CHAPTER THREE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE
The sky seemed almost a sickly color; greens and muted yellows that had no place being where they were. Streaks of it ripped through the air in place of clouds, leaving long, jagged, claw-mark-like trails that reached from horizon to horizon.
It cracked then; massive rifts of darker-than-black creeping and fissuring through the heavens. Red bled down through them, dripping at the edges, and painting that sickly sky an unnatural pink.
In the midst of it all, the Shanghai skyline rose up, buildings growing upwards like stalagmites.
"What's gotten into him?" Yuri's voice echoed on the wind, "Why's he standing on the other side of the railing like that?"
"I don't deserve to be warm." Viktor's voice answered; distant and cold, "I'm a...a failure at being a coach and a spouse. If you want to fire me, just tell me...I'll understand..."
"I had a panic attack! You couldn't have done anything! NO ONE could have!"
"If I hadn't agreed to come back to competition, no one would've said the things they had about us both winning Gold going into the Final!"
The wind changed, and the sky's red tint changed to blue, as though the entire thing had been dropped into dye suddenly. The Shanghai city-scape merged into itself like folding origami, reshaping until Hasetsu Castle burst from the dusty rubble.
"You were the one who picked up the shattered pieces of my reality and put them back together again. You were the only reason I made it through that ordeal intact. If everything that happened at NHK happened at Russian Nationals instead, when you can't be there? I don't...know that I'd still be here."
I don't...know that I'd still be here...
...that I'd still be here...
The words echoed into the distance, eventually fading to nothing. An eerie silence followed...and then the loudest thunder-clap Yuri had ever heard.
A flash of black, and Yuri lurched upward, the cold air of his bedroom replacing the balmy, humid, acrid atmosphere of the dreamscape he'd just left. His skin felt clammy, sticky with sweat...the blankets around him cool and damp. His heart raced in his chest, but the longer he sat there catching his breath, the more calm it became. He closed his eyes and shook his head.
I feel like I was out for days... What time is it...?
Looking around the room, even with the curtains pulled completely shut, he could tell that it was after sundown. Without his phone nearby though, it was impossible to know exactly what the hour was. That left him with nothing to think about but the nauseated feeling he had in his stomach, waking up from a nightmare that made no sense, but made him uneasy anyway.
...I've heard about how, sometimes, even really famous and well-liked people can actually be so lonely and depressed that they end it all. They're so popular that they're desperately alone, even in a crowd.
Yuri crossed his legs under the blanket, and looked through the dark to where he knew his ring was on his finger.
"There are times where I don't even want to go to Nationals back home because I can see others giving up when they see me go by." He recalled Viktor saying, nearly an entire year prior, "At least here, people still get excited about their scores, even if they're far below yours. You haven't been burying them for so long that only the fans are happy to see you. But that's part of what makes what we have now so special."
"...What do you mean?"
"It's lonely at the top." Viktor had explained, "So I'm glad you're here with me. You can see everything with the same eyes that I do, looking out from the same vantage point, rather than from somewhere beneath it."
Yuri drew a nervous breath and turned in place, putting his legs over the edge of the mattress, feeling his toes grace the edge of the floor. His hand went down onto where his spa jacket had been folded, and he turned his head, realizing what it was, and pulling it in front of himself.
Viktor sometimes gets into some really dark moods... I hate feeling like he might actually do something one day...
He pulled the jacket up to his face, breathing in the smell of it as though he might find traces of the sad Russian on it, but then quickly unfurled it and slipped his arms through.
But...even though I'm here for him...would that be enough to stop him...?
A nervous sigh escaped him, and he moved his hands to tie the jacket closed at his side. He shuffled a few paces forward pulled the door open, stepping out into the dimly lit hallway. To the left, windows to the courtyard, and the barren trees, lightly frosted with snow. On the right, a plain wall, followed by the sliding doors that lead to the formerly-repurposed banquet hall. Yuri pushed one panel aside and glanced within, seeing how it was still packed up and strangely empty...like a tomb. It put a chill down his spine and he closed it again, making his way towards the stairs.
The public area of the resort was bustling with the sound of business; plates and bowls, cutlery being set out or picked up, the television playing some program or another, and quiet words spoken between the different patrons. When Yuri stepped into the common room, he saw the Nishigoris towards the front with their girls, Makkachin and Jiro snoozing in the space between their table and the one Minako was sitting at with Viktor. The ballerina had a tall glass of beer, half-empty by that point, and Viktor still had the shochu from earlier, but it looked like he hadn't poured any since Yuri last saw it. To his eyes, Viktor was hunched over the low table, propped up on his elbows so his shoulders were scrunched up, head bowed like he was looking at or reading something.
