They laid in bed later that night, her fingers threaded through his, playing with his hand as he held her in the crook of his arm.
"Are you mad?" she asked.
"Nah," he replied. "It took me by surprise but what can I do about it, you know? It's out now. Maybe that's a good thing. We don't have to sneak around anymore."
"Maybe," she whispered back. "I...I don't know. I feel like it puts a whole new level of pressure on us that wasn't there before."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well, now that they know, if things don't work out, it'll be a big mess. If things hadn't worked out while it was just between us, nobody would have known. We could've kept it quiet."
"So you're saying things aren't going to work out?" he replied, a hint of hurt in his voice.
"No, I'm not sayi-"
"I think you are," he interrupted. "Why else would it be a concern for you?"
"Relationships fail all the time, Luke. It's a fact of life."
"That doesn't mean this one has to," he replied.
"I never said that."
"You implied it."
"No I didn't!" she argued, the pitch of her voice rising.
She got out of bed and walked toward the window, opening it and deeply inhaling the cool air. He scooted down to the foot of the bed and sat up, using his palms to steady himself. He lowered his elbows onto his lap and ran his fingers through his hair.
"What are you afraid of?" he sighed, trying to reason with her.
"You know what."
"I thought we were past that. Don't you trust me?"
"What part of 'I'm not good at this' did you not understand, Luke?! Before tonight, it was all so easy. You knew, I knew, Rory knew, Sookie knew, and my mom knew. That was it. If I bolted, not a lot of people would be hurt. But now, the whole damn town is involved."
"So, what? You feel trapped?"
"I didn't say that either," she breathed out.
"Come here," he said, patting the space next to him.
She didn't move. She didn't even turn. She remained still, arms folded across her chest, staring wearily out into the night. He stood and walked to her, leaving a few feet between them. He laid his hand on her shoulder and tried tugging her to turn toward him but she shrugged him off.
"I told you in the parking lot that I wouldn't let you bolt. And if this is you trying to bolt, then you're going to have to jump out that window. Because your only other option is turning around. And when you do, I'm gonna be standing here, not letting you bolt."
Still, she said nothing.
"I'll stand right here all night."
She remained silent.
"I'll stand here for the rest of my damn life, Lorelai. I made you a promise and I'm keeping it. But, for the sake of argument, maybe I should tell you some other places I'd rather be standing." He paused for a moment before continuing.
"I'd rather be standing behind the counter at my diner with a full pot of coffee in my hand, pouring it into your cup as you smile at me brightly with those eyes that light up my world. I'd rather be standing in the corner of a shoe store while you shamelessly fill your arms, and mine, with seven of the exact same pairs of pumps, just in different colors. I'd rather be standing next to you at your daughter's school debates, watching her proudly. I'd rather be standing beside you in the morning while we brush our teeth together. I'd rather be standing at the realtor's office, watching you and Sookie sign the final papers when you two buy the inn you've always wanted. I'd rather be standing at an altar, taking you as my wife and promising the rest of my life to you. I'd rather be standing by a hospital bed, holding your hand as I watch you give birth to our first child. I'd rather be standing next to you at our kid's soccer game, watching him dribble the ball the wrong way down the field. I'd rather be standing a lot of places right now. But if you want me to stand right here for forever, I will."
She inhaled sharply, exhaling even more sharply, and turned around. "Okay," she said plainly. "Let's go to bed."
She walked back to the bed and laid down, covering herself with the blankets. Turning away from him, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. A series of confusing thoughts ran through his mind.
What kind of reaction was that?
Did she even hear me?
Did I scare her?
Does she want those things?
Am I in over my head thinking I can handle this?
She couldn't sleep. She knew he was laying right behind her back, eyes opened, wondering what the hell she was thinking. But she didn't even know what she was thinking. He'd just taken her through his entire set of plans for their future and all she could say was 'Okay. Let's go to bed.'
What the hell is wrong with me?
How can I just lay here and say nothing after that...speech?
Why am I still so scared?
How am I supposed to tell him that I want all of that too?
She rolled over and saw him staring at the ceiling, his hands folded over his midsection.
"Hey," she whispered.
"Hey," he replied, not breaking his gaze at the ceiling.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" he asked.
"For doubting you."
"Okay," he said before turning away from her and closing his eyes.
