12/26/19
Hey guys this chapter along with the old previous one were cut into smaller chapters for better story flow. if you're a returning reader and you're confused, the newest update is the latest chapter, enjoy!
Hey guys, uhm this chapter took longer than me to finish but honestly real life and education comes before this. I promise that I'm not abandoning it though I have a guide planned out and everything but now the chapters are A LOT longer just in case so there'll be a lot more material to read through instead of say just one short chapter that doesn't really do much.
You guys also left some nice reviews the last time thanks so much! Actually there are some I want to address so for the first time ever I'm having a review answer corner *cue the clapping from me only* No but seriously you guys I appreciate every single one of you who read this especially long time readers that come back and review to ask if I'm continuing, guys I promise this story will be finished maybe not on a schedule but it will have it's end, this is one of my goals. I've carried this fic all the way through high school to my almost done uni years trust me when I say no one else wants this to reach it's finale more than me.
Now for the reviews:
tactics2012: Thank you for the sweet review and I know you've been here since the beginning so thanks for that too! I was honestly a little nervous uploading the last chapter because by that time my writing and sense of story telling had changed quite a bit so it was a relief to know OG readers like you liked it! You said you were looking forward to more Naruto/Sasuke interactions...well I've got great news for you! Only some of you would probably remember but I used to have Naruto listed here as an important character but had to remove it due to...uhm sensitive people anyways, Naruto is just as much a part of this story as any other so expect him...A LOT
CrazyChil: No the length of the last chapter wasn't a mistake in fact I liked it so much I decided to do it twice in a row! Seriously though these chapters as I said will be getting loooonger, I've got bullet points and in-depth notes to prove it. The Hinata Heiress question is one I keep getting asked and all I can say for now is that you guys will definitely be getting your answer in the future most everything in this story I have obsessively planned out it's kind of funny
onlyluna: Thank you so much! My main goal is to make sure that every character serves the story in some way, nothing I hate more in fics than a useless character that goes away once the two mains get together. That will definitely not happen here as that's not real life and I don't really care to read fics like that so why would I write one? In fact I can say the character connections are about to get even crazier
Mia: Hello! Thank you for the review, I really tried not to make Sasuke's eventually crush into a quick crazy thing, because while that is possible, it didn't really fit him in this story, he's more calculated and a lot more jaded and in tune with his feelings though still somewhat inexperienced in that area so he'd obviously put up whatever fight he could until he allowed himself to breathe LOL. Sasuke is such an interesting character in that sense, I really like writing him because of it. I don't know if I'd write another SasuHina fic after this one,I actually have a folder floating around of an AU ShikaInoSai fic but if I did write SasuHina again however expect it to be AU and a lot more lighthearted. Angsty Sasuke is kind of a chore
Guest: You said you liked my descriptions of Hinata thank you! I literally try my best to make it sound as non-cheesy and pretty as possible. Please say I'm doing that XO
john15641: I appreciate all differing opinions so thanks. Yes in this story Sasuke is a sannin, but that doesn't mean he automatically needs to flex his strength every time he gets into a fight in fact Sasuke's entire fighting style is all about grace and necessary restraint, he has never been one to waste his jutsu on people he didn't require to use it on and he'll only do bigger power moves if he feels like that's his best option. I think of that scene in the same regards to when the original sannin Jiraiya, Tsunade and Orochimaru first came across Nagato and the others and two of them couldn't bring themselves to kill them as they were just kids. Orochimaru however could, that was similar to how the Land of Maple fight went with Shikamaru and Sasuke being the two that couldn't and Hinata filling that gap. Comparing Hinata to Orochimaru was something I'd never thought I'd say lmao. Hopefully that clears things up, I mean yes Sasuke could realistically restrain those kids but that wasn't what was required of him, he was ordered to kill them so incapacitating them would mean nothing in the end. Actually wait maybe Tsunade did want to kill them, my point still stands though
pro-uchiha: yes I don't think Kishi really explored the aftermath Neji's death as well as he could have. For something that was supposed to leave impact it really came off as rather pointless in the end. You will see why Hinata said she could relate to Sasuke in later chapters.
