Loki hasn't done this 'hero' thing for very long. In fact, he wouldn't say he'd been doing it at all. He was just living, not following anyone else's rules, not listening to anyone else's opinions of who he should be, of what he should be doing. He was living his life for himself, not the kingdom that denied him, or the father who rejected him, the mother he lost, or the brother who wanted so much from him.
Sometimes that was easy, looking for trouble and following his own path, his own rules. But sometimes, every path before him blurred until he was lost in the space between who he is and who he used to be. Hero, villain, savior, murderer, good, evil, he didn't know where he belonged, or what he was. What he did know was what he was good at. Tricking people, manipulation, illusions, and playing the part.
So when he saw Tony Stark rounding the corner, a few seconds was all he needed before instinct kicked in and he was shifting, becoming a different face, a different person, until Stark looked up and only saw what Loki wanted him to see; Steve Rogers standing outside of Peter's room.
Tony walked up with a cellphone in hand, eyeing Loki/Steve with a hard stare, which Loki immediately filed away for later. Loki could hear Peter next to him, still just inside his room, sputtering a bit as he stared at Loki's newest illusion.
Loki had no time to warn him as Tony finally stepped up, glancing away from Loki/Steve to take in the gawking Peter, "Peter…" Tony raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them, "I was wondering if I could borrow you?"
"Oh, um actually, I uh-", Peter was stumbling, his gaze flicking wildly between the two of them, and Loki tried desperately to send an encouraging look his way, but he was pretty sure it came off more aggressive than anything, so Loki changed tactics and did what he does best; manipulate.
"Actually, Tony." Loki's voice comes out in Steve's steeley tone, channeling all of that righteousness that he knows drives Tony crazy. And just like clockwork, Tony's gaze flicks over to Loki/Steve, their eyes meet in a heated moment of matching looks. Tony, daring him to go there, daring him to even try to issue a challenge, and Steve; refusing to be intimidated, refusing to ever back down. "I think Peter could use a break."
"A break from what exactly?" A muscle in Tony's jaw flexed, his eyes still fixed in a silent match between the two.
"A break from everything, Tony." Loki said it just right, enough to leave a message hanging in the air, a break from you.
A vicious smile cut across Tony's face, and Loki knew he had hit the nerve just right, and he fought his own smile of satisfaction as he held the disguise, bracing for a fight to come.
"I don't recall you being in charge of my schedule, Cap." Tony spoke the last word like an insult, flinging it at the ground between them. "I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to talk to whomever I choose, whenever I want to."
"Yeah, that sounds about right, what's best for everyone else doesn't matter when it comes to what Tony fucking Stark wants.."
"Uh, guys?" Peter's uncertain voice cut through the heavy tension, and both of them felt it, but still they didn't break away from the other's hard gaze.
"Trust me, Rogers, you have no idea what I want." Something flashes behind Tony's eyes, a brief light that's gone before Loki can even interpret it.
"Okay okay, it's fine, I'll uh, I can talk with Tony it's fine, just stop fighting." Peter's voice was tight and a little too high.
Loki finally pulled his gaze from Tony's, flicking his eyes to Peter's, still holding his mask in place. He gives a nod, trying to give some encouragement through Steve's eyes. "Okay, but you should get some rest soon."
Loki watches Tony roll his eyes, "Isn't there a nursing home you're meant to be at or something?"
Loki gives a half hearted glare in response, then looks over to hold Peter's gaze for another few seconds, taking in the way he's moving his hands like he doesn't know what to do with them, shifting his weight back and forth and eyeing both of the guys in front of him. The way Peter constantly gets flustered and nervous is kind of amusing, Loki thinks absently before turning and heading down the hallway, leaving them to their conversation.
Loki heads down the hall, casting one last glance over his shoulder and see's Peter awkwardly wave at him, and Loki can't help himself as he gives him another mischievous grin just before turning the corner.
As soon as Loki feels he's a safe distance away, he shifts back to himself. Feeling his hair grow against his neck and he cracks his neck lightly as the muscles lighten and change back to his own lean limbs.
He walks through the mostly empty corridors of the Avengers Tower, early morning light coming through some of the occasional windows, and the nights events drift through his mind. It was surprisingly easy to let go of everything and just relax for a while, ignore life for a bit. But in the expansive halls of unfamiliar territory, the silence seeping from the walls, the haze of sleepiness starting to settle into him, Loki was starting to let the world seep back in, his mind wandering of its own volition.
