CHAPTER TWO HUNDRED SIXTY TWO
For lack of wanting to make Viktor even more upset, Yuri resigned to avoiding jumps for the rest of the practice period. Instead, he focused on the few things he could work on, and after clearing his head with the mindless reminder of all the different moves in the field, decided to work on the one move that had given him the most grief since the beginning...the Bielmann spin.
Slowly working his way up to it, he pushed into a quick turn, keeping it simple with a fully-upright scratch spin...and tilted his head back to look directly at the ceiling. He could feel his head starting to swim already and quickly looked down again, slowing down until he could set a toe-pick down, and held his head with both hands. The world spun more than it should, frustrating the young skater. He moved around again once the feeling cleared, crossing his blades over one another until he could move into yet another swift rotation. This time, he grabbed for his boot and hoisted the gold metal up behind his head, keeping his head level instead of trying to look up...he didn't get as dizzy, but the stretch was still uncomfortable.
"The Bielmann was never your thing."
Still spinning, the voice seemed to come from every side at once, and Yuri quickly stopped, letting the blade go like he'd be in trouble if he got caught with it. He stopped moving a few seconds later, looking at the source of the voice, and the one piercing blue eye that accompanied it.
"Maybe you should swap it for a donut spin instead."
"V-Viktor..." He said warily, "...Does that mean you're not going to pull me?"
"I haven't decided yet."
The skater slumped down over his knees, disappointed.
"I want to see you successfully land something." The Russian went on, catching Yuri a bit by surprise as he came forward, nudging him upright with a pull on one shoulder, and then unceremoniously tying the black Team Japan jacket around his head, "The quad Lutz is one of the hardest jumps, all around. I can forgive you for falling on that one. But I need to rule out that you can't land anything at all before I make any decisions."
Anxious brown eyes examined the older figure for a moment as Viktor backed up again, but Yuri eventually nodded, moving sullenly towards a more open part of the rink. The feeling of his jacket tied around his head was awkward, the ends of his sleeves fluttering in the breeze behind him, but without a true helmet, Yuri supposed this was the best that could be managed on short notice, and didn't argue it or try to take it off. He just lifted a hand and moved a few strands of hair from his eyes where the crinkly fabric had pinned them to his brow.
Phichit and Otabek had both paused their own practices to see what would happen, coming up a distance behind Viktor to watch from a safe vantage. Chris had remained by the door in the rink-wall, but even he was taking the scene somewhat seriously.
Yuri nervously moved around the rink, but then hesitated, slowing down again to idly glide by, "...What should I do?"
"Doubles." Viktor answered, arms crossed over his now-closed team jacket, "Focus on sticking the landing."
The younger skater nodded, swallowing for the nerves of it all. He went back to gaining speed, sliding like the wind over the ice until he found his spot, and vaulted in reverse through a double Toe-loop. Phichit had covered his eyes before Yuri had gone airborne, and peeked through the fingers of one hand when he heard the inevitable sound of the skater's full-body collapse.
He skidded briefly before coming to a stop on his front, blades coming up where his knees bent...until they came down again, clicking into the ice with toe-picks flicking frost up on impact. Yuri groaned and shook his head, trying to regroup, only to hear the sound of his coach's voice again.
"Stop thinking so much. Just let your body move through the jump on muscle memory. Every fiber of your being knows what to do...trust yourself."
Yuri tried to take it to heart...but it still felt like the eyes of the world were watching; spying. He picked himself up, dusted the frost off his chest and legs, and moved away to try again. When he was far enough away from the entrance-side of the rink, he looked up for a moment to see how many people were still behind the glass on the mezzanine...thankfully, only a handful, and most of them were known to him. It seemed that the media frenzy was only really interested in his SP walk-through. A bit of weight lifted off his shoulders, and drew in a nervous breath.
His eyes then wandered over to where Viktor and the others were watching him, but all he could think of was the weird way Viktor was acting.
I don't know what him, Chris, and Yakov talked about...though I can guess that at least part of it was about me. He thought to himself, Viktor came back to the ice like he wasn't even upset anymore. I wonder if Yakov talked him down from it? I've never seen him so mad at me for going against orders before...
