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Those are not the real stars - you know that, right?

Portia opens the door to a small room inside the tribute center for me. She knows her way around that building pretty well. Thank God... I would be terribly lost if she had sent me out alone to find the room.

She walks inside before me and immediately I'm greeted by Caesar Flickerman. As always, the man has a bright smile on his face. "Cypress! Look at yourself, your stylist outdid herself."

I try to smile and look at Portia. "Yes. Portia is truly amazing, she is outstanding."

As I have hoped, this is enough for Caesar to talk to Portia instead and ask her about how she made the effect of the 'stars' only appearing on the suit when the button is pressed.

I use the opportunity to look around the room. It's kept simple. Two cushioned chairs are standing in front of a camera, the light is positioned above them so it won't be visible to the viewers. Huge lava lamps are making up the background - red and orange swaying up and down.

I quickly turn around again to find Caesar and Portia still chatting. The longer this goes on, the better. I'm not sure what this interview is going to be about - but I'm sure they won't make it very easy.

When I hear the door being opened again, I turn to look. It's a young woman who briefly greets Caesar and then hurries over to the camera. I'm afraid this means, it's time for this to be aired.

I hear Caesar say, "I would love to hear more, but it's time, I'm afraid." Then he turns to me again. "Come on... sit with me!"

For a lack of alternatives I nod and follow him over to the chairs. He sits down in one of them, so I sit in the other one. The camerawoman counts down from five, then gives Caesar the sign to start.

He looks straight at the camera, like he always does, wide smile, and all excited. "Good afternoon, Panem! I'm pleased to be speaking with our new and gorgeous victor today."

Now he turns to face me. "Cypress, welcome!"

I attempt to smile, not sure how convincing it is. "Hi, Caesar."

"You look stunning today! Tell me more about your suit." Oh great... small talk before he starts talking about the Games.

I quickly glance over to where Portia is standing behind the camera and she just nods so I decide to just make something up. "My stylist, Portia - she designed it while watching the Games before she even knew if I was coming back. She told me, she just had a feeling there."

Caesar seems to like that story. His booming voice, used to entertaining crowds, echoes way too loudly inside this small room. "Outstanding! How does it work? How do they shine?"

He gestures wildly at the little blinking spots on my jacket. "I... I'm not exactly sure. But Portia did set me on fire before, so this doesn't surprise me."

Caesar starts laughing at that comment, but it quickly dies down again. "A woman with many gifts, I'm sure... But, Cypress - let's get into what really interests the country. How do you feel now, as a victor of a Quarter Quell?"

Miserable, afraid, angry, alone - but I can't say that of course. "It's overwhelming. I don't exactly know how it's even possible. I guess nobody would have bet on me."

"You had low odds of winning in the bets, yes, but what happens in the Hunger Games is often surprising, right?"

I nod, not really sure how to respond to that. Remembering to keep the polite smile on my face is now the most difficult task.

Caesar doesn't seem to care about me not answering and quickly changes the topic. And now I wish I would have answered before. "So tell me - we are all dying to know; Was it real? - between you and Valeria?"

I swallow and look at the camera briefly, then back at Caesar. "Yes... everything was real."

"When did you realize?"

"I can't exactly say." I try my best to clear my voice. "I think when I saw her at that parade. There was a moment when she dropped her tough persona, when I could see the real Val and I couldn't stop thinking about her."

I don't really know where all of that has come from, but now that I'm here, I might as well be honest about that. Maybe then it will be easier to lie if he asks me anything that might lead to a rebellion.

"Tell me what you loved about her."

"Valeria is..." No, that's not right. I shake my head and look down. "She was funny and caring, she was determined and strong and knew what to do when I was just lost. Now I'm lost... and she's not there."

Caesar's voice makes me look up again. "I was so heartbroken for you... tragic to find real love and then lose it again."

Now I have to be careful with my words, I know that. "Yes. But I knew what I was in for. I just wish... that she could have lived instead of me."

"Do you miss her?"

I swallow again. "I'm afraid I'll never stop missing her."

Caesar nods as if he was indicating that it was a good answer. Then he says, "You made a promise in the Games, do you remember?"

How could I forget that? Valeria's parents come back to my mind now, alone in their house with both of their children gone. "Of course..."

"Do you think that Valeria's parents would like to meet you?"

I never thought about that. But I'll have to find out, I guess. "I don't know... but I still promised to go see them. So I'll do it."

"I do have the tape from the top 8 interviews... have you seen those yet?" Caesar leans back in his chair slightly.

Oh, shit... I have completely forgotten about that. But still, what choice do I have now? "No... I haven't yet had the chance."

Caesar points at a spot on the wall that lights up. "Then we should watch a bit of that now."

The video starts and there are two people sitting by what must be the kitchen table. I recognize the man immediately. It's the same man who talked to me on the hovercraft, Valeria's father. He's holding a woman's hand, so I am sure it must be her mother.

