A year. One whole year since El and I married. Byleth smiles to herself, leisurely stuffing her hands behind her head and digging her knuckles into the lush vibrant grass she's sprawled out on. The sky's almost blindly bright, and the sun is slowly littering her eyes with little white spots that she has to blink away every couple of seconds. She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head fast enough for her bangs to shift around and tickle her lashes.

Df Df Df Df!

Those heavy footsteps can only belong to one person. Byleth grins as she kicks herself off of the ground and spins on her heel with her arms thrown out for a hug. Of course, the emperor leans in with ease and fixes her wife with a crooked smile. Byleth glances around again. She spends almost all of her time out here in the palace's massive garden anyhow. Mostly she just watches the huge fountain do its thing while making small talk with a bunch of the gardeners who always find some sort of bush to busy themselves with. Now that I think about it, I have no idea how those women don't go crazy walking around in circles all day. ...Perhaps I should invite them to go fishing with me sometime soon. Now gloved fingers are snapping in her face.

"Earth to the empress," Edelgard sings, rolling her eyes playfully.

"Wow, that was a good eye roll, El."

"If you'd prefer a good punch to the stomach, I'd be happy to indulge you." Byleth winces and takes one big step backwards. Of course there was no malice to the words.

"...Maybe not," Byleth chuckles, rubbing her head. "So what was it you needed, my love?" Edelgard busies her hands with her skirt, as she sucks in a sharp breath. "Uh oh. That's never a good sign."

"You'd be correct," Edelgard starts hesitantly. "Lysithea has contacted me." Byleth's eyes twitch. "Yes. In a letter." Edelgard pulls said letter, done up in a yellow and green envelope, out of her dress pocket and hands it to the empress who snatches it up like a lightning-fast thief. Byleth takes one big breath in. It smells like Claude. Peppermint and spice. Her heart's aching already. "Byleth?" No response. Edelgard moves to touch the side of her wife's face before kissing her furrowed brow. "Would you like me to read it aloud instead?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah maybe that's… maybe that's best after all." She clears her throat hard, handing the letter to Edelgard. The emperor watches Byleth's face, sensing hesitance even still. "It's ok," Byleth says with a weary smile. "Let me hear it, please." The emperor sniffs as she unfolds the note and sticks the envelope in her dress pocket.

"'Dearest Edelgard,' Lysithea writes. 'For you are the only one who can understand the strife I am unrightfully surviving now.'" Byleth already doesn't like where this is going. "'My lungs only act at a mere forty percent capacity. My stomach aches and pushes acids up in my heart that seems to be beating less and less by the week. I fear I really am dying already,'" Edelgard reads quietly, cocking her jaw. "'Yet so young. Twenty. I barely got the chance to drink alcohol. Funny isn't it? But I know you understand, Edelgard. Even if you did baby me about it (I did enjoy all of that cake however).'" Edelgard faintly chuckles at that, but Byleth isn't fooled. She can see Edelgard's eyes water more and more by the second.

"Let me read it."

"No it's quite alr-"

"-Give it to me," Byleth insists, taking it from Edelgard gently. Edelgard sighs, hugging herself as she leans into Byleth's side. Of course the empress is sure to throw her arm around the emperor's shoulders for some comfort. As Byleth reads the next words, her heart comes up in her throat, threatening to choke her up. She won't let it. I won't, dammit. "'Claude asked me to marry him, even after I told him everything. He said something odd, and it kind of seemed like he already knew about my situation. But that couldn't have been you, right Edelgard?'" Byleth grits her teeth for a second. The sinking feeling in her gut tells her she knows where this is going yet again. "It was the empress who told him, yes? Come to think of it, he hasn't talked about her in months. I don't quite understand why, but she must have seriously irked him-' ME?! He was the one who-! Ugh whatever," Byleth groans, being pet on the back by her wife.

"I knew that part would upset you." Byleth just hums irritatedly.

"'-for him to ignore her now. Best friends don't just stop being best friends, right? So… that's why I need to ask you a favor, Edelgard. I need the empress to talk to Claude again.'" Byleth pauses, blinking hard. "'I need her to tell him to give up on me. I've already talked to my parents and… their faces broke me. I can't take off on them now when there's a chance I won't even make it back home. I know you get that. So PLEASE. I can't die knowing someone will drive themselves into the ground for such a lost cause like myself. Please.'"

….

Edelgard takes the note, stuffing it into her pocket carelessly now as she looks to Byleth who's pressing her tongue up inside of her cheek.

