Steven was staring at his hands. Hands that he'd only just realized were perfectly symmetrical. Back when he'd… been human, nothing about him had been so constant. His left hand's fingers had always been just a little longer than his right's, his nose was shaped different on either side, as were his eyebrows and ears. He'd changed and learned and grew from the (sometimes annoying) little kid he used to be. But now everything was the same: a linear path into an uncertain but predictable future. Being human meant being imperfect. Being a gem, not so much.
Blue Pearl had led him back from his abysmal meeting with the diamonds (ended with rushed placations from Blue that "Everything will be fine," and, more annoyingly, "You need to calm down,") and now stood dutifully by the door. She seemed to have relaxed a little, her hands not so tightly clenched together, and Steven decided to pose a question he'd been sitting on.
"Blue Pearl…?" She turned to him. "Do you know what she was like? -Pink Diamond?" There was a silence that the pearl made no move to fill. "What did she do here? Did she have a job, or did she just sit around all day while the other diamonds did stuff? And what's the deal with White? Where is she? Why is everyone so scared of her?" He flopped back onto the slab of floor currently serving as a bed. "I just wish I knew what I was supposed to do."
"You are Pink Diamond," Blue Pearl whispered, coming to stand next to him. Her words almost, but not quite, formed a question.
"But I'm not," Steven moaned. "I'm trying to make things right, because I know my mom did a lot of awful things and she's gone, so I have to fix them, but I'm not her! I can't be her, no matter how much everyone wants me to be!" His throat grew tight, but he pressed on, "I always thought, maybe someday, if something h-happened to me," he stuttered, blinking back an image of dark sand, the taste of blood on his tongue- "mom might come back… but it's just me. My gem- she's gone. Forever. I just don't understand… Why did she make me? Why did she leave everyone she cared about behind? I know she fought to keep Earth safe, to keep the gems that lived there safe, but did she ever care about how they felt? About how much she hurt everyone?" Steven stopped, surprised to find tears on his cheeks. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," he choked.
He wiped his arm over his face, sniffling. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to listen to this," he directed at Blue Pearl, still hovering near him. "You probably hate me; I almost got you shattered. I wouldn't blame you." He sniffled again, aware of how pathetic he was being. He hadn't meant to bring this up- Blue Pearl was just so quiet and his thoughts were so loud. He couldn't think of anything else to say and the silence was just as unbearable, filled with memories that stuck to him like tar, dragging him down and down into cold dark guilt. Since he'd been taken to Homeworld his thoughts had seemed to pace around the same tired tracks, stirring dusty questions that had no answers. If his mind had a floor, he was sure he'd worn holes through it by now.
A sudden presence startled him, bringing him back to reality. He looked over, finding Blue Pearl had taken a seat next to him, watching him intently, eyes barely visible in the shadow of her fringe. Her gaze held a surprising amount of emotion, but as to its nature, Steven couldn't say.
"I'm sure my Diamond will find a way to return your memories," Blue Pearl said quietly, voice devoid of the conflict in her eyes. "Everyone is relieved you have returned to Homeworld."
Steven sighed, looking away, attention caught by decorative pink bubbles as they bobbed against the ceiling, shimmering in the light. He stuck his hand under his shirt, fingers catching on the deep lines surrounding his gem. The diamonds didn't seem relieved, they seemed angry. They wanted Pink, not him, and he obviously wasn't living up to their expectations.
Surprisingly, Blue Pearl spoke again. "White Diamond cares very much for you. You have always been of… interest… to her." Her fingers shifted slightly, retightening their clasp on each other. "She may have already been informed of your situation."
"You mean Blue and Yellow told her?" Steven asked. He continued, sullenly, "I thought they didn't want anyone to know I was broken."
Blue Pearl tensed. "Very little can be withheld from White Diamond," she stated cryptically, voice hardly more than a whisper, "even when it may be… beneficial."
Steven frowned. Did that mean they didn't tell White? "…Did you tell her?" he questioned.
Blue Pearl stiffened, her voice an offended gasp. "I would never betray the trust of my Diamond." It was the most emotion he'd heard from her; she must truly be loyal to Blue.
Steven's frown deepened. He felt like he was missing something. He decided to just throw it out there and ask. "I don't get it. Why are you telling me this?"
"White Diamond is flawless," the pearl replied ominously. "She does not tolerate disappointment."
