CHAPTER THREE HUNDRED FIFTY
The ice was quickly vacated as the usual announcements by the JSF officials were started, and the stage was disassembled. Seeing the swift deconstruction and movement of parts was like watching leaf ants dismantling whole branches of trees, and it broke up the monotony of the droning speech that went on in spite of it. The time it took, however, made it a mercy for those skaters who had to change quickly for the Men's Short Program...and Asahi was quick to get away from the crowd for that, and...other reasons.
I'm being punished for something, he thought to himself, roughly pulling on the dark colored boot covers that would later go over his skates, his mind refusing to end the replay loop of Viktor's proposal from minutes before, I must've done something really awful in a past life. Just when I can finally look at a photo of Riku without being wracked with guilt, I have to deal with this crap.
He dropped his elbows down over his knees, face going down into his palms in frustration. He could feel his hands shaking, so he pulled them quickly away and just hunched over his knees normally. Eyes looked down to the tile floor of the changing stall, seeing his warbled reflection in the glossy varnish, and the light behind his head.
Viktor is only here because the RSF threw him out. I wonder if this would've been any easier if he hadn't been? If he was in Moscow this weekend instead...being around Yuri wouldn't have felt any different than it ever did. He sighed and dropped his head down, closing his eyes, I can stand to be around just him, because I never expected he'd see me as anything but a friend, and I was at peace with it...but the fact that he's with Viktor just... He shook his head and grit his teeth, hands clenching into fists so tight they trembled, It just makes me so mad... He was always so interested in that girl before... Would it have ever made a difference if I'd said something back then? No...he was obsessed with Viktor all that time, too...it's just a cruel joke that Viktor gave him the time of day in the end... Even straight guys would go gay for a man they really admire... He'd probably have just gotten offended if I opened my mouth, or thought I was messing with him. He suddenly stopped dead in the middle of those thoughts, and hit the side of his head, No, I absolutely can't think like this. Riku would be so disappointed in me...heartbroken even...
[Asahi-san, the warm-up period's going to start soon.] Coach Nagisa said, slightly nudging open the door to the large room enough to be heard, [Please hurry.]
[I'm coming.] He answered, grateful at least that his paranoid over-thinking was cut off right then. He grabbed the thigh-length leather coat from the hanger in front of him and pulled it over his arms before grabbing his bag and stepping out. Drawing a sharp breath, he hurried along and reached for the handle to the main door to the outer hall, passing the few other competitors who were sharing the large room. He quickly pulled on his team jacket as he went through the crowd waiting outside, each one fawning over the outfits that they were trying to get a close-up look at before the skaters took the ice.
Not far off, through the mass that was following him along, Asahi spotted the group that was circled around the very pair of skaters he wanted to see the least. He kept a neutral expression despite his irritation, seeing that telltale silver head poking up above the black-haired crowd, and briefly spotted Yuri in the gaps between shoulders, still somewhat overwhelmed by what had happened a few minutes prior. Finally getting away though, Asahi tip-toed in just his socks towards the open space around the rink-wall, and quickly found a place to pull his skates on, spotting the tiny group that was already ready and waiting at the door to filter onto the ice.
Minami was showing off his Hufflepuff robes to anyone who would give him the time of day to do so, and he pranced around excitedly, using one of his blade-guards as a pretend wand and fired off the words to various spells. His coach, Kanako, was desperately trying to get her pupil to settle down and get his head in the game, but he was far too excited, firing off a reminder that it was Yuri-kun who'd given him the gift.
With blades pulled on and tied, Asahi rolled down the boot covers, turning his skates into what looked like calf-high boots, he rose back up to standing and stepped over to the waiting group. It was only a few minutes, but knowing Yuri was part of Group 1 made it feel like an eternity as they all waited for the permission they needed to enter the rink. A Zamboni was exiting on the far side where it had quickly resurfaced the ice under where the stage had been, and neon orange cones were set down to block off that quarter of the rink so no one would skate there until it was completely frozen over.
Just as Minami had excitedly shrieked out Yuri's name again though, the group heard the call from the announcer to start their 6 minute warm-up period. Asahi was second out, flying across the ice to avoid any public issues with the possessive Russian. He heard the crowd cheering as he slid out, but the noise faded out of focus as he steeled himself against the distraction.
