CHAPTER TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY FIVE

Since the car had been on and driving only minutes prior, the warmth within was quick to return. Jackets and scarves were removed while the two waited, the musings of their prior laughter still light on their lips.

Yuri pulled the table-pager from his coat pocket and set it on the skinny plastic divider between the two front seats, then plopped back to where he'd been sitting before, and kicked his sneakers off, letting them fall to the footwell behind the front passenger seat. He felt where Viktor had done the same with his dress shoes, and the both of them turned to sit lengthwise against the back seats.

The Russian sat with his back against the door, and waited for his partner to lean back against him, "So what do you want to do until the thing beeps?"

"Do we have to do anything?" Yuri wondered pointedly, still facing forward normally as he fished around for his phone.

"...Well, we're going to be stuck waiting for the next half hour, aren't we?"

With phone in hand, the younger man just turned his head to glance at his husband, and the almost antsy look on that pale face. He quietly drew in a breath as he turned where he sat, and leaned aside to rest his folded arms over his knee, and just...looked.

Viktor blinked back in him in utter confusion, "...What?"

"Shh."

Anxious and impatient, he didn't last 7 seconds before the silence became deafening, "I don't know what you're trying to say."

Yuri glanced downward, shook his head, and huffed a laugh to himself before looking up again and reaching a hand out to gently stroke a thumb against his husband's cheek, "You're so amped up. I think you've forgotten how to relax." He finally twisted around though and leaned back against the man's chest, bringing his knees up as he set his socked feet against the opposite door panel, "When was the last time you didn't think we were in a hurry to get somewhere?"

Viktor was stumped at that, "...I guess...over the summer maybe?" He offered, weaving his hands through the space between his partner's arms and sides, pulling him up just a bit higher so he could more comfortably rest

"You were pretty much on the go most of then, too."

"...You think so?"

"I watched you." Yuri explained, pulling up Instagram on his phone, "Up until I finally convinced you to hire a professional, you had us biking up and down Hasetsu for weeks trying to find the house. When we weren't doing that, we were at the Ice Castle practicing the new routines and Exhibitions. You were practically berserk for creating new content after your break from competition. Getting you into the onsen was more like putting the pause-button on you for a little while, but you never actually settled down at all. ...I feel partly responsible for that, because it seems like you've been this way since the minute I asked you to stay in competition with me for another year."

"I haven't been that bad..." Viktor complained quietly, lowering his head to lightly nibble on his husband's sweater.

Yuri just set the phone down against his stomach, and started listing things off on his fingers, "As soon as we got back from Barcelona, we were busy getting ready for Japanese Nationals at the last second. If we weren't on the ice, you focused all your energy on the fact that you could finally be as physical and flirtatious as you'd wanted to be for months already. Then the whole trip to Nationals was basically just one big game of 'hurry up and wait,' even though you were bursting at the seams with energy. Straight out of Nagano, we were on our way to St. Petersburg, and we arrived in the middle of Orthodox Christmas and New Years week. We spent that whole time running around the city to see and do all these things that you wanted me to experience, meeting all these people that you hadn't seen or talked to since suddenly moving to Hasetsu in April before that, and working on 'Duetto' in time for Four Continents. I didn't adjust to the idea of Pair Skating moves as quickly as you did, so you put a lot of energy into helping me trust you with lifts and such, on top of all the early anxieties of us living alone together finally. I can only imagine that it must've been secretly stressful for you to have me constantly asking about your family and history during that time, because you put an awful lot of effort into completely avoiding the topic. Then that whole thing with Yurio's grandpa happened the day before he was supposed to fly out for Euros, and somehow, in the middle of all that, you got the genius idea of asking me to take you for the first time."

"You didn't though." Viktor pouted, "I had to take myself on you."

"Yeah, so you did that to yourself." Yuri agreed, realizing he'd already extended all 10 fingers for his prior examples, and moved instead to pull his partner's hand out to continue counting on those fingers, "Oh, and how can I forget how stressed everyone was after the RSF conference? Because after that, whenever we were out in public, you avoided your usual flirtations like the plague. I don't think I noticed at first because Japan has a big thing against public displays of affection anyway, but I still thought it was weird as a personal behavior of yours that wasn't normal. You were at least willing to be flirty in public in Hasetsu, short-lived as it was."

"I don't think I noticed. It was probably subconscious."