One of the two things I want to address guys there isn't any sort of grief stronger than others, don't be that asshole that says Sasuke is the only one allowed to be in pain. I really hope you aren't like that to people grieving in real life. The second thing I want to say is Sakura isn't a *insert insult here* please don't bash her in the comments it actually makes me sad
Now I've also had a lot of people talking about Sakura in regards to her characterization in this fic and her relationship to Sasuke in general. Sakura's relationship with Sasuke is not the same as his with Hinata's, I mean this is someone who grew up with him and quite literally seen him at his lowest point, she is someone that resolved herself to take care of him until he was no longer in any kind of pain. There is a clear difference in how Sasuke views the two in my story and I've said this again and again. Sasuke has never spoken ill about Sakura in this and he never will so if you're expecting that go elsewhere. Sakura is my favourite character in Naruto, even before Sasuke. I will never down play her relationships or her great character traits to make another female character appear better in comparison. I will never do that to any female character but especially not her. I have been defending Sakura long before I made this fic and I hate when people do that to her. So I'm not really fond of being accused of such things? Sakura has been pretty harmless in this fic even downright saintly so I don't understand where the sentiment is coming from.
Sorry for the rant but it needed to be said before the rest of the story continued, I don't really mind differing opinions as I said but don't call me out on something I never did or plan to do, that's the issue. Sorry if it came off condescending just know while I'm writing this I'm drinking a mango smoothie so I'm feeling pretty chill
NOW back to the story we really get to see a different side to our main character this chapter hope you guys enjoy! Sorry if the editing is a bit ugh, I'm now flying solo so my eye isn't as quick to catch them especially over 50+ pages of words, if you guys see any, especially distracting ones, please let me know and I'll fix them ASAP!
Rating: M - For those who don't know this used to be rated T but I changed it to M for the new profanity, yes I'd imagine shinobi would have mouths on em'
disclaimer: I don't own Naruto if I did I would make Shino and Kiba a lot more important in the story.
Chapter 12: The Aftermath of You
"You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, just that fast." -Catherynne M. Valente
Uchiha Sasuke was used to consequences, he had revelled in their justice when he vowed to make his brother pay the debt of blood on his hands.
A week had passed since he'd seen Hinata take a sword for him- an image that printed itself all over the back of his mind- and The Hokage still had him completely barred from stepping foot into her room. And only him it seemed, as he had overheard conversations of her rowdy mutt teammate threatening to hurt him for the condition she was in.
Her actions stemmed another consequence; however, it was a foreign one to him. Sasuke had witnessed countless people succumb to such feelings but never once expected for himself to be next. He felt guilty, and angry at himself and he wanted nothing more than to see Hinata. But he also found himself wanting to stay far away from her, undoubtedly afraid of the things she was allowing him to feel.
Sasuke's hand hovered above the silver doorknob of The Hokage's office. He grasped it in his palm and stood staring at the slightly rusted piece of metal, not yet ready to face his former sensei. He hadn't seen him since he reported his last mission and he was hoping it would've been another while until he was absolutely required to do so by nationalistic duty.
Rapidly tapping his right foot in impatience, he berated himself for getting so worked up and quickly pushed the door open.
Two heads with similar languid expressions turned Sasuke's way as he slowly made his way to the centre of the room. He couldn't help the frown that settled upon his lips as he caught the impassive look of his former sensei. Stopping just a bit in front of the wooden desk, the Uchiha crossed his arms as he maintained steady eye contact with the Hokage, not wanting to be the first to give in.
Not wavering his gaze for a minute, Kakashi's mask shifted with the movement of his lips, "Sasuke."
"Kakashi." He followed suit.
It stayed like that for a minute, the two of them staring at the other in complete silence, their pride squeezing the atmosphere until Kakashi softly shut his visible eye and let out an exhale of frustration.
Turning his attention to address the other person in the room, The Hokage motioned towards the door, "If you don't mind Shikamaru I'd like to speak to Sasuke-kun alone for a moment."
Nodding his head, Shikamaru wordlessly walked away as Sasuke watched. It seemed his leg had healed up nicely since they'd last seen each other- he hadn't seen his teammate since he had ordered him to get treated at the hospital.