It was easy enough to sneak up to the bunch; everyone's eyes were facing away. Even the handful of patrons that Yuri didn't know only did so much as turn their heads briefly to watch him go by, as though only glancing his way because of the natural instinct to look at movement seen out the corner of one's eye. When he was within a few feet, he could tell that Viktor was looking at his phone; reading something, though he didn't know what. Just as Makkachin lifted his head, sensing his approach, Yuri crouched down behind his husband and threaded his arms around the Russian's core, pressing in against the man's back.
"Oh!" Viktor almost yipped, completely surprised by the sudden touch, but quickly realized who'd done it and smiled his relief, "Ah, you're up sooner than I thought. I was going to give you another 30 minutes."
"Is it really still that early?" Yuri mumbled against the back of his partner's shoulder, then lifted his head and set his chin there instead, nosing the ear just ahead of him, "I feel like I slept for a hundred years."
"Since the sun goes down so early in winter, that's not surprising." Yuuko commented, "But it's only 5:30."
"Wow."
"You guys should change into something warm so we can go outside." Minako pointed out, taking a sip from her beer, "The fireworks thing is supposed to start in about an hour."
"Okay." Viktor nodded, grabbing up his phone and shifting where he sat so he could get his knees out from under the table. Yuri moved with him, keeping one arm on the man's frame as they rose, pushing up on the table behind him with the other, "We'll be right back then. Keep an eye on the kids for us."
The ballerina reached to her left and gently scritched Jiro's head as he snoozed there, half-lying on Makkachin's plushy tail, "I think we can handle them for a little while."
The two skaters smiled at the fluff-pile and turned to move off, heading back the way Yuri had come. The journey into the onsen changing room was made in relative silence, each of them moving at-pace with the other, an arm around each other's backs. When they finally came to standing in front of the small lockers where their travel clothes had been stowed, Yuri paused, turning to face the confused Russian instead of reaching for the handle to the small locker.
"Didn't sleep well...?" Viktor wondered hesitantly, "I guess my efforts weren't much help." He sighed, but smiled, "I'll try harder next time to wear you out more thoroughly."
"That...wasn't it." Yuri answered, turning on his heels and stepping in closer, both arms going around his partner's chest, hands clinging tightly to the green fabric covering Viktor's back. It was a relief to feel arms coming up over his shoulders, hugging him closely in return, "I'm just worried about you." He explained, burying his brow against the crook of his husband's shoulder and neck, "I keep having this bad dream...the same one... It feels so real that it wakes me up."
"What do you see...?"
"A sickly green sky, like the heavens are rotting. Then it fractures, and these big cuts tear across it, and they bleed red rain all around." Yuri described, "I can see the Shanghai skyline, the buildings rising up like talons, and then...I hear your voice, repeating some of the things I heard you say when you were all drunk and upset. It carries on the wind like a scent from far away, and I feel the pain in my chest that you must've felt while standing on that ledge... Then everything turns blue, like ice instead of decay, and the skyscrapers are replaced by Hasetsu Castle. The wind changes direction, and I hear the echoes of the things you said at the airport. About how you didn't think you'd still be here if not for...me..." He nuzzled in closer and held tighter, "You told me earlier that you can't make me stop thinking about things, but you could ask me to at least stop talking about it for a little while." He lifted his head and looked straight into those cobalt eyes, "...Can I at least ask you to promise me...that no matter how bad it gets, you won't hurt yourself?"
Viktor was taken aback by those words, and his brow furrowed. He forced himself to blink and shake the pit that was trying to grow in his gut, "You don't have to worry about that sort of thing, Yuri..." He started, gently stroking the younger figure's hair, "I have too much to live for now. So...while it will never be my place to tell you how you feel about me, or how you might feel later...I know how I feel about you, and the only place I want to be is by your side, for as long as I can. I can't stand to think about shortening that time for any reason, never mind on purpose..."
Yuri could feel the relief washing over him like warm water, and he clung a little tighter, drawing in a deep breath. His throat hurt, but he swallowed his tears and lifted his head, smiling instead, "Same."
The silver Russian stole a quick kiss, and reached one hand up to tap the end of his husband's nose with one finger, "We still have many years of life and love together, you and I. For tonight though, let's get changed, grab our two goodest boys, and go enjoy the fireworks with everyone." He moved that arm away then, reaching for the small latch to the locker they'd stored their clothes in earlier, "And at least for now, no one's talked about what happened. They didn't even give me the gears about my charade at the medaling ceremony."
"Really?" Yuri wondered, turning as well to sort his things from his partner's, setting them on the small bench behind his knees, and moved to untie the loose knot on his right hip, "I'm not sure if that's good or weird."
"Right?" Viktor mused, doing much the same, "It's like I didn't skate at all. No one seems to want to talk about my shows."