From the looks on their faces, you couldn't tell that those are the parents of a career. The interviewer asks them about their daughter and they talk about all the usual things. That she could win and that they are proud. But it's clearly all lies.

Then they are asked what strategy Val might have followed when she didn't kill 'the boy from 12'. I see them hesitate. After a pause, her mother says, "She's impulsive and emotional... but I see a change in her. She couldn't have known that he would later save her, but maybe that's what was meant to happen - maybe there is such a thing as fate."

Now I feel my eyes get wet again and the video ends. Little did they know back then that it was probably what cost Valeria her victory later.

Caesar looks back at me and asks, "Do you believe in fate?"

I blink the tears away and shrug, my voice now a bit throaty, "I don't know... but if it's real, then it's a cruel thing."

Caesar nods and gives me a sympathetic look. I can never tell if anything he does is real or if he is just so used to this. "I am really sorry for your loss. Maybe what Valeria's mother said is true - that you were meant to save each other. Tell me about those wounds. Does it still hurt?"

Glad that he changed the subject once again, I quickly say, "No... it's alright now. They put me back together."

"I must admit - the arena wasn't too good to you. Just watching that almost hurt! I thought you wouldn't make it after that feast."

I shake my head. "Yeah... I didn't think I'd make it either. I shouldn't have, to be honest."

"What do you mean?" The look on Caesar's face is serious, but secretly he is intrigued. I see it in his eyes.

What do I tell him? That I should have died so Val could have lived? I should have died so all of this would be over? I should have died to never become a victor. So my family wouldn't be in danger. I look down.

Hesitantly I say, "Getting stabbed... it hurt so much that I wanted nothing but to be dead. I wanted it to end there."

Caesar nods again and answers, "Did that hurt the most out of everything?"

"No, losing Val hurt more than anything a weapon could ever do." Immediately I bite down on my bottom lip. I want to take it back as soon as the words have left my mouth. Talking about her is dangerous, I should have known better.

"Tell me about it."

I look up at Caesar again. I need to find a way out of this. "Sorry... no. I'm sorry. Can we... talk about something else? It hurts too much to think about her."

Please let that slide! I try not to be too tense and almost breathe a sigh of relief when he says, "Of course... now as a victor - what are you looking forward to the most?"

"My family. I miss them so much, I miss District 12. I'm really glad I'll go back tomorrow." It's easier to smile again now.

It's true. I do want to see them again. I miss my little brothers and my sister. I miss my mother and I want to hug them all - make sure they know that I came back for them.

But I also know that I am their doom all the same. That my brothers will be reaped when they turn 12, that I will have to do what they say, but my family will still be punished. Oh, how I wish that I would be dead.

Caesar now smiles again too. "I'm sure they are happy to have you back. Are you going to let them live with you?"

Right, I'll get a house when I come back. "Of course... if they want to."

"We are sure going to miss you here at the Capitol. You will visit, of course, won't you?"

Think about it... every time someone with good looks wins those Games, they have to visit the Capitol often.

Her voice echoes inside my head. The wind pulling on her dress as we stand on the balcony of the President's palace. They own me now - like they would have owned her, like they would have owned Rex, like they own everyone else.

Absentmindedly, I nod. "Of course. The Capitol is such a beautiful place..."

Caesar Flickerman chuckles and says, "That's true. It's unlike any other place. What will you miss the most while you are away?"

"The food," I say, even though it's not true and I have barely eaten anything since I left that arena. I will miss nothing about this godforsaken place. "I've never eaten such good things ever before."

"Maybe we can send something to you every now and then... It won't be long anyway. Soon you will come back for the Victory Tour!"

I grit my teeth. The Victory Tour - where they'll use me to scare everyone into obeying them, obeying Snow. Reluctantly I say, "Yes, that's right... I'm looking forward to it."

Caesar gives me a reassuring smile. "We all are! Cypress... thank you so much for the interview! It's been a pleasure talking to you."

Now I can't help but release a breath. "Thank you, too..." It's over! I did it. I didn't say anything stupid.

The camerawoman gestures with one hand and Caesar stands up. He pats my shoulder with his hand as he walks by. "You can go home now. I'm sure you really want to."

I manage to smile once again and stand up as well. "Yeah... that's right."

He glances at his wristwatch and excuses himself before leaving the room quickly. I follow him with my eyes. Then I look at Portia. She smiles at me and walks over to where I'm standing, switching the 'stars' off with one quick movement. "Come on... I'll walk you back to your room."

I just nod and follow her out the door. We walk around the building again, not talking. I'm out of words, not sure what to tell her anyway, so I welcome the silence. Soon we stand in front of the door of the apartment on the 12th floor.

Portia pauses and turns around to face me. "This is where we say goodbye..."

I hesitate, then say, "We won't see each other again before we leave?"