"What will we do?" Edelgard asks, keeping her voice soft as she wraps her arms around her wife's neck. Certainly, the best part of being in Enbarr has been Edelgard's shift towards affection. It seems like even out on the streets among the civilians, Edelgard never hesitates to touch Byleth. Perhaps it's because of the lacking threat hiding out in the darkness… or it's just because Edelgard is that hopelessly in love that she can't keep herself away (no matter the reason, the empress will never be caught complaining). Byleth hugs Edelgard back, although unenthusiastically with one measly arm. "Should I seek Claude out myself? Or should I boost the funding to Garreg Mach and have Lindhart and Hanneman's research pushed further out to Brigid's scientists?"

"Definitely do that second part," Byleth says. "As for Claude, I'll… figure something out." As for what that is, I have no idea. The fingers playing with the ends of her hair serve as a distraction however. Byleth pulls back to look at Edelgard's softer face. It really seems like she's been smiling more too. It's so so welcome, and it makes Byleth's insides feel ten times lighter. "...Can all of this heavy stuff wait until tomorrow?" Byleth asks tiredly.

"Tch. You never change, my light." Byleth smirks, squeezing Edelgard's waist as she looks her wife's new dress up and down. It's a dress that covers up everything just like her old one, but instead of crimson, it's burgundy, and the skirt is one part black lace with silk underneath so as not to see the emperor's legs fully.

"Seems like you dressed up," Byleth comments knowingly, flicking her wife's nose. "I adore the muted colors on you. It feels… even more mature, I suppose." Edelgard hums grittily, as she presses a wet kiss to the underside of Byleth's jaw just to hear Byleth go- "Nnnngh."

"I was sure last night would have been far and away enough to prove that I am indeed mature," Edelgard purrs. Byleth thinks back to all of those wonderful things that her and Edelgard did well into the morning and her eyes roll back into her head. She clumsily has to grab onto Edelgard tighter so as not to fall backwards like a complete fool. "Besides," Edelgard bites at the lobe of her wife's ear, "It's our anniversary today," Edelgard licks around the shell of her ear now, "And last night was just a warm-up for the main course tonight." At that, Byleth shivers violently. The kind that makes your bones ache and your skin erupt in goosebumps.

"Well you-You better-I-" Byleth groans at the laugh Edelgard's coughing up at her expense. "Whatever." Byleth roughly slams her mouth against Edelgard's suddenly, ignoring the gardener who's just gasped before very obviously sprinting away in fear of Edelgard's no-doubt loud scolding that should come. She's sure to mess up every bit of Edelgard's lipstick too, sucking and biting and licking as if they didn't just do this hours prior. Byleth pulls off with a satisfied whine. "I was trying to say, that you bet I have plans for you tonight as well." Slightly dazed looking, Edelgard nods stiffly as she wipes her lips with her thumb, just to have that thumb bit by Byleth.

"Ow." The smirking empress just bites down harder until Edelgard sets her straight with a hard whack against the shoulder.

"OW! I don't have strength like you do anymore, El! No fair."

"Yes yes," Edelgard chuckles, shrugging indifferently. "I so much as tap you and you go crying." Byleth pouts at her now. "Oh stop it," Edelgard laughs again, pinching Byleth's cheek. "Now let us carry on with our day. I have plans for our supper."

"Good. Because I have plans for our lunch." Byleth excitedly takes Edelgard's hand and starts dragging her further into the gardens. "Come on! Move those feet, El!"

"I'm walking just as spritely as you," Edelgard argues curtly.

"It's not fast enough," Byleth whines, nearly pulling Edelgard's arm from its socket now as they hurry past the gold gates that lead out towards Enbarr's lush forest.

"I know not what to tell you then," Edelgard jokes, waving to a civilian off in the distance.

"Carry me and then you can use that crest of yours to teleport us or whatever it is you do." Narrowly missing a branch that Byleth just ducked under without warning Edelgard, the emperor barks out her disapproval.

"Are you trying to behead me? I hope you realize that'd mean you'd have to rule on your lonesome."

"Mhm," Byleth acknowledges boredly, hopping over a fallen tree.

"And that would mean you'd have to pay attention to meetings… you know, the ones you always skip."

"They're so boring," Byleth complains breathily. "I rather watch paint dry."

"As would I. Yet I attend each one without complaint." Byleth turns around and grins at Edelgard cockily. "...What?"

"That's only because I fuck your brains out the morning of." Edelgard coughs, looking off to the side where a very interesting tree suddenly catches her eyes.

"...Even still," Edelgard chokes out. Typical of Edelgard, she ignores the teasing for a while and follows the empress in an embarrassed silence. Though there's another twenty minutes of walking hand in hand and they have yet to arrive. "Bylethhhhh."

