Chapter 15 - You Can Never Be Forgiven

Later that same day, in the afternoon, Louis was lying on his bed in his room, staring at nothing in particular. His mind was in a complete war with itself. Push this away and be with Legosi again. Hide from Legosi due to shame and horror. He wished he had his phone so he could text Pina. But it was only a few days. He could handle it. Even if he did think he belonged here, Pina did give him a lot to think about.

Suddenly, his nurse came in. "You have another visitor. Aren't you the popular one?"

The deer made a face. "..."

She waved him on and he got up and she escorted him down the hall for the third time. He really hoped it wasn't Legosi again, even though the hospital probably wouldn't let him back in due to his actions.

They reached the door and he was cuffed by another nurse, always hating how the handcuffs were just a little too small around his wrists. The door opened and he walked inside and sat in the chair. His mind continued to race as he played the kiss with Pina back in his head. Part of him wished he and Legosi had done that. Would everything be alright, then? No. He needed time. And help.

A few minutes passed and he stared at the floor, tracing shapes on it with his eye as he awaited nervously. The door finally swung open and in lumbered the large male deer whom Louis despised.

Oguma. His father.

The older animal grunted, crossing his arms. "So, what have you gotten yourself into this time?"

Louis blinked. "I have nothing to say to you or to apologize for."

"I didn't come here looking for an apology. How do you think I felt when I was in the middle of a very important meeting and my secretary told me there's a hospital on the line? I pick up, only to find out my idiot son has been locked up and that I'm required to see him."

The other deer blinked. "Did you know?"

Oguma raised a brow.

"Did you know about Shogi's brother?"

"We've discussed this, L—"

"Did you know he died? Because I wanted to escape so badly that I used Shogi?"

Oguma blinked, taking in the information.

"I was so miserable in that place. I bet you didn't even know I almost killed myself by jumping out of the window."

The stag opened his mouth to speak, but Louis continued.

"Or how about any of the other times I hated my life so much, I tried to take it? You didn't know about that. No one knew about that, because I'm so ashamed to let anyone find out." He took a shaky breath. "Of course, you don't care about that, do you? You don't care about me. This is just another mistake on your list of my mistakes, isn't it?"

Oguma spoke up now. "Louis."

The deer looked at him with pain in his eyes. "Why? Why don't you love me? I don't understand! I know you have high expectations and all, but you were my own family member. You were all I had. I suffered in silence for so long and you never even knew, because you don't love me."

Oguma swallowed. "Louis. Please, let me talk."

"Does it please you to see me here? Locked up, because my brain tells me to hurt myself? Because I can't seem to be happy? Maybe if you had shown me some fucking love in my life time and have me an actual fucking childhood I wouldn't feel this way! This is your fault!"

The older deer exhaled deeply. "You're right. About all of it. I never knew. But...it's not because I don't care about you, Louis."

Louis blinked tears out of his eyes, listening.

"I thought you were stronger than you were. I thought you could handle everything I was throwing at you. My father always taught me that being successful was the ultimate goal in life. He always pushed me to do my best and succeed his company. I was to do the same with you, but I never realized it would affect you like this. And I guess...I never listened, either."

Louis hiccuped. "Locking me up isn't pushing me. It's torture..."

Oguma took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. "I thought you would come to your senses and see that you could do it. That you could become a sublime Beastar and become successful. I got angry at you because I didn't understand why you didn't see how easy it was. If you just followed my instructions, you would be successful. But as a kid, I would try and teach you and you would get distracted with something else. As an adolescent, you would always question what other kids would like and why you couldn't go out and play in the park. As a teenager, you fought against me every chance you got. I even got you into a prestigious school because I knew that would increase your chances of becoming a Beastar. But...Now, seeing you like this, antlerless and weak, I guess I realize you can't do it after all, my son. And I thought I was doing it all for you, to give you the best life you could have, when in reality, all I did was hurt you deeper than anyone I've known. You may have been bought from the black market, but you're still my son and I'm...sorry."

