CHAPTER THREE HUNDRED SEVENTY NINE

When Minako spotted a familiar bundled-up figure pushing into the lobby from the blustering and dark outdoors, a ski-mask covering his eyes, hood over his head, and scarf around every inch of skin that might be exposed and recognized...she found herself unconsciously raising an eyebrow. As Asahi spotted her though and made his way closer, she hummed to herself, realizing how reluctant he was to disrobe in the warmth of the indoors. She found herself becoming acutely aware of all the spectators and skating fans that surrounded them.

I guess I didn't think about how he'd react to having other people around. Yuri and Viktor are pretty comfortable in their own skins, so sitting down in a public place and chatting is no big deal...but this guy...

She could imagine his eyes darting around, nervously looking through the darkened lens of the visor, but when the skater finally got close enough that he could speak...he didn't. He just bowed his head towards her quietly, hoping she'd recognize his jacket at least.

"I wasn't really sure you'd come...but now that you're here, I can't help but think you'd be pretty uncomfortable talking to me in such a public space, filled with people who recognize you on sight." She said, almost as a dryly-funny stab against herself, "Right?"

The hooded-head nodded once.

"Guess it's not just Yuri or Viktor to consider..." Minako put a finger on her chin and looked around, wondering if there would be anywhere good in the whole hotel to sit where too many other people would be walking around. She shrugged anxiously and turned back to the man before her, "I'm a little embarrassed to admit that this hotel doesn't even have a bar...I thought every hotel did, so I was surprised when I actually checked to find it. So...we can either try to find somewhere outside this place to go to, and waste a bunch of time...or..."

The skater lowered his head a little, as though worried he might've wasted time already.

Minako noticed it easily enough, even under the man's ample layers, "Well, at the risk of this sounding super awkward, you could just come up to my room. It'll be quiet and cozy, at least..."

He seemed to recoil a bit into himself, arms getting tighter where he pulled them defensively closer.

"It's okay, I'm the only one using it. Besides..." She tried to see the humor in it, "You're not into older women, " Trying to preserve his dignity a little, "...and I'm already involved with someone. This is purely an educational endeavor."

"Mrphmprhmphr..." He attempted, only to groan quietly and reach a gloved hand for the scarf, pulling it down just enough to be heard, "It's fine. I don't really care where we go."

"Oh...well, that makes it easy then. Come...follow me."

As she'd described, Minako's hotel room was rather small. Built with the idea of two occupants in mind, and sporting two twin beds, a couch that was built into the wall by the corner-window, and a bathroom that one might expect to be attached to a mobile home for how compact and space-savvy it was...it was, indeed, cozy. With the door closed behind the anxious athlete, it was quiet as a meadow. South-facing to look over the river, even in the dark of winter night, the view was still rather nice.

Minako put her jacket, boots, and scarf away again, set her purse on the edge of the closest bed, and gestured to the closet for Asahi to follow her lead. She then went to rummage around in her bag, finding an iPad tablet, and moved to sit down. She crossed her legs as the tablet came alive, and she started seeking for the videos she'd compiled links to.

Asahi quietly put his jacket up, but kept his scarf, loosely wrapping it around the lower half of his face and over his shoulders. He nervously went into the main part of the room and looked around, waiting for some queue as to what to do.

"Here. Sit." She told him simply, patting the edge of the untouched second twin bed, "You can grab pillows or something if you want to hold onto something."

"So you said this was...going to be educational." The skater asked pensively, "What exactly are you planning to teach me about...?"

"The Life and Love of Nikiforov." She explained proudly, sitting up a bit straighter for dramatic flair, but then crouching down again to poke at the tablet's screen, "I'm a bit shocked and appalled at myself for knowing so little about you, despite the fact that you were rink-buddies with Yuri for a long time, back in the day. But something that shocks and appalls me more is how clueless you seem to be about him slash them."

Asahi just kind of narrowed his eyes at her in confusion.

"I know it's not my business to go poking and prodding into your life when you've been so private all this time. I'll respect that." Minako went on, pulling up the first video, "But given everything I've seen and heard over the last few days...I think a lot of the troubles you've faced could've been avoided if you were...in the loop, so to speak."