...I have three quads in my repertoire...four if I can land the Toe-loop, though thankfully I don't need it for tonight. It's more than what most other skaters here have at any rate. I know I can't beat Viktor, but I'm not exactly the scrub he probably thinks I am. I'm better than I was before...
He turned his eyes towards the center of the available rink, and turned to follow the path that other skaters had started for jump practice. A quick twist to flip around backwards, and he vaulted through the quad Salchow, sliding out of it with an outside spread-eagle until he was parallel with the rink wall again and straightened out.
His attention was grabbed briefly as the crowd cheered for the 6th member of Group 1, stepping onto the ice a bit late but joining the fray quickly enough. The shimmer off of Yuri's costume pants was distracting, even out the corner of Asahi's eye, but that quickly became the least of his worries as the world seemed to slow down to a glacial pace as he passed the single visible blue eye of Viktor Nikiforov. That stern glare from behind silver bangs that seemed to follow him like the laser sight on a high-powered sniping rifle...but Asahi refused to let himself be shaken by it.
[That concludes the warm-up period.] The announcer suddenly called, five full minutes of the timer seemingly vanishing into thin air, [All skaters please exit the rink.]
One of the staffers quickly rushed onto the ice in just boots, grabbing up the orange cones that marked off the far end of the rink. Asahi went to the inner wall, finding his coach and choreographer there waiting with tissues and water.
"Remember what you're skating for," Coach Nagisa said quietly, "You've taken Gold at this event before...it's not impossible to do so again this weekend."
"I have no illusions about the odds," He commented, "My best chance at getting an Olympic jacket is if I can come within spitting distance of Yuri's scores. I know the numbers I'm up against."
"The percentages are in your favor," Weber added, patting the skater's shoulder, "The Ladies' bracket is fairly average across the different countries, but I'd wager Japan is leaning towards adding the next best Men's skater to the roster. You're in the same bracket as Yuri Plisetsky, and all eyes are on him right now as a front-runner for the Olympic podium outside of Japan. You have the best chance, and you do really well under pressure."
[First on the ice tonight,] The announcer called overhead, words echoing across the stadium, [From Imari, Saga Prefecture, in Kyushu...Saito Asahi-san.]
The crowd went almost nuclear at the announcement, which gave the skater a brief reprieve from the anxiety he'd been feeling up to that moment.
Sayoko lifted her head and smiled at the sound of it all, then turned back to Asahi on the other side of the rink wall, seeing him wipe his nose quickly, "They remember you and are happy that you're back. Go and show them why you're one of Japan's most popular skaters."
Asahi nodded, and backed up from the wall, bowing to the pair politely and quickly taking off. The applause and screaming rose even higher when he finally raised his arms to them all in presentation, rounding a wide circle around center.
Yuri leaned casually against his husband's arm, watching and listening quietly as his old friend slowly took position, right arm linked through Viktor's and both hands in his Olympic jacket's pockets. His cheeks were still slightly flushed from the excitement of his partner' earlier announcement, but he was slowly calming down again as things normalized around them.
"He sure does get a lot of fanfare." The Russian commented idly, "But for some reason I just don't remember anything about him from the time he said he was still active."
"He was a top skater, but there were more of us than there were spots to occupy internationally, so he didn't go to as many events." Yuri explained, "I don't know what his skating is like these days, but if it's anything like before, then he has the same handicap as he did back then."
"Handicap?"
"Being really modest." Yuri said simply, "His popularity drops off when he leaves the country because he avoids saying anything too personal in interviews and avoids social media. He's 10 times worse than me in that regard...at least I lurk in the background, even if I don't post a lot about myself. Since people don't know much about him, his secret weapon just makes him seem really mysterious, because he's super private off the ice, but really cuts loose on it."
"...What's his secret weapon?" Viktor wondered skeptically, tilting his head to look at his spouse.
"J-Pop and J-Rock." He answered, "He likes to skate to music that's been at the top of the charts in recent years, so people get hyped about his programs more than they would for others just because they like the music so much more."
