CHAPTER THREE HUNDRED THIRTY NINE

Going back into the room felt strange. The combination of nerves rising in anticipation of the conversation to come, after the highs, lows, and the lingering, trepidatious worry after sudden end of the conversation prior, gave way to a tumultuous roiling in Yuri's gut. Still, he tried to keep his head on straight as he pushed the door closed behind himself and started peeling off his jacket and scarf again. His shoes hadn't even been laced yet when they ran into the hall after Minako, so he just nudged them off with a toe against each heel, and pushed them together at the base of the wall. As Viktor moved out of the way, Yuri put his coat and scarf up in the closet, but paused a moment, lingering in the sliding glass doorway. His eyes moved across the closet's contents; the 6 different garment bags with their skating outfits, the pair of long coats Viktor had brought, his own singular jacket, plus each of their Olympic tracksuits, but eventually settled on the grey blazer he'd borrowed earlier, and reached for it, fumbling into each pocket until he found both his partner's wallet, and his glasses.

As he pushed the sliding panel across to close the closet, he caught sight out the corner of his eye where Viktor was starting to pull the rest of his shirt off, facing towards the windows as hands moved from one button to the next in the front.

"...So..." The Russian started, looking down to watch his fingers undo the last of the white glossy buttons, "...What do you think she's doing to do?"

Yuri hesitated a moment, but shook his head and stepped into the room, "I really have no idea. I wish I could call my mom and ask her what she thinks, but that would defeat the whole purpose of Minako-sensei not talking to her." He explained, moving to sit on one corner of the bed, "It's a really complicated situation."

"...Yeah."

"I had no idea the whole thing upset you in so many different ways."

"Well..." Viktor said quieter, pulling the bottom of the white button-down from where it had been tucked into his slacks, then let his arms go lax at his sides, "I think it just built up layers over time. When I first found out, I was acting on impulse...I'm not even really sure I consciously thought of all the things I said before, as reasons for why I wanted to knock my Uncle's block off. I just couldn't think straight at all."

"Speaking of the things you said..." Yuri started, rolling down on his back until he could stretch out on the pillow-top blanket, "All the stuff you mentioned about how people behave because of who you are...I suddenly remembered something Mikhail told me once."

"Hm?" The Russian turned his head, hooking his thumbs into the pockets of his slacks as he looked over a shoulder.

"Way back at our wedding party, at the shrine." He explained, "When you were off on your own taking photos with the fans that had turned up. Mikhail talked to me then. He mentioned a lot of things...some about you and I...some about him and Minako-sensei. But the thing that sticks out to me now, after hearing the things you said before, is that...he himself was bothered by the idea that others would only see him as an older version of you."

.

"I guess she's given up trying to style your hair like Viktor's, too?" Yuri pointed at where it was parted down the center in the man's usual affect, rather than over his left eye like his nephew's, "I can't say I've noticed it look that way in a little while."

"She still tries sometimes." Mikhail shrugged, "But a guy can only stand a lady's attention for so long when she's only giving it because you look like someone else that she already crushes on."

Yuri deadpanned him, "Minako-sensei doesn't have a thing for Viktor...she's a year older than my own mom."

"She'd be crazy not to pine for him! Look at him!" He made a wide gesture, as though dramatically presenting the younger figure in the distance.

"...Not seriously."

The Russian sighed and laughed at the same time, pulling his hands back to the warmth of his pockets, "No, I suppose not. There's a difference between loving a celebrity...and loving a friend, family member, or intimate partner."

.

"After loving someone so deeply, giving up every secret, exposing yourself body and soul to this person...for that to be taken away from you...you never even get to say goodbye, because that person is just...gone. Can you ever really feel safe loving someone else that way again?"

"No..."

"The opposite can be true, too." Mikhail went on, "And that's the problem I face with Minako. She sees me as just an older version of Viktor. But I'm more than what my person-suit looks like. Who I look like. I'm not Viktor."

"...I know..."

.

"I can't be sure that Minako-sensei wasn't originally attracted to Mikhail because of his resemblance to you...but I know she wouldn't toy with someone for this long for such a dumb reason. Eventually, the novelty of your resemblance would fade, and she would have had to start to see him for who he is, not for who he shares DNA with." Yuri reasoned, "At least, from what Mikhail told me...he has a really big complex for wanting to make sure people know who he really is. If it's not because he's trying to prove to you that he's trustworthy, then it's trying to prove to Minako-sensei that he's not you."

Viktor listened carefully, but kept his eyes on the sight of the window in front of him, and the mid-afternoon sky of Osaka just outside.