"And how would I not… disappoint her?" Steven prodded, not liking where this seemed to be going, but needing to know nonetheless.
A silence ensued, then Blue Pearl stood. Steven thought for a moment she would leave, but instead she spoke again.
"Whatever you have done on… Earth…" she grimaced at the planet's name, "it would best be forgotten."
Steven protested, "I can't just forget about-!" but Blue Pearl interrupted him, for once speaking with force, and Steven was startled into silence.
"You are a Diamond," she intoned, message clear. "My Diamond does not wish to upset you… She cares for you above all." She hesitated, wringing her hands before they settled back to impassivity. "White Diamond is not happy. It is not my place to say… but your games have ceased to amuse her." She turned towards him for the first time since she'd started to speak. "My Diamond has grieved long enough." There was a silent plea in her voice, and pieces began to fit together in Steven's mind.
"You mean…" Steven said with rising horror, "White will shatter me, if I don't do what she wants?" He had considered the possibility, but to have it confirmed was worse. He couldn't help the shudder that ran through him.
Blue Pearls lips thinned into a fine line. "You are precious to all gems. White Diamond would not do such a thing."
"Then what?" Steven asked, a little desperate. Why wouldn't she just tell him? What could be worse than shattering?
Blue Pearl struggled for a moment, turning her head away as her hands twisted in her skirt. Finally, she swept up her fringe, raising one hand to tap the lid of her left eye, her right locked with Steven's with an intensity that left him stunned. Steven made to question, not understanding the gesture in the least, but Blue Pearl turned away, stoically resuming her position by the door. It was clear the conversation was over.
Steven was left more confused than ever, but if this pearl reacted anything like his Pearl did, he didn't want to push the matter. It looked like she'd been ordered not to talk about it, whatever it was. He didn't know how much more bad news he could take, anyway. Yet, it was almost nice to know that Blue Pearl was at least trying to look out for him, if in her own weird, Homeworldy way. Almost. He grimaced, then sighed. More questions he couldn't answer.
"I guess the tasking room really lived up to its name," Steven murmured, giving a small chuckle as he tried to reinitiate a conversation. The noise fell flat in the room. He spared a glance at Blue Pearl, not surprised to find her watching him. "You know, because it was tasking being in there."
He would've sworn the corner of Blue Pearl's mouth twitched but, then again, it could've been a figment of his imagination. Regardless, Steven smiled too. It was a small, tight smile, but the familiar motion relaxed his face in a pleasant way, surfacing memories of home.
How he wished he was home.
"You really care about Blue Diamond, don't you?" Steven mused. He didn't receive an answer, but then he didn't really expect one. He may be considered a 'diamond,' but Blue Pearl showed no obligation to answer to him, unlike Blue Diamond. He sat up, holding his arms close in a facsimile of comfort.
"I have people I care about too, back on Earth." He saw Blue Pearl stand a little straighter. "I know you think I should just forget about them, but I can't." He looked beseechingly at his strange companion, begging her to understand. "Even if you were separated from Blue Diamond, you couldn't just forget about her, right? My friends are the same to me. Even if they're far away, I still care about them. I still want to keep them safe. Even if I never see them again." He let his thought lie, feeling himself starting to tear up again. He swallowed against the dull sting in his eyes; he couldn't afford spend any more time crying.
Blue Pearl looked to the closed curtains. Even without saying anything, it was clear what she was thinking. "I'll be careful around White, I promise," Steven said. "I know the diamonds and I haven't gotten off to the best start, but I'm going to do my best to change that." Even if it was the last thing he did.
Steven sighed, getting up. He was exhausted, but not in a way that required sleep. He walked to the hidden wall-door; it opened before him, no doubt thanks to the pebbles. He couldn't help but stare in awe as the doorway's edges curled outward, even having seen it before. Homeworld was so full of beauty… and secrets.
He walked down the twisting hallway, a little surprised when he looked back and found Blue Pearl absent. It seemed she'd stayed by the door. He felt relieved, not being watched, but the empty spot in his chest grew as her absence served to reinforce how alone he was. Steven hopped up on the stool in front of his mom's table, avoiding his reflection as he tapped the screen into life. The pictures flashed back to existence, showing the diamonds smiling, together. He was beginning to doubt things were ever as happy as the snapshots suggested.
