Inside a Closet?
Within the Loud House there was a distinct shortage of individual rooms, while certainly the sole boy was blessed with one (currently empty as said boy was sourly taking a lukewarm shower after sister-related shenanigans). However the girls of the house were cursed to larger, but shared rooms that prompted regular conflicts and scuffles that contributed the near-weekly Dust Cloud Brawls that really should have sent multiple siblings to the hospital.
But blessed as they were with bodies perhaps toughened by years of withstanding such nonsense or simple genetics, the Loud girls did have one distinct advantage that their brother lacked; large closets. So large in fact that with the exception of Lucy and Lynn's, and Lori and Leni's smaller (but still substantial) models they were each the size of Lincoln's own room or bigger. A point occasionally brought up by the sole boy and equally commonly ignored whenever the girls complained about having to share.
Today that space was being put to good use by one Lori Loud, who carefully shut the doors on her and her sister's shared closet. Within she was a bit cramped thanks the small army's worth of clothes she and Leni had accumulated since hitting their teens (and getting jobs to pay for them), but there was just enough space for her to squidge down and do what she needed.
Phone and friend (The Third) in hand Lori Loud was prepared for her good time again; and unlike last time there wasn't going to be any nasty interruptions.
Leni was out shopping.
The room door was locked.
She was in a closet, where her clothes could hopefully muffle any squeaks from her lips she failed to repress and she had plenty of time fix herself up if somehow someone busted into the room anyway. There wasn't even a vent for Lucy peep through in here for whatever reason.
Even if things went tits up, Lori would be fine.
And it was with that sentiment that she popped the front of her shorts open, switched on her video (only one earbud in just in case!) and got to work.
And it was good.
Until the thumping started.
"Get off of me." Lucy growled.
"Not until you stop touching my stuff!"
"You left it on my side of the room."
They were arguing again.
The thin walls had no chance of stopping their words from piercing Lori's happy place. Repressing a sigh Lori spoke up; "CUT IT OUT YOU TWO OR I'M TAPING YOU TOGETHER AGAIN!"
Lori Loud was slightly done with their bullshit today.
"Fine." The two chorused, evidently remembering well the creative punishments that the Queen of the House had employed to dissuade the mob.
Shaking her head, Lori returned to her video in which a young man was being 'persuaded' to try something new by an older gentleman. The video had gotten to the wonderful close up on the younger man's face as the first invasion happened when-
"FREEWAY TO FREMONT!" Luna's voice rang out with accompanying cords. "YEAH! YEAH! I'M ON A FREEWAY TO-"
Lori snarled and paused the video, knowing full well her voice wouldn't ever rise above Luna's amp. Grabbing her tape she marched out, and returned a full five minutes later safely assured that Luna wouldn't be trying anything so Loud in the House for the remainder of the day.
She practically fell back down onto her backside and jammed both earbuds in this time. After Luna's concert for one their parents clearly weren't home (otherwise they'd have been there before her), so the only threat was the distractions 'offered' by her endless horde of smaller siblings.
No, now it was time for her joy. And what joy it was, watching the young man stop pretending that he wasn't enjoying himself and chocking when his mentor asked him just how straight he was now-
BANG!
A cloud of powdered plaster covered Lori's painstakingly cleaned hair and she froze.
"I'm still alive!" Lisa's voice called out.
Lori calmly closed her shorts up and looked back; the smoking wreckage of Lisa's latest experiment could be clearly seen through the new hole in the thin walls. Where it wasn't obscured by the tinted green fumes of course.
And the crispy remains of several outfits, dripping glowing fluid where they weren't charred.
By the time she finally finished both patching up Lisa with an almost bored looking Lincoln and screaming into a pillow Lori Loud was very much Not In The Mood. She was even less so when she remembered that she'd gone into the closet with a 'friend' and had evidently dropped it in shock from the explosion.
Not to worry though, she found it quickly enough.
A shame it was in a chemical puddle, pooling into the floor from the dripping remains of several weeks worth of expensive clothing.
Every semi-melted sparking bit of it in fact
Under a blanket?
"Uhh, Luna?" Lynn stared at Luna, her older sister was hunched over the stairs to look through the bannister railings at something. "Watcha' doing?"
"Shhh!" Luna hissed. "Keep it down!"
"Jeeze what's-"
"Just sit there," Luna pointed next to her, speaking in a whisper. Shrugging Lynn shoved her basketball under her armpit and knelt next to her. Luna then pointed at the couch. "Can ya See Leni?"
Lynn peered closer, from her angle it was a bit hard to see but… "yeah, she's watching that lame show again; so what?"