Asahi just groaned again and drooped his head, "My choreographer told me to do research a bunch of times before we got here. The minute it was announced that Viktor was being brought into the JSF, and he'd be competing here this weekend, he got on my ass to prepare myself."

"No one told you to do that anyway? I mean, even before Viktor was scheduled to be here?" Minako was puzzled.

The skater just shook his head, teal tails waving back and forth beside his face, "I guess they thought that if it was just Yuri, then everything would be fine, because Yuri would just catch me up himself. It...wouldn't be such a shock to find out he was with someone if he told me first, rather than me running face first into the both of them, not knowing who he was with."

"Does it really bother you so much that it turned out to be Viktor?" The ballerina wondered, looking on curiously, "Or did Yuri really annoy you that much with his fanboyness back then?"

Asahi contemplated his next words carefully, but then shrugged and shook his head, "It's...hard to explain. I have so many conflicting feelings about all this, and after Yuri yelled at me yesterday, I'm trying to sort out which of those conflicts are real or manufactured." He pulled his knees up in front of himself and hugged his arms around them, "I missed Yuri a lot after we went our different ways after Juniors. I was actually looking forward to seeing him again this weekend. I thought...maybe we'd let bygones be bygones and we could be friends again like we used to be. I had never fostered any hope that he'd suddenly develop feelings for me just because we'd been reunited after so long." He said against the fabric of his black jeans, looking down at the tablet on Minako's lap but not really focusing on what it showed yet, "I suppose I'd resigned myself to the idea that I'd always be alone, because of the way I am. I'd tried to make peace with it. I'd be happy with Yuri as a friend."

"Did no one warn you that him and Viktor were together?"

"They tried, but I wasn't paying attention." He answered quietly, "I guess I just didn't want to hear it. I was content to know that Viktor had come to Japan to be Yuri's coach...that seemed fantastical enough as it was. For Viktor and Yuri to actually become a couple though...that just seemed like crazy-talk. I really couldn't process it. I thought people were screwing with me, or that it was just rumors that had been blown way out of proportion. The Yuri I knew wasn't into men, so why would he be into Viktor? Unless something was wrong, like Viktor realized what a huge fanboy Yuri was, and took advantage of him... The Yuri I remember would've done anything to keep Viktor happy. Anything."

Minako nodded and hummed a quiet agreement, but then shook her head, "I can see why people would think that. When Viktor first showed up, Yuri and I were both worried that Viktor was just using him as an excuse to take a break from competition, and that once his inspiration came back, he'd leave. Viktor was always ready to surprise people, and suddenly leaving Russia to be a coach in Japan was...well, a really big surprise. " She leaned back on her twin-bed, propping herself up on her hands as she looked up, "Yuri really lacked confidence back then. He had fairly minimal self-esteem, and often thought negatively of himself, especially compared to others. His collapse in Sochi really devastated his ego. When he came home after his second collapse at Nationals, he was overweight and really depressed. He had no plan, no ideas, no goals...he just kind of floated through those days like a ghost, trying to find his way." She leaned forward again, and pulled the tablet around, lighting up the screen again and displayed the video she'd loaded, "But then he did this..." She pointed down at the hit-count under the video, and it's 3.8 million views. She glanced up curiously, "You at least remember Viktor's programs from that year, right? He'd done them a few times before Yuri lost his game."

"...Y-yeah..." Asahi nodded, letting his legs part again to cross loosely, and clasped his hands together over where they folded, "I don't remember what they were called, but I'd recognize them if I saw them."

"Viktor's Free Skate was called 'Aria - Stay Close to Me.'" Minako explained, clicking the video to full-screen it and then hitting the red Play button in the middle. She looked down at the tilted panel from her upside-down vantage, and listened to the words she'd heard half-a-dozen times from watching it in the past.

Recording it from an impromptu skating session, the triplets' original video had no music to go with it, but when Yuri took that familiar starting position, Asahi could hear it in his head. Seeing that stocky, un-figure-skater-like frame twisting and turning through the delicate moves of an ultra-hard Free Program though...the quad Flip, the quad Lutz...even the later jumps, the Salchow and Toe-loop quads...even the difficult spins. All of it was impressive, given the man's fluffy physique.

