Chapter 16 - Nothing to Be Ashamed Of
Pina disembarked the train for the second time that day, lips still tingling from the kiss he shared with Louis. He held his fingers to them, thinking. It was true the sheep had developed feelings for the deer since the night they opened up to one another, but he never expected to do anything about it. He was always polyamorous, but he wasn't sure what Bill would think. And he knew Legosi would never be okay with it, even if they were apart now.
He felt guilty once the Hidden Condo came into view. I'm sorry, Legosi. He was just hurting so much.
Pina walked in, waving to the receptionist who waved back. He was used to animals remembering him.
His heavy boots stomped up the numerous flights of stairs, his prosthetic creaking in protest. He was nervous, to say the least. He hadn't ever been alone with Legosi since officially befriending him, and today was going to be under unfortunate circumstances. At least Louis seemed better than the wolf described to him.
Finally, the sheep arrived in front of the door of room 504. He knocked on the door. Silence. He knocked again. Nothing. Pina tapped his foot and went for the doorknob, surprised to find it unlocked. He slowly pushed the door open.
The room smelled rank, like wet canine. Two bags of dirty clothes lay nearby. Light streamed through the window and illuminated a large futon, which seemed to have been flipped upside down, as the part that should be on the floor was facing up. He approached it, cautiously. He could hear soft breathing from under the lump in the covers.
"...Legosi?"
Pina kneeled down, placing a hand on the lump, thankful that what he touched was warm. The lump moved a bit, and Legosi's snout poked out.
"Legosi..."
The wolf sniffed, and in a flash he reached out and grabbed the sheep, pulling him under the covers.
"Woah! Legosi!"
Legosi sniffed him deeply. "Louis...you came back...I knew you would." He started to lick his face and neck.
"N-no, Legosi! It's me, Pina! Legosi!" Pina tried desperately to push him away, but Legosi just held on tighter.
"Louis...I forgive you. I forgive you just please, please stay. Don't run away again."
Pina inhaled sharply, tears threatening to burst once again today. "L-Legosi...it's Pina."
The wolf's slobbery kisses slowed as he woke up. He stopped and held Pina out at arm's length. "Oh...Pina I'm...I'm sorry..."
"It's fine." Pina sat up, looking down at him.
Legosi stayed under the covers, looking up at the sheep sleepily. "You...smell like Louis."
"I went to see him today."
The canine jolted up. "What? You did! What did he say! How was he!"
Pina held his hands up. "C-calm down. He's hurting really bad now, but he knows he needs to get therapy. He says he loves you, but he's not ready to be back with you."
Legosi's ears rotated as he processed his information. "He...he's not mad at me?"
"Of course not, Legosi. He's mad at himself. He doesn't think he's good enough for you and thinks you're better off without him. He loves you still." Pina bit his lip, trying not to recall the kiss they shared.
The wolf looked down, nodding to himself. "Okay...okay...so...he might come back."
Pina placed an arm on his right shoulder. "I think so. He just needs time. But you two are just...too good a couple to just end that way. I think it'll be okay."
Legosi turned and hugged Pina tightly. "Thank you, Pina! Thank you for telling me!"
"Y-you're welcome, big guy!" Pina brought his hands up to hold Legosi's biceps. His right hand felt something sticky. He retracted it, noting dark, semi-dried blood.
The dog's ears folded back when he saw it. "Oh...sorry..."
"Let me see." Pina took that strong arm of his and stretched it out, gasping the long, jagged scars running down it. It was still wet in some places. "Are you disinfecting it? This needs to be dressed properly!"
Legosi's ears just folded more.
"O-oh, sorry!" He cupped his cheek with his clean hand. "It's really okay. I understand. I used to do stuff like this."
"R-really?"
Pina stood up and undid his skinny jeans, pulling them down so his thighs were exposed. Legosi's eyes widened at the sheer number of criss-crossed scars visible beneath the wool.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Legosi, but it isn't healthy, either." He pulled his pants back up. "Let me go get some things. I bet the front desk as a first aid kit." Pina gave the wolf an affectionate pet on the head before he left.