The Russian turned his eyes out across the ice again, carefully observing the man as he finally took position in center, "Guess that explains the outfit then."
"Mh."
Asahi's pose looked similar to the beginning of 'Yuri on Ice,' right leg set behind the left, toe-pick down. Instead of tilting his head forward though, his eyes were closed and he looked down and to the right, right arm held at a slight angle away from himself while the left was prone on the other side.
Here we go, Riku... This program is dedicated to you.
The audience's applause gradually died down, and eyes were fixed on the lone skater.
Clad all in black, Asahi's performance garb made it look like he'd just walked off the stage at a concert, especially with his hair being spiked up like it was, and its teal tails on either side of his face. From waist to just above his knees, he wore light denim jeans shorts, and under that to just above where his boot covers began, black leggings, leaving a 2-inch strip of skin around his calves. His top was entirely mesh, which extended down both arms, ending at a black band around each wrist. Over that, he wore a long jacket with sleeves that rolled up just below the elbows, a high collar around the neck, and two straps that crossed over his chest, starting over the jacket at the shoulders and ending within the jacket at his waist, keeping the coat close to his frame.
['Clock Strikes' - ONE OK ROCK (0:00 - 1:57)]
The music faded in with a series of clock ticks, and a gradually-building harmony that overtook it with a boom. Asahi lifted his head and swung his right arm out in front of himself on that note, bringing it back into himself as the left hand joined it, and he hunched forward with the start of a backward slide.
What waits for you? What's breaking through?
He weaved back and forth as he approached the short side of the rink, twizzling into a short outside spread-eagle.
Nothing for good, you're sure it's true?
Once in the center of that half of the rink, he leaned and jerked around for the backward-entry camel-spin, right blade rotating and both hands clasping behind his back for a few spins before doing a cross-grab and pulling the free leg up behind his head.
"Eien" nante naito ikkitte shimattara
(If "eternity" were declared as non-existent,)
He let the skate go for a jumping foot-change, landing into a standard spin and leaning for a layback variant.
Amarinimo sabishikute setsunai deshou
(Wouldn't it be just too lonesome, and painful to bear?)
Breaking out of the spin, Asahi twisted through half a figure-8, winding his way past the center of the rink as he picked up speed, kicking up frost with each step.
Dare mo ga hontou wa shinjitai kedo
(Everyone wants to believe it,)
Uragirarere ba fukaku kizu tsuite shimau mono
(But can't take the risk of the deep wounds of betrayal.)
The music started to pick up the pace, and Asahi's movements moved faster with it, clicking off a toe-pick to hop into a forward-inside twizzle, pausing at the end of the lyric, then doing it again for a forward-outside twizzle.
Towa ga aru sekai ga risou dewa naku
(If only we could come to realize)
Sore wo shinji tsuzuketeiru sugata
(We have to keep on believing)
Arms went out for balance as he hop-skipped forward a few paces, landing and twisting around backwards in a mohawk that was almost too quick to spot, rounding the inside curve at the opposite end of the rink.
Sore koso bokura ga nozomu beki sekai;
(That a world where "eternity" applies, isn't merely a dream;)
To kizuku koto ga dekita nara...
(And that that's the kind of world we should wish for...)
As Japanese gave way to English, Asahi leaned back in an outside spread-eagle...
What will we have...?
He pivoted on one skate and faced forward, throwing his free leg forward as the music burst into the heavy beats of the chorus, flying through the triple Axel and landing straight into another outside spread-eagle.
Believe that time is always forever
Asahi lowered down into a hydroblade...
And I'll always be here, believe it till the end
...then leaned to one side, dragging his fingers across the frost as the move tightened into a smaller circle.
I won't go away, and won't say never
His body twisted around sharply, forcing him to spin slightly while he was still down on one blade, the free leg dragging in a circle around him as he raised his hands up in front of his chest and over his head.
It doesn't have to be, friend, you can keep it till the end.
He quickly rose back up, turning around backwards on one skate before flipping the other way to curve forward on the inside of his blade. Skates moved quickly beneath him in a quasi-step-sequence, building speed for the launch to come.
Tameshini "eien" nante nai to ii kirou
(Let's try declaring "eternity" as non-existent.)
