Chapter 23 - Still Meat to Me

"This is soo good!" Legosi stuck his fork into his cheesecake, munching on it happily. His eyes closed as he smelled the interior of the cafe.

Louis was eating a danish with a fork and knife, smiling lightly. "It would have gone just like this on your birthday."

Legosi cleared his throat. "Yeah...18 now, huh..."

"Congratulations, Mr. Adult," the deer said, taking another bite. "Mm, cream cheese."

"Cheese makes such a great dessert, which is weird to think about." Legosi took another bite of his own, getting some cherries in with it. "Do you think something like this is hard to make?"

"I read cheesecake is pretty tough to make, otherwise it wouldn't be as expensive as it is in cafes."

"How do you think animals came up with cheese, anyway? And why do we only get them from cows and goats?" Legosi was just full of questions today. He seemed to be in rather high spirits since he woke up that morning as well. They had spent the night with him cradling Louis as close as he could without the antlers in the way, and a blanket placed over the bloodstain on the futon.

"No idea. But I'm glad they did. Can I have a bite?"

Legosi slid the plate over to him. "Go ahead!"

The cervid dug his fork into the dessert, eating it gently. "It's sho like you to eat deshert for breakfasht."

The wolf pointed at the danish. "Then what's that?"

"It's breakfast! Danishes are breakfast. Like donuts."

"And donuts are dessert!" Legosi's nose grew closer, sniffing at the pastry.

"That's false, people eat them for breakfast!" Louis argued. "As the chef, you can't argue with me." He smiled, pridefully.

"The power is going to your head, deer boy." His mate stuck his tongue out and took his cheesecake back. "Besides, you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want."

"I'm too strong to be left alive!"

Legosi flinched a bit at that remark. He went back to eating.

Louis returned to consuming his danish. "What else should we do today?"

The wolf looked down at the hoodie he was wearing, which was a bit warm for the weather. "Buy me some long-sleeved shirts, find out how to fix the futon..."

"As long as we don't spend too much money. My father hasn't sent us money, yet."

"Oh...there's probably a thrift shop around here somewhere. I hope they have things in my size."

"We'll find out." He took a sip of the coffee he ordered. "I got amazing sleep last night, you?"

"So good." Legosi wore a goofy smile on his face, soaking in the scent of the sweets and Louis himself. Having the deer so close to him all night long was amazing.

"I'm glad...really glad," Louis sighed, almost in relief. No, it was in relief.

"So, do you think you'll ask to work here?" The dog continued to look all around the cozy cafe. The other patrons seemed to give them a wide berth.

"I think I will," the deer nodded. "I need to start somewhere, don't I. Cozy little cafe might be nice. I like nice warm feelings that small cafes give. Plus, the smell..."

"And they don't have to give you an apron! You have your own!" Legosi snickered, picturing the deer working in public while wearing that thing.

"What? Hell no! I can't!" Louis whispered.

"I know! Joking!" Legosi whispered back, blushing. He had to admit the idea of Louis announcing to the world that he was his was appealing, though.

"That's for your eyes only."

"Just like...other things." The carnivore blushed more, tail waving behind him.

"O-other things?"

Legosi snorted. "Yeah...y'know..."

"I think you should probably remind me."

The wolf blinked, unsure if Louis was just being flirty or genuinely didn't know. "Oh, like...y'know, your...nakedness..."

The buck chuckled. "Nakedness."

"We didn't sleep naked last night, huh?" Legosi noted.

"No, we didn't," Louis responded.

"I guess so we could keep warm while the blanket was covering the stain. So either we need to buy a new futon, something to clean it, or another blanket. That room gets surprisingly cold, huh? The heater doesn't work the best, but do you think it'll get overly hot in the summer? There's no air conditioning, but we could buy a window unit if we have the money." Legosi yammered on, taking occasional bites of his cake and sips of his water.

"Well, I have a feeling we won't be struggling too bad thanks to Oguma. Which, honestly makes me feel better."