"I know, I know! Just… give me a second to remember where…." Edelgard stops in her tracks, forcing Byleth to halt as she whacks her empress's shoulder yet again. "Ow!"

"Do you mean to tell me you know not where we are going?"

"Well."

"Ugh. My word," Edelgard mumbles, shaking her head at the yellowing leaves overhead. Byleth drops Edelgard's hand and checks the direction they're headed by looking at the fresh moss caking the bark. Then it clicks. She beckons Edelgard over, and they walk for another minute before they hear the quiet hiss of a small creek where little fish swim about above sparkly rocks and live plants. Once they finally push their way out from the forest, Edelgard's jaw drops at the intimacy of the area Byleth has found, and she smiles foolishly at the red and white checkered blanket laid out amongst the short acid green grass. "Byleth," she breathes in awe. Byleth happily (and very casually) drops down on the blanket with her ankles crossed out in front of her. She holds a hand out for Edelgard to take as she fiddles with the small metal container at her side.

"Remember way back, when you told me you wished you could just have a day to eat all the sweets you'd ever want?" Edelgard's smile somehow widens as she settles into her wife's soft and warm side with her own legs tucked up under her backside. Byleth then pulls out about three different cakes, four donuts, three varying slices of pie, and one small cookie. "You definitely earned it, my emperor." Edelgard just leans forward, taking in the ridiculous amount of love that went into every part of this. She can't imagine how many people Byleth had to get in the kitchen to do this (and she's sure Byleth took on most of the baking herself so as not to waste other's time). And that fact that after all these years, Byleth still remembers such an offhand comment a silly eighteen year old made…. It says so much about the woman Byleth is. She's the only person in the world who can make Edelgard feel truly special for all of the right reasons. Surely, Edelgard's heart is pounding out of her chest right now.

"I'm so thankful," Edelgard swears, shaking her head in disbelief as she cradles the empress's face in her gloved hands for a moment.

"It was nothing," Byleth shrugs, handing Edelgard a nicely polished fork. "Dig in, baby. Oh! Can I feed you myself?"

"Absolutely not."

"Dammit," Byleth cries. "Fine. But you should still go first. I didn't sprint all this way this morning for nothing. I hope it's still moist and not all soggy." Edelgard busies herself with a piece of the first vanilla cake slice that's coated with chocolate frosting and white chocolate shavings. When it touches her tongue, her mouth just about sets off ten bombs of taste buds that blow her mind to bits.

"This is delicious!" Edelgard sings, kissing Byleth in thanks. The sweet cake on Edelgard's lips transfers to the empress's, who licks her own lips happily. "How did you manage to get all the way over here without my knowing?" Byleth chuckles, trying out a piece of Edelgard's cake with her own fork.

"That's why you saw me passed out on the grass. I ran about as fast as when Rhea spit fire at me." They both giggle at the memory despite it all. "I do have something else," she mentions much more seriously. Edelgard has to narrow her eyes.

"My light. You spoil me thoroughly." Byleth purses her lips as she reaches into the metal box one more time to pull out a black velvet box that looks to fit something like jewelry. For whatever reason, Byleth's fiddling with it as she fixes it with a glare.

"I'm sorry," Byleth mumbles, looking at Edelgard straight in the eyes again.

"How do you mean? This day is already perfect."

"No I… I know you don't like when I pry into your old life. But. I did. And that's how I found this." Edelgard stiffens up a bit, not exactly sure where any of this could possibly be going. She takes the box Byleth hands her and braces herself, hardly even breathing as she pops the lid.

….

"H-how did you possibly…?" All of the air leaves her lungs as the indigo diamonds and silver chain shines brilliantly in the sun. Edelgard's eyes instantly fill with bittersweet tears as her heart squeezes painfully. She puts a shaky hand over her mouth to stop the whimper that's sure to come snaking up out of her throat any second now. Byleth quickly wraps her arms around Edelgard's waist and caresses the emperor's tense temple with her lips. She's here for Edelgard. That's the only thing it could mean.

"You never talk about your siblings, and I completely understand why." It was too painful. There was too much wrongfully felt guilt. "But you mentioned your sister Elincia once." Edelgard flinches at the name… even after all this time.

Years Ago:

"Sis! Sissssss~!" Edelgard, sweeping back her long brown hair with a rough brush has to roll her eyes.

"What is it, Elincia?" Her sister bounces around their shared bedroom without a care in the world. Just like always. And then Elincia starts bouncing on Edelgard's bed, dirty shoes and all. "Gyah! Get your stupid shoes off of MY bed!" Edelgard drops her brush loudly and rushes towards her sister with a fist raring to go.

