Chapter 65 - Love, Faith, and Death
The next day, Legosi went off to work with a bag full of cookies, leaving Louis to sit around at home and stare nervously at his phone.
Ichi still hadn't called, so Louis just laid around watching television all day. It seemed like the time was just dragging on and on.
Game shows, dating shows where all the contestants were heterosexual and same species, over the top dramas. None of them caught the buck's attention. When he wasn't thinking about Ichi, he was thinking about the meeting he and Legosi would have with Zaguán when he got home.
He wondered if he would freak out again, but he had to remind himself that sea creatures had an entirely different culture than those on the land. He and Legosi would go there to broaden their understanding of the world and perhaps learn about their own instincts together.
But for now...he waited for his beloved to return.
Around mid-afternoon, Louis' phone rang. A blocked number. He felt a chill run through him.
The buck answered it. "Yes?"
Of course, that smooth, even tone of the other buck answered. "Hello...Louis. How are you?"
"I'm doing better," Louis answered. "And you?"
"Keeping an eye out for Okamigumi activity. I forgot to pay you, I realized..."
"Is that why you're calling?"
"One of the reasons. Also that you should come back soon." Ichi's voice remained calm and even.
"...How soon?"
"Tomorrow. We can discuss things further, then. I know how you felt about the last job and I'll try my best to not expose you to things like that so fast."
"But I can't escape it in the end, huh?"
"No. I need you," Ichi stated, plainly.
"Because of my chimera?"
"If it comes down to that, yes. I did want to get you on board and have you befriend everyone and share our vision, but, well, that just seems like a pipe dream now." As Ichi spoke, Louis noted a strange upbeat tone in his voice.
"It most likely always was, Ichi."
"Well then, I'll continue to have you train with San and go on low-risk missions," Ichi concluded.
"I guess...that sounds better," Louis sighed.
"Good! Let's work together moving forward."
"...Sure."
"Alright. See you tomorrow, Louis!"
"Don't sound so eager..." the deer mumbled. "It's not like you."
"Hm? I think you're hearing things."
"Or maybe you just don't notice it."
"I sound different over the phone. Anyway, bye." Click.
Louis blinked, groaning. Of course, it wasn't over yet. At least he got to be with San on less damaging missions.
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful. Louis reheated some leftovers for a meal. Once the sun started to dip low enough to shine through the blinds, he heard heavy footfalls from behind the door and a jingling of keys.
The deer had an idea and laid down, closing eyes, pretending to be asleep.
Legosi walked in, quietly taking his shoes off when he saw Louis sleeping. "So tired lately," he remarked to himself. He sniffed the air, smelling the leftovers as he walked into the room.
Louis tuned in his listening to see when the canine got close.
As Legosi got closer and closer...Louis' ears perked up a bit, then he jolted up and yelled "Boo"!
With a surprised 'Augh!', the dog fell down on his butt, his limbs becoming tangled with the covers on the futon and his eyes wide before he realized what had just happened.
Louis made that loud, genuine laugh, his beautiful smile spread across his face. "I knew that would get you, wolf. You're lucky you aren't Bill, or you would have jumped so high you would have crashed through the roof."
Legosi rolled himself up in the blanket in embarrassment, his butt and legs sticking out as his tail whapped hard against the floor.
"'So tired lately', as if."
Legosi raised his face to meet Louis, fur messed up and eyes squinted. "You dirty deer."
"Gullible wolf."
Legosi stood up and sat next to him, practically leaning on top of him. "Now my butt hurts."
"Shouldn't have fallen for it, then."
Legosi glared at Louis, letting out a playful growl as his tail wiggled.
"I'm getting better at my humor, hm?" Louis smirked.
"No. You're not funny at all." The wolf crawled over him, growling softly in his throat.
"Not at all, huh? Maybe I should take comedy classes."
"Maybe." The carnivore pressed down, easing his weight onto Louis in a way that wouldn't crush him as he took in his scent.
"A Legosi ritual," Louis chuckled.
"It helps ground me after a day at work where I smell so many things at once," Legosi explained.
Louis stroked his arms, up and down gently. "Mmm...does it now?"
"Yeah. Also, I scheduled an eye doctor appointment during my break since it's really getting in the way of my work." Legosi gave Louis' cheek a lick. "So, when should we go see Zaguán?"
"We can go right now." Louis used his thumbs to knead his ears.
Legosi's eyes fluttered shut. "Mmm, how can I go anywhere when you're rubbing me like thaaat?"
This just increased Louis' motions. "How do you become more adorable every day?"
