She has given up hope the moment she heard my name at the reaping.

We have left the Capitol in the early morning hours. I'm sure - I'm leaving this place behind for good. I won't play along in their stupid Victory Tour and I won't let them hurt my family and drag me back to pass me around.

It's quiet without Effie on the train. She stayed behind in the Capitol - of course, it's her home after all. I'm a little thankful for that. It's hard to talk and Katniss and Peeta both prefer silence too.

Now we are almost back home. The landscape of District 11 slowly fading - flat endless fields and unnecessarily high fences are replaced by wild forests and hills turning into mountains. It's scary. This once was peaceful and beautiful and home... and nothing else.

When I look outside now the trees look sinister, accusing me of not saving her, of being the only one left. I've seen these woods all my life and now I almost expect the Cornucopia to rise somewhere between them. That it's not over, that it'll never be over.

I look away briefly and see my mentors looking out of the window as well. Do they see it, too? What does wait for them between those trees? Do they see the other tributes? Does Peeta see the tracker jackers all around him when he closes his eyes? Does Katniss still sing to that little girl from 11 in her head?

I now notice that I must be staring at them so I quickly glance away and start looking out of the window again myself.

The longer this drive lasts, the closer the trees stand together - forming a forest with seemingly no end, an ongoing wilderness full of wolfs and snakes and mockingjays.

Every bird I see might as well be one of the beasts who can scream and talk and mock.

A shiver runs down my spine as I think about those again. How they taunted me - especially since I was sure I'd never see my family ever again then.

Gradually the train starts slowing down, almost unnoticeable, but the trees now pass by slower.

Soon it comes to a full stop. It's the train station - we are here. We are home. I swallow and hesitantly stand up from my chair. Peeta looks back at me and smiles. "Come on..."

I nod as an answer and follow him to the door. Katniss is already outside. My legs suddenly feel like they are going to give in any second. The air hits me as I step out of the door.

People are standing, waiting for me, smiling. Some are even clapping. The sky behind them dunking them in a blood-red light, scary long shadows crawling on the ground.

I don't understand. Kalina is still dead. They can't possibly see it as any kind of win to send away two people and get one back.

Suddenly I feel arms around me, holding me tight, sobs in my ear. Immediately I hug her back, pulling her as close to me as possible. Dark blonde curls stick to my face but I don't care.

More hands, smaller hands, cling to my pants. Slowly I let go of Mace, glassy and tired eyes meeting mine as I face her. But she's smiling - finally, she's smiling again. After I saw that interview, I wasn't sure she would be herself ever again.

I feel my own lips curl upward as I crouch down to hug my little brothers. At that moment everything that has happened over the course of the past month feels fake, like I have just woken up from a bad dream.

Hesitantly I let go again and straighten myself, looking back at the crowd. Immediately, I freeze as she stares at me like she is seeing a ghost. Her eye isn't swollen anymore but the purple and blue haven't fully faded yet. I open my mouth, not sure what to say and stammer, "Hey... hi, mom."

A tear runs down her cheek as she steps forward and hugs me as my siblings did before. Carefully I put my hands on her back. "It's alright... I'm here now."

Over her shoulder I can see my stepfather in the crowd, staring at me. Yeah... he sure hopes he's seeing a ghost.

Some people are welcoming me, some even congratulating me. I don't really know what to say, so I just follow my family back to our house. I stop before crossing the doorstep and turn to Mace. She is looking at me expectantly.

I think about it for a second, then I say, "Get some of your stuff and the boys' stuff. We are leaving."

She nods and rushes inside to pack, past my mom. I look at her and sigh. "Mom... I love you. I want you to come with us. But he is not coming."

She stares at me and then turns to face my stepfather who is standing behind her, shaking his head. "Honey... don't let him take our boys away. You want them to stay with us, they are ours."

I cross my arms in front of my chest. "You are not telling me what to do! I saw you hit her so many times and I'm not ready for the day you decide to hit my poor brothers as well. They are coming with me."

I see his jawline tense as he pushes forward, stopping in front of me. "Don't you dare talk to me like that!"

I do my best to keep my calm. "I talk to you however I want to..."

"I suggest you leave now - with your sister and without my sons or..."

"Or what?" I say, cutting him off, "or you'll hit me? I wouldn't touch a victor... or the Capitol might not like it."