"If Mikhail had been here just now to see Minako-sensei's reaction to the news...I'm sure he'd be extremely relieved. If she was just some vapid, mindless trog who only cared about you or him as deeply as a back-stage groupie might...then she would be absolutely over the moon about this news." Yuri continued, still looking up at the textured ceiling, "But she's not. She's coming at it like the same person I always knew her to be, since long before you or him ever turned up. She's her own person with her own goals and ambitions for her life, and this news throws a big wrench into her plans. She's not like Sophia, using another life to take advantage of people who are rich or famous."

"...That was unfair of me to say about her, honestly." The Russian finally said, eyes lowering down to the window-sill, "The very first time Sophia even mentioned her daughter, she also said that she was going into kindergarten. She had no time to hover that trap over my head." He turned on a heel and looked towards his partner, "I only brought it up as an example of things I worry about. Sophia's a decent person...she and I just weren't meant to be. I don't blame her for that."

Hazel eyes looked on into blue, but Yuri eventually averted his gaze upward again and closed his eyes, "...I know."

Viktor held still for a moment, unsure how to take that response. Eventually, he took a step forward, climbing onto the far corner of the bed and making a slow crawling advance across the wide top towards his spouse, dropping down onto his chest and flattening out a few inches away from the man, "You don't think I'm crazy, do you?"

"I can only say that I know more about you now than I did earlier today." Yuri answered, "And that what I know now expands on my understanding of what makes you tick." He turned his head slightly and parted one eye to look, meeting the nervous expression on Viktor's face. After a moment, he twisted entirely onto his side, curving himself into a half-moon shape as he reached his left hand forward to comb his fingers through silver hair, "I will always be on your side in any contest with the world, even if you're dead wrong."

Viktor nodded lightly, lifting himself up to slouch over his elbows. As slender fingers brushed against his cheek, he reached up to lightly clasp the hand that moved with them, kissing them, then the palm. He held there a moment and closed his eyes, drawing in breath between his husband's fingers, but soon let the hand go to shimmy a bit closer to the man it belonged to.

Yuri rolled slightly more to his back as the Russian's right arm went over him, and loomed quietly overhead, looking down on him quietly. He felt the gentle brush of a nose against his own, and the warmth of each breath across his cheek, before the silver legend touched his brow down and waited there.

PING

The noise was muffled, but in the quiet of the room, nothing could sound more clear than the beep of a newly received text message.

"...That's probably Minako." Viktor thought aloud, lifting his head up again and opening those crystal eyes a crack.

TAK TAK TAK

"...And that's probably dinner 2.0." Yuri added, turning his head slightly towards the sound.

"Probably."

They reluctantly pulled up from where they'd been so comfortable. Yuri made his way to the front door as Viktor re-threaded one button in the middle of the front of his shirt. With the door opened and the usual greetings given, Yuri ushered the two hotel staffers in, carrying two trays with plates covered in silver-chrome domes. They were set down on the long desk that held up the television, and with nothing else needed, the pair made their way back into the hall again. Viktor stepped towards the trays to sort out which was which, but it became rather clear in a hurry since one tray had a small dish with a single raw egg sitting in it, so he pulled the dome off the other tray, and breathed in the scent of cinnamon and coffee.

Yuri went for his jacket in the closet, pulling out his phone to see the confirmation text from Minako that he'd asked for. He thumbed a quick reply as he walked back into the main part of the room, lifting his eyes in time to see his partner putting the two trays onto the flat of the foot of the bed. With only the entertainment-stand and a single, small, circular-top table to speak of, there was really nowhere else to eat, other than on the bed itself. Yuri tossed his phone towards the pillows before taking a seat and crossing his legs, looking at the comfort-fare Viktor had ordered for him.

"So now I'm curious," Viktor started, getting the younger man's attention as he was reaching for the raw egg, "In the mere days between Worlds and our wedding party, what...in my Uncle's infinite wisdom...could he have possibly had to say about us?"

Yuri hesitated to answer for a moment, cracking the eggshell on the rim of the dish it had come in, and letting its contents drop directly onto the bowl of steaming white rice next to it. He dropped the empty shells back in the cup, and wiped his hand off on a burgundy cloth napkin before reaching for the neatly-bundled wooden chopsticks, "A few things." He started, picking up the rice bowl in his left hand, using the chopsticks in the right to start stirring the raw egg into the mix, "Some of it may help to explain why I got so offended at the idea of the toy you asked for."

"...Ah..." The Russian huffed, twisting to cross his own legs in front of his food as well, but reached instead to plunge down on his coffee press before going after anything else, "I guess that spares me the awkward feeling of having to bring that up again myself."

"You're back to just calling him just Uncle." Yuri noticed, "You were at least calling him by his name for a little while. Did he get downgraded even further?"