She shakes her head. "No, sorry... you'll leave early tomorrow. The next time I'll meet you is in a few months - when you present your talent."

How nice that she reminds me of that... I sigh. "The only thing I'm looking forward to about that is seeing you again."

Portia softly smiles and hugs me. "I'll miss you, Cyo."

I hug her back and quietly say, "I'll miss you too."

Slowly she lets go of me again. "It's going to get better... Don't let them break you. You're strong."

I'm not so sure of that. Nevertheless, I nod. "Thank you..."

Then she turns to the elevator again, steps inside and the doors close, leaving me to stand in the stairway alone. I turn around to enter the apartment, but I can't bring myself to open the door.

Instead, I move away from it again, up the last flight of stairs until I can't go up anymore. Without thinking about it any further, I push the door open, the wind hitting my face. It's colder than the last time I've been on the roof, the sky is changing colors, illuminating the Capitol in a soft orange glow.

I walk across the roof to the railing and lean on it, looking down. It's just like before. People walk by, chatting, laughing. The world moves on as if nothing at all had changed. They don't care.

I remember her silhouette in the dark, asking for permission to sit with me before the Games. That's how I see her whenever I close my eyes - without fancy dresses and make-up and without that fake smile. I see her like she really was - I loved her like that.

A shiver runs down my spine and I feel a tear running down my cheek - It's cold in the wind. I let myself fall to the ground, leaning against the railing, sobbing.

Valeria is dead - and many more will die like her.

Tomorrow I'll leave this place, finally go back to District 12. I can't allow for this to go on - can't allow for another 24 people to come to this building next year, to get to know each other and then be forced to kill each other. This needs to end here and end with me.

The rebellion almost happened - maybe it just needs some structure, a network. It needs the same connection between the districts that the stars provide. There needs to be the same plan and some people to make it happen - everywhere. There needs to be a way.

Shakily I take a breath and pull myself up in a standing position again. The top 8 interviews... I need to see them. I want to see my family.

One last time I turn to look down on the people of the Capitol passing by, then I quickly walk back to the door and enter the building again. Our apartment is empty, my mentors not there, and Effie nowhere in sight. I would have known immediately if she was here.

I sigh and quickly go back to my room. Carefully, I put the jacket down on the chair next to the door, followed by the rest of the suit. Without thinking about it too much I put on a t-shirt and the first set of pants I can find and drop down onto the bed, switching on the TV.

Finding anything in there is not easy - neither is navigating. The remote is way too complicated and modern. I've never had anything like that before.

After struggling with it for quite some time, I finally find the interviews I was looking for. Hesitantly I press the button to select the option titled with my own name.

I see my mother answer the door. By the look on her face, I can see she has been crying a lot. The area around her eyes is swollen, on one side more than on the other... He's hit her again. He really just waited for me to not be around.

I start chewing on my bottom lip as I see her screaming at the camera-team to leave. At that moment, Mace comes to the door and calms her down quickly. She calls for my brothers to go outside and they leave with the camera-team.

Calm and collected, Mace sits on a few boxes outside the shop. They film my brothers playing tag briefly - at least they didn't realize what was going on - then they turn back to my sister. She gives them a polite smile as the interviewer asks her questions about me.

Generic stuff - how she would describe me, what I usually do, if she thinks I'll win. I've never seen Mace like that. She looks scared, talks in a low tone of voice. The usually bubbly and funny girl is locked away inside.

Eventually, the interviewer asks for my friends. Truthfully, she tells them I don't really have friends, but sends them off to talk to some of the men I work with in the mines. Snippets of them talking about me are shown. This surprises me a bit - I never thought they cared, really.

The video ends and the TV tells me to select a new video. I sigh. What I really want to do, is go back home and punch my stepfather in the face for hitting my mom when she needed him to support her, but that's not going to happen, so I click on Valeria's video again.

The interview with her parents plays again. They, too, are asked to name some friends to question. Val's mom hesitates but then sends them to some girl. The girl is really awkward and tells them she really hadn't too much to do with Val after Cato's death.

I sigh as it switches back to the home screen again. All of this was kind of depressing. I know this is the moment to switch off the TV and do something else, but I really want to watch all of them now. I want to know what the people look like - the people who have lost a loved one.

Hesitantly I switch over to the next video - Rex. It's practically the polar opposite of Val's and mine. His parents are really excited, so is his brother. He had a whole group of friends - all talking about how strong he is and how he is so good at everything.

The videos from the tributes from 4 are pretty much the same - too happy about this, too eager, and dreams soon to be shattered. Ayla's friends are not really on the talkative side, but they still look hopeful there, still think they might welcome her back. It's too much. In the middle of that one, I turn off the TV.

There's a knock on my door and I look up. "Yes?"

It's Peeta's voice coming from the other side. "Cyo, it's dinner time."

Maybe some conversation can clear my mind of this whole day. "Yes... coming!"