Chapter 3 - Gone

Author's Notes: Thank you all, so much, for the feedback! This chapter was a bit of a challenge to write. Luckily, when you have a super-beta like Nathalie, you can work through it all.

This chapter switches back to Donna's POV. I hope you enjoy it.

Donna hadn't slept well - which was par for the course these days. But last night had been especially bad. Even after her resolution to try to rebuild her relationship with Harvey, her unease hadn't fully left her.

She told herself that it was her nervousness at Harvey's possible rejection of her olive branch. His actions over these past few days had certainly warranted it, with him rejecting her offer to help him find a replacement and insisting they rip the band-aid off, before treating her like she was a stranger to him.

Until he had needed her help. Refusing him was the only recourse to keep her integrity intact, and her loyalty to Louis secure. And there had been the added bonus of him sending the can opener back to her, which to her had signified him severing their working relationship.

He hadn't needed her help this past week, though. She had overheard Rachel in the ladies' room with a fellow associate talking about Harvey's new secretary, and how she seemed well-equipped to handle his needs. Her own sources within the secretarial gossip pool had all but implied that Gretchen was another her. And although she'd playfully scoffed at her source, it had shaken her.

She had resisted the impulse to question Rachel further about her, because she was sure her friend would read too much into it and ask questions that she wasn't prepared to answer. But, in her most honest moments, Donna knew that the real reason behind her hesitation was that she hadn't wanted to hear how Harvey seemed to get along with his new secretary - someone who wasn't her.

Her mind continued to buzz as she made her way to her desk. Smoothing down the green fabric of her dress, she settled into her chair and pulled the drawer open. Withdrawing the silver object from it, she leaned back in her chair and she allowed her mind to return to its churnings.

He might have sent it back, she thought, twirling the can opener in her hands, but she'd return it to him. She'd let him know that just because she no longer worked for him, it didn't mean that the can opener no longer held any significance. She still wanted him to win at his trials as his friend and they could still have this. He'd just have to let her know when.

The distant ding of the elevator brought her out of the reverie, and she smiled as she saw Louis step out. Working with Louis was an adventure in its own right, and she knew she had her work cut out for her. His fear of her leaving him was something they'd have to work on, and she hoped to make him see that her friendship with Harvey wouldn't change things between them.

She followed him into his office, and as he sat behind his desk, he remarked.

"You look nice today. Are you feeling better?"

"I am, Louis. Thanks for being there yesterday."

"Donna, listen. I'm not going to let him take you from me."

"I know, Louis. But I think he knows that now. Like I told you, I made that clear to him after you told me what he did."

"Are you sure?"

Her mind flashed once again with the look on his face, and she felt her stomach twist again. Forcing a smile on her face, she said truthfully, "Yes, Louis, I am. He knows I won't go back to work for him."

Donna glanced at the still-closed elevators and then at the clock on the corner of her screen.

11 AM.

There had still been no sign of Harvey.

She'd seen Jessica exit the elevators, but the managing partner had barely glanced in her direction when she'd crossed her desk to reach her office.

She also saw Mike and Rachel exit a half-hour later, and while they'd glanced in her direction with small smiles, they'd dropped their gazes a lot sooner than she'd expected. She figured it was because of the way she'd treated Mike the previous day, and she realized that she owed them an explanation - at least one that would satisfy them enough.

But first, Harvey.

Where was he? She knew he got in at whatever time suited him but he was never this late unless…

Oh.

A wave of bitterness overtook her.

His morning meetings.

She let out a scoff. Of course. He'd have needed company after yesterday. She hadn't seen him return in the two hours after she'd seen him leave and she recognized that a small part of her had been hoping he'd come back to apologize to her. He never did.

And yet, there she had been, up all night, hoping to make things up with him, when he clearly hadn't been even thinking of her. And why would he?

Maybe, in her own foolish hopes, she'd imagined that look on his face, after all.

"The reason I've called this emergency meeting is to discuss a situation that came up last night that you should all be aware of."

Jessica eyed the partners, knowing in her gut that this meeting was going to be a headache to get through. Harvey had mailed her early in the morning, informing her of his flight and his confirmation about his compensation. She hoped she wouldn't have to use the latter just yet, or at all, if she had her way.

"Harvey Specter will be on sabbatical for three weeks, starting today. He cited personal reasons and..."

"Bullshit."

Jessica rolled her eyes.

Soloff, of course.

"You want to repeat that?"

"I said bullshit. This is you covering up for him again, so he can find a way to reverse the vote."

She caught Louis about to open his mouth, and shot him a warning glance, and he closed it. She turned to Soloff, her eyes flashing.

"Jack, let me get this straight, are you actually going to question the word of two senior partners in front of the other partners here?"

"Yes, I am. I have the partners' backing to remove Harvey's compensation. Not to mention, that he's going after three more clients of mine."

