Chapter 20 - Always Something to Live For

Before he did anything else, Louis cleaned up the apartment. He cleaned up all the trash and added the clothes on the floor to the dirty clothes bags against the wall.

As he was doing so, he opened the trash and found that there were bloody bandages in there, which made him take a step back and just...stand there.

Soon after, he continued working, realizing there was no way he could clean the bloodstains off of the futon and that he'd have to deal with it later.

Last but not least, he did the laundry, having to take multiple trips to do so since he was alone now. Alone...What a horrible feeling.

After he was done, he finally thought to check his phone. Pina had messaged him.

Pina: hey thats fine. should i come another time? u ok?

Louis: I went to see Legosi.

Pina: how that go

Louis: Now he's institutionalized…

Pina: holy shit what did he do?

Louis: He clawed up his arms. When I got there, there were red gashes and he collapsed.

Pina: oh no. he had scars on his arm when i visited. im sorry i didnt tell u i wanted to respect hs privacy

Louis: I just hate how alone he is. And how alone I am.

Pina: is he ok? when can we visit him

Louis: I'm assuming tomorrow. I wish I had never started all of this. I regret it more than anything.

Pina: hey what happened happened. all we can do now is do our best. if anything you guys can get help now

Louis: Life sucks.

Pina: still don't want me to come over? where r u

Louis: I'm back home. I brought all my stuff with me.

Pina: do u need time alone

Louis: I think that would do me some good. Especially after that. I promise, I won't harm myself over this.

Pina: its good. keep in touch please

Louis: I'll do my best.

After that, he threw his phone down and laid where the bloodstain wasn't, looking at the ceiling. Things could only get better from here, right?

Time passed nebulously. Silently. The peace was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Legosi?" The sound of a woman's voice.

It sounded familiar. The deer didn't say anything, though.

More knocking. "Legosi? Remember I told you I won't leave unless you tell me you're alright. I'll come in if you don't answer."

Louis turned on his side. He had locked the door earlier, right? Yeah, he did. At least, he thought he did.

Click. Nope. The door swung open, and small footsteps pattered on the ground. "Woah! Who are you!?"

The deer looked up, the eyepatch giving him away.

Sebun stood there, her shock soon turning to relief. "O-oh, Louis! I didn't know you were back! Thank god!"

"Hello, Sebun-san. Yeah, I'm back..." he sighed.

The small sheep looked around. "So, where's the other half?"

"The hospital."

She looked down at the ground with wide eyes. "Oh no...did he hurt himself again?"

"He did. I never thought he'd be the one who really needed help..." He pulled his legs to his chest. "I feel so powerless."

Sebun walked over, hopping up on the couch and sighing. "Well, you're getting him help now. That's something you were able to do."

"Once I heard that he hurt himself, there was no way I could consciously let myself stay away any longer. This whole thing was a fucked up mess."

"Yes, but you're working to fix it. That's important." She looked down, observing the antlerless deer. "What about you? Are you going to get help?"

"I am. I'm going to start going to therapy and talking to someone." Louis looked down at his ring. "I just can't stop feeling sick at my actions."

"I reckon that's normal..." Sebun sighed. Here she was playing the role of 'put together adult' again. "Hey...Louis. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"How...long have you been suicidal?"

"A while now. I've attempted multiple times, but never went through with it. I always thought the world was better off without me, but now there's someone who needs me. Truly needs me."

Sebun nodded. "I see...that makes sense. These past few days taking care of Legosi...they've made me feel better, oddly."

"You must have been pissed at me for leaving him. I bet everyone, even Gosha, was."

"I tried to be mad at you...but I saw too much of myself in you. I just recently realized I'm suicidal, too..." Sebun had brought her knees to her chest, hugging them close. She looked over to the window.

"You...are?"

She nodded. "I...ignored it for so long. Just going on with my life. But...every day I ride the hybrid car full of large carnivores. Every day I was compelled to...even though there were perfectly good small breed herbivore cars with plenty of space. Riding that car...even moving here recently...I realized I stopped taking my safety seriously. I realized I'm just waiting for the day a meat-hungry carnivore eats me up."

Louis looked at her. "Life sucks. But...I think..." He looked to the window, just as she had. "There's always something to live for."

"...Yeah." Sebun's voice was quiet. "Just taking care of Legosi those few days...having such a big animal rely on me so genuinely...I rode the herbivore car today because I knew if...if I died and couldn't come check on him today he'd...he could..." She wiped her eyes with her cardigan.

"I understand. I've never seen him like this. I want to cry, but I've cried so much lately, I just can't. Part of me didn't even want to call anyone and figure this out together, but that's too much of a risk."

"Well!" Sebun's voice was suddenly cheerful as she clapped her small hands together. "Looks like we're all more or less introduced now! When Legosi comes back I'd love to have a get together or something. Maybe even meet other neighbors because I'm new here..."

"Hmm...Maybe we can throw a celebration and invite all the residents?"

"There's an idea. Not that I could pay for it since I got demoted." She turned to look at Louis, once again. "Maybe I'm being too forward, but...it's not very often you see a...carnivore and herbivore couple that are both guys...how'd that come about?"

Louis sighed, smiling. He took his time, telling her the detailed story of how they met and got to where they are now, wildly gesticulating with his hands throughout the whole thing.