With the click of the shutting door, Kakashi leaned back in his chair, swivelling it around for a while until abruptly halting its movements and standing up. Making his way across to where his former student stood, he placed one hand on the desk to the side of him and the other on his hip as leaned his face in close to talk.
"Sasuke," he began, pausing to reformulate his words before starting again. "I know you're not exactly in the best head space right now."
Scoffing, Sasuke lifted the corner of his mouth in irritation as he raised his chin. He didn't even want to justify his old sensei with a response.
"Whatever." He said, not bothering to deny the underlying implications of Kakashi's words. There was no point in hiding it any longer. He knew Kakashi had been watching him the last couple of weeks, the man already knew what he had left unsaid, there was no reason for him to pointlessly argue about it.
"It's for your own good. Now, are you going to suck it up like a shinobi or are you going to behave like some impudent brat?"
The words struck a chord in Sasuke, instantly causing his face to shift into the most unbecoming expression, "You think you have the right to turn this on me?" He asked, not liking the taste of the sentence in his mouth.
"Nobody's turning anything on you," Kakashi reasoned, his hand on the desk enclosing in on itself. "Damn it Sasuke, if you could just for once, appreciate the fact that someone is trying to help you instead of twisting it into that person being out to get you."
Choosing to stay silent the Uchiha averted his gaze as the weight of his sensei's frustrated words coursed through him. He wasn't trying to turn everything into his own selfish reasonings, he was just frustrated and angry and lashing out. But he wouldn't dare say those things aloud for fear that it might make him sound weak and unlike himself. He'd rather appear to be difficult.
"How can you lead a team, if you yourself can't lead by example. It may not be easy but sometimes you're going to have to get used to people wanting to help you and be willing to accept it." Kakashi said, leaning forward as he tried to re-initiate eye contact.
"I'm not obligated to do anything of that." Sasuke muttered. He was still looking away from Kakashi's face and instead chose to stare blankly at the shut office door.
Sighing Kakashi straightened up as he made his way back to his chair and away from his hostile student.
"No matter what you think," He said, "I'm just doing what I think is best for you."
"Then why don't I get any say in the matter?" Sasuke turned to face Kakashi, finally managing to hold his old sensei's gaze.
"Because feelings cloud judgement. You and I, especially, both know that to be true."
And he didn't say anything more than that. Instead he called Shikamaru back into the room and focused his attention on the mission detailing papers in front of him. Sasuke wanted to scream at him, he wanted to force him to elaborate more on that stupid sentence but he pushed it all back, feigning professionalism for the rest of the meeting as that stupid old man continued like everything was completely fine.
"I know you guys must still be reeling from your last mission but every second we don't act counts." Kakashi said, resuming their earlier conversation, "This mission is a simple recon one, you might find it to be quite satisfying. You'll be heading to the Land of Pine where some sightings of blank headband wearing mercenaries were last reported."
"Trying to make up for past mistakes?" Sasuke asked none too kindly.
He knew he was crossing the line, it would've been different if Shikamaru wasn't in the room but with other shinobi around he was at least expected to treat his former sensei like the Hokage he was. But he couldn't pretend to be okay with everything, not when a life was hanging by a thread because of him.
"You might think I didn't make the right decision, but it was absolutely necessary given the circumstances at the time," Kakashi paused, clearing his throat before continuing, "Hopefully this mission will change your mind, though that's the very least of my concerns at the moment."
"What type of information will we be collecting?" Shikamaru asked. His monotone delivery did little to dispel the tension in the room.
"You'll be gathering intel on the mysterious shinobi that attacked you." Kakashi said, "We have reason to believe that the attacks are being organized by a coalition group of rogue shinobi acquainted with Taka through past missions. Seems like they all want your heads on a platter."
"I don't understand," Sasuke interjected, "What could they possibly benefit from doing this? I'm not exactly the easiest target. Besides, I haven't gone rouge in years."
"Well you can't possibly forget," Kakashi strategically paused, neatly shuffling his papers together, "The members in Taka, both past and present, all have a nice bounty on their heads. You don't go around taking covert missions for villages and not make a few enemies along the way."
Sasuke clenched his jaw, "I haven't taken missions like that in a long time."
"Doesn't matter…to them at least." Kakashi quickly added.