"Aaaah! Hahaha!" Elincia makes a game out of it, dodging Edelgard as she tries swiping at Elincia's legs. She just laughs even more manically when Edelgard tries to throw her shoulders into Elincia's side while keeping off of her own bed.

"Come onnnnn," Edelgard cries, stomping her foot on the marble tiles. "I just made my bed! Get off!" Elincia gives it one more good bounce before she hops off.

"Catch me sis!" Edelgard yelps in surprise as her sister (who is certainly five inches taller than Edelgard herself) comes flying towards her. Edelgard jumps up to catch Elincia halfway, but then-

DOOF! BFFF!

"AH! Dang it," Elincia whines, pushing herself off of Edelgard's chest and forcing the younger girl's breath to be knocked out of her lungs once again. Edelgard coughs, trying to get herself off the floor that she just smacked her head on good enough for it to feel like it's bleeding. Edelgard's pretty sure she's seeing two of everything now. "Whoops," Elincia laughs.

"Yeah. 'Whoops,' is right you big idiot."

"Hey!" Elincia snickers, brushing her full-bangs out of her face. They were getting too long again, and Edelgard knew she'd probably have to cut them for her big sister soon. Isn't it kind of pathetic for Edelgard to be doing everything her sister says? ...No point arguing she figures, seeing as she'll do it anyway. She watches as her sister's indigo blue eyes renew with their own blazing light.

"What now?" Edelgard asks boredly, rubbing at the back of her head again.

"We should dance!"

"Pffft. No thanks," Edelgard dismisses easily, shoving her sister as she fixes her comforter yet again. Too bad her sister takes that as her que to sit down on Edelgard's hands. "..."

"Stop being such a downer all the time, El. You should learn how to dance for when you're the emperor." And there's that sad look on Elincia's face. The one that wrinkles her nose and puckers her lips. Edelgard jerks her hands out from under her sister's butt just to shove her again.

"Stop saying I'll be emperor! We have five other siblings you know." And there's that other look. The one that gives Edelgard the creeping suspicion that Elincia may have been hanging out around the adults for too long, and she heard something she shouldn't have. Yet Edelgard never asks what that secret is, even when she knows Elincia would tell her everything. But they both know Edelgard can't handle it. Sometimes that keeps the girl awake at night, when all she looks at is her ceiling that she knows every inch of.

"You're going to be emperor one day. Emperor Edelgard," Elincia sings. It sounds so… broken. Her voice cracks as she says, "Emperor El."

"You're El," Edelgard reminds her, putting a defiant hand on her hip. Elincia smiles gently, running her hands down Edelgard's bare arms now.

"Well. Only to you. Just like how you're my El, El." She giggles light heartedly as she taps Edelgard's nose. Of course the young girl frowns at this.

"I only like it when you call me that," Edelgard admits, leaning in somewhat reluctantly as she silently asks her sister to touch her again. Elincia does so earnestly. As her older sister's long nimble fingers play with Edelgard's hair, Edelgard finds herself staring at the diamond necklace around Elincia's neck. She remembers being jealous when her sister got it nearly four years back. She didn't understand why their father got her something so elegant while he only ever gave Edelgard practical things like shoes and hair ties. Not even their other siblings ever got things like that. But… they all understood. Their father and most of the palace's staff always liked Elincia the best. They spoiled her through and through. But it was clear Elincia hated it. Any gifts she got she almost always gave to Edelgard instead, but not that necklace. That necklace never left her sister's neck. Years later, Edelgard still never had the chance to find out why.

"One day someone real special will call you that. And you'll finally thaw that frozen little heart of yours, sis." Edelgard scoffs.

"My heart is fine, thank you." Elincia flicks her nose again, and then Edelgard flicks Elincia's just to have her's flicked again, and so the vicious cycle continues until they're curled up in a ball on the floor kicking each other around as sisters do. "I'm. Going. To. Win!" Edelgard lands one good fake punch to Elincia's stomach and the older girl dramatically grunts and pretends to cry out in defeat.

"Uncle! Uncle!"

"Gross, don't call out for him," Edelgard chides, lifting her sister off of the floor. "Goddess, if Father saw us acting out like this… he'd have a day."

"Who cares," Elincia laughs, waving a hand in the air. "Besides. Getting in trouble with you is what I do best." As tough as Edelgard may act… that sentiment feels far too accurate to debate. Edelgard finally holds out a hand and puts one foot behind the other. She has to laugh at the doughy-eyed look Elincia gives her now.

"May I have this… stupid… stupid dance, now?" Elincia theatrically bends at the waist and raises her skirt up like a ball gown before bowing her head.

"Yes you may!"

