Hello my wonderful and patient peeps!
I know I said I would post soon and here it is!
YAY! *crowd cheers*
But with good news comes bad.
So I am moving house for reasons. but just found out that I may be out of internets for a while
(thanks to gvt NBN not connecting on the street we are moving to.)
So, my beta still has three chappys and is trying to get them to me to finish and post before Friday.
I am hoping to have these polished and posted before I move.
Now don't fear. I will still try and keep finishing it. offline. *gasp*
And I plan on visiting my dear mother to hijack her internets to post. Mwahahaha.
So HUGE apologies in advance. This is not what I intended but even our internet provider is sad for us and the soon to be no internet.
So I will keep writing and when I do come back online will hopefully be able to post the rest.
Send me love in ways of reviews or PM's.
But I wanted to let you know that I am not abandoning you on purpose. I will find internets as best I can to keep you updated on this story.
The ending is already written. And oh its a beauty! - we are a ways off still.

XOXO
Natstar

SHATTER ME

Chapter 22

The morning sun streamed through the large bay windows, across the bench seat where Crookshanks lay stretched out, sunning his belly. The light flickered across the bed where Sirius and Hermione lay arm in arm. Hermione absently traced circles over Sirius's chest, his brow creased in thought.

"What are you thinking about Princess?" he asked, capturing her hand with his, stilling the movement. Hermione turned her head smiling at him as he brought her hand to his lips, kissing each of her fingertips watching as the crease disappeared.

"I didn't realise you were awake" she snuggled in closer to him. Sirius snorted, "Princess, you have been drawing those damned circles since the crack of dawn. It drives a man to distraction."

"Oh," Hermione frowned again.

"Sweetheart, what are you thinking inside that lovely head of yours?" He shifted sitting up against the pillows to better look upon the beautiful witch in his arms, in her bed, presently thinking a thousand things.

"Was it because of last night?" He pressed. Hermione's gaze flicked briefly towards him and away as she shifted next to him slightly. When she didn't answer he raised his brow waiting as she reluctantly looked back. She huffed a sigh.

"Well, yes- partly. But I was actually considering how to tell Harry. About us I mean." She deflected. She moved again, trying to move away, only to be stopped as Sirius's arm around her refused to let her bolt from the conversation he wanted them to have.

"Tell Harry what exactly?" He asked mildly.

"Everything. Sirius, I- I want to show him my memories. All of them."

This time both brows shot up. "All of them?"

Hermione sat up, blushing. "No! Not those, what we did. But all the rest." She brushed her hair from her face to look at him earnestly, despite her flushed cheeks. "I think he at least deserves to know what fully happened that night, when I disappeared into the past."

She looked at him, watching as he considered her case. Yes they were her memories, but they were not all hers. Her experiences and interactions with Sirius meant that he deserved a chance to consider the offer. He knew that Harry was under a lot of pressure from Dumbledore and the secret project he was giving the boy. Despite being his Godfather, even Harry had said that this was a matter of utmost secrecy. He suspected that he had told Hermione, he would have been stupid not to; though she gave nothing away. Which brought him back to her proposal about their proposal, and he understood. "You want to show him the memories of his parents."

"And us. Sirius, Harry isn't going to accept this without understanding how it truly started. All he really knows right now was that the first time I met you, was as a convict, then as Harry's Godfather. He doesn't know you were five when you first met me, or that you had a lifetime falling in love with me" She grinned at the last.

He smirked, "It was always love at first sight Princess." Stroking her bare shoulder, as his other hand drew her closer. She closed her eyes at his touch, enjoying the sensations. Sirius knew she was still waiting for an answer, he sighed, "You can ask, but let the decision be his Sweetheart."

"Thank you," she said relieved. She kissed his chest, "I better get up. I need to go to the library still." She tried to move but Sirius still had his arm around her.

"Not until we discuss last night, and why my room now looks like it was taken to the beach and thrown around in the sand and the waves." Hermione tried to turn away, but Sirius stilled her, lifting her chin with his free hand to look at him.

"Princess, talk to me." He pleaded. He watched the emotions flash on her face; uncertainty and fear, shame. She sighed heavily, tears welling in her eyes "I- I just feel so stupid. Th- that I still can't control them. My dreams. M-my nightmares."