He swiped through some more images, smiling at a few of his mom playing with the pebbles. White was present in very few of the pictures; it seemed Pink spent most of her time with Blue and Yellow. It didn't surprise Steven, since he hadn't even seen White yet. It occurred to him that, despite being family, White might not have cared for Pink in the same way the other diamonds did. He didn't know how to feel about that. Looking at these pictures of his mom, before Earth - before Rose - was strange. He drank in every scrap of information surrounding her, this enigmatic icon of two worlds, someone he'd never known yet had to live up to. But, as much as he yearned for more, the knowledge he gained brought his turbulent feelings tumbling to the surface, tearing into his already-ruined heart. What would his mom say, seeing him here now, in the very place she tried so hard to forget? He wasn't sure he wanted to know.
Steven tugged on one of his curls, anxiously twirling the end around his finger. He swiped the pictures away, bringing up what seemed to be a menu screen. Words in gem glyph hung under little boxed icons, connected in a web of lines. Steven groaned; he'd started trying to learn the gem language after the whole Centipeedle issue (to Pearl's delight), but he hadn't gotten far. He studied the glyphs, sounding out possibilities as he attempted to pry their meanings from the depths of his memory. Strangely, the further he got in translation, the more they formed a theme. Decoration, guests, music… was his mom really into parties or something? He tapped the 'decoration' icon, surprised to find an array of images, from color palettes to cloth swatches, crystal inlay and more, accompanied by short paragraphs that he didn't even attempt to make sense of.
Steven's brow furrowed. He thought Pink Diamond was supposed to do galactic dictator stuff: conquering star systems, terraforming planets… not planning parties. But then Earth had been Pink's first colony. Was this truly all she did before then? Sitting here in empty rooms, organizing celebrations for other people's accomplishments? That couldn't be. He backed out to the main menu, finding similarly-organized lists under the other icons, but nothing more. It reminded him rather uncannily of a more elaborate, gemish version of his wedding scrapbook, and a knot of discomfort wormed its way into his gut.
He was flicking through a list of foreign gems, entranced as he decoded their specific facets, cuts, and cabochons, when a voice nearly startled him out of his skin.
"Pink Steven," Blue Pearl's voice inquired, a whisper behind him.
Steven twisted with a startled yelp, knocking his stool off-balance in the process. He clutched the table's edge, fighting to keep the seat from tipping over, eventually managing to fumble it to rights with his feet. He looked up to find Blue Pearl tense, sporting more of a grimace than a frown.
"I apologize for intruding, Pink Steven," Blue Pearl spoke. Steven opened his mouth, wanting to reassure her that she was hardly intruding, but she continued, "but my Diamond has requested my presence."
"Oh," Steven replied, crestfallen. She hadn't exactly been great company, but she was still more heartening than the diamonds had been. "Okay," he stated. It's not like he could ask her to stay, with Blue being the one who called for her. She would probably be relieved to get back to Blue- to get away from him.
Blue Pearl saluted, somehow managing to make the harsh tangle of limbs appear fluid, before turning away. She drifted down the hall, turned the corner, and vanished from sight, seeming to take Steven's optimism with her. He turned back to the screen, sighed, and gave up, emptiness blooming once more in his chest. Even if he could translate the meatier paragraphs, it was just a series of party lists. It wouldn't help him convince a trio of dictators to stop destroying planets and return him to Earth. It wouldn't even help him get past the door to his- Pink's room.
He was about to hop down when a square hole appeared in the floor, a number of pebbles rushing out to fawn over him.
"Hey you guys," Steven smiled, looking down at the giggling gems. "What have you been up to?"
"Us pebbles have been waiting for you, Pink!" one pebble called out joyously, clinging to his pantleg.
Steven laughed, awkwardly. How was he supposed to respond to that? These gems (and practically every other Homeworld gem, it seemed) wanted nothing more than to wait on him, hand and foot. They seemed almost oblivious to their own wants, their own lives. It was disturbing, to say the least.
Steven gave the gems another smile, lifting a struggling pebble up to his shoulder as he suppressed another sigh. Keep it together, Steven, he chastised himself. He couldn't afford a repeat performance of his last meeting with the diamonds.
Speaking of, he still didn't know what exactly had blown that hole in the floor. He knew it was most likely him… but he didn't want to believe it. He'd always used his powers to heal, to protect. This was nothing like that. The blast had been powerful, uncontrolled, violent; it scared him. He didn't want to be responsible for something so… monstrous.