"Didn't you say we were going to have dinner with him?"

"Yeah, but I don't know when."

Legosi fidgeted. "I'm nervous. We need to buy nice clothes, probably."

"We have nice clothes, still."

"I need something with long sleeves," Legosi insisted.

"W-well I know. I never said we couldn't get that," Louis raised a hand, knowing that the wolf wouldn't take no for an answer.

"And the party...I'm nervous about that too," Legosi admitted.

"You are? Really? But you make friends so easily!"

"You think? I've never been good at social gatherings..."

"You were incredible at the dance," Louis smiled, thinking back to that perfect night. He had nothing but good feelings about it.

"Will there be dancing at this party?" Legosi asked, finishing up his breakfast.

"If we get a radio there, maybe!"

"What happened to the one we had at Cherryton?"

"Oh, it's still with us. I guess we could use that, then."

"Might be awkward to listen to music there that we had sex to," Legosi chewed on some of the ice in his water, seemingly not noticing animals turning their heads after the previous sentence.

"Noooo, that music's on my phone..." Louis mumbled. "Speaking of...While you were in the hospital, I listened to it..."

"I see..." Legosi looked to the side, his tail drooping. Suddenly, his ears perked up. "Oh, that reminds me! When I was waiting to see you during your own hospital stay, Bill called me."

"Oh, really? What did he say?"

Legosi's face scrunched as he tried to recall. "Said he and Pina needed some advice from us. Something happened with them during sex, I think."

"What? Pina didn't mention anything like that when he visited me..."

"Me either," the wolf noted. "I guess it wasn't the best time to bring it up. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal."

Louis' ears drooped a bit and he set his fork down. "Speaking of..."

"Hm?"

"Pina and I kissed."

Legosi blinked, jaw opening slightly. "Wh...like...how?"

"Like, on the lips, full-on..."

The wolf cocked his head. "Why? When?"

"When he visited me."

"Was he just happy you were okay?" Legosi felt a myriad of thoughts run through his mind, but they were hard to keep track of.

"I think he was trying to calm me down and show me that he cares. But he did use his tongue."

Legosi cleared his throat. "...Maybe it has something to do with what Bill wanted to talk about? Maybe he wants to...what's the word…'swing'?"

Louis blinked. "As if you'd ever let that happen."

The canine shook his head. "We'll just have to say no. Should we call them later?"

"Sure. What exactly did Bill say to you?"

"I...can't remember exactly. My memory of the past few days isn't good. I think he and Pina had an 'incident', though."

"Do you at least remember what he said about him and Pina?"

"Only that it was an incident that involved sex." Legosi started to tear little rips into his napkin.

"Then I don't think Bill wants to swing. They might have had an instinct incident..."

"Oh, yeah." Legosi gulped. "Are we really good to give advice on that? I mean, they've had sex more than we have and even the last time we did it we kind of had an accident..."

"That's only because you were on top for the first time," Louis noted, pointing with his fork.

"And tasting your blood..." Legosi gagged at the memory. Just the smallest bit of metallic fluid in his mouth had made him lose his grip, momentarily. Both the taste and the knowledge that his body craved it sickened him. "W-we just have to be more careful when we kiss. I mean, that was the first time it happened, so we were doing pretty well up until then."

"We're usually fine when we kiss! It was just the movement combined with the kissing that made us slip up."

"Yeah. Yeah!" A smile returned to Legosi's face. "So, what do you plan on making for dinner tonight for when Sebun-san comes over?"

"Oh, I didn't even think about it, yet. I'm glad we already have a friend like her, though I still feel bad we brought all this drama in our first week of being there. Luckily, other neighbors didn't see all that..."

"Yeah...not a great first impression." Legosi unfolded his napkin, revealing a strange, haphazard pattern of holes resulting from his tearing.

Louis raised a brow. "What's that for?"

"What's what for?" The wolf looked up at him in confusion.

He pointed again. "Why'd you do that to your napkin?"