"That was so cool!" Yuko screamed from rink-side, "A perfect copy of Viktor! AWESOME! I thought you'd be depressed or something!"

The Yuri on the screen, zoomed as well as could be considering the triplets were still trying to hide, nodded and smiled, blushing as he looked at the ice, "I was. But I got bored of feeling depressed, so I got to thinking...I wanted to get my love for skating back. I thought I could remember how it was when I copied Viktor with you. Yu-chan...I've..." He raised his eyes, though his smile had faded and he looked anxious and tired. There was a nervous swallow as well, but he tried to collect his nerves to continue, "I've..."

The video suddenly ended, leaving Asahi to just stare at that desperate look on his old friend's face, "That girl who yelled..."

"That's Yuko Nishigori."

"That was Yuko...?" He echoed, "I'd heard so much about her back then, before Yuri left. He...really had a thing for her back then. He was devastated when she got together with the guy who bullied him as a kid. He'd come back to Imari after a weekend home in Hasetsu and complain bitterly about being around the babies."

Minako smiled, but her eye twitched a little, "I can imagine... I was kind of the same way for a while. I think we all could've handled it a little better if it was one kid, but three all at once, and they were all so young, too... Yuko was only 18 when she got pregnant, and 19 when she delivered. Yuri was 17 when it all started and it really shook him."

"And he was gone within the year."

"Yeah... This video is actually the first time Yuri saw the girls himself after that. The triplets were the ones who recorded the video...he had no idea at the time. They posted it to Yuko's YouTube account and it went viral."

"...When...did he do this?" Asahi wondered, looking down to see the late-March upload date, "This would've been right around Worlds."

"Yuri skated this show at about the same time Viktor did in Tokyo." She explained, pulling the tablet back around to start seeking the next video, "The girls uploaded it that same night...and about 10 days later, we found out it went viral...and then Viktor turned up, saying he would be Yuri's coach and that he'd make Yuri win Gold at the next Grand Prix Final."

"Why would he just show up like that though? Yuri had never been able to manage the brass to interact with him."

Minako laughed sadly at that, "I know! I'd tag along with him to competitions with the hope that, one day, he'd be brave, because then he could tell me what room Viktor was staying in and I could go meet him, too! But he never did, so I never did..." She sighed dramatically, "Ah Yuri...the terrified secret admirer. The first time he actually kind of met Viktor in any meaningful way was at that one Skate Canada event before the Final in Sochi, when they were both on the podium and Viktor shook his hand to congratulate him."

"I remember." Asahi said stiffly, given how that night reminded him of other things.

"...Oh...uhm, you okay?" The ballerina wondered suddenly, "You got real apprehensive all of a sudden."

The athlete lowered his face and drew a breath, "...It's the same night Riku and I got together. We...were actually watching that event from the Skate Club in Imari. I had made some dry remark about how Yuri would probably never wash that hand again after Viktor touched it, and Riku called me out on it. I guess he could sense the jealousy in my voice. It's not like Yuri ever thought that highly of me... The next thing I knew, Riku had made it his mission to help me let go of Yuri... He would always say something like, 'if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.'"

"That's not entirely a bad idea." Minako agreed, "And if that happened during Skate Canada...then..."

"We had about 6 weeks together before he was killed." Asahi said flatly, and quickly, trying to avoid letting himself fall into that quagmire of unaddressed despair.

