- Chapter 4: Bricks and Bones -

A/N: One reason this took so long was I realize I really messed up when setting up certain things (mostly related to backstory/the Gear. The changes were small, but basically the reason now why Sam didn't use his Gear in the snake fight was b/c he was literally too pooped/hungry. Sorry about that.) (Will move this to bottom in a day or so)

Sometimes, when you've hit rock bottom and all seems hopeless, life decides to throw you a bone. A little miracle, just for you, so as to finally crawl out of that depressing pit and start towards a brighter tomorrow.

And then other times, said bone turns out to be a brick. Life then tells you to hurry up and die already.

"…" Guess which situation I'm in? "Ignis."

From my hand drops a small crimson spark. Coming to rest gently upon stacked kindling, a campfire quickly roars to life. Gentle warmth instantly washes over the small clearing, the smell of wood-smoke mixing with that of the dark forest night.

"Ah-aah..." Curled up, knees to her chin across the way, Asia lets out a squeak of relief.

"Better?"

"Mhm!" Asia looks up across the hearth towards me, the firelight dancing in her eyes as she scoots closer to the fire. "M-much better!"

Huh. It really wasn't that cold yet, was it? Maybe I- oh, for fuck's sake.

A critical eye quickly scans over the silently shivering girl, an action that goes unnoticed as she was currently staring intently at the growing flames. And what I find causes me to inwardly wince. Argh, how'd I manage to forget?! And why hadn't she mentioned anything sooner!?

"..." Tattered and threadbare, her clothing was about as useful against the night's chill as a light-sword was against a nine-tailed fox. Which is to say, not very. "Goddamnit, shortstack."

The blonde flinches, snapping her head to look at me with alarm. "A-ah, sorry!"

"If you're cold, just say something! I can't afford you getting sick!"

"Sorry!"

"..." Great. With every exchange, I feel like even more of a jackass. "A-and stop apologizing for everything! It's annoying!"

"Sorry!"

"..."

"..."

The silence draws on, growing ever louder.

I sigh. Asia sneezes.

"Right then." With a bit of effort, weary limbs are exposed to the chill of the night. You seeing this, you old hag?! I'm being nice! I'm being chivalrous! "Shortstack, think fast."

"Hm? Think fast about w- ow!"

Ouch. Well, note to self: work on reaction time. If you can't dodge a hoodie, you probably can't dodge a fireball (or worse). "The tent got eaten by a werebear, and the sleeping bag's... uh, currently floating somewhere in the Duat, I think. So..." I shrug, before gesturing at the armful of cloth. "Use it or don't, I'm going to sleep."

Without waiting for an answer, I flop over onto my back and make myself as comfortable as I can.

There's a few minutes silence, followed by a bit of muffled movement. And then soon enough, the sound of the crackling fire is all that remains.

Or at least, until there comes a quiet whisper.

"G-good night, Samuel!"

"...Yeah. Night."

The mansion burned.

And boy, did it burn beautifully.

Tongues of brilliant crimson ate away at wood worth its weight in gold, creating a hell-fire that could likely be seen for miles around. Beautifully designed windows cracked and shattered. Paint peeled and shingles broke. A spire of twisted black smoke rose high into the sky, the dark fog juxtaposed by the halo of light right below. And all the while, the inferno's roar grew ever louder.

...Oh.

Oh!

Just to be clear, this wasn't a flashback or anything. The arson was happening in real time! Gotta have at least ten hearts and three special events with me in order to access my dark and mysterious past!

Heh. But in all seriousness, what I said was true.

I was standing back in front of creepy-ass snake mansion, still as creepy as I remembered it. Thankfully, the what would have been multiple hour long trip here from the campsite had been cut to basically nothing, now that I'd enough gas in the tank to actually use my Gear without killing myself.

As for why I was doing this now... well, I couldn't fall asleep. And if I stayed at the campsite any longer, I was liable to murder Asia before morning. I-I mean... god! How could a girl that small snore that loud?!

"GkRgh... Rghhh..." An ominous low moan echoes from the mansion, causing me to twitch. Though thankfully, this particular noise was mundane as can be, and not from a freak-of-nature-blonde or a creepy-snake-demon. Already the roof was sagging, the internal structure barely able to hold under its own weight. Soon, the entire thing was going to collapse in on itself.

Bathed in the warmth of the blaze, I couldn't help but grin savagely. When snake-guy got back from whatever dark corner he'd been banished to... the look on his face...! Hah! I wish I could've been here to see it.

...Or maybe not, actually.

"Hope you have insurance, snake-guy." I mumble out, lifting up an old looking painting to the fire-light. It was one of many vaguely valuable looking artifacts I had... saved. Yeah, heroically saved from the burning mansion. "In my heart, I know you would've wanted me to take these. Always helping the needy. Always fighting the good fight. You were cool like that."

