[The name of my OC is Lydia Romanoff and is made up by me.]
I was sitting where I always decided to sit, in the middle of the row in the back of the classroom.
But I've never felt this unsafe; surrounded by these four walls all by myself.
Every fiber in my whole body was anxiously waiting for Zorin Blitz, who yet not had come. I was afraid, because I had a feeling she knew.
She knew that I'd killed Kevin.
I looked around the room frantically. It was quiet and I felt fear for her bottomless evil.
I was so caught off guard when the door slammed open that I jumped up from my seat and stood up when she actually showed herself.
"Well, girl… Right on time I see." she said, letting the door close by itself after her. She but her hands on her hips, a few steps away from the board.
A few steps away from me.
"Now let's skip the foreplay and give me the news." she said. It was an order but I could notice the corner of her lips curving upwards.
She was still interested in knowing about Kevin's virginity, which meant that she didn't know he was dead yet. But she would never know because he had disappeared along with Schrödinger, who I had shot as well, because he had ordered me to do so. And now I was the last one of the kidnapped from the Hellsing organization who was alive.
"I can't tell you that." I said, but it came out as a whisper and I don't think she heard me.
"Well girl. – Do you have them or not?" she asked, giving me a second chance without losing her temper and I nodded my head dumbly, even though I just had said that I couldn't tell her. My mouth was fixed in an idiotic grin, my eyes were still intent on her – they felt as if they would burst out of my head, and I couldn't turn them away.
"Y-yes, Miss Blitz!" I said and began laughing, louder and louder and I was still staring at her.
At first Zorin was grinning too, but her smirk faded the more I laughed and her expression turned more and more suspicious.
I was about to go more than half-mad, because moments later I did one of the greatest mistakes of my life.
"What has gotten into you, inmate?" she asked, and after Zorin had said that I let out a guffaw as if she had said something very funny. Zorin's expected smirk dropped from her face instantly and I plopped back down on my seat then.
"He!" I exclaimed, now sitting down. Zorin raised an eyebrow.
"What?" she asked bluntly.
"Kevin!" I answered. "Kevin of course, Kevin! Kevin got inside me, because he put his tongue in my mouth." I said in a mannerism that I was intoxicated by something. But not being sober wouldn't change the outcome of this situation.
It all happened so quickly that I could barely understand what was going on, but one thing was certain; it seemed like I had gotten myself a death wish.
She had me pinned to the wall, her huge hand grabbing my throat. The desk in front of me had gotten flipped over to the side. I couldn't feel the floor underneath my feet.
"I should've known it when I felt his smell on you." she growled. I grabbed the arm that was holding my neck with both of my hands, but that only seemed to increase her strength.
"He's not-" I tried to give her the information as a last resort to safety, but even if Zorin got the information she previously wanted, it didn't matter now because she had other things in mind.
My vision blurred and then turned completely blank. Not pitch black, but an eye-piercing white that gave me a headache. I lost any sense of time. It seemed to go on for hours. My ears got clogged, but I could hear voices and screaming and orders and furniture getting tossed around.
It was getting harder and harder for me to breathe.
When I woke up, I noticed that I had something stuck on my face and when I moved one of my hands to check it out, I discovered that something was attached to my arm also.
I was in the infirmary room and my upper body was connected with equipment that I didn't actually know the purpose of. An electric diagram beeped every second and counted my heartbeats. A few cables, transparent and some in different bright colors were attached to my skin with tape. I felt like Frankenstein, lying there on the examination table.
I didn't wear my own clothes. Only a large apron-like shirt with a strange, thin fabric that almost seemed plastic and it was tied to my body with strings.
I sat up slowly and removed the thing from my face that was a respirator and I only hesitated once before I tore off the cables, but I sort of changed my mind when the singular beeps turned into a single long drawn beep that was loud enough to wake a sleeping person.
I examined the strange machine before I found a way to turn it off and let out a sigh of relief when I finally had managed to quiet down the misery.
I looked around me. It seemed like I was surrounded with white sheeting that hung from the ceilings, creating separate "bedrooms" for patients.
Although I did not expect to have the worst neighbors in the entire world. It was mostly my own fault for snooping around.
I would've known long before I peeked underneath the covers of the unmoving body that it was a corpse. I just wasn't ready to see Jack's yellow face. Horror-struck, I sloppily tossed the covers back again over him and backed into another bed.
I don't know why I did it after just experiencing a trauma with dead Jack, but I lifted those covers as well, capturing a glimpse of a bloodied stump on two broad shoulders and I gasped so loud that my voice echoed in the hospital ward. This time, I didn't even bother to put the covers back on properly, so I just threw away the white sheet away from myself like I was holding fire in my hands, and then I leaped out of the district.
When I recognized the white walls of the corridor I almost wanted to return to where I came from. Even though it was a room full of dead people, it gave me the impression that I hadn't woken up inside the zeppelin – this prison.
I didn't know where to go. I didn't know the way to my room from here, and I was afraid of everything that might appear when I turn a corner.