Minako could sense that her plans would go down-hill if they carried on with that topic, so she quickly loaded the next video, "Uhm...well, I don't want to make you linger on something that's just going to hurt you... I'll just move on to this thing." She said calmly, loading up a video that showed Yuri all slimmed down again and dressed for competition, standing alone in a rink, black all around him, "Viktor's rink-mate from back in St. Petersburg had gotten a bug up his arse about Viktor being in Hasetsu, and turned up, demanding Viktor return to Russia to be his coach...so Viktor came up with this hare-brained Katsuki v Plisetsky idea. Him and the triplets arranged an Exhibition at the Ice Castle, and challenged them, saying that whoever won the event would get to have him as their coach. He spent a week choreographing each of their programs, and taught each of them how to skate them properly. The shows were actually his own programming that he'd been planning for the next year, but he broke them down into two, and later three distinct SP routines. The theme was Love, and he assigned Eros to our Yuri, and Agape to the Russian Yuri. He'd later do Philia for himself at Worlds, but that's neither here nor there, so I'll ignore it for now. This is actually Yuri's show at the Hasetsu Exhibition..."

"...Eros...?" Asahi echoed, late, "Isn't that...eroticism?"

Minako laughed and nodded, "Yes! It's part of a Christian philosophical outlook on the different kinds of bonds that exist. Eros is erotic love between intimate partners. Agape is unconditional love, like the kind God has for His creations. Viktor wanted to challenge both Yuris to do something he thought they'd either be uncomfortable or unfamiliar with, so he gave them the programs opposite to what they wanted. The Russian Yuri absolutely hated it, but our Yuri took it in stride...he really wanted to impress Viktor, so he gave it all the Eros he could muster." She explained proudly, "And this Exhibition turned out to be something of a big deal. That JSF newscaster, Morooka, even showed up to make the whole thing feel semi-official. When the boys revealed their programs, they even presented themselves wearing two of Viktor's old costumes, from when he was in Juniors. Yuri took this black one because it had both male and female style elements, but also because it was really sexy." She laughed, then suddenly got really serious, leaning far forward over the tablet and straight into Asahi's personal space, forcing him to lean back and away defensively, "Yuri woke me up at ass-o'clock in the morning, the night before the Exhibition, just to have me teach him how to move in feminine ways. We pulled an all-nighter to get it right."

"O-oh..." The skater managed, eye twitching once nervously. He felt relieved when Minako pulled back again, unblinking as she did so though, and watched her finger for the Play button to start the next video, holding the tablet up in front of her face.

"Yuri originally thought to think of the program's story as though he were some playboy that comes into a new town, seduces all the most attractive and noble women, only to then leave. But all his plans changed the night before the show, because he said it would make more sense to him if he portrayed it as a femme fatale instead, seducing the seducer and then leaving him behind."

The video was slow-burning, showing the very end of Yurio's Agape before turning towards rink-side to find Yuri in the dark beyond the ice. It showed Viktor slinking up from the side, nearly scaring the man into screaming, though Yuri had pulled his hands up to stifle the noise by covering his mouth. Asahi's brow flinched to see Yuri reaching his arms over the Russian's shoulders, hugging him, "...Viktor didn't hug him back?"

"Viktor had his hands in his pockets at the time, and he really didn't expect Yuri to do that, so he did something else in response." Minako explained, "You can actually see the look on Yuri's face when he hears it..." She mused, leaning down to rewind to video a little and pausing it on the exact frame where the man's cheeks went a bit pink, "Yuri struggled to find inspiration for his Eros because he'd never been in an intimate relationship with anyone before...so he used food as his fall-back, and more specifically, his favorite food, katsudon. He told Viktor that he was about to go and become a tasty katsudon on the ice, and Viktor answered by saying, 'I love katsudon.'" She looked up at the skater sitting across from her with an immature smirk on her face, "You get it? Yuri's going to become katsudon and Viktor says he loves katsudon?"

"I get it." Asahi answered stiffly, "But why would he say something like that if he's just there to coach? You kind of skipped answering that part too earlier..."

"Oh! I did!" She laughed anxiously and fanned herself with her free hand, setting the tablet down, "Viktor came to be Yuri's coach because Yuri asked him to at the Sochi Banquet!"

"...I thought he was miserable in Sochi? And if he asked then, why did it take till after Worlds for Viktor to show up?" The skater asked skeptically.

"Well, I don't know all the details because I've mostly just seen photos, but there is a video of part of it...Yuri got super-mega-hilariously drunk at the banquet because he was miserable, and unfortunately, Yuri gets a bit crazy when he's drunk. He did this whole strip show with Chris Giacometti,"

Asahi couldn't help but glare slightly at the mention of that name.