Sasuke nodded reluctantly. He didn't really consider that someone would be after him even after all these years. He figured it would've ended with Naruto, but it seemed reality didn't want that to happen. Every time he attempted to take one step forward his past dragged him two steps back. It was an ugly cycle he allowed to rule over him for so long, but not anymore. He needed to move away from it, he wanted to grow- especially now so more than ever, when everything he wanted was right within his reach.
Besides, Kakashi undoubtedly wouldn't let him go until he agreed.
"When does the mission start?" he asked.
"Tomorrow afternoon, it's a mere two-day mission. We don't want them getting wind of us being onto them, so you'll have to work fast."
Sasuke did suppose he was grateful for the opportunity and welcome distraction that this new mission allowed him, plus he would be away from the village for a while and in turn away from the Hokage's watchful eyes. But it wasn't exactly an ideal situation all around, he still was expected to be going on a long two-day mission with the one teammate he didn't get along with. Without Hinata there to act as a neutral buffer he and Shikamaru might really come to blows if they weren't careful around each other.
Sasuke's thoughts piqued his interest as he took one look at the future Nara clan head. The man was leaning forward with a slight lazy hunch and his hands were routinely stuffed inside his pockets, always locked away from view. He also looked like he hadn't slept in a month.
If he was truly being honest with himself he wasn't so sure what to think of Shikamaru anymore. Sure, Sasuke found him to be irritating at times but Shikamaru still put his life on the line for him and in return almost lost a leg in the process. And for someone who knew the pain of losing a limb, it was a big deal.
He wasn't exactly sure if that amounted to anything that could better their relationship or if it gave the Nara even more incentive to hate him. Sasuke's mind was so preoccupied as of late, it was getting harder for him to read people with each passing day. That part bothered him a bit, reading people was something he had always prided himself on being able to do exceptionally well.
After being debriefed both formally agreed to the mission and turned to leave when the meeting was adjourned, however Sasuke reluctantly halted his subsequent footsteps after hearing his name being called behind him.
Pausing right at the end of Shikamaru's heel, he watched as the man brusquely walked away without acknowledging the voice of the Hokage, choosing instead to continue dragging his feet down the hall.
"Sasuke," Kakashi repeated, waiting for the young man to turn around and face him.
Sighing Sasuke complied and turned around dreading whatever it was his old sensei had to say now. Hadn't he said enough to him already?
"You're upset, I understand, but don't forget about your other goals along the way. Didn't you say you would prove to me that you could be Hokage?"
Processing the sentence Sasuke averted his gaze. His jaw clenched in aggravation before he came up with a suitable answer. Turning away the Uchiha made his exit known as he stepped forward,
"I thought you told me to give up on that dream?"
Closing the door behind him, he ignored that small sensation of regret on his tongue and headed home.
…..
Stepping cautiously around his home's old wooden floors Sasuke reached halfway across the hallway until he was confronted by Taka, mainly Suigetsu and Karin. Juugo stood off to the side watching as both teammates harassed him into acknowledging them once more, but Sasuke wouldn't break so easily. Not when Taka had betrayed the very thing that was most important to him- his trust.
"Sasuke come on." Suigetsu begged. His voice was still hoarse from what happened the week before.
Sasuke hadn't planned on confronting Taka after he had finished sparring with Naruto, he was waiting on them to break and finally admit their wrong doings by him. But that night it seemed Sasuke didn't cool down as much as he thought because as soon as he locked eyes with Suigetsu he had already pinned the man against the nearest wall and had to be forcibly dragged off him.
Since then he had been avoiding lingering at home and instead broodingly frequented empty training grounds and fields within Konoha. Something that had proven less easy than he assumed it would for someone with a sleeping schedule as irregular as his.
Sasuke didn't want to be near Suigetsu, Karin or even Juugo, he didn't know what he might do again if he was in their presence for more than ten minutes. He was furious with Taka. He couldn't believe that despite the many chances he gave them to tell him the truth of their suspicious Konoha visit, they chose to lie straight to his face whilst continuing to live under his roof and using his resources.
It hurt him more than he liked to admit. He thought of them much closer than that. They had seen him at his worst and yet, they still lied despite knowing how much he hated people who did such things.