Great. He's just as bad as I feared. I'm not sure if I can handle this all by myself. Pina made the trip back downstairs, stopping at the reception area and grabbing a first aid kit from behind the counter. The receptionist asked no questions, as was custom in the Hidden Condo. The sheep trudged back up to Legosi's room.
The wolf hadn't moved and was simply staring straight ahead. Pina set the first aid kit on the table and had Legosi sit on the chair there. He got to work quickly, cleaning out the wounds and disinfecting them, noting the white fizz bubbling from it. If Legosi felt any pain, he didn't indicate it aside from slight winces.
"So...you're feeling pretty shitty about this whole thing, I imagine." Pina was trying to make conversation, but he felt he probably could have picked better words.
Understandably, Legosi just stared straight ahead.
"You eating? Drinking?"
The canine simply shrugged.
Pina took the bandage roll and wrapped it all around Legosi's arm and stepped back to observe his work. "What do you think?"
Legosi stared down at it. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Pina stared at this weak, dried out husk of the animal he used to remember. Legosi was reserved, sure, but when he and Louis got together he started to make jokes and laugh and smile. It was beautiful. Would Louis come running back if he saw the light had been extinguished in this bright young man? Unfortunately, Louis didn't have access to his phone right now, and Pina didn't want to invade Legosi's privacy by telling anybody what he saw in here today.
He moved the sad dog to the couch, sitting him down and turning the TV on. He pulled his phone out. "Here, I'll order us some takeout. Any suggestions?"
The wolf shrugged again, as was his communication method now.
Pina noted there was a ramen shop called Bebebe close by, so he chose that.
They sat there in silence, watching nature documentaries side by side. Pina went and fetched the food once it came and brought it back, eating on the couch with him. Once that was done Pina reached for the wolf's large hand, squeezing it as they sat, just soaking in each others' company.
Legosi looked over at Pina, appreciating his presence. The feeling of another animal there was comforting, even if it couldn't be Louis. He took in the young sheep's features, noting he was a very attractive male herbivore. But even then, Legosi couldn't force himself to feel anything for him other than friendship.
It was dusk when Pina finally got up to leave. He hugged Legosi tightly.
"Just text me if you need anything, okay, big guy? I know you'll pull through with this. Talk to me if you ever feel like hurting yourself again. And if you go through with it again, please try to make it minimal and clean it out properly." He pulled back from the wolf, noting the longing look in his eyes.
"Thank you, Pina. For everything."
"Don't mention it. We're friends! Friends help each other."
And once again, Legosi was alone.
Before bed he made a trip to the bathroom, deciding to forgo a shower so he didn't have to rebandage his arm. Sebun came to check on him when he came back to his room, but she soon left after that. Legosi fell onto the futon, bringing Louis' pillow against his chest. He sniffed it deeply.
"I'm so sorry, Legosi," Louis spoke into his ear.
"I know. I forgive you, Louis. You're such a good animal. I'm not too good for you. We need each other." Tears fell from the wolf's eyes.
"I know, hon. Don't worry." Legosi felt phantom hands trail across his back. "I won't leave you again."
"Thank you."
Legosi drifted off to sleep, embracing his lover in his mind.
Pina had taken a piece of paper from Legosi's room with him, marching back down to the reception desk to borrow a pen. He wrote quickly on it and asked where Shogi's room was. After locating it, he gave the door a few knocks, and when he didn't get a reply he slid the note under the door.
Inside, the sheep slowly looked over, noting the neat piece of paper contrasting with the unkempt trash everywhere. He crawled over to it, opening the door just the slightest bit to let in enough light to read it.
Hello, Shogi-san!
You don't know me, but I know Louis and Legosi. And I know your situation. I'm writing this letter to tell you they want very badly to help you, but must sort some things out for themselves first. Just please remember there are animals out there that care about you and want you to get better.
Also, I also went through the death of a brother that I blamed myself for years over. If you need someone to talk to about it, I'm available. My number is 555-192-0214
- Pina the Dall sheep 3