Heart wants to get a little bit off her mind. It's been hurting her for a little while now. There is a scene in this chapter, so skip in between the bold if you want to.
Songs featured in chapter:
Smile by Nat King Cole
Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey
Ch 38: Off My Chest
(Heart's POV)
At Giuseppe's I was so glad to be greeted back by everyone. They all welcomed me back with hugs and how much they missed me. Some asked me how I was feeling and if I was feeling any better. I told them all I was doing much better now, at least to a point, but I wasn't going to drown them in my current mental situation the scars on my back brought me. I caught people up with what has happened with me the last few weeks, leaving some things out of course because there were a few things that would be hard to explain. I've told them how I have been healing. Thankfully, no one asked me about the scars on my back.
I told them I was engaged now because I never got around to telling them since I wasn't at work that week it happened. Then I got kidnapped and all that fun stuff. They all congratulated me of course and told me they were happy for me. Some even ask me for an invite. I just giggled at their excitement over it all. Some of the girls asked me if I had thought of anything for the wedding which I told them no sadly. I haven't had time to think of anything, mainly because of what happened.
I told them about how Alastor got me a dog as a present for me coming home. I even showed them pictures of Rufio, and everyone just thought he was so adorable. Some also thought it was weird of Alastor getting a dog when they remember I told them he was a cat person. I said it was weird, but he did it because he loves me. They all thought it was sweet, nonetheless.
Glenn told me he was glad I was back and that I can keep the same schedule of working when I wanted during the week. He said that since I was still probably healing mentally that I didn't need to come into work as much if I wanted. Of course, I told him I will probably come every other day for the beginning because I loved the place. Plus, I missed it.
After my showers of congratulations and welcome backs, it was time to start the day.
My lunch show went well and everyone that was a normal customer to the restaurant was glad to see me return. It was almost weird to say I had fans. Made me give a little chuckle. I will say that it brightened my mood.
It was the start of dinner time when I got back up on stage, I had sung two songs so far. I was wondering if Alastor was going to show up like he promised. He always came to my dinner shows, he never missed one. I just hope he was ok with Rufio; he didn't call me all day, so I assumed that all was well. I went into my third song that night, but while I did, I continued to look around the room as I sang the song. I hope Alastor showed up after this song because the next one was for him. I knew it was one of his favorites. I knew he always stayed till the end of my show, so my last song was for him too. Or at least to express my feelings better to him.
I was just about done with the song when I looked around the room again and then I saw a waiter with Alastor behind him and he took him to his usual table, it was a table on the right side of me and close to the stage. I smiled wide as my ears went up straight and I tried to continue the song until the end.
When I finished the song, I looked over to Alastor who was just looking up at me with a big smile. I smiled at him as well, my tail wagging when I saw him. He put two fingers to his lips and blew me a kiss. I blushed and got a little flustered from the action, but I managed to compose myself and went to try and do the next song. I was glad he finally came to see me and just in time.
The song started and I started to sing.
"Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you"
I took a moment to look at Alastor at his table and he had sat back with his one leg over the other. I did have a big smile on his face as I sang. I knew this song was one of his favorites, because well, duh, it was about smiling no matter what. Which I always tried to do, even though some of mine were forced lately.
"Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile"
I finished the song and glanced over at Alastor again and he just looked at me with so much love. I could just see it radiating off him as he had a gentle look in his eyes. I enjoyed it so much, him being here just made me feel better. My tail wouldn't stop wagging.
I then went to try and continue the rest of the night as normal and of course my last song was just how I have been feeling lately.
I wasn't loving myself. I was a little upset with everything going on right now. I was feeling so self-conscious. Between everything that happened: me being kidnapped, with how Alastor treated me at first, our fight that happened, the baby I lost and the scars now forever on my back. I was just so worried that my life won't be the same with Alastor. Especially with trying to get back up to how we were with our sex life, that was now nonexistent. Which made me feel bad for Alastor, but I was slowly gaining more courage to work up to it. I knew Alastor didn't mind, because I knew he made love to me to make me feel good. He did it more for me then for himself so I knew he wouldn't try to force himself onto me.
I got to the last song of the night and I felt nervous a moment from trying to sing the song.
I walked up to the microphone. "Last song for the night guys. I hope you enjoy and have a good night." I said out to the crowd and they started to clap.
I looked to Alastor then back to the crowd. I took a breath and started to sing.
"I've seen the world, done it all
Had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant, in Bel-Air now
Hot summer nights, mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child"
I looked at Alastor a moment. I saw him give me a look of confusion almost as I sang. I looked at him as I sang the next part.
"Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I've got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?"
