Chapter 5 - Cracked
Author's Notes: I'm so thankful for everyone who reads and reviews this; you all keep me going.
Huge thanks go to Aimee for helping out with certain specifics in this chapter. Girl, I owe you one. And, as always, this story wouldn't be what it is without my sweet Nathalie's help and advice. For all intents and purposes, this story is also, in part, hers. I love you, Nat.
"Mom, I told you. Now's not a good time," Marcus sighed into the phone, before listening to his mother on the line. "I know, but I'm telling you, you need to give him time. He's here to take some rest, and as much as I hate it, I cannot have you both in the same room right now. It won't be good for him. I have to go now. I hear him coming downstairs."
He hung up the phone, just as Harvey rounded the doorway to the kitchen.
"Hey. Who was that?"
His brother shrugged, "Just the restaurant. I was checking in with the head chef."
Harvey tilted his head and gave him a look, "Right. You're a terrible liar. But, thank you."
Marcus nodded, "Don't thank me, Harvey. But, you know you can't…"
"I know, Marcus. I also don't want to keep you and the kids from seeing her. I can always go and stay in a hotel."
"Harvey, no. You need to be with us now. We're not going to let you deal with all of this on your own. Besides, this isn't about the kids not being able to see her. They can always go to her house if they want to. This is about her wanting to see you."
"No. Not after what happened last time," Harvey hissed, his face tensing up.
"I know," Marcus responded placatingly. "That's what I've told her. I'm just saying that I want you to think about it. On your own time. OK? I know a lot has happened, so I promise I won't push it."
Harvey nodded, his face relaxing as he took a seat at one of the kitchen chairs.
"So, I know we never got a chance to properly catch up yesterday, but how's everything with the restaurant?"
"It's going as well as it could, all things considered. I just hired a new sous-chef. It should ease things up a little more for my chefs."
Harvey nodded. His recent troubles with Forstman notwithstanding, his brother had made something good out of it. And now, hopefully, Forstman would rot in prison for the rest of his life for what he'd put them through.
His eyes strayed to the refrigerator where Haley's and Josh's stick drawings littered the door. He felt his heart prick painfully in his chest when his eyes fell on a crayon drawing that showed two children and two adults, with "Grama and Grampa" scrawled over it in Haley's handwriting. The man in the picture wasn't Gordon.
"It was nice putting Haley and Josh to bed last night," he remarked quietly, tearing his eyes away from the picture.
"Yeah? The kids enjoyed it too. Haley wouldn't stop talking about Uncle Harvey reading Pinkalicious to her."
"Seven times," Harvey let out a playful groan.
Marcus laughed, "Yeah, well, be prepared for Purplicious, Silverlicious, and Goldilicious over the next few days."
"There's more of them?"
"Yeah. You're gonna love it," Marcus said thumping his brother on the back.
"Yeah, I will," Harvey rolled his eyes. "Haley also told me she made the All-Stars."
"She did! She's over the moon about it. Josh's doing great too. Kid's just learning to pitch, and I swear he's gonna be making it into the big leagues soon enough. Arm like a cannon, kinda like his uncle used to have…"
"Shut up, Marcus," Harvey stalled his brother's teasing. His bad shoulder would always remain a sore spot.
"You should come with us on the weekend. We…"
The doorbell interrupted Marcus' suggestion.
"Are you expecting someone?"
"No. We don't usually get visitors this early unless…"
"Do you think it's Lily?" Harvey asked, his eyes narrowing.
"No, Harvey. Just wait here, OK?"
Harvey sighed. He supposed he'd have to face Lily at some point or the other. He took a fortifying sip of his coffee and waited.
"Uh, Harvey?" He heard his brother enter the kitchen. Marcus' face was apprehensive as he approached him.
"What is it, Marcus?"
"You… you should get inside the living room. There's someone here to see you."
"Marcus, I told…"
"It's not Mom."
Harvey frowned and did as his brother asked.
"Donna?"
"Hi, Harvey."
New York, 1 hour earlier:
"Where the hell is Donna?" Louis asked storming into Rachel's office.
"Well, good morning to you too, Louis. I don't know where Donna is. Has she not come in, yet?"
"No. Why do you think I'm asking you then? Are you that dense?" he asked, annoyed.
"Louis, I don't have any idea where she is. Have you tried calling her?"
"Of course, I have. She isn't answering. Nor has she responded to any of my texts."
"OK, calm down, alright? I'll try to find out where she is."
"If she's at Harvey's, I swear…"
Rachel's eyebrows went up at that.