Yuri shook his head and switched over to skating in reverse again, looking over one shoulder as he pushed away from the rink-wall towards open part of the rink. This time, instead of listening to the clamor in his head...he focused on the sound of the ice beneath his blades.
Ssshhhhhhh-THAK...sKOOOsshhhhhh...
Viktor lowered his head a bit and smiled, "That's more like it." He pushed off with a toe-pick and idly started sliding forward, "Do it again."
Hazel eyes opened wide, even as he was still skating backward from the landing, but Yuri felt a huge wave of relief for the whole thing. He passed through an opening in the group and came back around, getting into position a third time...and vaulting into the jump. To his surprise and amazement, he landed it again, though it still gave him a weird 'thump' feeling in his head that he wasn't used to. It was almost like an extra bit of weight pinned inside his forehead that dragged it down when his boot hit the ice.
"Triple Axel next. No fancy entry." Viktor instructed.
He landed that one as well, albeit with a slight wobble. The second attempt was much more fluid. He fell on the triple Flip, restarted triples with a Salchow instead, and repeated it until he landed it on the third try, went for the Flip again and landed it that time...
"How's your energy?" Viktor wondered.
Yuri huffed a bit, "Pretty good considering I just did my whole SP just a few minutes ago."
"Think you can try a quad?"
Frost flew where the younger skater braked on an edge, and put a hand over his chest, feeling his heart flutter a bit from the suggestion, "...Y-yeah."
"Are you sure?" The Russian looked at him evenly. Behind the man, Phichit and Otabek were transfixed. Watching the falls was difficult, but every time Yuri pulled through, prospects for the Men's event seemed a little more secure.
The Japanese skater nodded, drew a breath, and moved to start building speed along the rink wall again. He slid through a long figure-8 before finally building up the courage to step into the 3-turn, and jumped...
.
Yuri had his scarf over his face, leaning as far back into the passenger seat as it could go. He could tell the car was moving, but he refused to look, even though their destination had been chosen by him, and he was the only reason they were going that direction at all.
Viktor glanced over, but then raised his eyes back to the road, "I really think you set yourself up for that."
Again, Yuri just groaned.
"I don't know why you tried the quad Flip first."
"I couldn't do any quads." The younger skater finally spoke, throwing his arms up even if the scarf stayed over his face, "Not one!"
"If I tell you not to do quads for your program, will you listen?"
"...Yeah..."
The Russian gave his partner a look, and Yuri barely caught sight of it, peeking out briefly from behind the fabric wrapped around his head. He quickly retreated again and turned slightly, leaving Viktor doubting the honesty of his answer. It forced the skater-coach into an awkward silence that lasted the entire rest of the trip.
Arriving at the hospital put the Russian's teeth on edge, but he parked the car and stepped out, dutifully following his spouse into the building, much as he really didn't want to. He hung back far enough that Yuri couldn't reach for his hand.
Hazel eyes looked back a few times in nervous worry, He won't even walk next to me right now...is it cuz he's still mad, or is it because of where we are...?
The sliding door moved away to let the two pass inside, and the heat of the building washed over them like water. The inner set of sliding doors moved aside as well, and Yuri glanced around, blinking in confusion, trying to find signs to tell him where to go.
"Do you remember this place?" Viktor wondered, finally 'catching up' enough to stand close by, "This is the way we brought you out. We waited right outside these doors when Mimi brought the van around."
Reluctantly, Yuri shook his head, "...No..." It was disheartening to realize nothing was even remotely familiar, "When we were at the practice rink, I felt like I knew where stuff was, even though I couldn't really factually remember having ever been there. It was like déjà vu."
"So what's the first thing you do remember at this point?" The Russian was a bit anxious about that, "There's so many things that've happened or that you've been told..."
"Waking up in the hotel room, and going into the bathroom." Yuri answered, "I've been good since then...at least, I think I have. There's no obvious gaps that I'm aware of. Nothing beyond the usual anyway."
"...You usually have gaps?"
"Oh...well, yeah, don't you? I don't exactly commit to memory what I was doing or looking at when I go down a hallway."
"...Oh."
"...You're looking at me like that's not normal." Yuri gaped at him a bit skeptically.
Viktor paused, but then reached up to rub a hand uneasily on the back of his neck, "No, I guess it is. ...Let's just do this thing and go."