Steven shook his head, pushing the thought from his mind. Even if it was him, there was nothing he could do about it except tamp down the emotions he'd been feeling at the time. A solution easier said than done, when said emotions were trying to eat him alive.
Steven hopped off the stool with an exasperated groan, legs taking him back to the main room. He paced to the door, shooting it a glare (that, predictably, did nothing), then over to the curtains, throwing them open with more force than strictly necessary. He looked out over the balcony, but the monument to White's gleaming face stared back, sending a shiver down his spine. He turned back inside again, twitching the curtains shut behind him, a taut ball of nervous energy keeping his legs in movement as he swept from one side of the room to the other.
Steven hated this. His dad would reprimand him for the 'four-letter word,' but Steven couldn't bring himself to care. His dad wasn't here. He hated this. Both true statements.
He didn't know how much longer he could stomach this arrangement, placed at the beck and call of gems that could kill him with barely a thought, exiled to an empty room when his presence didn't suit them. Which was always. Because he wasn't Pink. And when they finally realized that... When they finally understood that Pink was dead and he was all that was left: a broken, useless afterimage of what used to be…
Steven's eyes stung and he paused, leaning his forehead against the wall, taking a steadying breath. A familiar slab opened and Steven acquiesced, resting his chin in the alcove the pebbles had made. He sighed, offering the gems a miserable attempt at a smile.
"What's wrong, Pink?" a pebble, clad only in a yellow hat, asked.
A few pebbles crowded around his face, touching him gently. They showed such genuine concern that Steven couldn't bring himself to resent the misnomer. After all, he did have Pink's gem.
"I'm fine, pebbles, don't worry," Steven said. The lie came easier than it should've.
The pebbles giggled, tugging playfully on his hair as they took his statement as fact. Steven carefully extricated his face from the hole in the wall, pressing his back to it and sliding down to sit. A seat rose instantly beneath him. He looked to the closed door, lamenting his inability to perform even the simplest tasks. He needed a plan. He needed to get out of here. But how? He might as well be a prisoner, despite Blue's assurances that he was 'safe' and 'home'. He scoffed at the thought. As if.
His fingers caught against the facets of his gem, prominent despite the barrier of his shirt, and Steven stretched out his legs in thought. He needed to fix the injury surrounding his gem, as much as he needed to fix his relationship with the diamonds. But how could he…? Oh.
Steven smacked himself, letting out a huff of annoyance. Duh! He could heal! How had he not thought of this before now?
Hastily, Steven pressed a wet kiss to his hand, pulling up his shirt to observe the progress. But nothing happened, the shallow cracks still fanning out like roots, unchanged. Frowning, Steven licked his fingers, rubbing his spit against his gem. Nothing. He tried again, this time applying his now-dubiously magical spit to the cracks themselves. Still, nothing. Why wasn't it working?
He needed to test this: see if his healing powers had really deserted him. He shot up, heading back into the mirror room when he found nothing suitably breakable in the vicinity. He hopped up on the stool, noting the odd gem-flower once more. Perfect. He reached out a hand, then hesitated, an inch away from its stem. Could he really do this? This was his mom's… what if his powers really were gone? What if he couldn't fix it?
Steven shook his head. It'd been sitting here for thousands of years, untouched. No one would miss it if he ended up breaking it. One hand, then the other closed around the stem, applying just the right amount of pressure - it was sturdier than he thought - and after a moment the stalk snapped, a clean break. He caught the severed bloom as it fell, suddenly nervous. Moment of truth, Steven, he thought. He held the stem's edges together and wet his fingers, drawing them against the fractured area, breath stilled, body taut with anticipation. For a moment he thought nothing would happen, but then the break closed, fusing perfectly back to a whole.
Steven blinked, taking a closer look. Sure enough, the damage was completely repaired, not even a hint of a crack remaining. But then… why hadn't it worked on his injury? Could it truly not be healed? What did that mean? He gave himself one last kiss to check, but no, the cracks remained.
Steven dropped his head into his hands. There were so many unknowns, so many problems he couldn't solve. Was he truly, irreversibly broken? Would this scar plague him forever, an unceasing reminder of the end of his human life? He didn't know if he could handle that. Yet, he had to. He had to be strong, for Earth, for the Gems, for his family. He had to get back to them. He had to keep them safe.