"...And then a break-dancing competition with Plisetsky...then Viktor joined in at the end and Yuri danced with him for a while...then the video shows Yuri actually drunkenly asking Viktor to come to Hasetsu after the season is over to be his coach." Minako went on without noticing the skater's apprehensive look, "Yuri forgot all about it, and no one brought it up until we were all in Barcelona last year, just over 8 months after the fact, so Yuri went that whole time thinking it was just his replica of Aria that got Viktor to show up. Turns out, Yuri seduced the Hell out of Viktor during their banquet dance...so when he turned up after Worlds, it was basically exactly like Yuri had asked of him. The only trouble with it was that, because Yuri forgot, and also because Yuri was on the edge of retirement after Nationals, Viktor wasn't sure Yuri still wanted him there, so he put it on the back-burner and just kind of waited. The video of Yuri's Aria was the sign Viktor was looking for that Yuri wasn't ready to give up, so Viktor flew his happy ass to Hasetsu the next night." She laughed, putting a hand on her cheek as she remembered the whole thing in embarrassed glee, "Viktor was already at Yu-Topia when I found out, so I ran over there as fast as I could, thinking Yuri didn't even know Viktor was coming yet...only to find the doofus sleeping on the floor in spa-robes like he'd been there for a while already. Yuri was in complete shock over it all, watching Viktor as though it was all a weirdly cruel hallucination." She shook her head and sighed happily, "So, in the end, we found out that Viktor had actually been in love with Yuri that whole time, and he was just doing his best to get Yuri to fall for him in return without freaking him out."

"...Oh."

"So the whole 'I love katsudon' thing was Viktor subtly saying he loved Yuri."

"...I see."

"Well, let me show you Yuri's Eros then. He actually did pretty well for not having skated anything like it before." Minako reached to hit Play again, resuming the video from Yuri's embarrassed face onward.

The sassy guitar introduced the piece, and Asahi watched in confused fascination as Yuri skated the aptly-named program. The step-out from the quad Salchow was a shame, but the quad Toe-triple Toe at the end was flawless. The audience's applause, even without having seen Yurio's show, seemed to be more enthusiastic than it had been from the start of the video...and then, heard Viktor's voice calling out to the skater. Footage played on, showing the Russian reaching out to Yuri as he came towards the rink-wall...and hugged him.

Minako glanced up to see if he had any reaction, and noted how Asahi seemed to breathe a quiet breath into the hand covering his mouth, "What do you think?"

"...It's a Yuri I've never seen before." The athlete answered, seeing the video return to the original preview thumbnail as it ended, and he leaned back against his hands, pulling one knee up to wobble that leg back and forth to distract himself, "...I...feel weirdly glad that Viktor returned the hug at the end. Yuri must've been really happy about that."

"Oh, he was. Viktor hugged him again when they stood on the podium together after it was done. Yuri was riding the high of that night for weeks." Minako confirmed, "Before the Exhibition, Yuri was still pretty unsure and apprehensive...and was really anxious about things after Plisetsky showed up. He was terrified that he'd lose and Viktor would leave...so after he realized he won, and that Viktor was going to stay, he let himself relax a little bit and started to trust that Viktor really wanted to coach him, not just use him as an excuse to take a break." She explained, sifting through her list to find the next program to show off, "Still, it probably took another month after Onsen on Ice before Yuri was able to settle down and focus...he still thought of Viktor as his idol, this untouchable Skating God, rather than his coach. But...Yuko told me later...Yuri apparently poked the top of Viktor's head once while they were practicing, and Viktor collapsed, thinking he was going bald. Yuri totally lost it, trying to apologize, saying Viktor wasn't going bald and all that...but that was basically when Yuri started to see Viktor as just another person." She glanced up to look at the other figure, and spoke her next words directly at him, "As big a celebrity as Viktor Nikiforov is, he's still human, with all his merits, flaws, insecurities, problems, and talents...just like everyone else."

Asahi crossed his arms nervously, "...Yeah..."