Leni Loud was indeed sitting on the couch, staring seemingly blankly at the Television screen as a parade of too-pretty-for-Lynn's tastes young men modelled the newest disasters that Leni called clothing. She didn't know anything about fashion -a fact she was practically proud of- but half the stuff they wore would tear off in a stiff breeze and the rest would probably give the guys in question the worst wedgies of their lives if they tried to run in them!
"Look at the blanket she's got." Luna motioned lower, and Lynn's eyes caught sight of the teal blanket the older girl had brought down. At first there was nothing odd about it, just a blanket to keep Leni's legs warm.
Then Lynn's eyes spotted the odd pulling and jerking movement near the golden-haired girl's crotch.
"No way," Lynn gasped. "Are you seein' what I'm-"
"Leni findin' her happy place?" Luna nodded with taking her eyes off the brazen display. "Yep, plain as day."
"And in the middle of the living room?" Lynn couldn't believe it. "Leni?"
Luna sighed, somehow sad. "I guess no one is innocent after all…"
Lynn was going to echo the sentiment, when movement from behind the front door windows caught her eyes. "Dude, Dad's at the door!"
Luna's eyes snapped to the door, confirming that their father's form could be seen fumbling at the door, probably getting his keys out. She looked at Leni, movement still clear under her blanket, then back to Dad, then back to Leni, then back to Dad.
"Oh shite."
"Dude what're we gonna do?" Lynn hissed. "If Dad sees her then Leni's going in that thing!"
Luna shuddered as the image of an utterly sad Leni trying to evade Lola's questions above why she was squirming, only to fumble at the stern expressions of their parents. Her tearful horror as she walked and the leather and metal pulled at all the worst places, the utter shame at being caught…
"Nah, nah, we gotta do somethin'," Luna resolved. "Leni can't go in that thing."
"Dad's turning the key!" Lynn hissed. "Go get Leni outta herself, I'm gonna distract him!"
The sporty sister dashed down the stairs as the door creaked open, leaving Luna without a chance to speak. Pulling herself together the musician walked down as casually as she could, it only a took a moment to reach Leni and her… 'active' blanket.
"Hey Leni…" oh sweet swagger how do I handle this? "You havin' fun there?"
"Oh totally!" Leni chirped, turning to face her without apparent embarrassment, her blanket still moving in odd ways that- Luna jerked her eyes away. "This is season is so fab; I'm totes gonna get Linky a girlfriend with these cute designs!"
Luna spared a glance at the T.V. Onscreen were a bunch of very pretty young men in what amounted to a thong and a sparkly leather jacket. She wasn't going to lie and say their glistening shaved thighs and swaying loosely contained bulges weren't giving her boy lovin' bits some tingles but-
Leni was thinking about putting Lincoln in that?
Leni was thinking about Lincoln in that while doing that?
Dang it, guess what they say about the ones you least expect it from- another jerk under the blanket cut off her thoughts.
"Okay no." Luna purged her brain as best she could. "Look Leni, Dad's right there- you gotta stop what you're doin' or you're gonna get the 'thing'!"
"What thing?" Leni titled her head.
Luna gaped, then groaned as she realised that as innocent as she was; Leni probably hadn't even heard of The Belt.
"Look, there this- there's a thing that they-" Luna fumbled. "Just stop okay; I know what you're doin', and I guarantee Dad will too!"
"Dad? Oooh do you think he'll want to join in?" Leni mused. "I'm not sure if he could pull off a thong though…"
Luna gagged at the image of her father, shaved and only in a thong and leather jacket- with Lincoln in a similar outfit next to him. In her mind she could see a Leni with a camera, her usual smile with a new lecherous tilt to her once innocent features:
"O! M! Gosh you guys!" A bit of drool escaped her lips. "You are totes the hottest things around…"
She laughed and refocussed the camera while her voice turned demonic; "NOW KISS!"
"Oh hi dad!" Luna was snapped out of her bile inducing nightmare as Leni waved to their father, apparently having spotted him in the meantime. Luna swivelled to see Dad bearing some shopping bags while being stalled by a visible sweaty Lynn.
Lynn froze, and Lynn Sr turned from his sporty daughter to give a tight smile. "Hello sweetheart, could you help me with these bags?"
"Sure!" Leni chirped, and reached under her blanket-
"No Leni wait," Luna hissed. "You can't touch the groceries with those hands-"
Lily popped up from under the blanket, giggling as Leni held her out to Luna. "Well of course not silly; I've got a Lily in them!"
