Chapter 71 - The Negativity Essay

Louis awoke to his alarm the next morning. It was quite early, but he needed to leave so he could meet Legosi before therapy.

Legosi.

Oh right, he had told him about what he and Pina did. He wondered how he would react. The deer grabbed his phone, glancing at the screen. Pina grumbled angrily next to him as he checked his messages.

Legosi: ok thanks for telling me! honestly you talking about him makes me miss him. Bill too but that's complicated now. Really this whole thing is clouding my mind so much. I'm rambling now but I'll be waiting for you at home for therapy. I love you!

The deer smiled, then turned his attention to Pina, who was still laying on him. "Hey, are you awake?"

The ram was laying on his back, forearm placed on his head. His eyes were closed but he was scowling. Eventually, he answered, "Unfortunately..."

"What's the matter?"

"Exhausted...probably from working out and then freaking out. Heh..."

"I understand. Did Ichi tell you what you had to do today?"

"Mmmn, fuck, did I have to do something today? I forgot."

"I'm unsure. Next time we have to make sure we complete the map."

"Mmph, but that's for fruit dude and not Ichi..."

Louis nodded. "We have to make sure we do it by Wednesday."

"Mm...I can check the outside today while you're gone."

"Sounds good to me. Did you sleep well at least?" the deer asked.

Pina finally smiled. "Yeah. Thanks."

"I'm so glad. I was worried you'd have trouble sleeping," Louis said. "I won't be staying tonight, as you might have guessed."

"Oh, of course. If I had a choice I'd be sleeping with Bill every night." The sheep opened his eyes and rubbed the grit from them. "Not that you weren't comfortable. I think once all of this is done with we should all just share a big bed and see what it's like."

"It would be very warm," Louis chuckled.

"Yeah." Pina rolled over and brought the blanket over him. "Now go and get your therapy so I can sleep more..."

The buck laughed and hugged him. "Alright."

Pina hugged sleepily back. "Knock 'em dead, kid."

With that, Louis began making his way down the tower to leave. Before he got very far though, he found a red panda waiting for him at the end of the hall, looking directly at him.

Louis blinked, realizing that he had completely forgotten about meeting Go the night before. "Ah...Go..."

"I'm not mad, Shi," Go said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to forget you."

The other animal sighed. "...Can't blame you for not remembering. I haven't really given you any reason to talk to me seriously before, what with all the teasin' and shit."

"Are you okay?" Louis asked.

"I'm fine," Go responded.

"We can talk now if you'd like."

"It's fine, Louis. Just go home to your precious carnivore."

Louis frowned a bit. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, whatever," Go shrugged. "See you next time. We'll talk, then. Or not. It's on you."

"And why is that?"

"Because I said so! Why should I hafta come to you? Yeesh!"

"Alright, we'll talk next time," Louis muttered. "Have a good day."

"Mhm," Go nodded, turning and walking off.

Louis felt strange that he felt disappointment in not meeting with the panda, but reminded himself that he didn't owe Go anything. Or any of the Branded, really.

For the umpteenth time, Louis returned home to his beloved, coming in with a smile as he always did.

Legosi was sat on the couch with his laptop and tablet. His tongue poked out in concentration, and he seemingly didn't notice Louis walk in.

The deer casually walked to the kitchen area, acting like he didn't notice Legosi either. He didn't see, but Louis could hear Legosi's tail thump on the couch.

Louis opened the fridge, looking inside and pretending to look for a snack.

There was a slight noise of movement, but nothing else.

The deer kept searching, reaching in and moving things around, trying not to smile.

Suddenly, he felt large hands slip around him gently, and a warm feeling on his back as he was leaned against.

"I knew you'd catch me eventually," the deer laughed.

"You weren't moving very fast," Legosi commented as he rubbed his face in the deer's back. "Slowest deer ever."

"The older I get the slower I get."

"So old." Legosi sniffed deeply into his back. "Mmm...you smell musty and wet. Must be since you slept at that place."

"Wet?"

"Mhm. Damp."

"Could be Pina sweat."

Legosi snorted. "No no, I can smell him there, but it's overpowered by the musty building smell. Pina's sweat smells different, anyway."