"In either case...you stressed about that." He continued on with the finger-counting, grabbing the second hand to start there, "So after the Yurio kerfuffle, you spent an awful lot of mental energy on basically training me to get used to the idea that you were going to take me eventually, and-"

"...You make it sound like you didn't like it at all..." Viktor whined, getting worried suddenly and pulling his hands back, curling his fingers around so they couldn't be counted anymore.

Yuri could feel the slight cringe his words had elicited, and tilted his head up against his husband's shoulder to look at the anxious man, who by then was avoiding his gaze, "I promise, I liked it, it was just still really awkward for me." He raised his right hand to cup his palm against his partner's cheek, slowly stroking his thumb against the edge of that soft jaw and under an ear, "It didn't stop being awkward for me until Four Continents was actually happening. I felt like I'd won the lottery twice in one year...cut me a little slack."

"...The lottery?" The Russian finally let his eyes turn, though in confusion.

"Well, the first time was when you'd actually showed up to be my coach unexpectedly. Then the second time was realizing you were in love with me, too, and that it was okay for me to admit I was in love with you back." Yuri explained, leaning slightly forward to quietly speak the words against his partner's skin, then kissing that cheek as he finished and paused. He waited until Viktor gently nuzzled him back before continuing, moving his hands down to weave their fingers together where they rested over his stomach, "Since I'd never felt that kind of love for anyone else before, it was hard to pinpoint where my love for you as my skating hero ended, and my love for you as my koibito began." He huffed a laugh at his awkward choice of words, "I think part of it hit me when I decided that I was going to cut you loose."

"You absolutely traumatized me with that bit. You should know."

"I know."

Viktor pulled his right hand free, only to curve it around to pull Yuri's up as well, making it so both of their rings were visible, "Saying 'we should end this' right after we exchanged these... I don't think anyone has ever made me cry so fast and hard before."

"...Well, as the saying goes... When you love something, let it go...if it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be." He answered, looking at the shine on their wedding bands, even spotting their faint, difficulty-to-see reflections in the metal, "I didn't want you to think you were trapped. If you chose to stay, you did so on your own, especially since I was still of the mindset that I wasn't going to keep skating after that Final, and I knew that it was important to you. You came to Hasetsu to be my skating coach after all, even though publicly I had already made up my mind about retiring. You didn't know I was looking for a reason to get back into it. Plus, it's not like it would've been particularly strange for a guest at the resort to stay for a few weeks, without any other reason for being there other than to enjoy the sea and the onsen."

The Russian could only manage a lengthy exhale after that, unable to think of the words to respond with. He hugged his arms a little tighter instead of speaking.

"You've told me a few times that I'm more important to you than the skating, but it's not really my place to define what I mean to you, or decide where I rank. That's entirely up to you. But one thing I know for a fact, is that you love skating...you went through literal Hell for it; it's a part of who you are. Who was I to stand between you and the ice?" Yuri went on, lightly rubbing the side of his head against his spouse's neck, "You said back then that even you couldn't make a full come-back if you were coaching me at the same time... If this season so far is any indication, the toll everything has taken on you is astronomical. You're incredibly strong for having lasted as long as you did, but I don't think anyone was surprised that you had that mental breakdown like you did yesterday."

"If skating and coaching were all I had to worry about, then this wouldn't be a problem."

"And that was going to be the next thing on the grand 'List of things that have been stressing out Viktor Nikiforov lately.'" Yuri said simply, "Four Continents was the last time 'skating and coaching at the same time' were all you really had to deal with. I wish I could undo what happened after that... I feel like those few minutes of us skating 'Duetto' at the Exhibition were the last time you were truly happy."

The words felt like daggers. Only a few heartbeats passed before Viktor could see the build-up on his eyes, and felt the first tear fall from them, "...I didn't realize I've been so miserable..." He raised his left hand up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, even as more drops fell past his fingers, "...I'm sorry..."

Yuri furrowed his brow a bit, but turned where he lay against his husband's frame to look at him more easily, half-wedging himself between the man's side and the back of the seat. He lifted his right hand and gently stroked it against the side of his partner's neck, "You're weighed down by other people. If it wasn't your family crawling out of the backwoods of Russia, then it was me with my anxiety issues. It's been a rough year, with only a handful of breakthrough moments where nothing else mattered... The trip we took back to Barcelona, when we basically eloped...then the wedding party in Hasetsu... Maybe our Pair Skate at Trophée de France, and your last-second new show at NHK. This is all the opposite of how it should be though..." He said, waiting a moment before moving his hand out from where it had settled, and used the side of his wrist to push away his partner's arm, where it was still up and trying to hide the pain evident in his eyes, "Viktor... I don't want your life to be a constant dark cloud, with little moments of sunshine here and there. It should be clear skies most of the time. I know it's hard to think that's even possible, given how long it's been like this for you...but I want to make it better."

