Ok so more of this drama is happening but I promise it will slow down soon.

Ch 35: Still Love Me?

(Heart's POV)

I was in darkness. I don't know for how long. Just darkness. I don't know where I was, but all my senses were coming back to me slowly. I felt that I was on something soft, it had to be a bed. Around me was silent but I heard breathing that wasn't my own. My ears flicked around to hear anything else but got nothing. I opened my eyes slowly, blinking them to get adjusted to the light. I saw that I was still in the hotel, I knew that ceiling anywhere. I tried to move but my body felt heavy and I felt pain shoot up my back and abdomen.

As my eyes quickly adjusted, I picked my head up to look around me. I looked to my right and saw Charlie. She had her arms crossed on the side of the bed and had her head resting on them. She was asleep, I heard her soft breathing, but why was she here? I tried to remember everything that happened. Why was I back in my old hotel room? What events led me here?

I was going to pick up my hand, but I then felt someone was holding my left hand. I looked over and I saw the man I wasn't expecting. Alastor. He was asleep though, his back against the headboard of the bed. His head was just slouched forward with his eyes closed. That was something I didn't see often. He looked to be tired from what I saw because of the black bags that hung under his eyes. Why was he here too? Holding my hand, nonetheless. I thought he wanted nothing to do with me. These last two days he didn't even want to touch me, let along hold my hand.

Then, my memories came back to me.

I may have been in my dragon demon form, but I remembered what happened. Usually my vision was all a blur when I transformed but I must have had some control of my mind then.

The fight Alastor and I had. He attacked me and I tried to defend myself...all because of the baby. Ridiculous thing to fight about in my opinion, selfish bastard. Not taking into consideration my feelings. It was all his fault though. I then remembered being in his tentacles, them gripping me tightly. That look in his eyes...he planned to kill me. Psychotic. Red. Burning with hatred. He probably would have killed me if Husk didn't come to help. I was glad all I did was pass out. I don't remember anything after that though.

As I looked at Alastor still, my memories of our fight going through my mind. I was scared. I was afraid. Would he still try to attack me again? Try to kill me? I honestly couldn't trust him, no matter what he told me. I didn't want anything to do with him. Not right now. He hurt me...he said he would never do that. He promised. Especially back on that night he proposed to me. I felt my breath quicken the more I looked at Alastor. Even though he was asleep, I couldn't handle his presence. I felt anxiety fill up my very core. My heart just beat faster. I was afraid of him again. I never wanted to feel this way again towards him. After this though, I had my reasons.

I slowly tried to get my hand out of his. He had a firm grip though and I didn't want to wake him. I looked to Charlie and managed to put a hand on her arm.

"Charlie." I whispered, plus my voice was still raspy.

She mumbled something but did not wake.

I shook her again. "Charlie."

The hell princess picked her head up and gave a yawn. She rubbed her eyes and then looked at me through sleepy lids. They then went wide.

"Heart?" Charlie made sure. "You're awake. I'm so glad." She smiled wide.

"I'm glad I'm awake to but-" I glanced at Alastor then back at Charlie. "I'm not comfortable Charlie."

Her smile went away and frowned. "Heart, do you want Alastor to leave?"

I bit my lip but nodded. "I can't trust him right now. I hate to say it but...I don't want him by me. Not till I'm better." I looked up at the ceiling. "I just need time."

Charlie sighed. "He is sleeping for now. Is it ok to let him be for the time being?"

I shook my head, I felt tears prick my eyes. I didn't trust my voice to say anything. I tried to get my hand out of his again, but I did manage to pry it out. Once my hand was free, I sat up in bed, I winced in pain from sitting up. My back hurts mainly, my wounds aren't healed all the way. I felt slight pain in my abdomen as well as I sat up. I was hating this.

In the process of me sitting up though Alastor woke up. I knew because I felt his hand being placed on my shoulder and he spoke. "My dear, you're awake." I heard the cheeriness in his voice.