Soshitara kibou ya yume wa ikutsu shinu darou?
(Just how many hopes and dreams will shatter?)
Asahi threw himself as hard as he could, landing deep for the Death Drop sit spin, rotating quickly in standard position before switching to a twist variant with one arm up above himself as the other held a blade under him. With each lyric shift, his frame twisted into a different pose, ending on a donut-spin.
Sore ga sonzai shinai koto no zetsubou to
(As I try imagining all the despair over non-existing things,)
Sonzai suru koto no zankoku wo
(And the cruelty of the things that do exist,)
Souzou shite mite boku wa sukoshi mata
(It makes me want,)
Still spinning as he rose back up to his feet, Asahi quickly moved out in a wide circle in reverse, stepping through a series of cross-overs as he rounded the short-side of the rink.
Mekuru peji no te wo tomeru
(To stop the hand that flips over the pages.)
Straightening out from the curve, he twisted through a 3-turn, racing back on the outside edge of his left blade, the right leg going out behind himself...
How will we have?...
TAK...
.
"Everyone, we have a new member on the team." A man said, drawing in the attention of several skaters as he stood next to a thin, short figure, with a hand on his shoulder, "This is Riku Itō. He's from Wakkanai in the far-far north."
Some of the older skaters had a good chuckle at that, "Is it true that you can see Russia from there?"
Riku squinted at them anxiously, "No." He said simply, "I can see simpletons from right here though."
"Ooooooohhhh." Others jeered, staring at the man who'd made the initial tease.
Asahi looked on, bored, from the side of the group, tapping a toe-pick down while waiting to get back to practice. It didn't take long for Riku to notice him though.
"I know you..." He said, stepping away from their coach and effectively ending the official introduction, "You're Asahi Saito. I didn't know you trained in Tokyo."
The taller skater looked down skeptically, but he nodded, trying to be polite, "...Yeah. I've been here for a while."
"Guess I'm behind the curve on info then." The younger man huffed a laugh, and smiled at his own expense, "I've seen a lot of your shows. You move way differently than the other skaters."
Asahi shrugged, stuffing his cold hands into his jacket's pockets, "I guess it's cuz I do martial arts instead of ballet. It made more sense to me."
"Ah, yeah...that would explain it. Your choreography looks like a battle." Riku raised his hands up as though he were taking some comical mock-Kung-fu stance, "Like right out of that 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon' movie or something."
"Hah...if I had moves like that, I wouldn't have to keep working on my quads. I could just fly." The older figure laughed at the idea.
"Wouldn't that be something."
.
"Yuri must be bouncing off the walls over that." Asahi commented idly, looking up at a recap of the latest Grand Prix Series event, and spotted his old friend on the podium with Viktor.
"I would too if I got to stand on a podium with Viktor Nikiforov." Riku huffed, flopping down on a plastic chair next to him and dramatically taking his rink-mate's arm, "Ah look, he even got to shake hands. Inn't that sweet."
Asahi casually tried getting the limb back, "He probably vowed never to wash that hand again after."
"After all the times you've said Yuri obsessed over Viktor, I wouldn't be surprised." Riku mused, but held fast to that arm.
"Leggo."
The younger figure just turned his head and stared over the crest of that shoulder, "You like him, don't you."
Asahi's face was red in a flash, but he just blanched and tugged harder, almost frantically, "N-no! Why would you say that!?"
Riku stared intently, "That's what I figured..."
"You're not listening to a word I say, are you!?" He tugged again, only to see the younger man leaning closer to set his chin against his shoulder, "Damnit let go!"
"Admit it to yourself and I will."
"I have nothing to admit!" Asahi insisted, trying to stand up instead, but finding his arm locked down. To get it loose, he knew his smaller rink-mate would probably have to go flying, and he was somewhat reluctant to observe the crash-landing, "Look, I barely see him as it is, and he never answered my emails so I stopped sending them a long time ago."
"You still talk about him all the time." Riku pointed out, releasing his grip, only to turn in his seat and lean forward against his crossed arms on the break-room table, eyes returning to the recap of the competition, "Your tone always changes when you do, too. You talk about him like a widower would."
"...A widower?"