They spent an hour dancing, laughing, hugging, and talking, until their feet grew shaky and their voices became raspy. It was one of the best days Edelgard had ever had, and it was all topped off by a slice of vanilla cake with chocolate frosting and white chocolate shavings.

Present:

"I found that necklace out here, buried by a rock that said 'El' on it." Edelgard's face becomes one of absolute neutrality as she touches the necklace with the tip of one gloved finger. She aches to take off the glove, to in this round-about way, feel her sister yet again. But she knows it will hurt. Possibly sting. It will cut too deep to be stitched or healed. So she just deals with this barrier of touch. One of distanced affection. "...Edelgard? Are you mad at me?" Byleth bites at her lip as she closely watches her wife's rapid breathing wrack her chest. Edelgard squeezes her eyes shut before she silently shuts the box, pressing it against her chest as she takes one big gulp of air in.

You left with Uncle before me. Three weeks exactly. It was a Monday. At nine A.M. you woke me up to say you were visiting the forest. I remember I swore at you for waking me up. You just hit my leg and left with a laugh. I remember you were holding this necklace in your hands. I just dismissed it… just as I did so many other things back then. So you must have buried it that morning. I really wonder why. Perhaps you finally fell out of touch with your idea of who Father was, like I had. You idolized him, yet you hated your mother. She was a cheater though. You hated cheaters. That's why I never cheated, I just lied. I got so good at lying, didn't I… El?

I remember seeing you down there. Down in that wretched place. You were there with our brothers. You watched their bodies decay didn't you? You watched the rats eat their muscle just… just like… just like I watched yours. Uncle p-put us in the same room. You were dying already. I… remember how pale your deep blue eyes looked on that last night. They were nearly white. You said it was from staring up at the light the doctor's used to see our insides with.

"Fuck," you said as you grabbed at your heart. That was the first time I heard you swear. I remember we laughed. We laughed until we cried, and it hurt. Then you slowly fell forward, and your forehead was pressed against the dirt floor that smelled like feces. You were breathing so hard. Panting. I remember I stopped laughing. "Hey, El?" You said. "When you're emperor, you better get reven-Argh! Reveng-nggh!" I tried to talk, but my voice just didn't come. "And… and don't l-let anyone call-NNN-CALL you EL, u-unless they're your forever. Just like you, are my forever, sis." I remember my eyes watered, but no tears fell.

"You're El," I said as I grit my teeth.

"Not a-anymoRE. I… wish we could daCEe right now," you laughed, coughing after. I remember chunks of something came out of your mouth. I remember I closed my eyes. I couldn't move. I just sat against the wall with my hands limp at my sides. They had just cut into my thighs that day. "Hey Edelgard?"

"...Yeah?"

"Be El for me, alright? Be… in dark… it's really… dark. I… I don't wanna... go." And then you laughed. It was bitter. Unlike any time before.

I stopped laughing for years after that.

She didn't realize she was crying until her whole body was convulsing and her throat was tightening up like a threatened fist. Byleth was quick to embrace her, but that was what, ten minutes ago now? And the tears just won't stop, even as she frantically wipes them away. Byleth keeps whispering in her ear, and it helps more than she can say. Edelgard doesn't want to think anymore. She just can't. Everything in her life up until she met Byleth just hurts and tears her down bit by bit if she so much as thinks about it. She's recovered, but such deep rooted pain… she doesn't know if it will ever get completely better.

"El," Byleth whispers. "I'm right here. I don't know where your head is at, but come back to me, alright?" Edelgard's breath starts to slow, and she counts to ten, then counts to twenty, before she can breathe out of her nose again. All the while, Byleth rubs her back, careful not to touch the one scar along her spine that always sends her into a panic attack in moments like these. Edelgard never said why that was, and Byleth never asked. She just knows. Byleth knows. She always knows. Somehow. Edelgard throws her arms around her wife's neck and sighs. All of the tension that was forcing her head to come pressing in on itself finally stops.

"Byleth?" Her voice is so small. So much like it was when she was young and innocent.

"What is it?"

"Thank you," Edelgard says. Byleth lets out a weary breath.

"I'm not sure this was a good gift on a day we're supposed to be happy about. I'm sorry for such a thoughtless thing."

"No." Edelgard pulls back with her puffy red eyes and wet face to stare into Byleth's now. "No. Everything you've done today was nothing like 'thoughtless' behavior. You reminded me of my old self… and you reunited me with my sister." Byleth smiles sadly at that. "It means everything to me. Everything." Byleth nods her head, finally understanding as she rests her forehead against Edelgard's.

"I love you so much El." Edelgard laughs then. A hearty yet breathless one.