Steven didn't know how much later it was that a familiar chime startled him out of his thoughts. He froze, debating the risk of staying hidden in the secret room, before brushing off the selfish desire. He needed to talk to the diamonds. Everything that had happened was just an accident- a misunderstanding. It wasn't their fault. He could still fix this. He would fix this.
It was with that thought in mind that he made his way back to the main room, just in time for the door to slide open. Once more he found himself in front of Blue Diamond, peering down at him through eyes like fallen stars, and he fought back the pressing desire to turn and run. You can do this, Steven, he told himself, plastering on a smile.
Blue caught his eye and smiled. "Pink, there you are," she said fondly.
Where else would I be, Steven thought, a flicker of anger running through him, but refrained from saying such. "Yeah… here I am," he laughed, more than a little forced.
Blue hesitated, and Steven had a feeling whatever came next wouldn't be good.
"Pink, I've sent for someone to tend to your…" her hand stretched out as she searched for an appropriate word, "damage."
He was right, it wasn't good. He'd already determined it couldn't be healed; what more could some Homeworld gem do? Just the thought of someone looking at- touching his gem… He felt his insides go cold. He couldn't deal with this, not now, but especially not with Blue looming over him.
"You really don't-" Steven began, but the door opened once more, revealing Blue Pearl… and someone else.
A gem he'd never seen before entered the room, prim and businesslike, immediately saluting Blue. She was tall (well, tall compared to Blue Pearl), lean, with her circular gem lying just below her sternum. She was about the same coloration as aquamarine, but sporting gold freckles and bands across her body, clothed in a blue sleeveless jumpsuit, augmented by low-hanging strips of cloth in the front and back. Looking at her, the word sophisticated came to mind.
"Turquoise, tend to her," Blue ordered the gem, a wave of her hand indicating Steven. Steven blanched.
"It's really fine, Blue," he protested, hands flying as his mind raced to find an excuse not to be 'tended to,' whatever that meant, "you didn't need to go to all this trouble."
"What about this is fine?" Blue replied, exasperated. "Just let the turquoise do her job, and this will all be over with."
The gem- turquoise advanced, eyes roving over Steven curiously, her gaze lingering on the most common placements of gems, obviously trying to find his. He stiffened. There was no way he was letting anyone anywhere near his gem. She turned back to Blue for a moment, pursing her lips.
"My Diamond, may I ask what type of gem this is?" the turquoise queried, her voice melodic in a way that would've been soothing, had he heard it in any other scenario.
Blue blinked in surprise, then bristled. "She is Pink Diamond," she snapped, her tone making the turquoise's breach of etiquette readily apparent.
The turquoise froze, head snapping back to Steven, eyes wide with shock. She practically fell into a salute, stammering, "M-my Diamond! I apologize for my indiscretion! It is truly an honor to be in your most illuminating presence."
Steven cringed. He saw Blue Diamond turn to her pearl with a flash of eyes and a frown, wordlessly demanding an explanation.
Blue Pearl answered, unphased, "My Diamond, you instructed me not to inform Turquoise of the nature of her services. I had not anticipated Pink Diamond's appearance causing confusion. Would you like me to explain?"
Blue relaxed, seeming satisfied. "No, I'm sure she understands the situation now." She directed her next words to the turquoise, clipped and commanding, "Word of Pink's… affliction is not to leave this room, understood?"
"Perfectly, My Diamond," the turquoise replied, bowing so low she was practically touching the floor.
Turquoise turned once more to Steven, smiling politely as she advanced further, but paused, confused, as Steven stepped back. She looked between him and Blue, conflicted as to how to proceed.
"Blue, this really isn't necessary," Steven added, now that eyes were back on him.
"Continue, Turquoise," Blue directed, gaze barely flicking over Steven, a silent petition to behave.
A flicker of fear ran through him, making him retreat another few steps. "No, really, I mean it! Whatever you want her to do, it's not even gonna work!"
"Pink," Blue began, a reprimand, but Steven interrupted.
"Why don't we just call this off and forget about it? I'm sure it'll go away on its own if we give it some time!" he insisted with forced cheer, though it sounded a step away from hysterics to his ears.
Steven was shaking now, breaths shallow. Turquoise seemed to realize something was wrong, taking a step back as she looked at him with- worry? fear? Whatever it was, it wasn't good.
Blue opened her mouth.
"No, I- it's fine, really!" Steven sputtered. He tried to keep his voice light, to push back the panic, but it only accentuated his desperation. "You don't need to worry! It's not that big a deal!"