Air passed slowly through Legosi's nostrils as he relaxed more. "Mmmm, maybe...you're...seeing...thingssss."
"Perhaps. Ichi called while you were gone."
Louis could feel him tense as he said that, but his rubbing continued to calm him. "Ah...guess we couldn't be lucky enough to escape that..."
"Never."
"So, when do you go back?"
"...Tomorrow."
"Mmm." Legosi nuzzled him. "I guess I'll find something to do. Stay safe."
"Hey, hey. He said he'd pair me up with San for less dangerous missions."
"Mmm, if he cares enough to do that then he should just let you quit," Legosi pouted.
"He said he needs me, again and again, but I still don't really understand why."
"Mmh, more cult sounding stuff. Or he just really misses you. I know I would." Legosi offered him a small smile.
"Yeah, Ichi misses his failure. Sure."
Legosi cupped Louis' cheek. "Hm, let's forget about it for now and go do our visit."
"Of course. I'll get dressed."
Legosi and Louis got dressed up in semi-formal clothes, knowing that their eccentric neighbor likely wouldn't notice, but it was the thought that counted. They exited the room and descended the steps.
"Zaguán lives in room 302, so it's one more floor down," Legosi informed.
"Sebun told you?" the buck asked, holding his hand.
"Yup!"
They stepped out into the hallway, passing one of their neighbors they hadn't formally met yet, who waved at them. They waved back, Legosi's tail wagging up a storm as they passed.
"I think the animals here like us!" the wolf beamed.
"Of course they do. They should! We're just like them."
"I hope the next place we live will accept us too," Legosi sighed.
The door for room 302 was quickly before them. Legosi reached out and knocked on it.
"Oh! Just one second!" the kind seal's voice came muffled from behind.
Louis looked at Legosi. "I promise I'll stay under control."
Legosi cocked his head at him before remembering what happened at the party. "Ah, okay. I can always hold onto you if you'd like."
"I would always like that."
The door opened suddenly, revealing the completely bare body of their aquatic neighbor. "Hello, friends!"
Legosi, panicking, reached out and shut the door.
Louis blinked. "Uh..."
"Hello?" Zaguán called from behind the door. "Hello?"
"Uh, Zaguán-san, sorry for springing in so suddenly! You can get dressed!"
"How come? I'm at home."
Legosi looked at Louis in confusion. "Uh..."
"Well, we're your guests," Louis said.
"Hm? But clothing is so uncomfortable and restrictive. Do land animals really wear them in their own homes?"
"Y-yeah!" Legosi said, before looking back to Louis and whispering. "W-well, not us but..."
"Most of them do," the buck explained. "Have you really never visited anyone?"
"I have not, but I will put on clothing to make you comfortable." Footsteps were heard walking away from the door before the rustling of fabric.
The two waited. "I wonder if he really just keeps to himself all day because everything is so different up here," Louis muttered.
The door opened once more, the seal now wearing a pair of shorts and a simple t-shirt. "Welcome, friends! Come on in! I have been waiting for you to visit."
"Really?" the deer asked, walking in, followed by his husband.
"Of course! That gathering you held was very generous and I wanted to return the favor." The seal's room was sparsely furnished, yet clean. There was a futon, an oven with a tea kettle on top of it, a refrigerator, and an assortment of cabinets and shelves, leaving the middle of the room empty with only a carpet taking up space.
"Oh...but I feel like I offended you last time..." Louis sighed. "I shouldn't have reacted like that."
Zaguán tilted his head, his squinted eyes gleaming. "Offended? I was not offended. One's culture is part of who they are, and I understand the hesitance land animals have when learning of the sea life."
"Do you get reactions like that often?" Louis asked, turning.
"I do when I talk about it. It is the biggest difference between the land and the sea. But since you wished to come see me again, I know that you two are at least open-minded."
"Yes. I think this could really...help me, I guess," Louis said.
"Oh? You came here to discuss sea culture?"
"Sort of. I came here to...understand it, I guess. And maybe get some closure on something."
"And we just want to be friends," Legosi added, trying to lighten the mood.
The old seal smiled as he sat on the ground. "Well, you may ask me anything you wish. And please, have a seat."
The duo found their places, sitting right next to one another. Louis observed the seal, carefully. "How have you been in recent times, Zaguán-san?"
Zaguán smiled. "Oh, I have been well! I have been doing some part-time work at the Sea Embassy and have been enjoying it!"
Legosi's ears perked. "Oh? I didn't know there was one nearby."
"It's quite small, but there is one."
"What kind of work do you do there?" Louis asked.
"I work with the ambassador there to help bridge the gap between our two societies. Of course, animals that can live on both land and water are the only animals that can work there."