The younger figure remained where he was for a few more seconds, but then turned reluctantly on his heel to step further inside. A little while later, with a few questions to staff and a few more-than-obvious signs that had been missed, they were making their way up to the 3rd floor. Yuri considered going by the gift-shop to buy something, but with Viktor looking like he was ready to jump out of his skin...or out a window...just to get out of the building, he thought better of it. When they finally got to the small waiting room, Yuri wasn't even sure if he should ask the man to follow him in to the visit, so he paused at the edge of the nearest old couch and cautiously looked back.
"Why don't you wait here? I know there's no love between you and JJ, so I won't bore you."
"I'm not even sure why you're here." Viktor confirmed, stepping by to find a seat that looked the least dirty, but decided to remain standing instead.
"I just feel like it's the right thing to do."
"The right thing to do?" The Russian practically scoffed, "He was being an idiot. If you hadn't clipped him with your skate, and he'd have walked away completely unhurt, while you still bonked your head on the ice? I don't even know what I woul-"
Two fingers came up to the man's lips to stop him, "...Don't dwell on it. He's paying for what happened." Yuri pulled his hand back, stuffing both into his jacket pockets awkwardly, "...I'll be back in a few minutes." He waited a moment anyway, thinking maybe Viktor would want to hug him before he left, but nothing came except an unenthused, all-but-vacant stare. Grumble-whining to himself quietly under his breath, the shorter skater turned and started heading down the appropriate hallway, vanishing around a corner a moment later.
He stopped just around the corner and leaned against the wall, half tempted to go back and just leave.
Viktor's acting really weird...even worse now since we left the rink. Is this him still being mad at me for the Lutz during my SP practice? Why is he being so distant...? Other than tying my coat around my head, he hasn't touched me since talking to Chris and Yakov...
His brow furrowed, but he pushed off the wall and made his last few steps before finding the door to the room he'd been told he'd find the younger skater. When he pushed open the ajar door, he saw a long room with curtains pulled between different beds. There were at least six other people inside, and only one of them was familiar...Isabella, sitting at the far end near a wall with a big window overlooking the parking lot, sitting in a chair with some boring hospital-provided magazine in her hands. She didn't notice the skater approaching until he was practically looking over her shoulder, rounding the edge of the curtain to spot JJ still sitting on the hospital bed with his leg in a sling, holding his foot above heart-level.
"...Yuri?" JJ was stunned, "...What are you doing here?"
He shrugged his shoulders up briefly, "Thought I'd come to see how you were doing. I heard that your family is packing you up to go home today."
"...Yeah." The nervous younger figure answered, looking away a little like it hurt just to admit it, "...You really did a number on me."
"I didn't mean to."
"I know."
The silence weighed down on the three of them like a thick fog, making the entire room heavy.
"How are you doing?" Isabella wondered, putting the magazine aside, "We heard that you were going to stay in the competition despite what happened."
"...I guess so." He nodded, "I want to. Viktor still hasn't decided yet."
"You're the one that's skating for Japan, not him." JJ pointed out stiffly, "It should be your choice."
"He's my coach, no different than your parents." Yuri pointed out, "Unlike me though, where I just jokingly put on that badge and claim to be here as Viktor's coach, he actually has power over my skating. If he says no, that's it."
"The way you've gotten so good since Sochi, if Viktor pulls you, people will think it's because he wants to make the competition easier." The Canadian crossed his arms and looked on rather seriously, "It would look pretty bad."
"Viktor plans on dropping as well if he decides it's not safe for me to skate." The Japanese skater retorted, "For exactly that sort of reason. ...Not that he would need to remove me from the event to take Gold. He did just set a Free Skate record that'll probably last a hundred years."
"Tsh..."
Yuri sighed, "I guess you're doing fine then if you can still manage to be like this." He turned on his heel and started moving like he was leaving, "I just wanted to say hi and that I hope you feel better soon."
"Wait, Yuri-"
He paused with one foot extended into the second step, but glanced back over his shoulder warily, seeing JJ looking back at him anxiously.
"...Sorry, I'm just..." The dour Canadian started, slouching back against the raised part of the bed behind him, "...I'm just mad about my situation. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. I know it's no excuse, but...I was being stupid last night."