Luna could feel Lynn's eyes boring into the back of her head. "… Right. That's what I was getting at."
Leni plopped the rambunctious baby into Luna arms. "Keep a good strong grip on her, she's been playful all morning!"
"Y-yeah, will do."
And with that Leni skipped over to their father and easily took the majority of the groceries into her absurdly strong arms. Luna dropped down into the warm space that Leni had vacated and a nonplussed Lynn came over to join her.
"I guess Leni is the real deal," Luna muttered, staring blankly at the screen "dang, I really thought…"
"I dunno, maybe she's just better at hiding it than us," Lynn shrugged, following Luna's eyes. "She's older than both of us, she's gotta be feeling 'it' you know."
"…"
"…"
"… You know these dude's ain't half bad once you get past the glitter-"
"I'm pretty sure none of them are straight."
"Doesn't matter if I'm just lookin'," Luna learned forward a bit. "Those undies are pretty loose too, think they'll pop a mooseknuckle?"
Lynn shrugged. "I dunno dude, besides; none of look like they could do a squat so there's probably nothin' worth seein-"
"Actually," The girls froze as Rita Loud's voice accompanied her hands grasping each of the girls by a shoulder. The girls craned their heads up as one to look upwards into their mother's disapproving visage, Lily giggling away. "I'd say they're as big as you could expect any athlete to be… sweethearts."
A Night Out:
Lori Loud had had a rough patch recently; first her big planned 'alone time' session out of the house had been aborted by bedbugs at the cheap Motel she had been staying at. Then her 'adventure' in the basement had been brought to a premature end by Leni's lockpicking skills, after which she spent an entire week in The Belt.
Finally her most recent 'deep dive' had been brought to an explosive end, resulting in the destruction of her 'friend' for the third time. Heavens only knew what the online store she got them from was thinking every time she ordered a replacement (whatever, they know what their customers are into).
But today was going to be different; not only was it not involving an expensive and easily lost/destroyed 'friend' into the mix, 'alone time' was off the table entirely.
No; tonight was a special occasion.
Tonight was when one Lori Loud was going to finally lose her virginity.
It was all planned, Bobby was going to meet her at a nice place downtown, then they'd move onto a hotel room (checked beforehand by herself and a friend to NOT be gross) where the deed would take place. From there she would emerge a woman unfazed by Luna's little barbs about seeing unicorns when she smelled the rocker's 'indulgences' and Luan's little cherry puns?
They'd never have weight against her again.
Her parents thought she was going out for a long night sleepover at Carol's for study and girl time, which as kind of true considering she learning 'something new' tonight and she'd have plenty to go over with Carol by midnight. Of course she wouldn't be getting to Carol's until midnight and by the time she left she'd have had plenty of time to freshen up and come home smelling like a rose.
It was all in place.
Except for two things.
Lori's hands swam through her underwear drawer, searching fruitlessly for her freshly (and embarrassingly) bought box of condoms and the one thing to complete the night. "Where are you dang it!?"
It was nearly seven, which would have been fine considering she was going to meet Bobby at nine; but somehow the special frilly bra and panties she'd gleefully dubbed 'The Bobby Special' were missing along with her birth control. "I know you're in here somewhere!"
"I don't think they are dear." Rita Loud's voice could have chilled stone.
Lori froze appropriately, and turned with a blank expression.
Just in her room were her parents, Luna half hidden behind them. The click from the coded lock must have gone off while she absorbed in her search-
"Lori, we would like to talk with you." Her father spoke a firm voice, "about these."
In his hands was her frilly… and slightly damp Bobby Special.
"Umm, I…" she felt her mouth dry up and no words erupted to explain or deflect.
Behind their parents, Luna's mouth gained little upturns at the tips of her lips- she was laughing at her!
"… They were a gift?" Lori finally warbled out.
"A gift?" Her mother flatly asked.
"Yeah, a gift." Lori quickly expanded. "A friend thought it would be funny to give me something like that a-and you know I would never actually wear something like-"
"You never wear these?" Her father raised the underwear in question.
"Literally never," Lori assured him.
Her mother gave her a pointed look, and Luna's little smile turned into a full smirk as Lori realised she'd forgotten the obvious; The Special was damp.
"So you just put them in the wash for no reason?" Her father queried.
"In the wash?" Lori's mind raced; there would be no way she would put them in the wash! Even if the fabric could take it the chances of it being found were-
Luna.
The musical sister was grinning like a cat who'd gotten into the cream. It suddenly occurred to her that Luna had been in while Lori was at work earlier, and that all it really took to get into her room was either fooling Leni or bribing one of the smaller siblings to go through the vents and open the door from the inside.