And maybe if he had known, if they had told him he would've been able to prevent what happened to Hinata. Each time he so much as closed his eyes there she was in all her self-sacrificial glory. Pale, bloody, struggling to breathe.
She haunted him.
Sasuke took a deep breath. He wasn't used to feeling so…vulnerable.
It was his own house, damn it.
He pushed past both Suigetsu and Karin and headed straight for the kitchen. Grabbing his mission bag, he started to fill it up with non-perishable foods that could last him for around three days- instant rice, a can of vegetables and whatever else that wasn't either spoiled or would upset his stomach. As he did so Sasuke couldn't help but notice the looks of anticipation his teammates casted on his back as he turned himself away from them.
It felt nice to make them squirm, he could admit at least that. And he wasn't exactly in the mood to forgive them either so seeing them worry of what he thought of them made him feel just a little better.
"Sasuke," Suigetsu whined, "Come on, you're really going to go on a mission with God knows what outcome and leave still mad at us?"
Shooting Suigetsu a pointed look over his shoulder Sasuke simply shrugged, "That's the plan."
"OH, come on!"
Containing his need to smirk, Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek.
"That's the first sentence you say to me in a week?"
Shrugging his shoulders Sasuke zipped his bag closed and not-so-gently brushed past Suigetsu and out of the kitchen. It wasn't long before he once again heard faint padded footsteps behind him. Humour instantly dissipated as he could certainly feel his temper flaring up, trying hard not to turn around and give in to his more violent urges.
Finally, the patterned steps had gotten to him, so he turned around and faced his annoying shadow, nostrils flared.
Holding up his hands Suigetsu backed away from Sasuke slightly, "Woah."
"You just don't get it do you?" Sasuke hissed. He stepped closer towards the swordsmen as his shoulders tensed up.
"Sasuke come on-
"No. No you come on. What do I have to do for you three to get it through your thick heads? I want nothing to do with you right now."
"We're sorry."
Throwing his bag to the side, Sasuke pinned Suigetsu to the wall with the hem of his shirt tightly clutched within his hand, "Sorry doesn't matter much now does it?"
"Sasuke…" Karin gasped.
Blinking Sasuke quickly let go of Suigetsu's shirt and took a step back to catch his breath. He had thought he had it under control but just like everything in his life lately that wasn't the case.
Crouching down Sasuke gingerly dusted off his bag and slung it back onto his shoulders. He stood there for a moment, attempting to swallow his admittedly large pride until he turned to face his former teammates with a tired look he couldn't bother hiding.
"I'm sorry."
Awkwardly smoothing out the front of his shirt Suigetsu cracked a humorless smile. "Don't worry about it. You've attacked me twice now, so all better?"
Effectively ignoring him Sasuke made to move but faltered as he could practically feel Karin fidgeting behind him.
"Sasuke," Karin paused, biting her lip and contemplating a bit before boldly stepping forward. "You're doing it again."
Shifting his gaze unto electric red Sasuke sighed, "What?"
Karin's steal look never faltered as she took another step forward. "Becoming self-destructive like you always do instead of facing your problems."
"Mind your business Karin," Sasuke warned, his voice a dangerous whisper. She was right, and he knew it but damn it if she thought she had the right to talk about it after what they all did to him.
"No. I can't. Not anymore." She shook her head, as the other two behind her kept dangerously still, clearly wondering what outcome this interaction would result in.
"I wasn't asking."
"I've always allowed you to do your own thing, even if it came at the price of you destroying yourself. I thought that was how I could let you know I cared for you," Karin took one more step forward until she was directly in front of Sasuke. Looking down she took one of his hands into hers, she was never one to respect his personal space and he knew that so he didn't bother trying to pull away.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Sasuke asked, he suddenly felt nervous at the change her eyes did at his sentence. She was smiling, but it was full of bitterness.
"After you left Taka that all changed, I looked at you different. You were selfish Sasuke and I was allowing you to be. You…I can't allow you to be like that any longer. You have people who care about you, we messed up okay, I won't deny that but screw it if I let you mess up too. I won't allow you to become that way again."
What was he to say to that? He couldn't deny what she said because admittedly it was the truth but something inside of him always preferred to ignore it and continue as if his nature was a result of his upbringing alone and not also because of his own choices.
