"I thought I was in the cooler for thirty days, Kommandant," Hogan said as he entered Klink's office.
From behind his desk, Klink scowled. "And I will not lose any sleep over extending your stay to sixty days," he snapped.
"Touchy," Hogan mock whispered to Schultz.
Klink smacked his desk. "Hogan! Why do you insist on always making jokes?!" With a sigh, Klink rubbed his forehead. "Hogan, no jokes, please. This is serious. I assume Schultz has told you that Major Hochstetter is coming." Hogan nodded. "And he told you what happened to Corporal Weiss?"
Again, Hogan nodded. "I remember thinking that Weiss was finally going to whip the guards into shape with all that exercise. It's a real shame he had a weak heart."
"Indeed," Klink said stiffly. He reached for the glass on his desk, his hand shaking. "Do you think Major Hochstetter will-"
A commotion in the ante-office cut him off. "Speak of the devil," Hogan muttered. A moment later, Major Hochstetter burst into the room.
"Klink!" Hochstetter screeched as he stomped to Klink's desk and slammed his hand down. He paused and looked back at Hogan. "What is this man doing here?"
"M-major Hochstetter," Klink said nervously, "Colonel Hogan witnessed what happened and I thought that perhaps you would want to question him?"
Hochstetter scowled at Hogan and then turned his deadly glare to Klink. "What happened?"
"It is like I said on the phone, Major," Klink said, his voice shaking. "Corporal Weiss was leading the guards in a new exercise routine-"
"A very robust routine," Schultz interrupted. He shrank back when Hochstetter glowered at him.
"Yes, thank-you, Schultz," Klink said tightly. "A very robust routine. Weiss thought he could turn this pathetic lot into real soldiers, and, as you can imagine, that required quite a bit of work."
"I do not doubt that," Hochstetter growled. "But how did he end up dead?"
Klink looked helplessly over to Hogan, who nodded slightly. Klink sucked in a breath and continued. "I believe he had a heart attack, Major."
"A heart attack?" Hochstetter seethed.
"Sure looked that way," Hogan said lightly, rocking a little on his heels. Hochstetter's glare did nothing to dissuade him from continuing. "My men and I saw the whole thing. Just grabbed his heart and-" he snapped his fingers- "keeled over. Believe me, Major, I was as surprised as anyone. I thought maybe it was some sort of trick orchestrated by The Iron Colonel here, but there was no way the guards are good enough actors to pull off the level of surprise that they did."
Hochstetter's eyes were full of fire, and Hogan worried that he didn't believe them at all. He didn't blame him. It was a pretty flimsy story. And even if it was true, Hochstetter was the type to disregard it anyway and shoot them all just for the hell of it.
Hochstetter made a fist, shaking slightly and everyone braced for the inevitable eruption. But, suddenly, the fire cooled and Hochstetter sagged. He swore under his breath and then turned back to Klink.
"Where is the body?" he asked tightly.
Behind his back, Hogan raised an eyebrow and shared a quick look with Schultz. So he bought the story, which meant Weiss' death wasn't totally unexpected. How many other Nazi guinea pigs had dropped dead as part of this experiment? Maybe it wasn't as big of a threat as Hogan first thought. Of course, it wouldn't be long before they perfected the experiment. The Nazis were crazy, but they weren't stupid. In fact, many of their inventions were downright brilliant. It was only a matter of time before they corrected whatever problems had led to Weiss' death.
"In the rec hall," Klink answered.
"I want to see it," Hochstetter said.
"Of course. Schultz?"
"Jawhol, Herr Kommandant. Major?" Schultz opened the door and gestured for Major Hochstetter to follow him.
Hochstetter growled, but quickly turned on his heel and marched out of the room. As soon as the door closed, Klink sagged and fell into his chair.
"He believed us," he said. His whole body shook and he looked like he was trying to decide whether to laugh or to cry. Evidently, he settled on both as he continued in a hysterical tone. "He believed us, Hogan!"
"Yeah, sure looks like it," Hogan said slowly. He pegged Klink with a look. "Pull yourself together, Kommandant. He's not going to believe you for long if he catches you falling apart in relief."