"Pink, please," Blue's voice was impatient, filled with reproach, left somewhere between irritation and exasperation. She'd clearly had enough of his excuses.
His gaze, searching, helpless, flicked to Blue Pearl, standing still and proper in Blue Diamond's wake. He wondered what she'd seen, always present, never acting, a shadow in a room of beings beyond reproach. How many times had she looked on as gems were shattered? How many times had she stood by, still and silent and always, always loyal, as horrors were wrought before her? Did she even care? Did she feel this fear as he did, coiled about his gem like a strangling vine? Did she truly love her diamond, truly desire to serve her so unquestioningly, or was she just playing along, too afraid to act out? Too afraid to die?
He shouldn't have let his mind travel these paths. Everything was crowding in around him again, at once too empty and too close. His breath quickened. Blue Diamond towered over him, a menacing, unfeeling statue with a presence the weight of oceans, her eyes cold and flashing with anger, filling the room with dread, sickly and suffocating. Her hand reached out, and it was the same hand that tore his dad from the planet's surface, whisking him away- Steven would never see him again- If only he'd never come here- The same hand that would have shattered Garnet- Ruby- Sapphire- his friends- Lars, dead in his arms- His fault- his family- Poofed, because of him, because he couldn't protect them- The beach- his gem, torn from his stomach, his body cast aside like a broken doll- Blood, dark and red, spilling, pooling on the sand- Connie crying- Dying- dying-! A hand, too close, too large, too murderous- He couldn't think- couldn't breathe- DON'T TOUCH ME!
Steven was on his knees, panting and sobbing, eyes wide but unseeing, pressed back against the wall. He blinked, trembling, and found his view obscured by pink. No- not obscured, tinted. He blinked again, willing the world to focus through his tears, looking down to find his arm- so pink, so inhuman- outstretched, a familiar thrum resonating in his gem. A bubble? He dropped his arm, sagging in relief as the exhausted limb was freed. He looked up once more, feeling the strain as his eyes adjusted, bringing the bubble surrounding him into focus at last. Only, it wasn't a bubble, at least not the smooth, round one he'd always summoned. No, this bubble was faceted, geometric, a haphazard interlocking of triangles and diamonds, bleeding away into the wall behind him. He scrubbed at his eyes, but when he opened them once more nothing had changed. Or rather, the changes remained the same, leaving the gears in his mind jumping tracks as he tried and failed to comprehend them.
Abruptly, Steven remembered how, exactly, he'd come to be cowering in the corner. Oh no. Blue had been- His gaze snapped up, taking in the rigid form of the gem matriarch, not towering before him, but pressed heavily against the opposing wall. There was anger in her face, but hurt and tears overshadowed it. He frowned, realizing she was clutching one hand with the other, pressed to her chest, shielding it as if wounded. Could a diamond be wounded? His lips parted, a question, a concern, before his mind acknowledged the rest of the room. He froze, a still sense of terror numbing his limbs, draining his clouded thoughts into an empty abyss.
The room was destroyed. The floor was nothing but rubble, like a bomb had been dropped, chunks of ceiling and collapsed walls strewn about in shiny pink piles. The portions of wall that had survived the blast were more cracked than whole, and one of the curtains had fallen from the balcony, revealing the looming visage of White Diamond beyond. He looked back to Blue, eyes wide with horror, and Steven realized he was crying. Whether it was from the diamond's power or his own volition, he couldn't say.
"I'm sorry," he choked. And he was. He didn't know what was happening to him, why he kept destroying things like this. He just wanted this - all of this - to stop.
"I'm sorry," he sobbed. Was he the one who hurt Blue? Had he hurt Turquoise too? Or even Blue Pearl or the pebbles? A tinny buzzing filled his ears, bringing with it a wave of guilt. It was all his fault.
Steven curled into himself, hearing (or perhaps just realizing) Blue's voice. He whimpered, feeling more than seeing his bubble collapse. Was this it? Had she finally had enough of him? Would she shatter him now?
Maybe… maybe he deserved it.
"-always do this, Pink!" Steven flinched, trying and failing to block out the anguished voice. "I don't understand you!" Tears streamed from Steven's eyes, and he pressed his face against his knees. "We finally have you back, and you're worse than ever!" Steven tried to muffle a sob, but the long sigh that emanated from Blue told him she'd heard it. "Oh, Pink," she said, drawn.