"The person left behind when one half of a married couple dies." Riku explained, keeping his eyes forward, but hearing the sound of the chair moving next to him as Asahi retook his place, "They get stuck in the past, never wanting to move forward because doing so is like admitting that loved one is gone forever."
"...We...were just friends." Asahi explained, his tone shifting again, as Riku expected, "We were the only kids of a similar age when we were training down south together. He was my best friend. I thought he'd try harder to stay in touch when he moved on, but...it's like he forgot Japan exists when he went to Detroit."
"You need to let him go."
Asahi cringed slightly, "I never had hold of him in the first place. There's nothing to let go of."
"Quit lying." Riku snapped, standing up sharply, chair kicking out behind him as he rose. Grey-brown eyes looked on in stunned surprise, but the younger man wouldn't return the gaze, keeping his sights down on his clenched fists, "I've had to listen to you lie to yourself about him since the day I got to Tokyo. You may be content to try and keep it a secret from everyone but I'm not so stupid that I can't see it. You're stuck on a guy that'll never return your feelings and because of it, you don't even notice the feelings of people right in front of you."
"R-Riku..."
The younger figure finally looked, but he had tears in his eyes when he did so, "Yuri wasn't into you back then, and he'll never change! You're just some guy he knows now! Not even really a friend! Why do you keep that flame alive!?"
Asahi looked away nervously, "...There was never a flame to begin with."
"STOP LYING." Riku yelled again, this time half-shoving at the older skater's shoulder, forcing his chair back a few inches in the process, "Are you so ashamed of those feelings that you'll stay in the closet forever!? I'm RIGHT HERE. I've BEEN here for TWO YEARS. You know how hard it is to listen to you carrying on about this guy who will NEVER change!? It's like you don't even know I exist! I'm nothing more than a PET to you, or a SHADOW."
His words rang through the room, but it soon fell quiet, the silence deafening in its stillness. Asahi kept his eyes low, but he couldn't bring himself to speak...at least, not until Riku started stepping away, the quiet, raggedly drawn breaths of a man trying not to burst into tears as he tried to leave, "...Yuri did the same thing...to me..."
"...What...?"
Asahi lowered his head a little further, his hands shaking as his throat started to hurt, "...He...would never stop talking about this girl he liked...or even about Viktor..." He tried to explain, "All that time, I was right by his side, listening to him give his love to people who would never return it. When he said that girl in Hasetsu was starting to date someone else...I was relieved, because I thought...maybe the distraction would finally go away, and he'd see me... But he never did...and then...he was gone." He pulled one hand up and rubbed his nose on the back of his wrist, snuffling quietly to himself, "The last email he replied to was me saying I'd gotten I'd gotten a spot for him on this team, and that he'd only have to wait a few more weeks. I went back to Imari later to tell him to pack his stuff...but he was already gone. I found out from our Juniors coach that he went to the USA. Maybe he was ashamed or scared to tell me...but he didn't answer me again after that, and he blows me off at the rare competition we share. I...don't know why...I keep hoping... The more time passes, the more he treats me like a stranger. It's like he doesn't recognize me anymore."
"...You need to let him go..." Riku said, his voice barely a whisper, though it was clear his voice was on the edge of cracking as he tried his hardest to maintain his composure, "...You need...to move on..."
"...I can't..." Asahi sighed, angry at himself as well as everything else, "I've been trying. Nothing I do works. As soon as I think I'm done with him, I hear his voice and it all just comes bubbling back, like a ghost that haunts me."
"...What...what about him is so special?" Riku demanded, frustrated as well as despairing, "He looks so appallingly average! I don't get it!"
"It's not how he looks!" The older figure barked back, finally meeting those eyes that were looking harshly at him, "It's how he is."
"And what is that!?"