Bastard. Why suddenly did he care? What changed his mood in all this? I did not turn to look at him, I just turned my head away and put a hand to my face. I just started to feel tears form in my eyes. Damnit, now I was crying. I didn't want to. I didn't want to cry tears over him. God my moods were everywhere, what the hell. I was so confused

"Go away Alastor." I managed to finally say in a whisper.

I felt his hand tighten on my shoulder a moment but then loosen and he slowly pulled his hand away. "Darling, can't I at least talk to you first?" I heard Alastor ask.

I shook my head, "No, please leave me alone." I said, getting more of my voice back. "I don't want to talk to you right now." I clenched my teeth together.

I felt Charlie lay a hand on my arm as I cried. I needed that comfort from her. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I just had tears falling down my face. I heard Charlie get up from the chair and felt her sit on the bed next to me, wrapping an arm around me. I turned to her and wrapped my arms around her, laying them on her back and pulled her close to me. I buried my face into her shoulder.

"Al, maybe you should go." I heard Charlie say to him in a calm voice.

I heard him give a small sigh and I heard the low sound of his radio static. "I understand. I won't bug you anymore." I was surprised by how calm he sounded.

I felt him leave the bed, it bounced as he did. I heard his shoes as they clicked against the floor, he was walking slow. I heard him stop. I lifted my head slightly away from Charlie and looked at Alastor in the corner of my eyes, he stood in front of the bed. I saw him look at me with sad eyes.

"I just don't want to be attacked again." I whispered.

"I won't attack you my dear. I have no reason to." Alastor told me.

"Why's that?" I asked with a growl.

I felt Charlie's hold on me tighten as Alastor looked to the ground.

Charlie took a breath. "Heart, I don't know how to tell you this but….because of everything that happened and all the stress your body was put under you-" Charlie stopped, she couldn't even finish her sentence as she sighed.

I had a feeling I knew what she was going to say though. Dr. Talon told me to not put so much stress on myself. That fight pushed me over the edge. Then what Alastor did also added on top of it all. It was all his fault in the first place.

"I miscarried." I managed to finish Charlie's sentence.

"I'm so sorry Heart." Charlie whispered to me.

I felt my tears fall. I growled low in my throat, I pulled my head up and looked at Alastor fully as he looked up at me as well. "I hope you're happy now." I paused to take a breath. "You got what you wanted." I growled low in my throat.

Alastor didn't say anything, he just looked at me with emotionless eyes. He was probably at a loss of what to say. I did see he had a little bit of hurt in his eyes though. Why? I didn't understand him right now. I didn't care though. I just wanted him gone.

I gripped Charlie's shirt a moment, "Asshole." I whispered but then I yelled at him. "Get out! I don't want to see you! This is all your fault!" My eyes just burned into his.

To my surprise, he didn't yell back. I saw no anger. I saw nothing. He just put his hands behind his back.

"If you need me for anything I will be at home. I won't even be at the hotel so that you can be more comfortable and you can rest." Alastor glanced at Charlie. "Take care of her."

I could have sworn I saw Alastor cry, but I honestly couldn't tell. Why would he? I was confused on why he all of a sudden cared for my wellbeing. Alastor turned and walked away from the bed and walked out of the room.

(Third Person POV)

Alastor just closed the door behind him and he just stood there in the hallway. Lost in thought. He didn't want to move; he was just stuck. Dumbfounded at what just happened back there. He knew better. He knew she didn't want to see him. Alastor had seen the fear in her eyes as he looked at her. Then felt her anger once she found out that she had lost the child. She was just so mixed with emotions right now and he would give her the space she wanted.

He didn't want to go against her wishes. If she wanted him to leave, then he would. That didn't mean that he was heartbroken over it though.

As Alastor stood there in the hallway, tears were falling from his face.

Damnit. He felt weak crying. He never cried. When it came to her though, his heart was just being pulled harshly. She did all these things to him and part of him hated it but part of him didn't mind it as well. He still loved her; he didn't even get a chance to say so. She probably didn't want to hear any of it though. It was obvious she was upset. He would give her time. Whenever she wanted him back, he would return. He'll open his arms to her and wrap her in his embrace. He'd never let her go.