"You have no idea, my heart."

Later in the Day:

Once the two get back from the forest, and Byleth shoos anyone who tries talking to them away, they sneak their way up to the top of the palace. It's just one floor above their master bedroom and Edelgard's study, yet it has a massive sky light that lights up the flooring that depicts a very intricately designed white carnation that's about ten feet wide both ways. Around the pattern are curved loveseats upholstered with black satin. The first time Edelgard took Byleth here, she told her of how often she used to come up here, all alone, just to read or draw as a child. It's where she fell in love with carnations, too. Go figure. Now they've found comfort on one of the seats, resting against each other with their fingers interlaced as they look up at the sky that's already beginning to darken.

"I hate how early the sun goes down in Fall," Edelgard comments, speaking quietly. Byleth hums. "It feels somewhat sad. It reminds me that winter is coming and the year will be over."

"Then why did you pick Fall for our wedding date?" Edelgard tips her head to the side, resting it against Byleth's broad shoulder.

"Fall is beautiful. It's soft wind can become brutal, yet never harsh. Every leaf is special, and they grace the hard ground with their presence as they come drifting down from way up in the trees that dig into the Earth. The leaves and the ground are always connected, you see. They always have a place inside of one another, yet it takes time for every part of them to meet." Edelgard smiles faintly and peers up at her wife the best she can. "Does that not sound like us?"

"That was beautiful," Byleth admits, holding Edelgard's shoulder tighter. "You truly never stop surprising me, El."

"Same goes for you." They sit there in a comfortable silence for the next few minutes, and after a while, Byleth pulls Edelgard's gloves off so she can run her thumbs over all of Edelgard's defined knuckles. Slowly Byleth leans in to kiss Edelgard's cheek, then her forehead, then the top of her head, and then back down, kissing her eyelid and her nose. Soon Edelgard tips her head back and presses her lips against Byleth's. They hum in satisfaction when their lips slightly part, and they dance their tongues over each other with faint pressure. The heat that sizzles under their skins urges them to kiss harder, longer, more, until Byleth is on her back, wrapped up in Edelgard's body and clothes. All she can see is light skin and white hair, and this is exactly what I want, Byleth thinks. This is perfect. She drags her hands down from Edelgard's sides to the back of her thighs so she can pull the emperor over her waist. If she can just-perfect again.

"Mmm," Edelgard moans in the back of her throat, grinding down into Byleth again with all of her weight in her waist. Edelgard starts rocking on her hips, back and forth, over and over until her pristine dress is wrinkled and pushed up her thighs by Byleth's wandering hands. The heavy lidded look in those indigo eyes is probably Edelgard's only addiction in life. "Byleth. More?"

"Are you asking or telling me?" Byleth teases as she kneads Edelgard's breast. Of course, not wanting to be outdone, Edelgard pins that hand on her breast down against the arm of the chair and plays with Byleth's breast through her black shirt.

"Take my mind off of everything," Edelgard demands, blindly kicking her heels off with frustrated huffs until they drop loudly down to the floor. "I want to only think of you." She whines when Byleth's fingers begin to pull down the thick stockings underneath her skirt. "I love you," she sings for the thousandth time today alone. "Make love to me. Please." Byleth looks up at her, with her mouth just an inch away from the apex of Edelgard's soaked thighs before she presses a soft kiss to her mound.

"I love you too, El. More than anything." And so she takes her first tentative lick that easily has Edelgard's back arching. For the sake of space, Edelgard stays hovering above Byleth's face instead of lying flat on the couch. It's new. It's… so so good. She can move her hips easily, and she finds herself riding Byleth's tongue as she digs her fingers into the blue hair she adores. It's also nice to be able to watch Byleth's eyes flutter open and closed depending on how quickly her tong-

"Hh-hnnngh!" Edelgard's jaw drops open and her head tips forward enough for her chin to touch her clavicle. "Right there," Edelgard pants, pressing Byleth's head closer to her clitoris again. Byleth always gets it right. She sucks, nearly too hard before she licks and nips, and that weightless feeling sparks up from where Byleth's mouth is all the way up to Edelgard's head.

Pant. Pant. Pant.

Keep going, Edelgard says inside of her mind. Don't stop do-nnngh. She's so good to me! Edelgard yips when Byleth swirls her tongue around her actual opening. She's holding her own breath. And then there's a jab underneath her left shoulder blade that causes her breath to hitch. She glances behind herself. Byleth's hands are still on my thighs. Edelgard just dismisses it.