"Maybe they're following your same mind-set and just want to keep things positive for tonight." Yuri suggested, casting off the robe from his shoulders and moving instead to untie the front of the spa pants, "Talking about your programs would inevitably lead to talking about how you did better than the rest of us, like usual." He teased, "And you did say at the start of things that you just wanted to thrash us all properly like old times."
"I did." The Russian laughed quietly, spa trousers falling to his ankles, and he sat back on the bench as he grabbed for one dark blue sock, "Honestly speaking though..." He started ominously, pulling the sock on and reaching for the other as Yuri found his underpants, "Having to wait until the end to go out and do my Free Program...getting to feel nervous over it was actually kind of exhilarating. I think one of the best parts of coming back to competition has been getting to feel like I actually have to fight for Gold. It's been a long time since I had to take anyone all that seriously as competition."
Yuri could feel his cheeks redden as he paused pulling his underwear on, but then finished the task and sat back with an amused grin, "You did train up your biggest threat."
"Threat? No..." The Russian shook his head, finding his own undergarments then, and lifting one leg after another to slip them on, "My greatest and most noble challenge. All else aside, it was a lot of fun, while it lasted."
Yuri paused again when he heard the words, sitting there with his pants only pulled up to his knees. His brow furrowed a little, betraying his improving mental state, "...Yeah."
.
"I wonder if either of them knows...?"
"Should we say something?"
"No way...let's just leave them alone for now. No sense ruining their night with this. Best leave it for later, or when they find out themselves."
"We're ready." Yuri announced, stepping back into the common room, and spotting their group of friends huddled over their dogs awkwardly, "...What's going on?"
"Nothing!" Minako pulled back immediately, a nervous smile on her face as she looked at the two confused skaters. She turned back to the group, "Let's get our coats on! It's time to go!"
The rest of them were quick to hop up and rush towards the entrance hall, ready to find their things and brace for the great cold outdoors. Watching them go by, Yuri and Viktor blinked in confusion, but then looked at one another and shrugged. They stepped into the common room and gathered up their furry sons. Yuri bundled Jiro up in a towel as he picked the sleepy puppy up, folding it around the pup's little fuzzy limbs and protecting those soft pink toe-beans. He got a lick on the chin for his efforts, and he huffed a quiet laugh at it before turning to his husband. As he felt a hand gently press to his lower back, he knew Viktor and Makkachin were ready, and started making his way after the others.
Once Viktor had his scarf and coat on, he helped Yuri with his own, using one scarf to help create something of a sling for Jiro. It was tied and looped over Yuri's head, then under the bundle that the pup had been gathered into, and finally, Yuri's multi-pocketed brown jacket, zipped up in the front to just under Jiro's front paws and head. That done, Yuri's hands were freed up, and he teased the small Akita's toe-beans with one finger as Viktor claimed the fingers of his free hand, pulling the whole thing into his coat pocket as they stepped outside.
Taking their time, the group walked together from the resort to the bridge across the Matsuura river. Snow crunched beneath their feet, and their breaths drifted off like small clouds in the cold air.
Yuuko slowed her walk to step by Yuri's side, pointing at the Ice Castle just beneath the 'ninja house' on the hill, "It's hard to see from this far away, but they've got banners hanging from the building congratulating you on Gold, Yuri."
"We'll stop about halfway across." Nishigori commented, looking back over his shoulder, "This'll be the best seat in town."
The triplets clapped excitedly, "Yuri's practically the town mascot now!"
"I'm not a mascot...!" He protested, making a face at the girls, "We can make Makkachin the mascot!"
The poodle gave him a look as well, hearing his name but not sure why. Viktor leaned down to pat his head and reassure him.
"Maybe Jiro should be." Minako suggested, "Makkachin is more a Russian dog than anything, but Jiro's Japanese, and he's going to be growing up here. Plus, he's the first dog you two got together, since Viktor and Makka came together as a package."
"Jiro...a dog of Hasetsu." Yuri said quietly, "I guess there's a ring to it."
As they arrived at their choice spot, Viktor mused about where the fisherman had gone to, who normally cast his line from that same spot. He needed to be reminded that it was winter, and he just scoffed at that, "Winter never stopped anyone in Russia from fishing!"
"Maybe he just comes out in the daytime. Hard to fish at night, I bet." Yuri suggested, deflating the tease.
With nearly 30 minutes to go before the show would start, the group opted to loiter around and wait. Viktor convinced his partner to let Jiro walk on his own despite the cold, and the puppy seemed to enjoy the freedom...for all of 30 seconds. One step from the cold concrete of the swept sidewalk onto the snowy pile that collected on the bridge's edge, and he was done. A single paw-print in the frosty white fluff was all that told that Jiro had been there.
