While Val's chapters were times, Cyo's are going to be quotes from their time together. To clarify again, yes I'm continuing with Cyo as the protagonist - upload days stay the same. Thanks for the reviews, as always. They are so detailed and nice. They make me happy, honestly :) Maybe also don't read this one with a fresh spray tan. It's sad too.

To the person who reviewed under the name ILIKEREADING1999: Your review is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. So thank you, I really almost cried next to my mom in the car when I read it and she told me I made a sound like I was dying.

Of course, all the other reviews warm my heart too, but this one stood out to me somehow.

IF I win... I will do nothing but cry for you

My eyelids flutter open and immediately I feel like I have been hit by a bus. Everything is soar. I try to raise my arm, to sit up, but I don't have the strength to do it. Instead, I turn my head slightly.

I gasp when I see what's going on. Tubes are attached to my arm, going all the way down to my wrist. Experimentally I move my arm up and down. It feels strange - I can't really compare it to anything else.

Then there are footsteps. Desperately I try to sit up again to see, but I fall back down. Before I can try again, the bed starts lifting me up. Mechanical noises fill the room until it has reached the point where I'm in a sitting position.

My visitor is a woman, middle-aged and wearing some sort of lab coat. I open my mouth to say something and instantly I'm shocked by the tone of my voice. It's like I haven't spoken in ages. "Who are you?"

She keeps standing near the bed as she talks, "I am one of your doctors, Mr. Donner. It would be beneficial for you if you don't move too much. The machines are sensitive, but you still need them."

I eye the tubes once again. That must be the 'machines', so this is some kind of hospital. I swallow. They are treating me here.

In the blink of an eye, it all comes back to me. The Reaping. The Games. Rex. Valeria... Valeria is dead.

Suddenly I find it hard to breathe like my lungs are shrinking, collapsing in themselves. I gag, try to take a breath again, but I can't. Valeria is dead.

I start shaking again, try to scream, to talk, to do anything, but I'm almost paralyzed. Valeria is dead.

More steps echo through the empty white room and then I feel a pinch in my arm. The world is black again.

I don't know how long it has been. My head is still spinning, those last moments in the arena play in a loop. It should have been me, I should have died there.

When I open my eyes again, I find it easier to breathe. Carefully I raise my hand, touch my face - only to find some sort of mask. I hear the footsteps again and immediately focus on the spot in the wall where the woman has come from before.

It's her again. Her voice is soothing, like she really wants me to feel better, "If you feel like you can handle it - feel free to remove the mask."

I hesitate, but then close my fingers around the hard shell and pull softly. At first, it's a bit hard, then it falls off. I take a deep breath, a real breath.

The doctor studies me and writes something down on the clipboard she is carrying, "Does it still hurt?"

I shake my head lightly, thinking about it. I'm pretty sure she is referring to my wounds. "No... not really."

She nods and clears her voice, "Do you need anything?"

My thoughts are all over the place. How am I supposed to know? My throat is dry. Maybe that's why my voice sounds like I smoke a pack per hour. "Water... Can I drink water?"

Her lips curl upward slightly. "Of course... I'll send someone in."

Then she turns and starts walking away. No... wait! I need to know what happened to Valeria, where they brought her body. "Wait!"

That was too much for me, I start coughing, but manage to stop it again. The woman has stopped, looking at me over her shoulder. "The peacekeeper... I want to talk to the peacekeeper who was on the hovercraft."

She frowns, confused, but still says, "I'm sorry... I don't know about the peacekeepers. I'll ask about it, though."

I sigh as she leaves the room again. The urge to close my eyes again is overwhelming, but I can't fall asleep again. I want to get out of here... I want all of this to just be over. I swallow again as I look down on myself, carefully lifting the covers with one hand.

Scars are all that's left. Those on my chest still forming an X. My left shoulder is nothing but scar tissue. I can see that I'm naked and drop the covers again. Great... they could at least have given me underwear.

The hole in the wall opens up again as I look up again. It's a boy, maybe a bit older than I am, holding a tray with a single glass of water on it. As he comes closer I recognize him as the avox from our floor in the tribute center.