Although I had come to grips with that he was immortal; I was still utterly surprised when I saw Warrant Officer Schrödinger standing before me, in the flesh, unharmed and most importantly alive.
He seemed just as surprised as I was, and he had appeared out of nowhere of course. Without staring at me further, and without saying anything, he came closer to me and slung his half-bare arms around me. His scent buried itself into my pores through the thin hospital-clothes.
His touch wanted to be removed.
Because I had enough. I had enough of everything. Nothing mattered anymore. I felt empty.
I had enough of myself as a human being and as a prisoner and of how weak and fragile and naïve I had been all this time, and was.
I had enough of the captivity, the constant orders and escort. Had enough of the handcuffs and the Swastikas I had enough of Millennium overall and the entire system.
I had enough of the blood and the deaths and the shouting and the threats and the discipline and the evening class and the cold, white never-ending corridors.
I had enough of getting dragged and pulled everywhere and nowhere, getting lost, and getting humiliated and seduced and harassed.
Getting felt and touched and getting avoided and ignored.
I had enough of Warrant Officer Schrödinger, who put me in hard times, who left me in hard times and who were there for me in hard times – Who was the reason for most of everything.
I couldn't stand the feeling of his hands on my body. I couldn't take this anymore. All the fibers in my body revolted. I was the lowest form of life on earth, but I would not let that fact hold me back anymore.
I was the last trainee of Hellsing Organization, and I was for a reason.
I screamed like I was wounded, and entangled Schrödinger from me; kicking, hitting and pushing him until he loosened his arms. When I was certain that he no longer was touching me, I calmed myself down just enough to talk to him without raising my voice, but my blood was running fiercely through my veins, and I didn't have a single compassionate bone in my body. I was one step away from breaking free from the fear that was controlling me.
I looked at him and he looked at me. It was always like this. The two of us alone in the vast corridor.
"I trusted you." I said, and just hearing those words from myself set me off.
"I trusted you! This is your fault! You've turned me mad!" I shouted, showing him the marks on my throat.
Schrödinger took a step back with a look of confusion and almost fear in his eyes.
"Eve, I just assumed that-"
"That Zorin would be pleased with my lies? What is wrong with you, Schrödinger?!" I asked angrily, feeling a part of me die with those words.
He was just staring at me without answering so I pushed him out of his ignorance, repeatedly whilst shouting: "What is wrong with you?"
"Eve, calm down." Schrödinger said timidly, this time allowing me to push him without interfering like he had done before in my room, maybe because he thought he deserved to be treated this way.
"You tricked me! You did this on purpose!" I couldn't stop pushing him. I was so angry. All my emotions that had filled me up since day one flooded over. My storm of emotions was unstoppable.
"Stop, Lydia." Schrödinger ordered, using my biological name.
"OR WHAT!?" I screamed, stopping walking towards and pushing his body. "What are you going to do?" I asked. "Hurt me? Hurt yourself? Put a knife in someone or shoot them?" I asked shamelessly. My fury made all this okay, even though I was aware that he'd done these things in some sick way of showing emotions that weren't supposed to be in him.
He looked down at his feet, not having anything to say. But his pretty little head darted back up again when I asked more contentedly, almost kindly: "Or will you disappear?"
Schrödinger's eyes widened as his pink orbs looked at me in a sorrowful misunderstanding, even though I was certain that he understood. The smirk had been gone for a long time, but now, not even the tiniest trace of a smile could be seen on his face. At the same time he appear as a bit pathetic and above all, human with sweating and speechlessness.
"Go on, Schrödinger's cat. Disappear." I said, but he looked like a confused dog hearing a command he didn't know how to perform.
"As I thought." I said. "Why would you take orders from me? I'm just an inmate." I said and looked away from his detached stare with a sniff. "I wish that my bullet had left you dead together with Kevin." I whispered, and I'm one hundred times certain that those words are the cruelest words I've ever spoken in my life.
We had been standing like that for a long time. Feeling like I'd said everything my heart and mind desired, I was waiting for him to respond.
The silence had existed for so long that it had turned stiff and awkward.
"Parents, nor love of children…" Schrödinger suddenly began talking, without moving from where he stood and without lips smiling. It sounded like he was reading something written down on a paper. The German coated his words, the "R" getting noticed in the back of his throat like a cat purr. But despite the stereotypes, it didn't sound harsh.
"What?" I asked, not understanding how what he'd said had to do with anything, but he continued like I hadn't said anything.
"But passion drove her" he said softer whilst his ears tilted back on his head. I decided to continue listen then, even though I was still upset, because I didn't want to miss out on anything. He continued with a sharp, clear voice, his posture straightening like a flower bathing in sunshine, the German barely getting noticed in his voice. "and I would rather see her supple walk and the sparkle of her face than all the chariots of Millennium and foot-soldiers in arms." he finished, glossy gaze avoiding mine as they instead looked at the distance over my shoulder (not because he wanted that himself, but because he wouldn't want his unnatural emotions to be seen).
He was finally allowing himself to smile.