"Shy! Demure! He's...he's..." Asahi wracked his brain for adjectives, "He's just Yuri! I don't know how to explain it! When I look at him, I just want to protect him...I want to put him someplace safe and keep all the woes and troubles of the world away from him. This world we're in now...everyone wants to be so fucking strong and independent...everyone wants to prove that they can make it on their own, and we're becoming so secluded... You know that there's a thing in these big cities now where people are dying 'Lonely Deaths'!? Because people are so hardened to the idea of relying on one another that they go it alone, sometimes even going weeks, months, or years without ever talking to people they know, so no one even realizes they've died! But Yuri wasn't like that! He was always so unsure of everything, it was like he was crying out for help, because he couldn't survive this life by himself! I wanted to be that help...but he always looked right through me..." He dropped down, elbows on his knees, palms over his eyes as he felt the sting of tears, "...When he wasn't pining after that girl...he was focused on the Russian...someone so untouchable, so unreachable that Yuri could try for his entire life and never be noticed... How do I compare to that...? How can I possibly measure up to someone Yuri thinks of like a God...? I'm nothing against that..."
"...I don't care about Viktor..." Riku started, reaching one arm across himself to hold the other, "...To me, you're God..."
Asahi lifted his head, as though he wasn't sure he even heard the words right, "...I'm...what?"
"...Don't make the same mistake Yuri did...and ignore the person right in front of you, in favor of something that you'll never get." The younger skater pleaded, "...I can help you...get over him... I'd do anything...for just one chance to prove myself..."
Those cool brown eyes went down again, and Asahi shook his head, "I would be bad for you. I couldn't give you the love you want."
"...You're not even trying." Riku said flatly, the pain in his throat creeping up again, "Quit holding onto the past. You can move on from him. You didn't even have something with him, so there's nothing to mourn." He explained, taking a few nervous steps closer again, "I understand if you don't want me for a while...there's stages to everything... I can be whatever you want me to be though, in time... But let me help you let him go at least. Even if not for me...but for yourself..." He dared to reach a hand forward, pulling it back briefly from the nerves, but then managing to settle it on Asahi's shoulder. He twitched, and Riku pulled his hand back again in surprise, but then tried again, that time managing to keep it there. Nervously, he inched a bit closer, socks sliding quietly along the wooden flooring, until he could nearly feel their knees brushing against one another.
Asahi lifted his head again, eyes looking aside, but anxiously turning them towards center. For a moment, he found himself looking straight into Riku's gaze, and felt a little mesmerized by it, seeing the color in them, truly, for the first time, "...You...have gold in your eyes..." Before he knew it though, those eyes closed, and the man they belonged to leaned into him. In stunned surprise, he didn't notice the warmth on his lips, but he did feel the cold when Riku pulled away again. A hand came against his other shoulder then, but the world still seemed to stand still in his peripheries. Asahi swallowed nervously, feeling as his body unconsciously sat up a bit straighter, and the wide-eyed expression on the face before him relaxed a little, leaning closer again. That time, he was fully aware of the kiss, and for the briefest moment, he let himself relax into it. Riku lowered down to sit on the middle of his legs though, hands sliding down his chest a little before pulling his head back again. Asahi had no words...his mind was blank.
"...I can make you feel good..." Whispers spoke, "...I know how..." Riku could feel the frame under him starting to tremble, and he pressed in closer to hug the man reassuringly, "...I won't tell anyone. It'll be our secret."
Asahi could do little more than stare blankly over Riku's shoulder, the wall behind him seeming miles away. The hug was starting to calm him though, even as his heart raced in his chest. His arms felt like logs at his sides, limp and lifeless, but after a few seconds, he felt the soft stroke of a cheek against his neck, and he felt the spark of life running to the tips of each of his fingers, letting him move again. Those hands wedged between them though, and Asahi pushed the smaller figure away, at least enough to see his face again, "...You...have to swear it..."
Those gold-flecked eyes widened in hopeful surprise, but Riku nodded, "On my life, I swear it."
"...And..." He started again, feeling his mouth go dry from the sheer fear of it all, "...You...can't be mad at me...if I don't..."
"It's okay." Riku reassured, pressing their foreheads together gently, his right hand coming back to weave fingers through that fluff of black hair, "You're giving me a shot. That's more than I ever thought I'd get."
Asahi nodded slightly, but he told his arms to relax, and though they moved like his joints were rusted hinges on an ancient door, he could feel them giving way. Hands slowly moved down where they'd pushed against Riku's chest to shove him back, feeling every micrometer of fabric like it were covered in glue, stalling him, but eventually his palms settled on the crest of the younger man's hips, and he became aware of Riku kissing him again. It felt so strange...so foreign...so forbidden. But there was a flash in his mind, and when he opened his eyes again, he was looking down at the younger figure, and the arms that were resting over his shoulders had pulled back to just wrists, with fingers laced behind his neck. They were in his bed, in his room, and the warmth between them meant only one thing.