Images that are burned into Loki's mind springing to life behind his eyes, a light smile with bright blue eyes, full of life and love, a desire to be great, and an insecurity that he never will be. Loki feels a sharp pang in his chest, a constant ache.
He found his room soon, stumbled inside and checked the place out for the first time. His gaze barely registered any of it though, his mind still fighting to pull him under, the wave of darkness that seems to be his only companion these days, crashing against his restraints.
Loki can feel his muscles, tight with exhaustion, and his mind was not far off. He leans his hands against the cold counter island in the little kitchen and glares at the bed across the room. The place is set up like a little studio apartment, small kitchen, little dining area, bed off to the side, with a closed off bathroom.
Loki leaned his head down against the cool counter, letting his eyes slide close, and tried to focus on the biting cold against his forehead, but as soon as the darkness settles around his vision, he can feel the blood on his hands, hear his own voice shouting in his ears, he sees the young boy moving, and Loki is stuck, he can't move he can't do anything, he screams.
Loki jerks his head up, eyes opening and he stalks his way over to the bathroom, scowling at the bed as he finds his way into the shower instead.
Tony stepped out of Peter's room not much longer after he'd gotten there, just needing a bit of info on some of the bad guys he'd taken down lately. He'd thought about broaching the Loki subject again, wanting to try and explain that he was really just trying to protect the kid, and not even necessarily from Loki, as much as Tony absolutely didn't trust the trickster, it wasn't even about that. But Tony took one look at Peter, his yawning and his heavy eyelids and decided they could talk more later.
Tony looked over his phone as he walked the familiar halls, rearranging some files and adding some of the new info he'd gotten. Tony wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing until he looked up and realized he was standing right outside of Steve's room.
Tony swore under his breath, turning to leave immediately, when FRIDAY's voice came from above, "Sir, should I let Roger's know that you're at his door?"
Tony visibly grimaced and looked up at the ceiling, cursing every AI in the entire world, and he is positive FRIDAY did that on purpose. And when Steve's door opens and he pokes his head out, looking like he just rolled out of bed, Tony is silently threatening to completely reprogram FRIDAY.
"Tony? Is everything alright?" He runs a hand through his tousled hair, and god dammit Tony can feel his gut twist because sleepy Steve is a sight to behold, and his tone is concerned and warm, and Tony quickly pushes past the thought, focusing instead on how infuriating the man is.
"Everything's peachy, Sleeping Beauty, go back to bed, we can talk later." he turns to leave, hoping to cut this whole disaster short, but then there's a hand on his arm, pulling him up short.
"Wait Tony, what did you want?" Steve sounds so genuine, so concerned, and so very different from the pissed off version Tony saw earlier.
Tony turns and finds Steve looking at him, searching his face for something, those blue eyes meeting his own. Tony's mind flashes back for a second, to Steve standing over him, face a mess, breathing labored, his shield sticking out of Tony's chest.
He feels his jaw tighten at the memory, pulling back a step from Steve and absentmindedly rubbing at his chest. Tony has had a long time to get over it all, and he has mostly, the fights, the accords, Bucky. Tony's made a lot of bad choices, bad calls throughout his lifetime, and at least half of them haunt him at night, all the people he's hurt, all the people he's gotten killed. He has wrestled for a long time between understanding Steve and being betrayed, knowing he was just trying to do what he thought was right, always trying to do what's right, and yet...
"Why are you pushing so hard for Peter to have a playdate? Especially considering it's with a known criminal." The words are coming out before Tony has even finished the thought.
Steve's eyebrows bunch together in annoyance, his eyes squinting at Tony like he can't believe they're talking about this right now. "Why are you so incapable of trusting or forgiving people?"
The words hit Tony hard, and he's giving a humourless laugh, already regretting ever bringing it up, "Maybe when people stop proving me right." The words come out bitter on his tongue.
"Tony, I-" Steve starts, but Tony knows that look, he knows that tone, and he can't. He can't stand here and listen to Steve explain why he had to do it, he had to help Bucky, how he had to do something, how he can't just sit on the sidelines when someone needs help.
"I really can't convey just how much I don't want to hear your Moral Obligations Schtick right now." Tony snaps before Steve can continue, feeling like all the carefully buried emotions are churning under his skin, howling with the desire to spill out.
Steve lets out a hard sigh, his gaze burning with something as he stares right back at Tony. "What do you want from me, Tony?" His voice is hard and loud, he looks just as mad as Tony feels, and he's glad for it, glad that he's not the only one feeling torn up.