Minako stared for a moment, "Viktor is a normal human."

"Y-you just said that."

"Say it back to me."

"...That Viktor is a normal human?" He said, confused, "Why...?"

"Because now that it's come out of your mouth, you can start to see him that way." She answered, looking down to a video labeled [Yuri Katsuki: Cup of China Free Program.] She clicked into it, turned the tablet around, and waited a moment, hovering her finger over the Play button. The preview image behind it showed Yuri in his starting stance, a pose very similar to the start of Aria, "Viktor and Yuri worked together on the Free Skate for the rest of the spring and summer, perfecting Eros and getting ready to return to international competition. Yuri did his qualifiers at Regionals, and his first Grand Prix assignment was in Beijing. Now...before I show this video to you, I want you to know what the program is about."

"...O-kaaaay...?" Asahi said quietly, his hackles raised slightly.

"This show is about Yuri's journey." She told him sternly, "It speaks his heart. It tells the story of how he was before and after Viktor showed up; how lost he was, and how alone he felt. You already knew Yuri from those days, when he was falling apart after Sochi, so you'll understand what he's saying during the first part of the routine...but I want you to pay close attention to how he is from the moment Viktor turns up, and after. Ready?"

"...I think so."

Minako hit Play, and the video began, showing Yuri stepping out onto the ice. The skater moved glibly towards the rink-wall, took a tissue from the poodle-plush holster, blew his nose...and dropped the Kleenex just out of his coach's grasp. Viktor nearly hobbled over the wall to catch it, but then stopped dead in his tracks as a finger came down on top of his head. Yuri squished that silver hair down by rubbing his finger-tip around a few times, pat the spot with the flat of his palm, and departed without saying a word, leaving Viktor to rise up again with a hand on that same spot and a confused look on his face.

"...Oh, he did the bald-spot thing again." Asahi commented, only to get a swat on the top of his own head for saying it, and he recoiled in stunned horror.

"Viktor'snotgoingbald!" Minako defended frantically.

Yuri took his place in the middle of the rink, his starting pose quite similar to the beginning of Aria. The piano began, and Yuri raised his hands up in front of himself, then spread them out to the side as he raised his face up toward the ceiling. Asahi took the imagery of it rather seriously, hunched over his lap like he was studying for a test, elbows on his knees and one hand over his mouth again. Minako watched him instead of the program, seeing every eye-twitch and half-blink as Yuri progressed through his show.

Every stumble, every over-rotation, every out-step...Asahi felt the pain of those mistakes as though they were his own, but then the music calmed, and Yuri glided forward with his arms out to the side, weightless and care-free, like the burdens of the first half of his show - and his career - were being let go into the wind. Free as a bird. Things picked up after that, the music becoming more hopeful and confident, even determined. Minako watched him even more intently when she knew the quad Flip was coming up, and noticed that Asahi was leaning closer and closer to the screen as the program neared its end. The man seemed utterly invested in it now...then Yuri kicked his right leg out behind himself, leaning on the inside edge of his left skate...and toe-picked down.

Asahi practically jumped when he saw it, "Ahhh!" But then Yuri fell on the landing, and Asahi was left deflated, "He was so close!"

"Right!?"

Yuri stood out of his final move, bringing his arms in from the end of the combination spin, and raised his left hand out to the side. The footage panned over from the skater on the ice to the coach on rink-side...and Viktor, hands on his face, turned away.

"What the Hell was that? Why was Viktor covering his eyes?" Asahi grumbled, angry on Yuri's behalf, "That was so mean."

"Wait for it..."

Viktor was running then, flying towards the opening in the wall, where he nearly ran right by for how fast he was going. He caught his breath for a moment as Yuri came gliding towards him, arms out and hopeful, smiling despite how many times he'd messed up his jumps...and then Viktor jumped straight out towards him.