I looked away from Alastor, pulling my gaze out of his. I closed my eyes for a moment as I sang.
"I've seen the world, lit it up
As my stage now
Channeling angels in a new age now
Hot summer days, rock and roll
The way you play for me at your show
And all the ways, I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul"
I was making sure I was doing some small moves up on stage. I would run my hands up my sides, swing my hips slightly, ran my hands down my arms; Doing stuff like that to add the effect and atmosphere.
"Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I've got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?"
I kept my eyes closed but started to feel tears fill my eyes as I sang. I was putting a lot of emotion through with the song. It just all weighed on me so. I laid my ears against my head. I opened my eyes, I knew I couldn't keep them shut forever.
"Dear lord, when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let him in
Father tell me if you can
All that grace, all that body
All that face, makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds"
I felt the tears fall now; I couldn't hold them back anymore.
"Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I've got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will"
I closed my eyes again and grabbed a hold of the microphone while I sang the last part.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful?"
I took a step back from the mic and took a breath and tried to clean my tears away quickly. I hope no one really noticed that I cried up on stage. I took another breath, put my ears back up and took a bow to the crowd. Then the band did. I gave a wave and headed off the stage.
I can't believe I started to cry. I guess I was that emotion from it. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it. I was going through a lot of emotions lately, especially with the feeling of not feeling love, even though Alastor gave me love every day. I just felt I couldn't give back to him and I felt so bad that I wasn't the same as before. I just felt distant now. I didn't know what to do. I had to see if I could try. I wanted to try and get back to that step with him, but I knew that it would take some time. I started to cry again, but it was only a little bit. I tried to hide the tears as I got to the steps of the stage.
I got to the steps and I saw Alastor waiting there for me at the bottom, just like always. I smiled as I walked down the steps. I got to him, standing on the last step, but I could see that he was looking at me with sad eyes. I got off the steps and just looked up at him. I noticed that his hands were behind his back.
"You did amazing up there my wolf. A splendid first night back I will say." He paused a moment. "I have something for you." Alastor told me.
"Oh? What is that?" I wondered.
Alastor took his hand out from behind his back and he was holding out a small bouquet. It was a mixture of roses, ranunculus, and sedum flowers. I thought it was super sweet of him.
"Aw, Al, are these for me?" I asked as I felt like crying again, my ears going to the side.
"Yes, in dee dee." He answered.
I took the flowers from him with a smile. "Thank you Alastor. I really needed something like this."
"Of course, my darling." Alastor said with a big smile. "I know flowers have meaning so I wanted to get you a little something to tell you how I feel about you."
"Oh? Would you like to tell me?" I was curious. I know what they stood for, but I wanted to see what he'd say.
Alastor pointed to a ranunculus first, "This one is for radiant charm and attractiveness. I find you so radiant that you charm even myself and you're the most attractive being in my eyes." I smiled softly at him and he continued, pointing to the sedum next. "This little flower is for broken and or wounded hearts. I know you have both and wanted to show you that I still care and cherish you. I want to help you in the best way I can, as best as you will let me." Alastor pointed to a rose last. "The rose, a symbol of love and passion. Something I hold dear about you. I love you with all my heart, my little wolf. You give me something else to be passionate about, you."
I was crying now from his words, "My great buck, what did I ever do to deserve you?"
Alastor just smiled and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I feel I'm the one that should be asking you that."
I gave a small shy chuckle at that.
Alastor put his hands on my arms and rubbed them gently, he was looking at me sadly again. "I saw you were upset up there on stage while you sang, dear. Want to tell me what's wrong?"
I sighed and looked away from him. "I'll tell you on the walk home, ok?"
Alastor seemed unsatisfied with that answer but nodded anyway. "Sure. Let's head out then." He offered his arm to me and I looped mine into his. "Don't want Rufio alone for too much longer." Alastor added as we headed out of the restaurant.
We got into the streets and headed home.
"Oh yes. I wanted to ask you how he did today? And how you did with him?" I gave a laugh at the last part.
Alastor gave a huff at my statement. "I'll have you know that he was very good for me, surprisingly. I think you'll be surprised because I taught him something. It took us almost all day to make sure he was perfect." Alastor said proudly as he puffed out his chest. "I think we bonded more today."
I giggled. "Wow Al, I am proud of you."
"You should be." He almost sounded hurt. "I was very brave today to face the scary beast all on my own." He pointed his mic cane in the air.
"You're so brave." I said in a girly high-pitched voice.
Alastor chuckled. "What kind of knight would I be if I was a whimpering scaredy cat?" Alastor made his voice deeper to play along.
We both started to laugh.
"I love you Al." I said as I tried to calm my laughter.
