Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't published anything sooner. Suffered from a case of writer's block and I wanted to put a lot of thought into this chapter and wanted to write the characters with as much respect and care as I see them.
Happy anniversary to the series premiere of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. The show that inspired me to become a writer. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave a comment and give me your honest respectful opinion.
(Brief mention of suicide and self-harm)
Kora slowly woke up to the morning sunlight streaming on her face. At some point during the night, she fell asleep reading Deke's journal, going through his journal entries, and letters he wrote for each member of the team. She lifted herself up onto the bed, wiping her eyes of sleep as she stared at the sunlight streaming from the balcony despite the curtains covering the doors.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Her head turned automatically towards the door.
"Hey Kora, are you up yet?"
She jolted upright, recognizing Daisy's voice at the door. "Yeah um, just a minute!" She got out of bed, hiding Deke's journal under her pillow before making her way across the room, pulling the door open and giving Daisy a bright smile. "Hey." She greeted her.
"Hey. sorry if I woke you, I thought you'd already be up now." Daisy said as she pointed towards the sunlight reflecting off of the curtains of the balcony door.
"Oh, no it's fine. I guess I overslept last night." Kora told her, trying to sound as bright as possible.
Daisy nodded, eyeing at Kora's wrinkled clothes from yesterday she clearly slept in. "Mind If I come in?" She asked her.
"Yeah, sure." Kora answered, stepping aside and letting Daisy in, closing the door right afterwards.
"Are you doing okay?" Daisy asked her, poorly-concealed worry and concern in her eyes. Or, maybe she wasn't even trying to hide it.
"Yeah, of course." Kora assures her. "I just needed some sleep, that's all." She quickly eyed the pillow that Deke's journal was under, then back at Daisy. "Um, shouldn't we go meet Daniel for breakfast?" She motioned towards the door behind her.
"Can we talk first, please?" Daisy asked politely, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Yeah, sure." Kora replied, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed with her. There was a long silence with both of them sitting there, looking at each other.
"Look," Daisy began softly, "I know that yesterday was a little um… unbelievable, to say the least. I just want to make sure that you're doing okay."
"Yeah, it was." Kora agreed, maintaining eye contact. "To be honest, I-I guess yesterday did kind of shook me a little. The way he arrived, and the fight we had down in the hangar, I-I guess it made sense that the first thing he would assume when he saw me was that I was the enemy."
"Kora.."
"No, it's-It's alright. I understand, I do." Kora said, forestalling Daisy with a hard swallow around the ever-expanding lump in her throat. She blinked rapidly, giving off a light sigh. "I still remember him clearly as I first saw him on the mothership. I remember the fear in his eyes when he looked back at me. I know he was afraid of me when he first saw me, so it's honestly not a surprise that he would be afraid of me again when he returned."
"Is that why you didn't come with us when we went into the room Deke was in? Because you were afraid of how he would react if he saw you again?"
Kora ducked her head at the question, her expression briefly obscured by a curtain of her dark hair. She barely managed to shake her head before looking down at her hands.
"You know what happened wasn't your fault right? Nathaniel made you do all those things-"
"Nathaniel didn't 'make' me try to kill you guys on the mothership. In fact, he told me specifically not to confront you. To let you three escapee so that you could lead them to Fitz as soon as Simmons remembered where he was."
"He still took advantage of you, Kora. He manipulated you into doing whatever he wanted you to do for his benefit."
"That still doesn't change the fact that I tried to kill you and your team." her hands trembled in her lap, her fingernails bit deep into her palm. "It doesn't change the fact that I got everyone in Afterlife hurt or killed when he drained their blood to steal their powers. That I killed someone with my hands. That I-" Kora broke off, feeling a strange, but all too familiar tightness building in her face as she tried to suppress the tears building up in her eyes. Her next words she muttered more than a whisper. "That I mom killed."
Daisy placed and grabbed Kora's hand. "You didn't get our mom killed Kora. your not responsible for her-"
"But I am, Daisy." Hot tears filled her eyes as she flashed up to meet Daisy's, pulling her hand back. "Nathaniel may have snapped her neck, but the truth is, she wouldn't have died the way that she did if I had pulled the trigger on myself that day." She turned away from Daisy as tears began leaking out of her eyes. They were both silent for a moment, another wave of grief washing over her.
"Do you remember what I told you, about… about Lincoln?" Daisy asked her, her voice falling into a gentle whisper, breaking the silence.
Kora nodded in acknowledgement, still not looking up.