Alastor took a breath. Tried to calm himself. He let it out. He figured he would be useful before he left and tell everyone that she was awake. He was sure everyone in the lobby was worried about what was going on.

Alastor straightened himself up, fixed his shirt and tried to wipe away the tears that stained his face. Then he began to walk down the hallway, his arms behind his back. When he was about halfway down the hallway, he looked in the corner of his eye at his shadow that reflected him on the wall. He stopped. An idea flashed into his head.

Alastor turned to face the wall, looking at his shadow, he saw eyes look back at him. "I want you to stay here. Watch over her but stay hidden. I don't want her knowing I kept you here." Alastor looked away a moment. "Even if I can't be here, I need someone here to protect her. To keep an eye on her." Alastor turned back to his shadow. "Can you do that for me?"

The shadow nodded in response.

Alastor nodded down the hall and his shadow separated from him and crawled along the wall and disappeared into Heart's room. Alastor gave a sigh and continued down the hallway until he got to the lobby. When he looked down below, he saw everyone down there. They were all talking to each other at the bar, looks of worry on their faces.

It was Nifty who spotted Alastor at the top of the steps. "Al! Your here. What news do you have?" The girl questioned.

Alastor put his arms back behind his back and made his way down the steps. "I wanted to inform you all that she is awake and doing fine for as far as I can tell." He got to the last step. "You can go up and visit her if you wish." Alastor walked past them. "I won't be in your way."

He was heading towards the door.

"Al, where are you going?" Nifty wondered.

Alastor turned around to face them a moment. "She is very upset with me and doesn't want me here. So, I am obeying her wishes. I do not wish to make her more upset." He turned back around. "I'll be at my home if you need me." Alastor walked out of the hotel. As he walked up the street, he gave one last look back at the hotel. He gave a sigh and then continued his walk home...alone.

(Heart's POV)

I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding.

"You going to be ok Heart?" Charlie asked me softly as she rubbed my arm.

I nodded. "I think so." I pulled away from her and looked up. "I'm sorry for acting this way. I just...can't handle him being around right now."

"It's ok, I understand. We won't let him in here unless you ask us to." Charlie told me.

"Thank you. I just need...time. I guess." I looked down with a sigh.

"It will all be ok, Heart. Don't you worry." Charlie had a small smile on her face.

"I don't want to feel this way Charlie." I started crying. "I don't want to feel like I've lost everything. That it's ruined and shattered on the ground." I leaned into her. "I do want to talk with Alastor but I can't. Not right now. I want to fix things but I can't even face him."

"Shh. Heart, don't get worked up ok." Charlie petted my head a moment. "A few days. It will all be alright. Just you see." She assured me.

I nodded as I tried to wipe tears away.

I heard a knock on the door.

"Can we come in?" I heard it was Angel.

"We?" I whispered.

Charlie laughed. "They must all want to come see you." Charlie looked at me. "Is it ok if they all come in?"

I smiled at Charlie then looked to the door. "You can come in guys." I called to them.

The door opened. Then everyone came into the room slowly. I smiled.

"You guys all didn't have to stay here for me." I laughed.

"But we wanted to babe." Angel said as he strutted in.

"Yea plus I'm your sister so I have to be here." Lizzy said sternly.

Lizzy came beside my bed and pulled me into a hug.

"How did you guys know I was awake anyhow?" I asked them.

"Alastor told us." Kota said as he leaned against the far wall.

Then Nifty came up to the foot of my bed. "Yes, he told us before he left."

I nodded and just looked down at my lap. "I'm glad to see you guys though." I said.

"Sorry we didn't mean to make you upset." Lizzy said, she must have noticed how I was acting.

"It's ok guys. I'll be fine." I said looking back up and smiling. "Gather around guys. I could really use your company right now."

Everyone just smiled and laughed lightly as they all gathered around my bed. We all chatted. It was nice to just talk. I knew I should have been resting but I didn't want to. I wanted to see all of them. They all were worried about me. I was glad to see that they at least cared a little bit. All talking about how they wanted to beat Alastor to a pulp as well. It made me laugh bit I told them just to leave him be.