"Ugh, so this is your way of telling me to take a shower?" Louis asked.

"I don't think anyone but me will notice...but it's masking your normal smell." Legosi leaned up to kiss his ear. "Don't you want to take one anyway after being there?"

"Maybe..." Louis grabbed Legosi's hands which were resting on his stomach.

"...Are you okay? Anything else happen last night besides kissing Pina?"

"Nothing. We slept right after that." He rubbed his thumbs on his hands. "I didn't want to do anything anyway."

Legosi snickered a bit. "I meant with the exploration, and if the other members did anything."

"Why would the other members do anything? We aren't that close."

"I just mean in general, silly." Legosi rubbed his hands over his belly.

"I know. I'm just pulling your tail," Louis grinned.

"No, but I am." Legosi reached down to grab the small, tufted deer tail gently.

"Hey!" Louis tensed up.

"Gonna make something before we go? Or maybe we could get breakfast on the way."

"Oh, that might be nice. Been a while since we have."

"Yeah. We should get going, then." Legosi left Louis and went to shut his laptop, which Louis could see was littered with drawings of bugs.

"Still chipping away at the website?" Louis asked, a hand on his hip.

"Yeah. It's getting more ambitious as we go. Kai wants me to try to make GIFs. It's funny how easily he can take control of a project."

"That sounds difficult," Louis said. "Do you know how to do that?"

"I know how. It will probably just be simple animation, so not too hard, probably." Legosi went over to pull on some clothes.

"When have you ever animated something?" Louis teased.

"Umm...in my head," the wolf answered, sounding genuine. He was pulling on some skinny jeans, tail waving idly.

That made his deer laugh. "There's a big difference. Ooh, I'm animating in my head right now."

Legosi looked back at him. "Yeah?"

"It's so easy, too."

"It is, but getting it on screen is the tricky part." He moved over to where their shirts hung. "Hm, what top do you think I should wear?"

"Something pink. Been too long."

"Oh, you mean that shirt of mine that you like to wear?"

"You only have one pink shirt?" Louis blinked. "That's a problem..."

"We need to go on another clothes shopping spree soon," Legosi agreed. "We could probably afford it without your dad's help." He reached for that pink dress shirt and slipped it on, buttoning it up but leaving the last two loose so his cream chest fur spilled out.

Louis certainly had no complaints. "Can you imagine if we had all this going on and were in financial trouble?"

Legosi walked over and swiftly hugged his husband. "That's why we need to count our blessings..."

Louis got on his tiptoes for this particular hug, arms wrapped around the wolf's neck. "I bet the therapist will be happy that you started on your project."

"Ah, yeah. What should we say about yours?"

"Ah...I failed in that regard, huh?"

"Well, you're kind of doing something like that..." Legosi pointed out.

"How?"

"Doing something with your time separate from me."

"Not by choice," Louis grumbled.

"Still something." Legosi let go and cocked his head at Louis. "You should probably at least change into something different. I think."

The deer looked down at himself. "You think so?"

"It looks like you slept in it. No offense."

"Fine, Legosi." Louis huffed, going to their clothes to figure out something new to wear.

"I just want to look presentable for her, you know!"

"I don't think Rikona-san really cares what we're wearing," Louis said.

"But we should dress as nicely as we can to show her that we're trying, right?" Legosi reasoned.

"Trying what?" Louis asked, tilting his head.

"Trying to get better! And we have to look like it too!"

"I'll humor you," his husband responded. "But you pick out my outfit."

Legosi did so, choosing an outfit that sort of matched his, only Louis' dress shirt was a light green and he wore slacks instead of jeans. "There, now we look good! We kind of look like watermelon!"

"Speaking of Melon, Pina and I only have one more go-around of the tower until we are done with the map."

"Oh, that's good! That will make me feel better about Wednesday."

"Did you feel bad about it?"

"I mean, I'm nervous." Legosi offered a small smile.

"You have every reason to be. We're caught in the middle of...well, I guess you can call it a gang war."

The wolf nodded, still smiling. "Well, at least I'll be doing something to help."

The deer reached up and pinched his cheek. "Alright, this is completely off-topic, but how come I've never seen you chase your own tail?"

Legosi blinked, smile gone. "...Seriously?"