"Uh? Oh...I don't know. It just happened." Legosi put it up to his face, inserting his snout through the biggest hole and draping it over his face. A barista behind the counter looked over and tried to hold back a snicker. "Mask," Legosi announced.

"You look silly," Louis rolled his eyes, playfully.

Legosi adjusted the napkin so two of the wayward holes lined up with his eyes. "...Boo."

Louis laughed, softly. "Nice to see you're back to your playful self."

The wolf pulled the napkin mask off. "Funny, because you're the first animal to really see this side of me. Well, I guess aside from myself. It feels good..."

"People love who you are, you know. I guess being a carnivore makes that harder to see. You know, from your point of view."

Legosi nodded. "Haru-chan told me once, that the most popular carnivores are the ones that act friendly and peppy. I never thought I'd start to act like that on my own volition." His positive attitude soured, suddenly. "Not that it helps at work."

"Hm...Well, you should do whatever makes you happy, not what others expect of you," Louis explained. "Of course, I know that better than anyone."

"Yeah...but really, being with you has brought this out of me. I don't even think about it."

"Well, I think it's absolutely wonderful."

"Yeah," Legosi grinned. "I think so, too. Grandpa likes to see it, too." He idly rubbed up and down his left arm. "So...thrift store after this?"

"Sure. Let's just make sure we don't go crazy."

Legosi filed through the large shirt section with his claw, which was rapidly growing back to normal. He cocked his head at the selection. "These all look like they're from grandpa's wardrobe..."

"You mean like old man's clothes?" Louis asked, flipping through the selection as well.

"Yeah. It's old man's clothes. But I need some shirts at least..." Legosi cocked his head, his ears perking.

"I'm going to make jokes about this."

The wolf scowled playfully at him. "Oh, I bet you will. Now c'mon, hon. Let's look at something that will at least look good on me."

He remembered a time when he didn't care what he wore, and in fact, only had maybe two outfits to his name. Hearing Louis praise his selections and compliment his appearance was one hell of a drug, though.

The deer continued to look through, getting carried away with the many different choices as he always did when shopping. He was quite the shopaholic, after all.

Legosi chuckled, noting how Louis always talked a big game but then fell victim to the same thing he would warn against. He pulled out a teal thermal shirt, slightly worn with small holes. "I think I'll try this one on."

"Do they even have a fitting room, here?"

The wolf shrugged his big shoulders, taking off his sweater and draping it over Louis' shoulder. He pulled the new shirt on over his shirt quickly as his mate watched with his hand on his hip.

"Too bad you don't have your antlers here. I could just hang clothes on it." Legosi turned around, giving Louis a look of the shirt. "This one is warm. I like it."

"Yeah, a common insult for deer is 'coat rack'."

Legosi froze with his back still showing. "Oh...shit!" He turned around and took the shirt off while still talking, his voice muffled. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't know."

The cervid chuckled. "I like it when you swear. It sounds funny."

The canine's fur was mussed up from pulling the shirt over his head. He leaned in close to Louis. "...Fuck." The word was delivered in a quiet deadpan.

Louis laughed, putting a hand on his chest. "Naughty wolf~"

The thermal shirt found its way on Louis' shoulder, too, and Legosi looked like he was about to retort when another shirt caught his eye. He reached over and pulled out a long-sleeved pink button-up. "Ohh, look, Lou!"

"Oooh. Pretty. Pink is such a beautiful color on you, my love." He grinned. "Fucking beautiful."

Legosi slipped the shirt on, further confirming what Louis said. "Guess this is my new work shirt."

"What a fine-looking old man."

Legosi didn't look amused. "Ugh, let's just find a few more."

"You are an adult now. Pretty old." The two added a red flannel and a plain white shirt to the collection before finishing the trip, and the total came out to less than their breakfast was.

Louis made a face after they exited the building. "At least old people buy cheap."

"I think you mean: young people buying old people clothes cheap after their kids sell it after they die." Legosi's tone was very matter-of-fact for such a morbid statement.