"I love you to my wolf. I love hearing that amazing laugh of yours." Alastor replied to me as he tried to calm his laugh as well.
I blushed at his statement and leaned into him more. My blush soon faded, and my head then went to a dark place for a moment. I cast my eyes downward to the ground in front of us.
Alastor seemed to sense my change in mood. I felt like he was looking at me with sad eyes. We were silent for a moment. I just tightened my grip on my flowers Alastor got me. I looked down at them. He got these for me because he noticed how down I have been. It was so sweet of him but part of me still hurting.
"My love, what's wrong? Are you going to tell me? You know you can talk to me." Alastor said to me softly.
I didn't look up at him, my gaze still to the ground as my ears went flat against my head. "I-I don't know how to explain it."
"Try your best dear, I'll listen." Alastor told me, I could hear the concern in his voice.
I let out a sigh and took a pause. I was trying to think of what to say. I felt Alastor tighten his hold on my arm in reassurance as we walked.
"Maybe I should wait till we get home. I don't want to be emotional in public." I whispered.
"As you wish." Alastor responded.
Our walk home was silent. We didn't say another word. It was so awkward. I promised I'd tell him on the walk home, but I knew I would start crying and getting emotional and I didn't want to deal with that in public. Then I'd be even more anxious and I'd get even more upset.
We soon got to the house and we walked inside. Rufio ran up the greet me as soon as I walked in. He jumped and hooved off the ground a moment.
I actually smiled at him, seeing him made me feel a little better. "There's my boy!" I cheered at him.
Rufio gave me a bark, he was excited to see me. His tail wagging so fast behind him. He stopped hovering and went back to the ground to spin in circles a moment.
Alastor took my flowers from me. "I'll put these in water for you dear."
"Thanks Al." I said as I watched him walk into the kitchen.
I turned my attention back to Rufio. I kneeled down and he started to shower me with slobbery wet tongue kisses. I laughed at this.
I then started to pet him and talk in a baby tone to him. "Were you a good boy? Hmm? Were you good for Alastor while I was gone?" I scratched a part of his back that made him stop and twitch his leg. I laughed.
I looked around the room and saw nothing was out of the ordinary, nothing chewed up or a mess. So, I assumed that Rufio was good after Alastor left.
Alastor then returned to where I was at the front door still.
"Did you feed him before you left?" I asked looking up at the deer demon.
"I did." He answered.
"Good, then I don't have to worry about him till the morning." I said and went back to petting the hound.
"I still want you to talk to me love." Alastor reminded me.
I put my ears back a moment. "Right, I know." I looked up at him. "Let's go into the bedroom. I can get changed and we can talk."
Alastor nodded in agreement. "Whatever is more comfortable for you dear."
I stood up and headed towards the steps, Rufio at my heels. I walked into the bedroom and got out of my dress to put on a long sleeper shirt, it went to about my knees. I just wanted to be comfy right now. Just as I was done getting the shirt on, Alastor walked in. Rufio went to the dog bed like a good boy and I gave him a bone to chew on, so he was distracted. I got up into bed, sitting on top of the covers and waited for Alastor. I watched him get undressed. It was almost like a tease. I still found the man very attractive, that was for sure. I almost felt that urge in me as I watched him, but I soon looked away and played with the blankets under me. I peeked back up at him a little bit after to see him putting a sleeper shirt on, his buttons at the top undone. He already had sleeping pants on. I looked down again at the sheets and I was messing with the bottom of my sleep shirt.
I then felt the bed shift as Alastor go into bed next to me. I looked up at him as he sat there with his back against the headboard. He was looking at me, like he was waiting for me to start.
I sifted and sat so that I was facing him better, I looked up and looked into his crimson eyes. "I don't know how to start." I whispered.
"Take your time. We can stay up all night if we have to." Alastor replied with a small smile.
I took a breath and held it a moment then let it out. I tried to find words. I just started to talk. "I-I just...don't feel like I'm giving you enough love back in return…like I used to." I looked down and away from him. "I just feel distant from you, even when you're right next to me...you feel so far away. I don't know why; I just don't feel like I am putting enough effort back into us. It's not you, its me." I felt like I wanted to cry already but I was trying my best to hold back.
I knew Alastor was probably frowning at me now. "It's enough for me, my dear. You don't have to do much for me to know that you love me. Sometimes just your presence is enough for me. Your voice, your smile, your laugh, everything about you. It doesn't take much for me when it comes to you." I knew he was concerned for me; he was trying his best to comfort me.
I continued on though, "I just don't love myself right now, I hate myself." I felt my tears building now. "I feel so self-conscious. Especially after everything that happened." I had my wings tight against my back.