"Short of us locking ourselves inside the Ice Castle, I don't know what can be done." The Russian sighed, snuffling a bit against the edge of his sorrow, "There's so much happening now that's so messed up..."

"Well," Yuri started, pulling up again from where he was leaning, and turning fully around to face his soulmate. He settled himself a little bit closer, the Russian's legs still parted around him from where he'd been a moment before. Left arm rested on the man's upturned right knee, right hand reaching up gently to brush away a few strands of silver-grey hair, and wipe a few of those tears away, "...Unburden yourself of the things weighing most heavily on your heart right now. I know the basic list of bullet-points, but put it all into your own words. ...And you can start with those cruel things Minako-sensei told you not to tell me."

Slate eyes blinked through the remnants of a few tears, and Viktor gave something of a startled look. He swallowed nervously, but then nodded, "She's breaking off her engagement to my uncle and she might be pregnant."

To the Russian's surprise, Yuri almost didn't look surprised to hear those words, though maybe he was just holding back his reaction for the moment, "Tell me how that makes you feel." Yuri asked simply, leaning slightly to rest his shoulder against the back-rest of the seat, and resting his free hand on his husband's chest, gently rubbing his thumb back and forth.

Viktor cleared his throat nervously, but could feel a wave of relief washing over him in spite of the guilt for having said anything when asked not to, "The engagement..." He started, pausing a moment, looking down a little, "I thought it was sudden and excessive. I originally resented how much time those two spent together anyway because I wasn't sure I wanted Mikhail around...but how could I justify saying anything when no one but me knew what he'd done before? How could I even hold that against him after all these years? Now that I do know why he took off, I understand it, and I kind of forgive him for it... But he's just going too fast with how he's trying to be involved in things. Sponsoring Yurio was enough." He explained, drawing his arms in around himself protectively, "I didn't want to tell Mikhail himself that I wasn't comfortable with how often he was turning up, not when he was trying so hard to make up for being gone. Taking on Yurio, buying the house and car so I wouldn't have to worry about selling them later, freighting all my stuff to Hasetsu...never once asking anything in return. Every day, I'd wonder what the catch was...but none ever seemed to present itself. He never asked for a thing. Being friendly with Minako never really felt like a consequence like it does now." He lifted his head, and glanced around like he was incredulous suddenly, "And how could I ever tell Minako not to like him? Who am I to tell people who they can and can't be friends with? They were only in Hasetsu together a handful of times, so more often than not, they were in Russia together with Yurio, or Mikhail was just gone, doing his own thing anyway. But they've spent practically every waking minute of the skating season together. And now they're engaged!? 'Were' engaged...rather..." He brought his arms back in, crossing them more tightly than before, "And this insane idea that Minako might be pregnant...I just...can't even begin..."

Yuri curled his fingers over where his partner's wrists crossed, "Why does that bother you so much?"

"You should know!" Viktor half-barked.

"Of course I know why. I'm just asking you to say it out loud. You'll feel better."

The silver Russian felt guilty then, lowering his gaze again, "...You're right... Sorry." He unfolded his arms and took his spouse's hand where it was still close to him, "I just..." Viktor started, pausing to snap in a breath, his whole body tensing up, "Who the Hell does Mikhail think he is!? He can't just walk into my life after being gone for 25 years and then knock-up one of my closest friends." He practically snarled to himself, "...I wanted to take his head off for it."

"So you think he did that on purpose?"

Viktor rubbed one temple with his free hand, "I know it's absurd to think he did... Rationally, I know he didn't... Minako even said as much... Mikhail is guarded and distant with her, even if he really seems to like her. She said they've only been intimate on two occasions since they first met and that she basically had to pressure him into it both times. If that's really true, and I don't have reason to doubt what Minako said...then I can't really say Mikhail was as stupid and reckless as I accused him of being when I first found out about this. But in my head...in my heart...I'm holding him accountable anyway. It's easier to blame him for this than it is to say Minako should've been more careful."

"Did she tell you what she thinks of it?" Yuri asked, himself curious about it.

"Just that she doesn't want me to react right now, because she doesn't know for sure if it's true yet. Apparently she just felt sick one morning when they were in Canada, and Mikhail proposed to her on the spot; I guess cuz that's where his mind went, probably from seeing his late ex-wife go through the same thing. Minako said he was trying to do right by her."