"And you still have the partners' backing, Jack. But, if you continue to question my word in front of them, you should remember that I'm the one Harvey's trusted with his clients in his absence. And if I so choose, I can make this meeting be the last one you'll ever attend, and the number of clients you have will be the least of your concerns. "

She watched with satisfaction as Jack pushed himself back in his chair, and glowered at her.

"I didn't think so. Now, as I informed this man here, while Harvey is away, all of his clients are under my purview and will be handled by Mike Ross and Rachel Zane, who are his associates."

The meeting proceeded with relative smoothness after that, but Jessica knew there was more coming, and smirked as Louis shot out of his seat to follow her as soon as the partners were dismissed.

She sauntered into her office, ignoring the name partner hot on her heels, and only when she had seated herself, did she give him the attention he wanted.

"Louis?"

"Do you want to tell me what just happened there?"

"Were you not paying attention?" She raised her eyebrow.

"I was. And I know exactly what's going on."

"And pray tell, what do you think is going on?"

"Please, Harvey Specter does not take sabbaticals. He never has. This is him sulking because I got Donna and his money."

"Come again?"

"Ever since I got Donna, he's been jealous. And he hasn't missed a single chance to let me know that he's gonna take Donna from me."

Jessica tilted her head, "You mean just like you haven't missed a single chance to keep telling him that you "won Donna"? Or that you won in your "war against him"?"

"Who told you that?"

"He did. And yes, he might have threatened to take Donna from you, Louis, but that was because you couldn't stop rubbing it in his face."

"I…"

"Save it. First you pulled a ridiculous ploy to try to get the partners to turn against him…"

"I did that so I could show the partners that I had his back!"

"And it backfired, because what you don't seem to understand, Louis, is that sometimes, you need to give people time to come to terms with everything that's happened. You were the last person he needed help from!"

"Yes, because he was jealous I got Donna!"

"He wasn't jealous! He was hurt. Not everything is about you."

"Hurt? Please. He's just upset he doesn't have someone to run his life anymore. I'm not going to let him use this so-called sabbatical to get what he wants."

"He has a secretary, Louis, so your point is ridiculous. What he wants is a break to deal with something that came up."

"Oh, and what was that?"

"Like I said, it was personal."

"Please, Harvey doesn't do personal. I am a named partner and I deserve to know what he's up to."

She'd had enough. In between witnessing Harvey's unhappiness the previous night and Louis' utter lack of perception, she'd reached her limit. She rounded her desk and advanced on Louis, towering over him.

"That's enough! That's twice in the span of ten minutes that you've accused me of being a liar. One more word from you about him or this, and I'll slap the taste out of your mouth."

Donna watched as Louis made his way out of Jessica's office, with a dark cloud over his head. She followed him into his office.

"Louis, what happened?"

"What happened is that your former boss thinks he can do whatever he wants to get this vote reversed."

"What did he do?"

"He's taking a sabbatical for three weeks."

"A sabbatical?" Donna felt her stomach drop, as she shook her head. "That makes no sense. Harvey doesn't take sabbaticals."

"Exactly. Apparently, he's doing it for personal reasons."

"What does that mean?"

The unease had returned, and she sat down in one of the chairs.

"It doesn't mean anything. He's just trying to get out of this vote."

"Louis, Harvey wouldn't…"

"Whose side are you on, Donna?"

"I am on your side, Louis. But trust me, Harvey wouldn't back down from a fight like this with Soloff by hiding away."

"Then this is about you."

"What?"

"I told you. He'll do anything he can to change your mind about this."

"Louis, I told you, I'm not leaving you. Harvey cannot make me change my mind. But, I'm gonna go find out what's going on."

Stalking towards Harvey's office, Donna felt the anger build inside her. It was one thing to completely disrespect her decision to leave him, but this wasn't like him, at all.

A sabbatical for three weeks. There was no way he'd last that long outside the office. The last time he'd taken some personal time, his father had died - and he was back in the office the same day.

Three weeks? Bullshit.

Something was up, and she wasn't going to let him hold out on his duties just because things weren't going his way. Jessica was relying on him in her fight with Soloff. He knew that.

She slowed her steps as she neared his office. Her old cubicle was currently unoccupied, but his secretary's tote bag sat atop the desk, and Donna determinedly ignored the pang that shot through her. As she pushed her way into Harvey's office, however, she stopped short.

And felt her blood run cold.

His desk was empty. His laptop, gone. His files, gone.

She stepped closer, her mind whirling.

What was going on with him?

"What are you doing here, Red?"

She turned her head. His new secretary was looking pointedly at her from the doorway.

"Where is he?"

"He's on a sabbatical."

"For three weeks."

"Yes."

"I don't think so." She shook her head. "He's never done this."

"People change, Red," Gretchen shrugged, moving back towards her desk as Donna followed.