For a moment he stares at me, dumbfounded. Then he turns again and stares at my mom. "Say something! Do something!"

I now look at my mom again too. She looks lost, insecure; a pleading look in her eyes. I know by just looking at her that she won't move with us. "Cyo... please. At least let the boys stay..."

I shake my head. "Come on, mom... they'll each have a room in Victor's Village. You can still see them every day. You can visit and they can visit you."

Then I turn back to my stepfather. He is now looking at me again, a sour look on his face. I sigh. "You will treat my mother well. If I see you being everything she wished for, then maybe the boys will live with you again - or you can live with us. But not now..."

Right then and there, Mace walks out the door. A bag in one hand and a pile of clothes under her other arm. I quickly walk in past her and pick up my own clothes, following her out again immediately.

My mother holds onto my arm in a desperate attempt. "You can't take them... I'm responsible for them, you have no right!"

"Who are you going to send after me to challenge? The peacekeepers? They are coming and you can't stop me. It's for the best, even though you don't see that right now."

I hear her sob and it breaks my heart, but I can't leave them here. I can't let them get hurt without me to protect them. My mother's hand drops and she lets go of my arm. "I wanted nothing more than to have you back. And now I'm losing you again."

I take a deep breath. "You are not... I'm here for you now. I can stop working at the mines. Wouldn't have been long anyway until they would have found out I'm doing that illegally. Trust me."

We lock eyes and finally, she nods. "I'll see you soon."

I nod and then leave the house with my clothes pinned under my arm. Mace is standing there, waiting.

I look around for the boys and call out. "Milo! Lys! Come on, we are going to Victor's Village!"

A moment later, they both come running out from behind a stack of wood giggling. I smile and we all leave, slowly making our ways towards the nicest part of the district.

It's getting dark fast, night falling as we walk in silence. Some people are looking at us while we are passing through their streets, but I decide to ignore them.

When we reach the first house that belongs to Victor's Village, we are greeted unexpectedly. Peeta is waiting for us, smiling. "I... thought you would come here soon."

I nod. "Thank you...That's nice."

He leads us past a few houses and then points at two next to each other. Those look lived in - with plants and flowers in the garden and on the balcony and lights in the windows. "This is where Katniss and I live and the other one is where Katniss' family lives."

Then he turns to the opposite side of the road. "And this one is where Haymitch lives."

Haymitch's house doesn't look lived in at all, but I guess that's none of my business.

I look around briefly, then turn to Mace. "Where do you wanna live?"

She shakes her head and grins. "You can't be for real... It's your house - you pick it."

I look around again. My house. It even sounds surreal. With a shrug, I point at one of the houses near Haymitch's place. "This one?"

Mace nods. "Yes, that's good." She collects the boys and they walk ahead.

Peeta looks after them briefly then turns back to me. "Hey... if you want to, you can all come to have dinner with us in an hour."

I hesitate but then nod. "Thanks... we will be there."

"Perfect." He then gives me another smile and goes back to his house. When he closes the door behind him I follow my siblings to the new house.

I'm barely through the door when Lysander crashes into me, excitement on his face. "Cyo! Is it true we live here now? Maysi said so..."

I smile and tousle his hair. At least they get to have a better life now. "Yes... it's all ours now."

Lys rushes away from me and up the stairs again and as I see him running, I remember that in six years he's going to be old enough for the Hunger Games.

"Cyo... what's wrong?" My sister's voice makes me look away from the stairs and back to her. She is staring at me, frowning.

I quickly shake my head and say, "I... Nothing. Everything is fine."

Mace rolls her eyes and sighs. "Come on, little brother... you've always been a terrible liar."

I swallow. I really want to tell her everything, talk to her about what's going to happen to me and to them, but not now - with the boys in the house - and not here - in a place built by the Capitol. I force a smile again. "I just can't believe I'm here now..."

"That's it?" Little feet are jumping on a bed above our heads, making it creak.

That's what I thought - Mace is not giving up just like that. I chew on the insides of my cheeks for a moment. Then I walk over to her and hug her, whispering as quietly as possible, "We cannot talk here... Later, I promise."

She puts her arms on my back carefully and I feel her tremble slightly, her breath hot against my neck. Then she mumbles, "It's okay..."

When I let go of her I say out loud, without a hint of what just went down, "We are invited to dinner over at Katniss' and Peeta's place in about half an hour... let's make the boys look presentable."