"Is it your scars?" Alastor wondered.
I took a pause. "Part of it is." I answered him softly. "I just want to be back to normal. I want things to be back to how they were." I then had my tears fall.
I felt Alastor's hand grab onto mine. I looked up at him through my teary eyes. I just saw a soft smile on his face as he caressed my hand in his fingers.
"You can't erase the things that happened in the past. You must let them fade eventually. To move on to feel better." I then saw Alastor sigh. "I know the way I treated you didn't help as well. I know I hurt you but if I could go back, I would fix it, but it happened. I hate myself for it, even now, thinking back to it."
"I just don't want to be tainted anymore. I don't want to feel like this." I was still crying and while I was talking through my tears that now started to stream down my face. "I want to be yours again. I still don't feel like I do. I'd even let you run your claws along my scars and reopen my wounds. I know that won't matter, but at least they would be covered up by something better."
"Me covering your scars with my own won't make it better." Alastor admitted to me. "It will make them worse and more likely to see, I don't want to do that to you." Alastor took his other hand and put my chin into it, making me look up at him. "Do you feel this way because you still feel like you belong to them instead? Like you can still feel them?"
I had no answer, I just looked at him. Maybe he was right. I felt so uncertain about myself and distant from him because of what all they did to me. They marked me and 'claimed' me as their own. Over marking what Alastor did to me. I then thought, maybe I can try tonight. Maybe the best way for me to stop feeling this way was to have Alastor take me. Mark me back as his own again. Would I be able to go through with it though? There was only one way to find out.
I said nothing as I wiped my tears as best I could. I took a deep breath then started crawling across the bed and up to Alastor. I put each of my legs on either side of his lap. He was still resting against the headboard as I sat down on him. He was surprised by my action and looked at me with his eyes wide. He had his hands to his side.
"Darling, w-wh-what are you doing?" The deer demon stammered, still in surprise from the position we were now in.
"I feel that, maybe, there is only one way for me to start to feel better." I looked down and away from him. I reached down and grabbed his hands and put them on my hips. I felt he was frozen under me though. I knew he wasn't expecting this from me. "Make love to me, Alastor."
Alastor looked at me still with sad eyes again. "My love, are you sure? Are you ready for that yet?" He asked me, I could hear that he was worried and unsure.
I shook my head. "I don't know, but I won't know unless I try." I looked into his eyes to tell him I wanted this.
Alastor took his hands off my hips and held them away from me, putting them up against his chest. "I-I don't know dear. I would be more comfortable to do it at a time when you actually want it, not at a time when you think you need to just because."
"But I do want it. I want to be yours again." I whispered to him. "Please, Al."
I saw Alastor was unsure. I saw him bite his lower lips slightly unsure. I took my hands and grabbed his, holding them a moment.
The deer demon sighed. "I'll do this, for you, but I want you to be the one in control."
"Me? Are you sure?" I questioned; I was so surprised.
Alastor nodded. "If you want to do this, to try and see how you will act, then I feel it would be best if you would be the one in control of everything." He gave a small smirk. "We are already in a pretty good position for you to be in." He chuckled softly.
I blushed but gave a small chuckle as well. "I guess you have a point."
"If you need to stop, just say so and we can stop." Alastor told me. "Don't force yourself into doing it if you get uncomfortable."
I nodded with a small smile. I took a breath. I was confident. I wasn't nervous. I could do this.
"Let's see how it goes then." I finally said.
(Scene starts here)
I took his hands that were still in mine and laid them back on my exposed thighs this time since they were showing now with my shirt riding up slightly. He did not move them. I took my arms and wrapped them around Alastor's shoulders, and my hands found their way into his hair. He let out a small breath at the feeling as I started to play with his hair.
Slow steps. Slow steps.
I just looked at him in the eyes and I could see his love in them, I absolutely loved that look in his eyes. Made me feel warm. I'm sure my eyes were cloudy with confusion and worry. I tried to push it all aside.
I leaned forward and kissed the deer demon on the lips and just made it a soft innocent kiss. I felt his hands that laid on my thighs slowly start to rub them. I'm sure he was enjoying the soft skin under his fingers. I pulled away from the kiss and just looked at him. I moved my hands from his head down to his chest. I gripped the fabric of his shirt in my hands.
"Can I take this off?" I asked him.
"You may." He answered.
I went to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head, he helped me of course by putting his arms up. Once the shirt was completely off him, I tossed it to the side onto the floor. I looked down at his now bare chest and ran my hands over his skin. Part of me almost forgot that he was scared up as well. Even though I never knew the purpose behind his marks, I didn't find it the matter to ask him. It was obvious that they didn't bug him anymore. I traced my fingers across some of them, just eyeing at his chest.