I needed them right now. I needed my friends. I needed my sister. To distract my mind. Distract me from feelings.

Because deep down.

I didn't feel ok.

I felt very afraid and empty. Everything that happened was just a shock. Between Alastor fighting with me the way he did, him injuring me and me losing the baby all just kind of weighed on me. I knew in the end though...it would be ok. I was just in a depressed state of mind. I just need time. Time away to clear my head. Even though I pushed Alastor away. Told him to leave. I secretly wanted him here. Although I knew I needed to talk to him first before I did anything. Made any decisions. For now, I'd stay in the hotel.

After about 4 hours everyone decided it was time to leave. Told me I should get more rest and heal up. Said they would be back again later. Lizzy was the only one left with me.

"You going to spill it or what?" She asked

"What are you talking about?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I know your hurting Heart. I want you to talk to me." Lizzy said as she leaned into me a little.

"Maybe tomorrow is ok." I yawned. "I'm just a little worn out." I told her.

She sighed. "Alright. Just call me if you need anything. Ok?" Lizzy made sure. "I brought you your phone by the way." Lizzy reached in her pocket and pulled out my phone to hand it to me.

I reached out and took the device from her "I promise." I said with a smile.

Lizzy nodded in approval. She kissed my forehead and then messed up my hair as she stood up. We both let out a chuckle. I saw her and Kota walk out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I was alone.

They all left me to rest but part of me honestly didn't want to. I swung my legs out of bed and managed to stand. I hadn't at all since I woke up. I was able to still stand on my own thank goodness. I went and walked into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror.

God, I looked horrible. I looked like I hadn't slept in two days. Some marks have gone away on my neck but not fully, some of it was still black and blue from his tentacles. I still had bandages on my arms. I pulled my shirt down to look at how much I was bandaged up. My back wounds probably weren't the best, I probably opened them back up.

I sighed and just walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. I put my face in my hands. I then felt myself start to cry again. Oh no please, I don't want to cry. Too late, they started falling from my eyes. I didn't want to cry, not now.

I had my emotions all over the place. I hated it. I left my one hand on my face as the other wrapped around myself.

I don't know if I could forgive him. Forgive Alastor for what he did to me. The way he acted. The way he treated me. I knew deep down that part of him was there. Part of his darkness was showing through and he let it consume him. Even if I never forgave him, I still wanted to be by him. I know he would make it up to me because I knew he still loved me...somewhere in that black heart of his.

I didn't want to say out loud, but I still loved him.

Even after all he did to me the last few days.

I still love that bastard. He had my heart; I know I could never love another as much as I have him. Damn, I gave my virginity away to him. That meant something to me. I had a connection. I loved him enough to marry him and honestly...I still did.

I took my hand away from my face and looked down at it, the ring was gone but I still imagined it on me. That whole time I was in the grasp of Valentino, I thought of it on my hand. I pictured Alastor the best I could. Never would I not think of him.

I hated that this baby stuff happened to me as well. Never would in a million years would I have thought it possible for it to happen. Let alone to me. I hated how it happened, but I was still happy about it. To have something like that, even for those few days, make it all better. I hated that Alastor just wouldn't accept it and I understood why. Of course,...now I don't have to worry about that. Alastor put me under so much stress anyway...It probably would've happened eventually. I sighed but then smiled. I would still help Dr. Talon with his experiment because in the end...I still wanted to have a kid with Alastor. After I find my courage again to do anything physical, I'll go back to it. I want to experience what I never thought I could and hopefully it wouldn't be as crazy.

I sighed and decided to lay down in bed. I stared at the ceiling, just lost in my thoughts. Two days. I'll give myself two days to think everything over. Hopefully by that time, I had enough courage to speak to Alastor.

I yawned. So, I pulled my cover back up to me and decided I should probably rest again for a little while. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood.