"You okay...?" Riku wondered, squeezing his legs a little where they went around the man's waist, "You stopped suddenly..."
"...I...feel like I just woke up from a dream..." Asahi answered, his head swimming a little, "...Weren't we just...in the break room?"
"That was an hour ago." Riku said pensively, "...Did you forget everything else?" The younger man gave a nervous smile, but unthreaded his fingers and cupped his hands around his partner's head, gently pulling to make him lower down, which he thankfully did, "Don't panic, Asahi. Everything's fine...!"
He blinked in confusion, but let himself down to his elbows, hands slipping under the pillow behind Riku's head, "...It is...? I've never...I mean...this is..."
"You've been wonderful."
Panic started to settle in despite the plead for it not to, and Asahi lifted his head up, looking frantically around the room, "We might get caught...we have to stop... I can't...!"
"It's okay! We're alone!" Riku explained, trying to keep the man where he was, lest he run off in a mad dash for the safety of anywhere else, "Everyone else left for the weekend! No one will be back until tomorrow night! ...Remember?"
"It's...Skate Canada weekend..."
"Exactly... So it's okay..." He continued, voice softer, hands moving gently to try and bring the anxious skater's face back around until he saw those cool brown eyes again, "There's nothing to worry about. It's just us. Breathe..."
Still trembling, Asahi tried to collect his thoughts, every fiber of his being wanting to run, but that foreign feeling keeping him paralyzed where he was. He clenched his eyes shut for a moment, but when he felt the kiss, light as a feather on his lips, he let himself become aware of everything else again; the hands that held him, the legs around him, the warmth between them.
"Shh..."
"...It's...just us..."
"Mh."
"...And this...it's okay..."
"It's okay. I wanted to." Riku explained, though hesitantly, "...If you want to stop, we can stop..."
An anxious few seconds passed without an answer, but Asahi eventually managed to shake his head, and he unclenched himself where he'd become tight and tense in his worrying. With a few nervous movements, he propped himself back up to the place he was when he'd 'come to' previously, looking down on the anxious face beneath him, "...Riku..."
"...Yes...?"
"...I...don't want to stop..."
.
"You handled that surprisingly well." Riku teased, watching the older skater step into the shared hotel room, "You were totally calm this whole weekend, Mr. Gold Medalist."
"I feel totally calm." Asahi answered, reaching two fingers up to his neck to feel his pulse, "My heart rate's normal, too."
"See? I told you you'd be fine, even with Yuri here."
"Maybe it's finally over..." He said, feeling a strange sense of relief washing over him. He felt hands against his back, and he turned around, only to find himself being pushed down onto the bed, and Riku crawled on top of him, smiling eagerly. Fingers slid through his own, pulling his arms up over his head. He looked up into those eyes, but found them turning away from him as the younger man dropped to his side next to him, and soon he was look down into them instead.
"Can we make it official then?"
"...What do you mean?" Asahi wondered apprehensively, feeling legs loosely clamping around him.
Riku tried to look cute, half-closing his eyes, "That you and I are together. Can I finally say I've won your heart?"
Cheeks went pink, and Asahi realized he hadn't taken a breath in a few seconds, so he sputtered a nervous cough as he tried to get his thoughts together again.
"We've been doing this secretly for weeks now..." The younger figure went on, rubbing his thumbs gently where he held their hands above his own head now, "You were so worried that seeing Yuri again would make you question yourself. Well, you've seen him, you were even able to worry about him without it overwhelming you...I think you passed your test?"
"...I don't...know if I'm ready to tell everyone."
Riku made a face, but then smiled anyway, "We don't have to say anything to anyone...I just want us to know... Have I won you over, for good and all?"
"It must be frustrating to date me." Asahi sighed, dipping his head a little as he sat back on his haunches, teetering the edge of the bed, "I always want everything my way but then I never do anything."