"Listen, I know that Jessica needs him right now. This isn't like him."

"Jessica is the one who signed off on the leave approval, and is handling his clients in his absence. So, she knows and is OK with it."

"Why? Why does he need the sabbatical?"

"Donna, I cannot tell you that. Besides, you don't work for him anymore, remember?"

"Now you listen…"

"Don't get sassy with me now, Red." The older secretary peered at her, from under her brows.

"Gretchen, please."

"I'm sorry, Donna." Gretchen said gently. "You should know that I cannot tell you any more than you'd have told anyone if you still were working for him."

With that, Gretchen returned to what she was doing, and Donna knew there was nothing more to be said.

The walk back to her desk were the longest minutes in Donna's life. Desperation and anger at his actions clawed at her chest. For the first time, she recognized that she was well and truly out of his loop: he no longer thought of her as part of his trusted circle. Their argument yesterday had clearly sealed their fate.

Louis accosted her the second she returned to her desk.

"Louis, before you ask, I couldn't find out anything."

"Well, then, I'll go ask his new secretary myself." He turned to go towards Harvey's office.

She moved to stop him and shuffled him into his own office.

"Louis! You'll do no such thing," she hissed. "When Harvey came to me asking about what you did, I told him that he should never expect me to betray you to him. Are you seriously going to do the same thing to his secretary and make me look like a hypocrite?"

"So what you're telling me is we should just let him get away with..."

"Get away with what, Louis?" a cold voice asked from behind.

They both turned.

"Jessica." Donna said. "He wasn't…"

Jessica raised her hand to stop her from saying anything more, and turned to Louis.

"I'm only going to say this once, Louis. Leave Harvey alone. His absence in the firm doesn't concern you. And, if you continue to push this with the partners, you'll end up on the wrong side. And you remember what happened the last time you were on the wrong side."

"There you are, again." Louis shot back. "Taking his side like you always do."

Donna closed her eyes: she knew Louis had pushed too far.

"Yes, Louis. I am taking his side. Because that's what partners do. Soloff is coming after every one of us, and he's already got a majority of the partners in his pocket. Do you honestly think Harvey would voluntarily walk away from a fight like that?"

"Jessica..."

"Shut up, and just in case, you think this is about his money." She withdrew a folded sheet from her coat and threw it on his desk - the reason she was in his office in the first place. "You should take a look at that. He's already given up his compensation last night, to be distributed fairly and evenly among the partners. He's not going to fight you any more on it. That's what I'd come here to tell you so that you could start restructuring the partners' salaries."

"Why didn't you bring this up in the meeting?"

"Because, I didn't want to give Soloff the satisfaction." She shot him a disgusted look, before adding, "Oh, and as far as Donna is concerned, he was never going to take her from you. He made that clear on her very first day of working for you."

"What?" Donna's voice cracked between the partners.

Jessica didn't answer her, but shook her head, and walked out of the office.

"Donna." Louis started.

"I'm sorry, Louis. I have to go."

She slipped out, intent on pressing Jessica for more answers.

"Jessica, wait."

The managing partner didn't stop walking. Only after they had reached her office, she turned to the redhead, "Donna, if you're going to ask me about Harvey not being here, I've already said everything that needs to be said."

"You said he never wanted to take me back."

"I did. I saw that he was hurting, and I offered to try to get you back to him. He refused to even consider it."

"But, yesterday we had this huge fight about that very thing. He told Louis that he was going to…"

She stopped at Jessica's pointed look and the truth hit her.

"He did it to rattle Louis."

"He did." Jessica nodded and indicated a chair. "Have a seat, Donna. There is something you should know. Now, I know Harvey never wanted me to tell you this. But I think you should know this, because this is important to keeping Harvey's reputation with the partners."

"You mean that he was paying my salary in addition to the firm's." Bitterness colored her voice. "Why did you let him do that? I never needed his money."

"Donna, it was the only way I was going to let him bring you with him."

"What?"

"Associates don't get secretaries. You know that. So why do you think Harvey was the exception?"

"I don't understand."

"He told me that he wouldn't come here without you." Jessica said quietly. "You were a package deal. Donna, you've been thinking all this time that you're here because Harvey brought you here. The real truth is, Harvey is only here, because you agreed to work with him. I wanted my protégé, he wanted you."

I don't want to find out what kind of lawyer I'd be without you.

"As soon as he made partner, he could have stopped, but he didn't think your salary was enough; he told me to continue taking the difference from his own. As his billables increased with every new client he brought into the firm, he added to your own salary."

"Why?"

"A few days after the Coastal Motors fiasco, I asked Harvey that very thing. He'd just gotten you back after I'd fired you."

Donna held her breath, "What'd he say?"

"He told me it was because his successes were as much yours as they were his, and that meant sharing his money with you, as well."

We made partner.