She got up and walked, around the bed, over to his side, and crouched down next to him, leveling her face with his. She reached for his hand and held it between both of hers.
"Look at me," she pleaded.
Reluctantly, he looked up at her and she smiled.
"I want you to know that I don't doubt you. Or doubt us. And everything you said you wanted with me over there," she said, nodding toward the window, "I want it too. But you have to understand, Luke, that us-that this-isn't something I expected. I had the rest of my life planned out this time last year and, yes, it included the coffee, the shoe shopping, and buying an inn, but that was it. Brushing our teeth together, getting married, and having a baby were not in those plans. And this town is always watching everyone as it is. So now they're watching us as a couple. Everything we do will be their business. They'll have our wedding planned out by tomorrow evening, if they haven't planned it already, that is. I love you and I believe you when you say you won't let me bolt. Being with you these past couple of months and having heard all about this life you want with me, I can't even see myself bolting anymore. I don't want to move too quickly, though. I'm not ready for marriage or a baby or anything like that. Not yet, at least. I want to enjoy being us for now. We have time, you know? Let's just live in the moment."
The two remained silent for a few seconds, then Luke cleared his throat.
"I never meant we have to do all that now," he said. "All I wanted was to tell you that I'm not going anywhere and that someday, when we're ready, I want that life with you. And everything it entails. And that's why you're not allowed to bolt from me. You're it for me, Lorelai."
"You're it for me too," she whispered.
He moved toward her, placing a kiss on her forehead. She rose back up and reclaimed her place in bed next to him.
"Are you ready for marriage?" she asked.
"I don't know," he replied. "I'm kind of like you. This time last year, my future was a single life in an apartment above my diner in which I make my living flipping burgers and, on occasion, close it to go fishing. I never really thought a wife and a house and kids would be factored into my life. But, honestly? Yes, I think I'm ready," he said. "Not that you have to be!" he added when the expression on her face turned to one of worry. "We'll take this as slowly as you want to go. I'm sure there are things I have yet to learn and prepare for anyway. You and I will cross that bridge when we approach it, okay?"
"Well now I feel like you're standing at the bridge waiting for me to catch up," she said dejectedly.
"That's not true."
"You're ready to marry me, Luke! Marry me! You want a wife and a house and babies and soccer games and I'm over here trying to figure out if I want blueberry or strawberry PopTarts tomorrow morning! How am I supposed to live with myself knowing that I'm selfishly making you put your life and your dreams on hold so that I can be ready to join you in them?"
"You're not making me put my life on hold," he assured her.
"Yes I am!" she argued. "There are plenty of beautiful, nice women out there who are ready to get married next week if given the chance. And they'll have you take them home and start procreating on the wedding night. You're going to pass up so many wonderful girls who are ready for that life while you're waiting for me to get my shit together."
"Didn't you hear what I said, Lorelai? I said that, before you, I never imagined myself as a husband or father. And, to this very second, I can't imagine myself as a husband or father with anyone besides you. I'm not going to be 'waiting around' for you. I'm going to be living our life right now to the fullest and, together, we will ready ourselves for whatever the future holds. But right now, in this moment, this is what I know. I know that I love you. I know that you're beautiful and smart and funny. I know that being with you is the only way I ever want to spend my time. I know that you make me happy and you make me laugh. I know that you make me strive to be a better man. And I know that, someday, when the time is right for both of us, I am going to make you my wife and the mother of my children. But that day isn't going to be until we are both ready. So, for now, you and I are going to live in the moment and enjoy each other. Because the most important thing is that I love being with you. And that's what really matters when all is said and done."
"Are you sure?" she asked, beginning to feel reassured.
"I'm absolutely positive."
"Okay," she accepted.
"You're the best," he said moving in to kiss her eyebrow.
"You're crazy," she replied.
"For you? Hell yeah."
They both laid down and turned onto their sides, tired and ready to sleep. But Luke still had one minor detail on his mind.
"Promise me something?" he pleaded.
"Anything," she breathed.
"When you are ready, will you tell me?"
"I'll have an airplane fly a banner over the town that says 'Luke, she's ready' and I'll have Kirk run circles around the town wearing a veil and yelling it."
"I think a simple 'Hey, Luke, I'm ready' would be just fine," he laughed.
"Now what kind of fun would that be?" she smiled mischievously.