"Karin…" Juugo voiced. It was the first and only thing he said during the whole altercation, but it had somehow made Sasuke feel worse. He knew that Juugo and Suigetsu agreed. The way they were all looking at him, waiting worriedly on his response confirmed that much.
Sasuke clutched his fist together so hard he thought he might draw blood. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't possibly admit to it- no, his pride had become an even bigger nuisance to him lately. It appeared to grow even more selfish and angry as if somehow it could shield his heart from what he feared most.
"What I do is of no concern to you anymore."
Sasuke quickly turned his back on them, not liking the hurt expressions facing him. The words had flown out as carelessly as they had entered his mind. He surprised even himself as he had expected to say something else.
"Please Sasuke! I-
"Hey."
Suigetsu's voice echoed loud in the still house as his creaky steps travelled forward. His expression was blank as he crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows in thought. What he did next however surprised Sasuke the most.
"Let's go get a drink." Suigetsu said.
And Sasuke for once that whole week had no objections to the idea, because if he was being honest he'd rather be drunk than anything else.
….
It hadn't been a good hour until Juugo and Karin found themselves drunk. Sasuke however was not as lucky, he hadn't even felt more than a slight buzz the whole time he sat in the booth.
"You knooow Suigetsuu," Karin slurred, her body leaning forward as her face flushed, "This was a good idea, did j'yoou manage to get smart all of ahh…now?"
"She still can't hold her liquor." Suigestu shook his head. He was also in the same sober predicament as Sasuke, though it made sense being that his body was formed entirely of water. He couldn't get drunk even if he tried.
"I c-can too!" Karin hiccupped. Sasuke's eye twitched at the volume, even in this state she was unnecessarily loud.
Juugo who had been silently still up until then, had turned towards the group with a wicked smile. "Who wants to fucking fight me?" he quietly asked, his initial calm nature having been shed as soon as he nursed his first drink of the night. Drunk Juugo couldn't suppress his inner demon's aggressive thoughts.
Sasuke sighed, wondering how utterly comical they must have looked then.
Why did he agree to this again?
"Always with the violence." Suigetsu chided. Rolling his eyes, he slid the rest of the sake jug towards the two on the other end of the booth which effectively drew away their attention. "That should do it."
"Why are we here?"
Giving Sasuke a bored expression the swordsman raised his brow. "Huh?"
"You can't even get drunk and we just end up taking care of these two, so why are we really here?" Sasuke frowned, he had mulled it over again and again, but he couldn't understand why Suigetsu would suggest drinking of all things.
"It's tradition."
Narrowing his eyes Sasuke shook his head at the response. He knew that wasn't it. It was a good lie though he hated to admit. Drinking was Taka tradition, being surrounded by a bunch of moody individuals all day was enough to drive anyone mad, especially on long missions so they had made a conscious effort to go out for drinks anytime they started to tire of each other. It was originally Suigetsu's idea, that smug bastard. But Sasuke was sure that their little outing this time was due to an entirely different reason.
A reason that made him want to immediately go home.
"Wrong answer." Sasuke grimaced, staring Suigetsu down with an irritated glare he could no longer fend off.
"Because I knew you'd say yes." He shrugged. Leaning back into the booth and crossing his arms he lifted the corner of his mouth into a lopsided grin, his sharp fangs baring in an almost humorous manner.
Turning his head away Sasuke silently cursed himself for falling for such a basic trap. He really couldn't stand the guy, honestly.
"Sasuke, I'm not going to pretend like I know what's going on with you. In fact, I don't understand it at all, not even a little. And I know you're upset at more than just us lying to you, and I won't press it because to be honest with you it's none of my business and I don't really care. But you don't get to treat us like we're trash asshole. What you did to Karin back there wasn't cool."
Raising a sharp brow Sasuke didn't bother hiding his confusion. Though a little more than miffed at being called an 'asshole' he was more interested in the fact that Suigetsu had berated him on behalf of Karin. Suigetsu? Standing up for Karin? It didn't make any sense.
"Since when did you start defending Karin?"
"She's a trusted comrade," Suigetsu shrugged again. "And I'm not. Not really anyway, but that's besides the point. You were really laying the brooding on thick even by my standards."
"I don't brood."