He stops in front of the bed, holding the tray in my direction. I raise my hand again and pick up the glass. I stare at the water for a moment, my hand shaking slightly under the weight of the glass. Then I take a sip.

It's cold, spreading a new sensation, almost energizing, throughout my body. Quickly I take another sip, almost choke, but I can prevent it.

Then the door opens again. It's the doctor with a peacekeeper. I put the glass back on the tray right away and briefly thank the boy. He nods and walks away again.

The doctor looks at me and says, "This is one of the peacekeepers who escorted you out of the arena."

I need to know if it's him, I need to talk to him. I look at the peacekeeper carefully, but I can't tell through the uniform, so I quietly ask, "Do you mind taking off your helmet?"

He hesitates, but then brings his hands up to the helmet and pulls it off. It's a younger man, darker skin, no beard. Clearly not who I was asking for. Still, maybe he knows who I'm looking for. "I'm sorry... I was looking for a blond man. He... he talked to me on the hovercraft."

The peacekeeper shifts, a bit uncomfortable with the situation, then replies, "The man who came in later? The... the boss?"

The boss. That's why the others all stopped and stood at attention when he entered the situation. I nod slowly. "Yes."

Clearing his voice, the peacekeeper looks down on his feet briefly. Then he looks up again and shakes his head. "I'm afraid, he can't talk to you anytime soon. Commander Hadley is already back in District 2 and off duty for a few weeks."

Commander Hadley.

It was important for his career, he always wanted to become Head Peacekeeper.

Val told me her father was a peacekeeper. It was he who took care of her. He had to take care of his own daughter's body. I hold back a sob and bite down on my bottom lip.

I realize I need to say something, so I mumble, "I understand... thank you."

The peacekeeper nods - then he puts his helmet back on and leaves me alone with the doctor.

I stare at her, unmoving, unblinking. If I blink I might start crying again. I feel miserable. She looks back at me concerned. "Would you like the oxygen-mask again?"

I shake my head lightly, "N...no. I just want to... I don't know what I want."

It's inevitable, unfortunately - I blink and a tear rolls down my cheek. I try to stop crying, but I only end up sobbing. The doctor speaks up again, "I can give you some sleeping pills if you want."

I hesitate but then shake my head again. "No... leave me alone."

She pauses for a moment, but then I hear her shoes click on the floor again. She's walking away. When the door is closed again, I brush the tears away with my hands. How long have I been here? Where even is 'here'?

I sigh and look down on the tubes again. You still need them, she told me... what do I need them for? I would like nothing more than rip them all out of my skin and finally talk to someone I fucking know!

I sit on my bed staring at the tubes for what might have been hours, I can't tell. Every time I close my eyes, I see dead bodies. I see myself killing Rex, I see Ayla drop dead in front of me, see Val fall forward into my lap, the cannon echoing in my head. There is no way I can fall asleep again.

Suddenly, the door opens up again. It's the avox-boy with yet another tray. This time he carefully places it down on my lap and before I can even thank him, he quickly leaves again.

I look after him, then down at the food. It's only a bowl of soup with some sort of breadcrumbs and a glass of water. I don't feel like eating, I feel sick. I look at the bowl for a moment longer, then let my head fall back and stare at the ceiling - the ceiling that looks exactly like the walls and everything else in this godforsaken place.

Valeria is dead.

I could have saved her, I should have done something.

If only Rex had killed me in that fight. Then she could have killed him and her father wouldn't have had to carry his dead daughter out of that hovercraft. He was nice to me, even... He should have blamed me for her death - because it is my fault! But he tried to help me.

A voice interrupts my thoughts, "Please try to eat this. It is important." I look over to the door in the wall briefly, but nobody's there so I let my head fall back again. Now they are not even showing up anymore to talk to me.

I ignore the voice and swallow hard. It's not important, nothing is anymore.

Then I hear it again. "Please at least try."

I grit my teeth. They are not my boss! I take a deep breath, then say as loud as I can, "Fuck off!"