"I want a lot of things Cap, world peace, that would be pretty great, maybe a team that knew how to pick up after themselves, but from you?" Tony doesn't remember doing it, but suddenly he's standing right in front of Rogers, close enough that he can make out the flecks of green in his eyes, and he can feel his breath brushing against skin, "I want you to stop pretending that nothing happened, like you didn't leave, like you didn't choose him over-" Tony breaks off abruptly, breath coming hard.
Steve studies him closely, the anger gone but some sort of heat still searing in his blue eyes, "Choose him over what, Tony?" Steve asks softly.
Tony feels like they're on the edge of something, some sort of tipping point, and he doesn't know what's on the other side, doesn't know if he even wants any part of it, but with Steve staring at him like that, he feels like it's a challenge, a race to see who will back down first. And Tony is a stubborn mother fucker.
"You choose him over me, Rogers, god damn. I was your friend too, I-" Tony rubs a hand over his face, feeling everything inside of him twisting and hating himself for it.
"And I came back, Tony. You called, and I answered, and I stayed." Tony looks up to see an earnest look on Steve's face, and it honestly makes him want to punch him in his stupid perfect teeth.
"God you are so fucking annoying." Tony bites out, eyes catching on his smooth lips.
"And you're an asshole." Steve says it with a glint in his eye that makes a puddle of heat start in the bottom of Tony's gut. They're just standing there, breathing hard and crowded in each others space, and Tony watches those blue eyes glance over his face, marking a trail from his own eyes down to his mouth, and Tony doesn't know how it happens, he's not sure who moved first, but suddenly their mouths are sliding against each other.
Steve's tongue is tracing Tony's bottom lip lightly, and his hand is running through his hair, scratching lightly against his scalp as they press into each other. It's all so much, and yet it's not enough at the same time, Tony is working hard to focus on the feel of Steve's waist under his hands, refusing to let his thoughts surface beyond the lean muscle under his fingers, beyond the light groans of pleasure coming out of his own mouth.
Steve is pulling his hair lightly, and now there are teeth against lips and they're moving, Steve is pulling him through the door, and closing it behind him, and now he's got Tony up against it, pinning him in with his own body, pressing up flush against him. Steve's mouth leaves his own and starts trailing across Tony's jaw, leaving open mouth kisses and he starts biting at his neck lightly, breathing hard into Tony's ear, causing a moan to escape his lips before he can think better of it.
"God, Tony." Steve moans into Tony's ear, Steve Fucking Rogers moaning his name, and the reality of the situation seems to catch up with him, permiating the fog of Tony's mind. Tony stops in his tracks, pulling his hands away from Steve's waist, and the feeling in the air seems to shift with the movement, Steve picks up on it and takes a step back.
Both of them are just standing there in the sudden quiet, their laboured breathing the only real sound in the room. Tony's mind is trying to catalog the sight in front of him, Captain America with messy hair and swollen lips from kissing, looking at him with concern, and maybe something else that Tony can't make out, and it just doesn't make sense.
Nothing about this makes any sense to him, from the desperate and rumpled version of Steve standing there in front of him, looking impossibly vulnerable, so opposite from the self righteous hero he knows, down to his own erection straining against his jeans.
"Tony?" Steve's voice cuts through the room softly, but it still feels like a gunshot to Tony's ears. He can't do this, he can't handle any of this right now.
"I don't know what game you're playing Rogers, but be careful you don't start something you can't finish."
And with that, he turns and walks out of the room, not looking back. And when he lies awake at night, images playing in his mind of Steve's mouth against his, and the way those strong hands felt in his hair, or the way his name sounded in that mouth, well Tony would die a bloody painful death before ever admitting it, but he thinks he might just have a thing for Captain America.
Notes
Hey Guys! I just wanted to say thank you all for the favorites, follows, and reviews, they mean the world to me! I hope you're liking the story so far, I'm hoping to keep updating even faster now with my new job!
I had a few questions for you all! What do you think Peter/Loki's ship name should be? I haven't seen anything for one online so I've been thinking about them, I'm leaning towards Leter lol, my boyfriend is voting for Spoki Man though
Also, are you guys enjoying the Stony bits? Or should I just cut it out? I'm not immersed as deeply in their ship and so I feel a bit unprepared to write them but I also love them and wanted a touch of it. Do you think I should keep them going or fade their stuff to the background and focus on Loki/Peter? Just let me know!
Thanks again, you have all been lovely 3 Also, you're welcome to follow/reach out to me on tumblr! .com