"Sasuke you're practically pouting right now."
He shot him a heated look at that one, the man in question suddenly remembering himself and slinking backwards- palms up.
"Not that it doesn't suit you, it's a good look." He sheepishly supplied, shifting his eyes to look everywhere but into Sasuke's own.
Sasuke sighed as his absentminded finger traced the intricate swirling lines of the wooden oak table their booth was situated around. He wasn't sure how to do anything lately, hell he wasn't in the mood for anything lately and he certainly didn't feel like entertaining Suigetsu. Leaning back into the leather chair behind him he let his head hang back as he allowed the little buzz of alcohol within to send him into a silent numb- though it wasn't working half as good as it would be if he was completely wasted.
Sensing the tense atmosphere Suigetsu shifted in his place, the barely audible squeaks of leather filling the silence as he begun to clear his throat. Not bothering to acknowledge him Sasuke waited for the swordsman to say something offensive but he did no such thing.
"Sasuke," Suigetsu sighed, "Does your behaviour have something to do with that Hyūga teammate of yours?"
Slowly lifting his head as not to give anything away Sasuke spared Suigetsu another glance. He was treading into a place he didn't even dare go himself. He leaned forward in his direction testing if the swordsman was brazen enough to continue.
Suigetsu's face twisted away as if the conversation embarrassed him. Focused intently on something in the distance he kept his voice almost as quiet as a whisper. "Look, I'm not trying to be nosy or anything, but we saw how you behaved when she came to your house the other day. Karin of course was the first one to notice anything at all."
At that moment Sasuke paused to look at Suigetsu, really look at him. He searched his entire person to see if there was any ulterior motive at play that he couldn't immediately pick up on but upon coming up with nothing he was suddenly hit with a feeling of unease. Bringing forth his hands he cracked his knuckles on each finger hoping it would calm him, but it seemed to increase his earlier sentiment.
He was at a loss for words. If he were to deny it the snowy haired man would surely know it was a lie and take it as confirmation. He felt both relief and mild apprehension towards the thought. Relaxing the tension in his jaw and shoulders Sasuke leaned back even further into the leather booth.
He briefly wondered if he was more inebriated then he had initially thought before pushing the idea away in case it hindered him from what he was about to do.
"She almost died because of me." He heard his own voice spill before him, watched how Suigetsu looked upon him with great shock, surprised that he would allow him to see beyond his defences for a moment.
Just a moment.
"What a dumb woman," he continued, his fingers tensing into the palms of his hand as his body's trained reflexes tried desperately to stop him before he revealed too much of himself. Allowed himself to look pitiful.
"Your sensei debriefed us on what happened, doesn't sound anything similar to whatever the hell you're saying."
Ignoring him Sasuke pushed on past the dryness of his throat disregarding his body's built in defence mechanisms, "I don't know what it is. My sense of duty perhaps, but I can't seem to let it go. Pain and death are the price of being a shinobi of that I'm aware but somehow… I can't seem to grasp that in this situation…"
He paused, letting his thoughts formulate as they raced ahead of him, always careful not to say too much. Not that it mattered anymore. If Naruto could see it then Suigetsu would most certainly read in between the lines. "I don't know why I'm telling you this." Sasuke simply finished. He was on the edge of the dam and he didn't want to know what would happen if he allowed it to break, so he listened to the warnings within and stopped.
Suigetsu looked to be having difficulty coming up with his own words to say, which brought a slight relief to the Uchiha as he wasn't quite sure he wanted him to say anything at all. He was just getting tired of keeping those thoughts to himself.
"If you want a girl like that to like you, you'll have to stop being a baby and admit that you have feelings for her."
"I didn't sa-"
"It's exactly what you didn't say that I'm talking about."
Swallowing down on the words in his throat Sasuke frowned (which admittedly was really more of a pout). "What?"
Tilting his head in a thoughtful manner Suigetsu raised his hand to his chin, "Knowing you you've probably been treating her like crap to make up for the fact that you like her. So, you need to properly let her know or else she'll just keep doing stupid things like that to prove herself to you or something."