[Two Days Later]

I woke up with a fright again as I shot up in bed. A light sweat covered me and my hands where shaking. I had a nightmare again. Damnit. I looked beside me to have my bed just be empty. Alastor wasn't here to help me. Keep me calm to make the bad go away. Even though I was mad at him, I still needed him. I felt tears fall down my face as I grabbed a hold of my ears, pulling on them in frustration.

I hated this.

It's been two days since I made him leave. I was trying to pull through it, but it was so hard. I went over things in my head. Tried to think what I'd say to him. Talked to everyone who all said I should forget about him. All except for Charlie of course because she was the one the saw us through the first part of our relationship before we told anyone. Of course, no matter what they said I would never leave Alastor. He was mine. No one else's. I still hated him though, but I needed him at the same time. Everything I went over all pointed to me doing the same thing, me back in his arms. I just hope he would let me back into them.

I don't know if I can handle it anymore. Being away from him while I was like this. Especially after my nightmares. I needed him.

Good Lord, was Alastor my drug? Fuck.

I had to talk to him.

I brought my knees to my chest as I cried more.

I was glad my back was healed more. The rest of my body had healed, thanks to Dr. Talon taking care of me. Of course, my body was still getting over me losing the baby so I was still sore from that, other than that my body was physically healed. Mentally I was still having trouble.

"Alastor, I need you." I said aloud through my tears.

I then felt something by me, it almost felt like it brushed by my figure lightly. I felt a chill from the feeling. I looked up and looked around, I saw nothing. I saw something in the corner of my eye. I looked but it moved away.

What was going on here?

I felt it again, it ran up my spine. I felt something cover me, like it was draped over my shoulders. I looked over my shoulder and was surprised when I saw Alastor's shadow. It was looking at me with sad eyes.

What? Why was it here? Alastor wasn't, nearby was he? Someone would have told me. The only thing I could think of was Alastor left his shadow here to watch over me. I felt my heart warm at the thought.

"Did...did Alastor leave you here?" I asked the shadow.

It nodded.

I chuckled. "Are you trying to make me feel better?" I wondered.

It just gave a smile as it nuzzled into me. I'd take that as a yes.

I smiled, been a while since I did. "Thank you. I appreciate that very much. I really needed it right now."

I felt the shadow lean on me more and I just sighed in content. It wasn't Alastor sure, but it was still good.

"As much as I want to stay like this can you let Alastor know I want to see him?" I said as I looked back over to the shadow.

It lifted itself from me and it nodded. I felt it leave me and it slithered across the floor and out the door. I smiled and then grabbed my phone by the bed.

I sent a text to Charlie, 'Let Alastor in if he comes. I have decided I want to talk to him.'

I saw Charlie respond, 'Are you sure Heart?'

'I'm positive.' I replied. 'We need to have a talk'

'Ok, I'll let the others know too.' Charlie said back.

I put my phone back down and decided to do a little stretching. Dr. Talon said to do some stretches in the morning to help with some left-over aches I might have. That and it would distract me from me being nervous.

I was so crazy nervous to think that I was having Alastor come back to the hotel. Having the scene play over in my head was different. I was nervous that he was going to be here. Could I face him? I couldn't just jump at him. No. I must wait. I needed to remember sometimes that he needed to be the first one to touch you. At the same time, who knows how I will react to him once he does get here. Will I even be able to talk.

Lucifer, what in the world would he tell me?

I pictured him sitting there. Saying how much he hated me. How disgusting I was. How tainted I was. Would he actually say those things, time will only tell?

I did my stretches and I did feel a lot better. I took the chair that was beside my bed and put it back over to the window. The chair always ended up by my bed when someone came to visit me. I always took it back over to the window. I'd sit in it and lean against the window seal. I'd see the forest not far off in the distance. Part of me missed seeing the trees out my window. I still loved being at the hotel and helping when I could, but just waking up and seeing the trees outside my windows, just made me miss Alastor too.

I laid my head down on my arm that was on the window ledge. I sighed. I started to cry again, damnit, I didn't want to cry. How fucking weak of a person, I was. I hated it. Made me wonder what Alastor ever saw in me.