"You are not weak, Sweetheart. And you are definitely not stupid." He crooned, drawing his arms around her as hot tears fell down her cheeks. "You are the brightest, most beautiful and kindest witch that I know. You have been through so much in such a short space of time." He soothed. He held her stroking her hair, allowing her to regain her emotions and composure.

"It will get better?" She asked timidly, breaking the silence.

"It will get better love. I promise." Kissing her temple, finally letting her go. She climbed out of bed, petting Crookshanks before heading into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Sirius stayed in the bed long enough to hear the water start before getting up and working out where to start with putting his room back together.

VVVVVVVV

As it was a Saturday and a Hogsmeade weekend the castle was almost empty, students only entering the great hall long enough to grab a pile of toast and enjoy the first warm sunny day. Hermione's stomach grumbled loudly as she joined the few sitting at the Gryffindor table.

"Forget to eat yesterday?" Harry quipped, pulling the dishes towards her so she could reach them. Hermione's cheeks tinged pink slightly, remembering the previous day's events.

"Something like that" She mumbled as she began to fill her plate. She and Sirius had agreed not to say anything to anyone about her condition. And Sirius reluctantly agreed with Hermione that they wouldn't announce their engagement publicly as the backlash would be severe. It was only after she explained what had happened in her fourth year and the hate mail that Sirius agreed realising that people would still send through dangerous goods, despite the strict mail policy that was still in place.

"Are you okay from yesterday?" Harry's question brought her back to the present, as her stomach growled loudly again. She added yoghurt to the fruit she selected. "Yes. No. I mean, sort of." She answered distractedly spooning scrambled eggs over the yoghurt and fruit, with a healthy dose of ketchup. "Can you please pass the Kippers and black pudding Harry?"

Harry reluctantly complied watching, slightly horrified as these were added on top before mixing it on the plate. Harry wasn't the only one staring at Hermione; Neville sitting opposite turned a shade of green as she poured pumpkin juice over the whole thing before digging in, groaning as she ate. Even Ron, who was seated on the other side of Harry looked on in disgusted fascination. Until this moment he had been the one most known for strange and bizarre eating habits.

"Er, good breakfast Hermione?" Harry asked; his own breakfast left half eaten as his appetite left him watching Hermione eat what he could only think of as vomit on a plate. Hermione nodded, not noticing the looks of disgust of those directly around her.

"I'll be in the library if you need me," She said, wiping her mouth demurely with a napkin, she missed Ron nudging Harry.

"Would it be OK if we join you? I still have that essay Professor McGonagall set us." Harry asked.

"And who by 'we' do you mean?" She looked sharply at Harry. Harry just sighed, "Me and Ron."

Hermione leaned back to look past Harry at Ron, whose face was reddening under her scrutiny. Unsure of what to do, he gave her a half smile and waved. She looked back at Harry and shrugged, "The library is public space. Whether I will help him with his homework or not depends on if he has stopped being a prat."

Harry watched as she got up and left, saying hello to Ginny and Luna who had just walked in, pausing to chat with both of them before leaving the hall.

"Well, she didn't say no," Harry turned to his best friend.

"But what did she just eat?" Ron asked Harry. Harry shrugged trying not to keep the image in his mind. Harry was unable to answer as they scrambled away from Neville, who began vomiting up his own breakfast, which looked uncannily like what Hermione had just eaten.

VVVVVVV

They found Hermione sitting in her favourite seat near the back of the library. It was one of the farthest tables from where Madam Pince, the Librarian normally prowled, so were able to talk a little more freely, provided you weren't too loud. Hermione was currently hidden behind two large and heavy texts she had charmed to float before her as she scribbled notes onto an ever increasing roll of parchment.

"Hey Hermione," Ron greeted her as he dropped his bag on a chair. She paused, and the books parted as she lifted her wand magically clearing space for the boys to sit. She gave them both a small smile as she went back to her notes.

"So where are you stuck with the essay?" She asked them as she charmed a third book to float before her as she rifled through the pages to the page she was looking for.