Asahi's eyes were wide, and even his face flushed a bit to see them connect, kiss, and fall to the ice together, Viktor landing on top of Yuri, and each of them holding there for a moment, "...Oh." He commented, unsure what else to say as he sat up a bit straighter. He watched Viktor push up onto his elbows, looking down at the pink-cheeked skater under him...but there was no way to hear what either of them said. Eventually though, the two had to get up off each other and make their way to the kiss and cry. Viktor obliged to help, getting up onto his knees and feet first, and offered his hands down to his athlete to hoist him up after. There was another long hug, and Viktor stepped backward to pull his crush off the ice, swinging the man back and forth happily as Yuri held on tight, tip-toeing along on the picks of his naked blades.

"...The score for Yuri Katsuki..." The English-language announcer called, butchering the poor man's surname to sound like Kuh-TSOO-ki rather than KAT-suki, "...177.56, with a total of 284.40. He is currently in second place."

Yuri was literally crying with relief, burying his hands against his face as he sobbed right there and then. Viktor hugged him, crying as well, but out of pure happiness for it all. More unheard words were exchanged between them before the video ended, but the last thing that showed on the screen was Viktor pulling his athlete closer in another hug, kissing the side of the man's forehead and rubbing his cheek there affectionately.

"...Wow..." Asahi commented quietly, "...That...wow."

"I know!" Minako agreed happily, "Yuri won Silver that night. Viktor was fawning over him all throughout the rest of that weekend, into the Exhibition, coming off the plane back in Fukuoka. Watching how proud he was of Yuri was really endearing. I don't think I've seen Yuri blush so much in his whole life. His face must've been hurting after a while because he was smiling the entire time. He was just so happy."

"...So I...guess that's when they got together?"

Minako flipped the tablet around as her face went vacant, "...I... You know, that's a good question, because until the Final, the kiss never came up again." She answered, a bit embarrassed by not actually knowing, "I mean, they had little gestures between them...Viktor would touch Yuri's face more, and his hands, but nothing overtly romantic. The next time I remember anything happening that was even in the same ballpark was at Rostelecom in Moscow...Viktor was doing his pep-talk before Yuri's Short Program, fingering Yuri's balled-up fist on the wall, and then suddenly Yuri flared his fingers out, laced them into Viktor's, and touched their foreheads together." She lifted her head in thought, "I didn't get to go to Rostelecom, but I was in Hasetsu when Viktor's dog, Makkachin, had a near-death accident and Viktor had to come back. Yuri was stuck in Moscow by himself for the rest of the weekend, but Viktor arranged for his own coach, Yakov Feltsman, to stand-in for him while he attended to his poodle. Viktor was frantic about everything...Makkachin is his family, and he was really scared. The first time he got to talk to Yuri after getting back to Japan was just a few hours before Yuri had to do his Free Skate." She looked down then, glancing at the screen in her lap, "He was so exhausted...from the flight, from staying awake for his dog, then making sure he got to see the Free Program live as it happened. I had set up a LiveStream at a Snack Bar that I run, and Viktor came by to watch with me...he called Yuri to wish him luck. ...I could tell from the tone of their voices that they were miserable without each other. As relieved as they were that Makkachin was stable, there was still this overwhelming sadness that they were apart. Viktor ended up taking Makkachin to Fukuoka with him to be there when Yuri got back. It was really kind of strange...for a few days, they were happier just to be together again than they were that Yuri had managed to squeak into the Final. The fact that Yuri made it was practically an after-thought. We had to remind them to be happy about that, too..."

"...Wow."

"Yeah..." She nodded, waiting for a moment before moving on, "Asahi... The thing of it all is...while I know that it annoyed the crap out of you to constantly hear Yuri talking about Viktor when you two were younger, I think...it was just a foretelling of things to come." She explained sincerely, "Yuri may have been scared to talk to Viktor for a long time, but from the moment Yuri knew Viktor existed, he was transfixed. Viktor was the same way in return once he clued in, and they've been nigh-inseparable since the day Viktor showed up in Hasetsu. Now...I myself have had a rocky and unsteady history of flings and brief romances, so I wouldn't know what it really feels like...but these days, I'm convinced that those two are soul mates. Viktor's celebrity just prevented him from knowing it sooner. Yuri...basically knew all along, even if he wasn't consciously aware of that fact. It was just a matter of time before they both kind of figured it out and got on the same page with one another."