"Uh...I don't think so," Louis blinked.

"Why else would you sell clothes?" Legosi pondered.

"For money to buy new clothes! It's called trade, Legosi. The whole world revolves around it."

"Well, I hope I can get as much use out of my clothes as possible. Maybe after a while, my arm scars will fade and I'll be able to wear my short sleeves again."

"Y-yeah..."

"So do we need to buy anything for your dinner tonight?" Legosi reached out and grabbed Louis' hand gently as they walked along.

The buck squeezed it and he nodded. "How about lasagne?"

"Oh! Yes! I really want to try it!" That big tail of his was wagging again.

Louis sighed, putting a hand to his forehead. "I can't believe we're okay. I had a dream that...Well, we had no mouths, and every time we tried to touch it was like we were magnets, with something pushing us apart from each other."

"I thought you had a good sleep?" Legosi queried.

"Mmm...sorry. I mean it wasn't really a nightmare or anything, but it definitely got me thinking."

"Lou...maybe we're okay right now because we want to be okay?" The wolf looked up at the clouds, thoughtfully.

"Then are we really okay?"

Legosi looked back at him, quickly. "O-oh, I didn't mean it in a bad way! I mean that as long as we want this to work, it will work! As long as we love each other, it has to work. Right?"

"I'm sure we'll be fine," Louis sighed. "Are you...still afraid of me leaving?"

Legosi gripped his hand tighter, even tighter than he usually could, due to his dulled claws. "...I trust you...but my instincts don't..."

"...And that means...?"

"I think...it's afraid of you running away like...like prey runs away. Maybe. I don't know, that's probably what Gouhin would say." The wolf laughed awkwardly and uncomfortably.

"Well, Gouhin is wrong. I never ran away from you, specifically. I was running away from the situation."

"Well, I meant my instincts. I'm afraid of you running like prey would, even though I know that wasn't your reason. Just hunting instinct and all that..."

"Then you'd just catch me."

Legosi stumbled on his words. "B-but I want to respect you! I can't just chase you if you want to be away from me. That's...possessive and selfish."

"And yet? Your instincts would make you, right?"

"...I think after this last time, I might not be able to hold back." Legosi gulped. "B-but would it make me eat you?"

"...Yes." Louis said, matter-of-factly.

"NO!" Legosi's deep voice resounded through the street, causing even more animals to look their way.

Louis turned to him. "What? Yes. We can't take that risk. We have to accept the worst outcome so we can be prepared and avoid it."

The wolf tried to calm down after his outburst. "O-okay, b-but remember the night at the fountain. When I realized the animal I was about to eat was you, I snapped out of it and ran away! And that was even before our relationship was this strong. I don't think I'd ever eat you!"

"But maybe it's because our relationship is this strong that you acted how you did? Did you ever stop to think that you self-harmed because your body had lost its prey? Sure, you never ate meat, but we cuddle every night and have sex, so maybe your body treats it similarly..."

Legosi wanted to shout again, but he fought the urge. Instead, he spoke quietly. "I...I don't know. It was like...I was in so much pain...but I didn't have an injury, so I had to give myself the injury to help the pain..."

"It must have been your body reacting to being without me. You would have never self-harmed before."

"Yeah...even when I got depressed before I met you, it wasn't something that crossed my mind."

"So then I must be right!"

"Well, yeah. I clawed myself because you left. That's what the doctor said." Legosi scratched his head. "What's new here?"

"It comes back around that next time, your body won't let me run away, and if it catches me..."

The wolf's gray fur bristled. "This is scary, Louis. Let's stop talking about it..."

"We can't avoid scary conversations all the time, Legosi. You know what happens when we avoid things..."

Of course, he knew. "So, maybe...we need to pick up that instinct training again. Maybe that's even something they teach in therapy?"

"I don't think so. I have a feeling therapy is based around society's rules, still. We have to make our own rules."

"Yeah." They walked along in silence after that, heading to the grocery store.