Okay sorry this update has taken so long to get out. Thanks to personal stuff and well, everything in the news the past week (sending hugs/healing thoughts to Boston & Texas), I hit a bit of a wall but I'm working on getting over it. This chapter is a bit fluffier/lighter, doesn't advance things too much but I'm content with how it turned out, hope you will be too. Also much thanks for the recent following/favoriting going on and for the kindhearted reviewage. It HAS kept me going on this fic. Here's the latest, more to come soon.
"Never mind, Brody!", Carrie called, a knot forming in her stomach as she said the words. She'd never had trouble lying. For her job it was a requirement and in general it came second nature to her. But right now unusual, unfamiliar guilt was starting to creep in she wished she could tamp down.
"What?", Brody asked poking his head back in the door.
"I said never mind. I got them."
"You should really eat something though. You like macaroni and cheese?", he asked, hoping so since he'd just put a premade pan of it in the oven.
"I'd be fine with anything not served in styrofoam or cardboard. Farrah's insisted on take-out the past few nights."
Mentioning her name Carrie's eyes welled up.
"Shit..."
"Hey..hey it's okay.", Brody soothed, sitting beside her on the bed. When he went to put an arm around her, to his surprise she shifted away.
"Fuck, I just..I can't do this! Sitting around here pacing and crying and waiting by the fucking phone.", she snapped, standing up as Brody did the same.
"I need to get out there! I need to look for her myself."
When she made a move to leave Brody resumed his position in front of the door, getting her glaring.
"Okay, I'm over your whole bodyguard routine!"
"You think it's a picnic for me? I feel like a fucking prison warden!"
"So let me escape..", Carrie whispered seductively as he rolled his eyes.
"Carrie.."
"Brody if you expect me just to sit here, fucking rest-"
"You expect me to let you leave?"
"I won't blow you in!"
"That's not what I'm worried about and you know it."
Knowing he had reason to be frightened, given what he'd seen from her just hours before, Carrie sighed, taking a deep breath before speaking.
"Brody, I am useless sitting here right now. Quinn and Virgil need my help, I fucking know it."
"You know neither of them are going to quit until they find Farrah."
"What if they don't? What if they can't?"
"They have the goddamn CIA at their disposal, Carrie. If their resources can't track down a six year old girl, who the fuck can?"
"Their resources? What about my resources? Farrah's my-"
"She's your daughter. It's okay for you to say that."
"But not okay for me to find her? What kind of fucked up logic is that?", Carrie sniffed, folding her arms over her chest.
"She needs me, Brody."
"You're right. She does need you. At one hundred and one percent when she's found. And as far as I can tell that means you eating a real meal and getting a good nights sleep."
"Okay have you been channeling my sister or something?"
"No. I talked to her though.", Brody shrugged getting a look.
"You what?!"
"She called your phone on the ride here. I saw it was her and I picked up."
"You talked to Maggie?!"
"Yeah. And the feds haven't shown up yet!"
"Doesn't mean they won't!", Carrie exclaimed.
"Carrie she said she wouldn't put you through that. The only person involved here Maggie gives a damn about is you. She's going to protect you."
"Yeah and I know exactly how she plans to!", she scoffed, shaking her head.
"You didn't hear our conversation. She sounded sincere."
"She sounded sincere yesterday when she told me to give up on you."
"Carrie I don't think she'll say a fucking thing. I mean look at me, I'm still here! Nobody's kicked in the door, hauled me off in handcuffs."
Moving closer to her Brody smoothed her hair.
"I know you're worried, convinced I've taken some huge fucking risk here but I don't care."
"You should."
"Why? Because you're the only one allowed to take huge fucking risks?", he asked knowingly.
"I can't take you off the grid for awhile? Bring you back to a room, settle you down. Make sure you're not running off the rails?"
Annoyed not being able to counter that, Carrie frowned.
"Consider this my returning the favor, okay?"
"Returning the fav...Brody if this backfires."
"Carrie...", he groaned.
"Even if Maggie does keep quiet, there's Quinn to consider. People at the parade that could've recognized you. Like that couple that wouldn't leave me the fuck alone!"
