It had been five minutes since she had the meeting with the brass. The meeting that took her world and flipped it upside down. She could vaguely hear all of their words, but she wasn't listening. Not after she heard his name. It felt as if she was moving in slow motion, and every word sounded muffled, as if she was in a crowd and someone was attempting to whisper to her.

"Elliot."

Deep immersion, they had called it. Iraq. Iran? She couldn't remember. It was all a blur. Interpol. No communication. Those were the few words that stood out, that were echoing in her head as she attempted to walk back to the 1-6. She felt as though she was drunkenly stumbling back from the bar, one foot in front of another. Cars raced past her, people walked around her, cursing under their breath. She was blind to it all.

She began to sort things out, feeling slowly was returning to her body, yet the fear came rushing in. Captain Benson. Captain Benson. She couldn't fall apart in front of them. Her reaction to him was suddenly her main concern. What would they think? Could she keep it together in front of her squad, or would she break right there? Kidnapped not once, but fucking twice, held hostage more times than she could count, and this is what brings her down. Blue eyes and a smile. She couldn't help but think how ironic it all was. The moment she had waited for, been waiting for deep down for nine whole years, and all she could think about was her squad. Maybe it's just how the Olivia Benson copes. Maybe it's how she's always coped. Others before you. Think about them, not you, and it will go away.

Her entire world was about to be upended. Every little piece she had worked so hard to ground, to tie down. The home she had built for herself. In minutes with the smooth sliding open of those elevator doors it's all about to be ruined. Thrown into the stratosphere piece by fucking piece.

She knew it was about to happen, she could feel it. After twelve years with a person like that, a person that means that much to you, you just know when they're around. The storm that she knew was going to be the end of her as she knew it was about to hit, landfall was coming.

Her eyes land on Fin first. He'll understand like he always has, like he understood before even she did. Then to Amanda. She knew Amanda had heard stories, but was never brave enough to ask. She couldn't blame her. There was the passing comment, the comments that probably came and went to Amanda, but meant everything to her.

"I trusted my partner"

And then there's Kat. She's too hard on the young detective and she knows it, and she knows why. When she sees Kat it's like she's looking in a time machine, bringing her back to 1999. Back when she wasn't jaded. When things were easier. Not easy, just easier. She didn't have 21 years of pain, loss, and the worst humanity had to offer on her back. And she was tired. God, she was fucking tired.

They always say your other half brings out the best and the worst in you. That's exactly what he did. He was the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. After 12 years he somehow still gave her hope. Hope in society, hope in men, hope in love, and in 6 words from her old captain's mouth, it was all taken away. Sucked out of her like a vacuum plummeting her into orbit with no place to land.

These years with her squad. Her leadership over them. She thought that she had done a decent job leading. She was ready for it, she had "earned it'', at least that's what everyone said. She had been through hell and back, more times than she could count, and proved her strength to them. It seemed like every day she was waking up, "proving it" to someone. Hey, look everyone! I was born from the worst there is, I've been kidnapped, assaulted, harassed, but here I am! I'm strong. I'm still going. Deep down she couldn't help but wonder if it was a facade for everyone else, or if it was the only coping mechanism she knew to keep herself getting out of bed every day.

And then it happened. She saw Fins head turn towards the entrance of the unit, and the look on his face was one she never thought she would see, yet she recognized it right away.

The strength. The leadership. The way every single one of her coworkers viewed her. It was all about to come crashing down. Elliot Stabler was here.