Day 9 - Alone

Yesterday I haven't moved at all. Not a single soul has come by luckily. I was pretty sure that Cypress and Ayla were out of the picture for the day since I've wounded her. But there are still others out there. Rex is still out there.

I've tried to not eat since I had only two cans of food left but eventually, I ate one of them. I will figure something out - maybe I can try fishing now that I have a net. There was another canon fired sometimes in the afternoon. I had really hoped it would be Ayla, so I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore, but that wasn't likely.

In the evening I then found out who it was. First, they showed Marlon's picture in the sky and then Nolan's - the little boy from 5 who got a training score of 9.

It was hard to sleep once again. Multiple times I woke up during the night, images of Marlon's death, of Cypress threatening me with a knife fresh in my mind.

Now it's already bright daylight. It's probably past noon and I know I need to leave if I want to stay safe. I pack my things and look at my foot again before leaving. All of the wounds have healed, I'm good to go again.

Aimlessly I walk through the forest. In my head, I go through everyone who is still left in the arena. I am obviously still here and Cypress and Ayla, most likely still in an alliance. Then there's Rex and Breeze, most likely both fending for themselves. And as I'm counting I realize there is only one more - Garner, the male tribute from 9 who survived under our noses.

So we are down to 6 tributes in the Arena. Now it will get harder every day.

I sigh as I reach the caves again. I realize that I must be on the edge of the arena since there is an entrance on this side. I debate myself over going inside but I feel like it would be way too dangerous. If the Gamemakers feel like it, they could just make the whole thing come down right on top of me.

So instead I turn again and start walking back into the woods.

After a while, I stop. This is not a good way to avoid or find anyone - clearly, this tactic is stupid! Also, I should better save my energy if I were to come across Ayla and Cypress again - or possibly worse, Rex.

I look up to check the trees. One of the chestnuts in the area is pretty tall. Maybe I could climb it and overlook the arena. That would at least make more sense than strolling around without any type of goal in mind.

Carefully I reach up for the lowest branch and pull myself up. Then it's quite easy to climb. As far as the branches can carry my weight I go up. This tree is not as high as the one near the Cornucopia, but still high enough to see the surrounding forest and the spot where the river disappears into the ground.

I study the trees underneath carefully, trying to catch a glimpse at anything out of place, of movement. Then I focus on the Cornucopia in the distance. Maybe Rex has returned there sometime after we split up the alliance. It seems like a bold move after the flood but he's the kind of guy who would pull something like it.

I sigh and must admit that it's too far away to know for sure if anyone is there and decide to climb down again. That's when I see I'm no longer alone on my branch. A black bird with white feathers on the tips of the wings has settled down next to me.

This doesn't seem like a good thing... in an arena with no animals who live outside of the water whatsoever the appearance of this bird is bad. Most likely it's a mutt.

Slowly I move away as the bird watches me, but I hear movement behind me and turn. Another one has landed on my other side. Immediately my thoughts go back to that video of Maysilee Donner being attacked by birds in the poisonous arena of the last Quarter Quell.

I swallow and reluctantly look down. As I feared, the birds have settled on pretty much every single tree branch, making it impossible for me to simply climb down.

Desperately I try to remember what breed they might be, what they will do to me when the first bird I saw opens its beak. I, at first, think I must be going insane. Did it just... speak?

I draw a shaky breath and it happens again. "How could you do this to us? How dare you!"

I know that voice, I know it well. In disbelief, I stare at the bird. "Da... Daddy?"

It stays on the branch close to me unmoving and speaks again, "You're a disgrace!"

I shake my head and quickly turn away. I don't want to hear that. But the other side is not safe. Another bird is waiting for me. It starts speaking, unblinking. This one has a different voice, "Move! Or I'll move you!"

I don't recognize it immediately, but then it clicks. The voice sounds much younger, much more determined than what I'm used to. The bird speaks again, "You're a coward! That's all you are!"

I swallow and whisper, "Mommy... stop." The bird behind me keeps on insulting me in my father's voice and suddenly it hits me. These must be jabberjays. I have thought they no longer existed, that they were extinct.