"Not that I recall."

"Yeah, of course not. Do you really think canines chase their tails?"

"Don't they? They spin in circles right...?"

Legosi sighed and rolled his eyes. "No, that's just a stereotype. Puppies will do it, but not full-grown canines. Unless they're like, inebriated..."

"Shame. I was looking forward to it."

The wolf squinted at him. "...Dirty deer." His serious expression soon turned to soft laughter.

Louis followed. The wolf's laugh was just infectious that way. "I guess that nickname really stuck out."

Legosi recovered, wiping an eye. "It fits. Especially what we did at that mask club. I can't believe Kai knows now..."

"A mongoose forever traumatized."

"Yep...well, let's get going."

Louis grabbed his hand. "Are you nervous at all like last time?"

"Nervous?" Legosi blinked. "Hmm, not really. Rikona-san is very nice."

"Yes. She is."

Rikona was looking at the two of them. They had all just sat down in the now-familiar room. "Welcome back, boys. How are you two?"

Legosi's tail thumped on the couch slightly. "Pretty good, right hon?"

"I'm alright," Louis said. "In between emotions right now."

Rikona nodded. "Not really feeling anything? Well, that's alright. Anything new?"

Legosi nodded. "You wanted us to find projects or hobbies outside one another, and I'm working with one of my friends to make a website for my work!"

"Oh!" the doe smiled. "That's wonderful! What about you, Louis?"

The deer sunk back a little. "Ah...well..."

Legosi leaned forward. "He has an idea!"

Rikona's ears perked. "Oh?"

The wolf nodded and looked back at Louis.

The male deer sighed. "I was thinking about renovating our apartment but I'm so busy..."

"Well, you wanted to get everyone living there to pitch in at fixing up the whole building!" Legosi reminded.

"I can't even start the project with my schedule!"

"W-well, your work kinda counts, too."

"As a project? No way. It's work!"

Rikona held a finger up. "But it is separate from Legosi."

The buck sighed. "I'm drawing a map of my work for fun with my co-worker. Does that count as a surrogate project?"

The doe nodded. "Of course it does! Well, that's good that you two are already making progress."

Legosi's chipper demeanor diminished. "Of course, that's not all there is to it..."

She blinked. "Go on."

"Well, aren't you the one to tell us that?"

"Oh, I thought you meant you had more to tell me."

"Oh, uh..." he looked over at Louis and then back. "Well, do you think it's alright for people in relationships to have really close relationships with others?"

"Define really close." Rikona pushed up her glasses and pulled her legs under her as she said this.

Legosi looked at Louis. "Ah, you should probably explain."

"He's talking about my friend Pina. We're really close. We've kissed twice and we've even talked about sleeping together. Legosi knows all of this but is there an issue with it? I feel guilty sometimes..."

Rikona blinked. "Well, that's up to Legosi, honestly. How do you feel about it?" She turned her head.

The wolf cocked his head. "Well, when I first heard him talk about it, it felt a little weird, but when I thought more about it, it felt like it sorta made sense. They've both been through a lot and got pretty close through that. Louis laid it out his feelings the other day and I understood them.

"I just feel a little, uh, jealous sometimes because they kiss and stuff when I'm not around and I think we should hang out together so I can see what they're like with each other..." he stopped and then held his head in embarrassment. "Aargh, that probably sounds like a creepy thing Bill would say! It's like that! I just want to feel included sometimes, I guess."

Louis grabbed his hand. "You have been in the same room with us before."

Legosi nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm not blaming you...it's just the...schedule. And...I wanna try and see what it's like to be close to Pina. I know he used to like me..." The wolf's ears were flapping wildly now.

"Oh ho?" Louis grinned. "Is that how it is?"

Rikona watched the exchange play out.

"I-I think so. I-I mean you know how I feel about herbivores and-and he's really attractive. Even if his personality is a little annoying sometimes when he came to visit me after...after the breakup he was really kind and caring."

"And you know what he's doing for me..." Louis mumbled. "Though I never assumed you would want to have something like that with him."

The doe in front of them let out a small chuckle. "I'm sorry, it's just...this is funny because it's kind of a norm to recommend couples try dating or sleeping with other people but you guys are already coming to that conclusion yourselves."