I allow a moment of appreciative silence for the monster.

And then, the moment ends.

"Hey Siri, where's the nearest pawn shop?"

The early morning air is disrupted by a piercing scream, loud and high pitched.

…? … … …!

Eyes snap open, taking in a bright blue sky. Hands come out from under my head as I roll from lying on my back straight onto my knees. Um, alright. Recon? Yeah, recon. What was the situation? Blearily scanning the campsite, I quickly zero in on the problem. Or rather, the absence of the problem.

I let out a tired curse, rubbing away at the remnants of sleep. Maybe late-night arson hadn't been such a good idea after all.

In the corners of my vision, intricate yellow sigils shimmer to visibility in a neat circle around the site. So the wards were untouched. Well that… didn't mean anything good.

My head snaps to the side, as another scream echoes through the surrounding forest. Was that two-faced pretty-boy here already!? No way... r-right?

There's no time to think.

I'm in the woods, blurring straight towards the sounds of action. Fuck me. Don't be late. Don't be late.

Before me, the forest begins to drop away. Hands curl into sharp claws. Twin bracelets of yellow light, fake but real, materialize around my wrists. Now curled around my right ring finger is a small wooden band, plain and worn. Faster. Got to be faster.

The world constricts.

Blasting out of the tree line and onto the riverside, I raise my hands and gather all th- Ohyou'vegottobekiddingme.

I stumble to a halt. The gate is slammed shut, the power forcefully let go. The bracelets fade away once more. The ring was never there.

"...This is really my life now, huh?" Letting go of an incredulous yawn, the heady rush of adrenaline quickly starts to fade, replaced with an ever growing headache. My shoulder comes to lazily rest against a nearby tree trunk, all sense of urgency now gone.

Cause you see, Asia Argento was many things.

"H-help!"

A devout believer of the Lord? Of course! A true holy healer? Sure! A genuinely decent human being? You wouldn't find any better!

"Samuel!"

But a fighter? A fighter, Asia Argento was most certainly not. Not yet, at least.

"SAMUEL!"

She tries. God bless her soul, she tries. Clad in a hoodie that ended past her knees, panic radiates off of her in waves as short little legs carry her at a much faster pace than I'd thought possible. Green eyes beg for salvation from her pursuer all the while.

I smile in encouragement, and of course, don't move a muscle.

Surprisingly, she still almost makes it. Key word being almost.

Tripping on absolutely nothing, the blonde lets out a panicked screech. She goes head over heels into a tumble that nearly sends her into the river. Huh. (Note: add hand-eye-coordination to the list.)

I bite back a laugh, as the goose is able to finally catch up. A dozen pounds of pure feathery fury, it screeches right in Asia's face.

She screams again.

Stepping in a few seconds later than I honestly probably should've, I shoo the angry waterfowl away. Then clapping my hands together, I turn around. "Well, that was fu-"

The words die in my throat. My jaw snaps shut with an audible click.

Eyes narrowed and lips twisted down in a mix of embarrassment and fury, a tomato-red Asia glowers at me. It was a familiar look, one I'd seen on girls before. Usually a sign to run for the hills.

Unfortunately for me, there were no hills nearby.

"Oh, Samuel!" she smiles. It's a dangerous smile. "Good morning."

I resist the urge to step backwards, giving the girl an apologetic grin. Then her eyes narrow even further, and I do step backwards. "You… uh, you looked like you had that handled?" I eventually offer.

Asia puffs her cheeks out in anger, folding her arms across her chest before sharply turning her head to the side. "Hmph."

In another time, another place, such an action would have been nothing short of adorable. But now? Now it felt akin to a ticking time bomb.

A few moments of silence, which I work up the nerve to break.

"Uh, is there a reason for," I gesture over my shoulder at the still watching goose, who honks nastily in response. "Him?"

"..."

"Asia?"

"..." She shifts slightly, but doesn't respond.

"Are you mad?"

"..."

"You're mad."

I almost flinch, as Asia suddenly spins back around. Stomping over to me, something is shoved into my hands with a sharp "Here." Then, without waiting for even a second, she continues onward and back into the forest's gloom.

For a few moments, I watch as Asia starts to retrace the path back to the campsite. Then, I turn to hold up the bottle of faintly glowing magic up to the sun. Warm to the touch, it seems to radiate a sense of easy comfort. Of home and happiness and the feeling that everything would be all right.

"Huh." Water. Holy water.

The goose honks again.

I scowl at it. "Oh shut up, you."

A/N: Merry (Early) Christmas and Happy New Year too! Hope you enjoyed. Next chapter: 'Crash Course Exorcist'.