I traced over my one finger over a mark on my arm that still hadn't faded yet. It was getting there but at least I didn't have to feel like a mummy all the time. I was glad that most of all the marks were gone. They were fading and hopefully none stayed.

I didn't know how long I was there for, but I got out of my thoughts when I heard a knock at my door. I held my breath a moment and froze. Was he finally here?

I sat up in the chair, "Who is it?"

"It's me babe." It was Angel Dust. "Can I come in?"

"Y-Yea come in." I answered.

The door opened and Angel walked into my room, but he left my door open. The spider demon walked over to me and kneeled down to look at me. He put one set of his hands on my right arm

"Ya sure you're ready for em?" Angel asked me in a whisper.

I took a breath and let it out. I nodded.

"Want me to stay close by?" Angel wondered as he took his hands away from my arm.

"If you want to." I answered him.

Angel nodded. "I'll just be down the hall ok? If you need anything just yell."

I nodded. "Thank you."

Angel nodded and stood up. He walked back to the doorway and out into the hall. He left the door open, but he walked a little ways down.

He was out of my vision, but I heard him say, "You can go in Smiles, but pull anything and you'll regret it." Angel growled.

I then heard another voice, "Don't worry my friend. I'll behave." No doubt was Alastor, I knew that voice anywhere.

"You ain't my friend." I heard Angel whisper.

I heard the clicking of shoes on the floor as it got close to my doorway. I then saw his figure appear. I looked away really fast from him, looking out the window. I heard the door close and footsteps get closer to me. The static he was giving off was low, but it still made my hair stand on end still.

I saw him in my peripheral vision in the corner of my eyes. Part of me didn't want to look at him.

I heard him speak, "You look better darling."

I clenched my jaw; I didn't know what to say. He still used his sweet words on me. It almost calmed me.

"My dear, do you want to sit there? Would you be more comfortable on the bed?" Alastor asked.

I gripped my pants; my nervousness wouldn't go away. I felt anger towards him and fear, but I didn't want to feel that way. Damnit, I know I'd do this. I shouldn't be afraid to face him. To talk to him. I needed to show him I trusted him.

"Take your time dear. I'll wait as long as I need to for you." Alastor told me softly.

I took a breath and finally turned my head to look up at him. To my surprise he was dressed down, it was definitely weird to see. He wore a red long-sleeved shirt with a dark red vest, his normal black cross pattern on it. He wore is normal bow tie and dark red pants. He had his hair tied up as well. Oh, my goodness...he looked so attractive. I missed seeing him. Did he do this on purpose?

I must have been staring at him for a good bit because he noticed. His smile grew and his eyes softened more as he looked at me.

"I know it's strange to see me out of my normal attire, but I wanted to look less threatening to you." He took a pause. "I hope you don't mind?"

I finally snapped out of my thoughts. "No, it's ok. I think you look great." I said and looked him up and down again. "It's different, but in a good way."

Alastor just smiled wider. "I'm glad to hear then."

There was then silence between us. I didn't move. My ears stayed to the side. I stayed in my chair as he stood about 8 ft away from me. I just looked at him and he looked at me. I got lost in those crimson eyes. God, I missed them. I missed him. My state of mind was very different than it was two days ago. I was mad, but it seemed to fade now that I was facing him. I was afraid but just looking in his eyes calmed me. Why did he have this effect on me? I didn't want to break, not yet. We needed to talk first.

Alastor took a step closer, but I didn't say anything. He sighed. "Mind if I start?"

I fidgeted with my fingers. "I-If you want to. Go ahead."

Alastor cleared his throat, he took another step. "I want to start by saying...I'm sorry. I know that just saying sorry isn't enough. It's not enough for what I did. All the sorry's in the world wouldn't matter. I know that nothing I say or anything I do will make up for what happened a few days ago. I know that you are still mad at me and aren't enjoying my company, but I was glad to hear that you at least wanted to talk with me." He took a breath. "I was waiting for you to say you wanted to talk with me. I sat at home, just waiting. Waiting for you."