Louis sighed. "To be fair, I don't want to date him."

Legosi nodded. "Maybe we just...love to love."

"I'd find it ironic if I felt jealous at the behest of you sleeping with Pina."

Legosi held his hands up. "No, I don't really want to do that, I just want to see what it'd be like to be more affectionate with him. Kai getting close to me like that made me think about it."

Rikona nodded. "There is no problem with being affectionate with your friends. It's healthy, actually. I have no say in who you both sleep with, though. And of course, you two don't seem to have any cheating problems."

Legosi shook his head vigorously. "No, I could never."

The buck did the same. "Legosi would always know."

Rikona smiled more. "That's great! Communication is very important in relationships. It pleases to me hear you two have gotten that down."

Legosi's tail was wagging once again at the praise. "Yeah, it was one of the first things we vowed to do better on!"

Louis laced their fingers now. "I feel especially proud of it. But you really think there's no issue feeling that way about a friend?"

"As long as Legosi's okay with it, I don't see a problem."

Louis sighed. "It's honestly because I've never really been with another male. I guess I'm curious."

The doe nodded. "I understand. Well, what other questions do you have for me?"

Legosi shrugged and looked at Louis.

"I was thinking about contacting my old-fiancée," Louis explained. "She's a female deer like yourself. We never really did anything or even loved each other. It was an arranged marriage."

Rikona nodded. "Connecting with her might be good. And you don't have bad blood which is even better. I have some couples that are not on good terms and let me tell you...this is a breath of fresh air."

Louis sighed. "I'm sorry you have to deal with that."

She waved him off.

"Do you have any advice for being overwhelmed? We just have so much on our plate."

"I'd say to get rid of any unnecessary weight, if you can."

Legosi gave Louis a quick, skeptical look before returning his attention back to their therapist.

The buck sighed. "It all feels like necessary weight though. I want to make time for everything..."

Rikona nodded. "But sometimes you just can't. Which is normal!"

Louis sighed. "You're right. I need to think about my priorities. Maybe talking to Azuki isn't the best idea right now."

"I wanted to meet her, though," Legosi said softly with a whine.

"Agh...I don't know. I'm afraid to make a list of everything on our plate. I know it will stress me out."

Legosi turned his head to the doe. "So...maybe we just take things as they come?"

"That could be an option. Taking things one step at a time is always a good idea if you can't negate some priorities." She was writing down on her clipboard the entire time while speaking. "How is your dependency on one another lately? The same? Any less?"

"I still miss him, but that's normal, right?" Legosi asked.

"Oh, of course. He is your spouse, after all!"

Louis nodded. "I spent the night somewhere else last night."

Rikona blinked. "Oh?"

"There weren't any problems between us or anything. My friend just needed me."

"Same friend as before?"

Louis nodded.

"And I'm spending more time at work," the wolf added. "And I enjoy my time there."

The therapist seemed to smile more. "That's very good. Well, definitely keep working on your projects. Let's create a new goal for each of you this week."

Legosi and Louis cocked their heads in unison.

Louis took a moment to think, then exhaled through his lips. "Pshh, I don't know, if I'm being honest."

"Wait, you want us to think of one?" Legosi asked the doe.

"It's not my goal!" Rikona cackled.

The wolf pouted. "Then tell us what we should do this next week."

The doe blinked. "What? No, I meant it's not my goal I'm creating. It's yours."

"But..." Legosi's ears twitched and he fell back into the couch with a sigh. "You could help?"

"Then I suggest you each write an essay, talking about one another's flaws."

Louis tilted his head. "How does that help?"

"It will help you communicate your feelings about issues you have with the other that you wouldn't state otherwise."

Legosi's ears folded. "Th-that seems mean, though."

"No, no! It's not mean at all. Trust me. You'd be surprised at how many couples don't tell each other everything."

Louis looked to his partner. "But I do tell him everything. That's one of the big improvements between us." Right?

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Rikona-san? Do other couples do it?" Legosi dipped his head down, big eyes looking up at her.

She kept her eyes trained on him. "I'm positive. And it usually helps. You're more of a silent type right? I imagine this will be quite the project for you."

