Disclaimer: I own nothing but the general plot and OCs

So I said I'd clear up the cliff hanger in this chapter. Turns out I inadvertently lied, because I gotta stop here but I still want to put something up today.

This means more Kakashi pov next chapter too. And instead of it being a clear up in the last few sentences it'll probably happen a lot earlier in the chapter and you get to see whatnot happens afterward, also from Kakashi pov. So you win some you lose some.

I hope I portrayed Kakashi well enough, as well as the way relates to certain people, and I hope it comes across how Kakashi doesn't ever intentionally neglect Subaru.

A completely unedited chapter here, because I'm getting an awful headache and I feel sick. Hopefully more within the next 48 hours though.

Thank you so much those of you who reviewed! As ever, let me know what you liked, what didn't work so well for you, and prompts you'd like me to write about going foward.

Chapter 8 - Smelling Mighty Coffee

Kakashi found himself a little taken aback by how easily he settled into a new routine with Subaru. The first week found him struggling to fit his new schedule into one day. He stretched himself in order to take care of Subaru's needs at night, as well as fit missions in during the day that would allow him to get back to Konoha on time.

He tried to stick to B and slightly more difficult C rank missions, in order to minimise the risk of unexpected circumstances dragging the mission on for longer than intended. Occasionally he had to go overboard in order to ensure he kept his silent promise, and although his reputation for not letting people die on his watch was reestablished, Kakashi carefully didn't admit to anyone that half the reason he could be so fervent in his protection of his comrades at times, was that he needed them not to impede the timeframe of the missions with inconvenient injuries.

On days that he didn't have missions, Kakashi trained or napped or did other required duties, to make up for his no longer free evenings. There were times when he was almost tempted to pick Subaru up early, but then reality would reassert itself and he'd remember that he would have no clue what to do with her if she was around.

A lot of the time he needed every minute he could get in order to be in top form anyways. The sleep that he was deprived of needed catching up on at some point, so that he didn't begin making mistakes whilst out on missions, and another thing that he hadn't expected was the constant backlog of laundry. He didn't know how babies could go through so many little clothes, but it was like he was always finding more to take to the dry cleaners.

As the weeks went by, and Kakashi became more comfortable with his ability to fit his large list of duties into his tight schedule, he began to find little minutes here and there to begin building something approaching a functioning, if eccentric, shinobi.

He took a moment to eat dango with Anko, or have a quick drink of saki with Tenzō or Asuma when he was off duty, he took Gai up on his ridiculous challenges, he began to find humour in continuously flirting the line between teasing people and being serious in his persona, till he almost drove them mad. He began to read his Icha Icha in public more and more as reactions verged from outraged to exasperated.

He found himself spending short spates of time in the Jōnin lounge, watching the other shinobi and their amusing or serious antics, and sometimes he even managed to take the time to do the occasional distant check up on a certain blond haired budding prankster.

Kakashi began to visit the memorial stone when he could, once more, and finally started to think about Minato-Sensei, and Rin and Obito again. Sometimes it was unbearably painful to remember them, especially Minato-Sensei, who's absence still felt like a bleeding wound at times. But bit by bit, day by day, very gradually, with each memory revisited, and with a small handful of bitterly nostalgic, but cleansing outings with Genma, who was more than happy to reminisce about Minato-Sensei and Kushina, Kakashi began to feel just a little more human.

As unwilling as he was to admit it to anyone, Kakashi needed that first year to recuperate. The heavy weight that had seemed to take up permanent residence within him slowly dissipated. His Jōnin work kept him moving, and acting and working, but he made sure with increasing determination, that come what may, he made it home by 9pm at the latest.

Truthfully though, however much he improved within himself, or found time to build something resembling a patchy social life, or gain friends that he was willing to actually call friends, he still didn't know what to do with Subaru.

He knew vaguely, that in their first year babies didn't do much, but he had expected a little bit more than the nothing she gave. She didn't make a sound beyond what she absolutely had to to let him know she needed something, and she seemed perpetually sleepy.

He was a little lost for words, and one day had passingly asked Mei who worked at day care, if Subaru was active during the day. He was told with great enthusiasm that she was more active than any other child they looked after, and he figured that Subaru spent so much of the day playing and having fun, that he wouldn't hold it against her that she was always too tired to do anything but sleep, or be still by the time he picked her up.