Asahi swallowed nervously, but lowered his head and nodded, "...I...think I understand..."

"I hope you don't think I dragged you here to rub them in your face." The ballerina went on quietly, "I just...wanted to show you that the relationship they have is genuine. It's not a famous idol taking advantage a fan for his own selfish purposes sort of situation. Viktor gave up everything to be with Yuri...and more recently, almost lost his skating career over it, too. He's a good person, and he loves Yuri more than anything. Yuri feels the same way back. ...I don't like to be morbid, but they'd die for and without each other."

He nodded again.

Minako waited quietly for a response, not wanting to force it while the cogs turned in that overwhelmed mind.

Asahi held still for a moment, but slowly turned to his side, reaching for one of the stiff pillows at the head of the bed. He brought it down and hugged it against his chest, rubbing his face on the end of it, and sighed aloud, "...I...really had no idea." He started, "About...how they really met, what happened between them, how they felt about everything... Maybe I'm...just jaded, and I wanted to see the flaws because they..." He brought his arm up and pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose, looking away, "...They get to have each other... And I know what it's like to want Yuri...so maybe part of me was jealous, and was turning that into resentment against Viktor for having what I couldn't. But...after what Yuri told me yesterday, before I..." He cracked slightly, snuffling to try and keep it together, though the tears were already forming in his eyes, "...Before I did to him something that I never should have..."

The ballerina reached her hand across the gap between twin beds and pressed her finger around the man's shoulder, hoping to keep him grounded, and so he'd know he wasn't alone.

"...I never w-wanted to hurt him..." He said through pained breaths.

"I know." Minako nodded, "That's why I'm trying to help work things out. I don't think you're a bad person. You made a terrible mistake, and you know that... I think it's important that you three can talk about it and maybe find peace between yourselves."

"I w-wish that I could tell Yuri...that I'm sorry... If I could take back what I did, I would in a heartbeat." Asahi explained, still trying to stop the tears from falling loose from his eyes, "Just being here...seeing him, seeing him with someone...and having the last two years of my life brought back to haunt me...making me dig up these feelings that I refused to let myself have before... I just...I'm just..."

"What happened to you and Riku was awful." Minako said, "I can only imagine how much pain you've been holding in because you were too scared to let it out. But...you're 26 years old now. You have your own life, and you don't have to try and live up to the expectations your family set down in front of you. Not like that anyway. You're an incredibly talented skater and you should be proud of that. Who cares if you're gay? That doesn't define you. You are the only person who can set down the parameters of who you are."

"...I'm...just so scared still...of letting all this out..." Asahi admitted, lifting his red and darkened eyes to the woman sitting before him, "When Yuri f-forced me to realize that...I w-wasn't actually in love with him... It felt like h-he was forcing me to confront stuff that I wasn't r-ready to deal with... I don't know that I c-can handle it...on my own..."

"You're not alone. I'm here with you right now." She explained, trying to comfort him as well as she could, "And I mean...who could blame you for wanting to fall back in love with Yuri anyway? He's a sweet kid. But it's like you said...he's right about this. You're just putting off something that you should've taken care of two years ago. Trying to convince yourself that you're still in love with Yuri is just...an attempt to void-out the fact that you and Riku were ever together at all. There's no shame in admitting you loved him."

"...I...s-saw him...you know?"

"Saw him?"

"On the ice...after m-my Free Skate... I heard h-his voice, saying my name..."

Minako watched the man carefully, not sure what to make of the revelation.

"I've...been reminded about him so much this w-weekend... People s-saying his name, mentioning his death... But I never t-told anyone about him...so it's just...poking all these big h-holes into the dam I put up to avoid thinking about him..." Asahi explained, his voice straining under his grief, "If I c-can't...get it together, the dam is going to...break..."

"Maybe it needs to. If you've been putting this off this whole time, and now he's starting to haunt you...? Asahi, it's time to be open about it."

"I can't...!" He shook his head strongly from side to side, "...It should've been me...!"

Minako's eyes widened to hear those words.

"...It should've been me that died...!"