No, I didn't want to hear this. I had left him alone. My ears went backwards on my head. I remember him telling me how alone the house felt without me when he would go and visit there. Now he was alone and under these circumstances it didn't help him. I started to cry and looked away from him. Alastor walked up closer to me, he then got on one knee. He was still a little ways away, keeping his distance. I was at least glad of that, he wanted to make sure I was comfortable still and didn't want to push himself onto me. Even though I was sitting, and he was kneeling, he was face to face with me.

I let him continue, "I also want to apologize for the way I acted. The way I treated you. I will admit that...I wasn't myself. It was not me. I had this...darkness taking over. It made me hate you. Made me want to hurt you. Things I never wanted to do to you, ever." Alastor explained.

I felt more tears. I had to be strong in this as he talked though. I lifted my head back up and tried to look at him, lifting my ears a little as well. I then noticed...he was crying as well. He also...was not smiling. His ears were also down to. It caught me off guard and my ears went up a little more from the shock. He was truly expressing his feelings to me and he actually showed them physically. This man was hard at expressing his emotions, I was proud of him at this moment. I saw the pain in his eyes as he looked at me. I knew he meant everything he was saying. I never doubted him but now just seeing it proved it. I softened my gaze at him.

Alastor still continued. "It's all Valentino's fault. Whatever he did to you it was just triggering all my negatives. He is an enemy and all you did was smell like him. The bite marks you had were from him. The scratches on you were made by him. Everything pointed me to saying that you didn't belong to me anymore. You weren't mine. I felt betrayed when I knew it wasn't your fault. That angered me. Made me mad to no end." He tried to wipe tears out of his eyes but wasn't being successful, I saw his ears got tighter against his head. "Never again do I want to feel this way. Not towards you. I don't want to hurt you the way I did. I hate myself for it."

I let him take his moment to compose himself. As he did, I knew there were some things I had to say as well. I put my ears fully up.

"May I speak now?" I asked.

"You may." He answered softly.

I put my tail in my lap and played with the fur as I put my ears backwards. "I also want to apologize. I felt I pushed you too far. Pushed you into something I knew you didn't like. Whatever happened with Valentino...we can't change. That is something I will regret. I'm still mad at you, I might always be, but I know my feelings for you will always take over that anger" I looked at him as best I could. "I feel impure. I feel tainted. Disgusting. I don't want to feel this way. It's something that will always haunt me. To be taken by another was never something I wanted to do." I tried to hold back a sob. "I don't feel like I'm good enough for you now. I'm not worthy enough."

I saw his ears go back up a little and he reached his hand out to me, but he pulled it back quickly. He wanted to comfort me. I actually put my hand out to him, and he was hesitant at first but did put his hand into mine. God, I missed the feeling of his hands against mine. It felt so nice. His touch was nice. My body felt almost relaxed. My ears went to the side again.

"Don't say that dear. You are good enough for me. More than good, your fantastic. You are not some Dumb Dora. You will always be worthy in my eyes. I'll mark you as mine again, I'm hoping you'll give me that opportunity again soon. Even so...you'll always be mine, no matter what." Alastor said this to me and he squeezed my hand a moment.

"I want to believe that, but all this baby stuff came to the surface and if anything, I was just as appalled at first. Just like you. Eventually I just accepted it and I kept telling myself that no matter what, I'd love it all the same." I looked away from him now putting my ears back. "Of course, now, I don't have to worry about saying that anymore."

Alastor moved a small bit closer to me. "I will apologize for that as well. My darkness blinded me. Enraged me. All of the bad things were just pointing towards it saying, don't accept this abomination that isn't mine. I never was taking your feelings into consideration. I'm sorry you lost the baby. It was all my fault. I know it was. I put you under all that worry and stress because of how I was acting towards you. I know I can't make that up to you. I know that you will never forgive me for what happened. I am truly sorry though." He then had a small smirk and he lifted his ears a little higher. "Me and you could also try" He gave a tiny chuckle.