"You're right, you're right," Klink said, nodding furiously. He grabbed his drink and drained it with one big gulp. "But he believed us! Do you know what that means? No Russian Front. No firing squad! We're safe! And now we can put this whole mess behind us!" Klink giggled and brought his glass to his lips before realizing it was empty. He pulled it back and looked at it before hurrying to his liquor cabinet. "Would you care for a drink, Hogan?"
"I would hold off on celebrating just yet, Kommandant," Hogan warned. "Major Hochstetter hasn't left and who knows what he'll think after he sees Weiss' body."
"But Weiss did die of a heart attack. He won't know how or why just by looking at him," Klink said. "And anyone he asks in camp will tell him the same story we did. What can he do?" Klink poured himself another drink as well as one for Hogan.
"Colonel, he's the Gestapo," Hogan said pointedly.
Klink blinked and gulped down his drink. "You're right. Since when do they need an excuse to do anything?" He looked at the second drink and quickly drank it as well.
"Hey, lay off the sauce," Hogan said quickly. "You're going to need all your wits to get through this, and you're playing with a short hand as it is."
"Hogan!" Klink cried, stomping his foot. "I can handle Major Hochstetter!" Hogan just raised an eyebrow. Klink scowled, but obediently put his bottle back into the cabinet and locked it up. "But perhaps I will save it for later."
"There you go."
They waited in awkward silence, wondering what would happen if and when Major Hochstetter returned. Hogan desperately wanted to leave to find out what was going on in the rec hall, but he knew Klink wouldn't let him. So he settled for casually reading the upside-down reports on Klink's desk. Klink was too busy pacing to notice.
Finally, Major Hochstetter returned. Klink stopped pacing and looked at him expectantly. "He's dead," he said flatly as he marched into the room.
A goofy, relieved grin swallowed Klink's face for a moment, but he quickly wiped it off. Clearing his throat, he tugged his jacket down. "Yes, it is a tragedy," he said solemnly. "He was a fine young man. And a good soldier. I was proud to have him at Stalag 13."
Hochstetter growled. "Touching." His eyes fell on Klink's phone. "Is your phone line secure, Klink?"
Klink puffed out his chest. "Of course, Herr Major! We value security above all else here at Stalag 13. May I remind you that we have never had a single-"
"Klink!" Hochstetter shouted in frustration.
Hogan rolled his eyes. Klink apparently just couldn't help himself- any time was a good time to brag about Stalag 13's record.
"Did you inform General Burkhalter of what happened?" Hochstter asked.
Klink nodded. "Yes. I called him before you." Klink suddenly shrank away. "Not that you weren't my first choice. Of course I would have called you first, but General Burkhalter is my direct superior and I thought he would want to know first. To be honest with you, Major Hochstetter, I flipped a coin because I couldn't possibly decide who I needed to call first and-" Klink cut himself off. "Yes, I informed him, but he is in Berlin and was unable to leave to attend to the situation personally."
"Very well. Get out," Hochstetter ordered.
"Get out?" Klink said dumbly.
"Get out," Hochstetter repeated. "I need to make a call."
"Yes, of course." He started for the door. Hogan hung back and leaned against the filing cabinet as Hochstetter sat behind the desk.
"What are you still doing here?" Hochstetter demanded.
"Oh, me too?" Hogan asked innocently. "I thought you just meant the Kommandant."
"OUT!" Hochstetter screamed.
"Hogan! Out!" Klink echoed, pointing out of the door. Hogan heaved a sigh a shrugged, but followed Klink out. Klink giggled hesitantly as he grabbed the door handle. "If there's anything else you need Major, I would be-"
"Out, Klink, out!" Hochstetter cried, clearly reaching the end of his already short fuse.
"Right away, Major." Klink quickly slammed the door shut. "That man," he said with disdain, "will have a heart attack himself if he is not careful."
"You're assuming he has a heart to begin with," Hogan muttered. Klink apparently heard and snorted.
"A ridiculous assumption, indeed."