Suddenly he was lifted- no, picked up. Steven cried out, only for a stifling wave of calm to smother his alarm. He struggled against it, briefly, but it was so much easier not to feel… when feeling felt like this. Maybe it was better this way.
He lifted his head, slowly, and saw a mirror of his tears running down Blue's cheeks, though her eyes were hard and her jaw set. She moved with purpose through the pink halls, not once sparing him a glance. He ducked down again, taking refuge behind fingers like prison bars, a vague feeling of shame blooming in his stomach. He'd hurt Blue. He'd hurt her and now she wouldn't even look at him.
Steven lost track of their way as he wrapped his arms about himself, deep in regret and the hollow hole where his heart should be. How could he have done this? How could he have disappointed Blue? He was supposed know better- be better than this. It was all his fault.
Abruptly, Steven felt a jostle; Blue came to a stop. Yet, before he could look up, he was ushered off of Blue's hand and onto the floor. Blue stepped back from him, looking disapproving but not murderous, and he chanced a small glance at his surroundings. He seemed to be in a dark, empty room, a single high window letting in a small bit of natural light. It was altogether ominous, but Blue's presence reduced his rising panic to a flat, dull knot in his chest.
"You need to control yourself, Pink," Blue said, voice carefully measured, tears dried. Her right hand crept up to hide her left, massaging it in such a way that left Steven no doubt that she had, in fact, been injured by his uncontrolled blast. Another movement of her hands revealed the tattered remains of her half-glove, and Steven looked away, ashamed. How could he have done such a thing?
He opened his mouth to say something- another apology, probably, but Blue spoke again. "We're trying to fix the mess you've made," she sighed, then continued, resigned, "I don't want to do this, but you've left me no other choice. You'll stay here until you've shown you can behave properly."
Steven glanced around once more, the gray walls no more interesting than the first look. "You're just going to leave me here?" he asked, torn between relief and worry: relief at not being shattered, but apprehension that he might instead be abandoned, forgotten for eons in this dismal, colorless room. Then again, considering how he'd literally blown up the last two times he'd so much as laid eyes on the diamonds, maybe that was for the best. At least here he couldn't hurt anyone else.
Blue looked at him, the first time since she'd picked him up. Her eyes, normally wide and expressive (even if most of that expression was sorrow and tears), had turned hard. It reminded him rather uncannily of Garnet's 'I expect you to know what you did was wrong and never do it again' expression. And he knew, really, he knew. He just didn't know how to stop it. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself once more, rocking back onto his heels as he ducked his head. He didn't want to see the disappointment in Blue's eyes.
"This is for your own good, Pink," Blue said, so far above him she orbited a different star, and Steven knew her words were true. How could he have doubted it? Blue would never do something if it wasn't for the best.
Suddenly a finger touched his chin, so gently, lifting his face until he met Blue's eyes. Eyes that held disappointment, but also love. "You must've been hurt so awfully on that planet." Steven made to correct her, but the finger on his chin pushed just a little harder, forcing his mouth closed. "It must be hard to accept, losing so much of your memory, but you're safe here. You're home. But you can't keep acting out like this. You understand, don't you, Pink? If you lose control in public, cause a scene, White will be so disappointed. You don't want to disappoint her, do you?"
Blue fell silent, and Steven, trapped in her fathomless eyes, could only shake his head. The corner of Blue's lips turned up for a moment, and Steven felt a sense of ease wash over him. This was how it was supposed to be.
The finger at his chin withdrew and a moment later so did Blue, pausing at the closing door to offer a parting, "Think about what you've done, Pink. You know better than this." Her sad gaze, accompanied by a single tear, condemned him to his solitude. And Steven was alone.
Like a puppet without its strings he dropped, every battling emotion suddenly rising to the surface at the desertion of Blue's aura. He clenched his eyes shut, pressing his palms into them as if to stem his tears at their source. Of course, this didn't work, and Steven cried anyway. He didn't even know what he was crying about, only that he couldn't stop, no matter how much he wanted to. Every aching, tainted thing within him poured from his eyes, drawing him deeper and deeper into regret. For what wasn't the first time, and wouldn't be the last, he wished for his family. Even an image of their smiling faces would've brought him comfort, reminding him that they were more than a half-faded dream. But no, Steven had nothing. He was well and truly alone. And in this empty, dark prison, that fact settled within him, bringing a pain even he couldn't heal.