"Of course. Is it mostly seals?" Louis smiled.
He nodded. "Yes, a few species of seal, as well as a walrus, and the ambassador herself is a sea otter. She is so fuzzy like many land animals are." The seal pointed at Legosi. "He is very fuzzy as well."
Louis gripped his hand more. "Yes. Very much so."
"May I touch it?"
Legosi was taken aback for a second. "Oh...sure!"
Zaguán crawled over and set a fin atop Legosi's head, patting it awkwardly.
Louis smiled. "Aww, Legosi. Always making fast friends."
The wolf remained silent as Zaguán continued to pet. "It must be annoying to wear clothing when you have all of this fur. That is another thing I do not understand about land animals and clothing. So many of them have so much fur."
"We've just gotten used to it," Louis said.
"Mmm, well, actually when we're home by ourselves, we're naked a lot of the time," Legosi revealed as he closed his eyes in comfort. Being pet by such a different hand was interesting.
Zaguán opened his mouth in surprise. "Oh! I knew there must be some land animals that did that! You may take your clothes off here if you wish."
"Oh...well...uh...I don't know," Louis reddened.
"Well, the reason we're naked together is to be...intimate," Legosi explained. "We're...married after all."
The seal made a noise of realization. "Ooh, being nude is for animals you are mating with only?"
"For most, I guess. There are some naturalists out there who avoid wearing clothes as much as they can. I admire them."
Legosi chuckled at Louis' words. "Are you planning on us living in one of those communities in the future?"
"I never said that."
Legosi continued to laugh, softly. "I do like clothes, though. They can feel nice and look good. Especially on Louis."
"I do look good in most things I wear..." the deer affirmed.
Zaguán took his hand off Legosi as the tea kettle began to whistle. "Oh, hold on one moment. Let me get us some tea."
"That sounds lovely."
Their host took the water off and filled three teacups, placing in teabags as well as some seaweed. Legosi cleared his throat nervously but kept quiet. Finally, Zaguán added a few drops of honey into each cup and brought them over.
"I hope you enjoy this. We all love this at the embassy."
"I'm sure we will. About the clothes...are we making you uncomfortable by having you wear them?" Louis asked.
"I am always uncomfortable wearing clothes," he stated plainly, smiling. "But I must perform the land customs while staying here." He handed them their tea, and Legosi blew on it before taking a small sip. It was sweet but had a strange salty tinge to it.
"Well, now I feel bad. I came here to understand your culture but I'm forcing my customs on you," Louis sighed.
"The two of you do not wear clothes in your own home, so I would think not wearing them here would be okay too, correct?" Zaguán asked as he drank from his own cup. "We will all be open to each other. I think it is a good idea."
"Maybe. I get nervous." Even though I was just fine doing it at that party…
"What is there to be nervous about?"
"Ummmm..." Maybe the fact that I get aroused around Legosi when we're naked...
Legosi placed his large hand on Louis' shoulder. "It'll be a good way to understand his culture."
The buck's voice dropped to a whisper. "Are you...sure. You know..."
That big wolf nose poked his cheek. "Hm? Know what?"
"Nothing. Nevermind."
The seal perked up. "Will you join me and shed your garments?"
"Mmm...Still unsure. But I guess if it's the culture..." He wearily tugged at the collar of his shirt.
"It won't feel weird if we all do it," Legosi reassured, sounding weirdly excited. He pulled his shirt off quickly.
Zaguán observed calmly. "Oh, you have many scars."
The wolf looked down at himself and his ears drooped. "...Yeah."
Louis touched him, softly. "It's okay. You're tough. They prove that."
Zaguán nodded in agreement. "The most respected animals in the ocean were ones with long healed injuries." He seemed to be naked in an instant, and both boys still avoided looking directly at him.
Louis slowly removed his garments, blushing. He hoped he didn't...yeah.
Legosi did the same, and soon enough all three animals were sitting cross-legged and nude with their tea in the middle of the room.
"Now," Zaguán broke the silence. "Is there anything you wish to speak of?"
"I'm actually not sure. Tell me what it was like for you living down there."
"It is free," Zaguán hummed wistfully. "No barriers or borders. An endless expanse. Of course, I have to come up for air unlike the fish and the like."
"Oh? How often?"
"One hour and forty-two minutes, going by your time. I timed it one night when I was bored!"
"Haha. Did your home have easy access to air?"
"Oh, of course! I lived with a community of other spotted seals on a small island. That is where we slept."
Legosi sat up straight, listening intently, and not even paying notice to his naked husband. "There are islands like that?"