"E-El," Byleth hums, sucking hard on Edelgard's lips. "You taste amazing." Lick. Lick. Suck. "You're bucking up. Are you going to finish for me soon?" Edelgard whimpers and nods stiffly as she grabs onto the edge of the couch. The wood is already groaning beneath her fingers.

"Angh! Byleth," she calls desperately. "It's so… mmnnnh!" Byleth starts licking faster. There's that pain in her back again. She forgets about it. Byleth. And now it's back, deeper now in her muscle. Byleth. It's… twisting. Twisting and pushing in towards the middle of her torso. She's gritting her teeth, and all of her moans have an edge of something rough, something frustrated in them. Edelgard doesn't notice that Byleth is watching her. Just focus on Byleth. Not this again. It's fine. You're fine Edelgard. Ungh her TONGUE! The second she opens her mouth to bark out a long moan, the stabbing pain that started in her back, pierces through her heart and cuts through the skin of her breast. Edelgard clutches her chest and falls forward, nearly stumbling off of the couch before Byleth awkwardly holds her up by her thighs.

"Edelgard?!" I'm bleeding. I must be. Edelgard messily slips off of Byleth's face, and her rumpled skirt drops back down. Her legs are shaking so badly that they feel about as useful as a foot balancing on ten inch nails. She looks at her hand that's twitching, and there's not a speck of blood nor a matching wound. Then her heart knots up again, and she cries out louder than before. She's growing panicked. There's an uncomfortable heat burning her neck and face, and her heart keeps twisting and flipping around inside of her chest and she's losing her mind. "Sit sit sit," Byleth begs her, grabbing Edelgard's elbow.

"I'm-I'm fine."

"Edelgard you're crying." The emperor has to reach up to her own face to believe it. And then BAM. Another wave of nausea and heartburn that has her gagging. Byleth forcefully sets Edelgard on the couch and rubs her sides as she reminds Edelgard to breathe slower.

"I…"

"What do you need?" Byleth asks in all seriousness. Edelgard hates seeing her wife this worried. Byleth's kissing her cheeks, patting away the painful tears with her dry lips.

"I just need you," Edelgard finally manages. She's still rubbing at her chest. "I've never had that happen before. Honestly I'm unsure of what to-ergh-think."

….

Byleth shifts her weight, leaning into Edelgard's side as they sit. There's this searing anxiety burning the back of Byleth's neck as her mind starts to grasp at straws.

….

"...What if you're like Lysithea?" Byleth questions, nearly whispering as her eyes fall shut. Edelgard stiffens against her arm, and that anxiety spreads down her back and hops over every ridge in her spine so she can twitch awkwardly.

….

"What if I am?" Edelgard retorts, sounding tense as can be. Byleth rubs the side of her face that's warm to the touch and sighs jaggedly.

"What if you are?" Byleth repeats loudly. "Edelgard what the hell am I supposed to do if you die? What-!" Byleth jerks off of the couch and kicks over the short cherry side table out of spite. "Weak," Byleth hisses and lifts her leg just to crush her foot down on the table. It breaks… but it takes so much effort, because her back is slouching and her breath is hitching as the picture in her mind becomes clearer. If Edelgard really is like Lysithea… "Dammit," Byleth sniffs, choking on tears she's swallowing down as elegantly as rocks. She can't see anything out of her foggy eyes so she just slaps her hand over them and sucks in hard. "N-need to see Claude. And Hubert. Hanneman and Lindhart even. I'm leaving tonight." Hearing Edelgard shift, Byleth steps away further. She's not the kind of person who likes comfort when she cries. Not at all. "C-Can't rest until I at least-"

"-Leave tomorrow if you must-"

"-Tonight," Byleth repeats.

"No," Edelgard huffs, wincing as her chest spasms again. It's thankfully more toned down this time. "No you're ill equipped and you'll be running on pure-"

"-I'm going tonight," Byleth says again. She sounds gritty, and her nails are digging into the skin next to her eyes which she's still covering. It hurts. Edelgard clenches her fists, running out of patience.

"Byleth you're being rash no-"

"-Edelgard I'm GOING!"

….

The both of them stare at each other with equal surprise on their faces as their hands hang limply at their sides. Byleth's never yelled at Edelgard, never even raised her voice no matter how heated the argument may have gotten. But with the amount of pressure from the back of Byleth's eyes, and the tightness of her throat on top of the countless images of a tombstone with Edelgard's name engraved floating around in Byleth's head, she had just about burst. And now that she's let out aggression like this in… she can't even remember how long, it just keeps building. She finds her jaw slackening and her face twisting from one of sorrow to one of anger as she stares at the claw foot of the seat in front of her.

