are sick and incorrect. I'm not saying you have to see him right away, but don't think you're done with him. I've seen you two. There's something...special there!" Pina squeezed, feeling disgusting tears well up in his eyes. "And you're too good an animal to be left to rot in a mental institution."

"Shogi...what do I do about him? He's been suffering because of me...What if Legosi's been suffering because of me this whole time?"

"Then you help them. We all need to help each other. Instead of thinking about everything animals do for you think about what you do for them and what they appreciate about you." Pina moved closer still, reaching up to caress one of the deer's long ears. "You're not a burden, just as Legosi and Shogi aren't burdens for suffering like you are. No animal is a burden!" Pina's eyes stung and his voice hitched, but he remained firm.

"Did you believe you were?" Louis asked, finally looking up at him.

Pina nodded, looking away. "Every day when my parents neglected to feed me or would talk behind my back. When they carted me off to Cherryton without a word. I felt like I deserved it. I was glad I could be away from them, not because of the abuse I endured, but because I knew I was out of their wool."

"...You didn't deserve any of that," Louis whispered. "But...I feel like I deserve this."

"I know," Pina whispered, moving to cup both of Louis' cheeks, rubbing the dark brown fur. "I know you feel that way, but it's not the truth. You can recognize that I didn't deserve that, so with time and therapy, you can too."

"...So what do I do now?"

"When you're discharged, you get help. You should go back to Legosi. See what you can do for Shogi, but keep your mental health in mind. And remember there's animals that need you." Pina rubbed his fur more, leaning in closer. "And I want you to do something for me, Louis."

"Wh-what?"

The sheep's face moved closer. "When you're well enough, or hell, if you think it'd help...let's all hang out together again. Get Bill, Legosi, Dom and Kai over just like last year. I'd really like that. Could we do that again? Could you do that for me?"

"Uh...I..." the deer blinked. "I can try."

"That's good." Pina smiled, and his body moved on its own. He stood up from his chair, tilting Louis' head up from under his chin and guiding their mouths together. They kissed softly, both of their eyes closed.

Louis' heart raced. He really had no idea what was happening, but...He needed this.

Pina's mind was blank, simply soaking in the feeling.

The deer felt a tear run down his cheek as they kept contact and he took a quavering breath.

Pina moved a hand behind Louis' head, kneading the fur there. He tilted his head and poked his tongue out, feeling the deer's flat teeth.

Louis shuddered on the other end. This was...so different than what he was used to. He didn't understand it. But he welcomed it. What else could he screw up? Who cares about consequences? If he needed this, he was going to let it happen. He just hoped...Legosi never found out, even if they did get back together.

Pina pulled back, pressing their foreheads together as he continued to rub Louis' cheeks with his thumbs. "You're okay and you will be okay. I promise."
The deer just stayed quiet, enjoying the feeling.

The door opened, and two horse nurses came in, rushing forward and grabbing Pina by the shoulders. "Alright. You're getting too handsy with the patient. You weren't supposed to visit so you could make out with him. That's a waste of everybody's time. Come with us."

Louis' eyes had opened by that point and he was frozen, just looking at the nurses.

Pina's hand slowly peeled away from the back of his head, and he went with the nurses willingly, eyes glazed over. He looked over his shoulder to the sad looking deer. "Text me when you get out," he said. And then he was gone.

Louis blinked, as the female deer nurse from before came in. "Come on, Louis. Let's get you back to your room." He was pulled up and they began making their way back. Louis just stared forward, blankly, completely confused as what the hell had just happened.