"Oh yes! Plenty that is to be untouched by land animals for the sake of animals like me."
"I guess that makes sense. Huh. Interesting," Louis said. "What was...eating like?"
"I would go out and eat when I was hungry," he plainly stated. "Fish, crustaceans, seaweed. Many things."
"Fish with...lives?"
"Everything has a life." Zaguán sipped from his cup.
Legosi leaned forward. "B-but Zaguán-san! The crustaceans of the ocean are like the bugs on land, which we eat. Could you not just eat them?"
"I ate what I came across."
"Huh," Louis said. So everyone in the black market is just like fish...some have to eat others in order to survive...
The seal chuckled to himself. "It is amusing that land animals think so much about eating. I am beginning to understand it, but it is still amusing."
"Most land animals are terrified of it. I mean...it's the law to not eat your neighbors," Louis explained.
"Yes. I have come to understand that most land animals do not believe that death is the beginning of rebirth. They either believe the soul moves to another plane or that nothing at all happens. When thinking with this viewpoint, I can understand how it is upsetting."
"You believe in rebirth?"
The seal nodded. "Yes. The ocean folk all know they will be reborn anew once their current life ends."
"Huh."
"Even knowing that, won't they miss those they formed relationships with?" Legosi asked.
"Yes," was Zaguán's simple answer.
"And yet they still aren't afraid of dying?" Louis asked.
"Some are, but most are not."
"Because of the rebirth."
Zaguán nodded. "Correct. Some animals even offer themselves up to other animals to consume."
"Offer themselves up? How?"
"As simple as asking the other animal to eat them."
"R-really...?"
"Really." The seal smiled while Legosi glanced over to Louis anxiously, recalling the night they moved in.
"I can't even imagine," the deer shook his head. "That's like...suicide."
"I do find it interesting how the animals on land fear death, yet some do choose to run straight into it." The seal drank the last of his tea and set the cup down.
"Only animals that are suffering a lot do that," Legosi quickly cut in, brushing his bare thigh against Louis'.
"I have not seen a land animal without clothing yet, actually," their host mused. "You are even fuzzier beneath them!"
"That is true," Louis nodded. "Legosi being the fluffiest land animal there is." He said this with a smile.
Zaguán's jaw dropped at the statement. "Are you really?"
Legosi smiled bashfully and held a hand up. "Ah, no no! Louis' only kidding."
"He is!" Louis pushed. Especially above his crotch...
"Baby seals are quite fuzzy but they lose it once they grow older. Sometimes I wish I could have that fuzz again."
"Being soft is nice. My fur is too thin to be like Legosi's," Louis sighed.
"But yours is so silky and lovely!" Legosi exclaimed as he began to run his long fingers all over his husband's body.
Louis leaned against him. "Mm...That's because of the shampoo that I use."
"Shampoo still counts!" Legosi assured as he got more handsy.
Zaguán watched the display. "Wow, you two really are loving!"
Louis leaned his head up, nuzzling Legosi's chin with his own. "It's hard not to be."
"I have never been in a relationship like this. How is it?"
"How would you say it is, Legosi?" Louis smiled up at him.
The wolf grinned, softly. "It's lovely. We've been through so much together, and we know we'll always have each others' back."
"Always. And the feeling just wraps around your whole body and calms you down."
"I see," Zaguán nodded. "I have heard that land animals typically frown upon romantic and sexual relationships between the same gender or different species, but I guess that is not always the case. I am glad the land is not that restrictive."
Legosi cleared his throat. "W-well there are still a lot of animals that don't like it..."
"Mostly herbivores," Louis responded. "But most of our friends are homosexual and interspecies."
Zaguán nodded at this. "Yes, like fish must keep in schools. In the sea, there are no barriers to relationships like this, so it is another oddity of the land culture for me."
"Are there relationships in the sea?"
"Of course there are!" he answered with a jovial laugh.
"But as involved as ones on land? Do they go to couples' therapy if they are having issues?" the deer asked. This was all very intriguing and the fact that Legosi was naked next to him made it even easier to relax.
Zaguán cocked his head. "I don't quite understand the question. Does this have to do with marriage? Marriage is not something we have in the sea."
"Well, you don't have to be married to go to counseling, but a lot of people are. But if you don't have marriage, then what are your relationships like?"
"Animals of the ocean stay together if they wish, and they part if they wish. Most things are simple in the ocean, you see."
"Oh. Mm...wow." It was so different there.
"It is nice that all animals feel love, though," the seal reflected, whimsically. "It is something everyone needs."
"Even you?" Louis asked.
"Of course."