Blinking slowly Sasuke digested Suigetsu's comment. It made so much sense that he couldn't believe what he was hearing. But still…
"Death isn't some show of strength. And I never said I liked her…" Sasuke muttered suddenly feeling the need for another drink. Reaching for the sake jug across the table he eyed the other two patrons with them who had thankfully fallen asleep. Though somewhat annoyed that he'd have to help Suigetsu carry them home, he was also glad they were too inebriated to hear the conversation taking place.
"Maybe you're right," Suigetsu admitted ignoring Sasuke's other statement as said man glared at the empty jug within his grasp. "Maybe she's just one of those extremists. Unless…"
Looking up from his hands Sasuke waited for Suigetsu to finish his sentence but instead he just chuckled and shook his head.
"What?"
"Nothing." Suigetsu coughed. He moved to stand up and looked over at his teammates passed out beside him. "Probably should get these lightweights home."
Nodding his head Sasuke moved to position Karin who sat beside him, over his shoulders. Adjusting her so that she wouldn't fall off he watched as Suigetsu struggled to do the same with Juugo before settling on simply dragging him by the legs. The Uchiha rolled his eyes at the swordsman's antics- he was lucky alcohol completely sent Juugo into a deep slumber.
As they exited the establishment the warm crisp air wrapped tightly around them as the wind quietly howled through the night. The shuffling and hushed whispers of convivial gatherings filled the atmosphere as Konoha's night life drew to a close. The dim orange glow of building windows and streetlamps lighted their path home.
Looking up to gaze at the moon Sasuke could see the clouds forming to obscure it from view as it cast a dim gleam on the cobblestone beneath his feet. He found himself thinking of Hinata then, as he did so often these days. Her beauty encompassed everything that represented the night, he remembered Naruto muttering something about her being reminiscent of the moon during a mission and in that moment, he found it hard to disagree.
The clouds seemed to mock him as they shielded the moon from his sight, like nature was poking fun at the pitiful state he was in now. His jaw clenched as he readjusted Karin on his shoulders. He would rip those clouds apart and see the moon.
He was sure of his resolve.
Casting a glance to Suigestu, who's one hand was pocketed while the other dragged Juugo unceremoniously across the ground, he waited until the man acknowledged him before nodding his head in his direction.
"Why'd you let me choke you?" he asked. He had forgot to ask the question before they left the bar but now seemed a good time as any. "You could've just liquidated yourself like always."
The leader of Taka didn't even bother to look at him as he responded, "I guess I felt like I deserved it too."
"Thank you."
Suigestu simply shrugged, though the small smirk tugging at his mouth gave him away. Sasuke focused attention ahead as he allowed the cool air to empty his thoughts for the time being. He was a lot more grateful than he let on, but he wouldn't admit it.
His relationship with Suigetsu was a peculiar one. On one hand there was a lot of tension there from past disagreements as a result of, admittedly, selfish actions on Sasuke's end. But at the same time there was a strong sense of mutual respect, as they had no one else but each other to depend on during the time the Uchiha served with Taka as a rōnin.
Unlike the other two Suigetsu challenged him, not blindly following orders unless he really wanted to. It was that sort of defiance that structured their odd bond. It was a lot rougher than most and in a way a lot more comfortable for Sasuke- he didn't feel the need to conform himself in their interactions. It was an unspoken bond of sorts.
As they reached the Uchiha household Sasuke found himself quickly begin to tire as he laid Karin down in her own bed. Watching as crimson strands settled haphazardly around her he felt a strong sensation tug at his chest, but he ignored it and headed towards his own bed.
Karin's words had bothered Sasuke more than he'd like to admit but she was right, he needed to stop letting his emotions affect his behaviour, especially if he ever wanted to realize his dream of becoming Hokage.
But before he could do all that, he needed to get to the root of the issue which always seemed to land on the same person. He wasn't sure how she did it, how someone he didn't even cast a second glance at in their shared youth would grow to become all he could ever think about.
In the comfort of his own room's refuge he could silently admit what he had realized a week prior. He liked her. He didn't know why but he liked her, but he needed to see her and tell her what an idiot she had been before he went absolutely insane.
With a deep inhale Sasuke ran a hand through his hair as he leaned backwards and fell into his mattress. He levelled his breathing and gently closed his eyes as he let sleep finally overtake him. Such thoughts would become tomorrow's problem.