"It-It hurt when Lincoln… sacrificed himself to save me, to save everyone. And I hated myself for a long time. I hated myself for not being on that Quinjet that day. I thought I didn't deserve to live, and for a while… I-I wanted to end all of the pain I felt deep inside, by throwing myself into situations in which I thought I would die, while also doing some good before I go."
Kora's breath hitched, and she shut her eyes, tears leaking out and down towards her cheek. After a moment, she looked up and met Daisy's eyes, recognizing the same grief and hurt in her eyes. "How did you do it? How were you able to move on from all of that?" Kora eventually asked her.
She noticed Daisy's eyes watering up as she took a moment to answer. "Honestly… I-I haven't fully moved on entirely. I still deal with that pain and guilt and self-hate every single day. I don't think it'll ever leave me, but I don't let it consume me anymore. It hasn't been easy for me, but despite everything I've been through, the truth is, I wouldn't exchange the life I currently have for anything else. I'm glad to have people that I can call family in my life. I'm glad to have you and Daniel in my life, and I'm glad to be in yours." She grabbed Kora's hand again, holding tightly. "What happened back then wasn't your fault. Our mom loved you Kora, and she wouldn't have wanted you to spend the rest of your life hating yourself. She would have wanted you to be happy and live your life."
Kora reached out towards her and hugged her tightly. Daisy held her tightly, hugging her back. "We'll always be here for you, Kora." Daisy assured her quietly.
"I know." Kora whispered. When they pulled back, Kora took a deep breath and wiped the tears off her face and eyes. "Thank you, Daisy."
Daisy wiped her eyes, then gave a soft smile. "So, do you still want to have some breakfast?"
"Yeah, of course." Kora said with a wide smile. "Wouldn't want to keep Danny-boy waiting downstairs, would we?"
Daisy rolled her eyes. "Hey only I get to call him that." She told her. They both got up together, and Daisy began walking towards the door.
"Oh um, you go on without me. I just need a minute to freshen up." Kora told her.
"Okay, see you downstairs." Daisy said before heading towards the door. As soon as Daisy closed the door and left, Kora exhaled, then wiped her eyes again before turning back around and reaching for the pillow on the bed. She grabbed Deke's journal and put it in her jacket pocket before making her way and leaving the room, catching up with Daisy at the elevator doors.
Deke lifted himself onto the bed, listening closely at the number of people passing by outside his closed room. He guessed that there weren't that many people down here in the hospital section now that it was nearly noon, which means that he could probably sneak out of the room without anyone noticing.
He lifted off the covers on the bed, poking his legs out and staring down at the floor for a moment. He sucked his breath as his bare feet touched the cold solid floor before lifting himself up from the recliner bed and placed his left hand against the wall to help himself stand properly.
He removed the wires connected to the heart monitor and the IV attached to his arm. He managed to walk a few feet towards the door, then Deke nearly lost his balance when the door opened and doctor Williams entered the room. "Ah, I see you are able to stand on your own two feet again again, Mr. Shaw."
Deke stammered. "Oh, uh, hey doc. I was just uh-"
"No need for an explanation, Mr. Shaw. I do, however, need you to lay back down for a minute, please." The doctor insisted.
Deke walked back over and lay back down up against the recliner bed. He lifted his arms up and Williams placed the heart monitor back on his chest "You're not going to take any more of my blood, are you doc?" Deke asked.
The doctor placed the IV back on his arm. "No, on the contrary, I actually got the results of the blood test we did last night."
Deke's eyes widened. "What do they say?" He asked.
He took out the tablet he had brought with him. "So far, nothing unusual has been found in your blood or cells again like before. We're still going to have to continue doing some tests and monitoring after your physical exams, but if everything continues to go well as they are, you might be able to go back out in the world after three day."
"Three days?" Deke shouted, then lowered his voice. "Why can't I just go right now if everything's alright with me?"
"It's just a precaution to be absolutely sure that everything will be alright once you're ready to leave." The young doctor explained. "You were apparently 58 years old when you made an experimental time jump that brought you here and reversed your age back to 33. Aren't you curious about how something like that could be possible?"
Deke clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes down on the bed. Of course he was curious about how that could have happened, but he wasn't going to admit that to the doctor if that meant staying even longer in a hospital bed.
"Hi Deke." He glanced back up, and his eyes widened as Daisy stood outside the room.
"Uh hi… Hi, Daisy."
Daisy smiled and took a few steps across the threshold into the room, causing his heart to beat slightly fast. "Everything okay here doc?" Daisy asked Doctor Williams.