"All of it." They both answered in unison. Hermione snorted and pushed the floating books aside as she pulled a pile of notes out of a stack and held them out to the boys. "These are my class notes on the topic. Use your own words, but they will make it easier for you to understand the theory Professor McGonagall outlined in class."

"Thanks a million Hermione!" Harry grinned at her pulling the notes over so he and Ron could read through them together.

"Aren't you doing the assignment too?" Ron asked as he unpacked his bag.

"I already handed it in. Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Lavender?" Hermione countered as she made a notation on her notes.

"You already handed it in?" Ron looked at her in surprise. Hermione gave him a sharp look, "I completed nearly all of my theory work for all my classes before I came back to Hogwarts, when I couldn't do any magic."

"But if you did all the theory why are you even going to classes?" Ron pressed, still baffled at Hermione's dedication to schoolwork even after knowing her for six years.

"Because as much as I studied hard, there are still things that the teachers, well most teachers; tell you that doesn't come out of a book." She answered him.

"Wow, this is a first." Harry grinned at Ron. "Hermione admitting not everything you learn comes from books." Both chuckled as they opened their books and settled in to write their essays.

They worked in near silence for two hours, the boys occasionally asking a question and then begged for Hermione to proofread their essays. She handed them back to the boys to correct the mistakes she pointed out to them, and continued with her own studies.

"Done!" Ron said relieved. Dropping his quill and stretching out. Harry had already finished his and was now working on training notes for their upcoming Quidditch game. He looked up at Hermione who now seemed to have five different books slowly floating around her head, the parchment she was writing on had grown so long it had rolled off the edge of the desk, nearly touching the floor.

"What are you working on Hermione?" Harry turned his head to read the spines of the books as they moved past.

"No, I'm not hungry. You can go if you want. I have to finish this." Hermione answered distractedly as she continued to write.

"Hermione, I didn't say anything about lunch." Harry said baffled.

"Though lunch does sound like a really great idea," Ron muttered.

"What's a great idea?" Hermione asked, moving the books to reference something before adding further notes.

"Hermione, what are you working on?" Harry pressed, pulling one of the books away from her face. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do as the charm suspending not only that one meant all of them tumble around her.

"Harry! What is the matter with you?" She stood up and began picking up the strewn books. Ron and Harry hurried to help pick up the books. Ron turned one over reading the text.

"Hold on. This isn't anything we studied. This is about time magic." He looked up at Hermione. "Why are you studying time magic?"

Hermione slammed the books she had back onto the table and snatched the one from Ron's hands, and the other from Harry's. "Because, as I said, I am so far ahead on schoolwork I am working on other things."

She picked up her parchment and began carefully rolling it up, packing it and the heavy tomes into her schoolbag. Both stared as they watched as she fit all the books impossibly into the bag. She caught them staring and huffed "Extension charm combined with a feather weight charm."

"Brilliant! Can you do my bag?" Ron asked grinning. His smile fell as she glared at him.

"If you paid attention in Thursday's Charms class you could do it yourself." She shouldered her bag and left the nook, leaving them both standing there confused.

"Funny. The book I picked up had nothing to do with time magic." Harry scratched his head.

"What do you mean?" Ron asked as he started to gather his own things back into his bag.

"It was a book on charms. One that we won't be studying until seventh year at least." Harry said as he waited for Ron. They began to leave but found Hermione two aisles down searching for yet another book.

"Don't you have enough books?" Ron's question just made her glare at him.

"Hermione what's going on?" Harry stepped in before there was any confrontation. "Did Dumbledore give you a task?"

They were both surprised when she burst into tears. As far as they knew Hermione rarely cried, especially in front of them. Yet there she was standing before them sobbing. Harry moved forwards and took her bag from her shoving it at Ron as he pulled her into a hug, letting her cry against his shoulder.

Harry looked at Ron and mouthed, "What do we do?" Ron shrugged, just as perplexed at her crying suddenly. "Say something." Ron mouthed back.

"Er, Hermione, are you ok?" Harry asked. Apparently this was not the right thing to say as she began to cry even more.

"What did you do to Hermione?" Ginny had come around the corner. Both boys were extremely grateful for her perfect timing. Ginny pushed past her brother and prised her from Harry, muttering "Boys."