"The longer I'm mad at him, the closer to baseline he gets." Viktor shrugged, pouring the brown liquid into a small white ceramic cup. He set the press down and reached for the small dish of sugars, dropping three cubes into the cup, "I don't want to get side-tracked though."

"...No." Yuri agreed, fishing the first bite from his egg-rice as his partner stirred cream into his drink, "Anyway...he told me back then that he could tell I was a pretty emotional person. Not like most guys, who are trained from birth to hold it all in for the sake of their pride. He knew...that to me, there was no distinction between touching me and touching my heart. I can't do one without the other."

"Mh." Viktor hummed, taking his first sip.

"I shoved off Tess back in the day because we had no emotional connection to each other, but she still tried touching me like we did. I generally don't let anyone get too close...and it was like that for my whole life, up until you." Yuri explained, pointing one finger at the man with his chopstick-holding hand, "Anyway though, I forget exactly how Mikhail put it...but it was something like 'the idea of physical touch to [me] without an emotional connection is basically meaningless, maybe even repulsive.' And he's not wrong..." Yuri said, putting the rice-bowl down to grab for the miso soup next to it, using the chop-sticks to stir the broth and mix it all together again.

"I hope you don't get upset at me for saying and asking this..." Viktor started, making Yuri immediately nervous, "...But were you abused as a kid or something?"

For once, it was Yuri who spewed in surprise, though thankfully he'd barely gotten more than a sip of miso before he heard the words, and he quickly grabbed for the cloth napkin again.

"The kind of people who avoid physical contact with others are usually the sort who were molested as kids. People are supposed to be highly social...but you back away, even run from physical contact, except from people you've known for a really long time. I mean...you wouldn't even let me get close for ages... I was actually telling my father that at NHK..." Viktor explained, leaving Yuri a bit dumbfounded, "That I spent nearly a year trying to convince you that it was okay to be with me. That I wouldn't hurt you...that it was safe..."

"I wasn't." Yuri answered simply.

The Russian just looked at him.

"I wasn't." Yuri said more firmly, "I was just chunky as a kid and I resented how much people made fun of me for it... Why would I want people touching me if they can't even look at me without finding my form objectionable?"

Viktor's eyes got small to hear it, and he could hear the echoes of his own teasing rattling around in his head.

'Yuri gains weight easily, so he was only ever allowed to eat it when he won a competition. Isn't that right?'
'Oh? So you've eaten this recently then?'
'...Yes yes...I eat it often...'
'Why? You haven't won anything. With that pig's body of yours, lessons would be meaningless. You need to get back to your weight at last year's Grand Prix Final, at the least...or I can never coach you. Until then...no more katsudon. Okay, Little Piggy?'

'Little Piggy can't get on the ice until he's lost the weight!'

'Even diamonds start as coal. Little Piggy just needed a little pressure to shine.'

Yuri saw the Russian's expression change, and it looked as though all the blood left his already-pale face, "...Viktor...?"

"Oh my god I friend-zoned myself."

His cheeks went red, but Yuri remained quiet, simply staring straight at the man with an unimpressed look on his face.

"No wonder you didn't want me touching you!" Viktor went on, "I basically showed up out of nowhere and then immediately mashed down as hard as I could on the biggest 'Do Not Touch' button you had!"

"...Sort of..." Yuri deadpanned him.

"Why didn't you say anything!?"

The miso bowl was set down gently, and the chopsticks next to it. Yuri crossed his arms and closed his eyes, "Because you were my hero. You showed up claiming you were going to be my coach. You had only been at YuTopia for an hour when you started saying all those things...what was I going to do? Tell you off? I didn't know your buttons, and you didn't know mine...so I let it slide." He opened his eyes a sliver, "Call it a learning curve."

"That was some curve!"

"...Mhm."

"Ahhh now I feel terrible!" Viktor whined, taking on a more serious look than before, "...Yuri...! I am so sorry...!"

"...I already accepted your apology for this. Last year."

"Yeah but you didn't explain it like that back then though!" The Russian insisted, "...And then I used that name on you again at the airport after NHK..." He lowered his head and cradled it in his hands in shame, "...I can't believe I did it so often... I had no idea how much it hurt you..."

Yuri just drew a quiet breath, watching his partner carefully. He leaned forward, an elbow propped up on his knee, and reached across both of their trays to pat the man's head, "I forgive you. ...Again, I guess..."

"And now I have to apologize about this whole 'sex toy scandal' too..." Viktor sighed, "I was just gauging you for a reaction when I suggested it..."

"...Gauging me for a reaction?" Yuri echoed, looking on skeptically, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ahh...erm...well..." The anxious figure stammered, "I mean, there were a lot of reasons I could give for why I thought the toy was a good idea...especially since you ended up getting one... But, at least in the beginning, it was...just a test..."