"This has happened before hasn't it, El?" Edelgard doesn't respond, and Byleth refuses to look up right now, because even she is scared to imagine what her own face looks like at this moment. Edelgard isn't what's making her angry. She could never make Byleth feel like this. "Tell me!"

"...Please don't shout at me," Edelgard requests quietly. The cushion of the loveseat compresses audibly and Byleth glances out of the corner of her eye to watch the emperor sit down. Edelgard's slouched over with her elbows on her knees that are shaking, and there have only been a handful of moments Byleth can remember her wife looking this uncomposed (and it always scares the empress deep down). "Will you sit?" Byleth doesn't budge. "I was just scared the first time it happened. It was never quite so violent however, when it first happened last month. Truly I just ignored it… until it happened last week, and it caused me to drop a glass I was sipping from. A loss of muscular control, chest pain, trouble breathing, or overall pain on the left side… all things Lysithea has complained of before. Months ago. Therefore I'm not quite as advanced into it as her." Byleth breathes out, rubbing her face lethargically before finally sitting down against the emperor's side. It's when she looks up at Edelgard who's watching her with sad furrowed brows and nauseated narrowed eyes that Byleth lets go of any irritation and pulls her wife in for a desperate hug.

"I shouldn't have yelled. It's not even you that I'm upset with," Byleth explains, pressing her face into Edelgard's somewhat damp neck. "El. Why didn't you tell me? I'm your wife," Byleth stresses. "I need to know everything that's going on so I can be there for you just like you are for me." Edelgard faintly chuckles, running her fingers through Byleth's hair.

"The amount of times I have helped you is a pitiful amount compared to all of the things you have done for my sake."

"It's not a competition."

"I know," Edelgard clarifies weakly.

"I… I don't want you to die," Byleth whimpers, feeling silly at her own tone. Even though she's slowly grown used to showing emotion over the past year, she still struggles with grief. Crying is just not something she likes doing. And when it comes to crying about Edelgard, it feels even worse, because Edelgard hates pity more than any injustice. Still, Byleth thinks to herself solemnly. It's not like El will stop to feel sorry for herself. Maybe in the end, I am the one who will have to cry for her. The fingers in Byleth's hair tighten in a comforting sort of way, as though they're reminding her who's arms she is in. "I-it's not fair, Edelgard," she sniffs, losing the battle when it comes to holding back her tears apparently. "Why can't things just go your way? Why can-sniff-can't anything be easy for you after everything you g-go through? Hick!" Edelgard's hands start rubbing up and down Byleth's back, easing any hiccups out of her. It's funny she's the one being soothed; Byleth hates it. Quickly does the empress wipe her wretched tears away and straightens up so she can pull Edelgard into her chest and assume the role of the stronger one for now. "I'm not going to let you die."

"...Byleth," Edelgard starts, looking up at Byleth with a cautious gaze that reminds the old professor of the Edelgard from back then more than the woman she is now. "For days now, I've been pondering what I'd say to you tonight. About us. More specifically, about why I love you so much." Byleth nods encouragingly and digs her fingers into Edelgard's waist. With a look of bewilderment, Edelgard presses her palm against her wife's heart, cherishing the beat as she closes her eyes for a moment. "For so long I wallowed in my misery, pushing everyone and everything away until I was so filled with hate that it's all I saw. Of course, without blaming anyone, people latched onto such energy and urged me deeper in until my entire body was submerged in water that I had no way to come up from. But then you came," she says softly, smiling just barely. "Yes I still chose the path that the me of a much harsher mind created, but with you, it felt right. And… those nights," Edelgard shakily recalls, "Those nights where the nightmares irked me and made me truly tested my will to not just… take my own lif-"

"-El."

"No. It's true," Edelgard sternly tells her, bunching her fists in Byleth's shirt. "I stopped caring about my life. I lived for the sake of my fallen siblings, not because of my own self. But you, Byleth. My teacher," she corrects with a loose grin. "You make me want to live. You make me want to do all of these, somewhat silly homey things I'd have never wasted my time with before. I've… even considered children now. Me." That makes Byleth chuckle at least. With a sudden surge of desperation, Edelgard sucks in a breath and reaches for the sides of Byleth's face so she can press a hard, needy kiss against the empress's lips. Pulled back by only an inch, Edelgard tells Byleth that, "I don't want to die." Byleth's eyes widen, but she's not sure why. "I don't want to leave you. I haven't given you nearly enough kisses or made love to you enough or, or just looked at you as much as I'd like to." In sync, the two press their foreheads together.

"You're not gonna die," Byleth swears, sounding undeniably sincere. "You're not gonna die."

"I'm… not going to die," Edelgard reiterates, trying to believe it. "I'm not going to die."