Chapter 72 - Existential Dread: Starring Go of the Branded

The rest of the therapy was uneventful, as most of what needed to be talked about had been brought up. There was more worrying about the essay, but Rikona continued assured them it would be fine. Before they knew it, their time was up and they went home.

As they got inside Legosi stared at the stack of paper they had bought for making the party posters, knowing that now they'd serve another purpose.

Louis noticed this. "All we need to do is write the essay and get it over with."

"Yeah," Legosi agreed. "But...we have a week. What was that you were talking about before?"

"What do you mean?"

"About the person that wanted to talk to you."

"Go?"

Legosi shrugged. "I don't know, you didn't say. It was him?"

"Yeah, it was. Thank you for reminding me I need to text him."

The wolf walked over to the couch and lays on his back, opening his arms up invitingly.

The buck grinned, joining him right where he belonged, a hand laid flat on his strong chest. "I don't know. He seems...different than the other Branded."

"Are they all the same?" Legosi asked, curiously.

"I meant he seems like more of an outsider than them. Like he doesn't belong there."

"And you have his phone number?"

"I have it in my burner phone. Wait...Does that mean I could...message Hachi?"

"Hm? Is that the one that doesn't talk?"

"It is."

"Huh." Legosi nuzzled Louis' shoulder. "So, who to message first?"

"Go. More important," Louis responded.

"Is it weird that I can see? Should I look away for his privacy?" the canine asked with worry.

"I think it should be okay. He doesn't know you know, remember?"

"Sounds good." He brought up his phone and looked down at it.

Shi: Hey, Go.

Not even a few minutes passed before the panda responded.

Go: Finally.

Shi: What?

Go: You used that weird-shaped head of yours and thought to message me.

Shi: I just got back from therapy. Sorry. Plus, our relationship is...something.

Shi: I was going to type weird but that's not the word.

Go: Whatever.

Shi: So what's been going on lately?

Go: Just too much. It's hard to talk about. Especially here.

Shi: I get that. I'm sorry. But I feel like you're...reaching out?

Go: I am, and I'm not. I want to talk about it, but I just think it's really dangerous.

Shi: You text way differently than I thought you would.

Go: did u think i wud talk like this

Shi: Well...

Go: Nah, I'm used to it.

Go: I can't really act the way I want to at the tower. There's too many eyes there. I don't want to seem emotional.

Shi: Is it strange that I'm thankful we're talking?

Go: I already knew you'd feel that way. This was all pretty obvious.

Shi: I didn't know you were a fortune teller.

Go: Surprise, bitch.

Shi: Okay, I have a question.

Go: You didn't have to say that. Just ask it, bumdass.

Shi: That's a new one.

Go: JUST ASK IT PLEASE I'M SO BORED.

Shi: Now I'm not so sure I should.

Go: I swear to fuck, Shi.

Shi: Fine. Is Ichi insane? Like clinically?

Go: I'm obviously not a doctor, but he's not like...some of us. He doesn't love killing. He does it because he has to.

Shi: Do you? Love killing?

Go: It's the best feeling there is. And that sucks.

Shi: I had a feeling. What about Ni?

Go: Ni is just a hollow shell. He probably doesn't give two fucks when he decapitates someone.

Go: Sorry, poor choice of words.

Shi: You talk about this so casually.

Go: Death is the norm there. It's a part of everything. You'll die one day too.

Shi: I have a friend who's a seal. He says sea creatures eat each other without question.

Go: It's not the same.

Shi: What do you mean?

Go: There's a lot that goes into murder, I guess. The fear in their eyes, the blood, the sounds. It's all part of the experience.

Shi: That's really dark.

Go: I hate it.

Shi: But you love it.

Go: But I love it.

Shi: That must be frustrating.

Go: Makes me want to claw myself up sometimes. Just how angry I get...I mean, I have accidental claw injuries but hello, have you seen those things? Damb.

Shi: And you have anger issues?

Go: I'm never really angry at anybody else. I'm always pissed at myself. Because I'm like this.

Shi: Wow.

Go: And my sister, Jun...You know by now what happened to her.

Shi: I'm guessing you killed him?

Go: What an awakening that was.

Shi: This is really sensitive information you're telling me.

Go: Haha I'll just kill you too if you use it against me ;3

Shi: :(

"Uh, wow." Legosi was reading over his shoulder.

Louis blinked. "This is extremely messed up."

Go: I feel bad for you, you know.

Shi: Why?

Go: All of this shit. Being pulled out of your life and forced to work with a bunch of murderers. It's crazy but I don't actually...

Shi: What?

Go: Delete this message after I say it.

Go: Okay?

Shi: Okay.

Go: I don't believe in the Branded's ideals. I just act like I do. Well, I used to think I did, but...I can't talk about it further.

Go: I'm really just here to get off on murdering people and get a home and free food at this rate. Going out into the city would probably bring trouble.

"Huh...this could be useful," Legosi chimed in. "I feel bad for him, though. He needs a doctor."

"He needs more than that," Louis muttered. He deleted the messages.

Shi: I have no words.

Go: Your wolf...What are his claws like?

Shi: Don't get me started.

Legosi squirmed a bit.

Go: How sharp are they?

Shi: We file them down.

Go: And his fangs?

Shi: One of his best features.

Go: Fuck.

Shi: That's one of his best abilities, too.

Go: Haha ew.

Go: Do you think your Chimera will be summoned soon?

Shi: I don't know. Most likely.

Shi: Why did you want to know about Legosi?