Louis sighed. "This is already tough for me. I can't think of anything."

Rikona shook her head. "You will."

"And for the record, he is not silent," Louis added.

"Oh?"

Legosi blushed and looked away, smiling slightly.

The deer cleared her throat. "A-anyway, I think that this would be a good goal for both of you."

Louis sighed. "How long?"

"Hm?"

"How long does it have to be?"

"There's not really a requirement...A page?"

"That doesn't seem too hard."

Legosi spoke up again. "Can anything be a flaw?'

Their therapist blinked again. "What do you mean?"

"What qualifies as a 'flaw'?"

"Things you take issue with, of course. No matter how little. If you even feel negative about something just a smidge..." She held up her fingers in a pinching gesture, "Write it down."

"I see..." Legosi faced his husband. Would this really be okay?

Louis looked anguished. "I guess I can attempt...Sorry for anything bad I say, hon."

Rikona snorted. "It's not going to be as bad as you think, guys!"

"Have any couples ever broken up because of this?" Noticeable worry laced the wolf's words.

"I won't lie to you, Legosi. They have. But that's not because of the essay. That's because of the issues they have with their partner. It could have ended a lot worse had they kept it bottled up."

Legosi nodded, nonetheless. "I see...Well, we're determined...so we'll be okay."

"And I'm not breaking up with him again," Louis inserted.

Rikona wrote something down and nodded. "You both are strong and have been through so much. I know you can do this."

Legosi raised his hand slightly. "Um, if you're allowed to, what other carniherbi couples have you had? If any?"

"I'm not permitted to talk about my other patients with you, Legosi. Sorry."

"Right...I knew that..." His ears twitched in embarrassment.

She shuffled some papers around and clipped the top one to the board, then turning it and holding out for the buck to grab. "I need you to sign this so we can renew your contract for the week."

Louis took it. "Oh? I assume I'll be signing this every week?"

"Protocol."

"I understand." He wasted no time signing on the dotted line.

Legosi watched, at that moment noticing how neat Louis' signature was.

Rikona took it back afterward. "Any thoughts of suicide lately?"

"No."

"Any reason that could change?"

"...No."

"And I'll be seeing you here next week?"

"Yes."

The doe sat back, nodding. "Very good."

Legosi's tail wagged a bit at hearing the words, even though they were not directed at him.

"Are there any other questions now?"

"I don't think so." Legosi rubbed Louis' shoulder. "Any questions?"

"Hm...Well...Let's see...I have this...friend. He always teases me and makes fun of me and I don't really trust him, but I feel like he has something important to tell me. Actually, he invited me to talk yesterday but I forgot about that and this morning I thought he'd be mad as usual but...he wasn't. I'm just unsure of what to do. I feel like he wants to tell me but he's also reluctant. But from our past history...I just don't trust him. I don't know."

Rikona listened intently as he went on. "Do you think it's really important?"

"I don't know...I feel like it is. Something about him is always off to me. I can't put my finger on it. It feels like he's reaching out to me but he won't admit it, even when we're alone. I only get glimpses."

Legosi leaned forward and stared at Louis, not knowing exactly what he was talking about but knowing it had to do with the Branded, so he kept quiet.

"Do you think you would know if you had remembered last night?" Rikona asked.

He shook his head. "I really can never tell with him."

"I assume you have his number, yes?"

"Oh...yeah, I do."

"Then just tell him the truth. That you think there's something going on and that you're here for him."

Louis couldn't help but smile. "It's just funny that he of all animals would need me."

Legosi cleared his throat. "Is this...one of your coworkers?"

"Yeah. It is. He hated me in the beginning. I don't think he acts like this toward anyone else."

"That's strange..." Rikona furrowed her brows. "He must be reaching out to you specifically."

Louis groaned and looked at the ceiling. "I guess I'll message him later. Maybe your idea of it being easier to write things out will be better for him."

"There is a very real possibility."

"You didn't tell me about this," Legosi said softly.

Louis sighed. "I know...I didn't know what to make of it or if I should be worried or what."

Rikona sat back, waiting for them to talk it out.

"I guess you'll find out when you go back in, anyway."

"I'm going to text him after this. There's no harm in it," Louis responded.