"Hey, she did a decent job fixing up your knee."
Exasperated Carrie groaned, running a hand through her hair before Brody came up behind her. Easing his arms around her waist as she leaned into his touch.
"I had a plan for clearing your name, our way out. Now though.."
Pivoting she turned to face him she reached up, held his face.
"We can't afford to complicate things more, I-"
"Carrie, don't worry about it. I need you not to worry. You need you not to worry."
"Yeah okay! Easier said than done when I'm fucking in love with-"
Stopping short, her eyes welling up she looked up nervously as he took her hands off his face, stroked her hair.
"I love you too."
Not sure what to say, how to react (aside from cry more, and she was fucking sick of crying), Carrie pulled him into a kiss. Gentle at first, but when she went to make it more passionate he pulled back. Hearing a timer go off in the kitchen.
"Finally. You're hungry aren't you?"
"Wait, you cooked?"
"Don't look that surprised.", he scoffed, walking her to the kitchen before grabbing an oven mitt, taking the pan out of the oven.
"What can I do to help?"
"You can help me by sitting down."
"Well aren't we demanding."
Rolling her eyes she smirked but followed his instructions, sitting at the table as he dished out two bowls of mac and cheese. Setting one down in front of her along with a glass of wine.
In spite of everything going on, the nervous energy trickling through her and the way her stomach knotted each time she thought of Farrah, Carrie couldn't help but smile. At him, at this.
"Brody this is so-"
"It's not the Ashford but it'll have to suffice. For now anyway."
"For now.", Carrie echoed as Brody toasted his wine glass against hers. Then looked on as she took a cautious bite of the mac and cheese.
"Holy shit..", she marveled.
"You approve?"
"This is really good."
Smiling, relieved, Brody ate a forkful.
"Took me long enough but I finally remembered the recipe."
"Remembered?", Carrie asked, sipping her wine.
"Yeah, I made this all the time for Dana when she was little."
"Ah."
"Jess wasn't much of a cook when we got married. This was the only thing Dana would eat and wouldn't complain about. You should've seen me trying to make it for her when I got back from Iraq."
"Had a few failed attempts?", she smirked.
"I almost burned the fucking kitchen down."
Getting a light laugh but not much else, Brody frowned as Carrie didn't do much but stir at the pasta.
"Hey why are you slowing down?"
"It's nothing, I'm fine.."
Realizing he'd veered into kid conversation, Brody sighed.
"Shit, Carrie.."
"No, Brody. It's okay. You have kids. No reason you can't discuss them at your own fucking dinner table."
Smiling softly he reached across the table, squeezed her hand.
"I'm gonna teach Farrah to make this, you know."
"Not me?", Carrie asked.
"Are you kidding?", Brody laughed. "I was scared letting you chop a tomato that night at the cabin."
"I did fine!", she insisted.
"Carrie you tried to peel the fucking thing."
"Well at least I wasn't juggling them."
"Hey I got your message about the juggling! I got it loud and clear.", he playfully pouted, getting her grinning.
"Honestly though, I have gotten better in the kitchen since.", Carrie said.
"Yeah okay."
"I'm serious. When I was staying at Maggie's she taught me a few recipes. They're so basic even I can't fuck them up."
"But Farrah's still partial to take-out?"
"Hey I blame Danny Galvez for that. He got her eating French fries one day at lunch and it just snowballed from there."
"Well they are a gateway food. Lead to the harder stuff. Pizza, chips, ice cream, those tubs of movie popcorn."
Seeing her eyes cloud over again, as she thought of waiting in that fucking line for the fucking snack Farrah didn't even get to enjoy, now Brody's stomach knotted up. When he shifted his chair closer though she shifted away.
"Brody, don't."
Sighing, trying to keep his own frustration in check he stood up, clearing his spot. Sullenly Carrie took her bowl over to the sofa, then noticed an open folder on the coffee table, full of what looked like kids artwork.
Sitting down she reached for it, getting a better look at what she realized was a copy of one of Farrah's drawings.
"Brody?"
"Yeah?", he asked, shutting the water off at the sink.
