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Night 7 - Easy Come, Easy Go
I'm in and out of sleep most of the night. The pain in my leg is significantly dropping during the night, the medicine does work wonders. But that's not what is keeping me awake. It's this strange day, it's my brother's eyes, staring at me from that beast's face. It's Cypress sleeping only a few feet away, it's him deciding on saving me from certain death. And it's also Ayla, the stone-cold bitch who doesn't want me anywhere near.
By this point in time, it must already be the early morning hours and I've given up trying to fall back asleep. I'm staring at the sky, the full moon shining down when I suddenly hear movement from the direction where Cypress and Ayla are sleeping.
I turn my head slightly to see what's going on and see that one of them is standing. Then there's a whisper. It's Cypress' voice, "Ayla... what are you doing? What's the knife for?"
By the time he's done speaking Ayla's boots are already out of my sight. I hear her say, "Getting rid of the problems." And before I can react I already hear the cannon.
At that sound, I'm wide awake and sit up immediately. The girl from 7 is standing over Marlon, knife in hand, and blood dripping down from the blade. In shock, I stare at her. Marlon is dead - the only ally I had left is dead.
She soon realizes I'm awake and she runs towards me. My fight or flight instincts kick in and I get out of the sleeping bag, standing up. My foot is much better, easily carrying my weight again.
Ayla lunges at me with the same knife and I duck right before she reaches me. With my hand shaking slightly I pull a knife of my own and stare at her. "What the fuck?! Stop!"
But she doesn't listen. Ayla swings the knife at me again and I immediately bring up my own knife to defend myself - Years of training finally pay off. I manage to block her attack with my knife. I briefly look over at Cypress for help but he is standing, frozen in place, not sure whom to help.
It seems like Ayla uses that moment of me being distracted because I can feel a sudden pain in my face again. She claws at my wound with her nails and I flinch, her knife only scratching my arm a little, since I dodge quick enough.
I hold my own knife more firmly now and snatch another one from my belt. "Stop and let me leave! Or you'll regret it."
She doesn't seem to be impressed and takes a step toward me so I throw one of the knives at her, aiming for a spot below her shoulder, predicting correctly that she would try to duck. I hear her scream. The knife has hit her left shoulder, but not her heart.
I use this moment and stuff the sleeping bag inside my bag and I zip it shut, which only takes a few seconds. Then I stand up again, still holding the second knife. I look at Ayla who has managed to remove my knife and is now holding her bleeding shoulder. I raise my arm to throw the second knife, to end her life but Cypress quickly steps between us.
I grit my teeth for a second before speaking up, "Step aside!"
He shakes his head, "Fight me first if you want her."
Fight him? Now I'm suddenly confronted with what I have feared for most of the Games - having to face him. I stare at Cypress, not sure what to do. I tighten my grip on the knife handle. I can't fight him. I can't... but it seems like he can fight me by the way he is standing there, knife in hand.
My heart breaks at the sight. He wants to kill me. I love him, I betrayed my alliance for him, I risked our lives for him, I feared every single day that he might have been killed and now he is standing in front of me, about to kill me.
I swallow. I won't let him kill me, but I can't fight him - so I'll have to run. I turn on the spot and bolt. As fast as I can, I run between the trees, ignoring the pain in my leg that intensifies again. Only when I reach the treeline I stop. I can hear the river nearby and I decide to risk it. My bottle is empty and I need to find a new place to hide.
I look behind me as I'm catching my breath but there is nobody following me. Likely they stayed behind. I see the hovercraft levitate over the trees, picking up Marlon's body. Quickly I limp over to the river and refill my bottle before going back to the trees.
I manage to walk a bit into the forest but soon the pain becomes too much and I collapse against a tree. I know I should apply the cream again but everything is just too much right now. I only feel like crying. So I do.
I allow the tears to fall and bury my face in my hands. My illusion of Cypress not being able to harm me, of him reciprocating my feelings, is shattered. He'd probably kill me in a heartbeat to come closer to winning and returning to District 12, becoming the next victor in a row.