Shame colored Donna's cheeks, and she played nervously with her hair.

"And instead, I told him he was jealous and closed the door on his face. And then yesterday…"

Jessica leaned forward in her chair to interrupt her. "I didn't tell you this to make you feel bad. The only reason I'm telling you this now, is because I know that Louis thinks Harvey didn't value you or care for you, and he's been constantly throwing that notion in Harvey's face to hurt him. You need to disabuse him of his idiocy, before he does something stupid and hurts Harvey's standing with the remaining partners."

Returning to her desk, she groaned when Louis scurried out once again.

"Louis, not now."

"Donna..."

She leaned over and grabbed her bag and phone, and shook her head at him.

"I have somewhere to be, Louis."

"Donna, you are not going to go to Harvey, now."

She rounded on him.

"Yes, I am. And you're not going to stop me."

She stalked off before he could say anything else.

She needed to see him.

She needed him to know that she was sorry.

She needed to know why he was going away.

Sitting in the back of a cab, Donna's mind whirled with all the possible things she needed to tell Harvey.

She had always prided herself on one of the few people who had a front seat to Harvey Specter's life.

She watched him rise from an aspiring ADA to the city's best closer.

She'd watched him try and fail at building a relationship with his mother.

She'd seen him take a young, lost man under his wing and give him a future.

She'd seen him fight tooth and nail to keep her out of prison, even as she doubted and questioned him.

She'd seen him at his most vulnerable when he'd told her that he loved her, before he ran.

But, then she'd run, as well, after telling him she loved him. Telling herself, she'd needed to move on from him.

Had she, though?

She may have gone to work for Louis, because he'd needed her at just the right moment. She told herself it had been convenient and an easy move to make, without the need to start over.

Today had proved her wrong.

Even though she no longer worked a few feet away from him, knowing that Harvey was still within her reach had given her a measure of comfort. She could tell herself that she wasn't completely out of his life.

But today, for the first time, she found herself on the outside looking in. It had unsettled her. The idea that Jessica and Gretchen were privy to what was happening, while he deliberately kept her out had hurt.

She felt a sudden frisson of anger shoot through her.

Why was she fighting so hard to be let in when he didn't want her to be?

Because he had let her in: he'd made her a part of him in every way that he was able to. Except in the way she'd wanted him to.

And with a few well-chosen words, she'd thrown what they'd built in his face, on the word of a man who'd fed her half-truths. She'd chosen to believe Louis' contentious words over her own intuition of Harvey's character.

Stepping out in front of Harvey's building, she checked her phone. She'd tried calling him twice during the ride, but had been dismayed to hear it go to voicemail. He hadn't returned them.

Was he screening her calls?

Well, he wouldn't be able to screen her, she thought forcefully, as she made her way to his apartment.

She knocked, and waited, her heart beating out of her chest and her gaze intent on his doorknob.

No answer.

"Harvey?" She knocked again.

Was he sleeping?

She reached into her purse and pulled out the key to his apartment.

She'd been working on a brief for one of his clients when she heard a clatter on her desk.

She looked down at the object he'd placed in front of her, and back at him, her eyebrows raised.

He smirked, "You don't need to pick my lock to get into my apartment, anymore."

She took the keys and gave him a look.

"I've never picked your lock, Harvey."

"No?"

"Noooooo."

"Right. So, the foot sculpture that was on my coffee table just magically vanished?"

She blinked innocently back at him, while he stared back, a grin twitching at the corner of his lips.

She broke first. "OK, that sculpture was an eyesore and it needed to go. You should be thankful."

"Oh, I am. Hence the key. Just don't throw out any of my records, alright?"

"Damn, I thought I could throw your ABBA records out."

"Don't you dare, Paulsen."

She entered the apartment.

But, as she stepped into his bright and expansive living room, she felt her stomach drop, her intuition already telling her the worst.

Unwilling to give in to her rising despair, she moved towards his bedroom.

"Harvey?"

His bed was made. She listened in vain for the sounds of his shower, calling his name again.

Silence.

She made her way out of his room, pulling her phone out once more.

Please let him answer this time.

"Hi, you've reached Harvey Specter. If you're hearing this…"

She hung up, and dropped heavily on to one of his stools, the reality of it all crashing on her.

He was gone.

He was gone. And she had no idea why or where.

She'd lost her chance.

She let her gaze wander across the emptiness of the apartment, ignoring the way it turned blurrier with each passing second.

And then she saw it.

On his coffee table.

Green. Succulent. Thriving.

She stumbled towards the table, her knees crashing towards the floor as her hands reached for the cactus.

Her cactus.

He'd kept it.

He'd kept their cactus.

She let the tears fall.

Author's Notes: Hope you all enjoyed that. Reviewers get to choose between a car club outing with Harvey or a theater date with Donna. Thank you again for all your support, they keep us writers going.