"Come on Hermione, let's get you back to your rooms and get Dobby to bring you a hot chocolate." She said offering her a handkerchief, leading her away.

Hermione had stopped sobbing in earnest as they reached her rooms, Ginny muttered the password to unlock the door directing her inside. She was grateful that Sirius wasn't here.

"Oh no! I forgot to ask Harry!" And her sobs renewed, Ginny pushed her towards her bedroom, for privacy as they had some girl talk, knowing the boys would be behind enough to give Hermione time to stop crying.

"What is going on Hermione? Since when do you cry in front of those two?" Ginny sat her down and pulled her into a hug as her friend continued to cry. All she felt was Hermione shake her head.

"I am guessing that you can't tell me. Or at least not yet." Ginny said as she patted her back Hermione nodded against her. Ginny sighed, letting Hermione cry it out. When she had stopped and pulled away to wipe her eyes, now red and puffy.

"I- I'm sorry." She hiccupped, "I- I didn't mean to get upset like that."

"Hermione, honestly you need to talk to someone. What is going on? Is it to do with the meeting that you had with McGonagall? Did Sirius do something? Did Harry and Ron? If they did I will curse all three of them right now." Ginny offered seriously. Hermione snickered, knowing the red headed witch would and could.

"It wasn't Harry or Ron." She answered, watching as Ginny visibly looked disappointed she couldn't hex her brother. "And it is not what you think. But, I can't say."

"So Sirius is the reason you are upset?" Ginny said, looking past Hermione towards the doorway. She jumped up so quickly and had her wand out as she marched to where Sirius stood in the doorway. Sirius had his out in a flash and both stood their ground, until Hermione stepped in between them.

"Ginny, it's not what you think. I swear." Hermione pleaded to her friend, She turned and glanced back at Sirius before taking a deep breath. "Ginny. Sirius and I are engaged."

"WHAT?" Ginny shouted. Her wand sparked at her surprise. Ginny wasn't the only one to shout it. Behind Sirius in their lounge area Harry and Ron stood. Ron still had Hermione's bag in his hand.

"I KNEW IT! THAT SICK FUCK GOT TO YOU!" Ron yelled. His wand now pointed at Sirius.

"Ron!" Both Ginny and Hermione cried out, but Ron ignored their protests.

"YOU ARE FUCKING TWICE HER AGE YOU FUCKING SICK BASTARD!" He bellowed at Sirius, shaking in rage. Harry had moved away from the confrontation, still surprised at the news. He had been privy to part of the truth before Christmas and held to his promise not to say anything. Hermione ran forwards and stood between Ron and Sirius as they glared at each other.

"HERMIONE MOVE!" They both yelled at her; one in rage and the other in fear. Hermione shook her head and stood her ground, facing Ron.

"Ron! You don't know the full story! Please lower your wand and let's discuss this like adults!" She pleaded. Ron turned his fury on to Hermione.

"WHY? WHY IN MERLINS BEARD SHOULD I LISTEN TO A FUCKING WHORE? HOW YOU TWO HAVE FUCKED EACH OTHER? HOW MANY TIMES YOU FUCKED?" Ron's face was as red as his hair as he spat, tossing Hermione's bag at her feet.

"ENOUGH!" Sirius bellowed, stepping smoothly around Hermione who looked like she had been punched in the gut. His wand aimed at Ron "You get out. NOW!"

Everyone stood in silence as Ron and Sirius stared each other down. Abruptly Ron turned and yanked open the door slamming it behind him, causing Hermione and Ginny to both jump at the sound. Ginny went to open her mouth but Harry shook his head at her.

Hermione stood staring at the closed door, the sound of it still echoing inside her, as if it was also the final closure of her friendship with Ron. Sirius ran his hand through his hair pacing towards the door before pivoted and back to Hermione, as she stood pale.

"Sweetheart?" Sirius spoke but her mind had gone back into the past and she didn't hear him.

Peter Pettigrew opened the door of the bathroom nearly walking into the last person that he wished to see. Hermione looked at him concerned, asking what was wrong. She watched as he flinched back and tell her everything that she herself had felt herself since falling back into the veil.