On top of that, she just seemed like a naturally quiet and well behaved child, which he thanked his lucky stars for. It meant that when he spent time with her in the evenings, he could relax and not worry about anything too drastic, beyond the occasional bump or bruise she had, that he always was careful to take note of in case suspicious patterns started showing up.

Kakashi wouldn't have known what to do with himself if he had been landed with an infant that screamed and needed high levels of attention and was clingy or demanding. Looking after Subaru, once he had gotten used to meeting her needs, rarely pushed Kakashi too far outside of his comfort zone. If there were two things that Kakashi knew next to nothing about, it was a civilian's or child's emotional needs, and high levels of physical affection.

Kakashi had never been a civilian, and he could barely comprehend their beliefs, priorities, worries, successes, and emotional reasoning on a good day. He could fake it well enough to get by, of course, like any half decent shinobi. But there was a chasm between copying and responding accurately to certain behavioural patterns, and understanding the thought that was behind them.

In terms of physical affection, Kakashi just didn't do it. The closest he got to affection was a pat on the arm or slap on the back from his fellow shinobi, or sometimes he put up with over enthusiastic female clients attempting to crush him to their bosoms in gratitude- which honestly wasn't all that bad... some of them had very impressive breasts.

And there was no way he was comparing the honey pot missions he was sporadically sent on as affection to compare to what was required with children. That wasn't affection, that was pure and simple seduction.

Instigating contact with Subaru felt like diving head first into a language that he had no previous experience in. He didn't know how much pressure he was supposed to apply, how long was too long, how much was not enough, did he need to hold her or leave her be? Was he supposed to wait until she could remember things first? Where was he supposed to touch her? How? Were there some ways that would inadvertently create long lasting problems for her? She still felt so fragile, that any amount of contact, unless for a direct and specific purpose, honestly felt like he was seconds away from damaging her.

And this wasn't like in training, where experimenting with techniques would only hurt him or a previously informed and consenting colleague if things went wrong. If he fucked up he could ruin his child for life. He tried not to think too deeply on it, because when he did it was terrifying.

So he gradually became comfortable with the small amounts of touching that were absolutely needed from him, and when Subaru didn't show any adverse reactions, he figured that he would stop while the going was good, and not risk anything further.

The year went by, and he found himself becoming used to her presence, for all that at times he was still caught off guard by the face that he was a parent when he saw her, and it blew his mind all over again. The experience became a little better and easier when she started sleeping more throughout the night, and eventually stopped needing feeding entirely at night.

The only real shocks that he gained were when out of no where Subaru snatched his finger in an astoundingly strong grip and forced it into her mouth; the slobber on his appendage was... unappreciated, but he could feel a tooth coming through and her gum felt slightly swollen so he guessed it was her intelligent way of informing him he could do something about it - and when at one point Subaru grew out of her clothing, so the women went and bought new ones covered in pink and purple patterns, dresses and feminine cuts, frills and cutesy images. She did not look impressed, and he was vaguely horrified. Each item of clothing mysteriously disappeared, much to the women's disappointment.

Walking back into the nightmare that was a shop for babies, with their over abundance of completely unnecessary gear and toys that seemed like they would bury you alive if you knocked the pile over, as well as overly helpful customers who seemed to spend far too much time in the shop in order to ask other people about their children and compare experiences in a subtle and passive aggressive competition, was never going to be a pleasant experience to say the least.

But he saw the rubber shuriken for teething babies and he couldn't resist. Subaru seemed to enjoy it at the very least, and wouldn't let go of it for two weeks.

Kakashi settled into his role of caretaker, and by the sixth month, had even started to become confident that he could do this. Subaru had become part of his life, and he had become quite fond of her. Yes, at times she seemed to have about the same amount of life and character in her as Mr. Ukki, but then Kakashi was very fond of Mr. Ukki too.

He considered introducing her to his nindogs, but she always acted so still and tired by the time he picked her up, that he thought it would be better to wait until she was older and had a bit more energy to properly meet them.

But all in all, eventually the diapers came off, and Kakashi felt an almost absurd amount of pride in both of them for reaching this point in her life, and when nothing seemed to go wrong with her health, there were never any emergencies, and none of the disasters that he had secretly been worried about occurred with her, he began to get more relaxed about this parenting thing.