"What are you talking about? Viktor..."

"It's because of the way things are at the Olympics..." The Russian attempted, reaching for the bowl of raisin-cinnamon oatmeal in front of him, but instead of picking it up, he just toyed with the spoon, poking at the raisins thoughtlessly, "Every four years, the best Winter Sports athletes all from all across the globe converge onto one place...and there's...well... A lot of...inappropriate liaisons there?"

Yuri gave another unimpressed look, but now he was worried as well as anxious, "What are you saying...?"

Viktor was hesitant to explain, but knew he couldn't back out of it, "...You said you've never gone, and I was trying to see how much I'd probably have to prepare you for. The things you're going to see and experience there. Suggesting the toy was basically just...Phase 1 of the conditioning process. When you actually went through with the idea and got the damn thing, I thought that meant you were ready for Phase 2..."

Yuri reached up and rubbed his forehead, "I'm just getting more confused."

"Sorry!" Viktor sighed, "I was trying to see how used to everything you were... The last thing I want to do is show up at the Olympic with you and have 30-some athletes all wanting to...do stuff..." His words trailed nervously, "I mean, I was a bachelor back then...four years ago... And I hadn't been with anyone in a long time...so...I was...a bit irresponsible...?" He watched his husband bury his face in his hands, "Ahh no Yuri! I would never do that now! I swear it!"

"But you did...with '30-something athletes'..." The younger skater repeated.

"I was really popular! But I was also really lonely! For nearly 3 weeks, I wasn't alone!"

"You said you've only had three girlfriends!"

"And that's true!" Viktor affirmed, "But it's like you said earlier...there's a big difference between intimacy and just sex! That whole thing was just sex!"

Yuri just groaned into his palms.

"...I'm sorry...I...wish I could be the man you thought I was..."

"...I...know I have no right to upset to hear about this... I should've expected it." The younger figure tried to explain, rubbing his eyes with his finger, "...I understand better than most what it's like to feel completely alone, even when you're in a crowd. I...I get it."

"...They didn't mean anything to me..." Viktor went on, "I didn't keep up with a single one of them after the Games... I just, need you to be mentally prepared for people asking or offering..."

Yuri finally lifted his face and gazed straight across to his partner, looking directly into those slate eyes, "You said at Worlds that you would never consider inviting anyone else into bed with us...please don't tell me you've changed your mind and were hoping...?"

"What?" Viktor was half-offended and sat straighter, "No, of course not! Nothing about what I said then has changed. But people who haven't talked to me since the last Games may not be aware of how things have changed. They might not know I'm married, and even if they do, they might not care. There may be times where total strangers come up and grab you or I the same way Chris does...maybe even more aggressively and insistent. It's fine when it's him because we both know he's just teasing, and he knows what our boundaries are. But those other people don't."

Still listening, but unhappily, Yuri nodded lightly.

"To those certain kinds of athletes...going to the Games is just one great big booty call..." Viktor continued, his voice a bit softer then, "They don't care who you are or where your loyalties lie. All they know is that they don't know whether you're willing or not until they ask. When they see me, they're going to ask, because I have said yes before. When they see you, they're going to see you like a new, fresh piece of meat. I promise on my life that I'll try to keep the ones I know about at bay so you don't have to deal with it, but there's bound to be a lot of new faces. It's...kind of one of the Olympics' worst kept secrets. I'm certain it happens at the Summer Games, too."

"...So what...do we do now?" Yuri asked, reaching grudgingly towards his cup of hot tea, "Since I'm clearly not advancing beyond your aforementioned Phase 1."

"We've done all we can, in that case." Viktor answered, "...It's just a matter of time, now. You're aware of what might happen and you can ready yourself for it. You know I'll never agree to solicitations, so I don't want you to worry about it if and when they ask. If event staffers throw condoms at us, don't get worked up. They know what's coming...they just don't know who's participating. And it's not even a lot of people...but we're going to be there for 2 straight weeks, basically living at the Olympic Village. It'll be a lot easier to handle now since we're going together...but you can imagine now why I was so reluctant to figure out what I wanted to do before the RSF fired me... I was having a lot of anxiety about being away from you for any period of time... Things can happen so fast there."

"...Yeah..."

"But I don't want you spending the next two months worrying yourself sick over what's going to happen when we get there. The Olympics can be a lot of fun. This is just...one tiny little part of the whole experience." The Russian tried to reassure, "One that I know, especially now, you're particularly sensitive about..."

Yuri huffed a laugh, surprising Viktor a little. He shook his head and lifted his tea mug, gesturing it at his husband, "So are you."

Realizing, the silver legend managed a wry smile of his own, and raised his coffee cup, "No one touches my Yuri."

"And no one touches my Viktor."

"Kanpai."