"I was just explaining to Mr. Shaw here that if everything continues to go well with his physical exams, he might be ready to be back out into the world sooner than expected." The doctor explained to her.
"Is he allowed to have any visitors at this time?" Daisy asked.
"Of course, agent Johnson." doctor Williams replied. He checked the heart monitor, and Deke noticed him turning it off before tilting his glasses. "I'll give you two some time to catch up." He shot a wide eye and curved smile at Deke before walking away and leaving the room.
"How are you feeling?" Daisy asked him, stepping closer before she sat down on a chair near the bed. He couldn't help but notice her green jacket. The necklace and jewelry she had around her neck. And her hair which is darker than blonde now than the last time he saw her. "Are you in any pain or-"
"No, um, I–I'm fine, really." He cleared his throat, shifting back up against the recliner bed. "Honestly, this isn't as bad as the first time I've been in a hospital bed." At least he wasn't high on morphine this time. "I uh, I-I like the new look you have. I think it suits you."
Daisy smirked back at Deke. "Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself for someone who was 58 years old yesterday."
Deke chuckled, covering part of his face with his left hand. "Yeah, uh, I am just as stunned as you are. And I'm supposed to be as smart as Fitzsimmons. Oh, how are they, by the way?"
"They're doing good." Daisy answered. "They've officially retired from S.H.I.E.L.D. got a cabin together, and are raising your mom right now."
Deke's eyes widened, taken aback at the news. "My mom?" He asks in a low voice. "Does that mean she's already-"
"Yeah," Daisy nodded. "Yeah, she was actually like, 5 years younger when we first met her, if you can believe that."
"Do-do they know that I'm here?" He asked her.
"Yeah, I gave them the news last night." Daisy replied. "It was a lot for them to process at first, but they're glad to hear that you're back."
"Hey, it's not like I'm the craziest thing you guys have ever encountered."
"Yeah, true. But most have never appeared in the middle of a S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters guns blazing."
"Yeah, sorry about that." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't have any idea where I was until I saw the S.H.I.E.L.D. Logo on the wall. Oh! Um, there was this uh," He lightly tapped his forehead with his fingertips together. "There was this woman that was down there in the hangar when I arrived in Zephyr one. I can't remember exactly what she looked like."
"Yeah," Daisy raised an eyebrow and nodded, leaning back on the chair. "Yeah, Kora was down there when you arrived. She's actually the one you had that firefight with yesterday."
"Kora?" Deke asked Her, confused. Then his mouth fell open briefly and eyes widened. "Oh! um, Kora, your sister, right?" Daisy nodded. "I swear I didn't recognize her when I arrived. Is-is she here? In the building?"
"No. She's with Sousa right now." Daisy answered. "They're doing some sight-seeing in the city together."
"Look Daisy, I promise I will apologize to her as soon as I get out of here."
"Okay Deke, you don't have to give yourself a panic attack." Daisy tells him. "You just got back, and even a healthy person in their thirties can have panic attacks."
"I'm serious, Daisy."
"I know you are. Which is why I am saying that you can apologize to her after you get discharged, okay? Your well-being is important too."
"It's just… I didn't mean to scare your sister like I did." He tells her. "She's probably thinking that I still want to kill her. Does she? I mean, how is she? If you don't mind me asking?"
"She's doing okay." Daisy answered. " She's taking a break for a little while. Yesterday caught us all a bit off. But, she's tougher than she looks."
"Still. I am sorry." He said, abashed.
"You can tell her once you get out of here, Deke." Daisy assured him. "And maybe afterwards, we can all get some drinks together."
Deke smiled, despite still feeling guilty. "Okay. I'm looking forward to it. You know, I had to wait until 1993 in order to get a bottle of Zima?"
Daisy's lips curved into a smile. "What, you didn't like any other drink that wasn't lemon-lime infused soda straight-off?"
"Hey, it's not that I didn't like any of the other beers or hard stuff back then, it's just…" He tilted his head slightly. "Yeah, I really didn't like any of the other drinks back then."
Daisy laughed, almost leaning over on the chair and breaking into a smile. It was beautiful, and Deke couldn't help but smile back as he captured this moment in his head. He missed her so much, but at this precise moment, he had forgotten how to speak.
Maybe now was a good time to bring up what he had been wanting to tell her for years now? He held his breath, hoping to find the courage within himself to tell her how he felt-how he still feels about her, after so long.
"Daisy-" He took a deep breath, his heartbeat quickening. "There's something I actually want to tell you."