And then Gai happened.

Kakashi was on his way back from a training ground, doing exercises to strengthen his left arm, which he had injured a few weeks back and been told to to use it as little as possible until he was given the go ahead.

"Hey Kakashi!"

Kakashi turned, and saw Guy approaching, in his usual green tracksuit and orange leg warmers.

"Hm?"

Gai came to a stop, and gave Kakashi a giant grin, with his customary wink.

"Congratulations! I wasn't aware that your Springtime of Youth had produced a beautiful blossom! You must be very proud to be able to nurture a bud into the Youthful Flames of Spring!"

Kakashi casually played of the spike of shock that jolted through him, at the fact that Subaru's existence had been discovered by anyone in connection to him. He was incredibly grateful that the vast majority of people wouldn't understand what just came out Gai's mouth, and that they were by an out of the way training field.

"Aa, thank you Gai. How did you find out?"

Gai threw his head back and laughed, with a gregarious guffaw, "your disguise may fool everyone else, Kakashi, but I recognise my Eternal Rival anywhere!"

Some of Kakashi's fears abated, and he released an internal sigh of relief, "so you followed me, and found Subaru."

"Subaru! What a Youthful name! In my desire for us to test our Flames of Youth against each other once more, I followed you to Konoha's day care, where I discovered you leaving your beautiful blossom in their tender care and nurture, for her Youth to grow."

Gai had followed him to the day care while he was on his way to drop off Subaru? He knew better than to underestimate Gai's skills by now, but still... Gai wore a green jumpsuit, and orange leg warmers. He wasn't exactly the most inconspicuous person out there, and Kakashi was supposed to be fairly alert around Subaru so that he could keep her identity a secret and protect her from danger. Clearly he needed to practice his awareness skills more.

"If you could keep Subaru a secret, Gai. I don't want any unnecessary attention on her."

Gai gave Kakashi his nice guy pose, "I will protect your beautiful blossom with my Powers of Youth! Her secret is safe with me, Kakashi! Her mother must be the most radiant of flowers to have captured your h-!"

"Subaru doesn't have a mother-" he calmly interrupted.

He realised what conclusions Gai was jumping to, when tears rapidly began collecting in the corners of eyes, his face creasing with empathetic grief, and quickly crossed his arms in an X.

"No! No, I never knew her. I didn't even know Subaru existed until she appeared in my life one day. It's complicated. And classified."

Gai knew better than most non Anbu members what sort of things Kakashi got up to during his time there, and quickly recognised the link between the age that Subaru looked, and how long ago it was that Kakashi left Anbu.

More serious than he had been so far, he gave Kakashi a small, but no less pleased smile, "I am glad that you have found your Youth once more, outside of Anbu. Your Flames burn brighter now."

Kakashi paused, his eye widened as he assessed himself and realised that he was more at peace now, than he had been in Anbu. He knew he had further to go, but at times he was almost content.

At this epiphany, Kakashi's eye crinkled into something approaching soft, "maa, you think so?"

It was... nice, to here Gai say that, considering he knew that Gai had been asking Sandaime to take him out of Anbu for years, for Kakashi's well-being.

"Most definitely! Now that you have regained your Flames of Youth, you can help fan the Flames of Subaru's own diminished Youth! There is no greater calling than the-"

"Diminished?" Kakashi interrupted with confusion.

Gai faltered for a moment, and then answered with a little less enthusiasm, "Yes, Kakashi, your blossom's Flames of Youth may be low and weak but-"

"There's nothing wrong with her." Kakashi words took on a defensive and protective tone, as he eyed his friend with half lidded irritation.

"Forgive me, my Eternal Rival, but you are wrong. Your beautiful blossom is missing much of her Youth," he replied, a small frown appearing on his face.

At seeing Kakashi's unconvinced demeanour, Gai added, "in my confusion at seeing my Eternal Rival holding a beautiful blossom with him, I watched your Subaru for a short while. She seemed very sad."

"She was crying? That's what babies do, Gai," Kakashi sighed, at having had his worries raised by Gai, only to find out that it was something completely normal. He was tired of the conversation, and so went to continue walking, only for Gai to clarify behind him.