Louis was sobbing by this point, trying to wipe away the tears with his bound hands.

Oguma just sat back, feeling...sick inside. He looked to the side, knowing that this was all his fault. There's no way he would ever be forgiven.

Louis cried for a good while, as was custom of him lately, before he cleared his throat. "Please, please...I'm begging you...Tell me you love me. I need it. I need you to tell me. It's all I've ever wanted from you. To be proud of me and love me...Please, father!"

Oguma felt tears of his own stinging the corners of his eyes. "Louis...I do love you. I'm just not good at showing it. At all. But you do make me proud. After you shot my ear, I was furious and..." He cleared his throat. "Hurt. But, I spent a lot of time thinking after that, I even went to therapy, and...You stood up for yourself that day and you fought for your freedom, even if it was by doing one of the most reckless things imaginable. But you still have a spark, no, a fire in you. I saw it in your eyes. And I know you get that conviction from me...I should never have controlled how you use it." He sighed again. "Louis...Stand up for me."

The young deer immediately did so and for the first time, he felt the buck's arms wrap around him in a loving embrace. "I love you, my son. And I'm proud of you for trying to find your own path. I know you'll never forgive me and I'm sorry, but I...Know you must feel like you're sick, don't you...?"

Louis closed his eyes, nodding against his shoulder.

"I want to help you. I'll pay for your therapy, your food, anything you need me to."

Louis broke down sobbing on his shoulder again. He really needed help.

The large buck rubbed his back in circles. "It's okay, son. You'll be okay."

Louis began to get his breathing under control. "Please pay for my therapy and...can you send checks to Legosi every month? He can't live on his own."

"What? That gray wolf you escaped with?"

"He...was my fiance," Louis whispered. "But...I ended things with him. But I'm begging you, please send him checks every month. Just enough to keep him eating well and alive."

Oguma sighed. "It should be no problem or even a dent in my funds. I won't pry about this wolf, but...Are you telling me that you're into males?"

Louis blinked. "Yes. I am."

The buck collected his thoughts.

Louis cleared his throat. "Would it be too much trouble to ask you to send money to Shogi, too? Please. He's all alone and stays in the dark all day and doesn't clean or do anything anymore. It would really help him and he worked extremely hard to help his brother and he still lost him. He feels worthless."

Oguma felt something change and rearrange inside him. He just wanted to accept every request Louis was giving him and it felt...Good? "I only have one request, son."

"Yes?" Louis' ears twitched and they still remained in their embrace.

"When you are released, will you come have dinner with me back at the Horns building? I promise, you'll be able to leave by the end of it." He gave a very light chuckle and one of his first jokes.

Louis did the same. "I...still don't forgive you for everything you've put me through, but...Even if that's the case, we can start to get better, slowly. And maybe I can start to really consider you my father."

Oguma smiled and he let him go, holding him by the shoulders with a glint in his eyes. Or maybe that was the reflection of the light on his glasses. Either way, Louis smiled a little as well. "Okay, Louis."

The deer sighed. "You should get going. You probably have a lot of work to do."

Oguma nodded. "You're not wrong there. I'm...glad I came to see you. At first, I didn't know why, but...I'm so glad we finally talked and I actually got those words out to you. I love you, son."

Louis looked to the side and nodded. "Thank you, father."

They hugged once more and for the first time, Louis didn't watch someone get dragged out through the door.

His female caretaker came back in and escorted him back to his room after he was uncuffed. Everything was so nice and fuzzy and Louis couldn't stop smiling. He laid down in his bed and curled up into a ball, feeling tears as for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last few days, started sobbing quietly into the crook of his arm. Oguma loved him. Pina cared about him enough to kiss him. Legosi couldn't live without him. He was ready to start his real relationship with his father, and he was excited to text Pina once he got out, but he still needed time before he saw Legosi again.

That night, filled with the warmth and happiness of everything that had conspired, Louis actually got some well-deserved rest.