"If she is at Harvey's, Louis, then that's her prerogative. They're still friends, whether you like it or not. Now, if you don't mind, I'll try to reach her and I'll let you know," she said, trying to hold back an eye-roll.
She waited until the lawyer had exited her office, before pulling out her phone.
R: Donna, where are you? Louis is going ballistic.
Sitting in the back of a cab, Donna switched her phone back on and watched as it exploded with notifications.
6 missed calls from Louis.
15 messages from Louis.
1 message from Rachel.
Ignoring the burst of notifications from Louis, she opened the message from her friend.
R: Donna, where are you? Louis is going ballistic.
D: You know where I am, Rachel. I'll see you soon, alright?
R: Boston? Donna, you should have told me you were going there.
Donna frowned at that but didn't have time to respond when the cabbie announced their arrival.
Stepping out, she waited as the driver helped her with her carry-on, and looked at the façade of Harvey's brother's home. A small burst of nervous energy swept through her at the prospect of what was waiting for her inside.
Would he be happy to see her there?
Never one to second-guess herself - other than these last two days, anyway - she braced herself and made her way to the front door.
The door was opened by a stockier and slightly shorter man who bore a slight resemblance to his older brother in everything but his eyes.
"You're Marcus Specter," she said, holding her hand out. "I'm…"
"Donna Paulsen. Of course. It's nice to finally put a face to your name. Erm. Harvey isn't…," Marcus' face had transformed from recognition to apprehension.
"Expecting me? I know he isn't. But I had to see him. Is he here?"
"He is," Marcus said, stepping aside to let her in. "Come in. I… I'll let him know you're here."
She nodded and followed him into his living room. As Marcus shuffled into the next room calling for his brother, she rubbed her palms on her white summer slacks and looked around without really taking in anything. She vaguely registered the tasteful decorations, before she heard his footfalls and his curious face peek into the room.
She watched as his face turned from curiosity to astonishment.
"Donna?"
She let out a nervous chuckle, "Hi, Harvey."
"What are you doing here? Is everything alright at the firm? Did something happen with Jessica? Soloff? I knew I shouldn't…" he approached her, urgency coating his voice.
"Harvey, relax. Nothing happened. Jessica didn't send me here."
"Oh. Then what…?" He took a step back from her, his head shaking in disbelief.
"Am I doing here? You have to ask me that? Twelve years, I've known you. You've never taken a sabbatical. I was worried about you."
"You were worried?" A sardonic edge laced his voice.
"Yes!" she said, defensiveness creeping onto her face now at his less-than-welcoming tone. "I was. I'm here for you, Harvey!"
"You're here for me?"
"Are you just going to repeat everything I say?" she quipped, trying for levity.
"Don't. Donna, just don't. The last time I checked, you had already decided that we were done. You don't work for me anymore. So, shouldn't you be at Louis' desk scheduling an appointment with his pedicurist or something?"
"Harvey…"
"You told me that I didn't get to come to you anymore outside the firm and that you'd already picked a side. And now, you're here in my brother's house to tell me you're here for me?"
"I meant that you didn't get to ask me anything about work, Harvey. This isn't about work, it's personal. I know you are dealing with something here, and I am still your friend. This isn't like you."
"To me, work, personal, it's the same thing! You made your choice when you chose to betray me by going to work for Louis."
"How is putting myself first for once in my life betraying you?"
"That isn't what I said. I said you went to work for Louis. That was betraying me."
"Yes, Harvey. I wanted to move on."
"You call that moving on? I call it sticking a knife in my gut and twisting it."
"Harvey…"
"And trust me, you've been twisting it deeper and deeper every single day since," he finished, his breath coming out in short spurts.
She stared at him in dismay. She'd expected his anger, but she hadn't truly prepared herself for it.
"Harvey, why can't you understand this? I don't work for you, but that doesn't mean I'm not your friend. Our friendship doesn't need to be defined by work. I thought it was more than that."
"Oh, did you? Because friends are supposed to know each other well. And Donna, if the last few days have taught me anything, it's that you don't know me, at all."
"That's not true."
"Oh, but it is. Your new boss made that clear to me every chance he could. And you know, I could have taken any shit he threw at me, but hearing him tell me that I didn't value you over what I earned over and over? It just made me wonder why you never bothered to correct him. And the only reason I can think of is that you believed that yourself."
She stayed quiet, while he stared at her in disbelief.
"So, you did believe it?"