"Not crying. She was very alike my Eternal Rival when sad!"

Kakashi paused again, "like me?" He pondered quietly, "I don't do anything when I feel sad."

"Yes, like that! I wish you luck in nurturing and teaching the next generation of Youth!"

"Hm? Were you still talking?" He asked absentmindedly, as he fished for his Icha Icha. He walked away as Gai cried manfully about Kakashi's hip and cool attitude, his nose in his book.

Kakashi attempted to forget what Gai had said about Subaru, but the words echoed through his mind throughout the whole day. Why would Subaru be sad? She never complained, she never fussed. No one new had entered or exited her life. There was nothing for her to be sad about. Her life was exactly the same as it had always been.

Despite his attempts at reassuring himself, Kakashi found himself by the window of the day care in a disguise before the end of the day, attempting to get a look at Subaru. It took some minutes for him to find her amongst the hordes of toddlers, but when he did, he was baffled by what he saw.

She was sat there, silently and unblinkingly staring at the wall in front of her, with a blank expression on her face. As Kakashi continued watching, he became increasingly concerned as she did nothing else, barely moving a muscle, for far too long. It was one thing when she was supposed to be exhausted at the end of the day, but every other child was still mostly hyperactive and full of energy.

Kakashi watched her for as long as he could, the weight in his stomach growing larger as she continued to do sit and stare. When he went back to his duties, the image of her sitting far too still for far too long haunted him. Maybe it was a one off, he reminded himself, there was no evidence that she wasn't just having an off day.

When he went to pick her up that evening, and she was handed over to him, he eyed her for a sign of any abnormalities, but she was the same as ever- seemingly exhausted, and still. The same went for the rest of the night, as he watched her carefully out the corner of his eye, while pretending to read. She lay there, looking sleepy and staring off into the distance, the scene took on a foreboding slant, as he considered the fact that maybe that wasn't normal. Maybe there was something seriously wrong with her.

Throughout the next few days, Kakashi found the time to periodically check in on her from a distance. A few of the times, he caught her up and about, but she didn't play with any of the toys or with the other children, instead the motions were repetitive, and more akin to an exercise regime than playing. It was in stark contrast to the other children's hasty and emotion filled movements.

Kakashi found himself sitting next to Gai after one of his ridiculous training exercises.

"Do you think she's just bored?" He asked, seemingly apropos of nothing.

Gai didn't need to ask what he was talking about, and appeared to give it some thought.

"She's more intelligent than other children. She could be bored," he informed Gai. He was certainly bored of other children at a young age, and if she had more intelligence on top of that due to the circumstances of her birth, she could well be finding little stimulation at the day care.

Gai shot Kakashi a smile, "it could well be the case! Perhaps she needs a more personal touch from my Eternal Rival to find her Youth again!"

Right, a personal touch. How on earth am I supposed to do that?, he thought to himself ruefully.

Then he made the mistake of asking Gai, "what sort of things do highly intelligent babies enjoy doing?"

It began with Gai coming up with the most unconvincing lie ever to do 'research' amongst the Nara clan on Kakashi's behalf, whilst Kakashi hid in the trees, and escalated from there. Kakashi found himself semi willingly caught up in a whirlwind of Gai's enthusiasm.

Some of the man's ideas were ridiculous, and Kakashi managed to avoid the worst of them, however, to his complete bemusement, he ended the day with a new apartment, a bag full of baby toys, the promise from Gai to help him move his furniture early the next day, and the start of what he had begun to call his 'time off' occurring a few days early, by permission from Sarutobi.

He spent the first half of the next day moving out of his old apartment, and into his new one with Gai's help. He spent the time until late afternoon setting up the security of his new place to still account for a soon walking toddler.

Then, he went to pick up Subaru before 5pm for the first time since she was put into day care, feeling oddly nervous, and with Gai's numerous suggestions running through his mind.

So now you know how that all happened. But hey, just because one person is having a really shitty time doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. Kakashi is working off of extremely limited information, so of course he's going to come to wrong conclusions in terms of what's best for Subaru.

I hope I portrayed Gai and Kakashi well enough. I had a pretty difficult time trying to get Gai down in writing.

I swear next chapter will be when we catch up to the present again.