"I love you though." Riku answered simply, "Where you lead, I follow. If you need more time, you can have as much as you want. You have to be ready for yourself."
"...Your patience is the stuff of legend, you know that?"
"What can I say? You're worth waiting for."
Asahi felt his heart flutter a little, looking down on that smiling face, watching him eagerly for an answer. He could feel the red on his skin, but a calm settled over him, and he leaned down carefully, finding a light press of lips between them.
Riku seemed somewhat confused by the gesture though, "...I think that's the first time you've kissed me on your own accord."
"...I...think I can finally trust myself to be the man you deserve." He answered, but feeling more sure of his words with each passing second, "I hate that I'm making you wait so long though..."
"As long as we can be ourselves within these walls, everything else is okay. I came into this knowing you're a very private person. Who am I to ask you to change?"
"...Who are you? You're my Riku." Asahi said easily. He could see the tears in the man's eyes already, and he gave an uneasy smile, "...We'll tell everyone in Kyoto. I love you...and I don't want to be scared that people will find out anymore. It'll be out there, and we can finally be ourselves outside these walls."
Riku pulled his hands free and cupped them over his face, tears falling freely, "Oh no..." He snuffled, covering his eyes as well then, "Don't look at me...I'm about to start ugly-crying..."
"You could never be ugly. You're the most beautiful person I know." The older figure lowered down, wedging his hands under his partner's back to hold him closer, "My Riku...my heart and soul...my savior."
.
"WATCH OUT!"
.
KATZss...
The quad Lutz landed perfectly, and the triple Loop that followed was clean as well. The audience was in an uproar of excitement and clapped loudly as Asahi slid backwards from the landing.
Believe that time is always forever
And I'll always be here, believe it till the end.
Viktor didn't even blink as he watched the complex jump combo, studying the moves carefully.
Yuri wasn't sure what to watch more closely; the performance or his husband's face. He could practically see the wheels turning in the Russian's head. He could only wonder to himself what that would mean for Viktor's own Short Program when the second group took the ice.
I won't go away, and won't say never
It doesn't have to be, friend, you can keep it till the end.
Asahi threw himself for the quad Salchow, one hand raised up for added difficulty, but wobbling slightly on the landing. It wasn't worth worrying over, and he twisted around for the start of his step sequence, each move of hand and foot feeling like the familiar fluid gestures of a martial arts formation he'd done a thousand times.
(2:49-3:35)
Believe that time is always forever
And I'll always be here, believe it till the end
He could feel his heart hurting though, that familiar pain of grief that sat like a sickness deep inside him. His eyes closed against it, and when he opened them again, he swore he could see the spectral outline of another skater next to him, mimicking every movement.
I won't go away, and won't say never
They were a blur of twists and turns, blades kicking up frost with every click of metal against the ice.
It doesn't have to be, friend, you can keep it till the end.
Making it to the far side of the rink, Asahi lowered down into a Cantilever, left hand straight up above himself as the right raked the cold beyond his head, hair nearly brushing the frost before he rose up again.
Keep it till the end.
Blades clicked, and the athlete flung himself into the flying camel spin, lower hand pointed towards his spinning blade as the higher one raised up high.
You can keep it till the end.
He lowered down for a sit variant, holding a skate under himself for a few spins before letting it go again and starting to rise.
And time will stay, (you can keep it till the end) time goes by...
His free leg stuck out slightly as he slid his hands up the front of his frame, clasping his hands above his head for the scratch-spin finale. Just as the final lyric was sun, he dug a toe-pick down to slow himself down, and then stepped forward with it, rising up onto both picks with his right arm curved upward in front of himself.
You can keep it till the end.
Locking himself into that final pose, the music faded out, and the ache in his chest grew...but at least it was finally over. Out the corner of his eye, the spectral image faded away, but when he glanced towards it, hoping to see Riku's face there, even if only for a split second, all he saw was Yuri fading into focus on the other side of the rink wall. He'd let go of Viktor's arm to clap politely, and even the Russian was going through the motions, but it didn't make him feel any better. He just sighed and rocked back on his blades, momentum sliding him backward, and he leaned just enough to put his back to the pair.
Acknowledging the crowd had never been so difficult.