"But now she's called the whole thing off."

"Mh."

"So the idea of being married to him was worse than the idea that she might have a bun in the oven because of him."

"Maybe just the idea of being married in general." Viktor sighed, "She said that my meltdown after the Short Program made her think about how much command she'd given over to Mikhail, too. It was never a malicious thing; he just likes to be the one responsible for everything because it means there's no surprises. Minako told me that she never thought much of it because it was never anything serious. But the engagement...made her feel like she wasn't going to have the freedom to make her own choices anymore even if she wanted to, and that she'd be forced to negotiate things she never had to before." He drew in another deep breath, folding one arm across himself and perching his chin in the palm of the other, "Agreeing to marry him was like agreeing to have that kid, if it turns out to be a reality...and I guess she just wasn't ready to make that choice. Calling off the engagement gives her room to think again."

Yuri nodded, and raised his free hand to set a finger against his lip, "That seems like her." He shrugged then, and turned right back around, retaking his place from before and reaching for his partner's hands to pull them back around himself, "As long as I've known her, she's never really been willing to settle for or with anyone. I mean, I never really paid that much attention when I was younger...but I recall seeing guys floating around now and then. I just thought they were friends, but I guess not, since they all disappeared eventually. Minako-sensei does what she wants, when she wants to...not many partners could keep up with her for long. I think Mikhail's probably lasted the longest...the rest were gone within 6 months."

Viktor listened, but his focus was already waning a little. He just turned his face a bit where he was parked over one shoulder again, touching the outer corner of his lips to the skin of his partner's neck. The familiarity of his husband's scent was soothing, even if hard to notice so soon after a shower.

Yuri hadn't seemed to realize that's what the Russian was doing though, and turned his head back to look at him a bit more easily, "Was there anything else bugging you?"

"Other than figuring out how to deal with that stuff...not specifically. Just the usual competition worries." He answered, following after that spot under his husband's ear that he'd been parked in a moment before, and being slightly more obvious about his intentions there.

"Let me deal with Minako-sensei and Mikhail." The younger figure offered, leaning his head back then and opening up more space around his neck, smiling to himself as he felt the light kisses there, "You just think about the skating...and what you're doing right now."

"It's been a while since we spent a whole day seducing each other." Viktor mused, half the words spoken while nibbling on an earlobe, "Teasing and touching, flirting, and speaking sweet nothings into one another's ear."

"Making love from sunup to sundown."

"And well into the night." Kisses trailed a few inches down that exposed neck, followed by a warm, wet tongue tracing all the way back up, and an even wetter kiss, making Yuri wiggle a bit and laugh at the tickle. Viktor just hugged a bit tighter, continuing the tease of his lips as he smiled against that skin, "The first time I did this to you, I think it was probably the first time you let yourself be aroused by me, too."

"I think you're right. You're very good at that."

"I still think you should've let me help you with it." The Russian teased, nosing at his partner's ear a bit, hands roaming a bit lower against the hem of the thin sweater, "I would've been more than happy to."

"Yeah...I probably should've..." Yuri agreed, feeling the telltale heat of a few fingers creeping into his clothing, pulling at the edge of his under-shirt before going right in to cup around his side and hold there. The kisses had paused there though, and he felt a deep drag of air brush against the crook of his neck and shoulder where his husband had stopped. It was only then that he opened his eyes and spotted the table-pager coming to life; several dots of red light coming on along the edges of the square-shaped piece of plastic. He reached for it and waggled it in his hand, turning slightly to look at his very disappointed lover, "Hindsight is always 20/20, but other than the immediate future, you can touch me all over the place, anytime you want, right?"

"...I guess so..." Viktor sighed, "I was really starting to enjoy this though..."

"Mh...me too." The younger figure agreed, reluctantly sitting up to reach for his sneakers, pulling each one onto his feet before turning back around to look at where his husband was sulking. He huffed a quiet laugh to himself and leaned in close again, raising a finger under the man's chin to lift his face and kiss him, "...For the rest of the day, I forbid you from worrying about anything other than me. If anything else starts to bother you, just say avocado or something, and I'll whip out my knife-boots."

Viktor blinked at him in confusion for a moment, but then recalled the first time his partner had made such an offer, and smiled then like he had back then, "I can't believe how much I love you right now, Yuri."

"I love you, too." He leaned in for an Eskimo kiss before finally reaching for his jacket, "Let's get moving though. I'm absolutely famished."