"No, Harvey. I just didn't know what to make of it."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means I don't understand any of this. You're one of the most generous people I know. But you also have this way of getting people to do what you want. And in the light of everything that happened, I couldn't help but wonder."
"Wonder what?"
"When you told me that you were paying my salary, I had to wonder if you only did that as a way of keeping me tied to you," she said, regret causing her stomach to clench.
"Donna, if you..."
She interrupted him, "I know that sounds horrible, but I was confused and hurt. I spent twelve years putting you first, and I didn't mind doing that at all, because I considered you my family."
"And you thought I didn't?" he asked, his face turning pale.
"I don't know, Harvey. You tell me. Because the second I decided to put myself first, you didn't just stop treating me like family, you started treating me like a stranger. And that is a thousand times worse than if you treated me like I was your enemy!"
A deafening silence followed her words before his pained voice broke it.
"If you don't know by now how much I considered you my family in these past twelve years, Donna, I must really have done a poor job of it. I told you I wouldn't be me without you. And, the only reason I continued to pay your salary was that I'd always thought my successes were our successes, and that meant sharing what we earned."
"I know that."
"Do you? How? Let me guess. Jessica told you."
"Harvey…"
"You know what? Considering how well I thought you knew me, do you know how much it kills me that you didn't know this about me? After everything we've been through together? You say you know everything. You're Donna."
She took a step towards him, her hand reaching out to touch him, but he stepped back, raising his arm to stop her.
"No, Donna. If you don't know by now that I'd do anything for you, or that outside of my own family, you were the one I considered closest to being family, then I don't have much else to tell you," his voice shook, as he closed his eyes.
She felt her heart drop when she saw two tears track their way down his cheeks.
"Harvey, please," she tried to reach for him, again.
He went on as though he hadn't heard her.
"Not three weeks ago, you were about to go to prison and the very idea of having that happen to you broke me in two. I was so scared and desperate, and I did everything within my power to make sure that didn't happen. I broke the law because the very idea of you going away would have killed me. Do you honestly think I'd do all of that because you were just my secretary?"
His hand shook as he reached up to rub his eyes.
"You should go," he said, his voice sounding small and distant.
"What?"
"Please. Just go back to New York, Donna. You really shouldn't have come here," he reiterated, not meeting her eyes. His hand reached up to tug at the collar of his t-shirt.
"Harvey, listen, I'm…"
Before she could finish her sentence, however, Harvey stumbled backward, turning away from her and nearly crashed into the wall behind him. He gripped the wall with shaky hands, while his face turned ashen.
"Harvey, what..?" she moved towards him, shock blooming across her face.
Marcus came rushing out at the sound and immediately went for his brother, his arm gripping Harvey's shoulders and pushing him towards the couch.
"Marcus, what is going on?" Donna pleaded, moving behind him and trying to get to Harvey. "I'm gonna call 911."
"No, don't," Marcus interrupted her, reaching for her arm. "Just go into the kitchen and get some water, alright? I'll stay here with him."
She did as she was told, her mind racing.
What was wrong with him? Was he sick? Is that why he'd needed this break?
She moved quickly, grabbing a full pitcher of water and a glass, before rushing out. She poured out a full glass and handed it to Marcus who passed it to Harvey.
"Here, drink this. And deep breaths, Harvey. You got this." Marcus said quietly, watching his brother trying to regain control of his mind.
Donna stood frozen in her spot, her heart breaking at the sight of her Harvey looking so completely shattered and very unlike the confident, unshakable lawyer that he usually was.
Marcus looked sadly at her, before shaking his head. "Panic attack. He had a panic attack. I knew it would happen once I heard you two start yelling at each other."
Tears spilled from Donna's eyes as she continued to stare at Harvey. "How long?"
Marcus looked at her and squeezed her arm, "I think you know how long."
He left them both alone. Donna knelt quietly in front of Harvey, her hand tentatively touching his clenched fist on his knee.
He quietly moved it away, stood up, and walked shakily away from the couch. Donna felt her heart crack in two.
What had she done?
"Mike, we need to talk." Rachel burst into her fiancé's office, her phone clutched in her hand.
"What is it, Rachel?"
"I just texted Donna."
"And?"
"Mike, she is in Boston," her voice was panicked.
"Shit. Harvey's going to kill all of us."
They were interrupted by the sound of Rachel's phone.
"I guess we'll know soon enough," Rachel said, showing her phone to Mike. "It's Donna."
Author's Notes: Please let me know what you think. This chapter was a tough one to write in some ways. Reviewers get to help Harvey plan a romantic date for Donna or vice-versa.