Viktor picked him up then and booped the pup's nose, "I think that was the cutest nope in history."
"I told you it was too cold." Yuri huffed triumphantly, looking up from where he sat on one of the concrete blocks in the bridge-cubby, one arm draped over Makkachin, "Maybe next year, when his paws aren't so new. He'll be nearly full size by summer."
"Ve'll mehk you beeg and strohng, laik Russian." Viktor teased, forcing an even thicker version of his existing accent. Jiro just bark-yipped once, small curly tail going back and forth excitedly as Viktor held him out, "Det's rait. In Jehpan, vinter mehk you cold, but in Soviet Russia...you mehk vinter cold."
Yuri smacked his forehead. He couldn't help but laugh at that.
Music started playing over the town's loudspeakers; the sassy guitars from the start of Eros. Having captured everyone's attention rather quickly, the music tapered off before the violins kicked in, replaced by a woman's voice; the same one that originally announced their plans for 'Onsen on Ice' the year before.
[Residents of Hasetsu! It is the honor and privilege of the Ice Castle, in association with Hasetsu Castle, to present to you tonight a dazzling display of congratulations to our town's heroes, Yuri Nikiforov, and his coach, Viktor Nikiforov!]
"What's she saying?" Viktor wondered, the dumb-happy heart-shaped smile creeping across his face again, "I really need to learn more Japanese."
"It's just a thing saying that the fireworks are for us because of the Final." Yuri explained, rising to stand and stepping closer to take his husband's arm.
[So let's celebrate with the Nikiforovs and YuTopia Katsuki for the new Gold medal they brought home to Hasetsu and for Japan, and to wish them luck in the coming All Japan Championships next weekend! Thank you very much!]
The loudspeakers switched to music again, playing Yuri's former Free Skate, Yuri on Ice. The piano was quick, tones rising and descending. With the first deep boom of the low notes, the group watched three massive fireworks blooms bursting in the sky above the castle. They were all rather impressed, watching the sparks fizzle out as they fell. With each new keynote and beat of the music, more fireworks rose, perfectly timed to the song. The background piano was accented with a flurry of smaller starbursts, while the larger ones were crested by the boom of the bigger ones, all wildly colorful and dazzling in their different burst compositions.
Jiro wiggled in scared confusion, trying to burrow his way into Viktor's jacket like he'd been in Yuri's earlier. In trying to keep the pup from wiggling right out of his hands though, Viktor moved down to take the stone seat that his spouse had occupied, plopping the Akita onto his lap and undoing his jacket quickly to pull the cold fuzzball inside. He cast his eyes up to the sky again, colors twinkling across the entire heavens, reflecting off the waters far below.
Yuri stepped up behind him, leaning against the Russian's back and draping his arms over his shoulders lazily, feeling at the quivering bundle barely-covered by the form-fitting coat. When Jiro stopped squirming, the two allowed themselves to focus on the fireworks, awestruck by the perfect timing and choreography.
"I want to skate to this again," Yuri commented quietly, "For my Free Skate at the Olympics."
"Really? How come?" Viktor wondered, gently caressing his partner's cheek with his own, "I thought you'd just keep doing your programs from this season."
"This song means more to me. I want the whole world to see what we created together." The younger man answered, "Plus, it's not just my story; it's ours."
The silver legend listened closely, but couldn't find words to answer. He turned his eyes aside to see the 'seeking' look in his husband's, and then turned them forward again to watch the brilliance above them.
The music quieted then, moving into the sad, melancholy part of the melody. Viktor could see the show in his mind's eye even as the fireworks went down a notch; Yuri's arms out to the side, gliding forward with his eyes closed before dipping down low. As it played on, several V-shaped lines of color shot into the sky in all directions away from the castle, each new bolt blazing forward to each key of the piano. Something about it struck the Russian, and he was a bit surprised to feel tears in his eyes. He tried to blink them away, but his movements only caught Yuri's attention.
"...You okay?" He whispered nervously, hugging the silver legend a bit tighter out of worry.
"Y-yes...I'm just..." Viktor tried to explain, but found it impossible. Emotion was welling inside him; his adoration for the program, the story it told, and it's melody, suddenly changed over to devastation and a sense of being betrayed. He couldn't stop the tears then. The first few were just the warning, and a dam was quickly breaking apart behind the man's eyes.
Yuri hugged him tighter, seeing the droplets fall from under those silver bangs.
"...Why did they do this to me...?" Viktor finally asked, "...I did everything they ever wanted... I worked so hard..."
"Viktor..."
Their words were heard by the rest of the group, and slowly, they each started looking back. It was becoming apparent rather quickly that Viktor had known about the bad news long before any of the rest of them had. None knew what to say...and they quietly watched as Viktor's heartbreak poured out for all to hear.