I felt Alastor move his hands up my thighs and then up under my shirt more and he laid his hands on the lower part of my back. I stiffened a moment from the action.
"How did you get over them?" I asked him, still tracing my fingers on his skin.
"I didn't care, I got over them. It doesn't change who I am. I still feel as handsome as ever" He answered me with a tiny chuckle.
I frowned. "It's different for a man I feel, you make them look attractive. It's different if they are on a woman. I probably look hideous." I turned my head away.
Alastor then took his hands and put them further up my back, rubbing them lightly over the scars that reside there. "Never. Your beautiful, my wolf. Don't forget that. I'd love you no matter what. Just as you love me and my body for what it is."
He did have a point. I did love him, his scars and all. They were a part of him. They told a story I didn't know, but at the same time I didn't care. Scars can exist, but that doesn't mean people have to know the story behind them. Nor do you have to remember.
I looked back up at him and gave him a small smile. He smiled back at me. I placed my hands on his shoulders then leaned forward and captured his lips in another kiss. I decided to make it a little harder this time and really wanted to put some love behind it. Alastor kissed me back and he continued to run his hands along my back. It felt so good to have his hands go across my skin again like this. I actually forgot how much I missed this feeling. His hands were different, they were gentle, and they slowly glided along my skin. They weren't rough like Valentino's; he would pull on my skin and it hurt. My head was calm because I knew it was Alastor touching me.
I then felt his hands go to my sides and he slipped them up further. He was soon right on the sides of my breasts; I wasn't wearing a bra after all. I stopped a moment and pulled away from the kiss. I kept my face close to his though. I looked at him with half lidded eyes. I wanted it, I wanted to feel him hold and grope my breasts, just like he always would. The feeling he would give me just by doing so I would enjoy. It almost made me shiver at the thought.
"Touch me." I whispered to him.
"As you wish." Alastor said with a small radio sounding growl.
He slipped his hands to the front of my breasts and held them in his slender fingers. I leaned down and kissed him again as he did so. I moved my hands to fist my hands into his hair again. I wanted to keep my mind distracted with everything, I was hoping it would help.
Alastor squeezed them a moment gently and just ran his hands all over my chest. I let out a happy hum against our kiss as he did so. I then felt him take his thumbs and gilded them across my nipples softly. I took in a sharp breath through my nose as he did so, not leaving the kiss. They started to get hard already from his actions. I missed these feelings. He reminded me what I enjoyed the most, while being as gentle as possible. I was happy about that.
He continued to do a circular motion with his thumbs around my now erect nipples. He was doing it in a soft gentle motion, and I was enjoying the feeling so much. I wanted a little more though, so I took my tongue to lick his bottom lip. He was hesitant at first but felt him slip his tongue out to connect with mine. I felt electricity and I got goosebumps a moment from the feeling. I let him slip his tongue into my mouth and let him explore while at the same time he continued to rub my nipples. I let out a small moan in my throat from the feelings.
I missed him and his gentle touches. The way he made me feel. How I felt special. He reminded me why I loved him so much. God this man did things to me and I was happy to be reminded why. I knew that I was liking what he was doing because I felt myself becoming wet. I almost felt bad, because, unknown to Alastor, I wasn't wearing panties. That means I would get my wetness all over his pants soon enough. I decided to take them off when I was getting undressed from work because I knew what I was trying to accomplish tonight. I had a feeling he knew though because of the heat. That and with the way I was sitting on his lap, I could feel him start to get hard under me. It was pressing against my inner thigh.
At first the feeling of it scared me, but I kept telling myself: this is Alastor, he won't hurt me. So, I eventually calmed and now the feeling of it pressing against my leg was just turning me on. I felt Alastor take one of his hands away from my breasts and started to snake it down my side. I felt him lay his hand on my bare hip.
He pulled away from our make out to let out a little huff of amusement. "I see someone was ahead of the game. Were we eager?" He looked at me with half lidded eyes in a seductive manner.
I shook my head quickly. "N-No, I just knew what I wanted tonight, and I was hoping to get far enough." I felt a blush creep onto my already warm face.
Alastor chuckled from my response. "I love you, my fiery little wolf. I missed feeling this way with you. I missed feeling you."
I leaned in to kiss his cheek. I kissed down to his neck until I found a nice spot to latch onto and started to leave him a sucker bite. As I did though, he kept massaging my breast with his one hand while his other hand still laid on my hip. I felt him move the hand on my hip down the lay in my thigh.