There is no answer. Maybe they have understood that I won't eat, that I can't eat.

I stare at the ceiling for another couple of minutes, then I hear the sound of the door and a pair of feet coming closer, one slightly heavier. I don't look up - It's one of those doctors trying to feed me their soup for sure.

The footsteps stop next to my bed and a familiar voice asks, "Can I sit?"

Now I lift my head to look at my visitor. "If... if you want to." Peeta is wearing a red suit. He smiles at me softly as he sits on the edge of the bed.

He looks at the tubes briefly, then quietly says, "I know it's stupid to even ask after a couple of near-death experiences, but how are you doing?"

I sigh. I don't really know what to say, but I guess telling what's on my mind is my best option. "I wish one of those was a death experience."

Peeta presses his lips together. "That would be unfortunate. The medical team went to great lengths to keep you alive."

My eyes drop down on the tubes again and I mumble, "What is all of this? Where am I?"

Peeta keeps his voice low as he explains, "This is a part of the tribute center that can only be accessed when it's needed - after most Hunger Games. It's a hospital, you are in the Capitol. These machines make sure you are breathing, your heart is beating. They give you morphling for the pain and some kind of other meds for the wounds to fully heal.

"You still need those two things, I guess. But now they are trying to make you eat again - that's a good thing."

I shake my head. "I don't want to eat."

"You will have to..."; Peeta looks at the tray with the soup. "Right now you still get enough nutrients through those tubes. If you refuse to eat, they will just keep that up, you won't die."

So that's what they have been doing while I was out... that reminds me to ask. "How long has it been? How long have I been here?"

Peeta hesitates, then says, "A week and a half."

I say nothing. That's longer than I have thought. If that is true, I have slept for ten whole days.

"Do you want details?" Peeta looks me in the eye. I can tell that he means well, but I'm still a bit scared of hearing everything.

I hesitate but then nod. "Tell me..."

He nods, then starts, "When you collapsed on the hovercraft, your heart stopped almost immediately. It took them a full three minutes to bring you back. Your shoulder was so badly damaged that they first thought they had to amputate the arm, but once you reached the hospital here, they saw that your nerves were intact and were able to save the arm."

Peeta pauses, waiting for me to process all of that. I was dead. I could have died on that hovercraft and left the Capitol without a victor. I swallow and look over at my arm. Sure, they would have made me a fake arm, like Peeta's leg, but I'm relieved they saved my real arm.

Slowly I nod and look at Peeta again. "Go on..."

He sighs, then says, "They still needed to remove the knife from said shoulder. It had punctured a blood-vessel, which made you lose blood and lose it fast. Your heart stopped again - a minute this time. They brought you back and stopped the bleeding. Then they patched up all the wounds and brought you here to rest."

I grit my teeth again and hesitantly ask, "That all?"

Peeta shakes his head. "Your heart stopped one more time. You... you had a panic attack while in the coma. They don't know what happened, most likely some sort of nightmare triggered it. It caused the system that was supposed to help you breathe to malfunction. Luckily they fixed it fast."

A panic attack. Before today I have thought I never had one of those. It turns out I did. All of this is way too much. I want to get out of here. "Peeta... I... I just want to go home."

He looks down, tries a smile again, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Sorry, Cyo... but you will have to stay here for at least two more days. Then there are the... festivities for your victory."

Right... that circus. First, a recap of the Games and then a party, like nothing at all had happened. I feel even less like eating now. "Please, no... I can't watch the... I'll have another breakdown."

Peeta looks up again, pity in his eyes, sympathy. He, of course, knows the feeling of watching 3 hours of his Hunger Games. But he doesn't know the feeling of watching Valeria die. It's bad enough to see it when I close my eyes - over and over.

"Focus on getting better first, okay? We can do coaching after, but you can't avoid it."

I hate the fact that he is right. I am part of a horrible show now, and I'll never get out of it - the life of a victor. I swallow but then nod. "Okay..."

Peeta stands up from the bed again. "Good... eat your soup. I'll send Katniss in to see you tomorrow."