"Toward?"
"My friends and family."
"Of course. Do you have many friends?"
"Of course! Seals are very popular animals in the sea, since they are seen as natural ambassadors to the land."
"Are all your friends sea creatures?" Louis asked.
"No."
Legosi had leaned up against Louis and was listening quietly throughout their conversation.
Louis absentmindedly rubbed his husband's leg as he talked with the seal. "How did you do it? Accept death so easily?"
"I know that I will live again afterward, of course."
"But how do you know? Is there proof?"
"There is faith."
"Sounds a lot like religion."
"Many land animals call it such, so I suppose."
Louis scratched his own chin, nodding slowly. "Very intriguing. Do all sea creatures believe in this faith?"
"I believe most do, although I have not met every sea creature. Everyone I met seemed to believe it."
"Wow. On land, there are heavy arguments that involve religion and science."
"Interesting. There are debates in the ocean, but mostly everyone agrees on the basic truth of reincarnation."
Legosi, leaning on Louis' shoulder, tried to keep up with the conversation, but the warm drink combined with his long day at work and waking up early was causing him to get drowsy. He yawned as his eyes fluttered closed.
Louis felt the weight of the wolf increase and he looked at him. "Legosi?"
"Mmnmmm."
"What's wrong? We haven't been here that long. Are you bored?"
He yawned again. "Just sleepy. Your voices are soothing..."
Zaguán laughed softly. "You can sleep on my bed if you wish, Legosi."
The wolf nuzzled into Louis more. "Mmm, he's more comfortable..."
"Would you like to wrap around me?" Louis asked, kissing his cheek. "I know you find that comfy. You can just rest your head between my antlers."
"Mmm, okay." Legosi maneuvered to do that, not even thinking about how there was another animal in the room. He placed his head atop Louis' and rubbed his cheeks against the velvety texture of his growing horns.
Louis scooted back into him. "So, where were we?"
"We were talking about how faith is discussed in the ocean," Zaguán reminded.
"Oh, yes. This is all very fascinating."
"You do seem to be very focused on death, Louis," the seal observed.
"...I'm just trying to...understand it. It's a scary thing. I used to think it was my best friend. Like...a way out, I suppose."
"But now you have found an animal you wish to spend your life with and you do not want that to be taken."
"Well, yes, that and...Can I tell you a secret?"
Zaguán held a hand to his mouth in surprise before answering. "Of course!"
"I recently saw some animals die and...it's hard to comprehend." He rubbed his forehead with his fingers, reliving the painful memory.
"I see. I am sorry."
"...Yeah."
Legosi stirred and hugged Louis closer to him and rubbed his chest. "It's alright...Lou..."
"It has to be..." the deer muttered. "I have to get used to it."
Zaguán quietly watched, thankfully not asking further.
The deer shook his head and finally took a sip of his tea. "But, to be honest, Zaguan-san, I don't believe in that."
"I know. As I said, I know not many land animals believe as we do."
"So...how do I feel better?"
The seal looked thoughtful for a second. "I believe you must try and find peace with death. Even if you do not believe you will live again."
"But...how?"
"That is different for everyone. I do not know the answer for you."
Louis just held his head. "I understand."
"You should ask other animals about this, though. Perhaps one of them will have your answer."
"Others? Like who?"
"If I knew, I would tell you."
"Sorry. I'm just shaken up. Even so, I find myself wishing I could be like you."
"You are you, Louis. You must find a you answer to this problem."
The deer groaned. "Okay, I understand. I apologize."
Legosi nuzzled into Louis more. "Mmm, and I like you as you...Lou..."
Louis took another sip, sighing. "Thanks, Legosi."
"Is there any other questions you have?" the seal offered.
"I'll answer any questions you have," Louis responded.
"Hmm...what does it feel like to have horns?" He placed his hands atop his head to mimic antlers.
"It feels weirder when you don't have them. Usually it doesn't feel like anything because you get used to it. Though, my shoulders hurt sometimes because of the weight."
Zaguán made a face of realization. "Oh, that makes sense! Just as an animal who cannot swim would not understand moving through the water."
"Exactly!"
Legosi's head moved to the side a bit, catching on one of the said antlers. It seemed as if he had actually fallen asleep.
"I guess that's our cue," Louis chuckled.
"Indeed." Zaguán stood up and collected his cup. "You are always welcome here. I hope you find your peace soon."
Louis nodded, taking a big breath. "Someday."
Their host chuckled. "Do you require help bringing Legosi back?"
"Legosi?" Louis nudged.
The wolf grumbled but stayed draped on the deer.
"Make that a yes."