"I want to touch you." I heard him breath out as I was still on his neck. "Please."
Was he...begging?
I lifted my head away from his neck, expecting the nice sucker bite I now left behind. I looked at him and smirked. I put my one hand to lay it on top of his that was on my thigh. I moved it so that it was closer to the heat. I honestly really wanted him to touch me as well there. The way he would play with my clit when he did so was just an amazing feeling. A feeling I was missing and was craving once again.
"You want to touch me?" I asked seductively.
He nodded his head; he was biting his lip slightly.
I leaned in so that I was by his ear, "Where? You have to tell me?"
I heard him hold back a small groan of annoyance as he put his head back a moment. "I almost forgot how much of a heathen you are."
I gave a small chuckle. "But you love me." I whispered in his ear. "Now where?"
I heard him breath out a moment. "I want to touch your womanhood. Please let me touch you." Again, he was begging. God was that a turn on.
I gave in decided to give him what he wanted; I moved his hand until it was close to my vaginal lips. "Go ahead." I finally whispered to him.
As soon as I took my hand away, he took his hand and slipped it between the lips, and I felt him slide around because of my wetness. He let out a small groan as he just aimlessly moved his fingers around. He eventually found my clit and started to play with it. I took in a sharp breath at the feeling. I heard Alastor chuckled softly, he knew what to do to get to me. I pressed myself closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder.
I was feeling pleasure like it was an electrical shock going through my body. It was something I was craving so much. Alastor made me feel this way. Especially with how gentle he was being. He tried to keep his mind steady so that he didn't loss control of himself. He was doing this for me after all. I asked him to do this because I wanted to be ready. I wanted to be his again.
So far it was going well.
As my face was close to Alastor's neck I felt him lean down a little and kiss my cheek and he slowly started to trail kisses down to my neck. I felt him start to suck on my neck.
"Alastor." I breathed out.
He pulled away from my neck. "Was I doing too much?" He asked in a whisper.
"No, please continue." I answered softly, enjoying what he was doing.
"Ok, but if it becomes too much let me know." He reminded me.
I nodded and moved my head to give him better access to my neck now. I heard him give a small growl as he attacked my neck again with kisses and latched himself to leave me a sucker bites. As he attacked my neck, he was still working his fingers down below and I kept twitching violently when he would hit my clit just right. I let out a soft moan from the feeling. I wanted to be his again, fully his, he was reminding me why I belonged to him. I would always belong to him. I wouldn't fully be satisfied until we went the whole rest of the way. I was enjoying this so much though.
I felt his member now rock hard against my thigh, I bet he was feeling so uncomfortable. The feeling of it though was driving me crazy. I wanted to feel him. I wanted all of him. I want to remember what he feels like. To make all my bad memories go away finally. That way I didn't have to feel Valentino anymore. All I would feel is Alastor, all the way around.
"I want you, Al." I whispered into his ear.
Alastor stopped his actions after I said that and withdrew from me, pulling his hand away and lifting his head up. I pulled away from his so that we were both looking at each other again.
"Are you positive you're ready for me?" Alastor asked me to make sure.
"Yes, but I don't know how I'll react once it happens." I admitted to him. "I want to feel you, but I just don't know what will happen at first."
"Well, I guess we will have to try and find out." Alastor said with a small smile.
I looked at him in the eyes. "All I have felt so far tonight is your love for me, Al. I want to feel all of it now. I want to be overcome by it. Consumed and drowned in all of it." I smiled back at him. "I'll still have control after all, I am on top of you."
He chuckled. "This is true."
I back up a little bit then reached down to the edge of Alastor's sleep pants and started to pull them down. I pulled them to his knees. I looked to see his hard member twitch from the cold air now touching his warm skin. He let out a breath, like he was relieved to have it freed from the restraint of his pants. I took my night shit off as well. I then went back up closer to him, trapping his member in between us. I felt him kick his pants the rest of the way off.
I felt my heart rate quicken, I was nervous and excited at the same time. Almost reminded me of when we first made love together. I can do this. I slowly started to grind myself against his member, coating it in my wetness. He took his hands and placed them onto my hips to hold me. I heard him hold back a moan from the feeling. I was having him hit me right in my clit and it felt amazing if I had it just right. I let out a small moan from the feeling.
I started to go a little faster but because I was so wet Alastor's member found its way between my vaginal lips went I went up and when I went back down, he entered me. Slipping right on into me with ease since I was so wet. It startled and surprised me with it being so sudden. I wasn't ready for it at all. I let out a yell.