I didn't laugh. I put my ears flatter against my head, but I did just say. "Maybe. In time." I noticed he lost his smirk that he had once I said that. His ears going back down. That one hurt him; I knew it did. I know he wanted me to be happy about the thought, but I was still in a mind of depression from it all happening.

I bit my lip. "I will admit, Al. I've actually missed you. Sure, i've been mad at you but I feel this talk was needed first before I move onto anything else with you. I wanted to set things straight."

I saw Alastor give a small smile and put his ears back up fully. "I'm flattered you missed me." He put his other hand to his chest.

I know he was just being funny, playing around to make me laugh and smile. I didn't give him a reaction he wanted though. I kept my still face. I saw that he was hurt a little by me not doing anything, he messed with his bowtie a moment as his ear twitched.

"There is one thing I want to ask you though." I started.

"What's that, my little wolf?" Alastor wondered.

Lord did I miss my nickname coming off his lips. I haven't heard him say it to me since I was kidnapped. Although there was one thing on my mind. I've wanted to hear him say it. He didn't the last time I wanted to hear it, he avoided it. Now I just need to hear it roll off his tongue to give me that comfort I needed.

I took a long pause. I put my ears up a little and looked at my lap then back up at him in the eyes. "Do you still love me?"

He looked at me with one raised eyebrow as his one ear went down, like I had grown a second head or something, "What?"

"Do you still love me?" I said slower and a little louder that time.

Alastor took his other hand and grabbed my other one into his clawed fingers. He ran his thumb over the back of my hands. This gesture calmed me, and I was just enjoying his touch. He was now fully in front of me, I didn't even notice him take those last few movements to be closer. I just looked at him. His eyes glazed over with tears. I saw the sadness in his eyes disappear as happiness came back and his smile widened.

"Why do you ask me this?" Alastor asked curiously.

"I...I just miss hearing you say it. You refused to say it last time. Plus, with everything that happened it just makes me feel...unwanted by you. Unloved. Heartbroken." I told him.

Alastor just looked at me softly and his smile got a little bigger. "My little wolf. Do I need to repeat myself in the woods again?" He chuckled and I shook my head, I remembered that night. "Of course, I love you darling. Nothing will ever change that. Nor will anything stop me from loving you. You have my heart until the end of time." He slowly took his one hand away from holding mine and reached over to lay it on my face.

I flinched a moment from the touch, but it went away fast. Just the feeling of him touching me made me miss him so much. He kept his hand there a moment and then ran his thumb over my skin, wiping away some lingering tears. I leaned into it, closing my eyes. My ears rested on my head now.

"I missed you Alastor." I whispered and opened my eyes slightly. "So much." I felt tears again. "I needed you to comfort me from my nightmares. You make the bad things go away. You help me out so much. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I pushed you away." I put my hand on top of his that laid on my cheek. "I don't want things to be like this. I want to go back to our lives. To go back to how things were."

Alastor took his other hand to lay further up my arm, "I want to go back to normal as well." He then let out a chuckle. "As normal as it can be in hell anyway."

For once since he has been here, I actually smiled. I just felt a lift in the air.

Alastor let out a small radio chuckle, "You have no idea how much it makes me happy to see you smile my love." Alastor said softly.

I tried to look past my blurred vision at him and saw so much happiness on his face. I smiled more, putting my ears up and gave a small chuckle.

"Well you're never fully dressed without one. Right?" I stated, quoting his line.

Alastor let out a small chuckle. "That's right darling."

I took my hand and placed it on his shoulder. I then ran my hand up his neck and hooked my fingers around the back of it. I was so glad I had things lifted off my chest now. I was still wary of Alastor, but I knew that all he told me was his true feelings and he meant it all. Just by looking into his eyes I saw just how sorry he was and just how lonely he must have been I just wanted to go back to my life. My life with him. I needed him and I knew he needed me to.

Never again would I lose him.

I'm so happy. This drama was honestly killing me. Hope you all enjoyed their little make up. I am going to continue with them in the next chapter as well.