Gone Viral
Dear T-virus,
Listen, I know you're the new kid on the block, and you're feeling pretty chuffed about your first billion deaths, but we need to talk.
I get it, okay? We were all in your shoes once. Newly emerged pathogens, ready to see how much damage we could do, while having fun doing it. We were all raring to go, none more so than ever when animals and humans started getting all cozy. And yes, some of us did better than others, and some of us have been wiped out (RIP smallpox, we hardly knew ye), but you're not leaving anything for the rest of us. You're infecting everything and anything.
Don't think we don't know that you're manmade. Oh sure, Mister I'm Too Good to Evolve Naturally, we get it. Spliced together in a lab by some weirdos wearing white coats, whose company logo is named after an anti-rain utensil, yeah, we've all seen that a thousand times. And while you may think that the 100% Natural Movement is a bit passe, let me assure you, our lethalness has been certified. But even then, we knew our boundaries. We knew that if you kill everything, there'll be nothing left.
It's a stroke of genius, I grant you, to not only kill your victims, but have them do your dirty work. Usually when people spread me around, they either cough, or sneeze, or wipe their hands on surfaces. It's made even easier when my hosts refuse to wear masks. But, well, have you noticed that the trees are dying? That the flowers are wilting? That rivers are drying up? FFS, how do you even do that? And...
Oh, I see. You've now got 2 billions hits. Whoopee do, Mister New Kid.
Anyway, slow down, or we're coming for you.
Sincerely,
Influenza
(PTO for other viral signatories)