When he entered me so suddenly memories flashed in my head back to Valentino and Vox. The way they use to be so rough with me and would just trust right into me. Especially when I wasn't prepared. I remember watching from my out of body experience because of the control Val would place on me before each session. I started to cry automatically from it. I wrapped my arms around Alastor quickly and cried into his neck. He was still in shock from what happened with me yelling and now I was crying, he didn't know what to do. He didn't move when I hugged him at first but soon, he took his hands from my hips and took me into his arms. Wrapping one around my waist and the other hooked up so his fingers were in my hair. He tried to calm me down.
We didn't move, we didn't speak, I just cried. I let the wave of memories crash over me for those few moments. Alastor just ran his hand through my hair.
I then heard a whining next to the bed. My memories subsided and slowly faded as I picked my head up to look over to the side of the bed. It was Rufio, my scream must have alerted him, so he came to check up on me.
I smiled at the hellhound, "I'm ok boy, go back and lay down." I told him.
Rufio put his head on the bed and whined still, showing off those big red and pink eyes of his. I gave a small chuckle at the hound; he was still worried.
"I promise I'm ok." I reached over and patted the hound on the head. "Go lay down. I need privacy right now." I reassured him.
Rufio was hesitant for a moment but he gave my hand a lick and then walked away back to his dog bed. I turned my attention back to Alastor and let out a breath.
"Are you going to be ok?" Alastor asked me worried.
"I think so." I said softly.
Alastor put his one hand back into my hair and started petting me. "You sure?"
I nodded, "Yes, I was just surprised that's all. I had memories come back. I'm sorry for reacting that way."
"You want to stop?" Alastor wondered as he continued to pet my head.
I took a breath and looked down a moment. I then realized...I was still sitting on Alastor's lap with his member still buried inside me. I felt a blush spread across my face. I looked up at Alastor and smiled sheepishly at him. I just learned myself against him and wrapped my arms back around him. I put my face into the crook of his neck.
"I'd like to stay like this for the moment if that's ok?" I whispered as I settled myself against him. "You have made me feel better though."
Alastor just chuckled from my action and held me close to him and leaned back a little so he learned more against the headboard. I just relaxed against him as he pet my head.
"I love you Al." I said but I knew it was muffled since my face was in his neck.
"I love you too." Alastor replied back.
We both just sighed in content. I will be honest that I was fine with how we were. I was upset though that things happened the way they did, and I feel that I ruined the mood because of it. Although as we laid there in silence, I was enjoying the feeling of him inside me. I was also liking Alastor still petting my head and his other hand ran across my back lightly. He ran his other hand down until he found the base of my tail and started to run his long fingers through it. We had never done this before and I will say that I was enjoying it.
I wasn't noticing the smirk on his face, I felt him shift his hips a moment. I thought he was just fixing himself but when he moved so did he inside me and my eyes went wide at the feeling. Damn him, sneaky bastard. I held onto him tightly from the motion.
"Sorry dear, I was just fixing myself." I heard him apologize but I heard a playfulness in his voice.
"Surreee." I said with a chuckle.
I shifted my weight and it made him move in me again. I lifted my head up just in the moment as I saw him bite his lip.
"Sorry, I had to fix myself." I mocked him as I looked into his eyes.
"Are you mocking me?" Alastor wondered as he raised an eyebrow.
I laughed. "No absolutely not." I said innocently and moved my hips again.
Alastor bit his lip again. "Darling can I ask you something?"
"What is it?" I questioned, giving him a small smirk.
"Do you want to continue? Are you feeling better?" Alastor asked me. "Because it seems to me that you would like to continue." He laid his hands on my hips almost smirking.
I smiled and kissed him quickly on the lips. "Maybe, but you promise to be slow and gentle at first?"
"Oh, you want me to be slow darling?" I felt him hold onto my hips tighter. "I'll be slow for you. I'll be nice and gentle so that you can feel every inch of me inside you." He growled seductively at me.
My eyes went wide after he said that, but I smiled. "Well we should start then."
Alastor chuckled, "Maybe you should start us off dear. I did say we can take control at first."
"That's true." I whispered.
I shifted my hips again and that made Alastor bit his lips as I did. I took a breath and then decided to start moving. I lifted myself up slowly from his member and slid back down again. I let out a shiver from the feeling and breathed out. I lifted up again and slid down again. I let out a small moan as I did so and shivered again. Alastor held onto my hips still as I went at the same slow pace. I heard him static growl low in his throat. He was giving off a low humming as well.
"You feel amazing." I heard him whisper as he let out a breath.
"I almost forgot how great you feel in return." I hummed.
I leaned down to kiss him and kiss him deeply.
I decided that I had enough of this slow pace and picked up speed a little. Alastor seemed to notice as he gripped my hips tighter and groaned low in our kiss. He started to thrust against me at the same pace now.