It seemed like the words stung more as they were said aloud. She knew that her comings and goings hurt Sirius more than even what his mother ever did. Because love always hurt more when the wounds inflicted were not intentional.

Hermione looked at the man before her. The man she saw from a child grow into the person she saw now. And the memory of the man he would become. She tried to plead with him. But all he did was call her a whore.

"You are a fucking whore that ruins lives! You ruin Sirius every time you decide to leave!" Peter raged at her. The words swam around her head, 'fucking whore'.

She wasn't a whore. Sure she wasn't exactly innocent with her first time with Sirius, but neither was he. And the situation as it was had nothing at all to do with the man cowering on the floor and glaring at her, hating her very being. Knowing she did not belong here at all. Hating that she was here despite her knowing she didn't belong. And she understood in that moment, what lead him down the path to betray all the people partying below.

"Oh Peter. So, this is how you go: Jealousy." She looked at the man for what he was. He was a bitter jealous man. She briefly wondered how long he had lusted for the women in his friend's lives, hating each of them as they pulled his friends in different directions, all away from the friendship they had formed in school.

"I am sorry Peter. I wish I could have shown you more kindness. Though I don't think that would ever have helped. But I can't allow your master to know me." Her voice was steady as she knew what she must do. But it broke her heart watching the fear replacing the hate in Peter's face.

"Oh I know you Peter Pettigrew. And I know him. But you will not know me, nor will he me." She felt like a passenger to her own body as she whispered the word "Obliviate" removing every memory she was directly and indirectly in, leaving only a cover for how Sirius's moods changed as Peter saw them. A single tear fell as she finished, leaving Peter lying unconscious on the bathroom floor…

Tears streamed down her cheeks. She had been moved and was now sitting on the couch unsure how she got there as she stared blankly before her. Sirius sat on one side and Ginny on the other. Harry was sitting on the chair opposite watching concerned.

"Oh Gods!" She gasped, her face had gone sheet white. "Oh Gods! What did I do?"

"You did nothing Hermione." Ginny answered, trying to reassure her friend. "Ron was a total jerk." Hermione frowned, shaking her head. "No. Not Ron."

"Princess, where did you go?" Sirius asked, concern in her voice. His worry grew as she turned her gaze toward him and whisper a word at him, "Peter".

Sirius cupped her face in his hands. "Hermione, sweetheart you did not do anything." She tried to shake her head but Sirius pressed. "You only did what you did to protect yourself."

"It didn't protect my parents." She whispered, unable to stop the tears. Sirius gathered her into his arms, whispering assurances it wasn't her fault. Ginny and Harry looked at each other unsure now what was going on, unsure what to do. Harry stayed as he knew right now there was no way to help Ron calm down except to let him calm down on his own. He also was not exactly ready to speak to his best friend for what he said about his Godfather and his other best friend.

Hermione sniffed and pulled away from Sirius. "Gods, why can't I stop crying, It's all I seem to be doing." She berated herself as fresh tears slid down her face.

"Why don't you go have a long bath." Sirius said standing and pulling her up, directing her to her room. "When you feel better, we can talk about today." Hermione nodded and disappeared into her room shutting the door behind her.

"So you two really are?" Harry spoke at last. Sirius looked at his godson, "Harry, I do not want another lecture about this. Especially when you don't yet understand it."

Harry shrugged, not wanting an argument. "I am here to try and understand it Sirius."

Ginny snorted. "How can you not understand it? Sirius has always loved her before Hermione ever met him. She has loved him since he first met her. Love at first sight. What?" She asked as both Harry and Sirius stared at her incredulously.

"Hermione told me some, I figured out the rest, especially after listening to her talk in her sleep. It wasn't hard to piece together." She explained like it really was that obvious. "Boys" She muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Hermione wanted you to see her memories, Harry. She wanted you to understand the truth. She also wanted to share her time with your family." Sirius sat back down on the couch. Harry sat back in surprise at the offer. Having been into memories of people in his sessions with Dumbledore, he knew that the offer was not one that Hermione would have lightly considered to offer.

"Not all that she wants to show you will be pleasant Harry." Sirius warned, "But I am starting to agree with why she wanted to offer this to you."