Yuri just looked on, trying not to let an eyebrow quirk.
"It's just been a habit for so long to try and intimidate the competition... People did it to me all the time when I was still learning. Maybe I learned to do the wrong things, trying to show off...either to impress people or to scare them... Obviously, if that kind of thing just lands me a situation like this...it's not worth it." JJ confessed quietly, "For what it's worth...the whole time I was making my rounds around the ice, it was because I was trying to scare Otabek...not you."
"He spooked you last year." Yuri offered, "I guess I can understand. I've...gotten somewhat arrogant too when confronted by someone who's gotten under my skin."
The flash of Yurio's first arrival in Hasetsu came to mind then, and how confident he himself had become at the knowledge that the teen had come all the way from Russia to try and stop the plans he'd developed with Viktor. But...that just made him think about the way things were in the present moment...and he had to close his eyes and shake his head to get rid of it.
"Arrogant..." JJ echoed, looking at his toes where they peeked out from under the bulky dressings around his ankle, "...I guess what I did didn't have the desired effect then."
"I don't remember what happened." The older figure answered, "But to tell you the truth, most of us do tend to avoid you because you come on too aggressively. We're all here because we like the sport, not because we want to hurt each other. If you dialed it back a little, maybe people wouldn't run when they see you coming."
"You aren't running."
Yuri shook his head gently, "No, not right now. But that's because I came to you." He huffed a quiet laugh and looked up, stepping a bit closer again, "I remember when you came to the Detroit club, where Phichit-kun and I were already training...you tried to hire Celestino to be your coach, but you spent so much time and energy telling him how to do his job, or arguing against his advice, that he declined to take you on. I'm not sure how many coaches you tried to train with before you ended up working with your parents...but the thing is...after so many rejections, some might think you would've learned something."
"...I had always thought it was their problem." JJ said simply, "But...I guess, better late than never... When it comes right down to it, when something consistently goes wrong, one has to really look at what the common denominators are. In all those cases, the one consistent thing...was me." He lowered his head, eyes looking down so far that they looked closed, "I'm sure that people have been trying to tell me this exact sort of thing for years, but I either misunderstood or didn't listen." He looked up again, and to Yuri's surprise, extended his hand, "I'm sorry that it took nearly forcing you out of competition for me to realize it. I never meant to hurt you and I'm so sorry that I took you down with me."
Brown eyes blinked at the hand, but Yuri stepped forward gladly and took it, feeling the firm grasp as the younger figure's fingers closed around it, "We all learn in our own ways and in our own time. It's a never-ending process." He pulled his hand back, but only long enough to lift his other arm and step a foot closer to the edge of the bed, "So take care of yourself, and come back to competition when you're ready."
Even JJ was surprised when the older figure stepped in to hug him, even more so than when he'd done so at Rostelecom the year before. At least back then, Yuri had sought out any warm-body at all that he could latch onto, hugging people with the mindless joy of realizing he'd somehow managed to squeak into the Final. But in this moment, Yuri was fully in control of his faculties, still extending that kindness that next to no one had ever shown...and it was meant for him. JJ collected himself a moment later, and returned the hug, awkward as it was, and soon after, Yuri pulled back again to pat his shoulder.
"I follow you on Instagram, so keep me updated on how you're doing." The older skater said, "I'll be looking forward to your big come-back."
.
The drive back to the hotel was almost as silent as the trip to the hospital, with Viktor having precious little to say, even when conversation was attempted. Yuri eventually gave up, not sure what else to do when his points were being responded to with little more than 'yeah' or 'sure.' The walk into the hotel from the parking garage, the rise up the elevator, the walk down the hall and actually going into the room...all in awkward, tense, confusing silence.
When they were finally in though, Yuri pulled his coat off, hung it, and kicked his shoes off...opened his mouth...and stopped.
"Sit." Viktor said simply, his back to his husband, setting the keys down on the nearby table with a jingle.
The younger skater was stiff as a board, feeling his back straighten so quickly that it might as well have made a whip-sound. His eyes were wide in surprise and he felt a sinking pit grow in his stomach, especially since the Russian still hadn't turned around to look at him.
"We need to talk."