Hogan couldn't help but smile. Sometimes Klink wasn't as dumb as he looked. "Well, Kommandant," Hogan said with a little yawn, trying to appear suddenly disinterested, "I think I'll head back to the cooler now and-"
"No, Hogan, wait. That might make Major Hochstetter suspicious. I have no reason to send you to the cooler except for... what happened-" Klink said, suddenly dropping his voice to a whisper.
Hogan shrugged. "Tell him I was caught trying to escape. After all, who wouldn't want to escape with a tyrant like Weiss in camp? I'm surprised you didn't try to escape yourself."
"Hogan, I do not want to give him any reason to suspect foul play!"
"Fine. Then may I go to my barracks?" Hogan asked. He really would love to listen in on whatever phone conversation Hochstetter was having.
"Hogan, you will stay here," Klink ordered firmly.
Hogan held up his hands in surrender and leaned against Hilda's desk. He gave her a quick wink and she blew him a kiss before casting a wary glance at Klink's office. Klink began to pace again, and Hogan watched him even as his mind began to wander. Who was Hochstetter contacting? What was going to happen to Weiss' body? How was he going to find out where these freakish experiments were taking place? And how in the hell was he supposed to stop them before they were perfected and the Nazis created an army of supermen?
If he ever needed a stroke of good luck, now was the time because otherwise he wasn't sure how this was going to work out. He couldn't just sit on his hands and hope that the Nazis kept meeting failure.
As the time stretched on, Hogan became more impatient. He needed to know what was happening. He needed facts to start forming a plan. He needed to talk to his men and get them organized.
"Damn it, Hochstetter, hurry up," Hogan muttered under his breath.
Even though he had no way of hearing him, Hochstetter obliged, opening the door to Klink's office a few minutes later. Klink quickly stopped his pacing and tried to appear casual, failing miserably as he eagerly leaned in towards the Gestapo officer. Hogan didn't move, keeping his bored appearance, only raising an eyebrow at Hochstetter's arrival.
"What is this man still doing here?" Hochstetter asked.
"I was wondering the same thing," Hogan said. "The boys were planning to host a spelling bee later today, and I'm supposed to be the judge. Can't be late for that. Newkirk's been practicing all week, and I think he's finally figured out how to spell chrysanthemum."
"I kept him here," Klink said quickly, shooting Hogan a long-suffering look that seemed to ask him why he couldn't just be serious for once. "In case you had any more questions for him."
"I do not," Hochstetter said through gritted teeth. "Get out."
"Kommandant?" Hogan said, looking to Klink.
"You heard the man, get out, Hogan!" Klink said with a wave of his hand.
"Right away, sir," Hogan said and quickly left. He high-tailed it across the compound and to his barracks. "Olsen?"
"In your office, Colonel," Garlotti reported. "Sitting on the coffeepot like you ordered."
"Good. Keep an eye out, would you? Let me know when Hochstetter leaves."
"Yes sir."
Hogan clapped him on the shoulder before hurrying into his office. Olsen was sitting at his desk, the coffeepot sat in front of him. The red light was on, but the listening device was silent. While the transmitter in Klink's office was pretty good, it wasn't strong enough to pick up anything in the other room. If Hogan wanted to know what Klink and Hochstetter were talking about, he'd have to ply Hilda for information. And, unfortunately, he had nothing but his good looks and charms to tempt her at the moment, so he doubted she would comply. He made a quick mental note to add nylons to their London shopping list.
"What have you got, Olsen?" Hogan asked.
Olsen quickly stood and gestured to the pot. "Major Hochstetter placed a call to a Doctor Pfeiffer."
"That's the clown that brought Weiss in the first place," Hogan said. "Go on."
"Well, Hochstetter said that they knew it was a possibility- I'm assuming he meant the heart attack, or at least Weiss' death in general. Then he said if the Gestapo were in charge of the project, it would be completed by now, and maybe the good doctor just needs a bit more persuasion to get it right. He accused the doctor of sabotaging the project on purpose. And then he said that he would select some men to retrieve the body from Stalag 13 and send it to Pfeiffer in the morning and that Pfeiffer shouldn't waste them. What do you think that means?"
Hogan gripped his elbows and shook his head. "I don't know. But this could just be the chance we need."
"To do what?" Olsen asked.
"To stop Project Stone Breaker before they really do create a Superman."