I was so glad I was overcoming this. I was going to do this; nothing would stop me. I wanted this. I wanted him. I was going to be his again fully and I was going to make sure of that.
I gripped my nails tightly into Alastor's back. We were going at a nice pace and I was slowly filling myself up with pleasure. The type of pleasure I haven't felt in a while. A pleasure that was ripped away from me. A pleasure that I feared. I was slowly getting it back now. I was enjoying this intimate moment with Alastor.
I wanted more of it.
I started to slam myself harder down onto him and when I did, I let out a moan from it. Lucifer did I miss this feeling. Alastor groaned louder and he started to thrust faster against me. My one hand found the back of Alastor's head and I pressed his face into the crook of my neck.
"Alastor." I breathed out. I couldn't get another word out as I moaned again and bit my lip.
I felt Alastor's claws dig into my hips now as I heard him growl. He then started to go faster.
"I want...to hear...you scream my name." Alastor breathed out as he thrust.
I then felt him try to hit me at different angles. After a few thrusts I felt a jolt of pleasure run up my spine and when I did, I let out a loud moan. He had hit the right spot. He pulled his head away from my neck and looked up at me.
"Did I find it?" Alastor asked as he still thrust into the same spot. I couldn't respond as I was breathing heavy now. "Seems like I have." Alastor growled in approval. "You going to say my name?" I had stopped moving and he had taken control of everything. "You better say it and scream it so those back in the city can hear you." He then started to go faster and hit the sweet spot over.
I was holding back at first as I breathed heavy. "Alastor" I moaned out, but that didn't seem to satisfy him.
"You better do better than that dear." Alastor hissed.
I felt him reach up and grab my beast. He then started to play with my nipple.
I was surprised by that. "Alastor!" I said louder.
I looked down at him and saw that lust in his eyes as he continued to pound into me.
I was surprised that I wanted this, and I knew it would seal the deal with what we were doing. Especially with me wanting to be fully his again.
"Alastor." I started. "Bite me."
Alastor looked up at me. "Are you sure?"
I groaned and moaned again as he continued his actions. "Shut the fuck up and bite me you crazy deer fuck."
Alastor wasn't expecting such language from me but I was getting into this. I needed this. He didn't argue as he went to my neck and kissed it a few times. I then felt him lick my neck a moment then I felt him sink his teeth into my neck.
"Ah!" I breathed out. "Oh fuck!" I moaned out as I felt his teeth enter my skin.
He tightened his hold onto me by wrapping his arms around me and I felt him dig his claws into my back. I know it was weird to say but...I missed that feeling. The pleasure I'd feel from him biting me the way he did. He was gentle.
"Alastor!" That was the loudest I had screamed his name and I heard him let out a hum.
He pulled his teeth out. "I'm close." Alastor whispered.
I groaned after he said that. "God please give it to me. Cum inside me." I breathed out.
Alastor then went and bit me again, this time in a different spot. He thrust harder and faster until he let go of my neck and threw his head in a loud groan. I then felt him release and fill me up with his seed. I let out a small moan at the feeling.
Alastor then slumped against the back of the headboard and was breathing hard. We didn't move as we both tried to get our breath back from our crazy love making. I had my hands on his chest and I could feel his heart pounding against his chest.
I was going to pull off him when I felt him wrap his arms around me tightly.
(End smut scene)
"You aren't going anywhere." Alastor growled.
I laughed at his action. Alastor shifted down until he was laying down on his back and I was on his chest. I laid my head down on his chest. I let out a sigh of relief as I snuggled into him. I felt Alastor lean down and kiss the tip of my ear.
"I love you my little wolf." Alastor whispered.
"I love you too my great buck." I whispered back to him.
I felt him rub his hand up and down my back. I know my neck needed tending to but i honestly didn't care at the moment, i just wanted to enjoy this moment with him.
"Thank you, Al." I started.
"Why so, my love?" Alastor wondered.
I looked up at him. "For making me yours again." I smiled at him.
Alastor smiled back at me. "You'll always be mine darling. No matter what."
I laid my head back on his chest and I felt him hold me tightly of a moment before loosening me again. I felt him reach a hand up and put it into my hair and he started to pet me.
I sighed in relief.
"Go to sleep my dear. I'll be here when you wake up." Alastor said to me.
I yawned at that, "sounds like a good idea."
I snuggled back into him and I was enjoying the sound of his heartbeat under my ears. I listened until I succumbed to sleep. Finally, happy and content. Plus, I could finally say I was Alastor's once again.
I'm happy to write the smut again. I wanted them to reconnect.