Go: I bet it's going to be part wolf.

Shi: You're the fortune teller. You tell me.

Go: Nice callback.

Go: What do you think of the new sheep guy?

Shi: He has a strong presence.

Go: I don't trust it. This is just like when I joined. You're important until someone overshadows you. I bet he's really sad. The fact that he chose a tiger mask leads me to believe he's the opposite of how he acts.

Shi: Everyone has a backstory for being there. It's kind of like the Drama Club at my high school, Cherryton.

Shi: Just a very twisted version. Still dramatic.

Go: That's like some sort of half-joke, right?

Shi: Well, it is the Drama Club.

Go: Ichi's just been drowning in paradise lately. He has everything he could ever want.

Shi: Everything?

Go: He could just stop, you know. He's clearly fucking Ni. He has money and weapons, his happy little family. What would taking down the black market do for him? Revenge?

Shi: Don't tell me you're talking about revenge.

Go: I never said I was perfect.

Go: I feel like a cracked reflection of Nori.

Shi: Nori?

Go: That's my real name. If we could time travel and meet one another, we'd have nothing in common.

Go: Even though they're both me. Isn't that crazy?

Shi: I feel the exact same way. I used to be a total

Shi: Well, I was going to say prick but then I remembered who I was messaging.

Go: I'm going to say it anyway. You walked into that one.

Go: Ahem.

Go: AHEM.

Go: EVEN MORE OF A PRICK THAN YOU ALREADY ARE?

Shi: Did that really do anything for you?

Go: Honestly, no.

Shi: So should I call you Nori in private, then?

Go: I don't care.

Shi: Ichi would.

Go: Fine. Sure, whatever. As long as we're completely alone or messaging.

Shi: Does Ichi ever go through your messages?

Go: No. He trusts us way too much.

Shi: Do you even text anyone?

Go: Mostly Roku. We have a lot in common and I think we're friends but every time he brings Yahya up I tune him out.

Shi: Oooh~

Go: I'm not gay, Shi.

Go: I'm not straight either, though. I don't know what I want. I guess I'm in between the lines. I think I'll die before I get to really be happy. Shot down after some crazy mission.

Shi: Do you really believe that?

Go: I always have a bad feeling. I can't believe none of us have died yet.

Shi: Shichi brought up the interesting theory that there have been other members that have died but Ichi completely erased any record of them.

Go: That's really freaky.

Go: We're little specks in the grand scheme of things anyway. Our lives are really just a tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny moment in time.

Go: Makes you wonder what it's all for, huh?

Shi: This conversation is discomforting.

Go: Existential dread does that.

Shi: But there is a reason for everything. We live our lives so we can be happy.

Go: But we're all just grasping at straws and doing our best not to fuck up. Some of us can't be happy.

Shi: If you think that you're wrong.

Go: And it's so annoying that I don't want to die, either. If there's no point then why do I want to stay?

Louis blinked, realizing that Go really did need to talk to someone. He was playing therapist now.

Shi: I guess because you're curious to see what happens. Maybe the hope that things will get better. That's what keeps me going…

Legosi had closed his eyes at this point, trying to relax and focus on something else.

Go: But we can't know, can we? Even fortune tellers don't really know. Smoke and mirrors.

Shi: But that's the point, really. We don't know. That's why we keep going. To see what will happen.

Go: And if it doesn't?

Shi: What?

Go: If I was never happy by the end of my life?

Shi: It'd be too late by that point, wouldn't it?

Go: Sorry, Louis. I think we should change the subject.

Shi: Agreed.

Go: I think we should be friends. Behind their backs, of course. I mean like real friends, not whatever Ichi wants.

Shi: You really trust me so easily?

Go: I don't care.

Shi: You bring up a good point.

Shi: How do I know you're not acting right now?

Go: You don't. So we're both fucked.

Shi: I'll keep the info I give out subtle, then.

Go: That's fine with me. You and I both don't belong here.

Shi: No one does, Go. Ichi could be using his knowledge and skills to make something of himself, but instead, he's choosing to do this.

Go: We probably shouldn't waste time thinking about what could be and worry about what is.

Shi: And...if you left? Then what? Would you still kill?

Go: Oh for sure. I can't live without it.

Shi: I honestly don't know how to feel about that.

Go: Seriously let's not talk about it.

Legosi opened his eyes again, realizing he should get this info for Melon, possibly.

Shi: Fine. It's been great talking but I need to do some things around the apartment. Maybe I'll talk to you later.

Go: It's not like I do anything else.

Go: Bye, Louis.

Shi: Nori.

Go: Hm?

Shi: It will be okay.

Go: Yeah.

The deer lowered his phone, sighing and staring at nothing in particular. That conversation wasn't what he was expecting.

"Well...maybe some of the other members feel the same way?" Legosi suggested after a moment of quiet.

Louis opened his eye, which he had shut for a moment. "What?"

"I read some of it. Maybe other members would want to be friends outside of the organization."

"I don't want to get too deep in over my head. Go is easy, but the others are loyal. It would be ridiculous if they trusted me so quickly."

"Hm, I guess so. You even said Go was different. Juu already knows that I know, though. That could be a start."

"We just need to be careful. Really careful. One slip up and our lives could be lost. I could tell you were uncomfortable during all of that."

"Yeah, because it was only meant for you two." Legosi shifted his legs up, bringing Louis' up with them. "Are you going to try messaging that other person?"

"Hachi? Yes, I am," Louis nodded. "This should be very interesting."