"It's Sappho." he explained without me asking. "She was a Greek lyric poet, and she was in love with a woman."
He let out a little chuckle.
"So perhaps you think it's a bit curious that I picked this, out of everything…"
He continued laughing carefully at his choice, but his eyes did not follow.
"But I picked it because it was so accurate."
I felt my broken heart beat anew.
"Schrödinger." I said carefully.
He looked at me, at last.
"So accurate."
And then he disappeared.
I needed to talk to someone. Anyone.
I was banging on the door to the Doctor's office.
"What do you think you're doing?"
A guard who appeared on my right grabbed my arm to stop me from vandalizing the door.
"I need to talk to the doctor." I say.
"He's not taking in any visitors." the soldier informs me in a surprisingly kind voice.
"What's the matter?" he asks me softly, and I look at him with eyes huge as plates, immediately feeling like I can trust him.
"He disappeared." I whispered to him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. The man looks disturbed.
"What?" he asked with a confusion you can almost touch.
"Calm down a little." he said and made me let go of his shirt, and as soon as he did that, I began banging on the door again.
Before the soldier can stop me this time, the door actually opens and the doctor appears in the doorway. As soon as I recognized him, I almost threw myself over him.
"I need your help." I said desperately.
The soldier watched us all the time, not sure what to expect.
I didn't know either.
"A question has been lingering in my mind for a while, my dear." Doctor says, handing me a blanket.
When I cover my body with it, he kneels down in front of me and looks at me directly.
"Why are you so afraid?"
When he sees the little frown on my face, he continues: "One would think that members of the Hellsing Organization would be much more familiar with blood and death."
"They were my friends." I said. "And I was in the service committee, as were the rest of them. Only Ann and Berry had some knowledge in the military area, but nothing serious. At the end of it all we were all just confused and inexperienced… children."
I sniffed and looked away.
"Violence wasn't common on our daily basis. The closest to gore we got to was when they made us clean the military dressing rooms and the toilets." I chuckle at the memories and wipe my eyes with my sleeve.
Doc smiles at me, grateful for my honesty.
"How was your day?" he asked. It was just because he wanted to change focus onto something else.
"I killed Schrödinger. " I said without blinking. "I made his head explode." I look back at him and the corners of his mouth turn downhill in a dumfounded manner.
"Then I made him disappear again." I said, and the will to panic and cry comes back to me.
"Well…" he begins with a little chime in there, as in trying to find something positive in all of this. It sort of worked to make me feel better, and I wanted to tell him everything.
"Kevin…" I began. "Kevin Leyton. The receptionist Kevin."
"Ah. That tall gangly lad." Doc remembers.
"I killed him too." I said, and the tears return to my throat. "I'm next. Zorin must want me dead after this." I cried.
"If Zorin wanted you dead, she would never let you be saved. She could've killed you easily if she wanted to."
My eyes widen at the new voice. When I turn around, I see Schrödinger, busy examining some of Doctors medicine bottles on a shelf.
I stand up then, the blanket dropping to the floor. I hesitate in the last when I see Doctor look at me curiously at how I reacted seeing Schrödinger. His very own creation. His kid. His masterpiece.
"You're here." was all that came out from me. Schrödinger didn't look at me.
"No one can make me disappear, no matter their method." he mumbled. Predictable enough, he striked an arrow and attacked my soul with those words that was meant to harm in their own way.
"Schrödinger is impossible to get rid off. Same goes for Zorin and the rest of us." The Doctor brags and examines Schrödinger who picks up a little tool from the shelf. He looks at me through a magnifying glass.
"I see you're here as well, Eve." he said, almost bitterly.
"In all brilliance." The Doctor adds, also standing up.
"She is the only one who still lives in their little group. One yarn has ended. This side-mission seems to have failed, although quite a lot have provided us with some fine entertainment."
"It's been fun alright." Schrödinger sounds sarcastic when he puts down the tool on the shelf again.
"What were you planning to do with us?" I asked Doc, who appeared beside me.
"To put it shortly, we needed a stack of lab rats." he informs with disappointed features in his face. "But now there's no time for any of that since our time is getting nearer and nearer, and our rats has gotten eaten up by our house cat. And you've been through quite a few experiments already, haven't you missy?" he asks and looks down at me with a smile.
"Don't look so frightened. This side mission is merely an incomplete and unsuccessful idea in which you no longer have to be part of. There are more important things to focus on from here on." he says, and I have no idea what to feel after hearing this information. "Isn't that so, Schrödinger?"
I look down at my feet, not knowing why I felt so empty inside.
When knowing about the plan of keeping us here and letting us die one at a time all landed in Doc's lab-human hobby, it all had made me exhausted and, amazingly enough, disappointed.
This was nothing more than an activity for a restless doctor who had had way too much time on his hands. This had been completely unnecessary, for both Hellsing and Millennium. This was mind-numbing.
I wish I never had gotten this information, so I could believe and speculate about greater and more meaningful things, so that all the deaths of my friends had been sacrifices for something vital.
I wish I had died first.