Needless to say, Sebun sat there speechless for a few moments. When she did speak, all she could offer was; "Wow..."

"It's a lot, I know."

"That was...It's almost like something you'd read. I didn't know stories like that happened in real life..."

"Haha! Neither did I!"

"Still waiting for my fairytale love story and I'm 29," the sheep muttered.

"It will come, don't worry," Louis grinned.

"I just hope you two can recover from this. Hearing about your past, I'm sure you can." Sebun looked guilty as she stared down, fiddling with her long skirt. "When you two first moved in...I thought maybe Legosi was manipulating you or hurting you...I'm really glad I was wrong."

"You did? Why?"

"Well, let's just say the carnivores in my life aren't...the greatest." She huffed. "I was so caught up in my prejudices I put them on Legosi. Also, the fact that when we officially met, you had that awful limp...I thought he was being rough with you and not considering your physicality."

"Erm...I only had that limp because..." He blushed. "Eheh..."

Sebun held her hand up. "I know, I know. I heard you two." She laughed, softly. "But having gotten to know the guy...I can't imagine him hurting a fly...it's really something..."

"He's never really hurt me..." Louis said.

"Just himself..." the other herbivore mused.

"...Yeah." Louis put his face in his hands. "And now they think he's suffering from meat withdrawal because I lied so they wouldn't separate us when he got out!"

"You think they'd separate you?"

"Especially because we're dealing with carnivores here...I thought lying would keep us together..."

Sebun made a face. "How did Legosi feel about it?"

"They sedated him...Oh god, do you think I should call them and tell them the truth? They might be treating him badly there!"

"Well, he obviously didn't kill anyone. They probably just think he ate some meat from the Black Market. But they'll probably detain him if they think he's a danger to others..."

"So what should I do!"

"I think they need to know the real reason he self harmed. That way they can get him the correct help." Sebun puffed her chest out, feeling wise.

"Then I'll call them!" He was already pulling his phone out. "...But I don't know the number or the hospital he's at."

She shrugged. "Probably the closest large-breed carnivore hospital to here."

Louis looked that up on his phone and called the number. "Please pick up..." He found himself listening to an automated voice telling him to pick numbered options. He navigated through the menu, getting to the appropriate wing of the hospital Legosi was most likely to be taken.

"Hello, this is the desk of the General Large-Breed Canine Hospital. My name is Clara, may I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Louis the red deer. I called for an ambulance earlier today and I was wondering if they took Legosi the grey wolf there?"

"One sec." The sound of clicking, typing, and gum chewing filled the silence.

He awaited, hopefully, looking at Sebun for no particular reason.

The small sheep gave him two thumbs up. She found it funny that she was still even there, having no obligation to be.

"Ooookay. Looks like he was admitted in two hours ago. You were his neighbor, correct?"

"Actually, that information is false. I'm his fiance."

"...You said you were Louis?"

"I am."

There was a long pause, and Sebun buried her face in her cardigan. "...Did you panic when the paramedics arrived?"

"I didn't."

"...Was there a reason you gave false information?"

"I just...didn't want them to separate us when he got out. He has never eaten meat in his life or hurt anyone. What happened was, I had a little episode of myself and I...broke things off with him and I guess he was so hurt by the separation that he felt he needed to harm himself. We're back together now, but I don't want animals thinking he ate meat. He never ate meat!"

More silence, followed by typing. "Alright, well that changes things. He'll need to be moved to another room..." She sighed again. "Louis-san, as medical practitioners we need the most accurate information on our patients we can get. I understand your hesitation regarding your relationship, but everyone here puts their opinions on certain lifestyle choices behind them when they're working. It's good you called us, but in the future keep that in mind."

"Oh, thank you. When can I visit him? Tomorrow?"

"We'll call you, but yes probably tomorrow. It'll be much sooner now that we know this isn't a meat-withdrawal case. You can talk to his doctor about his release and such as well."

"Thank you so much," Louis sighed. "Please, please, take care of him."

"Rest assured, Louis-san, your fiance is in good hands here. You'll see him soon. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"No. No, thank you. Have a good day." He hung up.

Sebun wiped her brow with a 'whew', despite not doing anything. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better."

"Glad to hear it!" Sebun got to her feet, glancing down at the blood-stained futon. "What are you going to do about that, though?"

"Bleach? I'm not sure. I'm just so happy I'll be able to see him tomorrow. I bet he's really scared there..."

"Ohh don't say it." The small woman held her hands to her temples. "I don't even wanna think about that."

"Hey! He's my fiance! Imagine how I feel!...Imagine how he felt..."

Sebun turned heel and pointed a finger straight at Louis. "When you get that boy back, you stay by him! Hold him tight and never let go, or so help me I'm going to beat your ass!"

"I could use a good ass beating, to be honest."

"Well, I'm next door." Sebun sighed, stretching her arms. "Whew! Just had to get that out. I'm going to lay down with a nice glass of wine now. See you later."

"Come back any time. Thanks for taking good care of him when he needed it most. If you weren't there...imagine what he might have done..."

Sebun simply waved him off as she stepped out, as if saying 'it was nothing.'

Louis laid back and looked at the ceiling. Thank god...That was close.