"Okay," Daisy said, a bit confused but still looking at him. What followed was a deafening and a kind of long silence, unable to find the right words.
"I…I-"
The deafening long silence was broken up by a phone ringing in the room. Daisy reached in her pocket for her phone. "I'm sorry, I have to take this. I'll probably just take a minute." She got up from the chair. "I'll be right back, Deke." He watched as she walked away and left the room, leaving the door open.
He let out a frustrated breath. Okay, he really didn't think this through, even after years of imagining this moment. Why is this so hard? Just tell her how you feel. Maybe she'll feel the same way.
He heard Daisy laughing outside the room, and he couldn't help but listen closely. "Alright, see you guys when you get here. I love you too, Danny-boy. Bye."
I love you too, Danny-boy.
Those words rang so clearly in his head, and yet he felt he had gone deaf as his mind could no longer hear the miniscule footsteps of Daisy as she walked back in the room. Nor whatever Daisy was saying to him as she sat back down on the chair. All he could seem to hear and feel was the rampant beating of his heart, now sinking into his chest and a deafening silence.
"Deke? You Okay?"
Deke came back to himself with a jolt to find Daisy staring at him with a mixture of confusion and concern.
"What?" He asked her, his voice slightly cracked, but he cleared his throat and tried to speak soberly. "What did you say?"
"You wanted to tell me something?" Daisy asked him, her eyes fixed on his.
"Sorry, I…" He shook his head, blinking rapidly. "I couldn't help but overhear. You and Sousa? Are you two..?"
"Yeah, um, we've been… we've been together for over a year now." Daisy said, smiling and nodding.
"Do you…" Deke began hesitantly, afraid of the answer to the question he was about to ask. But he forced himself to ask anyway, needing to know after another few seconds of silence. "Do you love him?"
This time, Daisy smiled wide, almost like she couldn't help herself. "Yeah. Yeah, I really do." She chuckled in delight. "It's crazy, I know. But… it just feels right, you know? Have you ever felt like that about someone?"
Only about you. Deke thought, but didn't say.
That's when he sees it. Sousa, who he had only really known for less than a week, had somehow managed to bring out a side of Daisy that he had never seen before. A side to her that shined bright and radiant, like a distant distinct star in the galaxy. A side that looked forward to the future instead of clinging to the past. A side that was happy, and hopeful, something that was all Deke ever really wanted for her.
"Sorry um, enough about my love life. You wanted to say something to me?"
He can't tell her now. And, to be honest, he doesn't even want to anymore. She's so clearly happy and is so obviously in love with Sousa. "I'm just…" he says, searching for something else to say. "I'm really glad to be back here, among friends." He tells her. "I'm happy for you and Sousa. You deserve happiness, Daisy. After… everything you've been through."
"You've been through a lot too, Deke. You didn't have to stay behind, but you did. And we weren't really the nicest to you when you arrived in the present. Yet you chose to help us anyway. I really, really appreciate everything you've done for the team. And so does everybody else." She got up from the chair and stepped closer to lean down, her arms closing around him, and he hugs her back without a second thought. "We've missed you."
I've missed you too. Deke thought, but didn't tell her. He pressed himself gently into her shoulder, closing his eyes as he fought to suppress the tears building up in his eyes.
Tap tap tap. "Excuse me," They broke apart as doctor Williams came into the room, and Deke thankfully took the moment to wipe his eyes before she could notice. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but we're going to have to get Mr. Shaw ready for his physical exam today."
"Of course." Daisy nodded to the doctor. "I was just about to leave." She turned back towards Deke and gave him a soft smile. "Take care, Deke. We'll see you when you get out."
Deke nodded, giving her a wide smile without saying a word. He watched as Daisy began walking away and leaving the room.
Doctor Williams slowly approached the bed after she left. "You feeling alright, Mr. Shaw?"
Deke didn't respond, staring momentarily at the wall outside the room. He dropped his head down on the bed.
"I take it your little reunion with agent Johnson went well."
Deke glanced up at Doctor Williams, who was standing right next to the heart monitor. "Yeah, um…" He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I guess you can say that."
"Is she an ex-girlfriend of yours?" The doctor asked him.
Deke scoffed softly. "No, no. She's… she's just a friend." he said.
"Well, my patients' heart rates don't usually rise when they lay eyes on someone they consider just a friend to them."
Deke's eyes widened, then he watched as the doctor pushed a button on the monitor and that familiar rhythmic sound from the machine came back on. "But, how…?