They must have shown them footage from my mother's Games and spied on my father at work. That's why they would know how to talk like them.

Now the birds on the small branches above me join in. Some are crying, others are screaming at me. I know I have to get away from this tree since it's getting louder and louder.

Hesitantly I place one foot down, careful not to step on a bird. I make it down about halfway as the creatures just sit, unmoving, and still. They continue talking to me, insulting me. Some of them sound like the other girls from the training center back home. It's stressing me out but I can't show any more weakness. Not after running away two days ago and crying.

I almost slip as one of the birds next to my ear says my name. It's not that he says it. It's the way he says it. Calm and collected, in my dead brother's voice.

I take a deep breath before shaking my head and climbing down further. I whisper to myself, in hopes to drown out the birds around me, "You're not real... you're all fake."

The birds around me now all speak louder, all impersonate my brother. Repeating things he said in the Games last year. I can't focus, I can't think! Everything echoes in my brain at the same time and I feel like crying again. So I start muttering louder to drown it out, "You're not real... you're not real... you're not real..."

This seems to greatly upset the birds as they all stop at the same moment and it's deadly silent again. I pause on one of the lowest branches in confusion. Why did they stop? I mean... thank God they did, but why?

Then it hits! Harder than the impact from the flood, worse than the fall from the tree, even worse than the damn wolf-mutt that looked like Cato. It's so horrible it makes me flinch right then and there.

Exactly at the same time, they start screaming, the screams that have been with me for the past year, each and every day. Cato's screams as he desperately battled death now coming from all sides, drowning out every other noise. And not only that, the once still and unmoving birds take off, circle me closely like a tornado - sucking me in.

In desperation, I cover my ears with my hands but it doesn't help, it's still there. Without even realizing it at first I find myself repeating the same thing again all over 'You're not real'. Unfortunately, they sound real, very much real!

I feel tears forming in my eyes again and I start screaming back, "You're not real! You're not real! Stop! Please... please stop!"

I don't know how long I'm sitting like that. They don't go away! Please, God! Make it stop!

I feel myself shake as I remove my hands from my ears. I need to leave. The black whirlwind around me is still going on and I start crying again as I finally continue climbing down. I feel a wing brush my back and it makes me shiver even more. My clammy hands have a hard time holding onto branches.

Finally, I jump down onto the ground and in a split second - before I can think about it - I burst through the wall of jabberjays and run. I zig-zag through the trees to make them go away and the screams grow a bit more distant with every step I take.

I look back to make sure the birds are falling behind when I feel my foot hit something and I stumble. Unable to catch myself I fall forward, but I manage to break the fall with my arms. Cato's screams are gone but they still echo in my head. The birds are gone. And the sun is already setting.

Still shaken up I look back. I've tripped over a stone. Slowly, I sit up again and release a breath. How tasteless of them to use jabberjays! How tasteless of them to do this to me!

I've done better after the Victory Tour. I've tried to prioritize my good memories with my brother and the screams haunted my dreams less frequently. But now they are back. They echo in my head as they did in the weeks directly following his death.

I, however, will not break because of that. They underestimated how much I'm used to it, how much I'm used to being in a nightmare even when I'm not asleep. My hands stop shaking and I stand up from the ground.

I need to move as fast as possible. I'm surprised that this much noise hasn't attracted any of the others already. But looks like I am lucky and they are all too far away to be witnesses to what just happened.

Who knows? Maybe they have been attacked by jabberjays too. I cross the river that eventually disappears into nowhere, and I vanish into the treeline across quickly. I like this part of the forest better. More low trees to hide under and the small lake nearby if I should need it.

It's dark already as I decide on a spot to camp tonight. With a sigh, I open my last can of food as I watch the fake stars in the fake night sky. Tomorrow will be the tenth day in the arena. This is the end of another bloodless day.

Anxiety creeps back into my body as I think about that. I can't trust the nights ever since the flood. If I fall asleep too deeply I'll probably not wake up if someone attacks me, if there's a fire, or another flood or mutts. And I really don't want to die while sleeping.

For the second night in a row I'm without Marlon - I know I'll have a hard time.