I sob at that thought and now let my head fall back against the trunk of the tree. After all, Marlon was afraid of Rex for no reason. It was Ayla who killed him cowardly when he couldn't defend himself. He was a good kid, deserved better. He shouldn't have been here in the first place. I should have protected him.
The immense sadness doesn't go away. And I do something I haven't done in a long time. That I haven't done since the Victory Tour six months ago. I talk to my brother. An act so stupid that I should be embarrassed.
My voice is shaking, barely above a whisper, "Hey Cato... what's it like where you are now?" I pause, sighing. What am I even doing? But I need this now, I need someone to talk to.
"Is this what you felt like when Clove died? No... it was probably worse. But you still managed to carry on... to stay in the Games."
I sob one last time before brushing the tears away with the back of my hand. Cato stayed in the Games even after the girl he loved was killed - after she died in his arms. I can't give up now, only because I'm heartsick. I need to pick myself back up. My voice comes out a bit more firm now, "Right... Don't worry, Cato. I'll stand back up - for you."
And so I do. I support myself against the tree and look around. I know there is a trap around here that could be useful now so I look for it. With one of my knives, I trigger it and the net Marlon has woven falls down. It is covered in softer branches from the pine-trees, so it blends in with the forest. I pick all of that up and hang the net in a spot where several trees are close to each other. It's unlikely someone will find me here easily.
The sun starts rising when I'm finished and finally I remove my boot again. The wound looks much better already but has opened in the center. Carefully, I apply the medicine again and this time I also put some on my open cheek so it won't be my weakness again. The box is still half-full after that so I put it back onto my bag.
I use my sleeping bag as a pillow and lean on one of the trees. I regret not getting much sleep now but on the other hand, I would probably be dead now if I did. I think about Cypress again. The way he faced me, the knife in his hand not even shaking the slightest bit.
He chose that backstabbing bitch, who murdered a 14-year-old in his sleep, over me - who offered to be part of an alliance against my former alliance, who saved his life. Why did he even talk to me on that roof in the damn tribute center? Everything would be so easy if I had just stayed home in my own miserable life.
But then I think about my so-called friends who disassociated with me when I fell into a depression after Cato's and Clove's deaths, about my indifferent father and my equally depressed mother who only started caring about me again when I threatened her with volunteering.
I look up at the sky again. It starts to lighten up, the few clouds colored in lilac and apricot. Suddenly there is something that I didn't expect. A small parachute starts floating down and I catch it, perplexed when it reaches me.
Tied to the parachute is something small, rolled up. I carefully untie it and the fabric unfolds. It's a fresh pair of socks since mine is bloody and torn from the attack. I inspect the dark green pair briefly. The material is a bit better than the one from my current socks - it seems to be water-resistant.
I remove my other boot too and take my socks off. First I put on a new sock on my healthy foot then I start rolling the second one up on my hand. I can feel something that shouldn't be there, something small and hard, and confused I pull it out of the sock. It's a folded piece of paper.
Curiously I unfold it. It's a note. 'He haunts my dreams too. I want you to know I care. - 12'
I almost drop the note when I read it. This isn't from Enobaria, this is from Katniss. It makes sense now that I think about it. Who else would sponsor me after I ran from a fight once again and had a mental breakdown over it?
Gently I fold the note again and put it in my pocket. I hesitate but then I look up and say, "Thank you... but don't use the money to send me stuff. Use it on him."
I am heartbroken that Cypress tried to kill me but I still can't hate him. I want him to live, to get medicine when he is hurt and hot soup when he's cold. He should have weapons to defend himself and a flashlight to find his way around.
Katniss should use the money on him, not on me - even though I appreciate it. Yes, this is the moment I feel grateful towards Katniss Everdeen. Quickly I add out loud, "It's true what I said during the interview... I don't blame you."
Then I put my second new sock on in silence. Hopefully, I can stay here for a day or two without anyone finding me. My foot needs the rest.