"Your increased heart rate caused the monitor to be just slightly loud, if you weren't aware. So, I turned it off so that it wouldn't be making any… distractions, during your conversation with her."
"But, Isn't that against the rules here or something?"
"In certain cases such as yours, yes." doctor Williams answered.. "But would you rather she had noticed your heart rate increasing when she hugged you?"
Deke didn't say a word. "Thanks, doc. I-I don't know how I could repay you."
"No repayment needed, Mr. Shaw." Doctor Williams said. Just as he removed the wires connected to the heart monitor, a nurse came in bringing in a wheelchair. "Now, let's get you ready for your physical exam."
"Do I have to be in that the whole time?" Deke asked, pointing to the wheelchair.
"Not the whole time, just the time to take you back and forth to the exam room and back here." The doctor explained. "It's just precaution, Mr. Shaw."
Kora gripped the small dark brown leather journal as she rode the elevator alone up towards the director's office. After spending some time sight-seeing in D.C. with Daniel, she decided that she should turn over Deke's journal to Mack. She didn't really give Daniel much of an explanation other than that she wanted to talk to Mack about something she left out from yesterday.
The elevator reached its destination, and Kora took a deep breath before crossing the threshold, making her way into the director's office. She walked across the large room that was big enough to make its own floor of the building, then stopped in her tracks as she saw a blonde woman and a man she didn't quite recognize sitting in his office and getting up from their chairs almost as soon as they saw her.
"Oh! I'm sorry, if this is a bad time-"
"No no, of course not." Mack got up from his chair and walked around his large glass desk. "Kora, I would like you to meet Barbara Morse, and Lance Hunter."
"Please, just call me Bobbi." She extended her right hand out to Kora, and Kora put the journal in her left hand before reaching her right hand and shaking Bobbi's.
"Bobbi Morse? I've heard a lot about you." She turned to Hunter. "And you too, Hunter."
"What can I say, I have a certain charm that nobody can forget." Hunter said, and Bobbi lightly punched him on the arm and smiled. "Ow! I'm just saying."
"If this really is a bad time, then I can come back later." Kora told the director.
"No, don't worry. It's alright." Bobbi said. "We were just about to leave." She turned towards the director. "Thanks for inviting us here, Mack. we'll think about your offer."
"It was good seeing you again, mate." Hunter said to Mack.
"It's nice to finally meet you, Kora." Bobbi said. "We should get together sometime. You, me and Hunter, Daisy and her new boyfriend I've heard so much about."
"Yeah, um, yeah that sounds nice." Kora agreed. Bobbi and Hunter walked away together across the large office until they were no longer in the room.
"So, what can I do for you, Kora?" Mack asked, standing behind his desk.
"I uh, I wanted to give you this." She handed Mack the journal. "I found it yesterday in the hangar. It belongs to Deke."
He took it in his hand and examined it for a few seconds. "Why didn't you turn this over after you found it?" He asked her.
"I did not know it was his until this morning." she said. She looked down. "Yesterday was… confusing, And I only realized that it was Deke's after I woke up this morning and took a closer look at his initials on the front."
"I see," Mack said. "How are you doing?"
"I'm doing fine, sir." Kora told him.
"Well, I'll make sure he gets this back once I visit him today." He assured her.
Kora shifted her weight. "Can you also… not tell him that I'm the one who found it?" She asked him. "I-I don't want to give him the impression that I might have gone through his journal. Not that I would-I mean, but… I-I just don't want him to think so."
"I see," Mack said, an entirely different tone to his voice. She shifted her eyes; She doesn't think he suspects she actually went through it. "I promise that I won't tell him that you found it. I'll just tell him that an agent found it and anonymously turned it over, in case he ever asked."
"Thank you, sir." She said, before turning around and hastily walking towards the elevator.
"Kora, wait." Mack called. Kora froze, not turning for a few seconds; He knows. He somehow knows. No, no, he doesn't. He couldn't.
She slowly turned back around. "Yes sir." She said, forcing her lips into a smile.
"Yesterday was indeed unexpected." He said. "If you ever need someone more… professional to talk to, S.H.I.E.L.D. Has a number of counselors you can reach out to if you want. And you don't have to call me sir every time we see each other. You can call me Mack if it's easier for you."
"Thank you." Kora nodded, Then she continued making her way across the office and made it towards the elevator doors. She felt a sense of relief as she stood at the door waiting for them to open.
Happy anniversary to the series premiere of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Tell me what you thought and leave a comment. I would love to hear some of the reasons why you love the show so much and what are your favorite moments from the series.