From there, finding The Special and washing it a bit, then acting like she'd 'found it' in the machine for some unrelated-to-messing-with-Lori reason would be easy.
"… It was sitting in my drawer for a while, I though it might get... mothy?" Her own voice betrayed just how stupid a story even she thought it was.
"Mothy?" Her mother looked insulted. Lori instantly felt the need to apologise for disrespecting her with such a stupid lie.
But there was nothing for it now but to roll with it, "y-yeah mothy, or you know; anything else it could get from sitting in the back of my drawer…"
She looked utterly disappointed in her, nearly as much as Lori felt in herself.
"Just sitting alone ever since I got them…"
Luna's cheeks were bulging with barely contained laughter.
"…. Since you know- I never use them for anything." Lori gave her best 'please believe me' grin.
Her parents jointly gave her a flat look, then her mother sighed. "We really wanted you to come clean with this on your own Lori."
Her mother was pulling something small and yellow from her pocket while Luna practically bounced on her heels; Lori's eye flicked to the girl and saw her twitching in anticipation.
What have you done-
Oh God no.
Her mother revealed a used tube of anti-fungal medicine.
Luna's lips practically looked like a 'U' for how far up their tips turned.
Lori's mouth dropped, but nothing came out.
"Luna came to us an hour ago while you were out," her father sighed. "Your mother and I know you're not a child anymore, trust us that after t-eleven children we understand 'adult' needs. And we're sorry to invade your privacy but we have to sure you're taking care of yourself; we looked through your room and while we didn't find any condoms we did find this in your part of the trash-"
Lori spluttered, "T-that's not min-"
"Lori," Mom's voice brooked no opposition. "We need to talk; now."
"We're not mad, but we need to know that you can take of yourself." Her father nodded, and Mom advanced.
"B-but," Lori looked between them, "Carol is expecting me soon-"
"Carol will understand if your parents needed to talk with you about this," Mom gently pushed to her a sitting position on the bed, and her father guided the suddenly stone faced Luna out of the room. "We won't be long anyway."
It was a very long conversation.
It ended at approximately ten pm, at which point all Lori could do was text Bobby and Carol apology texts with a broad and non-detailed version of the night's events. As she finished up her text, all she could do was wallow in her perpetually denied state, illuminated only by moonlight and accompanied by nothing save Leni's happy snores.
And a quiet knock at the door
She dragged herself up, opened it to find Luna staring at her with Lori's condoms in hand.
"How?"
"The tube wasn't prescription stuff, and Leni knows the code, so everyone does." Luna kept her voice down as she entered, handing off her box of condoms back to the older girl. "We just stay out ta not get Pretzled."
"And what is stopping me from doing that right now?" Lori growled.
"'Cause right now we're even," Luna gave her a casual grin. "For before you know, eye for an eye and all that.
But if you go and tip the scale again, I'm just gonna have to get creative and right them proper; you get what I'm sayin'?"
Lori galred at her; "do you know what tonight was Luna?"
"Hmm," Luna put a finger to her lips. "I dunno, I think I heard you talkin' ta Carol about… cherry picking-"
"Then you know how much this night meant to me," Lori advanced. "You know that it took a month to organise this-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Luna raised her hand placation. "But you know what; you started this. Up until then not one of us ever snitched on the other, but you did."
Luna's smile took on a hard edge, "sorry bruv, but I'm not the type to just take that kinda thing lyin' down."
Lori grit her teeth. "You were having sex in the middle of-"
"Chunk's van."
Lori was taken aback. "E-excuse me?"
"We were doin' it in Chunk's van, not in middle of a crowd." Luna folded her arms. "I'm pretty sure I mentioned that once or twice-"
"So you weren't ever-"
"We got handsy, but we're not stupid Lori."
Lori sighed, "well from all your bragging I sure wouldn't know that."
Luna seemed to think things over for a moment, "yeah well- look I might have implied a few things that could have given you the wrong impression; but tellin' on me's still not cool."
Lori rolled her yes, "well it doesn't matter now anyway; you already ruined my night. Just go to bed and… I won't snitch on you again. Just don't set me up again or I'll find something that'll make the Pretzel seem kind."
Luna clarified, "you're really not gonna welch from now on?"
"That is literally what I just said."
The musician nodded, "'kay well that's good enough for me, we should probably make it a rule or somethin' in the next meetin'."
"Wonderful idea," Lori smiled, then dropped any presence of good will. "Now seriously; get lost."