"Why do you have this?"
"Have what?"
"Copies of all these drawings?"
"The imam asked me to put together a collage of the kids artwork to put on display. I told the art class if anyone wanted to contribute to leave their drawings on my desk. I made the copies though so the kids could keep the originals."
"Farrah left you a ton of her's.", Carrie noted.
"I'm not surprised. She draws more than any kid I've ever met. You can look through the ones she chose to give me. I'm sure you've seen them already though."
Tearing up Carrie closed the folder.
"You're right. I have.", she sighed. Leaning back into the couch cushion as she quietly finished her mac and cheese.
Sitting next to her Brody slipped an arm around her. Kissing the side of her head as she curled up on his shoulder.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Carrie made a surprising request.
"Will you tell me a story?"
"What kind of a story?"
"About the day a little girl in a hijab met a handsome on the run Marine."
Lightly laughing, Brody smiled.
"I was almost finished reading, what the fuck was it...the mouse and cookie book but with a moose."
"'If You Give A Moose A Muffin?'"
"Yeah! How'd you-"
"That was Josie's favorite book. Every time I visited I'd have to read it to her twice."
"She's got good taste.", Brody laughed.
"Anyway, Zahira nods for Farrah to go in the classroom, but Farrah doesn't want Zahira to introduce her and interrupt the story for everyone. So she stands outside in the hallway, refuses to move until I'm done.
The second I am she comes barreling toward me, asks if she can look at the book. So I hand it to her and she giggles, then runs to the back corner of the classroom and flips through the thing. Finishes it in record time."
Laughing, Carrie wiped at her eyes.
"She loves animal books. Always reads through those the fastest. What did she do when she was finished, ask you for another?"
"She actually asked for a reread of it. Says she liked it so much she wanted to hear it out loud."
Holding Carrie a little tighter, Brody's smile went sad.
"When she left she gave me a hug goodbye. I'll be damned if she didn't remind me of Issa."
"There are some similarities.", Carrie sniffed.
"When I woke up in the courtyard and saw that her house had been-"
"Yeah..", Brody nodded, sensing she didn't want to rehash that memory.
"Fuck, I wasn't even scared for myself. And after I found her, getting her away from there was such a blur."
"You know when Quinn told me about it, told me you were taking care of her..it didn't seem that crazy to me."
Shaking her head Carrie sat up, looking skeptical.
"Brody if you're saying that just to spare my feelings, don't. I love Farrah and I don't regret for a second doing what I did, but c'mon. The Carrie you knew, raising a child? If that doesn't seem crazy to you maybe you should be the one on meds."
"No, Carrie that wasn't what I meant."
"What did you mean?"
"I wasn't that shocked when Quinn told me because, in a fucked up way, part of me kind of knew already."
"How?"
"I don't know, I can't explain it. I just know the day I met Farrah there was something about her that was different. Special. Something I couldn't place that just made me want to keep a closer eye on her."
"Something like me?"
"Don't think anything else would make much sense.", Brody smiled, holding her face.
"And look, as far as what you thought I said before, if Farrah not being a terrific kid isn't proof enough for you..it's not crazy that you're a parent, Carrie. It wouldn't be crazy for you to be a parent."
Leaning into his palm Carrie's gaze fell to their linked hands on the sofa. Blinking back tears as she flashed back to something she wanted to forget, that she had no plan to bring up now.
Sensing her change, not sure of what to say Brody decided to do the next best thing and leaned back against the arm of the couch. Prompting her to stretch out alongside him, pillowed against his chest as he held her close.
"Honestly though, did you ever think that I'd..be.."
"A super spy slash soccer mom?", Brody asked as she smirked.
"Oh I'm a super spy now?"
"According to Farrah, and she's as smart as they come."
"I can't believe she wants to be a spy.", Carrie sighed bitterly.
"Don't want her following in your footsteps?"
"She should never have to see what I've seen.", she said gravely.
"She's seen so much already, I don't-"
Blinking back tears she curled up closer to him.
"Shhh. She'll be back with you soon, love. She'll be back and everything will be fine.", Brody assured.
"Everything will be fine."